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COMMUNICATION: I have a problem getting across to my boyfriend
I need your help. I have a problem getting across to my boyfriend and it's that point where I feel like a break up is inevitable.
I have always raised the issue about our need to communicate, that being that I don't like that days can go by without us saying a word to each other.It makes the bond disappear,and it makes us miss out on each others lives.Of concern is the fact that it always has to be me initiating things alot of the times.I know they say that I need to find other things to fill up my life but it's so hard to go days without talking to someone you love,especially if previously we had good communication.
I'm feeling like either he is slowly distancing himself from me,or he just doesn't want to be in this relationship all together. Just now I called him and he sounded defensive when I wanted to know what was going on with him.Its as though work is a secret.So that prompted me to ask us to meet up for coffee in which I plan to say what I need to say one last time..and if a break up needs to happen then I am fine with that.Its better that than feeling lonely,when I do the opposite with him.I give and never receive anything in return.
Lina,24 years old. Dating for over a year.
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Light of truth is right.
I can only think of one more possibility. Something caused him to withdraw and lose interest in you. Just in case it is something you are doing that you think is normal but guys find abnormal, it would be a positive thing to be aware of and work on it so it can't affect future relationships.
Since you say you used to have good communication, I wonder how often you communicated back then. I am not saying you are doing this but his reaction when you say you called just now, reminded me of something I read in a relationship experts site. It said that some women contact their boyfriend too often, always wanting to know what they are doing, asking why it took so long to answer a call or text, if he calls 3 times a day and it drops to one, she leaves tons of texts demanding to know what he is up to and why he didn't respond. Yes, there are women like that, and while you may not be totally doing that, there may be something you are doing to a lesser extent that rubs a guy the wrong way and these kinds of behavior in a woman can kill any interest a man once had in her initially.
Guys usually have many prioritys in life while girls tend to make the guy their only priority. If a girl is in his top 3 priorities, thats good but it means she has to share time with work, school, or his family or whatever else. Perhaps he does not like receiving calls at work, knocking his concentration off whats he's trying to accomplish...not that it is secretive.
So unless he is willing to tell you truly what exactly is bugging him so you could know if you had some part in creating it or not, you won't know. For the future, you need a guy who is willing to share with you anything in a constructive manner...not pointing fingers and blaming. He should be open to the same from you. Whenever I have dated, I gave the man permission to give me constructive input, I assured them I was confident enough in myself to not freak out or get emotional by their sharing any concerns. I want to be the best partner I can be, so during the learning process of really getting to know each other, I would appreciate their input. Its as simple as that but both have to be willing to have that attitude. If the guy won't, the relationship will fail.
Good luck dear.
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Relationships need communication. You already know that. If he's not putting in the effort, he's not thinking the relationship is worth the effort for you.
Have a talk with him. No pointing fingers at him, no fighting. Just tell him that you care for him, you want a relationship with him and you just want better communication. If he agrees and works on it, fine. If he doesn't, then a break is probably needed.
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A relationship takes two to work, Communication is one of the golden keys.
Without communication, You have nothing. You're feelings are legit, This relationship isn't 50/50 and sounds like he may be drifting slowly but surely. A good partnership is when two people can talk openly and honestly with one another. While bringing it up and his acts of becoming defensive, Obviously he must know there is an issue.
If you are feeling lonely and this relationship has no communication, Then you are already in some aspect on your own. You need to set boundaries and lay them out too him, That if it doesn't change it's ways, You will have no choice but to call it a end.
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