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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
My ex boyfriend is trying to get back with me. However he doesnt know I have another bf already nobody really knows about him except for my really close friends because I didnt want any gossip, drama, and my mom doesnt like him that much (she doesnt really like anybody that much). However, I found out that he asked one of my really good friends to be his girlfriend as well. I talked to him about it and he admitted it. He said that me and her are both beautiful and that he likes her a lot but he really loves me and that he didnt want to be alone and anyways he knew that she was going to say no. This sounds kind off like player to me but he denies it...I feel kind off like....okay so im your back up plan? no it doesnt work that way... he got mad when I told him what I thought...and i dated him for 5 months and know he´s a good guy. Lately a lot of my "friends" true faces came up...so I dont really know what to think... am I right to think that he´s just playing with me....and that...hes and idiot? in my eyes hes trying to get together with two girls since one was obviously going to say no then theres the back up one....Im nobody´s backup...and i have someone who loves me and truly cares about me....what should I say? am I right to think this way? Im 17 female...
The Answer
You are absolutely right to think he's an idiot.
It's not abnormal, or even really a bad thing, to like more then one person at once, but to admit it the way he did to you and be puruing both at once, yeah, that smacks of either deep stupidity or total self-absorbtion.
However, if you have been otherwise happy with him, just write it off as wierd and stupid thing he did, not something that makes him a 'player'. If he has been otherwise good for five months, it's more likely he is just a dumbass then a player.
Whatever you do, don't go back to your ex. Exes are exes for a reason, and normally it's a damn good one.
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The Question
Okay right now Im stressed REALLY! My mothers husband has given me this ultimatum which was I either follow hs rules or leave the house. because I stormed out of the lving room because he was basically insulting my character, criticizing me and putting me down like I was a nobody. And as always she fed right into it. It's like I've lst everyone important in my life and it hurts. I dont know what to do. I've said I'll straighten up, even though there's nothing to straighten up about, he's just made that I focus all my attention on my school work, instead of things he wants me to do. Im really sick of him, and to be honest, this whole ultimatum will turn on my mother, and she'll have to decide wether its me or him. I'm thinking of going through with a plan to run away or go with my dad who I obviously mean nothing to. But I swear this guy betta back the hell up, b4 his history makes a u turn right back to him. Cause just like me and anyone else he aint perfect so he need to stop trying to act like he is
The Answer
This is an angry rant, and that's cool, you're allowed to be angry. But you don't give enough objective details for anyone to give you serious help. All I can really do is say "Yep, that sure as hell sucks ass."
When you calmed down a bit, why don't you try writing out the details of what happened? I'd be really happy to give you some advice on how to move forward, but advicenators really need some information to work with, and you haven't provided very much here to go on.
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The Question
how to help my kids become tall whereas me and my husband both are short
The Answer
Height is genetic. They will become exactly as tall as tier DNA programs them to become.
The best thing you can is make sure they are healthy enough to achieve their full natural height. That simply means eating right and regular check-ups.
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The Question
I am 17, My son's bio father is 18 (John), My fiance is 19 (Nate) and my son is 2.
I am going to first list the reasons why my son's bio father isn't allowed to see him.
*When my son was a baby baby he never woke up with him in the middle of the night he just ignored him.
*I have a police report filled against my sons fathers father for saying he was going to preform a sexual act on my son.
*My sons father made the same comment and called him a BAS****
*We had an agreement of him seeing the baby every other weekend and him helping pay for diapers and milk, etc. and two months came around he never helped at all i was providing food and milk for my son.
*He brought him to my house after the weekend, snot running down his face, his feet were black and he was all sticky. thats when i drew the line. and stopped letting him over there.
*he tried to have his sisters jump me and take the baby the police told me to move so now instead of ohio im in missouri.
Which now he wants something to do with him son and trys to call my phone etc.
I am engaged and when married i want my son to have my fiances middle and last name.
I dont have regrets but is my reasons good enough reasons to why i am doing this to better my son. thank you for your advice!
PS. my fiance raises my son as if he is his own child, plays with him, feeds, changes him, calls him son, etc.
The Answer
EDIT: You've been misinformed, or at least, your information is outdated. Recent court decisions have given some limited rights to biological fathers REGARDLESS of their name on the birth certificate. You should speak to a lawyer about this to make sure you bases are probably covered in both your home state, and his.
You need to go to courts and to the police and remove the biological father�s parental rights if you are going to deny him visitation.
Whatever your reasons are, and you certainly have some, they aren�t good enough until you get the courts involved, because until you get the courts involved, the biological father still has LEGAL RIGHTS to a relationship with his son.
If you want to lock him out of your son�s life forever, you need to have that done officially. Until you do, his biological father could take it up with the courts and FORCE you to recognize his rights and let him see his child.
It doesn't matter how great a dad your fiance is, your son still has a biological father and unless the biological father has signed away, or had his parental rights taken away, he has a right to see his child. If you want that right taken away you must do it legally, or else your current behavior could get you in serious trouble.
In my opinion, the best thing you can do is allow the biological father, supervised and very controlled visitation with his son. Even if, as you do that, you start presuing legal avenues to have him cut out of yours sons life.
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The Question
ok so... i'm not like a perfect kid or anything but I'm not a bad one either. I'm 18 years old and I don't drink, do drugs, have sex, nothing. I never have and I don't plan on it. My 15 year old sister on the other hand has been mixed up in just about everything. She even got a tattoo and tried hiding it forever. My mom used to get on her so hard when she knew she was getting high and stuff. It took a huge turn at some point and I just don't know where. She keeps everything about my sister from my dad and it makes me so frustrated. My sister has this 19 year old boyfriend we'll call Dustin. Dustin in 19 years old and a loser. He doesn't have a job or anything. My sister would say she was staying and then go to his house instead.. at first my mom cared and then she just like stopped. she would tell me and my dad she was at her friends when I knew the truth... and thennnn she had the audacity to let him stay here at our house. Well... about 2 weeks later guess who's pregnant.. yep.. my sister. They think they're ready to "have a family".. how can they have a family when neither one has a job or any source of support besides my parents. Dustin is in and out of jail and it disgusts me. My dad goes to sleep every night at about 8:30 and around 945 or so my mom goes to get her from Dustins and guess who has been coming with her every single night?! I know it shouldn't be my problem but it is. I don't feel comfortable in my own house an I get so stressed from having to keep it from my dad. Whenever I try to tell my mom how I feel it turns into how "I think i'm so perfect and how I build off of her screw ups" My mom always makes it sound like i'm a bad kid and i'm tired of it. I am such a good kid compared to her.. and not because I want to be better than her, it's because I respect myself...... please help me, I would appreicate it so much .
The Answer
Stop ‘discussing’ things with your mom.
She's not only in denial. She's ashamed and panicking. You will get NO rational response or behavior out of her at this point. Don't even try.
However, you have a certain right to be comfortable in your home and you should not be expected to keep secrets from you father. Those are not fair or justifiable expectations to have of any person you live with, much less to have of a teenage daughter. You have no right to forbid this guy from your home, but you have every right to express yourself very clearly, and demand a bit of respect.
Your mother is right that you should be sympatric to your little sister, not only is she in a tough position, she’s a moron. She’s not going to have an easy time. BUT IT”S YOUR MOM’S BEHAVOIR THAT IS THE REAL PROBLEM. So stop talking about your sister, don’t even mention her name. Deal with your Mom. She’s the damn adult here and you don’t have to have the same sympathy for her.
So, no ‘discussing’, tell your mother these two things, and don’t budge on them:
One: This guy makes you very uncomfortable and you do not want him over every day. You deserve some 'guest free' time in the place where you live. To have him over every night of the week it not fair to you. There needs to be some compromise. If she can’t do this by herself, then you need to get your father involved in the discussion and to help build some house rules about guests that are respectful to everyone, including yourself. (Don’t mention your sister here, this isn’t about her, this is about your mom allowing this guy over all the damn time.)
Two. You will no longer lie to your Dad. Make this very clear. It's not YOUR job to keep secrets and tell lies, especially if they make you uncomfortable. If you father asks you a question, you will answer it honestly. If your mother doesn’t want you to tell him something, then she needs to not tell it to you. Tell your mother she probably ought to inform him of what is going on, because it would be better for him to hear it from her.
Unless he has some history of physical abuse, she needs to let him know what is going on with his child. He has a right to know, and she needs to face the music.
Put your foot down with your mother in those two ways, and ignore any ‘punishment’ she might try to dole out. Calmly and simply ignore it. IF she cuts your allowance or does something else, accept it and say “Fine Mom. But I still meant what I said.” If this guy is still in your home more then 3 nights a week, speak to your Mom and Dad about your discomfort with his constant presence.
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The Question
ok I undrstand he has a lot of friends that are girls. I have a lot of guys as friends. but when we walk down the halls he's saying hi and stuff to every girl!! I don't walk and say stuff to all my guy friends. I stay just to him. my question. what does this mean?? how do I stop it or something? and im 16 he's 17
The Answer
It means he much more polite then you.
It's appropriate to great everyone in a group when you approach them, not just your boyfriend. You might great your boyfriend more warmly and affectionately when you greet him, but to ignore all the other guys standing around him, especially if you know them, well that is kind of rude.
If he greats everyone as he walks down a hallway, that just means he is outgoing AND polite.
If it really bugs you, try engage in him in interesting conversation or better yet say hi to those people as well! But don't try to change who he is. It sounds like he's a pretty cool guy, and he isn't doing anything wrong.
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The Question
does anyone know where i can get an AA meeting online? please i really need it.
The Answer
AA does NOT offer online meetings themselves. There are a lot of similar groups that offer similar programs or support, but basically all of them will tell you that you should be going to actual meetings, with real people.
You can find a list of those online groups here:
http://aa-intergroup.org/
Or do your own google search.
HOWEVER, I have to agree with Theymos, AA is not a reputable program for dealing addiction despite how popular and government-supported it is. Twelve-stepping is not a scientifically proven way to deal with an addiction or negative behavior. It's a spiritual program, not a scientific or medical one.
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The Question
Our mutual "friends" apparently told her bad things about me, like, how I am "controlling" and yell at any other girl he talks to and other things apparently. I am not okay with this. Is there a way I can approach her about this? Through a letter? In person?
I will see her Wednesday (today is Monday) at a wrestling match. Her son (my boyfriend) is one of the star wrestlers and I am the manager. What can I do? Please help me. We have been dating on and off for the last 4 years. 16/f
The Answer
Did his mom 'suggest' that she didn't want him seeing you anymore or did she make it a rule?
Have you asked him what he intends to do about this?
His mom is entitled to her opinion that you are a bad person, and there is no reason for you to try and speak to her directly about that. It's your boyfriend you need to speak to. He is the one who needs to stand up for you and for his own choice to date you.
If he can't, or won't do that, then you are better off without him.
All you need to do it be polite and friendly to her. Expect your boyfriend to deal with the lies she has heard, and stand up for your relationship and his opinions about you.
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The Question
so i have this friend 'jane'
&&her mom does && does && does for her.
she does everythinq she says.
i mean i quess you could call her mom a sort of 'push over?'
then my friend [13years old) starts screaminq && pouts.
im like wtf dude?
i tell her to chill out ; butt she acts like thats okay for a thirteen year old qirl to do.
its almost like when you see a qirl in a movie yell at her mom.
she trys that butt she looks ridiculous.
what do i tell her so she can stop makinq a complete fool of her ; her mom ; && me in public?
The Answer
Decline to hang out with her and her mom, and tell her why.
That's the most powerful statement you can make. Do it as nicely as possible. Tell her you think her pouting and screaming is silly and you are embarrassed to be out with them when she behaves that way. Either ask her to promise to be respectful, or tell her you can't hang out with her and her mom anymore. Finish off with welcoming her to hang out with you WITHOUT her mom, so she knows that you don't hate HER, just her behavior with her mother.
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The Question
i think im dependant on my boyfriend. and i think its driving a wedge between us.
last time we dated, i think i drove him away, even though he swears i didnt. he wouldnt call for a day or two and id freak out and start bawling all the time and get these nervous pains in my stomach and i couldnt eat or sleep.
i mean, last time i saw him or talked to him was 2 days ago, and im already a wreck. im afraid hes already losing interest in me and i CANT lose him again. maybe someone whose already been married for a few years will understand. because when i love someone, i love DEEP.
i cant call him or just show up at his house because i dont do that. its against my philosophy. i forced myself to think that if a boy doesnt call me, he doesnt wanna talk to me. and if he doesnt wanna talk to me, then i shouldnt call. at all.
and since i think like that, if my boyfriend doesnt call me, i think he doesnt wanna talk to me. ive thought like this for years and i cant just change it.
i mean, maybe im just being paranoid, but how do i talk to him about this without scaring him shitless or driving him away even more? i cant lose him again. i wanna fix this for us.
someone PLEASE tell me what i should do! im desperate!
thank you to anyone who actually answers without calling me a psycho. O:)
The Answer
Your philosophy sucks ass.
AND it's going to make you miserable, not just in this relationship but for the rest of your life in probably everything you apply it too. You start thinking this way about your schoolwork or your job, and you’re life will be unbearably stressful.
Good news is, it's YOUR philosophy, so YOU have the power to change it.
YES, you CAN change it. It will be hard. It will take work. It will hurt and feel really bad at first. But you better, unless you enjoy being miserable and watching every decent relationship you have fail.
You are taking from him. Always taking, taking, taking, and giving very little back. You are demanding he do all the work and not even showing you care enough for him to pick up a telephone or type out an e-mail.
First thing: Pick up the damn phone. Scream and cry and throw things if that’s what it takes for you to manage it, but DO IT anyways.
Second thing: See a counselor. This approach to life has probably spilled over into other things for you, and if you can’t overcome your insecurities and fears on your own, then you need professional help to do so. Stop leaning so heavily on your boyfriend. If he had the power to fix you, he would have done it by now. Only YOU have that power, so you better get on it.
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The Question
Hello, I missed my period for last month and I don't know why. I have a steady boyfriend but we haven't had sex, he has fingered me though, only once this month,and that was after I was already late. But when we do those things I always go first and then I do him second, with my pants on and wash my hands.
I'm responsible for my actions and the dangers. I just don't understand, it does not seem possible, it seems more possible that I got pregnant from a toilet seat than my own boyfriend.
I had messed up my month of birth control, so I only took like a weeks worth. Could that have done something to my cycle? I am also stressed with school.
Is there any other reasons I could have missed my period?
The Answer
You messed up your birth control.
There ya go, that's the problem right there. You messed up your birth control and your body is now unsure about were in it's cycle it's supposed to be.
There really isn't any reason to worry about anything else. If you recently had a period, and then only took your pills for a week, your body is confused. If you just randomly took your pills for a week in the middle of your cycle, your body is confused. If you took the wrong pills for a week, or took a week more active pills then you should of, then your body is confused.
There is no reason at this point to think about any other possible explanation. You've just mucked up your hormonal balance. Either call up a doctor or nurse and ask them how to best get regular with your pills again, or skip them this month (remember that means you aren't protected!) and begin again as you normally would after your next period.
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The Question
15 / F
With the first black president in office and all this stuff going on, my family started talking about this date.
My family has a very strong spiritual background as Christians, but mine isn't as strong. I have accepted the Lord as my savior, been baptised, yadda yadda, but still. I have doubts about religion. What if it all really DID just start out from dust and particles and stuff?
I'm almost sixteen and I'm worried that IF anything significant should happen on that date, I won't be ready. When the signs show, I'm scared that everyone will be raptured up to heaven and I'll be left behind :[
I lie, I lust, I *ahem* pleasure myself. And I feel TERRIBLE for it. I don't read any of the books on young girls and God that I get for Christmas. They all seem kinda boring. But I don't have the time to read the bible cover to cover, even though God doesn't care. He wants us to MAKE time for him!
I just don't know where to start. HELP!
The Answer
Take a deep breath.
I won't presume to tell you what you to believe, but here are some very basic things to get you started with addressing the issue of 2012.
2012 is not actually biblical.
The idea that 2012 is a Christian idea comes mostly from the 1997 book called The Bible Code by Michael Drosnin that says a comet will collide with earth by ‘decoding’ secret messages in the bible... There is no sense at all to this 'code' using Drosnin's method for finding 'codes' in the bible you could get the same sort of predictions off the front page of the New York Times. (Drosnin also believed those codes were put there by Aliens, not God and also predicted nuclear war in 2006... after it didn’t happen he said the Bible Code showed possible futures, not definite ones. Dumbass.)
No ancient societies predicted the end of the world in 2012.
Not the Mayans or the Egyptians. People say that they do, but they didn’t. They simply had calendars that ended that year. Much the same way we had a big ending in 1999. There is no evidence that it was a very big deal to those cultures.
Frankly, the idea of ‘the rapture’ isn’t really biblical either...
The rapture is a modern theory based on the bible. Not a single writer mentions a word about anything like it until the 17th century. I know people debate this, but as you have read the bible thoroughly I’m sure you realize that many of the statements in Revelations contradict themselves and it is hard to figure out how it could ALL be true and almost impossible to figure out how they could be true in the order they are put down in. The timeline the bible lays out for the end days doesn’t make sense, not as a timeline anyways. The idea of ‘The Rapture’ happened as a way to make ALL of those confusing timelines true, by basically introducing a ‘soft coming’ of Christ before the actual ‘Second Coming’.
There WILL be a cool alignment around that time with Venus and possibly the center of our milky way galaxy. But that is just a neat phenomenon, and will have no effect on anything, not gravity or our magnetic polls or anything. It’s just a matter of perspective and it’s kinda cool. That’s all.
Just go and live the life you want to live. If that is a god-fearing life, great! Go do that. But don’t waste your time worrying about this. There is so much nonsense being said, even more so then there was in 1999, and there were a whole bunch of nuts then, both religious and scientific trying to tell us we are all going to die. They were wrong then, and we all just let them off the hook for it. They will be wrong on Dec 12, 2012, and we’ll probably let them off the hook for it then too.
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The Question
ok. i'm a 17 year old girl and have been dating my current boyfriend for 14 months. My 13 year little sister doesn't like him,.....at all. as in can't stand him! Every time I hang out with him or he comes over, she feels like I'm ignoring her feelings and picking HIM over her and my family. Here's the thing, my sister is the only one in my family (which includes her and 2 little brothers, and my parents) who doesn't like him.....I've tried to split my time between the 2 of them, but she still acts almost jealous anytime a spend time with or talk about my boyfriend...I'm a very family oriented person, so the fact that I can't invite my boyfriend to family parties because my sister dislikes him really hurts me. He's starting to get tired of it, too. He's also family oriented and his family always make me feel like I'm already part of the family. I don't know what else to do. I've talked to her about it, and she just won't see reason......I'm not trying to get her to like him, just tolerate him and not be such a brat whenever he's around or a say something about him.
wow....that was a vent-session and a half....
Any advice?
The Answer
Talk to your mom and dad.
Your sister doesn't need you to coddle her. She needs to be parented and to have a firm talking too about respecting other family members boundaries and relationships, as well as respecting guests in the home. She isn't just being a brat, she is being rude and childish. Mom and Dad are the two people who should address that and you should be able to ask them too.
Keep making some special time for her, WHEN your boyfriend isn't a around. When he is, explain to her simply that this your special time with him, and you and she can have special time later.
You are right to not try to change her mind, she's allowed not to like him, she is even allowed to say not-nice things, you should shrug such things off unless she is being rude directly to him. When she is being rude, ignore her, and talk to your parents about how they can help you address this.
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The Question
okay my boyfriend broke up iwth me about a month ago. He broke up with me for someone else. I gave him an ultimatum because he still wanted me to stay but it was either me or her and he chose her so i left. I had been talkin to his friend while we were dating just as friends and my ex didnt seem to have a problem with it...just bothered me about what we talked about alot. well when we broke up thats when he started getting mad for me talking to him. i was like whats the big deal? His friend told me a few days after i broke up with mye ex that he had been messing around with other people when he was with me...and that he does that with everyone he dates. I was upset and pissed as you can imagine. His friend of course took the opportunity to hit on me...kind of bad timing but not so horrible. when my ex found out he was hitting on me he flipped out on his friend and told him not to talk to me and told me not to talk to him. WE still did of course because the whole thing is rediculous...why would it matter he broke up with me and cheated on me? My ex is very mellowdramatic and overexagurates a lot. he fliiped out in his friend and said alot of things about me and about him that shouldnt have been said. His friend got pissed and now he is gonna beat his ass. I dont want any of this but i seem to be stuck in the middle of thier war now and i want to know how to help fix it seeing its mainly about me, without having to ignore both of them.
The Answer
Your last thought is your best one: Ignore them both.
I know the attention is nice, but really, this isn't about you. This is about both of them being immature dinks. They were obviously going to fight over a girl sooner or later, you just showed up at the right time to fuel their little battle.
Both of these guys are bad friends, and bad boyfriends. They are violent, demanding and self-centered. Both of them will bring drama and pain into your lives.
Get rid of them both.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I had a talk last night about how he wants our relationship to go. Ironically, after we spoke about it, we watched That 70's Show and the episode was literally about exactly how he wants our relationship to go. He sent me some of the quotes once he got home. I don't really understand what he wants, so hopefully you can help me understand.
"See! Remember when our relationship was the most fun thing in our lives? And then we put all this pressure on it. Wish we could just...y'know just hang out and forget all about that stuff."
"Donna and I have decided we're not gonna talk about our relationship anymore!"
"It's going to be so great to be with Donna without all the talking and the decisions and labels. Y'know like am I your fiancé...y'know am I your boyfriend..."
The Answer
How old is this guy now? Seriously? The 70s Show? Lordy…
On one hand, it's not a good thing to be turning every get together with your boyfriend into a 'State of the Union' address. If you find yourself regularly asking him how he feels about you, or what the future has in store for you as a couple, then you ought to cool it. No one likes to have to be constantly picking apart and analyzing their own relationship.
On the other hand... Seriously! How old is this guy?
If he is a teenager, then he probably just wants a relaxing relationship he can have a good time with without constantly worrying about 'Where is it going?', and that is fair. But if this guy is a supposed adult who you see a future with, give up now and dump his sorry ass, because what he is really looking for is a 'non-relationship', regular sex and companionship without the messiness of a real connection and intimacy.
To sum it up:
If you are casually dating, or young teens, then what he wants is not to talk about ‘Us’ all the time, and that is a fair request. Cut him slack and find other things to talk about.
If you are very seriously dating, or thinking you might have a long-term thing with this guy, give up and dump him. He isn’t looking for a real long-term partner. He only sees you as a buddy.
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The Question
I'm 26. For ages I've stayed a virgin for a number of reasons, but finally I decided I wanted to sleep with a guy I just started seeing. He knew I was a virgin and after only seeing each other a few times we had sex. He's been really sweet. However, I got out of a bad relationship a few months ago and was really hurt emotionally. I'd made a mental pact to date more than one guy once I started dating again, just for my own self-preservation. So now that I am dating again, there are a few guys that have asked me out. I'm interested to date 3 guys at once, but have to wonder, now that I'm sleeping with one (using protection and on birth control), what if I want to sleep with the other two guys? Would that make me a slut?
The Answer
Frankly, once you are out of the high school gossip mill, the only person you EVER have to worry about considering you a slut again, is yourself.
In my life, I've found that I can't happily maintain a sexual relationship with more then one person. It's just nothing something I can do without stressing myself out, feeling divided and even disloyal (no matter how honest I've been with my partners).
Sleeping with more then one person at didn't make me a 'slut', but it did make me feel like one sometimes, so I stopped doing it.
But as for you: going from bad relationship, to single, to non-virgin, to totally sexually liberated lady-about-town... that's an awful lot to handle awful quickly.
So my advice to you: don't rush yourself.
Frankly, in jumping into bed with this guy after only having started to see him a few months out of a bad relationship, that already smells of rushing it. Unfortunately, many of us trying to get over our ex by getting under someone else, and it never really works. So I would advise you not to go further complicating your life with more lovers any time soon. It has nothing to do with being a 'slut', you just have enough on your plate without adding multiple lovers.
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The Question
my wife pressured me into a big mortage and many other fininical areas.I know it was my fault for saying yes, but i could not handle the rentless pressure.Now i have lost almost evreything i had even my will to succede.I love her but not in love.i feel she has taken advantage of my heart.now she is trying to fix it but i dont want her to. I am lost in life what should i do
The Answer
GO TO COUNSELING.
Now. No more trying to work it out just the two of you, obviously that hasn't worked for you in the past. Get some outside help, both with your marriage and with your finances.
Also, stop blaming her. It's not solving any of your problems, it's just creating new ones. No one can manipulate you without your permission. Whatever you two did, you did it togeather, and you now in the exact same mess, togeather.
Get both of your sorry butts into marriage counseling, and get some credit counseling while you are at it. You need professional help with your difficulties at this poin.
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The Question
I am a 19 yr old girl. My major conern, my period. To get straight to the point. It comes when it wants, sometimes it will skip a month, or two. I am overallly concerned. This has been happening since i was probably.. 16-17 of age. I finally went to get a pap smear at age 18 (in Feb of 08) and I have another apt. scheduled for this Feb. of 09 and my last apt in 08 they said nothing was wrong and everything was completely normal and i had nothing to worry about. Although i had just gotten my period 3 weeks before i went in there so i thought it was regulating.. My mother says its because I have been off and on and off and on again and now off birth control so its got everything all funky.. my questions..
1) Shouldn't i be regulating?
2) Should I be worried?
-If so, what could it be?
3) Do I have to bring it to their attention, I will this time, in order for them to know if something is wrong or not? Or would they (tests) recognize something was wrong with or without me telling them that my period is irregular?
4) Anybody else or know somebody with a similiar situation?
5) Could I still have kids?!
The Answer
1.) Not really, some women never do.
2.) Not as worried as you are, no.
3.) Yes, you should always talk to your doctor about things that are worrying you. They might not know what to look for unless you do.
4.) Yep, me. My period didn't regulate until I was almost 22 (AND that was because I started to take hormonal birth control, when I went off it, my period became a bit random agian). There is nothing wrong with me and I'm perfectly healthy, but I do live a life with strange cycles of sleep, diet, exercise and work, and that probably plays a part in it.
5.) Ask your doctor. But there is no reason to think you couldn't.
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The Question
i really want to have sex with my boyfriend of a year....i absolutely love him but if i got pregnant it would be the end of the world...im so afraid of getting pregnant i dont think i ever wanna have sex until im married =/
what should i do?
The Answer
Well, not have sex.
There is no way short of sugary to make pregnancy an impossibility. It's ALWAYS a risk. Period.
You can educate yourself about condoms and the birth control pill, and use them correctly and know that they will be VERY effective protection, but they still aren't perfect.
If that isn't enough to make you comfortable taking the risk, then don't have sex.
You might find, as you get older and more secure with your body and sexual heath choices that you WILL feel confident enough in your contraceptive measures and feel prepared to address the risk of pregnancy should it arrive, or you might not. Whatever you learn, or however your mind changes you should NEVER, ever, have sex if you are afriad of not being able to handle the possible risks assosciated with it.
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The Question
ook. so. im 18/f and my boyfriend is almost 19. we were together a year & a half broke up for awhile and now we've been back together for a few months. ok so some time before we got back together i was looking through his phone [which he doesn't like but he's done it to me and i usually have to beg him to let me see it which automatically makes me suspicious but im pretty positive he wouldnt cheat on me but still. and even if i just want to see it to put a banner on there or look at pictures or anything it's not like i go out of my way to spy on me i pretty much trust him] ANYWAYS his brother and cousins and friends would send him those forwarded texts that have the nude or topless girls or even girls that supposedly are "his brothers friends" that end up being sent to him where the girls are laying there naked or feeling on themselves or whatever. well i told him that those are disgusting and i dont like it and if we got back together then i'd really rather not see those in his phone. well we got back together. today i was looking through his texts to read the funny forwarded ones and stuff and what do i find? a whole SLOO of those forwarded texts of naked girls from people. i felt sooo bad. so i said "i thought i asked to not to have these anymore if we got back together?" and he said "its not my fault people send them to me" but they were locked, so obviously when he deletes his inbox they stay there, but he said thats just so he can forward them on. there was a couple from this one guy who i guess is one of his friends and after them there was a text saying "that's all the ones i have like that" or something along those lines so im wondering if he asks for them? i mean he doesnt seem like the type but.. he doesnt watch porn or anything he's really just not that type. sometimes he'll say something smart like "well you wont let me see yours!" [talking about boobs] but thats not entire true but it sorta is but thats because i was raised to have some respect and i dont like all this trashy stuff! not to mention im very self-conscious even though he tells me im the hottest/most beautiful girl he's been with. BUT STILL am i wrong for being upset at this? i realize he's a guy and blah blah but shouldn't he have some respect for me? and if i say anything about it he either kinda blows it off or brings up the fact that i have posters of guys in my room, but those are like the kind that you pull out of cosmogirl or seventeen where if anything the guy just has his shirt off.. compared to completely topless or nude girls.. i find that pretty different? this whole thing just makes my insides turn, am i completely in the wrong here? thanks & sorry so long! =/
The Answer
You are wrong here, because you shouldn't be looking at his phone.
Seriously. Neither of you should be. It's not cute. It's not a necessary part of a relationship. It builds distrust and resentment the moment is becomes an option.
I very much agree with what WittyUsernameHere said about this being what happens when technology out paces maturity, but I'd extend that comment to cover another big problem with new technology and relationships:
Somehow, people have started to think that cell phones, facebook & myspace pages, and even e-mail accounts are the property of BOTH people in the relationship. They aren’t. They are private.
It is illegal to read someone else’s mail. Why we've decided, as a culture, that going through our partners text messages and myspace message is acceptable is beyond me. Because that is also wrong and it’s destructive and contrary to the spirit of a healthy relationship.
You already know it’s wrong. If you thought it was okay, you wouldn’t have a problem showing him your phone, or even your diary or the notes you write to all your family and best friends… or anything at all you’ve ever done!
To assume that he wants to be more physical with you because of these images, well that is not fair or sensible and is rather disrespectful to him. If you think he is an otherwise good guy who adores you, then that is a rather harsh judgment to lay down. I think you did a smart thing in trying to get past this and in telling yourself you don’t have a right to be angry.
The only way you would have the right to be angry is he promised you to get rid of them and then didn’t. That would be wrong because of the lie, not because of the pictures, and it doesn’t sound like that happened
You are absolutely entitled to not like those sorts of images, and he is entitled too like them. Why you find yourself crying out ‘Shouldn’t he have some respect for me?!” remind yourself that respect goes both ways. If you disagree on this, it makes sense not to look on his phone or dig through his computer files or such, where you know you are going to see them.
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