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What should I do?
So in July of this year, my parents found out that me and my boyfriend had sex. But we lied about it for a few days but then i finally told my parents the truth because my dad threatened to but my boyfriend in jail. Im only 14. And hes 18. I know thats really bad, but i dont care about age. Especially now. We're supose to be going to court for this and have the judge decide what should happen, him going to jail for a few years, or probation, or even a restraining order. I dont want any of that to happen. I seriously love this guy. I dont care what my parents say, or think of it. I love him and I want to be with him! I love his family and his family love me, well right now they're are still kinda mad but they told me that they still love me, no matter what. So basically we are still together, but to my parents, we aren't. Every day, I miss him even more, there isn't one second that im not thinking about him. I cry myself to sleep, Im depressed, lonely, and hurt. I want to go to counseling but im afraid to tell my parents because they think im over him completely. But im not, I never will be. I never will forgive my parents about this, they ruined my life, my heart, and my trust. But lately its getting really bad. My depression. I don't have anyone really to talk to about this. Only his sister and two of my best friends. I know they can't help me, but at least they listen. I don' know what to do anymore, i know i can't move on. I've tried before, never worked. I don't want to live with my parnets anymore because i just keep things from them all the time, I want to be somewhere that i can actually express how i feel. And when i need to cry, ill cry instead of just letting it build up inside all day long and then crying myself to sleep at night. I just hope and wish that ill get a nice judge who will understand how we feel. I dont care that im 14 and i think im in love. I know i am. And if u say im not, then I DONT CARE. Because honestly, no one really knows how i truely feel about him, maybe 3 people, but they only know a little.
Anyways, I honestly don't know what to do anymore.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If you and he have both admitted to police that you have had sex, then theres nothing you can do, and he is probably completely fucked.
From this point on, say nothing. If you must speak, deny having had sex with him. The only way you can protect him is by not offering them evidence. Tell him the same, do not admit to anything.
If you are called to a Witness stand, refuse. They cannot physically force you to speak against him. Do not, regardless of the consequences for you, they will be far less than for him if he is found guilty.
He is staring a lifetime of sex offender registry and the complete inability to lead a normal life in the face. To the point where it would be advisable for him to leave the country rather than be a registered sex offender.
If by your silence you can prevent that, then be silent. If you offer no evidence theres a slight chance hope that everything will be OK.
Oh, and delete this question. Its evidence. So are any e-mails youve sent that discuss sex. Texts on your phone. Etc Etc.
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If you already chossen not to listen to reason, not to listen to your parents, the law, or anyone here... well, there isn't much you two can do but ride out this mess.
That will mean he will have to live through whatever the court decides and they will likely not 'understand how you feel'. His family will have to live through it as well. You will have to live through being without him, having your parents distrust you and lying to them.
You are fourteen so, you likely can't move out. You can cry yourself to sleep at night and lean on your friends. It's sucks yes, but unless you are willing to work hard to let go, you are going to have to work even harder to hold on.
You've made your choice hun. It came with serious consequences. For everyone.
The only solution to your pain would be to agree to not see him agian until you are of legal age. If you refuse that, there is nothing anyone here can do to help you but say kind things to you.
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Well, if you truly love him and he feels the same, then the only thing you can do is to wait until your relationship is no longer illegal.
Age doesn't matter with love, but it does matter to the judge. Legally it is statutory rape, even though you consented.
See, you are under the age of consent, so you can't consent to sex with a legal adult in the eyes of the law.
You have to follow the rules the judge sets. If you sneak off to go see him, then his trouble will only get deeper.
So the only option with that is if you love each other, you will wait for each other.
Now. You need to stop hiding things from your parents. If you need to seek counseling, you need to say so. If you keep hiding things from them, things will only get worse between you.
You show your maturity to your parents by showing that you are able to sit down and discuss issues in your life in a civil manner.
You have to stop thinking of it as them ruining your life, and understand that they are only doing what they think is in your best interests. That is their job. It may not have been what you wanted them to do, but they only did it because they care enough to do so.
You have to remember that, even though you don't believe it now, but boyfriends DO come and go. Your parents will be there for you until the day they die.
ygs-29/f
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Well I have to be honest with you. It is too bad that as you say "you don't care about age" because that is how you and your boyfriend got into this mess. And it is a real big mess, for him. You have no idea. Wait until you get to court, they don't even have to let you in, it may not matter at all that you say it was consensual. The judge can find your boyfriend guilty of statutory rape. And if you don't know what that is, that again is proof that you are too young to be engaging in sex. You say you love this boy, but by having sex with him, you have jeopardized him for the rest of his life. He may have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life. That means it will affect where he lives, and where he works for the rest of his life. He will be paying for your mistakes for the rest of his life. It is too bad that the two of you couldn't wait until you were 16. That would have been the mature thing to do, and it could have saved your relationship.
And now you are mad at your parents. You blame them for ruining your life and your relationship. They may have had a hand in it by not giving you enough information to make informed decision about being intimate with a boy at your age, but you made the decision to have sex. YOu say you know that it is really bad that there are 4 years difference between you and him, but you went ahead anyway. It is not OK for you to wish that you get a nice judge then sit around and feel sorry for yourself. You brought this all on yourself. You and your boyfriend too. He should have known better. I have to sons who are both over 18, and I tell them often, to never ever date anyone under 16. NEVER. Years ago young kids waited longer to have intimiate relationship. Now every young person can wait to have sex so they can feel grown up and in love, but this is what comes of young kids who get involved before they are mature enough to handle all the responsibilities that go along with intimacy. YOu need to stay away from that boy until you are 16. You need to not have sexual relationships with any other boy until you are 16, so that you don't end up in this same spot again. Please try to understand, I do sympathise with you. I just see that it could all have been avoided if your parents emphazied to you the importance of waiting. And if you could tell the difference from realling being in love and just being lonely and wanting to be held. But there are many adults who can't tell the difference in that, but at least they don;t end up in court. Sixteen is the magic age in most states. Please keep that in mind, and try to learn from this. It will be less painful.
Think of how that boy must be feeling, he is the one who may be going to jail. And I hope your parents are feeling guilty too. But regardless of how you feel about them right now, you still need them. I hope you all get through this, and learn from it. That is what painful lessons are for. Good luck to you
Michele
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