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there is this tutor I work with in the tutoring lab in college. She's great and a wonderful person to be around with. She is about 27 and I am 22 and she is engaged, One thing I noticed about her is that she was very touchy feely. , like patting me on the back or shoulder.
My class ended a few months ago but I saw her around campus when I was going to meet up with a friend recently and chatted with her
now I find myself going out of my way to that location just so I can hopefully see her and talk to her again. Last week I went and sat there for about half an hour (I had nothing else to do though so I wasn't skipping anything) I just get this extremely good feeling when talking to her or seeing her.
I recently ran into this girl again. She was in the math lab, I went in and started chatting to her and she seemed happy to see me and happy to chat. I get this extremely good feeling whenever I see her or talk to her. I can't explain it. I think she clearly likes me too.
I can't stand the thought of not being with her I think she is the girl for me. Would it really be wrong if I tried to get her to break up with her fiancee and be with me instead? I have heard of people that have done this and done it successfully so it really wrong? Why can they do it but not me?
also, I need to make it clear because some people purposefully misrepresent. I am not a stranger to this girl! I've worked with her for about two years. I have her email and is friends with her on Facebook
(link)
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I thought in your last questions you were trying to ask us that you weren't interested in trying to break up an engagement?
So you were trying to justify your obsession with going out of the way to hopefully run into her and talk to her, when clearly you wanted to be more than just friends with her.
First of all, she's engaged to be married. If she didn't want to be, she wouldn't have said yes.
When you had previously told her you were interested in her, she backed off. That means she didn't want to give you the wrong idea. So she's not interested in dating you.
If she's touchy feely, it doesn't mean she's interested in you. She might be just that kind of person. You shouldn't read into things.
Patting on the back or shoulders is not touchy feely anyways.
Yes, it would be wrong of you to try to break up her relationship.
Just because other people do it, doesn't make it right. They shouldn't do it.
Like Rahzie said, if you think she likes you, go ask her. If you really think you have a shot with her, go tell her how you feel. At least at that point you'll know how she actually feels and where to go from there.
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I need your help. I have a problem getting across to my boyfriend and it's that point where I feel like a break up is inevitable.
I have always raised the issue about our need to communicate, that being that I don't like that days can go by without us saying a word to each other.It makes the bond disappear,and it makes us miss out on each others lives.Of concern is the fact that it always has to be me initiating things alot of the times.I know they say that I need to find other things to fill up my life but it's so hard to go days without talking to someone you love,especially if previously we had good communication.
I'm feeling like either he is slowly distancing himself from me,or he just doesn't want to be in this relationship all together. Just now I called him and he sounded defensive when I wanted to know what was going on with him.Its as though work is a secret.So that prompted me to ask us to meet up for coffee in which I plan to say what I need to say one last time..and if a break up needs to happen then I am fine with that.Its better that than feeling lonely,when I do the opposite with him.I give and never receive anything in return.
Lina,24 years old. Dating for over a year. (link)
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Relationships need communication. You already know that. If he's not putting in the effort, he's not thinking the relationship is worth the effort for you.
Have a talk with him. No pointing fingers at him, no fighting. Just tell him that you care for him, you want a relationship with him and you just want better communication. If he agrees and works on it, fine. If he doesn't, then a break is probably needed.
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ok so im 15 and im going to a friends house this weekend and my friend invited her bf and my bf.... me and my bf were talking and he wants to have sex this weekend, hes 15 too.... im really scared and dont know what to do ive asked my friends and they just dont know what to say about it... i need advice please help me im freaking out i have so many questions like does it hurt, what if we get caught, what if something goes wrong, what if he breaks up with me the next day. please help me im soooooooo scared! (link)
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You're not ready.
This is how you know you're ready..
You're using protection. Meaning you're using condoms and on birth control. Condoms can fail, so you need to be on birth control. You don't want to get pregnant.
You're confident.
You're doing it with someone you love and care about.
That person loves and cares about you. He won't leave you the next day or even the next week.
I'll answer your questions though.
Does it hurt? For you, it probably will since you're only 15. You're body is still developing, it'll hurt like crazy. It won't be one of those romantic moments for you.
What if you get caught? Well then you're screwed. You shouldn't even be doing it somewhere you'd get caught.
What if something goes wrong? That's why you need birth control and condoms. I'm just assuming you're not on birth control and once you get on it, it takes a month for it to start working. You shouldn't be putting yourself in a situation where you can't handle the consequences.
What if he breaks up with you the next day? You shouldn't even be dating a guy who you can't trust. You shouldn't have sex with someone you don't trust. You can't say you trust him because trust isn't thinking he might possibly leave you after he gets sex.
At 15, sex is a big deal. Besides all the physical consequences like pain, pregnancy and STD's, there's the whole emotional side to it.
You're scared. You should be having sex when you're not scared or nervous. You need to feel confident and comfortable. You're just not ready yet.
If he's a good boyfriend, he'll understand. Tell him you're not ready.
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I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 months. We've been on and off for a while and one time when we were broken up he started dating a girl he knew I hated. They broke up and we got back together then broke up and he left me for her again. We got back together but she doesn't leave him alone. He says he only won out with her and got back with her because she gave him money for his drugs but she claims shr never has. They both are liars about tons of stuff so I don't believe them. Anyway yesterday he said he talked to her. I was beyond pissed because he said he wouldn't but he did. He claims she kept bugging and crying and he felt like a dick for supposeably saying something rude to her. He said that's the only reason why he talked to.her. seems fishy because he shouldn't be talking or caring for her. But she just doesn't stop! I've told her plenty times and my boyfriend claims he has too but she doesn't stop. What can I do? (link)
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You're wasting your time in this relationship. It's been only two months of being with him and you already have this much drama? That's ridiculous.
He's jumping back and forth between the two of you and he hasn't been stern enough with her to let her know he's not interested in her, when he's probably still talking to her.
You said you don't believe either of them. Why are you dating a guy you don't even trust? Trust is one of the biggest things in a relationship and if you don't have it, the relationship just isn't going to work.
You need to break up with him and find a guy who isn't this much drama and find a guy who actually cares about you enough to not keep running back to his ex.
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K so basically been talking to this guy for a few months now and we've hung out a few times. Today he asked me to come over to just cuddle and watch a movie so I said sure. Everything was going well we cuddled and watched a movie and then started making out and that's when things went downhill. While he was making out with me he was touching me in spots I wasn't comfortable with him touching me so I asked if he could please just stop because I wasn't comfortable and he did for a little bit and then the kissing got a little more intense and he started the awkward touching so again I asked him to stop and jokingly said otherwise and he said otherwise what and I said I'll leave that's when he said k bye now he was laughing when he said this but I don't know why I just got up grabbed my stuff,said bye and ran out of his house I really don't know why I did that I knew he was joking but I just left it makes no sense I don't know why I did that I really like him. Anyways not even a second after I left he texted me saying seriously that was really rude what's wrong with you and I didn't know what to say so I said I thought he was serious anyways I really messed up he deleted me off bbm but I did call and apologize and we are talking again but it's like awkward I don't know how to make this better. I really like him and I've had horrible dates before where I've gone through instead of getting up and leaving but today I just left and it made no sense it was almost like I didn't know what I was doing. He thinks I didn't want to be there because of the way I ran out. (link)
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You pretty much just hurt his ego so that's why he's blaming you like it's your fault when he's the one who's wrong.
You did the right thing by walking out. He doesn't care about your feelings. If he did, he wouldn't have tried to keep touching you places that made you uncomfortable. It's disrespectful to keep doing something like that after they tell you no. So honestly, he cares more about touching you than actually having feelings and caring about you.
He should be the one saying sorry, not you.
If one of your friends was talking to you and telling you, "I was over at this boys house that I liked. We started making out and he started touching me in places that made me feel uncomfortable and I told him to stop. He did but then he started doing it again and tried playing it off like he's joking when I said I was going to leave." What would you tell her? You wouldn't be like, "You were wrong for leaving." It's completely obvious he's a jerk who's selfish and is completely disrespectful.
Don't continue talking to this guy. He's using you. You can do better.
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So I have known this guy since we were thirteen. He's 22 and I'm 21 now. We've always had a thing for each other but we were never vocal about it. We spent new years together and ended up having a moment. He tried to kiss me, and as much as I wanted to I couldn't agree because he had a long distance girlfriend. A week later he was talking to my best friend explaining to her how much he liked me and how he wasn't sure if I liked him back and how he had broken up with his long distance girlfriend. So anyway. This past weekend we got together with a ton of friends and decided to go bowling. It was horrible because He and one of my other friends that he had never met before kept starring at each other and giving each other the "eyes". I felt like he was attracted to her and one of my other friends noticed it too. Later on that night when I got home he texted to see if I had made it home okay but I had forgotten to pay for my phone so I couldn't really do much. so later on in the day we ended up talking on the phone and I was teasing him about how he liked her in a playful way and he admitted it. He admitted that he liked her but he felt that there wasn't a chance with her and blah blah blah...I was acting as the supportive friend who wanted to help him out since she was my friend when deep down all I wanted to say was.....I thought you liked me? I've always known that he was a player and stuff but I never pictured him acting this way with one of my friends. And I never expected that it would hurt this much. He doesn't know because I keep acting like I support him and her and that I will help him get her attention...a part of me wants to confront him about everything, but then again I don't want it to seem like he hurt me and that I'm so butt hurt about the situation. I just don't know if I can handle seeing him and my friend together. And she's evil too because she had an idea that I might like him and she was being flirty. Idk what to do.
Please Help! (link)
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So he's probably still interested in you, at least it still sounds like it by texting to see if you made it home okay and then talking on the phone.
He's made it clear that he liked you by trying to kiss you and he was never sure if you liked him.
Why would he wait around? He's right to try to move on from you and now that you're supporting him dating someone else, he's probably thinking that you're not interested in dating him.
But one thing you mentioned that he is a player. You don't want to get involved with guys like that anyways. I mean he tried to kiss you while he was in a relationship, he could very well do it again while he's with you.
So your choices are either step up and tell him how you feel or let it go and move on.
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I went out with my boyfriend for 7 months we broke up before and he left me for his ex he then he begged for me back and ended up leaving me again he use to go to different schools now he goes to mine and I have him in a class I love him so much I fell in love with him I have begged for him but it doesn't work I'm trying to make his gf mad do she can dump him buy she doesn't what can I do he needs to be mine again I live him so much I'm 17 btw (link)
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You can't make someone want to be with you.
He dated you for 7 months, then he left you for his ex, then you got back together, then he left you again. It doesn't sound like he cares about you or your feelings very much. You don't want a guy like that.
I get it, you love him. But it doesn't mean you should be with him. He's not the right guy for you.
There is no point in make him girlfriend mad and her dumping him. I mean even if he did jump back to you, he'll leave you again for someone else.
He chose to be with her, she didn't make him.
You need to let him go and find a guy who will actually stay with you and only you. Someone who treats you better than this guy did.
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There this thing that have been bothering me for the past 5 years. You see, there's this person who I shall name O who was once was my 'friend', I say 'friend' because I'm not sure we were even friends.
Right now I'm in form 5 ( I think its equivalent to second last year of high school in the USA. ) student in Malaysia and this happen during form 1. O and I became friends when we were placed in the same class with someone from the same elementary school as us. She was extremely sarcastic and the only reason she put up with my freshman awkwardness because she hated the other person who is poor and knew about O immigrant background. She was tolerable with me through out the half year of school until sports month came.
Since I was competing an important match and needed moral support, I seek attention from her. The first time I went to her she was OK. The second day she gave me the silent treatment.
I was frustrated by her actions. I mean, why give me the silent treatment when I only seek comfort for only once from her? She didn't even tell me what I did wrongly to her.
What surprises me is that she gave me the Ghost treatment too. She acted that I was not there, she even dared to not pass a handout directly to me opting for putting at my claasmate seat. Heck, she never bother to talk,face, or interact with me during compulsory group work.
At first I though it was just a 13 year old phase and we'all become friends again. But it continued on for 5 years. I talked to her friends about that and they all told me that O has been gossiping and backstabbing me relentlessly, the reason? I was a fat ugly annoying whiny bitch who worth nothing in the world.
I admit I was annoying when I was 13 whatnot with entering puberty with my awkwardness. But I am 17 now, and I become more confident and yet she continues to give me both silent and ghost treatment. She even rolls her eyes and glared at me when I do something that garner the class attention.
I am still fat and ugly to this day but since this year will be our last year as high school students and taking our final examinations, I want to forget the past and renew our friendships. My friends say that I shouldn't start talking to her or even thinking about apologize.
Yet, I think im the at fault after all if it isn't for my whiny annoying personality in the past she wouldn't have do that. I am intimidated by her but I also respect her for being smart.
I heard somewhere that being treated like nobody or a ghost is the most cruelest hatred ever and I am the only person O treated with this kind of treatment.
I really want to reconcile with her, but I know she don't want to. With what her ego, snobbish, manipulative personality can damage me, I really don't know what to do.
Any advice and should I just go and apologize or not? (link)
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I'd just let it go. She's stuck in the past and can hold grudges, you'll meet more people like that in the future.
She was never even a friend. The difference is, you were annoying when you were 13, you grew up and matured, she never did.
So let it go and don't let her get to you. You don't need people like that in your life.
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21/f
My boyfriend and his friends keep talking about going somewhere for spring break. His friend (who I am very close to) said "you can't come unless you bring two girls for me & (the other friend)" I don't know if he was joking or not?! & then my boyfriend made a comment about how he doesn't think he'll have enough money for both of us to go.. & i said of course i'll pay for myself. & he said no (he pays for everything)
I wouldn't care about going somewhere with them on spring break. But, its me and my boyfriends 2 year anniversary like that same week.
don't you think we should spend that time together?
i don't care about him going on vacations with out me.. but it's just the fact it's our anniversary. am i wrong? i feel like this is justified. (link)
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You're not wrong, you have every right to feel that way.
The thing is, it's just pretty much bad timing. In that situation, I'd plan for a day for just the two of you to do something special together after spring break. I don't think celebrating your anniversary on spring break with a bunch of his buddies will be that great.
The whole thing with his friend saying that, it's probably because they think you'll be spending your time hooked on him and he won't be able to hang out and do whatever else with them. Who knows really.
Then with the situation with your boyfriend wanting to pay for everything. He probably feels bad that he can't afford to take you. The problem is, he'd rather not have you go since he can't pay than have you go and you pay yourself.
It's something you two should talk about.
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It's far to early but you know how girls are, we all obsess over nothing. A boy who I'm friends with has asked me to start to hang out. When we see each other on night out we both openly flirt with each other but lately he's made his intentions clear that he wants us to have more than a flirtatious friendship. I want more too but he told me to keep it on the down low and not tell anyone if I come to his house. I'd this because he dosnt want people knowing our business or thinks it's too early to let everyone know were hanging out or is he ashamed of people knowing were more than friends? This guys a real gentle man but he's good looking too and I'm sure he could get any other girl so this could just be an act I don't know? Help! (link)
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I'd straight up ask him why he doesn't want anyone to know you guys are hanging out. Let him know you find it weird and that you prefer not to hide things.
Like it's one thing to keep business between the two of you. But like not let anyone know you guys even hang out is weird and does make it seem like you're not good enough for other people to know about.
Once you get an answer, from there, figure out where you want to go with it. If you think he's using you, then stop seeing him. He doesn't get to call all the shots and doesn't get to run everything, if you're not happy with it, let him know.
When people hide things, it's normally because they are doing something wrong. You're not something wrong, so you don't need to be kept completely hidden. I mean you don't have to spill everyone the latest gossip on what's going on between you two but it doesn't need to be kept hidden either.
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I understand this might not be your favorite category, and if it just seems weird you can ignore it and move on to the next one. Honestly, I never would have pictured myself asking this anyway.
I asked a similar question to the general public here at Advicenators, and all I really got was sort of a half-answer from an older gentleman.
Anyway - sorry for rambling - for the first time ever, I think I'd like to change things up a bit. I'm asking you because you're a thoughtful female who's my age, and I figured your opinion would be a bit more valid than his.
I've always just worn whatever is comfortable(jeans, tees, hoodies, etc.), bought what was cheap, and never really thought much of it. But lately, I've been noticing that how you present yourself in life has a big impact on how people treat you, and in turn, what opportunities you get. I've also been changing as a person a lot lately. So why not just go ahead and reinvent myself all at once?
I'd like to change my style a little bit. I'm not looking to tranform myself into some punk with his pants halfway down, and I don't want to get extremely preppy either(suits, sweater-vests and cardigans).
So I guess my question to you is this: On a guy your age who's 5'10"ish, about 125lbs with a slim/athletic build, and medium-length brown, curly hair, what do you think would look good, semi-attractive, and just professional enough to not get me laughed out of interviews at engineering schools?
If you choose to answer this question, it would be very much appreciated. Thanks :) (link)
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It's a little difficult to answer this since I'm not an expert on guys clothing. But if I could see the clothes, I'd be able to tell you yes or no.
So what I think you need to go for is looking like an adult and not a teenager. Most teenage guys will stick with jeans and a T shirt. Nothing wrong with it, but for interviews and all that, you want to look more professional and adult like.
Besides the typical polo shirt, maybe try out jeans with a button up dress shirt. You don't need to wear a suit or anything, but nice dark jeans that don't look cheap or faded. You could even try a blazer jacket if it's something more professional. Khaki pants are more professional than jeans too.
In my opinion, all those look good and professional but not too business looking and I'm guessing that's the direction you're going for.
I think even better advice would be to go to stores that are popular and look in the guys section on the mannequins, try it and if you like it, get it or get something with the similar idea. If you feel like you look like a smart, professional adult that's still young, then get it. If you feel like you look too under dressed or you look like you're a teenager, then pass.
Hope this helped a bit.
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Just can't believe you . I can't believe a young teacher would see a bunch of teenage boys shirtless and not check out any of them, especially a gym teacher to see their physiques (link)
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I'm 19 and I'm not checking out 14/15 year old boys at the beach. I even have 25 year old's who don't check out teenage boys at the beach.
It's one thing to acknowledge that someone is attractive, but checking them out is a different story.
Most women teachers aren't attracted to their teenage students, believe it or not.
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We are in a long distance relationship. We met when he was visiting my city 5 months ago.
I was extremely drunk last night at a bar with some friends. We were all dancing and the entire evening I made sure that no guys would try to grind up on me, etc. I got more and more intoxicated as the night went on, and towards the end of the night, some dude grabbed me to dance with me and I didn't resist. We made out briefly, pulling away maybe two or three times, before my friends found me.
I was extremely torn up. I began to sob immediately after I realized what I'd done and I told my boyfriend the next morning. He was upset but said that he forgives me; however, he doesn't know if we will be able to get through the inevitable trust issues that will arise from this.
I've never been in such a situation before. I guess I just need some wisdom. What do I do?
Thank you :) (link)
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You already came clean about it, there's not much else you can do. You can't go back in time or anything.
The best thing you can do at this point is try to gain back his trust. If he loves you, he'll know that you knew it was a mistake and it was because you were drinking too much. So right now, you just need to be a good and faithful girlfriend.
If he can't handle it, you're just going to have to accept it.
From now on, I'd start learning when to stop drinking because you don't want to have another situation like this happen again.
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My best friend recently started dating a guy she really likes. Well let's just call my friend Lucy and the guy Jim. Okay anyways, Jim is a jerk. Sometimes, out of nowhere, he will text me and start offending me for no reason. I blocked him, but still he is really annoying and a jerk. He really makes her happy, but I just can't stand him at all. What should I do? I've told her the things he's said to me but all she says is "Ohhh". (link)
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Well you can't really make her choices. The best thing to do would be to ignore him. I mean you talked to her and she's still planning on being with him so he's going to be around.
Blocking him was good. If he bothers you in person, just try to leave the situation or if you have to stay there, don't react to him. Unless he's stalking you, threatening you or harassing you, then you can't really do much to get him in trouble and make him stop. He just sounds extremely immature.
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is it bad that I'm horny 24/7 like its hard as fuck being a virgin man.. should i save tip college or when i get married or if i lost my v card in high school would it be wrong/trashy (link)
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I wouldn't say it would make you wrong or trashy.
But it would be smart to wait until you are in a serious relationship. Most girls in high school aren't on birth control so even if you use condoms, you could end up getting her pregnant.
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Do you think my gym teacher enjoys looking at the male students in her class?
In 10th grade I am doing gym class and the teacher is this young lady (younger than 30) and she is pretty good looking. We are doing the swim unit and all the boys in the class of course are just in their swimming shorts. I wonder if the female gym teacher is enjoying looking at all the shirtless boys in the water?
Even just to see how fit everyone really is? (link)
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Most likely not. She's a teacher, she could care less about teenage boys.
Like adviceman says, the most would be that she likes seeing the kids results of being in swim class but not fantasizing or checking you out in any way.
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Here's my situation.
'Danny' was my close friend I made during this school year. He's funny, good-looking, charming, and one who you could rely on. I had him as my schoolmate when I was in 1st Year and 2nd year but we weren't really close then. It was 3rd Year when he became my classmate and friend. Now here's the deal.
One day, my English teacher returned my "I am Number Four" book she borrowed, and eventually, Danny found it interesting and asked if he could borrow that book, too. Of course, I said yes, not wanting to selfishly deny his request. (But before he borrowed the book, we were already friends.)
After he read and finished the book, I gave it to him and gave him it's sequel, until I gave him the latest book, 'The Fall of Five.'
He wasn't finished with the last book when our school's 'Acquaintance Ball' squeezed through our schedule. After the Ball was our Christmas break, which was two weeks. During the Ball, everything was fine, everything was the way it was supposed to go. But everything cracked and shattered when we came back from the Christmas Break.
The few days were OK, but our time together shortened, little by little. He would only talked to me if he needed something. I knew he was finished with the book, and it was just everything we talked about. I never thought it could come to the point where that book would be the cause of all this. And also a girl.
He would also mention a girl, Isabel, maybe from his neighborhood, being the girl he likes. He would talk all about her with my best friend, 'Lydia', who supports him. Me, of course, being the nerdy friend, started to develop feelings for him, which I told nobody. And, obviously, my feelings all started because of that book. While trying to get over him, already accepting the fact that he doesn't like me the way he likes her, I just fell harder for him.
I just want the pain to stop. I don't care if he doesn't love me or whatsoever, I just want our daily conversations to come back. I want him to talk to me, nothing more than a long, regular conversation that would make up most of my day. He now treats me like an old friend like years have already passed, and I don't want our relationship to stay like that as my family and I are going to immigrate to Canada this April. (He knows about the Canada thing.)
Now, how do I revive our friendship and conversation like the times we had, the memorable ones, (Like a time when you both watched the same movie and talked about that for, let's say, an hour) without romantic confessions involved? I would want our relationship like to a brother-sister thing, without being the one at loss.
To be brief: How do I revive our 'talking time'?
(link)
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I agree with Dragonflymagic. All you guys talk about is this book, it seems to be the only interest that could hope to keep you both talking. People who don't have a lot in common, aren't going to be talking all the time. I mean you'll have general conversations about life, but the rest of your interests just might not be the same.
Even if you guys do have other things in common, it's not going to make anything better for you. You said you want the pain to stop, but if you continue trying and hoping to talk to him, it's not going to stop it. If you do try to revive your regular conversations, you'll just fall harder and prolong the pain. That's not a smart move.
I think you need to do what's best for you and move on. You miss him, that's fine. You still like him and that's why you want it to be a brother-sister thing, but it won't be because you have feelings for him. So the best thing to do is clear your head and find a way to move on.
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Where do I begin..
When I was 16 I started dating Levi. I was a high school drop out, he was a 4.0 student. We fell in love, hard. I was head over heels for this kid. Things were pretty good, aside from his cliche over protective and hateful Mother. (Ah the classic evil mother in law situation). And the only real complaints I had about Levi was that he wasn't super cuddly or emotional with me, whereas I'm a very cuddly, almost clingy type. lol. And that he had an interest in experimenting with drugs in college(weed, molly, alcohol). I didn't like the idea at all, but he was more adventurous than I.
When Levi and I turned 18, he was applying to Universities around the state. He ended up getting into one that was about 6 hours away. This sparked some thought on his part as to whether continuing our relationship would be best. At the time I felt that a long distance relationship would be worth it to me, I was very in love. Long story short, he thought it would be best to break it off. So he did, and let me just say it was the worst time of my life. I have never experienced heart break like I did at that point. Levi then moved 6 hours away.
This next part, I'm not too proud of. Within 2-3 weeks of this break up, I fell for someone else; a definite rebound. This new guy, David, was not my type, he just showed up when I was heart broken and in need of a hug. He was 7 years older than me, and was very charming. I was hooked pretty quickly, only to find that he was emotionally, physically and sexually abusive.
About 3 months after meeting him, David decided he wanted to run back to an ex and see if there was anything left between them. At this same time he and I were on a 'break', Levi and I began talking and he explained to me that breaking up with me was a huge mistake; he wanted me back. He wanted that long distance relationship with me. But I was stuck. David already had me in his claws and I was battered, he had isolated me from my family and friends and he had made me believe that he was the best I would ever have. I can't explain why at the time I couldn't just leave him. I still wish I could go back in time and shake myself for that one. Anyway, David and I were on a break, and while he was out hanging out with his ex, Levi was in town for Christmas, visiting his family. Long story short, we hung out, and ended up having sex. I was very conflicted at this point and ended up shutting Levi out and going back to David.
3 years later....
David still had me under his thumb, but I was extremely tired of being pushed around, hit, yelled at, and made to feel inadequate. I left him in december of 2011. It wasn't easy, but I did it. David was of course devastated and he began stalking me (at one point finding out I was dating around, breaking into my house with a baseball bat, shattering windows, kicking down doors, etc.). He was arrested 3 times in the 3.5 years I was with him, mostly for domestic violence.
After I left him, I felt so free. During those 3 years, Levi and I still occasionally talked through text, phone or skype. Usually a catch-up type conversation. We always remained friends with a soft spot for one another.
Levi was still away at college, I was 22 by this point. In November of 2012 I met Chester (yes that's his real name, lol.) Sparks flew, he was perfect, we fell for each other very quickly. I thought I had found 'the one'. Then at that tell-tale point in the relationship (roughly 6 months in) Chester started sort of backing off, not trying as hard, etc. He had kind of put on a facade and acted the way he thought I wanted him to. Then once I was hooked and in love, he stopped being as sweet. Chester lives about 45 minutes away from me, and he drives to see me on the weekends. We're both in college, but we go to different colleges. Now I am 23 years old, in a relationship with Chester, and not super happy. We've been together 1 year and 2 months. Chester is hoping to get a job once he graduates in June, and wherever that job is, he is going to move and he hopes I'll move with him. The problem is that I'm an emotional, needy person and I would hate to move away from my family and friends and my hometown for someone that I'm not sure will be sweet enough, supportive enough, or compassionate enough to take care of my feelings, especially if I move with him and he's the only person I have.
SO!
Here comes the predicament..
Levi graduated college and moved back home. He and I caught up and we have yet to kick those residual feelings for one another. He told me that all these years, he couldn't date anyone else, and every time he heard I was with someone else it made his stomach churn. He was been in love with me since we were 16 and that hasn't changed. He said it hurts less and less over the years (5 and a half years since we broke up) but the pain never went away, and he went through some pretty deep depression because he felt he had made a huge mistake.
I on the other hand have dated other people which helped cover the feelings I had for Levi. I tried to get over him by connecting with other people. It worked for the most part, but I've been conflicted still and always left with a 'what if' feeling.
So comes the question of whether security is worth it... I am in love with Chester, though our relationship is missing his emotional support and affection. He makes me feel secure, I know if I lost the roof over my head he would be there, if I needed emergency money, he would be there to help. Hell, I'm driving his car or truck at any given point because he stored my car because it is unreliable and he wanted me to be able to get around reliably.
I feel like Chester could provide for me financially, if I stick with him I won't have to worry about money or being homeless. But often times I feel sort of lonely with him.
Then there's Levi, who is staying with his grandparents until he can find a job. He doesn't have a car and doesn't have an income. There's no security there. But I feel myself drawn to him romantically. I'm the type of woman who wants to marry, have a kid, adopt a kid, and be a house wife/mother. Security is huge for me, yet so is love. So I guess my question is... What would you do? This seems to be a timeless predicament, doesn't it?
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It doesn't sound like any of these guys are the right guy for you. You said you are missing Chester's emotional support and affection, but you also said Levi wasn't super cuddly or emotional with you. I just think you're picking the wrong guys.
This choice is ultimately up to you. So you ask what would I do? I would back out of the current relationship and stop talking to Levi and take time for myself to figure out who I really want to be with, if either of them.
If you really are in love with Chester, then you should probably talk to him about how you're feeling. Don't point fingers at him or anything, but just let him know how you feel. I think there is lack of communication in this relationship so if you want it to work, you might want to work on that.
But I'd just take some time off to figure out what you need and want and put it in order.
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I miss my ex. I honesty don't even consider him to my ex because we dated half a day, not even. But we talked for like 4 weeks before.
Okay so me and this boy talked. Our friends hooked us up. He actually started liking me first, so I figured, why not get to know him? And I never told my family members we were talking or that we even 'dated'. Well I actually really started liking him. We started to meet up and he would walk me to my bus and we would hold hands and hug. And the day we 'dated' was the first day we ever hung out. And we kissed. I thought I wasn't ready.. And broke up with him right after I got home over text messaging. I felt like such a jerk. But I'm pretty sure he took it hard because he kept posting on twitter how he missed me.
A couple months go by, and its summer. Well I wanted to talk to him again.. So I snapchatted him. And we did start talkin again. But that time, he ended us. Idk if he was talking to another chick or what but I was tired of this. So I just kinda quit bothering him. Now we're back in school and we sit at the same lunch table. Well at the beginning of the year, he wouldn't even look at me. But lately, he has been looking at me and smiling and what not. O yeah I forgot to mention; he has a current girlfriend. Which could explain the happiness. I've been tweeting about him too, hoping that he's been reading them.
Idk I just kinda feel like he was everything I looking for even when I wasn't looking. Ya know? I can honestly see me spending the rest of my life with him. That's why I'm asking what to do about it. I can be myself around him and does the same. I want him back. But the fear of rejection kicks in. Help please (link)
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Well I'd tell you to tell him how you feel, but since he's in a relationship, I'd advise against that. You don't want to ruin a happy relationship.
So for the time being, I'm going to tell you to do your best to move on. It'll probably be really difficult since you see him often but it's the best thing to do for the both of you. Keep your distance, don't tweet about him, don't contact him.
If the relationship between he and his girlfriend don't work out, go ahead and pursue him, but don't do it while he's in a relationship, it's just disrespectful.
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hello, i have been with my girlfriend since 19.nov.2009. at jan 2nd this year she left me, said it was about loosing/lost feelings. we lived together 4 years. 3 at my moms place. last 1 year and 4 months i bought apartment. she has done some bad things, but i always let it go...
what do i do now ? (link)
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Well you pick yourself up and you move on.
You'll meet people who were married for 20+ years and some just lose feelings. What the other spouse has to do is pick themselves up and find a way to move on.
Give yourself time to heal. Enjoy the memories and accept that it's now over. It will take time, it won't be easy but that's the only choice you have.
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