I work as a Customer Laison Complaints Case Officer at a major insurance company, where I have worked for 3 years. I left school when I was 17, as I had some very bad experiences at school and wanted to see what the real world had to offer.
I now live with my boyfriend of 3 years and spend my spare time reading, writing, socialising with friends or just watching some TV.
Times are still hard and I'm trying to cope with various health problems on a daily basis but I'm working my way through things and really want to stop it from getting me down.
I dream of some day going to America and watching a real baseball game (we don't have that at all in the UK) and perhaps finding a job I find creatively fulfilling. Until then, I'm happy trying to be me and making the best of what I have.
Website: My Space
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset, UK
Occupation: Customer Liaison Case Officer
Age: 21
MSN: hottchickie@hotmail.com
Member Since: January 28, 2006
Answers: 1016
Last Update: March 5, 2009
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so i couple of days ago me and my boyfriend had sex..and the day after i started feeling like i had to pee all the time and its still continuing. and it burns. could this be a bladder infection or something else? if so how can i get rid of it???
thanks ill rate all 5's (link)
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Strictly speaking, no it isn't a bladder infection. I had exactly the same problem for around the first two years of my boyfriend and I sleeping with each other.
What you have is what is commonly known as 'Honeymoon Cystitis'. There are two different kinds of cystitis, one being the kind you have and the other being the bladder infection.
Honeymoon Cystitis is so called because when a woman has sex for the first time, the friction can irriate the bladder and cause bruising. As the bladder is irritated, it makes you need to wee more and it burns because of the burns (and possibly the odd cut) that you received from your 'first time'. Strictly speaking, it isn't an infection but antibiotics are still the best way to treat it. I never totally understood why this is the case, but after suffering with it constantly for the first three months of sleeping with my partner, antibiotics were found to be the best way to cure it.
In most cases, this will occur when you have sex for possibly around the first 10 times. After that, it should go away. However, in rare cases, it might continue for quite some time (as it did with me) and in this case, it can be quite tricky to work out what will make it better. Having been back to the doctor so many times, he finally said another female patient had suffered the same throughout her whole married life but they had stumbled across a way to keep it from happening. Although the antibiotics work as a cure, it also works as a preventative method. I started taking one tablet every time we had sex and I never had the same problem as long as I did that. After around 6 months to a year of doing this, I no longer have to.
I doubt that you will have the problem for the same length of time as I did, but I would recommend you see your doctor, to confirm that it is only Honeymoon Cystitis (yes you do need to tell him you had sex for the first time) and get the antibiotics. Generally, drinking more fluids is recommended for cystitis but it really is for the infection, as it helps to clear out the bacteria. I actually found drinking a lot made it worse but it will be down to you to work out what is best until you have seen your doctor. I would recommend cranberry juice. It tastes disgusting but it helps to neutralise the acid in urine which causes the burning sensation.
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Hey I'm going to a party and my period is still irregualr so theres a very good chance that I'll be on it during the party/sleepover because in May I had it from the 23-30th or somrething like that so I'm expecting to have for the sleepover. And I'm kinda scared to wear a tampon to sleep because I don't want to get TTS but I know a ton of people who do. So like I'm not totally sure what to do. I mean if ther is a way to wear a tampon I will but I just don't know weather to not sleep over (but I don't really have a reason not the besided that one), wear a pad, or tampon. So any advice will we great.
WILL RATE. (link)
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The chances of contracting Toxic Shock Syndrome aren't terribly high, but it is always best to exercise caution and not where them when you go to bed.
Having been in this sort of position myself before, the best recommendation I can make is to make sure you wear a pair of pyjamas and a dressing gown. Wear pads, rather than tampons. When you get there, find a reason to disappear to the loo and check to make sure there is a bin in the toilet (something that has caught me out in the past!). If there is a bin, you will be okay. Up til you get changed into your pj's, it will be a lot easier because you can take a small handbag or something in with you.
After you change into pj's, when you need to change your pads, make sure you are wearing a dressing gown with pockets. Discreetly slip a new pad into a pocket and slip up to the loo. If they don't have a bin, wrap the used one in loo roll and hide it in a pocket or the bottom of whatever bag you have brought in. Not a favourable option but by far the best one available if trying to be discreet while at a party.. If you are concerned about leakages during the night, wear a pair of hotpants under your pj bottoms when you go to bed and make sure you change right before you go to sleep.
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okay i've been going bikini shopping & i have to try it on every time, soo i leave my underwear on, no problem. is this not safe to do?? i mean you have to try a bikini on before you buy it, but what if someone before you tried it on?? can you get sick from that?? germs?? idk what else.
thanks!! (link)
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Actually, you are doing the correct thing. If you order bikini's, underwear or a swimming costume from a mail order catalogue, they all normally have pieces of plastic stuck to that part of the clothing because it is unhygienic to try it on naked if you then decide not to buy it.
Basically, I don't think it is so much that you will get ill from sharing these items but more that the possibility is there. If someone has contracted a STI or STD from somewhere and some of their bodily fluid ends up on the material, if someone else then tries it on, they could contract it too.
The chances of actually catching something are slim but under hygiene regulations, you are almost always advised to try on such clothing while still wearing underwear, just to be on the safe side.
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my hair is fryed. it has a lot of breakage and some split ends. how can i get it healthy? (link)
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I'm assuming this is through something like straightening or other such heat treatment. I know you won't like this but there is only one surefire way to get your hair healthier after this. You have to stop using the straighteners or whichever other heat styling product you may be using. I'm saying this from experience. I managed to get my hair to such a bad way trhough straightening it that it actually started getting shorter because it was so badly damaged!!!!
Don't use any hot oil treatments because right now, your hair needs to avoid heat as much as possible. Anything like this will only make the split ends worse. Try using something like a mousse or a light gel in your hair instead for a while. Wash your hair with a medium heat shower and dry slowly on a medium heat with a hairdryer.
Invest in some moisturising shampoos, such as Dove, whih works really well and start using Aussie Three Minute Miracle Conditioner. It's amazing stuff and works wonders. I usually leave it on for around 5 minutes, rather than three.
Finally, you need to ensure you leave your hair alone as much as possible. Obviously brush it, but try to get to a point where you only wash it twice a week and make sure you are gentle with it when you do. Try to avoid chlorine water, such as swimming pools and if you go out in the sun, buy a heat protection serum to spray onto it first.
It will take time but I would recommend you go on like this for around 2-3 months. After that, get your hair trimmed, to help get rid of the split ends. However, I would like to stress that badly damaged hair can take a LONG time to recover, as hair only grows, at best, a few inches a year and it might be that you have to almost start over again. But keep being gentle with your hair and I PROMISE you (again, from experience) that within a few months at most, you will really feel the difference.
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i recently learned that one of my very close friends is bisexual. She didnt tell me, i just kinda found out through the grapevine. Well, I'm fully supportive of her and everything, but I just dont know how to deal with it. How do i tell her I know? I dont want things to be different between us, because we're really good friends. Help please.
Sincerely,
Confused (link)
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Since this is probably quite a difficult time for her right now (especially if she didn't mean the fact she is bisexual to get out), the best thing you could probably do is to just talk to her about it in a very open and honest way, so that she knows you are okay with it.
Arrange to meet her out somewhere, go shopping or something and talk to her. Try something along the lines of "Look, I heard a rumour that you were bisexual and I'm not sure if it is true or not but I want you to know that if it IS true, I still want to be your friend and it doesn't change anything with our friendship. If it isn't, then at least you know the rumour is going round." Hopefully, this will show her that you don't have a problem with it and if the rumour is true, she should open up to you about it and life can go on as normal.
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So im 15/f and i so far have never took any chances! Ive never even kisseda boy for crying out loud becuase i am scared. I think my parentals made me this way. Anyways All my friends ONCE in awhile get together and drink. Now i dont want any rude comments but would it be all that bad to try it once? I am sick of being called the good girl, or princess! I meen i wouldnt get attatched to it would i? Is it as bad as grown ups make it seem? (link)
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Oh boy, do I know how you feel.
You know, I'm 21 now and I live in the UK, where it's legal to drink at 18 in most places. All of my friends were getting drunk at 15/16. I didn't start drinking til my 18th birthday (Actually AT my birthday party, would you believe!)and in the years since then, I have been mildly drunk on four occasions and have had a hangover once and it was barely anything compared to what most people go through!!
Every now and then, I also wonder if I'm missing out. You hear all these tales of drunken debauchery and fun and it sounds like you're missing out on something amazing. But the reality of it is that your friends go out, illegally spend copious amounts of money on fluids they will be peeing out anyway, in order to obtain a temporary semi-legal enebriation which will result in lewd behaviour they won't even remember the next day, while they're throwing up half the things they drank the night before and complaining of violent headaches! Yes, the ease of it all and the way they describe it might seem appealing but I can promise you that the reality of it isn't as desirable. For one thing, when you are that out of it, you don't really know what you are doing and could end up in a lot of terrible situations. Of course, something might not happen and you might have a lot of fun. But is it really worth it?? Not really.
I know you don't like being called names for not sticking your neck on the line but why should you lower yourself to breaking the law and endangering your health just because of their immature behaviour? If you don't want to do it then you don't need to know anything else.
Alcohol CAN be addictive but that doesn't mean it always is. I and my boyfriend drink from time to time but I am basically teetotal and these days so is he, although he can remember waking up in the middle of a pavement, lying against a wall after a night of heavy drinking when he was young. He regrets it now because there are so many more productive things you could do with your time and so many better things to do with your money than drink it all away. You may not get addicted but if you bow to their taunts and peer pressure now and get the recognition frm them you seek, it will be a lot easier to do it again and again.
You only get one shot at life so you need to work things the way you want them, as long as it doesn't hurt others. When it comes to things like this, you need to bear that in mind and choose whether you want to do the thing you know deep down is best for you and the thing you really want to do or if you want to do what others want you to do, even if it goes against your beliefs and what you want.
Peer pressure is a tremendously strong force and it takes a stronger person to refuse to go along with it. If your friends are trying to make you do things you don't want to, be strong enough to stand up and tell them so. And if they aren't happy with your world, find some other friends who will respect you and your decisions, rather than make you feel inferior because you do the right thing.
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Okk. is a honda considered a "cute" car? cause i think there cute and very reliable...and im really not sure which one to get the accord. or the civic. and then theres all sorts of types..hybrid coupe sedan etc. anyone know a car that would be good for a 16 year old. my mom is gonna sign for me to get a car cause she believes i can make the payments for it and now i dont know what to get!?!? help please. i think i like the accords but im not sure.. (link)
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If you were going to get any sort of Honda, the best would be a Honda Civic. If your insurance company allows for modifications, you can modify them and make them look much nicer. However, I have to admit that I am not a great fan of Honda's. If you wanted to get a cute car, I would prefer to recommend the new style Volkswagen Beetles, which are REALLY nice and I've not heard a bad word about them yet. The newer Nissan Micras are also very sleek, if you get them in a nice colour and Nissan is a very reliable make of car. You can also usually get a very good gallon to mileage ratio in them.
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i have only had sex once in my life and my bf came over yesterday and he fingered me and i woke up with this bump on my vagina what dose this mean. (link)
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It might be that perhaps when he was doing things to you, he just cut you a little and that has made it swell up a little. However, it is difficult to tell because there are lots of different types of bumps that you can get in that area for lots of different reasons.
The best thing that I can recommend is that if it hasn't gone away in around a week, then you should get it checked out by a doctor. If it is something simple like a cut, a week should be long enough for the swelling to go down or for it to disappear. If it is still there, please do get it checked out. It might be something completely harmless but the rule of thumb is to never leave things like this unchecked.
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14/f
Last night was my 8th grade graduation, and today was my last day of school. The past three years that I have been in middle school have completely changed the way I think, act, and obviously look. Everything changed for me in middle school. Everything HAPPENED. Especially last year, in 7th grade. I have so many memories that I had to leave behind today, that I don't want to forget. And even though some of them I don't really enjoy thinking about, they're still there and I can't help but remember them. I don't know why, but I really don't want to leave. High school seems like such a big transition. I know most people would be like, YESSSS!!! HIGH SCHOOL!!!. But to tell you the truth, I don't want to leave middle school. I don't know exactly why. I think it's mostly the boy I likes fault, partially. Not his fault, but I really feel like I LOVE him, and I'm sure most of you know how hard it is to get over someone.. Well I feel like I'm leaving it, but I don't want to. Like the boy I like, I want to get over him.. but I can't let go. I don't know. I'm all messed up right now. Sorry if this is confusing. Pfft, I don't even know why I'm writing this, it's not really a question. Let me give you some background about this boy I may LOVE. To keep it short but to the point.. 6th grade I barely noticed him. The summer before 7th, however, he IMed me one day. He ended up telling me how he "used" to like me and stuff. Well we continued to talk throughout the summer, and then I found out that he liked me still. At that point, I started to like him too. 7th grade started, and I'm not sure if this is true, but I'm pretty sure he still liked me, and I liked him back. We didn't go out or anything though. Then in around November I think it was, he asked me out.. online and through my friend though. Unfortunately, me, being the shy weirdo I am, said NO. Biggest mistake ever. After that we talked online still.. But now it seems as if he slowly thought I stopped liking him, which is kinda odd since I continued talking to him online and if I didn't like him then I probably wouldn't have. Anyway.. the summer before 8th grade, we still talked, but he ignored me, hardly said anything, and just acted like he didn't care. Around September or the beginning of October of 8th grade, I just gave up. I haven't talked to him since. And it's the same in school.. we NEVER talk. And like we got yearbooks, and I wanted him to sign mine sooo bad.. but that never happened. I always have these chances but give them up, and never get second chances. And sometimes I think that maybe he likes me. I'll see him looking at me or something. This sounds really weird, but I kinda got these like vibes that he wanted to sign my yearbook. But then like I'll see him around all these other girls (he's like popular.. and I'm one of those shy girls with 2 inseperable best friends + some others lol) I really don't know anymore. Anyway, to sum that up.. I'm just soo scared that I'm NEVER gonna talk to him again.. It just feels really awkward to start talking to him again. Like in highschool, I don't want him to completely forget about me. We have such a complex background, so we could make it right? We could end up being together, can't we? Ughh. I don't know. I'm soo sorry this is extremely long lol. I kinda went from one topic to another. So what do you think I should do? I don't want this to end this way.. and I certainly don't want to be forgotten in high school by the only person I really want.. Thank you so much to anyone who answers this extremely long "question", if you can even call it that. Okay, I'll stop now. :) Thanks. (link)
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It all sounds so familiar....! I went through exactly the same thing when I went from middle school to secondary school. There was a guy who I really thought I loved and although he didn't ask me out, one day he asked me if I liked him and I was SO embarressed that I just muttered "No" and that was the end of it. I regretted that for years because after I went to Secondary school, he never wanted anything to do with me because of something a 'friend' did. I also experienced the same fear of moving on. The fear of change into the unknown.
Here's the thing, as you get older, opportunities will knock on the door and every now and then, things will change completely. We can't prevent these changes but we can adapt to them, learn from them and accept that a lot of changes are good. Yes, High School seems intimidating right now but I expect at one point, Middle School did too. Change will always be scary but almost all change will inevitabley be worth it. Not to mention that High School will be whatever you make of it. If you want to enjoy it and work hard, then make sure you do it! Don't worry - it's never as bad as you think it might be and in a few years, you will look back and wonder what you were so scared about!
As for this guy...it's a tricky one really but whatever happens, I really think you need to tell him how you feel. I don't know if you would be able to track down his telephone number (or maybe you have it already) and call him but if you can then you should. Call him and say that you hope he doesn't mind but you wanted to talk to him. If you want, speak to him on MSN or AIM and say this but as soon as you have arranged a date and time to meet, sign off to prevent questioning and spilling the beans too soon. Try to meet him somewhere casual, like a park or a coffee shop. Then sit him down and say you know that you turned him down when he asked you out before but the truth is you really like him and you have done for a long time but you're shy and were scared to do anything about it. Now that you know things could change so much when you go to High School, you didn't want to never have told him that. See what he says. Judging by what you have said about him, I don't think you have anything to worry about.
I know that doing this in person sounds terrifying but PLEASE take it from someone who's been through this before, you should never do things like this over the phone, over the internet or through a friend if possible. If you do it in person, you can get a direct response, where you know what they mean without any doubt as to whether you interpreted it incorrectly or if they pulled a face when giving their answer or speculating over any other aspect of the conversation.
Take it from me, do it now before you miss your window of opportunity. Sometimes opportunity knocks and sometimes it beats down the door. I've learned that sometimes, you need to break the door down for it!
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what are some REALLY REALLY good books for teen girls. i dont want just a light fluffy book. i want it to have like a really good story n stuff. thanks! (link)
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The Georgia Nicholson series, by Louise Rennison. Absoloutely hysterical and very light and fluffy!
Titles:
Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging
It's Okay, I'm Wearing Really Big Knickers
Knocked Out By My Nunga Nungas
And That's When It Fell Off In My Hand
And That's When He Ate My Boy Entrancers
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ok im only in 7th grade and i know that i wont be going on the senior trip for like 5 years but im just asking now...
well for the senior trip they always go to disney world and i really wanna go but we have to fly and i hate flying (never been on a plane and dont plan on going on one) but are planes really that bad i mean my mom said that she was on a plane and they hit REALLY bad turbulance...so for those of u that fly a lot do planes hit turbulance a lot or just sometimes and are plane rides scary? (link)
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Like you, I'm terrified of flying but I have flown somewhere around 13 times now. The honest truth is that if you are afraid of flying, turbulence will ALWAYS be scary. However, it's extremely rare for a plane to go down as a result of turbulence and you need to remember that all it is is air pockets and thermals. It's really nothing to worry about. It tends to be worse when you go over water or through thick cloud but, as I say, it really isn't anything to worry about.
It may reassure you to know that more people are actually killed by donkeys every year than in plane crashes. Whenever I have to fly, I remind myself of that statistic every few minutes, to help myself stay calm.
Believe me, if it is a Senior Trip at stake here, you should go. Yes, flying can be an unnerving experience but you never know, you might actually find you love it! Besides which, the trip will be worth it and if you don't go, you will spend a long time kicking yourself for it afterwards.
Go and have a great time.
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My best friend, Hillary, all the sudden likes Mike. They are now going out, Mike is a bad kid. No joke, he's only 12, [shes thirteen] and he's already had sex with another girl, cheated on 3 of his girlfriends, he smokes, drinks, and is on drugs. Hillary knows all this, but doesn't care. I can't pull her away from him, and even since they started going out, its like, shes trying to ignore me, ditch me, and just forget about me. I've tried calling her, IMing her, talking to her, but she won't listen, I don't want anything bad to happen to her, what should I do? x3 (link)
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This is a terrible position for you to have to be in. I'm sorry your friend is doing this to you.
My guess is that, for whatever reason, your friend really likes this guy and because of this, right now it is just easier to ignore the truth and focus on the fantasy of him.
Due to the way she is shutting you out, as much as I hate to do this, there is very little you can do. I'm sure the idea of speaking to her parents has crossed your mind but I would advise against this because it isn't something that she will thank you for. Unfortunately, what she is doing right now is making a mistake that she has to make and recover from on her own.
This means that you need to let her go out with this guy and go through whatever horrible ordeal it takes for her to realise what a terrible choice she has made in persuing him. Now, what you need to also do is to let her know that you aren't going to bug her about it any more and that although you don't agree with her decision to go out with him, you want her to know that you are there for her and will be there if anything bad happens. She needs to know that she can come to you without having to fight too much of her own pride in the process. I'm sensing from your message that she is probably a very proud person, so even if she does work out he's bad news, she's unlikely to want to admit it so you need to make it as easy as possible for her to come to you when everything goes belly up.
If and when this happens, just be there to help her pick up the pieces. Give her a shoulder to cry on. Don't tell her you told her it was a bad idea or suggest in any way that you knew all along what would happen, because believe me, she will already know. Try to keep it as friendly but neutral as possible and help her get things back on track.
Don't worry, most girls that go out with bad guys learn very quickly their decision was a poor one.
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I asked a question earlier, on what the big deal girls had over celebrities and athletes with a six pack. I got great answers to that question, but then something else struck me when I read one of the answers I got:
- answered Monday June 12 2006, 10:51 pm:
***Oh and something you want to avoid: mentioning ANYTHING about a girl celebrity. Like "Man she is hot!" Because your girfriend will not be with you too much longer after you do that. ***
The part I put in stars struck me, but why though? It's very true, and a lot of my guy friends have told me stories about when their girlfriends got mad or upset with them for saying a celebrity was hot. I'm not asking for the rights to go around saying so, or that I want to either, but what I have noticed is that a lot of the girls do that too. I've heard about maybe every single celebrity out there from girls, even my girlfriend, but even when I mention one [which I've always tried not to] I get a bad reaction and they are offended, sometimes mad.
So should I say something to my girlfriend about that? I mean I see it as unfair, mostly because while I have tried to say something to her about the situation, I hear the: oh but I have you and thats what I really care about... but I try saying that too and its not acceptable. What do you think? Thanks. (link)
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If you are comfortable with yourself and secure in a relationship, the odd mention of a celebrity that appeals to you shouldn't cause any negative feelings. For example, I have a big thing about Johnny Depp and my partner has a thing about Angelina Jolie and we tease each other about it all the time. It's good natured and never serious because at the end of the day, we both know we're happy with each other and nothing will ever happen with the celebrities we lust after!
But to be honest, it sounds as though this is becoming a major issue in your relationship and it is something that needs to be addressed. I'm not sure if you have spoken to your girlfriend before about this and told her how you feel but if you haven't you really need to, as it is clear you're being made to feel fairly inadequate to her.
I expect the advice you were given before was provided because if you don't say anything then she can't accuse you of doing the same thing and you can be a blameless party in this problem. However, this may be a fruitless venture because you're still being hurt by the comments she mades.
Talk to her and let her know your concerns. It's okay to be open with her about this and tell her that it makes you feel inferior. Also address with her the way she reacts when you talk about girls you like on TV. Tell her that it upsets you when she talks about guys she likes and it upsets her when you talk about girls you like so perhaps it would be best if you keep it to yourselves from now on. Chances are that in time, it will be easier to handle as you feel more stable in the relationship and in yourselves but right now you need to be more sensitive to each other's feelings.
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hey i asked that question about some oen callin my hosue and tellin my mom about me gettin pregnant and etc. the turht is I am still a VIRGIN. i havent had sex i just started on birthcontrol bc of a accident that happened wit me and my bf that made him think i was pregnant. i am not sexual active and i kinda thought about it but i know i am not ready for it. i just was on birth control because i want to be protected ya knoe. so what would you say since i told you this much more about my question. (link)
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Sorry I misunderstood, I thought you were having sex with your boyfriend.
What you really need to do is sit down and have a chat with your Mother about this. I know it's not a favourable thing to do but you don't need to go into details about your activities with your boyfriend. However you do need to stress to her that although you appreciate in your religion that sex before marriage is frowned upon, you haven't actually had sex yet. You need to make this clear to her in as calm a manner as possible. I know that is probably quite difficult, given the way she reacted but you need to appreciate that she had your best interest at heart. I expect she assumed you were sexually active, panicked a little and overreacted without really talking to her about it. So set her mind at ease. Let her know you aren't having sex but you wanted to be on birth control just to be on the safe side, because it's better to be on it now than have any accidents happen and regret it later. At the same time, you also need to tell her how and from where you obtain the pills. I must admit, I'm not sure I understand whether you aren't allowed to tell her where you got them or if you just felt you couldn't but it is better to tell the truth now than risk getting deeper into trouble with the lie.
The chances are, she will still be very upset. When a Mother has a shock like this, it can take a while for her to come to terms with it because anything involving actions of a sexual nature, regardless of whether or not they involve intercourse, is like a slap round the face to parents and a sure reminder that their child is growing up into an adult. However, if you try to calmly talk things through and apologise to her for upsetting her, it might make things a little better.
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HEY, i am sOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry that ths is so long but i really need your help~~
ive been thinging about it lately, and i dont really have a group of people i can really call my "friends", mostly because they dont act like it. ive got a friend who is a total slut, a friend who gets on my nerves, a friend who is obsessed with her boyfriend, someone who i am nice to, and someone who i call my bestfriend who i am not sure is my bestfriend for real. She is so fun to hang out with and when we hang out we have a blast! we hang out ALL THE TIME 24/7. seriously. if she isnt spending the night at my house, im spending the night at her house. it gets annoying sometimes but we always fall through and are friends again. lately she has been really mean and shitty to me and ive been thinking about it and im not sure if i stay her friend because i am scared that i wont find another best friend, maybe because ill miss her, or maybe its because i am scared of her. scared? yeah im scared of her. your probably wondering, why are you scared of your best friend. well it all started in 5th grade when we got in to a fight. i had only known her for 1 year by then but we got in to this fight and then she turned ALL of my friends against me. it sucked, but it wasnt only me who she did it to it was our other friends. believe me, ive tried to do it to her but its like shes got them under this spell, yeah thats lame to say but i feel like she has them undercontrol. the only reason why i dont bitch her out and tell her the truth is because with out her, i would have NO FRIENDS,. seriously you may thinking im exagerating (sp) but im not, this girl can do horrible things to people. she is a bitch. why is she my bestfriend your prolly wondering, she isnt a bitch all the time, but most of the time she is. i have a really bad memory and she uses that agaisnt me and puts words in to my mouth and she lies to me ALL THE TIME! she is good at it too. i hate it. my sister has really great friends and she is only 1 year older than me but still she has the greatest friends. they are always there for her when her boyfriend is mean to her or if she is having fam. problems, they are there for her ALWAYS! i just wish sometimes that i could have friends like that. i mean i dont know what i would be like if i wasnt friends with my best friend. i recently lost a best friend because she deciced to be a freaking skank and make out 8 TIMES! with this guy i liked but i am totally over it because i am glad we arent friends, she was annoying but anyways. the whole advice i really need is, what should i do. should i keep being friends with my bestfriend or drop her? my mom tells me that we should spend time away from eachother and i try but we always end up ahnging out. tomorrow i have summer school and she is in it with me and i am thinking about telling her i have other plans or that i just dont wanna hang out. see now the thing is i could make other plans but i just dont feel like it. ive been eyeing some boys and they always ask me to hang out but for some reason i always blow them off for her and when i get a chance that i can actually hang out with them i dont! i dont know why. but i picked you out of my 10 fav. columnists because you give good advice, not putting any pressure on you or anything but i really need some good advice! please help!!!! i am 15 years old and i am a gurl. i live in a life of lies and i cant trust anyone and my best friend IS TAKING OVER MY LIFE! help!
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Heya!
First of all, don't worry about the length. You type until you've got it all out. That's a good thing!
I have to admit that I have been in a very similar situation myself and had a friend much like yours, while having no other real friends that I could count on if I ditched her. As such, I ended up in the exact position you are in now! Eventually, I am pleased to say that I did ditch her, following a few unmentionable betrayals.
From my experience with this, the best advice I can give you is to try to distance yourself from her. I know it's a scary thought but I recommend this to you because I really don't want you to go through the hell I had to. You seem like a really nice person so there is no doubt in my mind that you would be able to make new friends with little trouble.
Now, I would advise against a big confrontation with her, if at all possible. Instead, try distancing yourself from her. Start accepting invitations from other people, or ask other people to hang out instead. If you keep turning down invitations long enough, people will stop asking, so don't let that happen and if you think you are at risk of losing potential friends, ask them! Try to arrange a trip to the cinema or bowling or the mall. Anywhere that you can hang out with some new people.
I know this is easier said than done. Don't worry, I've been there. But if your friend really can cause all the trouble between people that you have explained in your message, it is possible that others too deeply dislike her to want anything to do with you (again, something that happened to me). Some people are easily threatened and if she is quite an intimidating person, it is very likely that she is, inadvertently, scaring away others.
The problem with breaking off a friendship is that there are always going to be doubts. Did you do the right thing? Was she really as bad as you thought? What about all the good times you had? Did the bad really outweight the good?
This sort of thinking is what leads people back into the path of the person they were trying to get rid of. The truth of the matter is, you need to answer these questions before you do anything. If she is as bad as she sounds, then it sounds as though the bad outweighs the good. After all, what sort of friend turns someone's other friends against them? No friend at all. I'm sure you would never do that to her.
Obviously the decision at the end of the day is up to you as to whether you wish to stay friends with her but if she really isn't a goos friend with you and there is an opportunity to find friendship elsewhere (I would like to add, with boys! Always a good idea!), you should grab it while you can. Friendships like this should always be assessed on the basis of whether they cause you more negative feelings or positive feelings. It sounds as though it's negative in your case and you would be better off out of it.
So stop blowing off the potential good friends in your life, get rid of the ones that are causing you more trouble than happiness and try to move on. It's never easy leaving friends behind, no matter how much trouble they have been but trust me, in a few years, you will look back and feel so glad you got out when you did.
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Hey, I'm 13/f and I'm concerned about my breasts. When they developed two years ago, they develpoed with lumps. Just one big lump in each, and they hurt badly if anyone hit it by accident. I also have a white discharge coming from my nipple. When I look closely, it looks like skin. Can a 13 year old have breast cancer? Since only moderators can rate, I can't. Atleast not yet. (link)
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It's very rare for a woman under the age of 40 to develop breast cancer and if in the last two years they have not grown in size and there have been no other symptoms, there is very little doubt in my mind that they are not cancerous.
It is more likely that they are 'fatty lumps'. It is quite common to develop a lump in a breast while they are growing, as the fat cells move. However, it is ALWAYS important that you have any and all lumps checked out by a doctor, no matter how embarrassing this might be.
I had a lump back around 2-3 years ago so I know the process for diagnosis well. It is a little embarrassing but believe me, it is always a good idea to go through it. First they will appoint you to a specialist, who will feel the lump and quite often, they will do a biopsy, to check for any cancerous cells within the growth. To do this, they put a needle into your breast and into the lump, to take out a sample of the cells in the lump. I won't lie to you. It hurts. Rather a lot, actually. But again, please bear in mind it is always worth it! After the biopsy, they may decide to do an ultrasound. To do this, they make you take everything off your top half and let you cover the breast that is not being scanned with a dressing gown or a normal hospital gown. Then they put a gel on your breast and gently run the - I don't know the professional name but I guess you could call it a scanner - over the area where the lump is.
After this, you will be either telephoned or posted the results within a few days. It is extremely rare for anyone of your age to be diagnosed with breast cancer or for any tests beyond this to be required.
I really don't think you have anything to worry about, but as the lumps have been there for two years, you should have them checked out. For future reference, however, please don't ever leave any lumps unchecked for this length of time. I know the prospect of being diagnosed with cancer is terrifying but if it were cancer and you had it checked out right away, you have a far greater chance of beating it. So please, don't ever leave it this long again.
EDIT:
I'm sorry you feel that way but the fact is, you asked a question and I gave you the advice. I don't really understand what has upset you, if I am honest, as I have told you there is only the slimmest of chances you have anything seriously wrong and I've merely warned you that if something like this should happen again, you should see a doctor right away, to be on the safe side, rather than put it off for so long, which could be dangerous. If this upset you then I apologise but I would ask that if you have any grievances with my advice, please either send a message to my Inbox, or, if you really do feel suicidal as a result of what I have said, file an abuse report.
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Okay so my best friend (of 10 years) was going out with 2 guys (wesley and rafi) and rafi had a feeling my friend liked someone else..so i told rafi that my friend was cheating on him with wesley...am i wrong for doing that? i dont think i am because it's not like she was going to marry wesley or rafi so i dont know why she is getting all worked up over it...but what do yall think? did i do the wrong thing? (link)
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This is a tricky one because technically, the answer is yes and no.
If your friend had no intention at all of telling these guys she was seeing them both at the same time then yes, in a sense you did do the right thing because hey had a right to know.
However, it wasn't really your place to tell him and your friend will probably see it in a very negative light. To her, it will seem more as though you have put your nose into her business and messed up something she was very happy with. While most impartial persons could understand what you did, she most certainly will not be able to see that.
Really, it's impossible to say whether or not what you did was wrong because it's not a black and white situation. What you did was to prevent a situation which could hurt a lot of people from getting worse but at the same time, betrayed your best friend's trust.
Personally, I think that you did the wrong thing for the right reasons and under those circumstances, I support your decision. However, if you were to find yourself in this situation in the future, I would recommend that rather than do something about it directly, you speak to your friend and try to persuade her to come clean by herself.
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What is the age that guys usually bring their girlfriends to their house to like, meet their parents and have dinner and stuff? (link)
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There isn't really an age....but it's more of a feeling. I know that sounds a little vague. I'll try to clarify it.
When you are sure that the girl is something truly special and the dating is turning into a real relationship with a potential future, that is the time when you would bring her to meet your parents.
It's very much a formality but it's one designed to introduce the person with whom you intend to spend a lot of time in the future, as a courtesy to your parents.
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14/f
Well my best friend went out with my ex-boyfriend 2 days after i broke up with him, even though i wish i hadent. I only broke up with him because he lived to far away.. But it just bugs me that she did that, and i dont know what to do. I told her that i didnt care because i dont want to let some guy (no offence) get between me and her- but it is! Any help would be great, and i do rate.
-cj (link)
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There are really two ways that you can look at this.
The first way to look at it, from an impartial perspective, is that you had broken up with him. Unless you had said to your friend that you wished you hadn't broken up with him, you can't make too much of a fuss because he was 'on the market', to put it crudely.
However, the alternative is that there is an unwritten rule between friends that you NEVER date guys that you both like or ex's because it makes matters very complicated in the friendship and basically puts people in the position you are in now.
The bottom line of the situation, really is that you are upset about this. You did basically give her permission to go out with him when you didn't really want her to so you can't be too upset with her. At least she spoke to you about it rather than going behind your back.
I really think you need to speak to her about this and tell her how you feel. You can't backtrack on what you said because she's already going out with him, but she needs to be aware that you aren't as comfortable with it as you first made out. Be calm about it and reasonable and just say something along the lines of "I know I said I didn't care if you went out with him but the truth is, it bothers me more than I wanted to let on. I don't want a guy to come between us and I meant it when I said that but I'm just uncomfortable with it."
After this, you have to resign yourself to the situation and just hope that she is sensitive about it, rather than telling you all the gory details.
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14/f
for the past few weeks i have been getting a brownish discharge on my underwear. i am not on my period right now so i don't think it's that, but what are some possibilities and what can i do?
thanks! (link)
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Although you say you aren't on your period at this moment, it sounds as though you are spotting. The brownish discharge is blood but the darker it is when it comes out, the further it came from inside you.
It might just be that it is normal spotting. Don't worry because a little bit is nothing to worry about and is very normal, especially in the first couple of years after you have started your periods. However, if it continues for more than a week or if you are suffering any discomfort 'down there', you should see your doctor, just to be on the safe side.
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