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26 year old virgin: I think about sex all the time, is this normal?
So I'm in a bit of an unusual situation. I'm 26 years old and am still a virgin. It's not for any moral or religious reasons, it's just that I've always been highly independent as well as very introverted and those two kinda mix to result in me, a fairly attractive woman who has never had sex.
For a while I thought something was up with me like maybe I was gay or something and just didn't wanna be. But lately all I can think about is sex! I feel like a teenage boy or something. The upside to this is that I'm def. not gay! (no offense to gay people). I find myself checking men out more than I ever have before. Maybe I'm just a late bloomer or something? I dunno.
Is this normal???
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You are indeed a normal 26-year-old woman. When it comes to sex there does seem to be pressure among peers perhaps, culture, and media and this bogus notion you must do it by age 18 or X,Y,Z age or you aren't normal or less male or female than those who have. It's all B.S.
Like I tell everyone on here it's not a competition or race and that sex should ideally come only when ready for it and that can come at any age. If you're 26 or even older that's okay. It will happen when you find the right guy and circumstance.
You're in good shape because when it happens you will be prepared for it to and will be with a guy who you know genuinely loves you and it won't matter to him. In fact, he may feel honored that you waited and decided he was the one.
I'm an introvert to the exponent infinity myself so I understand where you are coming from. I was 24 when I had it (I'm male) and though I don't regret having been active I do regret it wasn't with the right person (an acquaintance of a friend) and rushed in due to the whole thing about age and wanting to know what the fuss was about.
I found through that experience that it's not about age or any of that nonsense but about the right person, situation and then it will be a lot more meaningful. For me, it wasn't and I vowed not to have sex again until finding the absolutely right long-term person.
Definitely, don't get with someone you know or don't too well in the heat of the moment or otherwise just to reach a milestone (and I know you aren't like that but others reading this may be).
I think what you can do and should in the meantime is get out of your shell and talking and meeting men in a safe environment try drama courses, toast-masters, any kind of group activity and start talking with people like you would any other person and be open to them getting to know you.
Try to find a place where you are able to be a leader and a doer so that people have to work with you. You can find a partner through this (boyfriend).
Also, if there are suitable men in your life now that perhaps you never thought of as boyfriend material take a second look. Take the time now to work on your confidence with people and guys in general.
Reason being is if people think you are quiet and don't talk they won't look your way and or wonder "what's up with her?" I'm not saying be someone you aren't but definitely find ways to act assertive and boost your confidence and get noticed.
As far as being horny goes it's fine and it's normal. It's not just teenagers who have these feelings adults can and do. It's normal to find members of the opposite sex attractive too. It would seem though that you have a high sex drive and thoughts just racing through your head of sex.
Nothing wrong or dirty about that. I've read sex educators over the years that state some people find masturbation regularly can decrease this constant and intense sexual feelings.
Another thing about first-time sex is that it's often not an enjoyable thing or disappointment for a lot of people male and female both but over time as you learn and find the right person it can become great.
The fact you have had to wait and will find the right person means you will likely have the desired first experience you yearn for. It'll happen in time and I know that's hard to hear but it's true. Age means absolutely nothing being ready and right guy does.
If you need any more advice feel free to visit my column.
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Short answer; Your perfectly normal.
The fact that you have waited this long to have sex says a lot about who you are as a person. You are not a late blommer. You have principals, you have goals. You do not wish to be another notch on someones bedpost. When you have sex, be it for the first time or the one hundred and first time you want to be loved and respected for what you are sharing with someone.
This is something to be proud of for as I said it reflects well on you & on your values. You are not the type of person to run headstong into something just beause it seems to be the thing to do. At work or at home I believe this is who you are.
Stick with your values, do not go jumping into bed with the next guy that comes along. If you do I believe you will be very dissapointed. Finding the guy who will appreciate what you will be giving him is worth waiting for.
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Quite normal. At puberty about a million years of genetic programming will make a girls body and mind pretty well scream out 'Hey! I'm in breeding-condition now. I wanna go out and breed!' Hence all the advisors on this site trying to answer the 'I am 13 and I need sex....' questions, and tactfully trying to tell them to wait a bit...we're not cavemen any more! This drive can force itself to the front of our attention at any time in our lives and there's not a lot we can do about it. If you've been very selective so far, I'd imagine you won't be driven to jump under the nearest bloke now you're an adult with a fully developed character so don't worry. If you're in any doubt as to the power of evolutionary wiring look out one Prof. Richard Dawkins. 'The Selfish Gene' in particular. An incredible work by a lifelong 'hero' of mine.
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Completely normal.
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