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How do I change negative beliefs when they just keep daily reinforcingd?
how can I have the motivation to do good in college to reach my dream career when can't even make close friends? I haven't had a close friend since elementary school and high school was horrible cause I never hung out with anyone or got invited to anything. so I spent most of my childhood online. but it wasn't by choice, it was because it was the only way I could talk to other people, cause talking to random people is better than nothing. and I also buried myself into music, I feel like certain albums are the closest thing I've ever felt to true friendship. when I look back over my high school years that's the only positive thing. here i am asking a question on Y!A and throughout my life I've asked very tough questions I probably should have asked close friends to random strangers on the internet. just started college and I thought I'd finally be able to form close bonds but I still can't. I don't know whats wrong with me. I'm nice and accepting of everyone. I dont want the depression that took hold of me in high school and caused me to self sabotage myself start again in college. but whats the point of even getting my dream career when it won't get me the friendship and intimacy I want with other people? there's no point. I can't keep lying to myself everyday that everything is ok and being optimistic especially with sites like fb where everyone has pics of all the fun things they do and I never do. i know nobody has a perfect life but it's just ridiculous to be 18 and never have been invited to a party since my freshman year of high school (and not even a crazy party, just a christmas party), never been kissed/asked out, or anything. i see everyone else doing these normal things and i cant even do anything and sometimes it really makes me consider suicide even though I want to make things better. and then when some people now try to talk to me I push them away cause its like now a thing in my mind that I can't be happy and can't have happiness cause whomever I try to be friends with always ignores me at some point so I just start ignoring someone before they can hurt me when they start to show interest. its a horrible cycle. i dont want to live my life like this anymore. i mean its too many times i've written to strangers online while close to tears or actually crying and nothing seems to change and i dont know if i'll allow myself to change or try to be happy when it never ever lasts. I mean this pains me every single day and I always hide it from other people and appear pleasant and nobody can tell that when I say I'm ok I usually feel horrible inside but I don't think they really care about me to really hear the story, even though I've helped countless other people (that I'm not sure were even really my friends) with their problems
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
ur the same as me but wat i have done is just keep concentrating never let anyone let u down u go 4 it.
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You have asked a tough question; one that is going to be tough to answer for someone like me who is not a trained psychologist. What did jump out at me was the part about being fearful of being hurt if you did form a relationship with anyone and how that makes you push people away.
Fear is a real emotion one that can almost and sometimes does paralyze people. The fear of being hurt emotionally or physically is probably one of our biggest fears. This is something you need to speak with someone trained to help you with such as a psychologist. Your college health center most likely has someone on staff who can help you.
As for making friends. Some of the things kids do, both in grade school and in college, we may find ourselves in envy of but they are not really something we can make ourselves do or enjoy. We are therefore are looked at as a wet blanket. It does not mean we have to be friendless. There are a lot of people like this. These people have very distinct ideas as to what they enjoy doing and what things kids do they find childish or possibly something that can be hurtful. As I said that fear of being hurt is very powerful.
What you can do is sit down and make a list of things you like to do. Yes, put pen to paper and list out all the things you find enjoyable. The could be religious things, certain subjects at College, cooking, cake decorating, dining, bowling, archery, hiking you name the activities you like doing. Once you have that list number them in the order of importance to you. Then take the top 5 and look to see if there are any club, groups or activities for these activities that you can take part in. Keep going down the list until you find 3 or 4 activities to check out.
One of the most important part in making friends or building a relationship is not how attractive you are. It is common interests that make for friendships and relationships. The ability to communicate is how we learn about one another. Having a common interest gives you something to talk about which breaks through that awkward barrier that hinders many from forming friendships and relationships.
You are old enough that I can be straight with you. If you can't communicate with someone or have something in common with each other a relationship is bound to fail. Sex will only take a relationship so far at some point you will wake up and have to talk to each other. This is why I am recommending what I am to you. Make friends first. From a friendship a relationship can be built. From a strong relationship sex can evolve if the chemistry is there.
As for the fear of being hurt. It is a natural fear that all of us have. Before you allow it to totally paralyze you seek the help of a good therapist to find ways to control it.
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