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humorist-workshop
School, College, Family, and my brain. School is like blackmail now!
M/17.
I'm a senior in HS. I've been getting really confused and annoyed lately. I'm starting to really hate school. It's becoming somewhat of a blackmail already. I'm tired of being forced to do all this work that I really don't want to do, and I'm tired of everybody thinking they know everything. And everyone's advice contradicts. EVERYONE is bugging me about college, except for my parents(ironic) The last 2 days, I've even had substitute teachers giving me suggestions and advice about college/applying. About a million lectures about it. My friends say I'm slacking and I it seems like everyone is done with their essays and stuff. I have barely started a list. I hate how everything I want to do is wrong or stupid. I want to go to college. But it seems like whatever my choice is, it will be stupid and wrong because everyone knows everything and can predict the future. If I don't go, I'm a "failure" and I'll "never make money", if I do go, my college "isn't good enough" or "I'll never get a job unless the college is a prestigious one" One person will suggest something, then another will say it's complete bull. On top of all this, I'm trying to recover from a porn and video game addiction that went on for years. This is my longest run without them. Sometimes I feel great and then I'll just have a major mood swing. And now I have family talking to me as if not dong the college stuff quick enough is a disgusting felony. This senior year is also by far the worst year so far, and I don't mean academically (yet)It's been so dry and bland and no fun, and a lot of people I met freshman year have turned into d-bags. Some friends disappeared, some changed, some girls that were nice and friendly are now arrogant and conceited. I want to d well academically, I want to get into a 4 year college, but I also want to just do what I feel like doing for once, I never have time for what I want to do because of school. And then of course people will say that I don't appreciate things and say stuff about how some people can't go to school. School IS like blackmail, if you don't do what they tell you to do, they ruin your reputation, with stupid numbers that don't prove anything about me. I was always told that school is a place for learning, so why is it that one can learn what is taught and pass a test which proves it, but be called a stupid failure according to their "numerical image"? Oh yeah, I learned x, y, and z, but this report card defines me as a horrible person who didn't. And horrible grades is a felony. get out of my face already.
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Hi. Thought just a little observation might throw some light. Compared to the duration of your life the further education years are few. In a way I still don't understand a year of school/college/university seemed long. As you get older they somehow fly past. You won't really believe it, I didn't but you'll find its true. Might be an idea to just think 'bite the bullet' and get on with it. If its a consolation I found university lecturers treat you much more like an adult. There's no doubt loads of stuff you want to do, but trust me. You can do most of it and still be a decent student. And what you don't do will keep. You'll spend a huge percentage of your waking adult life at work of some kind. Better to make it something you like with a bit of graft now. Luck is a fickle bedfellow, so best not rely on that to carry you through.
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First of all forget about what your friends say as they are know nothings both literally and figuratively. At best they are bragging about the schools their parents can afford to send them too. At worst they are spiteful that they do not have the opportunities that they see you may have in front of you.
Next, these kids you are friends with today will probably not be friends much longer as you will all go your separate ways as you go off to college and or the military. For those who do neither you may find that you will out grow them as you go off to college and leave them behind to find jobs. One or two of your close friends may stay your friends but it is doubtful.
As for the advice other adults are giving you. I'm sure it is well intentioned which you should listen to respectfully as they are adults then let it drift out the other ear and forget about unless they say something you wish to check out.
You sound stressed out. Stress itself can cause a lot of problems. The last two years of high school is a very stressfully time for any teenager. Then there is the porn addiction you speak of. By the way I don't think there is any thing wrong with pornography as long as it does not make for an all encompassing activity. You say you have good grades so I would have to believe you did not let your so called addiction interfere with your school work. Have you ever sought the help of a therapist about this?
As I said stress causes a lot of problems, one of which is depression. What we parents once thought was a phase our kids went through we now know may be a form of depression that is easily treatable through talk therapy.
Talking to a therapist allows you to de-stress knowing that everything you say stays with the therapist. No one not even your parents can know what is talked about in therapy. Not even a court order can compel a therapist, who is a doctor or social worker, to say what you and they speak about. You can talk about your deepest and darkest secrets knowing they are held in the deepest confidence.
Just like you did here you can say what you please and no your therapist will chastise you in anyway. Your therapist is there to support and help you find solutions.
I recommend you see your family doctor and ask to be screened for mild depression. Even if your doctor finds you are not depressed I would suggest you ask for a referral to a talk therapist. To help with the stress you are carrying.
I would bet you felt a little bit better after writing to us. If you did you will feel even better being able to speak with a therapist in a one on one basis.
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The real problem is nobody is asking you what YOU want to do. They have set the standards for you and expect you to meet them. Do you have any set goals for your future? Do you have an idea of what you want to do? Follow your own heart and ignore the other voices unless you ask for their opinion. But do finish highschool. I know it seems insignificant, especially if you feel none of what you are being taught, you will ever use in your life. You'd be surprised though. Just hang in there and take things one day at a time. If your teachers and friends/family continue to pester you about college, tell them that decision is not theirs to make, end of story. If they cannot accept it, you are better off without them. No 17 yr old should be put through so much stress by others concerning his future when HE is the one who has to live with it. Good luck. :)
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