about

My name is Laura and I'm 28 years old. I live in Illinois and work as a licensed veterinary technician. I am a runner, bookworm and obviously, an animal lover.


I've been on this site since '05. I take hiatuses, but I'm never gone for good. I enjoy giving advice and I've made such lovely friends on this site that I couldn't imagine giving it up!

chat it up yo.


ps. here's my bestestestest friend.
I love him. You will too :)

advice

So lately my friends are telling me I'm flirting, but I'm thinking their meaning of flirting is different than mine. Plus I have a boyfriend, so I have no intention of actually flirting or taking anything anywhere. Anyways, do you think having a conversation with someone and laughing and what not is flirting. Maybe I'm just blindsided and don't realize I'm doing it or something but yeah. Also, if I AM flirting and have a boyfriend, is there anything wrong with innocent flirting, either knowing you are or not?

There's a fine line between having a nice conversation and flirting.


Having a conversation and laughing with someone is not flirting. If that was the case, I would flirt with every single person on the planet because I laugh a lot.


Flirting is when you're saying playful things, like "You look so cute tonight." or something along those lines. Flirting is when you tease somebody and/or give them a hard time because you like them. Flirting is when you're trying to get the person you're talking to to get that you're into them. Having a conversation is simply talking, and laughing because you're enjoying yourself. See what I mean- big difference.


Having a conversation and laughing is harmless. Flirting (when you have a boyfriend) isn't. It's not a super huge deal, but you shouldn't be doing it.


-Laura (17-f)

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I've been looking at different websites to see if it's good for you. And all of them say it's healthy and good for you. But my question is for girls. One of my ex's didn't like that I did it and was hurt when she found out I would watch porn. I just want to know how other girls feel about it? Do you think it's harmless to your relationship and good for your boyfriend, or do you think it's bad and means he doesn't love or care about you?

Honestly? It doesn't really bother me if a guy watches porn. I mean, I'm not by any means going to encourage my boyfriend to watch it, but I won't think any less of him for watching it because:


A. I'd rather him watch porn than try to get me to do anything that I am uncomfortable with and/or not ready for.

B. It's really not a big deal, unless it's taking a toll on the relationship (which, most of the time, it won't.


And you're 15, if people expect you to never watch porn, they're idiots. It's just such a taboo topic to some people, and it makes some people really uncomfortable, and I think your ex was one of those people.


But like I said, it's really not a huge issue.


-Laura (17-f)

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My friend is taking lots of drugs.
I asked her what she's taken and she listed a lot of things including Crack and LSD...
Shrooms, E, pot... Much, much more.

)': It hurts me a lot to know this...
What can I do?

I want to help her...
But when she's not on drugs, she gets really depressed. and Cuts her self...

She use to cut herself, then got on drugs... now doesn't cut herself...


What can I do or say?

Be there for her, and get her help. Talk to her and let her know that cutting and drugs aren't going to make anything better. Let her know they will only makes things worse for her.


Most importantly, just be there for her and be her shoulder to cry on. Listen to her and let her know it's ok for her to open up to you, because you won't judge her and/or criticize her.


And finally, get her help. Take her to a doctor, or find another way to get her help. Don't do it behind her back unless she absolutely will NOT get help.


-Laura (17-f)

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what are popular songs nowadays that you can dance to
(slow dancing or fast, upbeat works)
any ideas would be great (:

Lovegame by Lady Gaga.
I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas.
Fire Burning by Sean Kingston.
Good Girls go Bad by Cobra Starship (I love this song!)
Don't Trust Me by 3oh!3.


I really don't listen to radio, so that's all I have. But here's another helpful link:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=545691


:)


-Laura (17-f)

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hey neighbor! so yah my parentals are really trying to make me do football but they arent actually MAKING me. they just keep talkin bout it and saying like if i dont wanna do it, i have to call the coach! ugh! i dont know how to convince them that i dont like football :(. i just wanna do music and stuff so i dont know please if you have any ideas, tell me!

♥
Kyle

Just tell your parents you do NOT want to play football. It's your life, and not theirs, anyways.


Just let them know that you want to do music, because it's something you really enjoy doing and whatnot, and football is just NOT.


-Laura (17-f)

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Is age 16, female, 'very beautiful' (what most men call me) normal to STILL be a virgin ? I think something's wrong with me ! I'm starting to feel depressed that all my friends arent. help !

I'm 17 and I'm a virgin. I get the "you're so pretty!" compliments, too (not to be conceited, because I don't believe them anyways.)


Regardless, It's totally normal to be a virgin. If anything, it makes you even more beautiful because you have values and morals and aren't just throwing your virginity away like other girls our age. Just because your friends aren't virgins doesn't mean you shouldn't be one. Stick to your values.


:)


-Laura (17-f)

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Im friends with this guy and i have a huge crush on him.
ok, heres how it started... a couple months ago, me, my friend/crush, and alison were playing truth or dare... and she dared him to kiss me, he kissed me, then she dared me to kiss him so i kissed...then he kissed me and we just kept going back and forth and we had a total make out sesion. i had to go. and when i left he told alison that he had so many more feelings for me now that we made out. i don't know if i should ask him out or what?? i can never get him out of my head.

WHAT DO I DO, IM DESPERATE RITE NOW?????????

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=543173


From there:


Well, there are 2 major options you can go about to solve this problem:


1. Be blunt about it.
2. Be shy about it.


I highly suggest being blunt about it, and either asking him if he's into you too, or simply asking him out yourself. Guys like when girls show confidence, and there's no better way to show you're confident than walking up to a guy and asking him out!


Or, you can go the other route and be shy about it, possibly doing nothing to show him you're interested in him. Sometimes, people who use this method drop subtle hints such as smiling [which is common in girls and doesn't always show you're into a guy] or having a friend ask if he's into you [this only shows that you're too shy to do it yourself]. This option is really kind of stupid, and is used all too much...


As I always say:
Life is WAY too short to not take chances and risks once in a while. Why sit around wondering what could've been, what would've been and what should've been, when you can answer all of those questions and then some by being honest and telling a boy how you really feel about him?



-Laura (17-f)

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Hey
So Im in love with this guy who well call Bob for now..Me and Bob dated twice. I think hes love bipolar if that makes sense..He likes me then he hates me then he loves me then he hates me again...it sucks but i care about him so much!! all my friends are usless so can anyone help me?

If he's messing with you like this (I love you, I hate you, now I love you, again I hate you!) then he's not worth it. There are plenty of guys out there, and you shouldn't stay hung up on this one who doesn't treat you well.


Move on, find another guy. Find one who will treat you right and is worth your time. Like I said, this guy isn't worth it.


-Laura (17-f)

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and im in love with him, like madly in love with him. we dated for 5 months and he broke up with me. i had problems between him and my dad, my dad couldnt stand him and all that crap. and he said we needed a break. so i cryed and yeah, i was at my friends house when it happened. and the next day i hooked up with his bestfriend, i was not thinking at all. i totally ruined the chances with him again. he waas so upset and i felt terrible.

he had a bestfriend, and it was a girl, and they were bestfriends for a long time, i mean i didnt even have a big problem with her going over hhis house and stuff cuz i trusted both of them. a few weeks later.. they hooked up and "knew it was love." they started going out and hiding it from me and ugh i found out and i cryed so hard. and i still do ! the problem is .. I CANT GET OVER HIM ! its been months ! ive had boyfriends after him but no one is good like him, and i just wanna be with him ! me and her are not cool AT ALL. and always saying shit back and forth. they have a breaking up and getting back together thing going on right now. and i still talk to him, and everytime we hang out he cheats on her with me, i cant help it, and he tells me he loves me, and its just.. i wanna know if hes using me, and how to get over him, and just i cant take this pain anymore. pplease help me !?

I have found, firsthand, that the best way to get over a guy is to do the following:


Step 1: Have a really good cry.
- When my boyfriend and I broke up, I was super upset (like words cannot describe how bad I felt). But I told myself that I wasn't going to let it flip my entire world upside down. So I let myself have one really good cry, and then I told myself I'm going to start moving on. Which brings me to...


Step 2: Friends = lifesavers.
- Go to the mall and buy yourself something nice (don't over spend, though. Just something small, but nice. Like a new outfit or purse!) Or go see a movie, or out to dinner or something! Don't mope around your house all day doing nothing.


Step 3: Talk about it.
- It feels SO good to let it all out. Sit down with somebody you trust (for me, it was my mom) and just spill your heart out. Again, don't let it ruin your life or impact you too much.


Step 4: Move ON!
- Stop talking to him for a while (you need to give yourself time to get OVER him). Don't stalk his Facebook, spend time with other people, and don't even waste time TALKING about him.


Honestly, it's going to take time, and it's going to be hard, but once you get over him you will feel SO much better. I promise you that this guy is NOT worth wasting all of your time on, and that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Go out and find a new guy that treats you right and is WORTH your time. Forget about this guy ASAP. You're young and have plenty of time for guys. And, as one of my favorite books puts it: The first boy is always the hardest.


Best of luck! :)


-Laura (17-f)

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Hey, I need a VERY cute outfit to wear to school what should i wear. Its gonmna be sunny (aka i live in southern cali.)

You know what you should do? Wear what you want to wear. Go to your favorite store, and buy a new outfit that you love and that makes you feel great.


If you FEEL good, you'll LOOK good.


-Laura (17-f)

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what happens when YOu love this boy ... but YOu think he doesnt love YOu?? and you ahve tried talking to him about it.. and YOu have tried talking to his friends.. wht do YOu do??

Christina is absolutely right.


You can't MAKE somebody love you. You sound young, so just leave him alone. You have plenty of time for guys.


-Laura (17-f)

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My friends just dumped me. For. Good. I'm kinda shy, and have this big deal about jumping into a group. I've been sitting alone at lunch, but there's this group I really want to get into. I have two friends in it. Not like close friends, but friends nonetheless. And the guy I like is in this group. But the group is kinda out there. Pretty much all they wear is black, and they listen to music that I've never even heard of. I've heard of some of it..but not enough to impress anyone. I want to get into this group, but I don't want to change myself for them. How do I do that!?

It's good that you don't want to change yourself. I've got to say, that's an excellent state of mind to have right now.


That being said, just try and talk to them. Just because you don't listen to the same music doesn't mean you don't have other common interests. Talk about movies, your teachers, books, sports, anything. I'm SURE you can find something else that you have in common with them :)


Also, here's a helpful link:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=548311


-Laura (17-f)

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what if i never get a peroid?

You will.


And just for future reference, the actual age you should start worrying (if you've yet to get your period) is 18, not 16.


-Laura (17-f)

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I'm a 14-year-old girl. As I was leaving school the other day, I was walking with a casual male friend. As we were talking, he developed a
very large, very obvious erection. I was so embarrassed for him! I pretended not to notice, and didn't say anything, but he seemed
mortified, and left in a hurry. What should I have done?

You were right to not acknowledge it. You would have made him 100 times more embarrassed if you would have said something to him about it.


-Laura (17-f)

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this is going to sound stupid, but i'm a 14 year old girland i want to find love. i think i have a picture in my mind of the boy i want and i think my standards might be too high because everytime i find something that might have a shot, i push the boy away. should i wait for the right boy and stop looking or the other way around?

I think you should do a little bit of both. You should wait for the perfect guy, but don't rule out dating altogether. Since you're young, you have plenty of time for guys.


You should try dating guys, because people will surprise you. You might find that what you're looking for actually ISN'T what you want, know what I mean? Sure, you'll get a few duds, but if you date guys, it will help you narrow down just exactly what you do and do not want in a guy/relationship.


Now, I'm not saying date your entire school, but if you're interested in a guy and he shows interest back, don't be afraid to test it out.


-Laura (17-f)

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i have a small room can you give me advise on where to put things i dont no n i have alot of stuff

Get storage bins. You can buy long, flat ones so you can slide them under your bed. You can keep a bunch of stuff in them, and since they can fit under your bed, they won't take up any room.


Another tip, utilize the space in your closet. Put up a shelving unit in your closet, and you'll get a lot more space out of it. Plus, it's an easy way to keep organized!


Also, make sure to get rid of stuff you don't need. Get rid of things that are just taking up space, or things that you never have and/or never will use.


If you need more help, just send a question to my inbox :)


-Laura (17-f)

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help me! this person in my class is threating to kill me! he keeps saying dont tell any parents or he really will kill me, and when i try telling them they dont believe me! what should i do?

Tell somebody at school, like somebody said below. If your parents aren't listening, find another trusted adult to tell.


-Laura (17-f)

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i have 3 best friends. one in which is a guy. we go on and off with trying to like each other as more than just friends. but it never works. and that's okay because we continue being friends anyway. lately we have been closer than ever(in a bff type way)and i absolutely love it. i don't really want that to change. BUT he told me last night that he wants more than just "bff" and that he is going to stop being with other girls for me. i said i don't think he could do that(hes sort of a player)even though i know he would for me. i don't even know if i want him as more than a friend at this point. what i do know is i don't want to waste his time. what should i do?

Stay friends, and nothing more. Why, you ask? Just re read your question:


1. "we go on and off with trying to like each other as more than just friends. but it never works."
- It NEVER works. And you say you're ok with that, so why not just keep things the way they are?

2. "i don't really want that to change."
- Self explanatory. You don't WANT to be more than Bff's with him. And that's totally ok.

3. "i don't even know if i want him as more than a friend at this point."
- To me, it sounds like you don't. And like I said, that's ok.


So, the point of all of this is that you really don't sound like you want a relationship with him. Don't force yourself into anything, as it will only make the relationship 10 times more complicated. Just stay friends, and let him know that that is all you are comfortable with right now.


-Laura (17-f)

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How do you know when a guy you've met is the right one? And after how long of knowing eachother,when are two people considered 'dating'? People can just be really good friends,right? What is the main difference between really good friends and boyfriend/girlfriend? I am a 17f

1. Like the person below said (again, not matter how cheesy this is) you KNOW when they one you're with is THE one.


2. I'm not sure on this one, I guess it's when the two of you stop seeing other people and only go on dates with each other? If you're not sure, you can always ask the guy casually, maybe even flirty, "So what, exactly, are we?" or something?


3. Yup. My best friends is a guy!


4. Good friends are just that- good friends. But when you're boyfriend/girlfriend with somebody, it's taken to the next level. They give you butterflies, you hold their hand, kiss, etc.


I hope this helps.


-Laura (17-f)

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So ive been friends with this girl tanya basically my whole life and last summer we became bestfriends. than towards the end of the year we started being friends with these group of girls..and within the group tanya was just really bitchy and just overall a bad friend so we all decided not to be friends with her..however, a couple monthes later now, im starting to miss her a lott and i want my bestfriend back. so i texted her and she said it would take time before we ever became friends again..but the problem is i dont know where to go from here..do i text her or do i wait it out for her to text me. im so confused! helppp!

Wait it out. Give her time to get over things, and let her come to you.


Repairing a friendship is going to be tough, and it's probably going to take a while, but if you're patient and really serious about it, you'll be fine. Like I said, just give Tanya time (because she has made it clear that she needs some) to get over the things that happened between the two of you. When she is ready, she will come to you and then the two of you can work on being friends again.


-Laura (17-f)

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