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dependancy on my boyfriend
i think im dependant on my boyfriend. and i think its driving a wedge between us.
last time we dated, i think i drove him away, even though he swears i didnt. he wouldnt call for a day or two and id freak out and start bawling all the time and get these nervous pains in my stomach and i couldnt eat or sleep.
i mean, last time i saw him or talked to him was 2 days ago, and im already a wreck. im afraid hes already losing interest in me and i CANT lose him again. maybe someone whose already been married for a few years will understand. because when i love someone, i love DEEP.
i cant call him or just show up at his house because i dont do that. its against my philosophy. i forced myself to think that if a boy doesnt call me, he doesnt wanna talk to me. and if he doesnt wanna talk to me, then i shouldnt call. at all.
and since i think like that, if my boyfriend doesnt call me, i think he doesnt wanna talk to me. ive thought like this for years and i cant just change it.
i mean, maybe im just being paranoid, but how do i talk to him about this without scaring him shitless or driving him away even more? i cant lose him again. i wanna fix this for us.
someone PLEASE tell me what i should do! im desperate!
thank you to anyone who actually answers without calling me a psycho. O:)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Your philosophy sucks ass.
AND it's going to make you miserable, not just in this relationship but for the rest of your life in probably everything you apply it too. You start thinking this way about your schoolwork or your job, and you’re life will be unbearably stressful.
Good news is, it's YOUR philosophy, so YOU have the power to change it.
YES, you CAN change it. It will be hard. It will take work. It will hurt and feel really bad at first. But you better, unless you enjoy being miserable and watching every decent relationship you have fail.
You are taking from him. Always taking, taking, taking, and giving very little back. You are demanding he do all the work and not even showing you care enough for him to pick up a telephone or type out an e-mail.
First thing: Pick up the damn phone. Scream and cry and throw things if that’s what it takes for you to manage it, but DO IT anyways.
Second thing: See a counselor. This approach to life has probably spilled over into other things for you, and if you can’t overcome your insecurities and fears on your own, then you need professional help to do so. Stop leaning so heavily on your boyfriend. If he had the power to fix you, he would have done it by now. Only YOU have that power, so you better get on it.
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Here is the best advice I can give you about dating--Try to look at things from the other person's point of view. Think about the things you say to him, and wonder how you would take it if it was him saying it to you.
Remember that love is supposed to be nice, especially when you're in deep. Things can be as good as you want them to be, so enjoy things. You may not be the most confident person, but that doesn't mean you can't fake it til you make it. Force yourself to do other things besides waiting around for the phone to ring. He will realize that you are independent, and you will seem all the sexier.
One more little thing...Usually guys will call more than once every couple of days when you are in a relationship. I don't know your boyfriend, but I would say he is avoiding you for one of three reasons...
1. He's getting a kick out of all of the attention you give him when he is playing hard to get.
2. Every time he calls, you nag at him and argue, so he doesn't want to talk to you because he knows it is going to be a pain.
3. He is wondering why he is always having to chase you and call you.
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