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My mom is mad because I went behind her back
When I moved into my dorm at college, there was this one time I went away to a party overnight without letting my mom know. I am a legal adult, but am home for the summer. She outright asked me if I'd done it and I admitted it. Yes I know I shouldn't have gone behind her back like that, but if I hadn't done that I wouldn't have been able to go. I'm never allowed to go to anything when I'm at home, whether it be a sleepover or even to stay at my bf's house. I've missed out on so many things because of mom being overprotective. She feels I betrayed her and says there will be "serious consequences" Can she really punish me for this? She has been good about letting my bf stay here and she says I'm unappreciative of all she does for me because of what I did. What do I do?
19/f
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You are a grown ass woman.
You should be allowed to go anywhere you want without your mother all in your face nagging you about it.
You are in COLLEGE making something of yourself.
You are independent. Your getting the appropiate education you got your diploma.
You should be able to handle your own responsibilities. She wont even let you go to your man house???
She needs to wake up and smell the coffee you are grown. Im sure you know whats good for you in your life!
Let her know you need your space and your are grown enough to go out and have fun without her being so overprotective!!!
and that you did not betray her, because you don't be nagging her and be all up in her business and dont let her leave the house
Hope i helped
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Ride it out, and go back to university knowing one of two things:
You either need to be totally honest with your mother and abide by her rules and values at all times.
OR
You need to not tell her things that will just piss her off.
This would not be my advice to a 16-year-old, but it is my advice to you.
You are now a young adult living in your mother's home. That means, while you are there, you must abide by her rules. For instance, I am 22 years old and I am not allowed to be with my boyfriend behind a closed door in my mom's home. That is a STUPID rule. I've lived outside of my mother's home for 5 years now, there aint nothing that could happen when a door closes that hasn't already. BUT it's her rule, so I don't do it. If she saw fit to ground me, or deny me use of the car while I was at home, I would just have to live with that.
While you are home right now, you are grounded and you will need to suffer through her 'consequences'. When you are in your dorm or apartment, live your life as you choose. If you seriously screw up, expect her to step in with some actually serious consequences, like calling the cops, ending her support of you, or sending you to rehab. Those sort of things are still her responsibility as a parent.
How you spend your time on Friday night, is not her responsibility, or frankly, any of her business.
If you can do this calmly, do tell her if you are going away overnight or for a few days and give her a number where you can be reached. If you cannot do that without her becoming irrational make sure that someone she has access too (your roommate, a floormate, a don or such) has the phone number where you can be reached and knows where you are expect back, That is common sense safety. Take care of yourself and party smart. Don't disappear with strangers or people you know to be irresponsible.
Just do your best, have some sensible fun and don't stress your mom out with the details.
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Your mom is overprotective, and she really believes that she is protecting you from some of the worse things that could happen. After all, if you thought she would have given her approval, you wouldn't have had to go behind her back. The damage is done for this blunder, all you can do now is try to work to get her trust back. It may seem like and pain, and that you shouldn't have to do it, but it is the only thing that will bring things back to the way they were. It is much better when you and your mom get along. What she needs to see is that you are making mature decisions about your life, who your friends are and what choices you make when she is not around to watch over you. Going to an all night college party is not a good idea, but you can't miss out on every one. Some are less crazier than others. It would be best if she thought that even if you did attend one of these parties, that she could trust you to not drink, not take drugs, be smart enough not to let yourself be drugged, and not engage in promiscuous sex. Having confidence in you is what will make the difference. Share with your mom your opinions on these kinds of things. If it is true that you are smart enough to not get caught up in these things, and you tell her that, she will believe you, and she will give you more freedom. Believe me, your mom knows that some day she will have absolutely no control over you and your decisions all. The sooner she knows that you are making smart and mature decisions, the sooner she will let go. NO one can protect their loved ones from every thing that can go wrong, but there are "stupid mistakes" and there are mistakes that are not our fault. YOu know,like going to the mall and getting shot by some idiot who had a fight with his girlfriend. That is something no one can protect their loved ones from. But there is so much bad publicity out there about teenage parties, especially on campuses, that it is no wonder that your mom is anxious about it. But some girls can manage to go to these parties and stay out of trouble Are you one of those girls? If you are, you can convince your mom more by being honest, than by being sneaky. Hope this helps.
Michele
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