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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
how can I have the motivation to do good in college to reach my dream career when can't even make close friends? I haven't had a close friend since elementary school and high school was horrible cause I never hung out with anyone or got invited to anything. so I spent most of my childhood online. but it wasn't by choice, it was because it was the only way I could talk to other people, cause talking to random people is better than nothing. and I also buried myself into music, I feel like certain albums are the closest thing I've ever felt to true friendship. when I look back over my high school years that's the only positive thing. here i am asking a question on Y!A and throughout my life I've asked very tough questions I probably should have asked close friends to random strangers on the internet. just started college and I thought I'd finally be able to form close bonds but I still can't. I don't know whats wrong with me. I'm nice and accepting of everyone. I dont want the depression that took hold of me in high school and caused me to self sabotage myself start again in college. but whats the point of even getting my dream career when it won't get me the friendship and intimacy I want with other people? there's no point. I can't keep lying to myself everyday that everything is ok and being optimistic especially with sites like fb where everyone has pics of all the fun things they do and I never do. i know nobody has a perfect life but it's just ridiculous to be 18 and never have been invited to a party since my freshman year of high school (and not even a crazy party, just a christmas party), never been kissed/asked out, or anything. i see everyone else doing these normal things and i cant even do anything and sometimes it really makes me consider suicide even though I want to make things better. and then when some people now try to talk to me I push them away cause its like now a thing in my mind that I can't be happy and can't have happiness cause whomever I try to be friends with always ignores me at some point so I just start ignoring someone before they can hurt me when they start to show interest. its a horrible cycle. i dont want to live my life like this anymore. i mean its too many times i've written to strangers online while close to tears or actually crying and nothing seems to change and i dont know if i'll allow myself to change or try to be happy when it never ever lasts. I mean this pains me every single day and I always hide it from other people and appear pleasant and nobody can tell that when I say I'm ok I usually feel horrible inside but I don't think they really care about me to really hear the story, even though I've helped countless other people (that I'm not sure were even really my friends) with their problems
You have asked a tough question; one that is going to be tough to answer for someone like me who is not a trained psychologist. What did jump out at me was the part about being fearful of being hurt if you did form a relationship with anyone and how that makes you push people away.
Fear is a real emotion one that can almost and sometimes does paralyze people. The fear of being hurt emotionally or physically is probably one of our biggest fears. This is something you need to speak with someone trained to help you with such as a psychologist. Your college health center most likely has someone on staff who can help you.
As for making friends. Some of the things kids do, both in grade school and in college, we may find ourselves in envy of but they are not really something we can make ourselves do or enjoy. We are therefore are looked at as a wet blanket. It does not mean we have to be friendless. There are a lot of people like this. These people have very distinct ideas as to what they enjoy doing and what things kids do they find childish or possibly something that can be hurtful. As I said that fear of being hurt is very powerful.
What you can do is sit down and make a list of things you like to do. Yes, put pen to paper and list out all the things you find enjoyable. The could be religious things, certain subjects at College, cooking, cake decorating, dining, bowling, archery, hiking you name the activities you like doing. Once you have that list number them in the order of importance to you. Then take the top 5 and look to see if there are any club, groups or activities for these activities that you can take part in. Keep going down the list until you find 3 or 4 activities to check out.
One of the most important part in making friends or building a relationship is not how attractive you are. It is common interests that make for friendships and relationships. The ability to communicate is how we learn about one another. Having a common interest gives you something to talk about which breaks through that awkward barrier that hinders many from forming friendships and relationships.
You are old enough that I can be straight with you. If you can't communicate with someone or have something in common with each other a relationship is bound to fail. Sex will only take a relationship so far at some point you will wake up and have to talk to each other. This is why I am recommending what I am to you. Make friends first. From a friendship a relationship can be built. From a strong relationship sex can evolve if the chemistry is there.
As for the fear of being hurt. It is a natural fear that all of us have. Before you allow it to totally paralyze you seek the help of a good therapist to find ways to control it.
M/17.
I'm a senior in HS. I've been getting really confused and annoyed lately. I'm starting to really hate school. It's becoming somewhat of a blackmail already. I'm tired of being forced to do all this work that I really don't want to do, and I'm tired of everybody thinking they know everything. And everyone's advice contradicts. EVERYONE is bugging me about college, except for my parents(ironic) The last 2 days, I've even had substitute teachers giving me suggestions and advice about college/applying. About a million lectures about it. My friends say I'm slacking and I it seems like everyone is done with their essays and stuff. I have barely started a list. I hate how everything I want to do is wrong or stupid. I want to go to college. But it seems like whatever my choice is, it will be stupid and wrong because everyone knows everything and can predict the future. If I don't go, I'm a "failure" and I'll "never make money", if I do go, my college "isn't good enough" or "I'll never get a job unless the college is a prestigious one" One person will suggest something, then another will say it's complete bull. On top of all this, I'm trying to recover from a porn and video game addiction that went on for years. This is my longest run without them. Sometimes I feel great and then I'll just have a major mood swing. And now I have family talking to me as if not dong the college stuff quick enough is a disgusting felony. This senior year is also by far the worst year so far, and I don't mean academically (yet)It's been so dry and bland and no fun, and a lot of people I met freshman year have turned into d-bags. Some friends disappeared, some changed, some girls that were nice and friendly are now arrogant and conceited. I want to d well academically, I want to get into a 4 year college, but I also want to just do what I feel like doing for once, I never have time for what I want to do because of school. And then of course people will say that I don't appreciate things and say stuff about how some people can't go to school. School IS like blackmail, if you don't do what they tell you to do, they ruin your reputation, with stupid numbers that don't prove anything about me. I was always told that school is a place for learning, so why is it that one can learn what is taught and pass a test which proves it, but be called a stupid failure according to their "numerical image"? Oh yeah, I learned x, y, and z, but this report card defines me as a horrible person who didn't. And horrible grades is a felony. get out of my face already.
First of all forget about what your friends say as they are know nothings both literally and figuratively. At best they are bragging about the schools their parents can afford to send them too. At worst they are spiteful that they do not have the opportunities that they see you may have in front of you.
Next, these kids you are friends with today will probably not be friends much longer as you will all go your separate ways as you go off to college and or the military. For those who do neither you may find that you will out grow them as you go off to college and leave them behind to find jobs. One or two of your close friends may stay your friends but it is doubtful.
As for the advice other adults are giving you. I'm sure it is well intentioned which you should listen to respectfully as they are adults then let it drift out the other ear and forget about unless they say something you wish to check out.
You sound stressed out. Stress itself can cause a lot of problems. The last two years of high school is a very stressfully time for any teenager. Then there is the porn addiction you speak of. By the way I don't think there is any thing wrong with pornography as long as it does not make for an all encompassing activity. You say you have good grades so I would have to believe you did not let your so called addiction interfere with your school work. Have you ever sought the help of a therapist about this?
As I said stress causes a lot of problems, one of which is depression. What we parents once thought was a phase our kids went through we now know may be a form of depression that is easily treatable through talk therapy.
Talking to a therapist allows you to de-stress knowing that everything you say stays with the therapist. No one not even your parents can know what is talked about in therapy. Not even a court order can compel a therapist, who is a doctor or social worker, to say what you and they speak about. You can talk about your deepest and darkest secrets knowing they are held in the deepest confidence.
Just like you did here you can say what you please and no your therapist will chastise you in anyway. Your therapist is there to support and help you find solutions.
I recommend you see your family doctor and ask to be screened for mild depression. Even if your doctor finds you are not depressed I would suggest you ask for a referral to a talk therapist. To help with the stress you are carrying.
I would bet you felt a little bit better after writing to us. If you did you will feel even better being able to speak with a therapist in a one on one basis.
So I was was off of birth control pills cause I had to reorder them once I got them I started taking them well my boyfriend and I had sex it was my first time and used a condom nothing brook or anything I missed my period in September now its October and I got my period but. Now I'm hungry all the time I talked to my mom and she said maybe. I should take a test but I just agree what should I do?
There are a lot of reasons for missing a period, pregnancy is just one of them. Stress is the biggest reason after pregnancy for missing a period. If you were stressing out over possibly being pregnant that could be a reason. If you had a normal period it is unlikely you are pregnant.
Taking a home pregnancy test is a good way to put your mind at ease. If it comes back positive take a second test with a different product. If that too is positive then you are probably pregnant and need to see a doctor.
If I were the type to make a bet I would wager that you are not pregnant if you had a normal period.
Soo i got grounded a while ago because i go on Facebook ,Tumblr and Youtube too much and i cant really use the internet unless its for homework :/ ....and i get really bored ! any ideas on what i can do to keep myself busy ! any thing helps , really (:
-in advance : thankk youu ! ^.^
I'm a lot older than you but I have a problem that leaves me a great deal of free time. You see I became disabled in a car accident. Now I'm retired with a lot of free time during the day while my wife is at work.
At first I did a lot of web surfing, played a lot of games my son found for me but they got boring and surfing the web got boring as well.
I started writing short stories, just for my personal entertainment. This allowed me to just let my mind wander. A funny thing happened. When I sit down and start writing hours pass without notice.
As I said I do this for personal enjoyment. You are still in school. THis may be somthing you may be able to do, that you might find enjoyable, to pass the time with the added benefit of turning in for extra credit in English. Just a thought.
Soo i got grounded a while ago because i go on Facebook ,Tumblr and Youtube too much and i cant really use the internet unless its for homework :/ ....and i get really bored ! any ideas on what i can do to keep myself busy ! any thing helps , really (:
-in advance : thankk youu ! ^.^
I'm a lot older than you but I have a problem that leaves me a great deal of free time. You see I became disabled in a car accident. Now I'm retired with a lot of free time during the day while my wife is at work.
At first I did a lot of web surfing, played a lot of games my son found for me but they got boring and surfing the web got boring as well.
I started writing short stories, just for my personal entertainment. This allowed me to just let my mind wander. A funny thing happened. When I sit down and start writing hours pass without notice.
As I said I do this for personal enjoyment. You are still in school. THis may be somthing you may be able to do, that you might find enjoyable, to pass the time with the added benefit of turning in for extra credit in English. Just a thought.
If I am getting a ride from someone, they get pulled over, and the cop searched me and my bags found nothing. But found something in persons car, in his backpack. Can I be charged with the same crime as the person who owns and was driving car?
You have asked a very murky question as each state has different laws regarding this issue.
In general an arrest would be based on what knowledge you may of had that the illegal substance was and where it was in relation to where you were sitting. Also if the driver owned up to the substance being theirs and not yours.
Example: Lets say the driver gets stopped for speeding. The backpack is on the front seat between you or in the back seat in easy reach of either of you.
The officer smells what he or she believes to be the odor of marijuana. The officer then asks for and receives permission to search the car and finds the marijuana. The driver says they did not know it was there and that is not theirs. You say it is not yours and it is not your backpack. You both get arrested. IF the amount is large enough you can be charged with possession with intent to sell.
Moral of the story; do not accept rides from people who you believe may have illegal substances, or weapons in the vehicles as you can end up in the same legal trouble as them. It all depends on the laws in the state you live in and who the officer believes at the time of the stop.
i am ten years old i want to have SEX! CAN I GET PREGNANT
Short answer: If you have gotten your first period the answer is yes.
Long answer: Why does a ten year old want to have sex. Sex is not a sport. It is something that happens between TWO LOVING AND COMMITTED ADULTS NOT CHILDREN.
Even if you have had your first period I am not even sure your body has matured, changed enough from child to women, to accept a male penis without great harm to you. It would certainly be very painful for you to have sex and most likely cause you a great deal of physical harm requiring a doctors intervention to correct. You sweetheart are just to young.
What are you going to tell your parents when you end up in the emergency room at th hospital? Can you handle the names the kids at school will be calling you when they find out and they will. Boys are the biggest blabber mouths when it comes to having sex there ever were. They cannot keep a secret when it comes to having sex. They have to tell someone. Usually their best friend who tells someone else. Given the social networking of today it will be all around school before the sun rises again.
Do you like be physically hurt? The type of hurt the likes of which you have never ever felt before For that is what you will be feeling since I don't believe you body is mature enough for sex.
Do you like being the subject of scorn and ridicule?
If the answer is no then wait until you are much older to have sex..
I really like this 13 year old boy, I am a 11 year old girl but he likes me too(bf, gf way) he grabs my ass and wants to kiss, he also puts my hand on his dick. Should I make out with him? Only problem is other 13 year old boy likes me too and we all live on the same street and hang out alot. What do I do?Also please don't give me any of that choose who u like and follow ur heart junk!
I do agree with the Razhi and luckymadon that these boys are sexually abusing you. They may or may not be aware of what they are doing is sexual abuse. If they are aware of it then they are doing so because they think you are two young to understand what they are doing and can get away with it.
Sexual abuse of another person is a crime regardless of the age of the abuser or the person being abused. Like the others you need to tell your parents what is happening. You also need to stay away from these boys. If this is happening at school you need to tell your teacher or school principal as sexual abuse of another student is not tolerated.
Let me be very straight with you when I say you have done nothing wrong here. You are a victim and these boys are victimizing you. This is though a very good example of why we parents say things like; you are to young to be dating, which you are. This boy is too old for you to be dating; which they are.
It may not seem like a 2 year age difference is that much and in many instances it may not be. In this instance those two years represents a world of difference in maturity and worldliness. The way they are sexually harassing you is proof of that.
If you were older, more mature and more knowledgeable about boys and dating. Then you would know that what they where doing was wrong. You know I'm sure it is wrong to let anyone touch you in your private places, this includes boyfriends.
At your age you are to young to be dating anyone exclusively. Instead you should be doing what I call group dating. Which is when a group of boys and girls of the same age decide to go hang out at the mall, go to the movies or do something as a group of friends.
Everything we do in life has its learning curves. This includes dating. There is a time and place for everything and a method of how you get there. Don't rush things, you can only get hurt by doing so. You have a long life ahead of you; take the time to experience what life has to offer and to learn from those experiences.
Now you really need to tell you parents about what these boys are doing to you and with you. Again you are not doing anything wrong, they are. They are breaking the law something your parents need to know about and handle.
What's a panic attack? I'm not sure if I had one or not... For length of question's sake, I won't share too much details, but something happened while I was at work, and I flipped. First I got really paranoid, and freaked out. I couldn't speak coherently, it was all stutters and my coworkers could hardly understand me. I thought I would calm down and it would go away, but it got way worse. I punched out for my lunch break, went out to my car and immediately FLIPPED. I couldn't breathe, all I could do was scream out, and GAAASP in. I was crying furiously, my heart was pounding like mad, and it felt like someone was squeezing it, my chest hurt terribly. My face got extremely red and tingly. I couldn't stop shaking, my hands were trembling like mad. I was in the back seat, and thought maybe I could calm down with a song or something, so I grabbed my keys and tried to make my way up to the front to put the key in the ignition, but failed, I just keeled over and wheezed. I called my mom after I stopped screaming, was still wheezing and sobbing, and she and my step-dad had to hurry and pick me up, my mom went inside to explain to my boss, and drive me home. While I waited for my mom to come get me, everything scared me and made me jump. A guy behind me honked his horn, which made me jump, then start sobbing again after I had just stopped.
When we got home, I was exauuuuughsted, and my mom had to help me to bed.
The whole experience was terrifying and pretty traumatic. Thinking back on it kinda scares me. When I went to bed, I was scared I wasn't going to wake up. xDD;; Was what happened a panic attack? I had never had one before, so I wouldn't know. xDD!
It does sound like you may have had a severe panic attack. One that may have also lead you down the slippery slope into a depresive episode.
While no two people are effect the same by the same sounding symptoms. The ones you wrote about sound just like the ones that I had just before I admitted I needed help and was diagnosed with clinical depression.
Panic attacks are the result of stress. Stress causes depression. Depression causes, real pain. It is a viciouse circle that needs to be broken if you want to stop the attacks.
Clinical depression while mostly the result of stress is also caused by one of two or both hormones that control mood not being secreted enough. These hormones are secreted into the brain making the best doctor to treat this condition being a Board Certified psychiartist, for medication if needed. A pschologist for talk therapy to finf out what the stressors are and how to deal with them.
You first need to find out if you are indeed suffering from depression. This can be done by your family doctor. The test itself is painless and consists of a list of questions you will be asked. Answer as truthfully as you can. Your doctor will most likely want to do a complete physical at the same time to rule out any organic problem that may be effecting you. Then a referal to a board certified psychiatrist would be in order.
I have been there and I know how scarry it can be. It can happen again if the right stressors are in place. Those stressors can be things you may not even be aware of. They could be a combination of things, such as sounds and smells.
This is not something horrible and you are experiencing it for the first time. I implore you not to be like I was and try to ignore this, it just won't work. Seek treatment now and if medication is required it should be only for a short period of time if you are clinically depressed. Only a doctor can make this call. I'm not a doctor I can only tell you what happened to me and this sounds like what happened to me.
Hi, I work at Tim Hortons and I am a supervisor. My boyfriend works at the same one & he is also a supervisor. There are enough supervisors there to cover the shifts we requested off (tues-thurs) but they are in fact allowed to borrow people from other Tim Hortons. Now. My boyfriend and I requested these days off about a month in advance, giving them plenty of time to find extra people to work. I was told today that my boyfriend and I would probably not be getting those days off. I have non refundable concert tickets and a non refundable hotel room. So my question is -if we don't get those three days off, what can I do? I most certainly am not going to work unless they reimburse me for those things I bought.
I wouldn't lie to get time off as the problem with a lie is you better write it down for sure as heck you will forget it. When you do you will get caught in the lie sometime down the road. Tell them the truth and see what happens.
The fact is you are what is called an at will employee. Meaning you work at the will of your employer. Now if you are a full time employee there are certain labor laws such as vacatime and others that must be followed. If you are a part time employee there is not as many protections for you under the law.
You can be fired at anytime for any reason. Literally for parting your hair on the wrong side of your head. That is the meaning of at will employee. You work at the will of the employer. Lying to them would be a reason for them to terminate your employment and they owe you nothing in return for your labor other than the minimum wage for your job. So demanding reimbursement for you tickets and hotel is futal and could get you terminated. I would not suggest it.
There is a good lesson here. IF you have finished high school and have not gone on to an institute of higher learning. This is what you can look foward too. In positions such as the one you have there is always someone waiting to fill your position so the employer is not conserned about you or your welfare off the job. Go back to school and get a degree or learn a more valuable trade.
So for about 3 months now, my ears have been very dry and very sore. I went to the little clinic and they told me to clean them with peroxide. I tried that, and it didnt work. I tried putting neosporin, and regular alcohol on them and they continue to be sore and whenever I put my earrings in (real gold) they hurt really bad and they get hot and swell up. Sometimes, I can't even get the earrings in my ear at all. I feel like I've tried everything. Does anyone have any suggestions to help?
I agree with Trauma. I know many people who have alergies to metals but none that include Gold. I'm thinking the post on your earings are not pure gold but gold clad if that.
Stop wearing them and seak advicee of an alergist to see if you are alergic to any metals. If you are you may have to have your jewlery made from 18K or better gold or go without.
13/F a couple of days ago I woke up and my vagina was hurting inside a lot. I thought nothing of it and went to the bathroom. It stung when I peed a lot!!! This happened many times before but this time it's even worse!!! I don't know how it happened or how to treat it!! What can I do??
Young lady, you most likely have one of three problems which you do not have to be a female to know about. Any married man, which I fall into that catagory, knows all about these problems.
It is possible you have a yeast infection, bladder infection or urinary track infection. Hopefully at your young age you are not sexually active. If you are you can add to the list the possiblillity of an STD. I don't mean to scare you with the addition of the STD but it needs to be added if you are sexually active, if not then don't worry about it.
The first three infections are perfectly normal and somthing you can expect to experience from time to time of over your life time. They are no different than getting a cold or a sore throat. I say this for you need to see a doctor to be properly trated. Since you are to young to legally make a doctors appointment, see and be treated without parental permission. You are going to have to talk with a parent. Most likely your mom.
While what is bothering you has to do with your reproductive system, IT IS IN NO WAY SEXUAL, other than STDs. So there is no reason to be embarrassed to tell mom or Dad you need to see a doctor and why. Like I said dad has known all about this kind of thing since well before you were born and knows you need to be seen by a gynochologist.
So ask mom or dad to make an appointment for you ASAP. IF you are really uncomfortable you can get immediate treament at any of the walk-in emergency clinics that may be available in your area. Then you follow up with a GYN
I have been dealing with a break up and I want to kill myself. You guys probably think in stupid but over been dating for 6 years and I fell in love hard .. he broke up with me last night I can't deal with it. What's an easy suicide? I'm 20 years old and female.
I know you think your life can't go on with him but you can and you will. The fact of the matter is it was not meant to be. I truly mean that. I'm not a religious person, I believe in God but not in organized religions. I believe if something was meant to be it would happen for us or we will be able to make something happen for ourselves.
Right now what I hear is the shock over the break up talking as it is very real and very fresh. Having happened only hours ago. So I am not even going to give you my standard lecture about suicide and why you really don't want to do it. For in an hour or a day you will feel better and hopefully after reading our replies understand life goes on and so will yours.
There is someone out there just waiting to meet you. He will be the man of your dreams who will sweep you off your feet and make you forget all about this guy, other than maybe a pleaseant high school memory. For that is what it sounds like what he was and is.
There is one thing you can do right now if you wan to speak to someone who can offer you real help, which is what I suggest. The following is the number for the National Suicide Prevention Hot line. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7. These people can and will be able to help you. If you still feel like hurting yourself call 911 and help will be sent to you.
Please trust us when we say this will pass. I for one am old enough to be your grandfather and I have worked withothers in your position. He is just not worth hurting yourself over. If you reaally want to hurt him; show him you can go on and live a full and better life without him.
I had an affair with a male colleague and he broke it off.
I found out recently that he tried to resign from his job to get away from me, but our employer thought he was too valuable to the business.
When he was asked why he wanted to leave, he confessed that he had had an affair with me, and he no longer wanted anything to do with me.
The employer talked with a lawyer, and reduced my hours so that I was never on the premises at the same time as him.
I was obviously less valued that he was.
I didn't realize this at the time, and continued with my reduced hours until an annual appraisal, where I was basically told I was crap at what I did, and I didn't do a whole lot.
I willingly left the job, only to find out just now, that everyone knew what had happened, and that they all hated me, and were making work unbearable for me until I gave in and quit.
You may have an EEOC complaint under the sexual harrasement section of the EEOC laws. You don't have to have been verbally or physically sexually harrassed to be sexually harrassed. It sounds like you were harrassed into leaving because they couldn't fire you for your affair with a coworker who wanted to quit when the affair ended.
You have the choice of contacting a lawyer and discussing your options on bringing an EEOC complaint. Or you can contact your local EEOC office and file a complaint directly with the EEOC. I will warn you that filing a complaint directly with the EEOC does take time to resolve as the have many complaints to handle. Some complaints take years to settle. The difference is that when they investigate your former coworkers are talking to Federal Investigators and not your attorney. Lyeing to a Federal Investigator is in itself a crime.
If you have another job and have time to wait for a settlement I would first speak with the people at the EEOC office to see if they will take the case.
I know you could not be fired for your affair with your coworker if it was not against the rules of the ompany at the time of your employment. So forcing you out was the only alternative other than asking you to leave voluntarilly in an up front manner with some type of servernce package agreed upon. So it is my belief, but I am not a laywer, that you have been wronged.
So I'm in a bit of an unusual situation. I'm 26 years old and am still a virgin. It's not for any moral or religious reasons, it's just that I've always been highly independent as well as very introverted and those two kinda mix to result in me, a fairly attractive woman who has never had sex.
For a while I thought something was up with me like maybe I was gay or something and just didn't wanna be. But lately all I can think about is sex! I feel like a teenage boy or something. The upside to this is that I'm def. not gay! (no offense to gay people). I find myself checking men out more than I ever have before. Maybe I'm just a late bloomer or something? I dunno.
Is this normal???
Short answer; Your perfectly normal.
The fact that you have waited this long to have sex says a lot about who you are as a person. You are not a late blommer. You have principals, you have goals. You do not wish to be another notch on someones bedpost. When you have sex, be it for the first time or the one hundred and first time you want to be loved and respected for what you are sharing with someone.
This is something to be proud of for as I said it reflects well on you & on your values. You are not the type of person to run headstong into something just beause it seems to be the thing to do. At work or at home I believe this is who you are.
Stick with your values, do not go jumping into bed with the next guy that comes along. If you do I believe you will be very dissapointed. Finding the guy who will appreciate what you will be giving him is worth waiting for.
So my boyfriend(more like fiance) is a smoker and has been doing so since he was 19 or so(he's 35) and I wanna get him to quit.
He's not a huge smoker. When he's not sharing he probably goes through a pack every 2-3 days or so but I still want him to stop.
However, he lives with two smokers, and says quitting until he moves out is "not gonna happen".
Is he right to say that? Is that a realistic thing to say or more an excuse?
He says once he moves out he'll work on quitting. I kinda want him to stop now but I wanted your guys honest opinions...
thanks!
I would say give him the benefit of the doubt that he means what he is saying. Trying to quit smoking is tough to so in the first place. It is even tougher to do if you live with people who smoke. Smoking a pack every 2 to 3 days is not that big a deal and should make it easier for him to quit once he is away from his roommates.
Smoking is also like any other vice. You can beg, holler and scream to no avail. Until he is ready to quit on his own it won't happen. My advice is to tell him you will hold him to his word and drop the subject for now. One thing you can ask him to do and he should do if you ask is not to smoke around you if it bothers you that much.
My dads having a baby with his girlfriend who he cheated on my mum with, since then my dad hasn't paid a penny for me he sees me twice a week if I arrange it he promised me hed never get married or have any more kids he's engaged and his girlfriends pregnant she's 43 and its her last chance for a kid she's never had one I get that but he promised me I don't want another brother or sister and he knows how I feel so she's 4 months in and she bleeds we don't know if she's lost it or not yet but he just cancelled on me completely to run to her for these scans it just proves to me how I'm gunna be dropped when the baby gets here and I don't want to sound like a horrible person but if she's lost it then maybe it'll show them both to think about me and my sister before going behind our backs and doing things like that and also how stupid it is she's 43 its not fair but tough she's too old for kids now I know I sound selfish but my dad put me through getting engaged and his gf pregnant behind my back and I just got used to the idea now she might lose it he's selfish and he's a bad dad to us why shud he put another kid through that please give me advice on what to say to my dad?
Lets put somethings in perspective here before we decide just who is being selfish.
Dad cheated on mom. Bad dad
Dad made promises to you he didn't keep. He is getting married again. This is a tricky area as which came first did he get engaged first or did his girlfriend become pregnant first. If she got pregnant then he offered to marry her to give the child a father? Well that is a point for dad.
Then there is the question of was dad really an active participant in this pregnancy other than the mechanical part. In other words did dad girl friend get pregnant on purpose. It happens you know. If you don't know for certain you have to give your dad a pass on this one.
Cancelling on you because he needed to take his girlfriend to the doctor or hospital as she might be loosing her baby? You may not like this but dad scores big on this one as that is the right thing to do. He can always make things up with you. Though if he didn't take his fiance to the doctor he might never get the chance to make things up to her or his future child.
Now for the big one. Dad not paying child support. He looses big time on this one. While in one area he is doing the responsible thing in the other area which is just as big and just as important he is being selfish and not taking his legal responsibilities, to you and any underage siblings you may have, properly. He is legally required to support you, by seeing to your medical, dental, clothing and food needs until you reach the age of 18.
This is something mom should have a court order to the effect of. If she does not she needs to get one. If she cannot afford a lawyer she can get legal assistance for one. IF she has a court order she needs to contact social services to have it enforced.
As to dad not living up to his obligations to you and any under age siblings you have. This is something mom must address. Dad is not being fair to you I agree. Unfortunately life is not always fair. Though nothing says that when and if the new baby comes along he will be a bad father to it or that you will take a back seat to the new baby.
His new wife to be may make a big difference in how he parents in the future. Right now you are full of anger at him and her for something you cannot change. whatever happened while it effected you was really between dad and mom.
My advice is to say nothing to dad, at least for now. Try and lose the anger you have towards dad and his future wife. Be a protector for your step sibling and watch out for it. If you see dad doing to it what was done to you, then you can step in and say something to him or your step mother.
Right now your anger towards him is blinding you from seeing what you can and cannot do. What is and what isn't. Deal with your anger issues first. Then observe what is really going on before you take any action.
What needs to be done today is to encourage mom to take the action she needs to take to have dad comply with any court order support or to get a court order for support for you and any underage siblings you have.
15/f i have had my period since i was 11 years old never had any problems, my periods have always been irregular nothings changed, im not sexually active at all. but i noticed a few monthes ago that my daily everyday discharge was the same clear color clear, or sometimes white but it got really thick, almost like cottage-cheesy. and i had to start wearing pantyliners which i never had to like evryday, becasue it was and is so thick and wet it makes my underwears wet. and my older sister has had a yeast infection before and she said it could be one. but i am very hygneic and alwasy wash myslef donw there. but she said that sometimes, wheter hygenic or not you culd forget to make sure its totally dry after the shower or in a pool/beach and then bacteria could go in it for an infection. so i considered that becasue maybe one time that couldve happened i dont know my memorys shot. i have kinda bad itching but not uncontrollbally becasue my mom has had one too and she said that its like unbearable. its smells a little but it doesnt seem REALLY bad but its the heavy discharge that is really annoying. so i took the at home vagisil test i took two of them, one after the other and i got the lowest pH level, which i think was 4.5 which is normal, but then it said do you have itching, burning, or heavy discharge? if you answer yes to one of these you could have a yeast infection or something. and obvioulsy i have heavy white discharge so i dont know what to do. also i dont have health insurance as of now so i cant really go to the gyno so should i just get that Monistat thing? will it help the heavy discharge? thankyou and this has been happening for about a couple months maybe longer
I am not a women though I am married to one and familiar with yeast infections; when my wife gets them.
It sounds as if you have one. If you want you can try an over the counter product available at any drug store. I would suggest speaking with the pharmacist to see which of the many that are available is best for someone your age.
Given that you have let this go for as long as you have I would suggest that you call your gynecologist and make an appointment. Ask for a first available and tell them why.
Yeast infections are relatively common and is why there are so many over the counter remedies. By waiting as long as you have to address this you could have allowed the infection to invade other parts of your reproductive system or your urinary tract. This is why you should see your GYN.
In the future problems like this are not sexual they are normal bodily problems such as colds and the flu. Something you would go to mom for help with. Mom is you best source of information when something like this occurs and you should not be afraid or embarrassed to seek her help. Especially since you know you are not sexually active and sex cannot be the cause.
So call the doctor, you are by law old enough to do this for yourself now, and get this taken care of before you do irreparable harm to yourself.
what state do u live in because im 14 and need a job to suport my family
i rate 5
Federal Child Labor laws prohibit anyone under the age of 16 from having a real job. Then they can only work a certain number of hours a day, between the time school ends for the day and (generally) between 10pm and midnight. This depends on the day of the week and the type of job. You are also limited in the number of hours a week you can work while school is open.
This is all done to make sure you stay in school and a employer does not take advantage of you. The law also restricts the type of work you can do. In general you are restricted to service type jobs such as fast food restaurants and such.
Congress is revisiting this law at this time to tighten the restrictions to ensure that people your age and the 16 year old remain in school and concentrate on school work and not be out working to support themselves or their families.
If Congress does change the law they will do so not to be mean but to ensure you and others like you get every opportunity to get the education you need to make a place for yourself in this world as an adult.
IF you and your family need financial help there may be programs available to you and them. Write us back and tell us what you know of the family's financial problems and hopefully one of us will be able to give you suggestions as to what agency can help you. Include the state you live in as this would be helpful as well.
My boyfriend and I have had sex more than once but I never orgasm what should I do to orgasm so he will feel like he's good and I will feel better after having sex. 14/f
You are probably going to disagree with what I am going to say but read on anyway. For I will give you some information I shouldn't. On the basis of the horse has left the barn there is no reason to lock the barn door.
Ever hear the expression that our bodies are finely tuned instruments. Well they are and they react differently than someone else's and to different situations.
For a women to enjoy sex she needs to feel not just a loving relationship she needs to feel truly loved. She needs to feel safe and secure while having sex and she needs to be comfortable. This means she needs to feel they won't be walked in on by parents or observed by others while having sex. Take any of this away or fail to supply any of the above and it becomes a mechanical act to satisfy the man.
On the other hand give a guy a board with a knot hole in it and he can get off. He needs little to no stimulation's to get relief from pent up sexual tension. If all else fails his fist will do.
Here is the part you won't like. You are 14 years old. You are having illicit adult sexual relations knowing that if your parents find out you will be grounded for life. At least until you are old enough to leave home. You are also the one that gets pregnant if your birth control fails. Knowing this even in the back of your mind effects the safety and security I spoke of. You end up whether you will admit it or not to stressed to orgasm.
You can prove this to yourself by masturbating. Go into your room, lock the door, put on some music and make love to yourself. IF you reach orgasm in this manner I will have proved my point. The difference being you are safe, secure, you cannot get pregnant. This allows you to relax and enjoy what you are doing. By the way there is nothing wrong with masturbation. It is a safe and secure way to relieve sexual tension.
Now I could lecture you on the fact that you are too young to be having sex. I don't think it would do any good since you have already started having sex. What I will say is you should sit down and think about what you are doing. If you are having sex just to keep your boyfriend and to make him happy you are having sex for the wrong reasons.
Boys, especially teenagers confuse lust and love. They believe that sex is love. IF you do not have sex with them then you do not love them. Sex is not love. Sex is the culmination of a loving relationship not the beginning.
If you want to prove this to yourself. Tell your boyfriend your not going to have sex anymore. Tell him the danger of becoming a mother at your age is just to much for you to handle right now. IF he says something to the effect; if you won't have sex with him he will find someone that will or he stops calling you. Then you will know it was lust and not love he had for you. A lesson learned for your next boyfriend.