about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

i dont know wat to do.. when im sad i go hyper to hide my pain.. the same with when im mad or anyhting and so then im like hyper almost all of the time and i dont really think that its all that healthy to cover up things like that but i just cant help it and its seriously exausting to be hyper all of the time and i drink coffee all of the timee so i like never sleep because i'm always pumped full of caffeene so if i wanna go hyper i can and i dont kno watss wrong with mee im only 13 and im addicted to coffee and i never sleep and im hyper 24/7 idk wats wrong pleaseee help

i will give u a 5! i just need helpp =]]

♥*hailey*♥

First you need to address what is making you mad or sad. Try to find a way to correct the cause if you can. Ask a friend, your parents, your sister, whoever you trust, if they can help you find a solution to whatever is bothering you. You can also post a question here. For the most part, most people on advicenators are sensitive and can, many times, offer a solution.

If you can't fix the problem, you need to let the feelings out in some way. Call a friend or write down your words, anything to get it out. It's not good on your body to hold things in. Eventually it'll lead to a blow-up which will surprise everyone. Trust me I've been there before. Jaws hit the floor because no one knew I was that upset. It can also lead to health problems such as ulcers, depression, and migraines, just to name a few.

You also need to wean yourself off the coffee. Not sleeping can have a devastating effect on your body, not to mention make your initial problem worse. Our bodies need sleep to function correctly.

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im 13M and weigh around 150. and im thinking on going on a diet. and have every vitamen and mineral covered exept protien. ya see, protien offten travels with fat and i dont know how to get protien into my diet without eating fating food. any ideas

i'll give 5s for good answers

Fish, chicken, seafood and lean cuts of meat all provide protein without being high in fat. Eggs, milk and cheese are also good sources of protein. Switch to lower-fat versions to reduce the fat. I wouldn't cut all the fat out of your diet since your body does need some fat to function.

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my brother ethier never hangs out with me or or trys to make it as short as possible. and everytime i ask him if we can hang out more, he yells at me. how do i get my brother to hang out with me more often

Family is very important and it's wonderful that you want to have a stronger relationship with your brother. I have two sisters, one that I also consider a friend.

I would tell your brother that you miss the relationship you had when you were younger. Remind him of some good times you had together during your youth. If he's older, you can always try telling him that you look up to him. He'll be flattered.

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my stepfather is a total baby. he gets what ever he wants. his mom baught him a car. my mom baught him a scanner. and his mom baught him a new computer. and those were when he just wanted it. it's like he get's what he wants but i dont get what i want. and he gets expensive stuff on his birthdays when i just get a birthday card. how do i get things to be fair around here. or atleast stop him from getting what ever he wants

i'll rate 5s for answers

Since he's an adult, it's unlikely that things will change much. I would suggest talking to your mom and letting her know that you feel left out by only receiving a card for your birthday. Perhaps you can suggest some gifts that are not too expensive.

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my older sister just had a baby. and me and my mom have been taking care of him. and now that i've had experense with babys. i think im old enough to take care of him my self. but everytime i ask my sister she says im not old enough. i feel she dos'nt trust me. i feel she dos'nt think im responsble. i mean she babysat infits when she was my age. how do i convince my sister that im old enough and responsble enough to do this

i'll rate 5s for good answers

It's probably first baby jitters. New mothers trust their babies with very few people so I wouldn't take it personally. My sister has two children and is still picky about who she lets take care of the babies.

I would suggest asking your sister if she would considering letting you watch the baby yourself as long as there is someone else in the house. That way you have the responsibility for the baby, but your sister doesn't have to worry about what you would do if something happened. Once she's gotten used to you taking care of the baby alone but with someone in the house, talk to her again and ask her if she'll let you watch the baby completely unsupervised for a short period of time. For example, for thirty minutes while she runs to the store. Once she gets used to that, you can work your way up to longer periods of time.

Good luck and congrats on the new baby.

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hey...well within the last year i have become christian. but lately i have been having my doubts. i have depression, and have had it for about 2 years now. i pray so much but i dont seem to be making any progress to becoming happier. i dont understand why my prayers arent getting answered.

Sometimes God puts us through trials in life. It's hard to understand why He does, but just believe that He has a reason behind it. Perhaps by your prayers not being answered, God is preparing you for another difficult time in your life or offering you a front-seat view of what people dealing with depression go through. My granny has always told me, "God never gives you more than you can handle."

For help in building trust in God, I suggest reading Romans 15:13. On God testing His children, I suggest reading Deuteronomy 13:3 and James 1:3. Other scriptures to read include Psalm 73, Lamentations 3:1-26, Psalm 27:14, Matthew 11:28-30, Psalm 130, Psalm 40:1-5, Psalm 77:1-15, Matthew 11:28-29, Psalm 37:28, Psalm 138:8 and 2 Corinthians 1:1-11.

I hope these help. I'll keep you in my prayers.

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Okay so my friend said she hates my boyfriend, and always tells me to dump him or she will make my live hell.. she said that i deserve someone hotter because my boyfriend is ugly, and cares about only me. She and my boyfriend are always arguing and it makes me cry, and today she was being really mean to him, and she made him cry, and then me. I dont know what to do..please help!

Tell your friend that her remarks are hurting you. If she continues making the remarks after you've asked her not to, I would consider finding a new friend. A true friend is welcome to their opinion, but they shouldn't try to push it on you.

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how do i become a mod?

You can find the information and requirements in the FAQ.
http://www.advicenators.com/faq.php?f=67

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thanks for heling before.. but now it wont let me uninstall AIM.. ughh.. what should i do?
natally
p.s. if it helps i think it might be this "108search assistant.com" that might be blocking it, and i have no idea how it got on my computer..

Ok first go to your control panel add/remove programs and see if 108search assistant is listed. If it is, try to uninstall it from there then reboot your computer.

If it isn't there, update your antivirus and run a full system scan. Fix anything it finds.

Download Ad-Aware, run the live update and do a full system scan with it also. When it finishes scanning, it will give you the option to delete the bad items. The program is free and can be downloaded at the link below.
http://www.download.com/3000-2144-10045910.html?part=69274&subj=dlpage&tag=button

Download Spybot S&D, run the live update and do a full system scan. Delete all the entries that it finds. Then click immunize to protect your computer against the items. It's also a free program and can be downloaded at the link below.
http://www.safer-networking.org/en/download/index.html

This should remove the item from your computer.

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I just need to know 2 things quickly. Is the national hotline anonymous? And will there be any record of it?

Thanks.

It's completely anonymous. There will be no record of the call.

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my mom found a open condom raper in my perse..and it isn't mine. but she thinks it is. i swear to her it isnt mine. and i think 1 of my friends is playin a freshman trick on me by doin it. and i got yelled at. i called my dad (parents are split up i live wit my dad my mom called and cussed me). i told my dad i didnt do anything that i think it was my friend tiara (that isnt her real name) and hes like ok. i said im goin to delete her off of my list and ignore her and not talk to her. cause i asked her about it and she never msged me back...my dad said if i did wanna start doin nething that my mom needs to take me to the court house. well i dont want to cause i aint ready just yet. what do i need to do. cause my mom thinks im a whore. and i didnt do anything

Give your mom a day or two to get over the shock of finding the wrapper. Then go to her and explain the situation. Tell her that you're not ready for that step just yet. If you can get ahold of your friend, have her tell your mom that it was a prank.

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Does anybody know of any spiritual books that will change my life drastically for the better? I am specifically looking for something that will boost my self-esteem and turn me into an optomist.

These books should get you off to a good start. I read Tuesdays with Morrie in college and it has stuck with me ever since.

Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson by Mitch Albom

The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

The Purpose-Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? by Rick Warren

These Are the Gifts I'd Like to Give to You: A Sourcebook of Joy and Encouragement by Douglas Pagels

I Hope You Dance by Mark D. Sanders, Tia Sillers

Live Like You Were Dying by Tim Nichols, Craig Wiseman

Learned Optimism : How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Martin Seligman

Learn to Be an Optimist by Lucy Macdonald

Positive Thinking Every Day : An Inspiration for Each Day of the Year by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale

The Inspirational Study Bible by Max Lucado (Ed.)

Any of the Chicken Soup for the soul series

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does any one know what a program vendor is?! my aim isnt working and it keeps logging out when i try to look at profiles or chat to 2 people. it sux!! please help! i rate

It sounds like you probably have a corrupted file in your AIM. Do a complete uninstall, reboot your computer, then install AIM again.

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to lose stomach fat, is walking the same as running? im not very good at running and i really want to lose my stomach fat so can i just walk? will walking help me lose my stomach weight?

You'll burn a few more calories if you run, but walking will still help you get the weight off. Studies have shown that walking is actually better than running since it puts less strain on your joints. I would suggest adding crunches to your exercise program to help tone the muscles.

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I have a phobia that I want to get over but dont know how, please help.

Try to face your phobia in a safe environment in little steps. Without knowing your exact phobia, it's difficult to suggest anything. I myself am mildly claustrophobic. I've found that closing my eyes and visualizing an open area when I'm in a tight spot helps. I'm including a few links for you to look at.
http://www.confidenceworld.com/members2/phob2.htm
http://www.irishhealth.com/?level=4&id=688
http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/emotion/phobias.html
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=3854
http://www.metahealing.netfirms.com/articles/article1051.html

If you cannot overcome your phobia on your own, it may be necessary for you to seek counseling. They can offer support, medication if needed, and other strategies that will help.

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What is a narrative story? How many paragraphs does it have in it? What do each paragraph have to explain? Is it just a free write, no limit, no order? or does it have to go in order of events? I have no idea what it is and I'm going to need it for school. Please help me.

A narrative story tells a story about something that happened. The author gives details about people, places and events to give the reader a clear picture of what happened. Many times it's written from the author's viewpoint using "I".

There isn't really a paragraph limit. The first paragraph should begin with a general statement. This statement tells the subject of the story. It can be free write. Unless a specific limit is assigned, you can write as much or as little as you wish. Generally 1-2 pages is acceptable, although you can do more if needed to fully explain the experience.

It doesn't have to go in order of events, but generally it's easier to understand if you do it in order. I usually break the events down into paragraphs for easier reading. If you're writing from your viewpoint, be sure to include your thoughts. They can help the reader better understand what happened.

The last paragraph should sum up the entire story. If there was a lesson learned or something of importance found, this is where they should go.

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this girl imed me saying my bf wants to break up with me for her then i showed him and this is what he worte..i rele like this girl but she has a boyfriend so since you liked me and i sorta liked you because your rele hot;-) and then i told her that i would brake up wit you because i dont no my mind lost control and it hasnt been the best day for me and i got mad at her because she went out wit the kid so now that why she showed you all that and i want to say im rele rele rele rele rele rele rele sorry and i will understand if you wanna brake up wit me just dont show any1 else this because then ill see 5 million different pop ups and i just wanna say i made a mistake of sayin that shit ....then he asked me if im breakin up with him i told him i dont no and hes like to make you feel better i really dont want you to i made a mistake and i learned from it and i just wanted to say i love you and i told him i love him 2 and in his profile on aim it says baby i never wanna hurt you again i love you BUT my friends say hes gonna hurt me again so what should i do? PS i dont realy want a boy friend i just want him to kiss me but i dont really no when or where we will hang out. I REALLY WANT HIM TO KISS ME AND I NO HE WILL BUT I DONT NO WHAT TO DO so can you help me with all the shit i just said

Ok first off I have a question for you. Do you really want to be with a guy who only likes you because of how you look, not to mention the fact that you were his second choice?

With that said, no one can tell you what to do. Since you said you don't really want a boyfriend right now, the best thing to do is tell the guy that you enjoy being around him, but you're not ready to be in a relationship right now. If he loves you like he says he does, he should have no problem with waiting until you're ready for a relationship.

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Im 13/ female, and i have been cutting for about 4 years now. I had been doing better, with everything and finally getting over the things that had happened, I stopped seeing my dad which helped alot. At the beginning of this year, my mom sent me and my sister back to live at my dads house. I started getting hit again, and the school called my house a ton of times asking about the bruises. i made up excuses that people eventually just stopped believing and everyone figured the truth. Lately things have been getting really bad again and i've overdosed two times in the past month, and have had to get my stomach pumped. I have been cutting so much more and i hate what it does to my friends when they find out but im at the point where i just cant stop, and i really dont want to its the only thing that helps. i dont know what to do, can anyone help me ?

thanks

First off, I'm sorry you're going through this right now. I know it doesn't seem like anyone cares, but they do. Instead of lying when someone asks about the bruises, you need to tell them the truth. Being in an abusive relationship can leave life-long scars. It's better to get yourself out of the situation now. Call your mom and tell her what's going on. If she refuses to listen, talk to another family member, a teacher, or your school counselor. Keep telling people until someone listens to you.

I know it's hard right now but self injury and suicide are not the answer. When you get the urge to harm yourself, please talk to someone or call 1-800-273-TALK. It's toll-free and the counselors are available 24/7. They can help you work through the issues at hand and offer help and counseling.

If you need someone to talk to, drop me a note in my inbox or email me. My personal email address is on my column.

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I have a friend who has been trying to kill herself. I have been trying to get her help and doing everything I can, but nothing works. SHe takes a lot of advil, and i was just wondering, does anyone know how much advil it takes for it to be enough medicine for the person to die ?

Anything over the recommended amount on the bottle can cause an overdose. I checked my bottle of Advil and it advised to take one or two tablets every 4-6 hours, and not to take more than 6 in a 24 hour period. I know she is your friend and you don't want to get her in trouble, but you need to tell her parents or another trusted adult immediately. Personally I'd rather have a friend mad at me and still alive than live with the guilt of not telling and having them suceed in harming theirselves.

Be there for your friend. She's going through a rough period in her life right now and needs your support. Remind her of the good things in life and encourage her to not make that choice. Give her one of these numbers. 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK. Both of these numbers are 24/7 and toll-free. If your friend calls, they will help her work through her feelings and encourage her to seek help.

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This may be the first question of its kind here. See, a lot of things have built up behind and with me, and it has caused me to attempt to injure my knee for about a year now. But, I'm really addicted to it now, and I try at least 3 times a day usually. I almost enjoy it, even. But, I want to stop. Ever had soemthing like that where you feel a need to stop something you enjoy? Anyways, I went through my mind the steps I usually advise to stop SIing, and none of them seemed to work. There is nobody I can tell, as any will cause more problems than it will solve. I'm very anti-social-phobic, where I am afraid of become a loner for the 3rd time in my life. My parents do not know any of the causes, so when they hear the effect, they want to know the causes. If I ever explained it to them, they'd ruin my life. They're out. So are responsible adults, as there is nobody I am confortable enough to speak to.
So, I believe that the only way to stop is if I get too far. If I actual do injure something badly, I will no longer have to try, thus saving me. I have no self will, if that's what you're going to suggest.
So my question is, how? How can I possibly do it?

You've already taken the first step by admitting that you do have a problem. Now, you just need to find a way to control it. I would suggest journaling as a way to work through the cause. Distraction techniques such as exercise, rubbing ice on your knee, calling a friend, anything to distract you from injuring yourself. With most addictions, the first few minutes of the urge are the hardest to get past. However, if you can distract yourself during these few minutes, the urge should pass for the moment.

You really do need to talk to your parents or another adult about this. You have to deal with the root of the problem to deal with the SI. Sometimes counseling may help.

There is a wonderful site on SI. I don't know if you've been to it before, but if you haven't I suggest you do. It offers tips on asking for help, getting to the root of the problem, and things to help keep you from continuing the action.
http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html

I'm going to include a few more sites for you take a look at. They also offer help and suggestions. Some even offer forums and chat where you can talk to others dealing with SI.
http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Self%5FInjury/bloodred/
http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/6446/alternatives.html
http://www.self-injury.net/
http://www.teenhealthcentre.com/articles/publish/article_36.shtml
http://www.self-injury-abuse-trauma-directory.info/Completed%20Files/Self-injury-self-harm_and_suicide_reseach.htm

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to drop me a note in my inbox or email me at my regular email. The address is on my column.

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