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My bf keeps hurting me acting like he doesnt care
my bf and i are best friends and i love him but we keep having problems. first things have been a little rocky because im moving faaar away in June. like a 2 day drive away. the problem now tho is that i went to where im gonna live soon to look at houses and schools and stuff with my parents for a week and his phone is broken (just broke last week a couple days before i left state) he called me on his friend's phone on friday and tried to get in touch through IM but i didnt have a computer. and he emailed Sunday but never replied to my email (i borrowed my friends computer) the last couple days i have tried really hard to get in touch and now it seems he doesnt care. he didnt email me or call on his brother's phone or his mom's or dad's. he had options and he didnt do anything. he is in school so during the day he couldnt do anything but w/e. idk why but he and i keep having problems! he keeps doing things like this that make it seem like he doesnt care. every other week i am upset because he acts like he doesnt care!!
i know i might seem a little extreme but we are in a serious relationship and the last time i talked to him for real was last Tuesday! he called on Friday but we only talked for like 5-10 minutes. we didnt even really talk either. he had opportunities and i tried very hard to get in touch. and Monday was our 3 month anniversary and he forgot. it just seems like i put out more effort than he does.
i have high expectations and im willing to wait for a guy who can reach those and i always thought he could but now idk.
i called him on his brothers phone finally today and he has a really hard test that he knows nothing about and he did reeeally bad on his last test in that class and he didnt study at all before tonight apprently so he was like i cant talk i will call you some time tomorrow. and im on break and we were supposed to hang out and i cant go see him if he doesnt call me until tomorrow because then its too late my mom needs more notice than that. and i am going through a REALLY hard time moving and everything and i need him to be here for me. im stressed out! i cant keep having these problems but i love him!
please help me! i dont know what to do. today when he was like i'll call you tom i was like fine and he said bye and then i hung up. then i cried. it hurts me when he acts like he doesnt care and i understand that he had a test but he couldnt even email me and we havent talked in forever and i always make time for him. he always says he cares but idc what he says i care about what he does. and right now he isnt showing it at all. he says he doesnt want a break and all this will make us stronger but its not normal for us to always have problems. we used to never have problems. i know hes a great guy and i really do love him but hes not giving me what i want and what i give him. please give me some advice and i need as much as i can get!
im sorry this is so long but im really upset and torn. thank you SO much! i will rate for all your help :)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
sure, you may love him, but you could love anybody (not trying to be mean)
there are some people that just aren't meant for you, and i think he might be one of them.
and considering you're only on 3 months and that he couldn't even remember, i'd say you should take a break. i'm not saying permanently break up unless that works better for you.
just take time for yourself. you can't give him your all and get nothing in return, because from experience, it's not worth it.
you'll move on. you'll find someone better. you said yourself, you're willing to wait!
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ok...
In my experiance...men are very forgetful! It is hard to remember that stuff especially when you are far away.
You said that he tried to get ahold of you so you know he cares. I think since you couldn't talk to him he might think you are having to much fun with out him or that you are trying to move on and that he might have to do that too.
Long distance relationships are difficult especially when you have stuff to do. Work really hard to keep it going!! GOOD LUCK!!
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Relax a bit, and think about this calmly.
He forgot your three month anniversary?
Did you tell him this was really important to you?
Because if you didn't, you should forgive him. A three-month isn't a big deal unless you decide it is and if you felt it was really important to you then you had to let him know it! Lots, if not most people would not make a big deal about a three-month anniversary. It's not a given. He really needed to be told firmly that it was important.
I’ve never celebrated a three-month anniversary myself. Three months is still a very early stage in a serious relationship.
If you did let him know it was a big deal to you, then fine, he forgot and he’s a dummy! You should tell him so, and then try to forgive him.
I honestly don't feel he is speaking to you too little. I know you do, but a short conversation and an e-mail while you are a state away is perfectly sufficient in my estimation. It’s not like you aren’t coming back this time. Especially if he is stressing about school AND you are stressed out AND there are phone problems.
It’s okay that you think he should be trying harder, you can tell him that, but if you DEMAND that he try harder, he’s going to get offended. He would have every right to. You don’t know what is going on in his life right now. If you love him, you should give him the benefit of the doubt, and believe he is trying as best he can.
It's okay to have high expectations, but you are going to be consistently disappointed if you have unrealistic expectations and if you cannnot find it in yourself to forgive small slights and struggles.
Take a deep breath and separate your stress about the move from the stress about the boyfriend. Although it’s true he should be supportive (and from what you have said it sounds like he IS supportive) he doesn’t need to hold your hand through every bump in the road. You have to deal with some of your stress and unhappiness by yourself, just by pulling up your socks and getting through it. When you finally do move he isn’t going to be available at the drop of a hat either. You are both going to need to adjust to this new mode of communication if you expect this relationship to last.
By all means when you get back talk to him calmly about your feelings of being neglected, but don’t be demanding about it, just be clear about what you would like, and listen to what he would like and thinks is reasonable. Have some sympathy for his struggles and some willingness to compromise with him. Be merciful. Be supportive. Be open to listening to him.
Remember, you aren’t the only one with needs.
In the end, if you two can’t meet each others needs, then you’ll need to part ways.
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