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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I am a mother of 4 and grandmother of 8. My eldest daughter C has been battling cancer the past 2 years she has now fallen terminally ill and is only expected another week or two. Her 3 children will soon need a new home the my eldest granddaughter from C has a different biological father from her other siblings when her mother passes it is likely she will be sent to live with him even though he has not been a part of her life and she doesn't know him. The bio father of my other two grand babies passed in Afghanistan in 09 shortly after the youngest was born. What can I do to insure that all of my grandbabies come to me mostly the eldest as she has a father that never wanted her. Please help me not worry as much in this very tough time
Sincerely concerned grandmother
My sincere condolences for your potential loss and the problems you face.
You need to act fast and engage an attorney to draw up the legal papers you daughter must sign before she passes. I am assuming she has legal custody of all 4 children. The attorney should be able to draw up a legal paper she can sign giving custody of all four to you. Now this of course will be based on the laws of the state she is presently in. It may also be advisable that the attorney have her doctors sign a statement that she is of sound mind when she signed the legal paper giving you custody. You would need this in case the father of the forth grandchild challenges you for custody.
Normally I would tell you if you can't afford an attorney to go to legal aid. Given the rush of your need I will suggest you find a private attorney. The first visit is free. Given your need and time restraint many attorneys will set up a payment plan if you cannot pay in advance.
There is always the possibility that the father of your fourth grandchild may not want custody in which case he can give custody to you with out any legal battles.
My suggestion though is tomorrow morning you call an attorneys' office and find one that you can see tomorrow afternoon.
So I'm 13 years old, nearly 14 and I've been fingered the first time it was only for like 30 secs, I thought this was a long time. A few days later I was fingered by someone else for much longer I couldn't really feel anything so he uses two fingers and it was better not too tight tho. Does this mean there's something wrong, am I too young, am I a slag
I agree with the advice given by Dragonflymagic and solidadvice4teens. Both have offered you very good advice. Like solidadvice4teens I am concerned that you allowed two different boys do this with you.
I'll let you in on a secret about teenage boys. Regardless of what they might tell you about keeping anything sexual you may do with them a secret. They can't help but boast about what they did to their buddies. Not only do they boast about it but the exaggerate much like fisherman stories where the fish he has caught was 1 inch long but by the 5th or 6th time he tells the story he has caught a whale. This is how young women get reputations they don't want.
Yes puberty has struck you and you may feel sexual frustrated. The best and safest way to satisfy that is self-gratification, masturbation. You go in your room, close and lock the door. Turn the lights down low, get comfortable and finger yourself. You can also do this in the shower or bath.
Contrary to what your parent might tell you about masturbation, or playing with yourself. There is nothing wrong with it. According to a recent survey 85% of the population masturbates. This would include your parents. Mutual masturbation is part of foreplay prior to intercourse. Hand jobs and oral sex is included under the heading of masturbation. So enjoy.
As for not getting any satisfaction from the boys fingering you; I would not worry too much on that as there could several reasons. The most common reasons would be you were too anxious to relax and enjoy it. Many girls worry about getting pregnant, which can't happen from fingering.
Then there are two types of women when it comes to sex. Most women enjoy both clitoral stimulation and insertion. But then there are the two types that can only be stimulated one way or the other.
One of the benefits of masturbation is you will learn this about yourself as you learn where your pleasure spots are. So I suggest when and if you do masturbate you also allow one hand to caress your body as you do so to find those spots. When you’re older and ready to have sex then you can show your partner how to please you and you should also encourage him how to please you.
For the moment though you are many years away from the time to have full sexual activity.
I'm an eighteen year old girl and I still don't know how to talk to people. I know it sounds pathetic. I haven't had much (close) friends because of it. I'm SO bad with words. I can't even have a real conversation with my boyfriend because of it. I'm really insecure. I never know the right words to say. Is there something wrong with me? Help would be much appreciated. Thanks so much.
Relax your somewhat normal for your age. We all go through a stage of social anxiety at one time or another. I was cured of mine by a Drill Sargent in Air Force Basic Training. I'm not recommending you enlist in the Air Force or any other armed service. My father suffered with it way into his adult years. He turned his around when he took a job in the Marketing Department of a major Company. He took a Dale Carnegie course on Public Speaking. Which is an excellent course to take if you plan to work in any sector of business that will have you interacting with others and clients.
Another way to cure social anxiety is to meet with a psychologist for talk therapy. The psychologist becomes you new best friend. Someone you can trust with your deepest darkest secrets knowing no one will ever know what is spoken in therapy as it is confidential. Through talk therapy and being open and honest with the psychologist they can point out the cause of your problem, suggest ways to overcome it and help you raise your self-esteem.
Being 18 you are still covered under any insurance your parents may have at work. Ask then to find out if they have an EAP benefit. If they do ask them to get the number of the coordinator. Then call and ask them to help you find a psychologist to help you. They may ask the type of help you are looking for as psychologist do specialize so tell them. This information does not get back to your parents or their employer.
The first few visits should be paid for in full by the EAP program. Then your family health insurance kicks in as per the benefits of that program detail. You need to be comfortable with the therapist; if you are not call the EAP number again and ask for a different therapist.
Hello, I'm 22 and a small built female. I add small built because it'll play into my question later.
I graduated with my bachelors degree in sociology and psychology a little over a year ago. I'm working in a daycare now to get experience with children. However, the place I am at now, I had put my two weeks in. This place is just very poorly ran, my boss lost a child the other day, the director and assistant director leave to go shopping together all the time, they tell us to lie to parents on progress reports so I just felt that I needed to get out. So, on Friday at the end of this current week, I will be unemployed. I have enough money saved, I live at home still and my car is paid off so I'm not really financially worried. The only thing that worries me is finding a job. Thus far, the only jobs I've been finding are ones where I would need to travel into people's homes and like I had earlier said, that makes me very uncomfortable because I am small and god forbid, if anything happens, I don't know if I could defend myself. Plus, my own dad even said it would worry him to see me going to work everyday knowing things like that could happen.
So my question is: does anybody know of a job that I could look into that would entail me NOT going into people's homes and invading their space that requires a bachelors degree in sociology and psychology? I do plan on going back for my masters within the next upcoming semester but in the meantime, I would like to get experience under my belt.
Thank you so much!
Have you tried the local hospital(s). Social workers are used in hospitals for a variety of reasons. Your sociology degree would help you there.
Also my wife worked for a Mental Health Company that handled the mental health portions of many major insurance companies. They used social workers to do patient reviews with hospitals and review treatment plans with clinicians for approval of treatment.
Private message me with the state, the state only please, that you live in. If her company has an office in that state I will respond with the company name and location of the office. I warn you that they are notoriously low pay though they will underwrite your continuing educational costs.
I've grown up with depression. Literally. I cannot remember one moment when I never experienced it.
Some months ago, I found out about Lexapro and suggested it to my psychiatrist. I took a low dosage of it for a few months, but lately, I've been taking 30mg (about to start taking 40mg). My happiness has soared higher than my depression now! :D
Before this 30mg, I never EVER wanted to get out of bed and take care of myself. I looked absolutely HORRIBLE.
But now, I have an obsession with taking care of my appearance which makes me genuinely happier the more obsessed with taking care of it I am.
So does anyone have any detailed tips on how to take PERFECT, PURE care of my hair, skin, body and teeth?
And I'd appreciate about health too if you can. Thank you SO SO SO MUCH! I can't put into words how much I'd appreciate any tips and help!!!!
I do not have any tips about hair care but I do want to suggest you tell your psychiatrist as the obsession with your appearance and hair care may be a side effect of the medication.
Obsessions are part of Obsessive compulsive behavior or OCD. Something your doctor needs to be aware off.
Lets start off my saying I'm only 15, so I have along way to go before I'm even ready to start thinking about taking a child under my wing, but I just want to start by being well informed about the adoption process and how it all works to if I do decide in the future that I would want to adopt, I won't be such an amateur. I can't handle small children, I do a lot better with older children so I probably would want to adopt a child 10 or older. I've tried researching this but all I could find was the adoption process of new borns. I don't know if it's the same of current at all. If any of you know a reliable source, or are well informed about this process, I would love to hear it, thanks in advance!
I am not familiar with the adoption process other than it does differ from state to state. One thing in your favor is you would be looking to adopt an older child which are harder to place for adoption verses an infant or toddler.
The best place to get the information your looking for would be you local Child Welfare Office. while your there asking about adaption information ask about the big brother and sister program. This is a program that someone like you should get involved in a be a big brother or sister to an older orphan in the states care.
What this does for you is gives the agency an opportunity to get to know you and see you interact with the children in the age groups you are looking to adopt. This will definitely help as the preference is to have children adopted by couples. If your looking to be a singe parent you are going to need all the help you can get if you wish to adopt. Being a big brother or sister is a step in that direction.
Hi!
I am 19 and just ended freshman year at college. It was a good year but the only down side was guys. I have never been in a relationship but have been thinking about having sex for two years now. I used to want to keep my virginity till marriage but now I have decided to wait until i got in a serious relationship with someone special. The only problem is that I am very sexually frustrated and thinking about my virginity all the time is starting to give me anxiety.
I am in Florida for the summer and thought I should try to experiment sexually. I met a 24 year old guy 2 weeks ago and we've hooked up 3 times so far. Each time I gave him a blow job and he fingered me, that's it.
Last night I was going down on him in his car and he recorded me with his phone but I wasn't paying attention. After he left I got mad about it and I told him I didn't want to continue hooking up with him anymore. He agreed.
My birthday is in two days and I really want to lose my virginity just to get it out of the way but I don't know if I should do it with him or not. He is very attractive and mature but he only wants a friend with benefits and I'll probably never see him after this summer.
I am worried I might be making a mistake though.
What should I do ?
Losing one’s virginity is a very personal question. I believe you know the answer to your question and are just looking for confirmation.
We all know what it is like to be sexually frustrated especially when we have yet made the decision to lose our virginity. This goes for boys as well as girls. There is nothing wrong using masturbation to stem the sexual frustration. In fact 85% of us masturbate and this includes married couples. Mutual masturbation is part of foreplay.
Losing one’s virginity is different for a guy verses a girl. There is no way to tell if a guy is a virgin or not. Once a girl gives up their virginity there is no going back. She is no longer a virgin once a penis enters her vagina even a fraction of an inch.
I think it is wrong for a girl to give up her virginity just to get rid of it. It is such an intimate act that there should be some romance involved. You don't have to be looking to marry the guy but you should be in some type of relationship with him.
The guy you write of is not someone you want to give your virginity to. For one thing he is not going to appreciate it and will probably not make it special for you, because there is no love between you. You would be just another conquest for him as he is a player.
My advice is to hold on to your virginity a bit longer, until you find someone who will appreciate the gift you are giving him; someone that has feelings for you and will make it special, someone who will do his best to make it as painless as possible for you. In this way your first real sexual experience will be a positive one.
I am getting a new phone. I currently have a Sam sung Galaxy Core prime ,but I am getting a samung galaiamp 2 today so I am going to sell my Samsung Galaxy core prime . I paid $115.00 for it how much should I sell my Samsung Galaxy core prime for?
You are better off trading it in then trying to sell it. Phones have little resale value as it is due to the advances the new phones have. If you have already picked up your new phone look for a phone trade in drop off place. They look like ATMs they will give you a proper value for the phone with out the hassle.
Before somebody calls me lazy, I'm 23 and I've been working since I was 15 and volunteering since I was 9. I'm currently on my way to a Masters degree and an honors student...so no I don't have a lack of will power and I'm not lazy.
I've hated every job I've ever had doing a variety of different things from web design to retail to real estate to office work to call center stuff. I HATE WORKING! I feel like I'm just wasting my life away every time I start a shift. Lately it's been driving me crazy and I want to just quit!
I always think about all the other things I could be doing.
I want to live my life. I enjoy domestic activities like cooking, throwing family events, taking care of my home and pets. I like spending my time going to the gym, to music events, festivals, to the park, beach, doing crafty stuff, shopping, etc.
I feel like I'm just wasting my entire life away slaving for a paycheck. Even days I only work 3-4 hours I get really angry about it because I want to be doing other things and feel like I've spent my entire life working and in school so I can WORK MORE! I'd rather die than work for 30-40 more years!
My mom was a domestic house wife who raised the kids for most of her adult life and whenever she tells me about it I think that life sounds perfect...except I dislike kids. I see them as more work, more messes to clean up, more money down the drain, more time wasted.
I wish I could just find an older man who's okay with me being a stay at home wife and making a happy home for us and doing all the chores, cooking, making plans, etc. Nowadays though every guy wants a woman who works just as much or more than he does. Things have totally changed and I feel like the whole world is against me. The minute I tell a man I want to be a home maker, he looks like he wants to spit on my face.
How do I find somebody who wants the traditional lifestyle where he's happy working and coming home to a faithful woman who makes sure dinner is on the table and the home is clean?
I just really don't want to work any longer than I absolutely have to. The workforce is just not for me...
There are men out there who are looking for a women just like you. These men are corporate professionals looking to climb the corporate ladder. They are looking for well educated women who are good looking, eye candy is the term used, who will support them as they climb the corporate ladder.
Your side of the marriage would be to keep the home in guest ready shape at all times. Be able to put on a dinner with just a few hours notice for an important business interest. Be the social side of the marriage being active in all the right clubs and charities. They also what someone to love and who will love them for who they are not what they might become.
Never having a bad hair day and always looking your best. Especially when attending corporate events. Must be well spoke and willing to relocate as your husband moves up the corporate ladder.
Where do you find these men? Most are Lawyers; some a doctors and many have MBA's and work in the Wall Street arena. They all have busy lives and may not have time to date and find the women they are looking for. Many turn to dating sites such as Harmony and Match.com.
If you fit what they are looking for then I suggest you fill out a profile on one or more of these sites both you and the man you are looking for are looking for custom fits in an off the rack world. Dating sites are the way to find a custom fit.
You may have to give in on one area; children. Children are part of the corporate picture, though if your husband is one of the fortunate ones you can hire a nanny.
My wife and I have a great marriage. She and I have another male/female couple that we have regualr sex with. I currently make love to my male friend about four times a month. My wife and my male lover's wife would like us guys to have sex more often, they mentioned having sex about 15-20 nights per month. Is is a good idea?
While my wife and I have never entertained this type of lifestyle; I would think one or a couple would do so for the obvious reason of new and different sexual relations. Having sex with your swinging relation 15 to 2 times a month to me would take then both the new and different out of the relationship putting it into more of combined or polyamory relationship.
My vote would be to say no to this request if you wish to keep the relationship fresh.
My daughter was diagnosed as obese at her 11 birthday checkup she was 4'11 and 135 pounds we changed lifestyles, family workouts and healthier foods. But now she is almost 13 5'2 and nearly 170 pounds I'm sure there has to be another reason for her constant weight gain but every doctor we go to just lowers her self esteem and gives up more heath pan flits
Please help I am a very worried mother
I am not a doctor so I cannot make a diagnoses. I am a parent and like you I cannot be watching my child 24 hours a day. It is very possible that when she is not in you line of sight she is sneaking food. The question now becomes why does she do this?
My thoughts lean towards depression. Yes children her age do suffer from depression and depression is the primary reason for teenage suicide. There are probably multiple causes for her depression that she probably will not discuss with you.
I believe the proper course of action for you to take at this time would be to meet with a child psychiatrist for a proper evaluation to see if she is suffering from teenage depression. Your family doctor is not qualified to do this. You also want to find a psychiatrist who is Board Certified as they have the best training in psychiatry.
After the psychiatrist evaluates your daughter the suggestion most likely will be follow up talk therapy with a child psychologist. What is important in selecting a psychologist is that your daughter be comfortable with the him or her. If she is not the therapy won't work for she has to be comfortable enough with the therapist to open up and tell him or her why she feels the way she does to the root cause of her problem.
NO matter how much you may like the therapist if she does not you need to find her a new one. Also what ever she and the therapist discuss is confidential it has to be for the therapy to work. The therapist will never tell you what was said but will tell you what you need to do to support your daughter. Please do not ask your daughter to tell you what went on in therapy. It must be her decision to tell you or not.
I'm seventeen and live in Kentucky. So, I'm supposed to be taking several psychiatric medications, and I've been diagnosed with bipolar, anxiety, ADHD, and potentially OCD. I got in trouble recently and now my parents refuse to take me to the psychiatrist or pay for the medication. They also won't allow me to have a job anymore so I can't pay for it myself. Just so you know, it's not like I'm just trying to get pills or anything. I've actually struggled quite a bit with the idea of having to take medication, but I've kind of accepted that it does help a lot and I can't handle this on my own. I've attempted suicide before and I become very depressed and very manic without this medication. I don't like being dependent on drugs for any reason, but I'm just worried about what I might do without it. So I guess my question is, is what my parents doing legal?
Short answer is NO ITS NOT LEGAL until your 18 your parents are responsible for your health and welfare. Your parents may be confusing the age of majority and when you are deemed an adult under the law. One has nothing to do with the other.
You mention you got in trouble recently; are your parents punishing you by not paying for your medications or taking you to the doctor. If so they age guilty of neglect and child abuse. If they think that by law they are no longer responsible for you as you are past the age of majority in Kentucky they are confusing the age of consent with the age of legal adult and are still guilty of neglect and child abuse.
What are your rights? Since you have written "but I'm just worried about what I might do," and you have tried suicide before. That you are diagnosed with among others bipolar disorder you cannot be unmediated.
PICK UP A PHONE AND CALL 911. YES THIS IS AN EMERGENCY SITUATION FOR YOU. Tell the call take what you have written to us. Both the fire department and police department will be dispatched to where ever you are. The police are there to see to your safety and to make sure your parents allow the fire department paramedic have the chance to evaluate you and take you to the hospital where you will receive the proper treatment.
17/f
My 17th birthday is in two weeks (in winter). My mom just lost her job so i cant do anything to expensive. Please of you have any ideas of what i could do ?
I was first thinking me and friends go to this new tramploline place and then i thought of having a fancy high tea at night outside with fairy lights and stuff but i dont know what all we would do and how to keep it not expensive. Please help
You must be from the southern hemisphere as here in the north we are coming into summer. I'm sorry to hear mom has lost her job. Hopefully she will find a new one quickly.
This may sound old fashion given your advanced ages. lol I'm thinking of a pajama party. You take over the basement or living room. You ask your friends to bring sodas and snack, their favorite videos and you spend the night doing girlie things.
It could be fun and with everyone bringing something it would be very inexpensive. A 17th birthday is not considered a milestone event, at least here in the States. Here we see milestone birthdays as a girls sweet sixteen, her 18th birthday, her 21st birthday and her 25th I'm not sure why the 25th is a milestone event but for some reason it is.
The point I'm trying to make is that circumstances prevent mom from throwing you a birthday party this year. Frankly once you have your sweet sixteen the next big party to celebrate your birthday would be your 18th and 21st. The birthdays between 18th and 21st would be low key family things with a cake at dinner.
For my sons twenty first birthday, which is the legal drinking age here, his friends decided to take him out drinking. We had a cake at dinner for him and his best friend joined us for dinner. At 9 O'clock a limo I hired arrived to pick him and his friends up to take them into the city to have fun.
For his 18th Birthday his friends came over they gave me their car keys and in the basement were several 6 packs of bear. In the morning, it was more like noon, they breakfast if I deemed them sober they got their keys back. If not I drove them home.
There are lots of ways to celebrate a birthday without spending a lot of money. I'm almost positive mom has all the ingredients to make a cake from scratch in the house. It is in expensive and it would be some good mother and daughter time if you baked it together.
Hello internet,
I come to you in a time of great indecision. My sister was recently diagnosed with aplastic anemia, which is basically bone marrow failure. There are a few treatments for this disease but only one potential cure : bone marrow transplant. As her sibling, I have a 25% chance of being a match and the hospital is going to call me to ask if I'd like to test if I'm a match. The problem, however, is that I have severe anxiety. Especially with doctors and medical procedures. The whole idea of having to have a huge needle stuck into my pelvic bone makes me nauseous. Besides all this, the odds are in the favor that I won't even be a match and my sister can try to find marrow in the registry of donors (with her being caucasian the chance of finding a donor lies somewhere between 85-90%). I'm thinking I'll tell the hospital that I don't want to test to find if I'm a match. I don't think I could live with myself if I found out that I was a match, only to back out of the procedure due to my overwhelming anxiety. Can anyone offer me any advice?
Answer this question. How would you feel if you allowed your anxieties to stand in the way of your sisters best chance at life by not finding out if you are a match? Your sisters very life could lie in your very bones. It is time to man up and do what needs to be done to save your sisters life. You do it in steps.
Step one: You are not the only one who has anxiety over doctors and needles. The doctors can make you very comfortable even putting you out for each procedure if need be. What is important here is you give your sister every chance for life by not eliminating the possibility that you are a match. A familiar match is better than donor as there is less chance of rejection.
Step two: IF you are a match you tell the doctors you need to be knocked out for the procedure. When you wake up you want to be pain free so as much pain medicine as you can handle should be administered while you are in the OR.
The doctors will listen to you. They want the best match for your sister and they will do everything possible to make you comfortable.
For five days now I've had an extremely sore throat with mouth and tongue pain, redness and swelling of the tonsils and throat, and two tiny white spots on both sides of my tonsils. I went to a walk in clinic this morning where I got an ARNP (nurse practitioner) that flashed a light in my mouth for maybe all of 2 seconds, did a swab, and then sent me back to the waiting room.
Step test came back negative...but then he put me on a high dose antibiotic that he said would also treat Strep "in case" the test was wrong and he said Strep was going around.
I'm not sure why, but I just feel like he overlooked something. I've never had a sore throat this bad with pain also on the inside of my mouth and back of the tongue.
I saw those two white spots before AND after the doctor appointment today, but he said he didn't see them...
Should I just wait it out a few days and see what happens or should I call my primary care physician tomorrow?
I'm not a doctor though I'm fairly certain a strep culture takes more than a few minutes to develop usually 24 hours to get the results. Still I believe the diagnoses is correct that you have a strep infection.
If you are not satisfied or uncomfortable with the diagnosis then you should get a second opinion. If you do not have a family doctor you can go to a hospital emergency room and ask to see a doctor not a nurse practioner or another clinic staffed by doctors.
I'm sure there are many good nurse practioner out there. My nephew is a nurse practioner. Still my insurance company pays for me to see doctors so I have a family doctor and I make my appointments with her not the nurse practioner that shares her office.
If you don't have a family doctor I suggest you find one. These walk in clinics are good for emergencies as they take the load of hospital emergency rooms. Still a family doctor who see's you regularly will know you best and know how to treat you best.
Hello. I'm 26 years old/female. I have a master's degree in education and working towards my second masters degree in school counseling. I am a full time elementary school teacher with experience in special education and ESL training. I have a second job teaching english to children in China online. I live on my own, have my own apartment and even help my mom. I receive no financial help from anyone. No one paid my way through school. Everything I have done has been on my own and I've had to work very hard to get to where I am today.
I'm 5 feet tall and have a petite stature. I have a young face simply because I have good genes. It also helps that I don't really drink or smoke. Due to my held religious beliefs, I don't really participate in the nightlife scene, like many people my age. I don't date around. I'm not trying to say anything bad about people who do all these things. I'm just saying that stressful relationships, alcohol, smoking, and drugs ages people much more quickly. So, given that I haven't been exposed to such, it has probably contributed to a youthful appearance.
Usually, most people would be happy about this. But, it's really starting to bother me. It seems like people treat me as though I was a teenager. I don't care if it's done and then I correct it and the person then changes their ways. But, I find that I can tell people: I'm 26 and they'll still say:
- you're too young to get married
- you're too young to have a baby
- you're too young to have a full time job
- you're too young to own a property
- you should be "having fun"
It's very upsetting to me. I am having a hard time right now because I am not married, but I really want to have a baby. I have a career, live on my own, provide for myself, etc. I'm almost 30 years old. I am not "too young" to do anything. I am an adult. I had a situation where I was interviewing for a job and right in front of my face they were discussing whether or not they should hire me because parents may complain about me being too young. Nobody treats my other co-workers like this. Nobody treats my friends like this. They just congratulate them on getting married, having kids, buying a house, etc. But, I'm the eternal child just because I look young.
I don't want to hear: "you'll be happy when you're 40." I am not going to wait until I'm 40 to demand respect. Can anyone please give me some advice on this?
You are blessed with a youthful appearance. Sometimes blessings can also be a curse which from your writing seems to be your problem. One day a clerk will call you ma'am and you will be shocked because you don't feel that old though to the pimple faced teenager at the register you will be really old at double their 18 years of age, I know for that is when I was first called sir. With your youthful appearance it might be longer before your called ma'am.
That is not why you’re writing. There are things you can try to make yourself look older though if you look as young as you say you do it could backfire as it would look as if you might be a teenager trying to look older.
Things you can do to look older is to try different hair styles, longer, shorter, different color. Dress differently; older women wear their hemlines longer to knee length or an inch or two above the knee. The slacks they wear are not quite as tight. This is how you would dress for job interviews and work.
As for dating I am going to suggest you try a dating sight such as Match.com. It worked well for my son who had two problems. The first he had been badly hurt by one girl he was engaged to and very reluctant to try again. Second he is a firefighter/Paramedic. It takes a special woman to marry a police officer or firefighter for there is no guarantee they come home at end of watch. My future daughter in-law admits she was very reluctant to meet my son, once she did the concern over his job was overcome. They will marry next year, three years after they met and two years after they moved in together.
One suggestion on filling out the profile. Have a friend sit with you when you do. We all have one problem in that we are super critical of ourselves. When you fill out that portion of the profile let your friend help you soften it. IN the section where you say what you’re looking for be a bit open minded there as well.
I made these same suggestions to my son and it was successful. I am positive using a dating site will help you find someone who is a perfect match for you. These sites breaks the ice as you talk first over the phone then you meet for coffee and then the dating and relationship builds.
Most importantly though is don't listen to what other people say. What do they know, especially when they don't know you. You need to be you and the only you that you need to be is, "a better you tomorrow, then you are today."
So im not sure if i have avoidant personality disorder or social anxiety disorder but i do know my anxiety and mental health is starting to control my life and i want it to stop. My symptoms are.. not being able to take criticism or negative feedback, i always end up crying, any change of actions or change in peoples tones of voices make me feel uneasy as if the person is mad at me and again makes me cry. I dont like being the centre of attention, if something embarrassing happens to me in front of people i start panicking and my heart starts racing faster, i cant take rejection especially when its in front of people again it will make me cry, i cant deal with confrontation all it does is make me run away,and also to this day the confrontations ive had are still haunting me in my dreams im over them consciously but i guess not subconsciously. I was always the quiet kid in class at first it was shyness but then in highschool whenever i would talk people would say "why do you talk like that?" or why do you have no emotion in your face? (Apparently i have a monotone voice and my face has no emotion at all) so now i fear people are judging me whenever i talk so i dont and when i do talk in public my voice is automatically soft-spoken now so that people dont detect my monotone voice and i cant control being soft-spoken sometimes my voice is so low that it sounds like im mumbling. Also i dont know why i do this but whenever i talk to people,even if theyre the same age as me i always treat them like theyre superior even though theyre not. My anxiety got really bad in grade 12 when i did a group presentation and i was the centre of attention i was prepared for it but as soon as it was my turn i was shaking, my face turned hot and my eyes were blacking out and i could just feel one of my group members annoyed with how i was presenting, if i talked any longer i wouldve fainted. My first year of university i had one class where the teacher forced us to talk in front of everyone and my anxiety made me avoid going to that class.i finally got a job and the job requires me to interact with customers and so far it has been so hard,i dont know why im afraid of people. I can talk to people if they talk to me first but i wont talk to them first. My sister at her work made tons of friends and shes only been working 3 days meanwhile ive been working for 3 weeks now and ive just now made 2 friends at my work. I also avoid entering rooms by myself that are already filled with a lot of people because i hate being looked at, and if theres a crowd of boys thats when my anxiety kicks in the most. I dont want to compare myself to my sister shes 2 years younger than me but shes already been in almost relationships with guys at least 3 times and at her workplace her new friends all complimented how she looked. Meanwhile i dont get any compliments or male attention, my dad said its cause i always have an angry expression on my face (resting b face) but i use that as a defense mechanism. Any tips on how to overcome this? I know none of you are doctors but i just want some advice thanks im 18 turning 19 year old female.
Not being a doctor I can't make any type of diagnoses past I agree with you that you have problem. Something in your letter makes me feel you are from out side the US, possibly Canada, Great Briton or Australia, in which case you have Nation Health insurance.
I'm not sure how National Health Insurance covers they type of help you need and you do need professional help to over come your problems. The type of problems you are experiencing requires at the very least one on one talk therapy with a qualified psychologist who can help you get at the root cause of your problem.
Somewhere deep in the dark recesses of your mind something happened to cause these problems. On your own you will not find out what the root cause is and you will not find a solution either for you have built a wall around this cause. In talk therapy you will slowly and comfortably open that wall.
I would also say that based on what you have written that you could also be mildly depressed. The stress caused by the problems and the anxiety added together will cause depression. Once again talk therapy will lift the veil of the depression so that you can get to the root cause of your problems.
How do I know this is true. After being involved in auto accident, I was the only person injured and the innocent victim of a three car accident, I became severely depressed as the accident disabled me in a manner that I look fine outwardly but inwardly I am injured. My injuries are such that I am unable to return to a job I enjoyed and forced to retire early. I went to talk therapy and slowly through therapy I regained control over my life. I still cannot work though I have been able to reconcile with my new life.
If you do live in the US and have health insurance through your employer talk therapy is covered if you do not and live someplace that has National Health Insurance find out how to see a psychiatrist fro the most likely need for a referral to a therapist.
A while back, I was friends with my coworkers and very close to them, until a new female employee started working and excluded me from my group of work friends. She is now dating one of the other coworkers. It is very obvious and others have been asking me if they're dating to which I answer yes. I was unaware that this was a secret. Our boss now knows. Also, the female employee texted my best friend saying that I am selfish and a bad person because I gossiped about them, rather than confronting me. P.S We are adults in a post graduate career. However, I honestly feel terrible, should I feel bad? Should I apologize? I just feel very uncomfortable at work and now get anxious about even going into work. I'm just not sure what to do about this situation. Although it does not seem to be a big deal it clearly is to my female coworker. What do I do?
I would say you have nothing to apologize for. she ostracized you from your group of friends. You knew of the dating and because you were not part of the group you did not know she wanted to keep it a secret.
Now I am a different person then you may be so how I would handle this may be out of your comfort zone. I would take this coworker aside and tell her. That ever since she started there she, not you has been the cause of any problems between the two of you. You don't know and you don't care why she took an instant dislike to you. Your sorry her secret got out but that is the consequence of her actions towards you by not sharing with you as she is with others.
You go on to tell her your not looking to be friends but you do expect her to be a professional in the office. Which means she does her job and she shares any and all relevant information pertaining to the job with you. If there is anything about her personal life that might spill over into the office she should email you and tell you if it needs to be kept a secret.
Prior to this conversation with her you go to your boss and tell him or he that you are aware of a problem, not of your making, and that it is your intent to have a serious conversation with her about office professionalism and how to interact with people. You don't know why she has taken a dislike to you but she should keep it out of the office.
You do this to protect yourself so she can't run to the boss and say you threatened her. The boss may tell you to do nothing and let him or her handle it. If so disregard what I have said to say to her.
First off. Im 26 female. Full-time job. I have not had a significant other in 4 going on 5 years. My last guy left me very heartbroken. And kept reappearing in my life . which allowed him to fully move on but not me. Last august i started therapy for depression, loneyness, panic attacks and anxiety. On a good day, things are good and hopeful. On a bad day.. Im very unconfident. I feel like my friend's dont put any effort in to invite me to things, And i feel like i will always be alone.I am on 3 dating websites and it seems like no one wants me. Most of my friends are hooked up so they do not want to go out past 9pm or they dont want to go to events that i might meet people at.
I try to be strong. To be hopeful. But my some days my love keep being just that.. Somday. I know im missing that part of happiness. I just dont know how to be happy with being alone and not having friends or someone to share my life and different events with. Im almos to the point of love will never happen to me again. I had my chance and it failed. I also keep hearinf my brain say somepeople just dont get their happy endings. But i hate saying itbbecause it makes me realize just how sad i am. And theres nothing i can do about it. Does anyone have advice or things i can read to beleive. It hurts being alone. Its so quiet. :(:'(
First what I see talking here is the depression talking. Having been depressed myself I feel confident that is what I am seeing in your writing. Stay in therapy and talk to your therapist about how you feel.
Bout those dating websites. Take down your listings for a month or so. I have a feeling you wrote the profiles while you are depressed. If I'm correct people are not seeing the real you. Here again you need to talk to your therapist and when he or she says your ready you put your profile back on one or two dating websites.
This time you go and have your hair and makeup done then have your photograph taken by a photographer. Use one of the pictures for your profile picture and you have the rest of the package to send to family.
I suggest when you fill out the profile have a good friend sit with you. Why, because we are all to hard on ourselves and a good friend can help you be more you in your profile.
Stay the course with your therapist there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Let's say its 7:45 can't I say its 45 minutes past 7 or when its 7:55 its 55 minutes past 7?? Instead of It's quarter to eight or It's 5 to 8.
People say its wrong when I say that so I was just wondering...
Sorry is this is a dumbass question but I need to clear the air!
First there is no such thing as a dumbass question only a question not asked is dumb.
When it comes to telling someone the time it is really a matter of personal preference. Since this is the digital age I would think if it is 7:45 then say it is 7:45. Being of the older generation I might say it is a quarter to eight. If it is 7:55 I might say it is 10 of 8.
Really there is no right or wrong way to tell time. Way back in the dark ages of the Flintstones when I was taught to tell time the taught us to say the minutes first then the hour. So 7:45 would be 45 past 7. Still nothing say that is the right way it was just how teachers taught back then.