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so ashamed of MYSELF
18/f hes 24
i have been seeing my boyfriend for 4 months now. a few weeks ago i had a few friends over and we all drank. (this is the first time hes met any of them). ive told him about my friend jen , who is a slut and he was like grossed out by her. me, very very drunk made a bad decision and made out with jen and one thing lead to another and me her and my boy were in bed together. she went down on me and so did he. no one else did anything except for me going down on him. i am so ashamed about it and we never really talked about it ( because first he was mad/grossed out because he knew she was a slut and thought she was dirty) except for last night, we discussed it (like 1 month later).
he pretty much said he was mostly into it cuz i was in it and it was his first time doing anything like that. hes a guyy, he`d obv do it again so im worried. i told him it would never happen again expecially with one of my friends, and he was like okay we will have to find someone else haha jk. and i was offended. does he need another girl? what if he got feelings? i would Not be okay with seeing him even touch another girl and im just so nervous now. what can i do? he tells me he is fine with just me and he moslty enjoyed it because of me but im just so ashamed and worried. thanks=(
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Everything's going to be fine. It's clear that he wasn't into it. Of course he liked it, but because of you, not of her. He liked the idea that you liked other girls. Whether you're bisexual or not, you certainly acted it and I think I can safely say that, yeah, you are. Even if you wouldn't ever date a girl or anything, you don't seem to have a problem with being sexual with one. There's nothing wrong with that. Anyways, the reason I know that he was into you and that what he is telling you is the truth is because he didn't do anything with her. He had every opportunity to. It would have made sense for him to. For him, it was more of a show than something he wanted. Like a porn movie. He's not going to get attached to a girl in a porno or have feelings for her or anything. He's not going to need porn to be sexual. It's not going to turn into a need or a want unless you do this with this girl all the time, which you won't. It was clearly something you wouldn't have done without alcohol. I think that making this into an issue of trust is a bad move. It'll push him away. Believe him, he really is telling the truth. If he was pushing you to do it again or trying to convince you that it was a good thing then you'd be in trouble. He's not doing that though. He's trying to lighten the situation by joking about it and trying to reassure you that it was okay that it happened by letting you know that he enjoyed it. Just take a deep breath and relax. You have nothing to worry about. Even if it does happen again, it'll still be okay as long as you talk to him about it afterwards like you did this time. :)
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its so normal you think this way right now, cause now he tried a threesome he liked it and might wanna try again, i think there's no thing you can do, at least just tell him that maybe it wasn't the right thing (cause if he ever try it again with other people he might not see it as something bad cause you've done it already and where okay with it) so let him know that your not okay with this,and that day things just happen and it was't suppose to happen, i guess in this situation you have to trust blindly cause theres no way you know he really is not doing this again, also cause he's 24 and its like on the peak of his sexuality.good luck with everything and b careful next time when you drink :)hope everything's okay
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Seperate your shame and your worry.
Shame is okay. Shame tells us where our boundries are and teaches us about the people we want to be.
Worrying, is pointless. In fact, in this case, it might cause you the relationship.
You said: "hes a guyy, he`d obv do it again so im worried."
WRONG. Dead wrong. Thoughts like that will ruin your reltionship, and each relationship you have after this one.
Guys don't cheat, or crave sexual expreinces just because they are male. Many guys will never, and will never want, to engage in that kind of behavoir. Cheaters cheat, non-cheaters don't, regardless of gender. If you think you are dating a cheater, or a guy who will take a threesome over a happy relationship, well then you have a whole different kind of problem.
So what do you do? You TALK to him agian of course, but before you do, figure some stuff out!
What do you consider cheating? What line are you not willing to cross? You can't say things like "never agian! Well at least not with a friend..." if what you really mean is "Never Agian!"
You were offended? Well then speak up! Make yourself clear.
Be honest and exact with him. Only then will you really know where he stands.
Finally, remember that you can't control what he does. You can only choose to trust him, or not trust him. If you can't find it in yourself to trust him, dump him.
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I'd be offended too. Now that hes done it and you participated he will expect it to be no big deal again. He will just get you drunk.
Tell him it will never happen again under any circumstances.
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I'm a bit concerned why it took a month to talk about the situation. You're obviously uncomfortable with it, so maybe he was too - or he would have brought it up.
He obviously would be "into it 'cause you're in it" because you're his girlfriend!
Maybe he enjoyed the whole experience of 2 girls together - he is a guy after all. It doesn't mean he wants sex etc with other girls as well as you, though.
He said he was joking about finding someone else, right? So trust him on that one for a start.
Explain to him it's making you feel uneasy and you don't like the thoughts of him doing anything with anyone else other than you. It's only natural - which is why doing things in a 3 way can get a bit messy.
Plus, I doubt he would have got proper feelings from a drunken night like that where not alot happened. Especially if he was grossed out by it because she's a "slut". So believe him when he says he is fine with just you.
Talk to him again if you need reassuring and really tell him how you feel about the situation to make him understand your thoughts on the matter.
Don't be ashamed of what happened. Everyone makes mistakes. and this one can be fixed with a little more communication.
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