Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)


    The Question
    okay i like this guy and he likes me and we're not going out because i cant date yet and he said he'll wait for 2 years to date me but we cuddle a lot and stuff and this guy friend who has a gf likes me saw us hugging and stuff and he was like "if your not going out why he be grabbing you and when he calls you your like a pet to him you go right after
    not to be mean but if you really werent.. then i am ashamed of you cause you should KNOW better soo do you really let a guy do that to you when ur not together? just think about it" what is he trying to say? am i being ****/easy? i like him but then im kinda confused because i like this one guy too >.< any advice?

    The Answer
    If you enjoy, or would like to be, cuddling and hugging your male friends, you are going to have to know that some people are going to call that 'slutty'.

    Is it? Not if you don't think it is.

    If you are comfortable and feel fine, then tell your friend he needs to show a bit more respect, or else keep his comments to himself, because you know exactly who you are, and you are not a slut.

    I've been called a whore for carrying on friendly conversations with a guy about my strange attraction to Alan Rickman... some people are just hyper-critical.

    Know Thyself. Accept that other people are going to think, and say what they like. Go ahead and tell them to put a sock in it.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Some of my friends recently think that I am going to turn anorexic soon, or that I am already. They say I need to eat more. I think I am eating plenty. Here is what i eat usually... for breakfast I usually eat a special K bar, then for lunch I eat like and apple or a kiwi or some kind of fruit, then for dinner I will eat like a half of a half of a hamburger sized peice of meat and a small side salad. Do you think that this is enough? I drink water or vitamine water normally. They keep worrying that I am going to pass out at practice or something. I am a dancer and am at practice for 5 hours a day, so they keep telling me I am not eating enough calories in a day. What is your oppinion on this? Am I really anorexic or and ok? Oh yeah and also i am 5'7" and about 105 pounds and am a girl. Is that a good weight?

    The Answer
    You aren't eating enough and you are probably underwieght.

    Sooner or later, they are right, you are going to pass out.

    You need to take better care of your body. If you plan on, or are, dancing as your career, it's worth it to visit a nuritionist who can give you advice on just how much and what you should be eating.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Ok, so I think my hymen might have broken, but I'm still a virgin. I'm only 14, and sex seems like a scary thing to me. I think it might have broken while putting a tampon in. Later this month, I have a doctors appt, for kidney stones, and they have to go up inside me. I'm worried that if it really did break, they'll tell my mom. She would freak out. I don't think she'd believe that I've never had sex. Do you know maybe what I could do? Like, what I could maybe tell her?

    The Answer
    First off, the doctor will not be checking your hymen.

    Secondly, any doctor worth thier salt knows that an intact hymen isn't proof of virginity. Lots of girls break thiers in other ways. I did. It's normal.

    Lastly, it would be illegal for them to tell your mother, so they wont.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    does anyone else think it is dumb how girls wear low-cut tops and expect guys NOT to stare? they get offended when they do but theyre the ones that are like trying to get their attention??

    The Answer
    Well, yes and no.

    Yes, if you put it on display, you are asking to get looked at.

    But staring IS rude. You aren't supposed to stare at anyone like a gapping idiot. You aren't supposed to stare at the physically handicaped, or at the mentally ill... Even stranger on the bus politely avoid staring at eachother right!

    So when I am speaking to a guy, low cut shirt or not, it is polite of him to look me in the eyes.

    Yes, girls who complain about this are kinda dumb, but guys who don't have the sense to adjust thier gaze when it's pitifully obvious what they are doing are also not the brightest crayons in the box.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    13/F

    Okay, so my gym teacher knows I hate gym. I tried to get into another class... But no, my principle hates mE!!!! He let the others kids get a different class, but nooooo. I had to STAY! Damn it! I've had gym all 3 years in middle school! I fucking HATE IT!!!!!! I was not built for gym, math, science or make up. UNDERSTAND THIS. My gym teacher broke my cool two days ago. I wore my black high heels so I don't have to do gym again. He yelled at me and told me to go to the office... Here's what happened...

    Me: What? Okay, whatever...
    Gym dude: Don't use that tone with me!
    Me: What? Okay, whatever...
    Gym dude: Romero, I want you to participate
    Me: Well, I told you I hated gym, but you didn't listen.
    Gym dude: So? It's good for you.
    Me: Yea right. It makes me sore and mad.
    Gym dude: Go to the office now! You're making me mad!
    Me: Fine, I will. good bye...

    After he went int othe gym I yelled after him: bastard! He didn't hear me, damn it. and I went to the office. i never got in trouble because of some cute guy i nthe office. He mad me happy again, yay and we went to class together. Now, look.
    What i want is, HOW DO I GET OUTTA THIS FUCKING CLASS?!?!?!?! And don't give me any shit about, Gym is good for you, gym will make you feel better, gym will blahblahblah

    I was built for writing, computer stuff and fucking anime characters, got it? NOw, here's more info on my daily thigns to tell you some about mah...

    Writes, sleeps, sits at comptuer 24/7 (yay), studies presidents (I like history), and is VERY lazy! I am lazy, and proud, I'm a bitchy, lazy, emo anime fucking freak! Okay, anyway... hope that helped, haha

    p.s don't ask about the anime fucking thing...*Adivce person stares at screen* Okay fine, I like anime alot, okay? Get over it...

    The Answer
    You could break your own legs.

    Look, you're a lazy bitch. You proudly admitted it. Good, it's good to know yourself.

    Now you need to know this: Bitches are unpleasant and get in trouble. People LIKE to not give bitches what they want and make bitches lives miserable, because bitches make their life miserable.

    You aint getting out of this class with anything sort of several hospital trips because your teacher and principal DON'T LIKE YOU.

    Why should they like you? Why would they do YOU any favors? Clearly they are doing other people the favor, but not you. As far as they are concerned you deserve to suffer!

    It's amazing how, when you are nice, people are nice too you and when you aren't, well, they make you suffer for it!

    So you could try to be nice and rational about it... Speaking calmly, getting a doctors note, getting involved with fitness activities or joining a team or club, asking them why they wont let you out, speaking to a counselor about options or even switching teachers... All of those things might help, if you do them with a open manner and some friendliness.

    If not, you'll just need to add whiny and class-fail-er to your list of skills and interests, because we can't solve your problem, and your current approach isn't going too.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I had this boyfriend for 4 years and he dumped me tons of times, then decided we should be friends. After a while, he questioned about getting back together and I said I wanted to. Then bam, he hit me with the news of saying theres another girl and that he can't choose. I told him theres no choice because I'm gone. Did I do the right thing?

    The Answer
    Yes you did the right thing!

    In fact, you FINALLY did the right thing!

    I would have been at the "Goodbye forever jackass!" After the first two or three dumps. At this point, the guy is yanking your chain and playing games with you. He might not realize that is what he is doing, but it is.

    Don't speak to him, no matter how much you might want to. He'll only tell you how much he likes this new girl and then slip some comment in about how he sort of misses you too. I promise. He'll do *just* that.

    So don't speak to him. He has now made it completely clear that he just isn't that into you. Cry it out and move on.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Okay, so I have a bit of an odd situation... that's slightly complicated, at best.

    I'm 20, female, and in a long distance relationship with a guy on the other side of the planet who is 17. Big distance there, as you well know.

    Anyhow, I talked to his step mum's brother for the first time today, and he kind of halfway hit on me. He's about fifteen years older than I am. It was a little awkward because he's so much older, and I'm a relationship with his step nephew. The thing is, most of my bf's family doesn't know that he and I are in a relationship, his step uncle included. Do I tell him about being hit on by the guy, or do I keep it quiet and only give vague details? I'm completely at a loss at what to do with this one. I'm usually the one to come up with the relationship advice, but with this situation... I honestly don't know. He didn't come out and say a whole lot or anything, so it wasn't a huge deal, but still. To tell all or to keep it vague.

    Any words of wisdom out there for me?

    The Answer
    Keep it to yourself.

    After one meeting it doesn't seem right to get your panties in a knot about being 'halfway hit on'. If you meet him agian maybe you'll be able to make a clearer observation about this guys normal habits and style.

    He could have just been being friendly or could just be the kind of person who flirts with everyone and anyone. Maybe he was flirting with you a bit, but despite the age difference, you are all adults here right? This isn't really something you need to run home and tell the boyfriend about, at least not at this point.

    "Keeping it vague" is a good way to cause your boyfriend undue stress and confusion. Telling it all might blow it out of purportion. My advice is to wait and see what happens, and if possible, deal with it by yourself if it becomes an issue when next you see him. A nice clear "Not Interested." is a far more logical response then upseting your boyfriend and making things awkward if they don't really need to be.

    It's not his uncle knew you were seeing someone, let alone his newphew. He did nothing wrong. No need to cause drama when you can simply ask him to back off.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    18/f hes 24
    i have been seeing my boyfriend for 4 months now. a few weeks ago i had a few friends over and we all drank. (this is the first time hes met any of them). ive told him about my friend jen , who is a slut and he was like grossed out by her. me, very very drunk made a bad decision and made out with jen and one thing lead to another and me her and my boy were in bed together. she went down on me and so did he. no one else did anything except for me going down on him. i am so ashamed about it and we never really talked about it ( because first he was mad/grossed out because he knew she was a slut and thought she was dirty) except for last night, we discussed it (like 1 month later).
    he pretty much said he was mostly into it cuz i was in it and it was his first time doing anything like that. hes a guyy, he`d obv do it again so im worried. i told him it would never happen again expecially with one of my friends, and he was like okay we will have to find someone else haha jk. and i was offended. does he need another girl? what if he got feelings? i would Not be okay with seeing him even touch another girl and im just so nervous now. what can i do? he tells me he is fine with just me and he moslty enjoyed it because of me but im just so ashamed and worried. thanks=(

    The Answer
    Seperate your shame and your worry.

    Shame is okay. Shame tells us where our boundries are and teaches us about the people we want to be.

    Worrying, is pointless. In fact, in this case, it might cause you the relationship.

    You said: "hes a guyy, he`d obv do it again so im worried."
    WRONG. Dead wrong. Thoughts like that will ruin your reltionship, and each relationship you have after this one.

    Guys don't cheat, or crave sexual expreinces just because they are male. Many guys will never, and will never want, to engage in that kind of behavoir. Cheaters cheat, non-cheaters don't, regardless of gender. If you think you are dating a cheater, or a guy who will take a threesome over a happy relationship, well then you have a whole different kind of problem.

    So what do you do? You TALK to him agian of course, but before you do, figure some stuff out!

    What do you consider cheating? What line are you not willing to cross? You can't say things like "never agian! Well at least not with a friend..." if what you really mean is "Never Agian!"

    You were offended? Well then speak up! Make yourself clear.

    Be honest and exact with him. Only then will you really know where he stands.

    Finally, remember that you can't control what he does. You can only choose to trust him, or not trust him. If you can't find it in yourself to trust him, dump him.

    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Hi Id like to know if Bearshare is legal. It says it is but im not sure. Any help?

    The Answer
    Bareshare, Limewire and all those other peer-to-peers are perfectly legal software but it is not legal to download copywritten material (ie) piracy.

    The same way a gun is a legal object and shooting people is illegal. People, not programs, break the laws.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I am 14 years and from canada, my bf is 18 and from the us. I was wondering if we are breaking any laws by us dating. I know that the legas consent is 14 with a 5 year older than me restraint. I was wondering if me being 14 is still in the boundaries of legality. Thank you!! please answer me soon

    The Answer
    The age of consent in Canada is fourteen.

    There is no 'five year exception', not in Canada, there is a two year exception for those under 14, that is all.

    The only requirements for those over 14 but under 18 is that the older individual does hold a position of authority or have control or influence over the young person in an inappropriate way. The laws are there to protect young people being preyed apon, they are just less focused on the age issue.

    Yeah, that seems a little wishy-washy, but that is the way the law is phrased in Canada.

    So no, you aren't in any trouble, not in Canada. Careful if you visit him though, espcailly after he turns nineteen. Many states age of consent is 16.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Does smoking make you slimmer?
    Why does it make you slimmer?

    The Answer
    Smoking is a stimunlant. Smoking burns calories and causes the metabolism to be boosted slightly.

    Nicotine is an appetite suppressant. It interfers with the body's signals for hunger.

    Most people don't gain much weight when the quit. A thirty minute brisk walk can burn as many calories as a heavy smoker burns by smoking.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    in maryland freshman and sophomore girls in college cant have sororities because the law says that more than 7 girls constitutes a brothel? what???

    The Answer
    That is a myth.

    No such law has been proven to exist, anywhere in the states, that forbids the co-habitation of a large number of women.

    The more likely reason for a lack of on-campus sorority homes is that fraternities existed long before sororities, sororities were not supported by many universities when they were first created, they are historically, not as wealthy and, most likely of all, zoning laws near the a university campus would prohibit them!

    Interestingly tidbit for ya though: It is illegal in Maryland to bring a lion to a movie theatre. Seriously.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    okayi dont understand why people say.. theres no such thiing in the world as love at a younge age..
    i mean feelings are feelings
    i just want your opinions
    on what you think of it

    The Answer
    Absolutely, feelings are just feelings. They can’t be helped.

    However, that doesn’t mean every feeling is accurately labeled by the person experiencing it.

    For instance, many people will say that they are worried about someone, when it fact they are only jealous. I have a friend who claims to ‘hate’ me if I can’t make time to go to the movies with her… She does not hate me. She is just disappointed but rather call the feeling hate.

    Calling it hate doesn’t make it hate.

    The man who beats his wife because he loves her, doesn’t really love her.
    The women who cheats and lies and steals all the while saying she loves her boyfriend, doesn’t really love him.

    Calling it love doesn’t make it love.

    Evidence of love is in action and in choices, not in the feeling. The feeling isn’t enough for love. Seriously. Feelings come and go and change. Feelings get forgotten for a while. No one who relied entirely on their feelings, would ever stick with a loving relationship.

    So why do we tell young people they aren’t in love? Because it doesn’t take too many more years of life to learn the warning signs. It doesn’t take much brain power to realize what love isn’t, and in ninety percent of the questions here, it is pretty obvious that there is no loving action or choice taking place. They can call it love all they want, it still isn’t.

    Read these two questions, and both questioners use the words love. Do you think they are using the word in the right way? Or would you call them confused about love?
    www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=517380
    www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=517132
    There are million of examples on this site of people who say they are in love, or say they know they are loved, where any sensible person could see that loving action and choice are missing.

    It is a tough thing in this world but you need to remember that just because you need to respect everyone, doesn’t make them right. I can respect the fact that someone believes themselves to be in love, just the way I could respect someone who thinks, say, that Across the Universe was a fabulous movie, but I can still disagree and argue with them all I want!

    Now I won’t say a teen is incapable love, only that more often then not, they mislabel the feeling and misuse the word. No one here (well no one should be) saying that these kids who say they are ‘in love’ are horrible or stupid. They are only just confused and they are learning. The reason we tell they are confused is because we all hope for them to be able to learn, and not get stuck in the relationship partners of teenager, because it can get sooo much better!
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Okay could someone help me?
    I was on the LIM website and I was looking at the tuition fees page and from what I gather, tuition is $18,100 per semester (which makes it $36,200 a year, right? I've never been to school in the US. Our school year isn't divided by semesters here)
    But then I found myself on this other page and it said the first semester is $5,000 or something and then the second is $18,100. But my computer crashed and I can't find my way back to that page

    http://www.limcollege.edu

    Could someone go to the website and have a look around for me and tell me if from what they gather; it's $18,100 per semester/$36,200 per annum?

    The Answer
    When you add up all the nessicary fees (besides tuition) it would cost you about $18,625 a year to attend. That is for a full time student enrolled in both semesters. If you scroll down you will see how it is devided.

    Of course, that doesn't count books, living expenses and such.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I was in a serious relationship with someone for over 2 years at least. We broke up off and on and all of the break-ups were his decision. And he keeps coming back! Each time he leaves it's for less than a month and he's back. Well, this time we went the whole summer apart and now he's back again for a friendship. I'm NOT ok with this, I got weak and started crying when he called me asking to be friends. Then, he started saying that he doesn't want to hurt me and that maybe if we manage as friends we could try again as a couple. I really cannot decide what to do.

    I mean I'm in love with him, so obviously I want to be with him. But, I really don't like being his friend. We've been talking every night for 3 days and I'm just wishing it was more all of the time because he's very show offish and kind of a jerk as my friend. But, he's the best and sweetest guy as my boyfriend. The reason he broke it off so many times is because of fighting and fearing we won't make it.

    Important Things:

    -We are an INTERNET RELATIONSHIP
    -We've met once and couldn't be happier with what we saw
    -We are both 17 if this helps

    And, you can guarantee a rating if you give me your honest opinion. I've just been crying for days and I could use some help:(

    The Answer
    Stop talking to him.
    Please.

    He isn't a friend.

    This guy is a control freak. Just in case you haven't gotten that lets stick a big label on him that read 'Control Freak'.

    Control Freak is manipulating you. Control Freak is making you work, and work hard, to be with him while doing next to nothing himself. Control Freak is walking away whenever things don't go exactly the way he wants them too. Control Freak knows that his position, as this guy that you love who is miles away, gives him boundless power over you, and he likes it. Control Freak doesn’t need to deal with you respectfully or address the pain he causes you; the cyber world filters it for him, allowing him to treat you as little more then text on a screen that he can’t pick up and drop again without any remorse.

    The reason you aren’t okay with this, is because this is NOT OKAY. If he was doing this in person it would be just as not okay.

    Tell him you aren't ready to be friends, or better yet, that you don't want to be his friend. Because you don't and you aren't. Crying for days is a good sign of not being ready or willing to put up with his bullshit right now.

    Loving him, but recognizing his failures and how negative the relationship is for you, is the first step in getting over a guy. The second step is getting and keeping some distance.

    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    why do i see people spitting on the ground randomly while walking by?

    The Answer
    Because they are sub-human creatures who for some reason have ignored that basic evolutionary feat that allows us to swallow our own saliva with out even having to think about it...

    In North America spitting on the ground is viewed as rude, or at least childish. Yet a lot of men and boys specifically still engage in it.

    In other cities around the world, Bankok and Moscow for instance, spitting is even more prevalant then it is here.

    Some people will chalk it up to smoking, or being sick. I'm happy to call it just plain disgusting.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I'm a sophomore girl..

    Okay, so there's this nerdy guy that sits in front of me. (the definition of NERD, I swear) and he's sooo nice. But he doesn't shut up! He just talks and talks and talks when nobody's listening he continues on talking about how he cracked the computer system at our school or something and nobody cares...and w/e..He has dandruff that flies off and is VERY visible on his head, he wears glasses (nothing against that, of course) and has a lot of acne. His voice is annoying and monotonous(sp?). And when he has no one else to talk to (usually) he just talks to ME! And he says annoying, uninteresting things about computers that I could care less about. How do I politely show him I'm uninterested? Sometimes he gets me in trouble with the teacher for talking!

    he's really nice and I don't wanna be mean :(!

    The Answer
    "I'm paying attention right now."
    OR
    "I'm working, not talking at the moment."

    It feels a bit rude yes, but it's not. It's just honest and straightfowward. With some people just will not take hints. So don't drop hints, don't try and 'show him', TELL him to stop.

    Set the bounderies clearly. You'll feel better.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    15/f
    Another fabulous love story. (Note the sarcasm)
    I apologize in advance for the length, and thanks for reading.
    Okay so i have known my friend Anna for maybe 4 years. We got really close the last 2, because we only saw each other once a week at dance classes. I recently moved, and now we go to the same school. PRIOR to me moving, I would go up to her school for different events (talent shows...plays, etc.) So i got to know all of her friends (who are now my friends, seeing as we all go to the same school.) and her boyfriend, jake. As soon as i saw him, i fell in love, okay not really in love, that takes time. But he was really sweet and funny and hes so cute. ANYWAY. The first time me and jake had met was about a yearish ago. Since then, we talked online almost everyday, and we had seen each other a few more times. Then, i had gone up to her school for a day to get to know everyone, and sort of take a tour and get the feel of everything. Anna and jake had a bunch of classes together, and i was tagging along with anna all day. Jake kept smiling at me and looking at me, and it was kinda weird because he was still dating anna at the time. They broke up a few weeks later, but not because of me. Anyway, a few weeks ago, i was talking to jake and he told my he loved me and thought i was really pretty. i was thrown off, because im not the girl who every guy is drooling over, and it kind of shocked me. So i told my friend from my old school, we'll call her mary, who doesnt know anna, but sort of knows jake, and mary asks me if i like jake. i told her the truth, i did. so she goes and tells jake, because she thinks shes doing a good thing, i was a little pissed at first, but i got over it. so after mary tells jake that i like him, jake confronts me about it. his words were something like well i like you and you like me woo. but he doesnt want a gf now, and i dont really want a bf now either.
    im not sure what my questions is. i guess its what should i do? how should i act around jake (btw, anna and her friends DONT know i like him. and me and jake dont really talk in school, but when he walks my me in the hallway he'll tap my shoulder and walk away) would it be really bad for me to want to be with my friends ex? ahh
    sorry guys, thanks so much. i just need to know what i should do :\\\

    The Answer
    To sum up what I understand thus far: Right now, both you and Jake know that there is chemistry, but don't want to do anything about it.

    So there isn't too much to worry about at the moment.

    The idea that you can't/shouln't date the crush or ex of your friend is quite silly and grade-schoolish. A lot of intelligent people grow out of it and realize that people can't help who they hit it off with. A guy I dated is now engaged to one of my best friends, and I couldn't be happier for them both.

    That's the way life goes.

    So is it okay to want to be with your friend's ex? Yes. Is it okay to date your friend's ex? Yes.

    The only thing you need to be aware of is the consequences. Just because it's not a 'bad, bad, thing' doesn't mean Anna won't feel hurt, betrayed and angry. Her feelings will be just as okay as your feelings for Jake!

    You might loose her as a friend. Other people might talk nasty about you.

    That is also, the way life goes.

    So how do you treat Jake? Honestly, like a guy you have a crush on: Flirt a little, smile and be friendly. How do you Treat Anna? Honestly, like a friend: Tell her what you and Jake has realized, tell her nothing is going to come of it right now, but you felt it would be better coming from you now, then someone else later.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and he's very good to me. The only problem is...a little while before we met he hooked up with this girl that I really dislike. They had a friends with benefits arrangement going on for a while and worked together, but fortunately no longer speak. One of the first times I hung out with him before we started dating they were cuddling, and I think this may have impacted my impression of him. She was still calling even after we started dating. She's gone now, but I can't stop thinking about the things they did together and it disgusts me because I'm very morally opposed to that kind of thing. I really want to just put it behind me and move on but it seems I can't, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    The Answer
    Ignore your feelings about HER for a mintute and think about this insteed:

    Do you and your boyfriend have different values and beliefs about relationships?

    Those values and beliefs are what you need to talk about. Those are what are worrying you, and with good reason!

    You need to know where he stands, how he defines things. You can never know another person perfectly, but this is a chat all couples have to have at some point. What is cheating? What does sex mean to you? What sort of relationships have you been in in the past?

    All questions you need to ask him, and questions you should be able to answer honestly yourself.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    19/f. Sorry this'll be long.

    So there's this guy I met a few weeks ago. We've stayed up several times in the past two weeks just talking for hours. We got close about a week ago, just cuddling and stuff but it wasn't until last night when things started happening. We were both drunk and cuddling etc all night. Finally we got some time alone and went back to my room in my dorm. We started kissing (I've wanted to for so long!) and afterwards I told him he was a great kisser. Well, his response to that was very unexpected. He said "it wasn't as good as it could've been" Wow. Major blow. I asked him what he meant and he said he thought it could've been a lot better and he'd imagined it differently. Said he compared me to this one another girl he'd once kissed (I'm only the 3rd person) Of course I got upset and that was the end of it. He left and I went to bed. This morning he came into my room and started speaking to me about it, saying I was right when I suggested he was still hung over the girl, he just hadn't realized it till last night. He didn't apologize for what he said until I mentioned I thought he was coming in to apologize. Last thing he said before I went to class was basically reiterating what he said when drunk: "it was good, but not as good as it could've been" So sadly, it wasn't just him being drunk and saying things he didn't mean. He asked me to wait just a week till he "sorts himself out" but that he really does care about me and seems to think *I'm* not ready to be in a relationship with him. I might add, it was always him making the moves on me. Everyone says he goes on about me all the time and he did say he liked me.

    I don't know what to do. I do really like him, but I have no idea why he said what he did. It hurt me so badly. I'm not sure whether to bother "waiting" for him or what because I'm not sure he deserves it. So.. what do you think I should do basically? Everyone reckons he has a lot of apologizing and explaining to do and I shouldn't speak to him until he does. I just don't know where everything went wrong. Last night everyone kept asking us if we were together and he'd smile and say "I hope so" and then this happened. So yeah..what should I do about him and why did he say what he did? I don't get it. Thanks for reading.

    The Answer
    Just ignore him hun. Be friendly, but don't obsess and don't wait.

    This guy has proven himself both insensitive and inconsistent. He has no idea what he wants, and you shouldn't jump on his emotional rollercoaster with him because I promise you, it’s gonna take more then a week for him to end the drama fest.

    Yes, it's good to be honest, but honesty should always been tempered with sensitivity and respect. He was disrespectful and insensitive to you. Even if he turns around and decides he DOES really like you, do you want to be with someone who interacts with other people that way?

    You haven’t known him very long. You have time to get to know him better if you want too, but speaking as a girl who is just a few years older, I hope you’ll seriously consider these two comments:

    This guy has a bit more maturing to do before anything more then make-out moments should be considered with him. He is too self-absorbed for a stable relationship. If that is what you are looking for now, he probably can’t deliver.

    It sets off a real alarm bell in my head that he thinks YOU aren’t ready to be with him. What I hear from that is this: “Oh shit, this girl isn’t insecure or desperate enough to just love me anyways. She really expects me to apologize when I make a mistake! Shit...”

    Stick to your guns and too your self respect. If you can keep those and keep your crush on him, fine, but if you have to choose between them, go with the self respect!
    (View All Other Answers.)



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