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dating your best friend
i have 3 best friends. one in which is a guy. we go on and off with trying to like each other as more than just friends. but it never works. and that's okay because we continue being friends anyway. lately we have been closer than ever(in a bff type way)and i absolutely love it. i don't really want that to change. BUT he told me last night that he wants more than just "bff" and that he is going to stop being with other girls for me. i said i don't think he could do that(hes sort of a player)even though i know he would for me. i don't even know if i want him as more than a friend at this point. what i do know is i don't want to waste his time. what should i do?
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Be honest with him. By not telling him how you REALLY feel, you're only hurting him in the end, especially if he finds out on his own that you don't want to be with him. I know you probably don't want to hurt his feelings..but, he needs to know the truth. There's not a guarantee he won't be hurt though.
Just tell him (in a nice, calm way) that you like being close..but as friends only.
Here's a link to a similar question that has been answered by a few people on this site..
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Stay friends, and nothing more. Why, you ask? Just re read your question:
1. "we go on and off with trying to like each other as more than just friends. but it never works."
- It NEVER works. And you say you're ok with that, so why not just keep things the way they are?
2. "i don't really want that to change."
- Self explanatory. You don't WANT to be more than Bff's with him. And that's totally ok.
3. "i don't even know if i want him as more than a friend at this point."
- To me, it sounds like you don't. And like I said, that's ok.
So, the point of all of this is that you really don't sound like you want a relationship with him. Don't force yourself into anything, as it will only make the relationship 10 times more complicated. Just stay friends, and let him know that that is all you are comfortable with right now.
-Laura (17-f)
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Hey.
Oh this sounds complicated. But you said a few things that caught my attention. You said that they two of you "go on and off with trying to like each other as more than just friends". You probably shouldn't try to like him as more than a friend. Especially if you say that it hasn't worked out in the past.
You also said that you love how close the two of you are now as BFFs. It seems that he likes being this close to you too, but in his case being this close to you is causing him to develop romantic feelings for you again. But it seems like you don't really feel the same way.
It seems like you aren't exactly sure of what you want. In a typical relationship where both people are sure about being together, things don't always work out. And the problem with not being sure is that it makes it much more likely for the relationship to not work out. It isn't a good idea to go into a relationship with doubts. I think you need to be honest with him and tell him that you aren't sure if this is what you want. Tell him exactly what you've told us. Remind him that it hasn't worked out and that you love having him as your best friend. And maybe if you want, tell him that you need time to sort out what it is that you want. Continue to hang out with him and see where your feelings go from them. You might start to like him as more, or maybe no. Some people are just meant to be friends. I wish you the best. Take care. <3
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If you don't want to be more than friends, tell him that. You don't want to lead him on.
If you want to try it out, I say go for it, because if it doesn't work out, you can always go back to being friends; sure, it will be a little difficult, but things will work out.
What I don't understand is why your "About The Questioner" says "Male", but all your questions are from female perspective...
--Jack
(17/m)
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