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Is my child mean or are all kids this way?
My child makes comments like, "that person on TV is better than you at ..blank.., "you smell, you are the ugliest, I missed my cat more when I was gone. He prefers to be with his dad more than me, he takes his side, and comments that he would save his dad first and a toss up between me and the cat. What is up? I am about as normal a parent as it gets. No neglect, no physical abuse, no psychological abuse, no other priorities. Are kids just mean today and tell you all they think or is he just displaying his "love" in an awkward way. By the way, I am the parent that says yes to McDonald's, walmart shopping etc.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Yes, your child is mean, and even if the vast majority of kids treated their parents that way, their behavior is unacceptable. I grew up in a culture that emphasized respect toward elders- insulting one's parent was out of question. Although I am not implying that I never, ever disrespected my parents, I do mean to say that I would never imagine saying such things to them. There is a reason that traditional cultures preach respect toward elders (and parents).
I am assuming that you live in either the US or Canada- all I can say is that at least here in the states, family values are dwindling very quickly. Kids generally do not have the values that older generations had. TV, advertising, etc., literally brainwashes kids into thinking that they are their own boss and can do and say as they please. That means saying whatever they want to one or the other parent (and in this case, you). Parents seem not to be as strict concerning these matters as they should be. You need to make your kid's comments stop. There have got to be consequences to his behavior, otherwise he'll think he can get away with anything. If you aren't there to set boundaries, he will be quick to insult you again. If he makes a comment again, you will have to say something to make it clear that you will not tolerate his speech. And not in the nice, "honey, that wasn't very nice" sort of way. You need to be firm back, even yell if necessary, in order for him to get the point. McDonald's, Walmart, etc., are out of question until he gets his act together and stops insulting you. You may need to refuse to take him out, or even let him go out with friends for a bit, so he can understand how he hurt you.
Still, you are his mother. After he (and you) have cooled down a bit, you might want to have a calm talk with him. Let him know that you are hurt, and want to know what could ever prompt him to insult you like that. Let him know that you are his mother, older, and as a respectable lady, do not at all deserve that treatment.
Lastly, try to think of what at all could possibly cause him to feel that way toward you. Are you at home often, do you have enough time to spend with him? If not, he may resent you for that. Are you his biological mother? Some kids feel resentment toward step-parents for some time. Are you sometimes more strict than his father? It may all boil down to him being a spoiled brat. Try to think things through, and as a mother, do what is best for you and your family.
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i had a friend who acted very similar to her parents. i really didn't understand it but it turns out that all she really wanted was attention. your son really does love you, so don't feel like he doesn't. eventually, this will stop, and everything will be normal. hope this is helpful =]]]
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It's a cry for attention is all.
No child truly "hates" their parents unless you're doing something incredibly wrong to them, but as you've stated above, you're on track as a normal parent.
It's just a phase, he'll grow out of it.
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Set some bounderies.
Parenting is not a popularity contest, let him natter on about the cat all he wants but name calling is NOT OKAY BEHAVOIR and must have consequences.
It doesn't matter if all the other kids are telling thier mothers off, he shouldn't be doing that to you, and there is no awkward love in disrespect. If he doesn't know that, you need to teach him that, not put up with it.
Your son doesn't have to like you all the time, but he does have to respect you. Tell him as much.
If he continues to name-call, you or others, create consequences for that behavoir and stand by them. No desert. No shopping. No internet. No TV.
He will fight back, and he will fight back hard if you develope a backbone in dealing with him, but you are the adult and can hold on longer then he can. Make him stop name-calling, or make him miserable. That is what consequences are for.
I will tell you this: I dumped a guy flat out when heard him call his mother an idiot and a whore on the phone. Anyone who thinks that kind of behavoir is okay, is not someone I want in my life. I am far from alone in that opinion.
You aren't doing him any favors by allowing this to continue.
Don't be your sons pal and don't compete for his affections: Be a mom. Be someone he can respect even when he is screaming 'I hate you!' and slamming the door. It's harder in the short run, but more rewarding in the long run.
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How old is your child?
I remember when I was about 7 or 8 I would do the same thing- except toward my dad, not my mom. I would always want to be with her and I would always say how much I "hated" my dad, etc., even though I loved both of them equally. I guess it's just a kid thing- I'm not really sure...
Maybe ask his teacher if other kids are exhibiting this type of behavior with their parents or whomever. I can't think of anywhere else but school or TV that he would get an idea like this unless he genuinely hates you? I don't see that as likely though.
--Jack
(16/m)
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he's taking advantage of your niceness. sometimes kids also just say those things to see what your reaction is. and yes he is meaner than most kids. next time you're at walmart and he wants a toy, or when he wants to eat at mcdonalds tell him that when he starts being nicer and doesn't say mean things to you then he can have mcdonalds or a toy. i know i'm young but i watch Super Nanny religiously. you could start a good behavior jar or something. just find a cookie jar or something and tell him that for every day he goes without saying something mean you'll put a paper star in the jar. then if he gets to the end of the week without saying anything mean you can treat him to dinner at mcdonalds on Friday or something.
also, talk to his father about it and make sure he's not encouraging it. for example if your son says something mean to you and then goes to his father and his father takes him out to lunch or goes and plays a game with him, that would be encouraging it. his father should make him apologize for what he said.
if you don't watch Super Nanny you should start. they have kids like this on the show all the time. and if worst comes to worst you could always call her and have her come to your house.
but i really hope i helped even a little. good luck with everything. you're son loves you even if he doesnt show it.
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