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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
billy has a girlfriend of two years, but he hasn't always been the best with not cheating.
and this past weekend we hung out alone and he made a move, so i kinda responded.
we didnt get in each others pants..well..
but we did make out and ever since then it hasnt been the same so im not sure how to act.
he said nothing was going to change and he doesnt "like" me but wants me..and im not sure how to take it.
i mean i havent told him how i feel about him( i like the boy, pretty stupid yeah..i know) b/c im afraid to lose his friendship.
but i cant seem to forget about that night.
and i wish we had done more and he knows that..
so im aware he's completely playing me and stuff, but i just cant force myself to stop talking b/c we're soo close.
any ideas or just anything negative or not would help.
The Answer
Hun, this is what Billy has said to you.
"Hey! I totally don't like you rommantically, but I know you like me enough put out even though I have a girlfriend! So lets do it!"
He's a turd, who isn't playing just you. He has flat out told you he only wants you so long as you help him get off.
Stop telling him what you 'wish'. You are giving him the power to abuse you, and he has already proven that he is willing too use it.
Get the hell away from him and stop mucking around with other people's boyfriends. It NEVER makes for a happy ending.
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The Question
me & my boyfriend had just broken up, he said because he doesn't want me anymore.. which really hurt me, i started crying for 2 hours straight. then.. later on, he wanted to get back together with me.. but i told him it was kind of too late. and then i said if he wanted to, then i think it's best to be single for a while first. and he asked if we can still have the "no talking to opposite sex promise".. because he's scared he'll loose me to another guy. and i told him that i think it's best if we can talk to the opposite sex to be able to trust each other. and he said "forget it, we're not gonna get back together then." and it's very frustrating, because i need some time to think it over if i should or not, and he rushes me. and then, he got mad at me because i added guys on myspace, when we went single.. because i first saw myself off of his, and had a girl comment him. so i thought he added all the girls back, then i added all the guys back. and he got mad at me when we were single.. and he told me that he was gonna delete me out of his life and burn everything and etc. and then he said all of these harsh things to me and stuff. and then he called me so i had to pick up, and he was crying.. and he said "why'd you do this to me?" and he also said "i hate my life because of you" and all this stuff, which made me cry because he was crying really hard. and he asked to start over with me, but i told him i needed some time to think about things, and he finally gave me time to think it all through. and he said it was his fault for breaking up with me in the first place.
and yesss.. we did have alot of difficulties in our relationship, that's why i said we should be single for a while till we're ready to start over.. and to talk to the opposite sex while we wait, but he doesn't wanna do the opposite sex.
so what should i do? i don't know what to do anymore.. i'm very confused. PLEASE HELP ME! i'm stuck in between. i wanna be with him, but yet.. yeahh..
The Answer
What you *should* do, is percisely what you have. You've stuck to what you know to be rational and reasonable even in the face of his abuse and bullying.
This relationship has too many difficulties for a teenage relationship. You aren't going to spend the rest of your life with someone who is so controlling, or someone with whom you have no mutual trust.
Make a clean break. Period. You don't really want to be with him do you? It might seem nice in theory, but you know that is sort of sucks in reality.
Be honest, and be harsh. If he keeps hoping, he'll keep hounding you. Remove the drama from your life.
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The Question
Okay I already know this girl isn't my friend because she always likes the guys I like. And I finally found this AMAZING beyond awesome guy. And I'm super shy, and she know's he likes me & I like him. But now she talks to him ALL THE TIME. And I havn't asked her if she likes him, but like I just know it. And now, she's like, pretending to be me and like the same things as me and asking me like "what kind of music do you like?" "What are you talking to _____ about?!" and I'm like going crazy. I'm so shy, and he wants me to talk to him but I want him to talk to me. But then this girl, my so called friend like keeps purposly messing it up by telling me like "Oh you shouldn't talk to him, he said he's not in the mood" even though that was a complete LIE. What do you think I should do?
The Answer
Ignore her.
It's not her fault you are shy, and it's not against the rules for her to be flirting with this single guy... It's not nice that she is a game-player, but when you listen to her and let her actions effect your confidence and your choices, you are just playing the game with her!
Stop playing. Take baby steps in talking to this guy and interacting with him. You have to take a risk to get a reward, so don't just wait passively for him to come to you.
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The Question
15.f
i like a guy.
i am friends with two of his friends, guy A and guy B.
i am considering telling either guy A or guy B about my crush for several reasons. firstly, i could get the inside scoop on my crush's life. secondly, i can get advice from them on how to go about becoming friends with my crush without being obvious.
"why don't you just gradually start talking to your crush more instead of risking him finding out from your friends and getting into all this hassle?" you might be asking. but the answer is simply that i'm scared. please note: do not give me advice on how i should be more confident, etc. or i'll rate lower.
i've come to the conclusion that i'm much better friends with guy A than guy B.
i want to find out how i can test guy A to see if i can trust him with something like this or not. please do not suggest "tell them a fake secret and see if they tell!"
i was planning on just being like, "yo, i kinda like this guy and idk what to do. can you help me?" -- if guy A responds like, "oh do this..." then i don't have to worry about telling guy A the name of who i like. but in case guy A is like some people, and gets very angry with me that i won't tell guy A, i'll be forced to tell guy A and i don't want to be in such an awkward position cause i don't want to lose my friendship with guy A.
summary: how do you know when you can fully trust someone when you're in the transitional stage between acquaintance / sorta friends to good friends with them?
The Answer
Thing is, you never really know for sure.
You could be friends with someone for years, they still might betray your trust. Friendship is always a risk.
It comes down the same problem you are having with your actual crush: You are scarred and looking for the perfect answer on how to get what you want without taking risks.
There are no perfect answers. Most of the time, you just have to risk it in order to move forward.
If you think you can trust A, take the plunge and give it a try.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I are expecting a baby in July, it will be the first child for both of us. It was totally unexpected, we had only been together a few months when we found out I was pregnant. We are both 27 and really not where we wanted to be in life when we started a family, but are still both excited and want to do everything we can to give this child a great life. There is one thing, my boyfriend has no real work experience. He worked delivering pizzas for a few months, but he isn't working anymore. I know it's hard to find jobs in this area, and with not much experience, but I am very worried about the strain this is putting on our relationship, and for when the baby is here. I work full time and have my own apartment, a very small apartment, that's another thing, if he had income we could move into a better place. I blame things on him a lot, because I am carrying this baby and working full time, and he isn't. Sometimes I think positive, like as long as I know I'm doing all I can, and he is actually looking for employment, but a lot of the times I think really negatively and believe I will not be able to stay with him if he doesn't find work. I don't think it's fair really, and I don't want to put myself in a position where I have to do everything myself, not if we are together, so it makes me think sometimes that we shouldn't stay together. He says I should believe in him and believe things will work out, but it's hard at this point, I'm due in a little over 3 months and I'm stuck in this tiny apartment with little income. I'm just looking for some advice, and maybe a good way to start a conversation with him about how much this affects me, because I am kind of quiet and don't always know how to express my feelings and explain things that are bothering me. It is really making me sad and overwhelmed because I don't know how to handle the situation. I would rather my child had two parents that are in a relationship, but sometimes I don't see how that can be.
The Answer
Don't beat yourself up for 'thinking negatively' when you are in fact thinking realistically. Your belief that you can probably not stay with him if he doesn't contribute is bang on. You wont be able too.
You can't support him, and a child. You don't want too.
You aren't the only one who needs to be doing all you can. He needs to do all he can as well.
With those thoughts in mind, take a deep breath and talk to him REALISTICALLY, not NEGATIVELY. No blame, no yelling, just a frank statement of the facts:
"I fell you aren't working as hard as you could be at finding a job."
"I'm scarred."
"I'm angry."
"No matter how much I love you, I can't stay with you if you don't contribute financially."
“It is impossible for this to continue once the baby is here, and I feel we are running out of time to deal with these issues.”
Then finally "I need to know you understand what I am saying and I want to hear what your plan is to deal with some of the problems we are facing."
Give him a fair chance to speak, and listen with an open mind. I would suggest giving him a firm deadline, such as: You must submit 30 resumes in the next 2 weeks and call each place back. (30 is perfectly fair number in my mind).
Any money is good money. Even if it is just flipping burgers at McDonalds.
Your job now is to make sure he is perfectly clear in his understanding that this needs to change. If after those two weeks he has not completed his said task (ie, 30 resumes or finding a job) starting looking for alternate arrangements for you and your child. Moving back home, or accessing social services for single mothers. Don’t keep on hoping he’ll change until it is to late. Discover your options.
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The Question
im thirteen & im not like super worried about this but i have small boobs & they havent grown in like four months. is this my final cup size? (34) im just worried. i dont want small boobs at all. so is this all im gonna be? cuz i see no signs of growing, it sucks!
The Answer
I have no idea, my crystal ball has been on the fritz since 1998.
You are still young. They might grow, they might not.
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The Question
I am a 22 year old female & I'm having a huge delimma. Ok so I started hanging out with this girl let's call her Jill ... she is married to let's say Bob. I been hanging out over there for about 3 months. Jill has 4 kids && only 2 of them are Bob's but he is not certain because Jill just revealed that the youngest one might not be his. I cant lie I have been attracted to Bob since the first day I met him but HE IS MARRIED. I know it's wrong. Jill has cheated on him so much ... just within the last 3 months she has revealed stuff to me that I could not even grasp, stuff that you dont do when you are married && in love. Only she doesn't love him she just wants him to be in love with her while she is out sleeping with other people. She wants to be happy but will do everything to make sure he isnt. Well I went to his work to get some stuff && sent him a text message. He thought it was Jill trying to set him because they just had a fight. Well we met up, talked, kissed, && now he has moved all his stuff out of their house, took the 2 kids that he thinks is his, && is buying a new house. If we are not hanging out we are on the phone or texting each other. I know this is wrong but I cant help the way I feel. This is not the first time they split so I dont feel as if this is my fault. I kinda look at it as fate ... they broke up before && if he left && didnt come back he wouldn't of met me. What do I do? Should I leave him alone or jump in the fire?
The Answer
You cannot justify your cheating with Bob just because Jill did it. But that is done and over with now. You can’t change what you did, or what you feel, but you are an adult so you MUST behave responsibility.
You know it is wrong and you have an idea that what you are doing is still wrong, but you keep making excuses. You are justifying. Justifying will make you feel better. It will not make it less wrong.
Their marriage problems are not your fault of course, but you are making the situation worse by 1.) putting yourself in a vulnerable relationship which is not being set up on a firm foundation to succeed, and 2.) Distracting Bill from dealing fully with his failed marriage and focusing on his main responsibilities which is the making a clean break from his marriage and taking care of his children.
At very least you should speak to him less, and take things very, very slowly. Although it would probably be best if you took at least a fourth month break from contact with him. He has adult responsibilities that you currently cannot help him with, you are only just an adult yourself! In fact, there is a good chance you will be a negative part of this situation and a detriment to the things Bob needs to take care of like his responsibility to break from his wife in a mature and respectful way, and to support and express the new situation to his children in a way that makes them feel loved and secure.
Although you want to support him, as a romantic partner you can’t possible be a positive element of this mess, and in your heart you know this.
Be mature, be adult and abandoned your person pleasure for the sake of the health and happiness of others. You know you are not a positive part of this situation right now. Take yourself out of it.
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The Question
What is wrong with guys...? Why are most guys that I meet immature jerks? Why do they feel the need to have a million girls at once and cannot commit to anything? Also why do guys act differently around their friends than around you and that their friends are sometimes more important.
I am asking this because my friends ex and his friends have been acting this way for a very long time and I just don't know why they think they can get away with it...it doesn't make any sense to me that this happens...
Guys please don't get offended. I am not talking about all guys...just a lot of the one's I have met.
The Answer
Why are you allowing this to be your problem?
Some guys, and girls for that matter, engage in petty and immature behavoir. The correct response is too have as little to do with them as possible. Delving into 'why' they behave this way isn't going to help you any. It doesn't matter if they are insecure, or frightened or suffering under peer preasure, none of that changes the end result of them behaving like a jerk. So, just stop dealing with them.
If they aren't a possitive element of your life, why do you allow them to consume so much time and mental energy? Why are get upset over something you can't change?
He's an ex afterall. Let him be an ex. Ignore him and let it go.
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The Question
this might sound a little sick but what is vagina actually supposed to taste like? my boyfriend wants to eat me out but i have a feeling it will taste weird for him. so can someone tell me what it is supposed to taste like, sour, sweet, salty??
The Answer
Every woman tastes a bit different and diet has a bit to do with it. It certainly does taste a bit wierd at first, but that would be about HIS inexperience with the taste, not anything to do with YOU.
If you are healthy (and you have had a check-up and gyno exam right? because if you are even considering becoming sexually active you should first) you just have to trust that whatever you taste like, it is all right.
You could also give it a quick try yourself. Seriously. It's just a mucus, like snot or spit, and you swallow lots of both of those each day. Irrational inhibitions are unhealthy. Harmless curiosity isn’t.
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The Question
I've recently noticed a boost of confidence in my boyfriend. This has in turn caused me to be more physically attracted to him than I've ever been. I've always been physically attracted to him but recently, I can't seem to take my hands off him. He has noticed and is quite fond of me acting this way towards him but is also asking questions. I'mnot sure if I should tell him why I've been acting this way. His confidence started whenhe got his hair cut...it was quite drastic. Is it okay to tell him that the confidence boost is the cause? More than just being generally confident, he's found confidence in his...member as well. This of course is a turn on but I'm not sure if it'san appropriate topic to share with men
The Answer
Shesh, if that isn't what you share with men, what do you share?
Tell him "Hey, when you feel better about yourself, I dig you more. It's just natural." or something to that effect. Everyone knows confidence is sexy. Why would you pretend it isn't?
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The Question
Ok im in 7th grade (13/f) and i cant do fractions. i mean like 4th grade stuff. and iv told my math teacher and he makes no attempt to help. well now im in Gate way to Tech. and i thought it would be about..well tech. and it ends up being about fractions and measurement.(and i cant do that) and he keeps trying to make me get the point. but all hes doing is makeing me feel stupid cause he says the stuff in front of my friends, when he knows i dont get it. then today in class he was trying again and this time i broke. i started tearing up and he just kept going. and by then like everyone in class was looking. and my friends were like are you ok and he was like she needs to learn this. and then when he was done. i was like almost sobbing. but the tears were just rolling. and i was like can i go to the bathroom. and he let me. but this teacher doesnt get it. he doesnt know my past with learning. he doesnt get that i can only push myself so far. then my english teacher say i was crying and was like you need to get this math down blah blah blah. so she was going to call my mom and tell her about it when its not her concern. when i push myself too far i get panic attacks. like 3-7 a day. and i just got over that.
so please help. what do i do?
The Answer
You need extra help.
Because, no matter how bad your teachers approach is, he is right, you do NEED to learn that. Basic fractions are very important. So is passing classes.
Telling yourself over and over again that you CAN'T do something, is a good way to help out a panic attack. You start thinking the same horrible thoughts over and over again, you get stuck and you panic. I did it to myself for years. Sometimes I still do.
Part of what you need to do, is start telling yourself that you can do it, you just need to go slowly.
Get a tutor, an older student, or a different math teacher, to start going over the basics with you. Devote yourself to pushing yourself a bit, because if you don't you'll just stay paralyzed by fears and 'I Can't!' thoughts.
If you keep saying ‘I can’t!’ or ‘It’s too hard!’ or ‘I’m going to panic!’ then you wont get it, it will be too hard, and you will panic.
When people, like your math teacher and English teachers see that you don’t want to work at it, and that you are stuck in ‘I can’t’s they get upset and angry with you. That might not be fair or nice of them, but a lot of people, like professors and bosses might not be nice or fair either. That will be what happens in the universe if you can’t find ways to deal with your anxiety and negative thoughts. Nobody likes a quitter, and that is what you look like when you say ‘I can’t!’. What you need to say is ‘I can do this! I just don’t understand yet. Please help me.’ And you need to say it calmly. If one teacher doesn’t listen, go find another who will.
I know it’s hard. I know sometimes you’ll fail and panic anyways, but if you don’t try, you’ll never get any better and you won’t just never learn fractions, you’ll also never do dozens of other things that upset or scare you. It’s no good living that way. You have to try to fix this and that means pushing yourself and looking for extra help.
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The Question
my bf and i are best friends and i love him but we keep having problems. first things have been a little rocky because im moving faaar away in June. like a 2 day drive away. the problem now tho is that i went to where im gonna live soon to look at houses and schools and stuff with my parents for a week and his phone is broken (just broke last week a couple days before i left state) he called me on his friend's phone on friday and tried to get in touch through IM but i didnt have a computer. and he emailed Sunday but never replied to my email (i borrowed my friends computer) the last couple days i have tried really hard to get in touch and now it seems he doesnt care. he didnt email me or call on his brother's phone or his mom's or dad's. he had options and he didnt do anything. he is in school so during the day he couldnt do anything but w/e. idk why but he and i keep having problems! he keeps doing things like this that make it seem like he doesnt care. every other week i am upset because he acts like he doesnt care!!
i know i might seem a little extreme but we are in a serious relationship and the last time i talked to him for real was last Tuesday! he called on Friday but we only talked for like 5-10 minutes. we didnt even really talk either. he had opportunities and i tried very hard to get in touch. and Monday was our 3 month anniversary and he forgot. it just seems like i put out more effort than he does.
i have high expectations and im willing to wait for a guy who can reach those and i always thought he could but now idk.
i called him on his brothers phone finally today and he has a really hard test that he knows nothing about and he did reeeally bad on his last test in that class and he didnt study at all before tonight apprently so he was like i cant talk i will call you some time tomorrow. and im on break and we were supposed to hang out and i cant go see him if he doesnt call me until tomorrow because then its too late my mom needs more notice than that. and i am going through a REALLY hard time moving and everything and i need him to be here for me. im stressed out! i cant keep having these problems but i love him!
please help me! i dont know what to do. today when he was like i'll call you tom i was like fine and he said bye and then i hung up. then i cried. it hurts me when he acts like he doesnt care and i understand that he had a test but he couldnt even email me and we havent talked in forever and i always make time for him. he always says he cares but idc what he says i care about what he does. and right now he isnt showing it at all. he says he doesnt want a break and all this will make us stronger but its not normal for us to always have problems. we used to never have problems. i know hes a great guy and i really do love him but hes not giving me what i want and what i give him. please give me some advice and i need as much as i can get!
im sorry this is so long but im really upset and torn. thank you SO much! i will rate for all your help :)
The Answer
Relax a bit, and think about this calmly.
He forgot your three month anniversary?
Did you tell him this was really important to you?
Because if you didn't, you should forgive him. A three-month isn't a big deal unless you decide it is and if you felt it was really important to you then you had to let him know it! Lots, if not most people would not make a big deal about a three-month anniversary. It's not a given. He really needed to be told firmly that it was important.
I’ve never celebrated a three-month anniversary myself. Three months is still a very early stage in a serious relationship.
If you did let him know it was a big deal to you, then fine, he forgot and he’s a dummy! You should tell him so, and then try to forgive him.
I honestly don't feel he is speaking to you too little. I know you do, but a short conversation and an e-mail while you are a state away is perfectly sufficient in my estimation. It’s not like you aren’t coming back this time. Especially if he is stressing about school AND you are stressed out AND there are phone problems.
It’s okay that you think he should be trying harder, you can tell him that, but if you DEMAND that he try harder, he’s going to get offended. He would have every right to. You don’t know what is going on in his life right now. If you love him, you should give him the benefit of the doubt, and believe he is trying as best he can.
It's okay to have high expectations, but you are going to be consistently disappointed if you have unrealistic expectations and if you cannnot find it in yourself to forgive small slights and struggles.
Take a deep breath and separate your stress about the move from the stress about the boyfriend. Although it’s true he should be supportive (and from what you have said it sounds like he IS supportive) he doesn’t need to hold your hand through every bump in the road. You have to deal with some of your stress and unhappiness by yourself, just by pulling up your socks and getting through it. When you finally do move he isn’t going to be available at the drop of a hat either. You are both going to need to adjust to this new mode of communication if you expect this relationship to last.
By all means when you get back talk to him calmly about your feelings of being neglected, but don’t be demanding about it, just be clear about what you would like, and listen to what he would like and thinks is reasonable. Have some sympathy for his struggles and some willingness to compromise with him. Be merciful. Be supportive. Be open to listening to him.
Remember, you aren’t the only one with needs.
In the end, if you two can’t meet each others needs, then you’ll need to part ways.
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The Question
im 16 and ive had depression for about 6 months and it has just gotten gradually worse. I have been seeing a therapist once a week for about the past 4 months and now she said that i should try anti depressants. my mom called another doctor who can presribe me the medication but im not sure when my appointment or if the doctor called back. Im really scared about taking the meds. but im at the point where I just want to be happy again. Ive been looking up on the internet about the medication and it says some of the side affects is weight gain. I really dont want to gain weight since im self concious to begin with. Are all anti depressents commonly diagnosed to teens have this side affect? if it comes down to it i dont know what i should choose... be happy and gain weight.. or be sad and stay the same
this is all too much for me to handle
advice is needed !
The Answer
Although the advice you've recieved before is correct, that therapists have no medical diploma, that is why you've been refered to a doctor, who does.
Using the 'right medication' is often trial and error. You might need to try more then one, or try out different doses, before you find the mix that works properply for you.
Although weight gain is a side effect of anti-depressants, it's not the most common of them.
Just keep this in mind as you make the foray into mood-altering drugs: They don't fix you. They teach you what it means to feel normal. They help you see past the illness intellectually so that you can begin to gain the tools to defeat it.
Try everything once is my motto. Medication has been a great tool in my life. Although it is a rather extreme measure, it can be a great tool in yours too. Give it a chance and pay attention to what happens.
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The Question
ok so first off i'm an 18 year old guy. i've been in a relationship with my dream girl for now 7 1/2 months. she's 17. she's the first girlfriend that i've ever had. before me she dated a guy for 7 months, they broke up about a year and a 1/2 ago, but that was pretty much it for her. we're both deeply in love with each other. before her i was depressed and miserable but she changed all that and since we've been together i'm happier than i ever could've imagined. i know that she's really happy with me too. so basically we can't get enough of each other. something that has really been getting to me lately is the issue of sex. in 7 1/2 months we haven't done anything sexual at all, no blowjobs, no handjobs or anything like that. i kind of thought that was a good thing for the first couple months because we were able to make something great together without sex or anything but lately it's been getting to me. i'm really sexually attracted to her and it's just driving me crazy. i know that she's strongly attracted to me too, she's said so and i'm exactly her type. we've both sent each other alot of nude pictures and there was no big deal about it. i feel completely comfortable sending them to her and she feels the same. we do touch each other alot, not sexually however. for example, sometimes we'll just lay on her bed for 4 hours snuggling up with each other really tight just talking about how much we love each other and stuff. we have this thing where we tickle each other alot. we tickle bare skin like the stomach, back, and she likes tickling my "man boobs". she also likes giving me wedgies. she's jokingly admitted that the whole wedgy thing is just an excuse to touch my ass. lately all that touching stuff has intensified. i get the feeling that i really need to do something. i know that alot of the time sex is bad for young couples but its been 7 1/2 months and we've made such a solid foundation already without it. i don't really want to go into like real sex until maybe prom night, which is in 2 months. i want our first time to be special and romantic. i do want to do some of the other stuff though. i want to go down on her so badly because i feel like she deserves it and i want to make her feel good. i don't even want a blowjob or anything else all that badly because i just want to make her feel good. she has told me that her ex went down on her while they were dating but she never had sex with him, she's still a virgin like me. it's embarassing to say but i know how to do all of the stuff because i looked it up online. there are alot of times when we have the opportunity to do stuff, both our parents work alot. i really don't know how to even get into that situation. people have said to just kind of "explore" while we're making out and go from there. i'm kind of an awkward kid and i'm somewhat unconfident and very scared of failure even though i've gotten all the info i need from websites and friends, both male and female. so if anyone could help me out i would much appreciate it. i know i probably sound weird but i'm just really confused about the whole thing.
The Answer
Please use paragraph breaks. This question is an eye-sore without them. I almost rejected it simply because it was so unpleasant to read. You'll get better advice if you make your question more readable.
Also, using question marks would help people realize exactly what you are asking. You don't actually ask any questions here I can answer... that makes this hard.
I'm not going to tell you how to have sex. As you said, there are plenty of websites that will give you pointers.
This is what you need to do now:
TALK TO HER.
Put that 'solid foundation' you've built to good use and talk to her about what you see happening, what you would like, how you feel about it and how you would like it to happen.
Although 'surprising her' or 'just exploring' while making out sounds spontaneous and romantic, it also sets you up for waaaay to much stress and failure.
Explaining to her what you intentions are, and talking about your fears (and hers) will let you actually move forward with this.
Spontaneity is for people with a good sexual 'vocabulary', not for beginners. Beginners need to talk openly with one another, a lot, before and during any sexual act.
Your next step is not moving her hands to _____ or taking off her clothes. Your next step is telling that you would like to do those things, or would like her do to those things now and making sure the two of you are on the same page.
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The Question
My child makes comments like, "that person on TV is better than you at ..blank.., "you smell, you are the ugliest, I missed my cat more when I was gone. He prefers to be with his dad more than me, he takes his side, and comments that he would save his dad first and a toss up between me and the cat. What is up? I am about as normal a parent as it gets. No neglect, no physical abuse, no psychological abuse, no other priorities. Are kids just mean today and tell you all they think or is he just displaying his "love" in an awkward way. By the way, I am the parent that says yes to McDonald's, walmart shopping etc.
The Answer
Set some bounderies.
Parenting is not a popularity contest, let him natter on about the cat all he wants but name calling is NOT OKAY BEHAVOIR and must have consequences.
It doesn't matter if all the other kids are telling thier mothers off, he shouldn't be doing that to you, and there is no awkward love in disrespect. If he doesn't know that, you need to teach him that, not put up with it.
Your son doesn't have to like you all the time, but he does have to respect you. Tell him as much.
If he continues to name-call, you or others, create consequences for that behavoir and stand by them. No desert. No shopping. No internet. No TV.
He will fight back, and he will fight back hard if you develope a backbone in dealing with him, but you are the adult and can hold on longer then he can. Make him stop name-calling, or make him miserable. That is what consequences are for.
I will tell you this: I dumped a guy flat out when heard him call his mother an idiot and a whore on the phone. Anyone who thinks that kind of behavoir is okay, is not someone I want in my life. I am far from alone in that opinion.
You aren't doing him any favors by allowing this to continue.
Don't be your sons pal and don't compete for his affections: Be a mom. Be someone he can respect even when he is screaming 'I hate you!' and slamming the door. It's harder in the short run, but more rewarding in the long run.
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The Question
I feel really embarrassed for my lack in knowledge here but.. would someone please exaplin whats going on? Why are we boycotting the olympic games and whats all this talk about them constantly on the TV? I don't need a link.. I need a simple, short explanation, and I would be really glad if I got it.. I feel bad for not knowing what's going on, and I would like to understand it. Thankss.
The Answer
Sadly, your question is a bit like asking 'So, what's going on in Iraq?' There really isn't a quick simple explanation... but I'll try my best.
China claims Tibet as their rightful territory and part of their country. Currently every country in the world recognizes China's sovereignty over Tibet. Many Tibetans however, do not. They perceive their homeland as being 'occupied' by the Chinese. The Dalai Lama is the head of the Tibetan government-in-exile and does not reject China’s sovereignty over Tibet, merely stats that China needs to obey Human Rights laws as set out by the UN, and recognize Tibet right to some degree of self-government.
China is controlled by a single communist government. That means they have only one political party. This party controls the information available to its citizens, and historically, has made many Human Rights violations and engaged in some pretty barbaric treatments of prisoners. Many Tibetans claim that those violations continue. Recently they have been protesting both the Chinese 'occupation' of Tibet, and the Human Rights violations.
These protests have turned violent. China claims that the Dalia Lama has encouraged this violence and that the protestors are the ones beginning the violence. In light of their past Human Rights violations, many people do not believe the office Chinese government’s version of events.
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The Question
I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend on march 9th. He withdrew and didnt cum in me. His precum should be clean bc he did not previously ejaculate and he went to the bathroom beforehand. A few days later we did it again and withdrew that time as well. We did it a third time a few days later and this time i took a Plan B pill the next day just to be safe. I usually get my period about the first of every month. Its usually a regular cycle and it stays the same. I should be getting it in the next 5 days. Im totally worried. It seems like Im having the early symptoms too. Im not sure if im imagining it though. Maybe Im just paying closer attention. The symptoms i have are the sore breasts, frequent urination, headache, nausea, and fatigue. Note: Im also getting over being sick and the nausea is only my stomach feeling queasy. And my stomach hurting has been hurting on and off since before the time we had sex. We havent done it before the 9th and we havent done anything that would get me pregnant before then either. I dont know if Im pregnant or not. Are my chances really high?
Also I dont want any answers saying how stupid we are and lectures. Whats done is done. I just want advice.
The Answer
Stop worrying so much AND USE PROTECTION NEXT TIME.
It's not a lecture, it's just what you need to do, because this kind of stress is simply not worth it.
Yes, it's quite possible that you are pregnant, but you also might not be. The best thing you can do is simply relax and wait it out. Stressing yourself out isn't going to make you 'less pregnant' if you are.
If your period is three days late, take a home pregnancy test.
In the meantime, think seriously about how you can avoid this situation in the future. Educate yourself on condom use, local planned parenthoods, and the law regarding Plan B use in your area. There is no reason you have to take this risk if you are going to have sex.
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The Question
My dad is an alcoholic and he won't listen to me when I try to tell him he needs to quit or hes it goign to die from drinking and driving or other horrible things I can't even imagine! How do I tell him?
The Answer
You can't make him stop.
You can tell him how you feel about it, but you can't make him stop.
He's an adult and he's made a choice. It's a horrible choice, but it's his to make.
If you suspect he is drinking drunk, call the cops and give them the plates on the car.
If he is treating you poorly while drunk, leave the room, or the house if you can.
You can't save him. You can't make him choose to save himself. You can only take care of yourself.
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The Question
Alright so I have been dating this guy Adam for like a year and a half and we're engaged and have been for a little over 4 months. I love him with all of my heart and I would never hurt him. I also have this other friend Oryan who I don't get see that often. Friday night Adam was busy so I went out to hang out with Oryan. We were sitting in his car having this really intense heart to heart and I was tlaking about all this hard stuff I've been going through and he was talking about his grandfather that just died and then next thing I know he came over and kissed me. I kissed him back, not thinking at all, it ws just a reflex and then I pushed him away. He knew of Adam and said sorry and that was that. Well, my guilt built up and I ended up telling Adam this very story last night and he clearly freaked out. He told me he still loves me and wants to be with me but he has no trust and me and no respect for me. I told Oryan not to talk to me anymore and I need to get Adam's trust back. I don't know how and I don't know how to tell him that it really was nothing. He thinks I have feelings for Oryan and says he doesn't know how many other guys I've done this with. How can I get his trust back and make him see that I love him? Please help, my heart is so broken.
The Answer
Stay calm, and stick to the truth. You told him what happened. You told him everything you feel about it. There is nothing else to tell except to keep answering his questions honestly when he asks them.
There is nothing else you can do. Adam will simply need to decide if he can let this go and trust you agian or if he can't. The only thing you can do to help him is be honest.
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The Question
Hey all, Siren here. For once I need YOUR help. Quick request - PLEASE give me as many ideas as you can, and as much help as you can. I'm getting desperate.
Okay. I live in an on-campus apartment with three other girls, Lacy, Chelsea, and "Chelsea2". I've never really gotten along with girls, they strike me as false and materialistic, and it drives me insane. (Not that I don't enjoy fuzzy things and shiny things, but still.) I'm having a number of problems with these...girls...but the biggest issue is that they all hate me for absolutely no reason.
Not to mention the fact that there's no room in the fridge for my food - out of everyone here, I'm the only one who actually watches what she eats (and I have to, if I don't eat right for a day I lose 5 pounds).
Lacy constantly bashes my race/religion (I'm Jewish by blood) even after I've told her it bothers me and asked her to stop. Her response was "I'll stop when you start doing chores." We don't have "chores". We're adults, or at least we should be.
Chelsea always assumes that I'm eating her food - she and I both drink whey protein shakes. There was a note on hers this morning saying "Don't drink my protein shakes, get your own!" when my container of protein powder was sitting right there.
Chelsea2 has randomly decided to pretend I don't exist, so simply put, I'm miserable.
Now, I've convinced my mother to help me move off campus once this year lease is up, and I'm currently apartment-hunting, and have found a definite possibility. It's $759 a month for 1 bed 1 bath, and my mom's paying something like $680 a month for a 4-person apartment where I'm miserable. Everything about this off campus place is better (except me paying for things). Only problem is my mother WILL not help me plan ahead.
I'm looking NOW because I want to be ready to LEAVE in three or four months, however long I have. She doesn't seem to understand that to be gone then, I have to have a plan asap. My plan involves her because sadly I'm not rich or famous yet. If it was up to me I'd have been gone months ago.
Not to mention the fact that I have major sleep issues, and being surrounded by people who hate me doesn't help. My parents are paying for an ambien prescription, which they might be able to stop doing were they to let me move.
Anyway. Any help you can give me in relation to my mom issue or the roommate issue would be amazing.
-Siren =(
The Answer
You haven't been to clear about what it is you need from your mother, or what it is she is not helping you with.
Plan yourself. Then ask for her imput on the plan.
Planing yourself involves knowning exactly when your lease is up, what your responsibilty in leaving that lease is, having a budget for the next school year, and working to make up the difference in that budget if nessicary.
It also means knowing how much money you need to ask your mother for, if you need her help in signing any leases or bank statements and then ASKING her for that help.
She can't that part for you. She can't even help with a lot of the parts I mentioned above. You have to go to her with the details and with specific questions like.
Will you co-sign for me?
Will commit to giving me this much towards rent?
Although you are right that you need to be planning now, you need to also understand that those plans will probably shift in the next few months. Your mother might be prepared for that. You should be as well.
If this is not the advice you are looking for, you need to be more specific about what points your mother needs to be more supportive on.
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