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"You're so young" I'm almost 30.
Hello. I'm 26 years old/female. I have a master's degree in education and working towards my second masters degree in school counseling. I am a full time elementary school teacher with experience in special education and ESL training. I have a second job teaching english to children in China online. I live on my own, have my own apartment and even help my mom. I receive no financial help from anyone. No one paid my way through school. Everything I have done has been on my own and I've had to work very hard to get to where I am today.
I'm 5 feet tall and have a petite stature. I have a young face simply because I have good genes. It also helps that I don't really drink or smoke. Due to my held religious beliefs, I don't really participate in the nightlife scene, like many people my age. I don't date around. I'm not trying to say anything bad about people who do all these things. I'm just saying that stressful relationships, alcohol, smoking, and drugs ages people much more quickly. So, given that I haven't been exposed to such, it has probably contributed to a youthful appearance.
Usually, most people would be happy about this. But, it's really starting to bother me. It seems like people treat me as though I was a teenager. I don't care if it's done and then I correct it and the person then changes their ways. But, I find that I can tell people: I'm 26 and they'll still say:
- you're too young to get married
- you're too young to have a baby
- you're too young to have a full time job
- you're too young to own a property
- you should be "having fun"
It's very upsetting to me. I am having a hard time right now because I am not married, but I really want to have a baby. I have a career, live on my own, provide for myself, etc. I'm almost 30 years old. I am not "too young" to do anything. I am an adult. I had a situation where I was interviewing for a job and right in front of my face they were discussing whether or not they should hire me because parents may complain about me being too young. Nobody treats my other co-workers like this. Nobody treats my friends like this. They just congratulate them on getting married, having kids, buying a house, etc. But, I'm the eternal child just because I look young.
I don't want to hear: "you'll be happy when you're 40." I am not going to wait until I'm 40 to demand respect. Can anyone please give me some advice on this?
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You are blessed with a youthful appearance. Sometimes blessings can also be a curse which from your writing seems to be your problem. One day a clerk will call you ma'am and you will be shocked because you don't feel that old though to the pimple faced teenager at the register you will be really old at double their 18 years of age, I know for that is when I was first called sir. With your youthful appearance it might be longer before your called ma'am.
That is not why you’re writing. There are things you can try to make yourself look older though if you look as young as you say you do it could backfire as it would look as if you might be a teenager trying to look older.
Things you can do to look older is to try different hair styles, longer, shorter, different color. Dress differently; older women wear their hemlines longer to knee length or an inch or two above the knee. The slacks they wear are not quite as tight. This is how you would dress for job interviews and work.
As for dating I am going to suggest you try a dating sight such as Match.com. It worked well for my son who had two problems. The first he had been badly hurt by one girl he was engaged to and very reluctant to try again. Second he is a firefighter/Paramedic. It takes a special woman to marry a police officer or firefighter for there is no guarantee they come home at end of watch. My future daughter in-law admits she was very reluctant to meet my son, once she did the concern over his job was overcome. They will marry next year, three years after they met and two years after they moved in together.
One suggestion on filling out the profile. Have a friend sit with you when you do. We all have one problem in that we are super critical of ourselves. When you fill out that portion of the profile let your friend help you soften it. IN the section where you say what you’re looking for be a bit open minded there as well.
I made these same suggestions to my son and it was successful. I am positive using a dating site will help you find someone who is a perfect match for you. These sites breaks the ice as you talk first over the phone then you meet for coffee and then the dating and relationship builds.
Most importantly though is don't listen to what other people say. What do they know, especially when they don't know you. You need to be you and the only you that you need to be is, "a better you tomorrow, then you are today."
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Unfortunately, I don't know of any youthful looking people who have found a way to stop people from assuming what they assume. I am not saying that it is right that people are telling you what you can and can't do with your life.
It is very bad manners to do so. You can't stop them from doing so, but perhaps you'd get some satisfaction from pointing it out in several creative ways.
Before you choose one of the following or come up with a good line of your own, You might want to start with, I don't mean to hurt your feelings but I have something I must say...
1. "I don't recall asking your opinion if you thought I was too young to (fill in whatever they said you were too young for.) Until I do ask, I'd appreciate if you keep your opinion to yourself.
2. Last time I checked, even 16 year olds can marry with parents permission and I am LOTS older than that
3. You know, you're right...I AM too young to have a baby. I should wait until I am 50 when I may no longer have any viable eggs!
4.I may be too young for many things in your eyes. But this I know, you are old enough to know better to not be rude or give your opinion when not asked for it.
5. I suppose your MUTE button for your voice is broken most the time. Until it is fixed, I don't believe I want to spend any time around you.
6. You know, you're right. But I will wait until I am 100 years old before I take your advice.
You can be creative, or say something rude back to get their attention. If all they get is rude responses, they will stop giving their opinion or they may enjoy the challenge and go for verbal sparring. If this is the type they are, then the way to stop them is showing that it doesnt bother you. Some people say rude things because of the payoff, getting to witness the other person having their cage rattled, getting upset or angry. I wish you the best and you are not too old or too young for anything. Blessings to you.
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Hiya! Dr.D here!
I'd give anything to have a young face like yours. I am a man. But I'm not old. But when I got a grey hair after a few months out of school. I, Flipped, Out.
Sorry, onto the main topic. I know what its like. I have worked far and hard to get where I am today. But because of your looks your saying that people don't give you respect. I honestly am having problems of forming words in my mouth for this. Well, here goes.
I suggest you present yourself formal. Show that you are a independent women, and are a good symbol of what hard work gets you. You should show your successes, and progress. And show that you are the perfect person for the job.
Now yes, some people say that you should be living your life a bit more before your older. But you should remind them that you are in control of your life, and may do what you want. I personally think that you are perfect. Don't let everyone else get to you.
I wish you good luck, and I hope I help.
-Dr.D
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