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I resent my boyfriend for something he did before we even me
Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and he's very good to me. The only problem is...a little while before we met he hooked up with this girl that I really dislike. They had a friends with benefits arrangement going on for a while and worked together, but fortunately no longer speak. One of the first times I hung out with him before we started dating they were cuddling, and I think this may have impacted my impression of him. She was still calling even after we started dating. She's gone now, but I can't stop thinking about the things they did together and it disgusts me because I'm very morally opposed to that kind of thing. I really want to just put it behind me and move on but it seems I can't, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH.
i've been with my boy atleast a year and a half and he had many hookups before me. he even had two girls kiss eachother for him. that bothers me CRAZILY. anyways you just kinda have to look past it its going to take alot of time and always bother you but hes with you because you mean something to him, not that other trampy whore. it might help to share your feelings with him, about how you feel. try not to ask about his past anymore and just focus on the future of you too, good luck :]
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I think I know what you mean... it's like you can't help but feeling as if you're dating used goods. Unfortunately, there is always a chance of running into and being attracted to people with different backgrounds and moral beliefs. And sometimes, we might end up dating people who've been around the block longer than we have. That's love for you... and sometimes it's better to buy the new Ford Taurus than it is to buy the Used Mitsubishi Eclipse.
But ask yourself if these are qualities and differences you can live with. If they are, great... but if they aren't, and evidently they aren't becuase you dislike the girl he hooked up with... talk to him and tell him what's on your mind. You've been dating him for a while... so I'm sure he'll listen. If not, then find a guy who cares about your feelings :)
Or at least a used Mitsubishi Eclipse with not as many owners ;)
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I know that the past can be hurtful, but there isn't anything anyone can do to erase it. Maybe how he acted towards her was a mistake, but they've lost all communication.
As to being morally opposed (I completely agree, by the way) just remember that even if a guy feels that it's wrong, he usually has a hard time passing up a chance like that. And talk to him! It really does help to talk when you want to put something behind you. Good luck. =)
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Ignore your feelings about HER for a mintute and think about this insteed:
Do you and your boyfriend have different values and beliefs about relationships?
Those values and beliefs are what you need to talk about. Those are what are worrying you, and with good reason!
You need to know where he stands, how he defines things. You can never know another person perfectly, but this is a chat all couples have to have at some point. What is cheating? What does sex mean to you? What sort of relationships have you been in in the past?
All questions you need to ask him, and questions you should be able to answer honestly yourself.
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Talk to him about it. Obviously don't keep bringing it up because its in the past but communicate with him & get it out've the way. Since you've been dating over a year, he's most likely over her. You can't change the past or his feelings, so really just talk to him about it & explain your feelings. If they aren't talking, you shouldn't worry about it. He's dating you, not her. You should only get suspicious if they talk often.
-hope that helped!♥
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You guys have been together for over a year, so obviously his feelings for this girl are no more. Feelings prior to your relationship could have been there, but I don't think he would be with you for this amount of time if he still had something for her. She's gone, and since she is no longer in the picture at all, it should send you a sign that says everything will be fine. He either stopped connections with her, or she realized that she's not going to get anything out of him anymore. He loves you now. Just keep reminding yourself who he picked, and why.
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