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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
ok so i am going to have sex. i am on birth control AND he will use a condom. what are the chances of me getting pregnant?
The Answer
The chance is likely less than 1%, assuming you use both correctly.
Sex is always a bit risky and there are STDs that condoms will not protect agianst propperly. Always take care of yourself, not just through contraception, but through your choice of partner as well.
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The Question
There's this guy, James. I've known him for a really long time, and this summer we grew really close. (He's twenty and I'm fifteen, by the way.) He was like a brother to me. He gave me his cell number, and I called him once but it was really awkward. He said he'd call me sometime(this was at the very end of August.) He didn't. I know it's been a really long time, but should I call him again, or not? I miss him so, so much, like I don't go a day without thinking about him. I'm almost positive that he does care about me, I mean he told me he loved me and I was definitely his favorite person out of everyone who was at the camp we're at. Like, he told everyone.
What should I do? I can't can't can't forget about him, so don't tell me that. But what should I do?
The Answer
You *should* probably take a deep breath, and it him go.
You don't need to forget him. He is part of your summer camp memory, so hold on to that. HOWEVER he was probably uncomfortable about the appropriateness of your relationship and how it might affect his job. He might now be dating someone, or be extremely busy. Whatever is happening, it's safe to say he isn’t that interested in you that way.
If you just want to reconnect, sure, call him and wish him a Merry Christmas, but if you are hoping for more, don’t bother. It would be torturing yourself for no good reason.
The hardest people to ‘get over’ are the ones we never really get together with, because they live on only in our fantasies and those fantasies can last a damn long time. Just take a deep breath and let it go.
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The Question
i have a really close friend. and last year she found out she was pregnant i stuck by her the whole time. she had the baby but when she came back to school she had told me she gave it up for adoption. shes really skinny so no one knew but me. not even her parents. now she just came clean and broke down and told me that she was to scarred to give the baby up so she keeps her in the basement and goes down there when noone is home to take care of her. im really scarred what should i do. please help
The Answer
She's probably lying to you.
Speak to a guidance counselor at school or, have your parents talk to her parents. On the off chance that she telling the truth that baby MUST be removed from her care or it will likely die.
However, it's next to impossible that her story is true. The hospital would never allow a fifteen year-old to remove thier child and take it home without speaking to her guardians, and I seriously doubt her parents would have missed the whole 'labour' ordeal, which ussually requires a day or two or serious recovery, even if they didn't notice her pregnancy.
If she is lying, it will be figured it out pretty quickly, and give her the help that she needs to stop this attention seeking behavior.
Take a deep breath, she is most likely telling you a story, but you should get an adult involved because it is not mentally sound of her to make such a thing up.
Think about this seriously and I think you will realize that this is purely attention seeking on her part, but it must be stopped. No matter what the truth is, your friend is in desperate need of help. Tell an adult.
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The Question
Ok so some people are probaly going to think I'm just making this all up and as I'm typing I'm having a hard time beliving it but I asure you that this is all true. I have known this girl for quite along time and we dated several times ending in failure. Then as we have goten older (im 17)(shes 16) we have talked less and less. We are both in relationships now and her bf severly dislikes me and my gf is afraid she is going to try and steal me. Anyway the only times we talk is if she is severly upset and needs some one to talk to.This is the strange part now, a few days ago I had a panic attack and cried for over and hour and punched my bedroom wall to my hand was bloody, thats not the strange part though I hadn't talked to "her" in quite some time but she texted me the next day saying what was the matter. I was shocked to see this, she had told me once that she had some psychic powers and could see ghost and spirits. Part of me belives this is true part of me is still skeptical. The real problem is that she seems to find away into my head like when I don't talk to her in a while its like she never exisited but her name is even metioned or just the friendly "Hello" in the hall I rember why I dated her in the first place and shes all I can think about. How can I get over her when she can always be their if you know what I mean?
The Answer
Don't give her more power then she deserves.
I don't know much about telepathy, but I do know that is a basic truth of the universe: People only have as much control over you and your life as you give them.
If you spend your time obsessing over your 'connection' with her, her abilities, or your relationship with her from years ago, you WILL be haunted by her.
That isn't the universe causing it, it's YOU doing it to yourself.
I would suggest, to you both, that you stop contacting each other in your moments of weakness. Reconnect with each other when you are free to do so, but unless you are going to dump your girlfriend and chase this girl down, you need to maintain some distance, both physically and mentally.
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The Question
(I'm 15 O:!)
Mk, so, I'm dating this boy, Scotty, and I'm like, seriously in love with him, like for real. And we were best friends before we told each other we lvoed each other and crap so yeah (:
But then he moved to Indiana ):
But we're still dating, but like long distacnly o_O
We tlak on this thing calld 'Xat', but, he was in the hospital for over a month, and just came out today (12/20/07) and told me what happened.
I'm stealing, and saving up alot of money so I can go up to Indiana and see him , and we can go to England together.
But, I don't know if I should just, run away from home.
What do i doooo? ):
The Answer
Steal, lie, cheat and decieve. Terrify your parents half to death. Cause a state-wide search for you and waste thousands of dollars in time and reasources.
Is that your plan? Because that plan sucks.
That is not what adults do when they are in love. That is the behavoir of a selfish chid who who deserves no respect at all. Unless you are a selfish child, act maturly and manage your love in a way that will make people respect and trust you.
Take that money you are 'saving' and call him on the telephone. Talk to your parents and his parents about visiting him. Prove yourself responsible and serious. It will take a long time as you and he build your relationship, save and plan but that is the only way to love honestly and if you aren't loving honestly, you aren't really loving at all.
Theivry and deciet will land you in a whole lot of trouble and a good chunk of danger. If you want to be able to love and travel and fight for that love the way an adult would it's time to grow up and not cling to fantasys.
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The Question
When I moved into my dorm at college, there was this one time I went away to a party overnight without letting my mom know. I am a legal adult, but am home for the summer. She outright asked me if I'd done it and I admitted it. Yes I know I shouldn't have gone behind her back like that, but if I hadn't done that I wouldn't have been able to go. I'm never allowed to go to anything when I'm at home, whether it be a sleepover or even to stay at my bf's house. I've missed out on so many things because of mom being overprotective. She feels I betrayed her and says there will be "serious consequences" Can she really punish me for this? She has been good about letting my bf stay here and she says I'm unappreciative of all she does for me because of what I did. What do I do?
19/f
The Answer
Ride it out, and go back to university knowing one of two things:
You either need to be totally honest with your mother and abide by her rules and values at all times.
OR
You need to not tell her things that will just piss her off.
This would not be my advice to a 16-year-old, but it is my advice to you.
You are now a young adult living in your mother's home. That means, while you are there, you must abide by her rules. For instance, I am 22 years old and I am not allowed to be with my boyfriend behind a closed door in my mom's home. That is a STUPID rule. I've lived outside of my mother's home for 5 years now, there aint nothing that could happen when a door closes that hasn't already. BUT it's her rule, so I don't do it. If she saw fit to ground me, or deny me use of the car while I was at home, I would just have to live with that.
While you are home right now, you are grounded and you will need to suffer through her 'consequences'. When you are in your dorm or apartment, live your life as you choose. If you seriously screw up, expect her to step in with some actually serious consequences, like calling the cops, ending her support of you, or sending you to rehab. Those sort of things are still her responsibility as a parent.
How you spend your time on Friday night, is not her responsibility, or frankly, any of her business.
If you can do this calmly, do tell her if you are going away overnight or for a few days and give her a number where you can be reached. If you cannot do that without her becoming irrational make sure that someone she has access too (your roommate, a floormate, a don or such) has the phone number where you can be reached and knows where you are expect back, That is common sense safety. Take care of yourself and party smart. Don't disappear with strangers or people you know to be irresponsible.
Just do your best, have some sensible fun and don't stress your mom out with the details.
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The Question
Does anyone think a 14 yr old having sex would be slutty? If she has been with this guy for a year, or even less than 12 months, but more than 4? and them knowing each other for 2 years?
This is not about me, I'm just wondering, and no offense to any 14 yr olds, it's just that some people call sluts now-a-days for wearing skirts, or too much eyeliner.
Anywho...you think it'd be better if she was 15? And she knew the consequences, and had was taking birth control, had condoms, etc.
Give me your opinions, thanks!
The Answer
Slutty is indescriminate sex with many partners...
Having sex at 14, with anyone, is just not that smart, but it's not slutty.
Being a bit older, and practicing safe sex are ALWAYS better, but still not nessicarly the best.
'Slut' is just a nasty word people throw at women, often for no good reason. Frankly, I would suggest to all women, to remove it from thier vocabularies.
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The Question
So in July of this year, my parents found out that me and my boyfriend had sex. But we lied about it for a few days but then i finally told my parents the truth because my dad threatened to but my boyfriend in jail. Im only 14. And hes 18. I know thats really bad, but i dont care about age. Especially now. We're supose to be going to court for this and have the judge decide what should happen, him going to jail for a few years, or probation, or even a restraining order. I dont want any of that to happen. I seriously love this guy. I dont care what my parents say, or think of it. I love him and I want to be with him! I love his family and his family love me, well right now they're are still kinda mad but they told me that they still love me, no matter what. So basically we are still together, but to my parents, we aren't. Every day, I miss him even more, there isn't one second that im not thinking about him. I cry myself to sleep, Im depressed, lonely, and hurt. I want to go to counseling but im afraid to tell my parents because they think im over him completely. But im not, I never will be. I never will forgive my parents about this, they ruined my life, my heart, and my trust. But lately its getting really bad. My depression. I don't have anyone really to talk to about this. Only his sister and two of my best friends. I know they can't help me, but at least they listen. I don' know what to do anymore, i know i can't move on. I've tried before, never worked. I don't want to live with my parnets anymore because i just keep things from them all the time, I want to be somewhere that i can actually express how i feel. And when i need to cry, ill cry instead of just letting it build up inside all day long and then crying myself to sleep at night. I just hope and wish that ill get a nice judge who will understand how we feel. I dont care that im 14 and i think im in love. I know i am. And if u say im not, then I DONT CARE. Because honestly, no one really knows how i truely feel about him, maybe 3 people, but they only know a little.
Anyways, I honestly don't know what to do anymore.
The Answer
If you already chossen not to listen to reason, not to listen to your parents, the law, or anyone here... well, there isn't much you two can do but ride out this mess.
That will mean he will have to live through whatever the court decides and they will likely not 'understand how you feel'. His family will have to live through it as well. You will have to live through being without him, having your parents distrust you and lying to them.
You are fourteen so, you likely can't move out. You can cry yourself to sleep at night and lean on your friends. It's sucks yes, but unless you are willing to work hard to let go, you are going to have to work even harder to hold on.
You've made your choice hun. It came with serious consequences. For everyone.
The only solution to your pain would be to agree to not see him agian until you are of legal age. If you refuse that, there is nothing anyone here can do to help you but say kind things to you.
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The Question
Next semester my schedule is full but I don't whether I should take History or Art. Art is something I really enjoy art and some of my close friends are in that course but I think History is useful, particularly for Uni. For practice writing essays and stuff.
I can't decide. Some opinions would be helpful.
The Answer
Take the one you think you would enjoy more.
Frankly, they are both very valuable to you as you move on. Not so much because of the 'essay' componant but because they give you a context for life. What you learn in history and and art classes stay with you for the rest of your life and give you a context in which to understand your life.
I know that sounds kind of lame, but really it isn't. If you want my opinion, and you have to remember that I'm an arts worker myself, take art. Art essays will give you a even more important skills then history essays. Art essays demand that you compare and contrast and think critically from your own mind. That is what university professors really look for in every subject they teach.
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The Question
Ok I've been dating this guy for 4 months and we've made out every time we see each other and he's eaten me out and whatnot. Well In every other of my relationships when we've made out I always gave them a boner, hell sometimes all I did was brush them and they got a boner. But this entire time my boyfriend have been dating he's never gotten a boner. The only time I think i gave him one was at homecoming because he kept going to the bathroom and he only had one glass of water. And it's not that I haven't been paying attention, cause I've looked and even when I straddle him and hint at anything, nothing happens. So I'm worried that I don't turn him on like he does for me. The only thing I could think of as to why he's never shown it is because he has AMAZING control but there's always a limit to that.
How do I tell without being so blunt I look like a slut?
The Answer
Hun, if you are straddling him and letting him perform oral sex on you, I don't think this guy likes you because of your prudish ways...
I'm not calling you a slut! Not at all. Just pointing out that this guy seems to like you and is comfortable with your sexuality. You shouldn't worry about 'looking like a slut'. You should worry about being honest and happy.
So, ask the boy if you get him hard! Yes, it's a little embaressing, but so what. At worst you'll learn something new about HIS sexuality and at best you'll feel a whole lot better.
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The Question
im 17/f. for a few weeks now ive been talkin to this guy. he likes me so hes always around me when he sees me. hes fun to hang out with but as of now were only friends, maybe FWB bc i just got outta a relationship and dont have feelings for him. my two really good/best friends cant stand him. which for one i think is really unfair bc they dont really know him. he can be very out there and wild-actin, and ill admit he can get annoying sometimes, but they act like they just hate him and are always giving me grief about it, saying things like "omg are you gonna go out with him?? how can you stand him, id kill him!" and just stuff like that. ive told them before that they dont even know him, that hes not always like that. ill admit after school when him, our other mutual friend and my two girl friends are all outside, he acts really crazy and can get irritating, but theyre really pushin it. theyre so judgemental. how am i supposed to handle this? its not that i care what they think about him.. its that they talk about it.. or him.. or me soo much and wont get off my back about it and its freaking annoying and makes me wanna slap em. any ideas ???
The Answer
Tell them you've heard thier message loud and clear and it's okay that they feel that way. They don't have to like him, but they do need to respect him and your choice to date him.
From that point forward, if they can't say anything nice, don't let them say anything at all. If they start on about how awful he is agian tell them firmly that you are aware of thier opinion but won't have this dicussion with them.
It's not your job to defend your boyfriend, so don't bother. Just tell them they have been heard and understood and it's time to keep thier comments to themselves.
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The Question
15 f\ virgin
I'm a little older then 15 and a half. I love my boyfriend dearly. I really AM ready to have sex with him and I want to give him something I can't take back or give anyone else. I would have sex with him, however, I feel I'm just too young! I know for a fact no one would find out about it, I rather it be personal. I would like to know your opinion. I know I am ready, I just consider 15 young.
thanks alot, xo
The Answer
You know you are ready, but feel you are too young...
That doesn't seem a tad off to you?
If the best reason you can think of to not have sex is that you think you might be too young, then you are definately too young.
Your subconcious mind is giving you a message hun, listen to it.
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The Question
i'm 15, my bf is 14.
my boyfriend is always flirting with other girls.
i tried to ignore it for a while, but i just couldn't ignore it anymore.
so i told him that it annoyed me when he flirted with other girls, and especially in front of me. he said that he doesn't really think he is flirting with them, he just thinks he is being nice, or friendly or something.
i said that's ok but just don't go too far, you know.
the other day he told me he used to have crush on one of my friends.
she is pretty and popular and really nice. everyone else thinks this too, and i don't like that he used to like her.
this is because he still flirts with her, even when i am around.
he says that he doesn't like her anymore, but i just can't think that.
i think that because he always flirts with everyone else, that he doesn't really like me. he says that i am beautiful and that he loves me so much, but it doesn't feel like that....
i love him too, but sometimes it's just so frustrating...
can someone please help me how to deal with this
The Answer
This is actually extremely simple hun.
You either believe that is being honest with you about his feelings for you and his behavior towards others.
OR
You think he’s a lying scum who is misleading you about his feelings for you and trying to pick up other girls right in front of you.
If you don't think he is scum, you better start taking some deep breaths and trusting him.
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The Question
ok i got a question what happends if you have a boyfriend but you hate his mom. Also you moved in with him and you rent out rooms she is the landlord but she walks in when ever she wants and brings anyone in whenever she wants. She wakes people up at weird hours i mean i know its her house still but there has to be laws against something!
The Answer
If you are renting a room in her home and sharing the same entrance and kitchen, then you aren't a 'renter' and she is not a 'landlord'. Not legally anyways, you are a boarder and the standard tenancy laws don't protect you. She is allowed to do precisely what you are describing because as far as the law in concerned it is her house and you just live there.
If you are renting a separate space with a separate entrance then you certainly could take her to court, but seems like a horrible idea given the circumstances.
Find somewhere else to live.
EDIT:
I'm not sure what you found rude about this. I summarized the law accurately. If you have your own entrance and kitchen then you are a tenant and there are laws that protect you. Because of your question I assumed (mistakenly) that you did not have your own entrance and you were technically a boarder at a room in her house.
Frankly hun, you can hardly blame me for that assumption. It's a miserable situation many people find themselves in when the move in with their teenage boy/girlfriends and would account for the mothers presence. Don’t bite my head off for making your question unclear. I can only read what you write. I cannot read your mind.
SO you ARE a renter and she does not live on in the property then yes, of course you have legal steps that can be taken. But as yggirls said, that will be messy and detrimental to your relationship with her and likely with your boyfriend. Landlord Tenant Court should be your last option.
SO find somewhere else to live.
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The Question
When I was young I hardly had a crush on anyone in my life. I did short of but they were just a fling. I like guys they can be hot and cute and they turn me on but what I don’t understand that I had odd feeling to other women in my past. I always thought of my self being with them I thought it was just a phase but then when I realize I have a crush on my long term friend I know for 8 years from now who is a women made me realize I am bi sexual. It’s odd that it came out that way and I don’t understand it. I told her how I felt about her and she said she is unsure on her sexuality too but doesn’t feel the same way. I am cool with that because I don’t know what I am too. I mean yeah I can say I am bi because I have deep feelings for her but how do I know if I can go down on a girl or guy? I want to be more than friends with her but myself cant realize that I am not ready for something like that…I just have no clue what sexuality i am, so how can you know?
Go out with other people and find out? every time I think of doing that I want it to be with her so how can I not think of that? i want to know how do you know what sexuality you are..so if you are in my shoes please explain how you find out.
The Answer
Much as the other advisor suggested, I found my peace of mind by not worrying so much about labeling my sexuality and working on finding people I'm compatible with both emotionally and sexually.
Bi-sexuality is tough. Frankly I think it's tougher then being straight or gay, because it's just so ambiguous. No one else really gets you and you hardly ever get yourself. So ignore the label that does more harm then good and focus on just wanting what you want.
It isn’t your sexuality that is currently preventing your from dating however, it is your unhealthy preoccupation with this girl. My suggestion to solve that is this: Give it space and time. Cutting back your communication with her will make her less present in your life and less often on your mind.
I know that everyone says “We can still be friends!” and you can, but you’ll never be friends in quite the same way after a romantic feelings have been shot down. You can’t be the same kind of friends once the sexual tension has been labeled, and decided against. You absolutely must keep some emotional distance or you will never move on.
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The Question
Okay. I'm 17 & he's 39.
So i recently moved in with my dad & one of his friends & my dad's friend & i started talking & then we started texting. Now our relationship has gone further. We been kissing & having sex for over two months now! I don't feel bad about our age gap because i dont think that there's age for love. The thing is that his son knows & his ex wife thinks we are dating & she keeps threating to tell the police. I really do like him & he doesn't act anything like a 39 year old. I'm just not sure if our relationship is worth hiding until i'm 18 [in 84 days!] Sometimes its getting harder to hide it but i do want to be with him. I dont want to dissapoint my father but i think that he has an idea, sorta, about our 'friendship' [we stay up & play chess when my dad is home]. I just dont want to hurt people & i dont want people to think less of me because i'm with someone with a son. =/ & his son loves me & wants me with his dad. His son is going through a hard divorce [not literally since they were never married] & i help him out with his troubles. What should i do?
The Answer
Break it off, find another place to live if you must. Tell your father and ask for his help in breaking it off.
I do not say that because 'he's too old for you' I say it because I have seen this before, agian and agian and agian.
I can't tell you how many of my friends in thier late teens and early twenties fell in with 'older men going through a rough seperation' but I can tell you how many of them ended up happy about it: NONE.
Every single one of them who did the 'date a man who is recently divorced/seperating/in a loveless marriage, ended in tears for every girl I know.
It ended because they could not possibly be equal partners to these men. The men didn't want equals. They wanted a good time without adult issues and commitments mucking things up. As soon as my female friends needed anything from these guys besides a shoulder to lean on they disolved and fled, either back to thier wives, or too the next pretty young thing.
Go ahead and be honest with your father. Get the adult persecpective (meaning: adult protection and involvement) that you absolutely need. There is nothing legally his ex-wife can do about him dating a 17 year-old. It isn't illegal in any state.
So stop hiding and hoping the problems will solve themselves. Face them head on and deal with them. Most importantly, face the problems so you know if this guy will persever and respect you or if he will cut and run once you aren't the fun fantasy any more and being with you requires hard work.
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The Question
What do I tell people who keep bugging me about whether I got into my early decision college? I don't think it's nice for people to know about the fact that I applied because I eventually got rejected.. as I knew I would.. :`(
The Answer
Sadly darling, this is something you'll have to deal with the rest of your life. People will ask if you got that promotion at work, they will ask about your partner after you've divorced, they will nater on about babies after you've had three miscarriages... You have to have a thicker skin.
Yes, part of being mature is trying not to offend with your questions, but an even bigger part is learning not to be offended by well-meaning, but misguided, questions.
Most of them are probably just curious and want to celebrate with you, or make you feel better if you are down.
So you tell them either "No. I didn't" and shrug it off, or tell them "I rather not talk about it" and shrug it off, or lie and shrug it off.
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The Question
Well I am sexually active but I usually never let guys look down there cause I hate the skin around my vagina. It is irritated and purple, and almost bruised. I feel soo emarrassd and afraid that if a guy sees it he is going to be totally turned off by it.....
so I am not sure what to do. I do not have an STD i have gone to the gyno. It is only there because i am overweight and my thighs rub together causing the bruising and irritation.
My current b/f in dying to give me oral, but i won't let him cause of how it looks. What should i do!?!!?
The Answer
You have three options:
One. You may attempt to loose weight. If this means seeking medical or professional help to aid you, do so.
Two. You can tell your boyfriend honestly and openly what your concern is and why you will not allow him to perform oral. Even if he does understand and is respectful about it, it is still up to you if you are comfortable with it or not.
Three. You may continue to do nothing and refuse to let any guy see your vagina.
I would suggest both one and two. As you already know, three kinda stucks.
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The Question
im 16 and a junior in high school. i have this friend and she keeps sayin shes bi-sexual...but i think its just to get attention. she did the same thing last year then we everyone asked her if it was true she said no. now shes sayin shes bi again and i asked her if she cud she herself havin sex with another gurl and she didnt know wut to say. obviosuly if your bi then you can see your self with the opposite sex doin things that more then friends do. idk wut to do about all this. it just pisses me off becuz i think shes doin it for attention.
The Answer
Accept it and ignore it.
Sadly, being bi-sexual can be a bit difficult to pin down, although you might be perfectly right and she is simply attention seeking, consider how you are treating her is she is being honest about it. If she telling you the truth, or is generally confused about her sexuality, having her friends get angry with her must be very painful and discouraging.
Perhaps even more importantly, think of the message you are sending to the other people who know you: They could see you as being intolerant and unfriendly. People struggling with their own sexuality will see your response to your friend and feel scared and at risk if they come to you with the truth.
So accept it and ignore it. You don't need to be wildly supportive, just don't rise to the occasion. When she makes claims about her sexuality in public, politely change the subject.
In private, it's a different matter, as a friend you should listen to her as well as you can. What you are hearing as being 'faked' might just be her struggling to talk about it.
If she is merely looking for attention, the best thing you can do it not be constantly giving to her, not positively or negatively. Just listen, accept what she says and move on.
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The Question
I have wireless at my house. My boyfriend uses his computer and I have my own laptop. I noticed the other day that he had blocked a particular website. The only way I can get to it is by using a proxy. I've been using various proxy websites to access the blocked site. Is there any way that I can access the website without having to use ninjaproxy.com or proxy.org everytime?
Thanks!
The Answer
You could ask him why he has blocked and remove the block.
That really does seem like the best way to deal with this doesn't it?
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