Gender:
FemaleLocation:
Washington stateOccupation:
RetiredAge:
64Member Since:
April 24, 2013Answers:
7093Last Update:
October 11, 2025Visitors:
128838Favorite Columnists
solidadvice4teens
Hollywood22
adviceman49
GiddyGeezer
Razhie
kittenlover2000
Grandfather
rosalee
missundersmock
teehigh
gr8fruit
more...
Main Categories:
Love Life
Families
General Sex Questions
View All
about
Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
advice
I started using the triphasil pill since 16 jan 2015 and have not missed one pill,i take it at the same time everyday but this past 2 weeks iv been takin it a bit late sometimes an hour later or so cause i take it at 5am..i had unprotected sex on the 11 june so like will i get pregnant seeing that i took it late and had sex eventho i did not miss a pill yet...iv gotten back on track with taking it a 5am again
An hour or two late will not affect your protection. If you skip a whole day entirely, that is another matter.
Can you tell me all about the mailing lists on blogs and how exactly do you earn money from it? Like do you add your bank account to it, if so, how? Thank you..........
Never give out your bank account to anyone. If you want to earn money online like sales of items, then you would create a paypal account. Paypal you can trust to be as private as a bank with your info. and okay to put your bank info in there. If a person owes you money on line, theor payment goes into your paypal account and from there, it goes into your bank account if you set it up that way.
I dont know anything about mailing list online that require your bank info. If you simply want to receive info from a blog sent regularly to your email...i beleive all they need is your email address. If you wish to purchase information online, a reputable company will have privacy set ups so if you use paypal to pay out or credit card, that info. is blanked out so the reciever of the money only has a notice they recievec monies from you, but doesnt recieive your bank account or credit card info.
Well the title of my question is a big give away, but obviously you'll need a bit more information. I'm a thirteen year old girl, and I cut myself. I started around a few months ago, to see what it was like. My sister saw my cuts, we had a long talk and I had managed to convince her and my mum that I tried it once and thought it was awful. When really I didn't, I know it's messed up and stupid but I cut myself because it's fun- not because I'm depressed or angry. I'll be having the best day ever and I'll still want to cut and I always think about it. I still only do it just to draw a bit of blood, not very deep and I only have a couple of faint scars on my thighs (which is where I cut) but I'm starting to do it a bit more often and I need to stop now before I lose control completely. I'm already addicted so it's going to be hard to stop, but I need to. I've got a holiday coming up with my family and close family friends and I want to avoid the awkward situation where I turn up at the swimming pool with cut marks all down my legs. I know it'd be easier to have someone for the support, but my friends that did know abandoned me and my only friend would tell someone if she found out. I want to do this without anyone finding out, I know you should always be honest but some things are better left unsaid and I'd lose my mother's trust completely if she knew. I don't get triggered by anything it's just always at the back on my mind. What I'm asking is if anyone has some advice or techniques about how to go about stopping. If you're just going to lecture me about telling an adult then I appreciate the concern but that's not what I want, I want some advice on how to do this on my own. I do the elastic band thing as well as cutting so that's probably not much help. I'd really appreciate some helpful advice, and if you're someone who has delt with this themselves and has any tips on how they stopped that would be great. Thank you for taking an interest in trying to help if you do.
It takes at least a month to break a bad habit and for some people even more. As you'll have heard from others with a common addiction like to smoking cigarettes, going cold turkey and just stopping is very hard.
There are many people who truly want to stop what they are addicted to, realize its not something that is for their ultimate best, but in the end they can't. Why? Do others have the same problem, unable to quit?
Well, it probably takes a psychologist to get at the deep down details, but in a nutshell your conscious mind, your awake mind wants to quit. However for some reason, your subconscious mind does not, gets some kind of pay off from this, even if not depressed and happy. It will be hard for you to discover that on your own without help. So you do need to reach out. Considering your circumstances of no depression and such as you say, there are no obvious reasons to treat to take away the desire...so that requires more research by a professional. If you dont wish to tell anyone, then you will have to learn to live with this for however long that may be.
I know his faveorite candy is smarties what about if I bought him a few bags of those.
That sounds god to me. its always the thought that counts
I am 52 I moved to las veags 3yr ago.to help my mum,about 3 months after I was here I ended up having 3 disks and a rod in my back.i have had 3 more surgerys. at this point I live with my mum I do not drive,i have no friends,i am no were near the peron I used to be I am deprest, I have been on line dateing not going well. I am 6-3 240lbs I am retierd, need help thank you
I understand the need to socialize and use your mind to interact with people. If there are no places close enough to walk to or take a bus to, perhaps you might consider using the internet to socialize, but not with on line dating. With dating, no matter male or female, when looking for a partner, everyone has their own set of ideas of what they are looking for and some can judge instantly when it comes to meeting and you have no way to meet a person at a coffee shop and need a ride from the female and live with your mom. I know theres a good reason for it but most people cant see past that.
So for now, I would like to suggest on line simulation called "Second Life." It is a similation in which you create your avatar and interact with other people on line doing everything people do in real life, like dancing, horseback riding, surfing, shopping, decorating ones home, meeting and dating people on line.
In fact, there are a lot of retired people doing this. It is a great outlet for the really old old people who still have a sharp mind, or those with handicaps, lingering illness or stuck in wheelchairs, etc. My hubby and I play. He has talked several times to women whose sole job is to be 24/7 caregiver for a husband who is slowly dying. She has no conversation or itimacy with him and just needs people to talk to and have romance on line with. It isn't limited to what is just like the real horse, but you can experience being a fairy, an alien, an animal, a vampire, etc... whatever you can dream up, its available in Second life. It takes a little US money to get going but the nice thing is that the game money, called Lindens are approximately a ratio of $4.00 us DOLLAR equaling $1,000. Linden. So it doesnt take too much to get started. People find ways to earn game money inside the system either as DJs for clubs, as a performer, singing for one hour jobs in bars and dance ballrooms, or helping host or hostess such a place. There are those who get paid to help build things like real on line universities are in there where the students create and avatar and listen to the teacher also an avatar give the lessons and it actually counts in real life for attending the school. No, its not a replacement for real life datiing but it does take care of a persons needs to socialize. You can be doing that while still keeping a profile going on a dating site.
Well I (female,26) haven't talked to my friend (male, 28) in over a month almost two and we usually text at least once a week if not more. I've texted him a few times and even asked if everything was alright but no response. I want to make sure he's not mad at me or something but he isn't replying to the texts or Facebook when I wrote him on there (it told me that he was last on like 10 minutes before I wrote him but now it won't say which also seems kinda weird) and I haven't tried calling him yet and that's the only ways I know to get a hold of him (he lives in another state) besides texting his wife whose number he gave me ( I am also married we've been friends since high school) but I don't know if that would be weird and annoying or something. I just don't want the reason he isn't talking to me to be that he's mad at me because there's no reason he should be. So how do I find out what's going on so that if there was a misunderstanding or something I can clear it up?
Hon, you don't know if he is having phone trouble and just doesnt know it yet, unable to receive calls, or broke it...lost it and depending on whether he had insurance on it or not, he may not be able to replace it instantly and is saving up to replace it.
Being mad at you for no reason is very very unlikely and of course makes no sense.
Perhaps there is something big going on in the lives of him and wife and extended family. Perhaps a family member is ill or in hospital. Perhaps they have had some unexpected expenses arise, a loss of job, things that he really isnt prepared to share with a friend as there is nothing you can do to change whatever it is. When a persons mind is consumed to focusing on their prblems or issues, they will not feel like chatting with friends. Maybe he doesnt realize that all you need to hear is, "Have problems not ready to chat. Dont call me, I'll call you" but not all people tend to think of how the other person takes their silence.
Just pray if you're a praying person that all is alright and give him time to get back to you. I doon't know how often you kept in touch before close friends who live in other states and are married dont tend to keep in touch weekly and rarely have I heard of those who keep in touch monthly. I have a friend from childhood whom I chat with now twice a year. We are busy with our own lives, children and grandchildren, jobs, and family and few find time to keep in touch often. Sometimes for some peoople, if their mate is the right sort of person, the needs they used to go to a friend for now are taken care of by a mate, those emotional needs, need to lean on someone, bounce ideas off of someone, that sort of thing.
I can't say what would be considered too much contact on your part so that he or the wife begin to feel exasperated by that. Only you know them well enough. So if its all because you want peace of mind, you likely aren't going to get it. Send a nice card. Thinking of you kind of card. And let him know that if he doesnt feel a need to keep in touch as often as you have in past to just let you know how often would be comfortable with him, as currently you are concerned since you haven't heard anything at all and are worried something is wrong. Thats all you need to do. No response at all still, then don't keep trying, let it go and know it wasn't you because he had his chance to let you know what is up and if he chooses to not communicate, then he is the one causing this non communication, his choice to pull away from you as a friend. This is something a friend would not do to a friend. So he may be really mixed up in his head to act that way and you can not change it. Just pray for him, send a card and leave it at that.
What should I make for my Dad? I already made him a. card but I want to make him something else.
Its not like you have much time at this point to create a paper weight or something crafty to hang from his rear view mirror, so a food item would be fastest. Hopefully he's not diabetic and can enjoy baked cookies. Even then, theres recipes to be found on line for diabetics or even gluten free. The easiest is to create a coupon book with coupons for things you're willing to do for him to redeem anytime he wants. I can't give you all the ideas but perhaps one is to bake him a pie or cookies, another, a shoulder massage or nice scalp massage, maybe if he has a workshop or tool box, a coupon for organizing his tools for him. THis all gives you time to look up ideas on organzing a work shop or tools for example. I don't know what your Dad likes so hard to give more ideas related to him.
I am a 23 year old female and Father's Day is tomorrow and I still havent gotten my dad anything for Father's Day but i have am flat broke I have no money at all. Is it okay with me being 23there to make him something?
There is no age limit to making a gift with your own hands. By the way, when a person gets to your dads age; there isn't much that we haven't already got that money can buy. At this point in life, as a parent speaking, it is the more thoughtful and handmade gifts that are much more meaningful and memorable. For example, I do not remember any of my Mothers day gifts over the years except for one. When my daughters collaborated to bring me breakfast in bed and each had written me a poem of how much I meant to them. It brought tears of joy to my eyes. They couldn't afford anything else and I am glad because that was the best present I have ever got from my kids.
Hi there I am 24 female..my sexarche started since I was 20 and I was diagnosed with pcos when I was 16..i used to have oligoanavolations but after being active in sexual life my periodic cycles normalised..but last year I had to take birth control pills after intercourse..thats when my problems resumed again...i missed my cycles then it irregularised..and from a few months I an noticing that I am losing interest in having sex..i don't find any excitement and whenever I engage in intercourse I feel how fast it'd end and coldness prevails...i feel embarrassed in front of my bf because of my decreasing libido...what should I do?does pcos have anything to do with libido?
The internet is a fount of good information.
Here's a website with symptoms and complications of having PCOS. No where does it mention having a low libido or non as a side effect.
http://www.hormone.org/diseases-and-conditions/womens-health/polycystic-ovary-syndrome
However, when I did a search asking if PCOS can cause low libido, I got the following website, which says it can be related in that there could be a hormonal imbalance (due to PCOS) and low hormones will affect sex drive. Men can suffer from the same if low on testosterone. Here
is that website link:
https://www.pcos.com/low-sex-drive-and-pcos
Stress and depression are more often what causes low libido. Also dwindling of closeness, intimacy between two people can bring on having little libido and no excitement with sex. And lasting, I know from experience with 1st husband that two people can be sexually mismatched and not inspire much passion in each other and what little there is disappears after the newness of the relationship is over. So on an off chance, he may be the wrong guy for you. I would think one way to find out is having Dr. test your hormone levels and treat it. Then once your hormones are okay, if you still continue to feel nothing with the boyfriend, you may have to face the fact that nothing medical is affecting it.
That woould mean the issue is something going on between you and him.
You did mention how fast sex would end and you feel cold. Hon, that is something many women without your medical problems face sexually simply because their men are poor lovers.
For one thing, there needs to be a playfulness, intimacy before the sex act, Women need to be slowly seduced with foreplay. I am talking more than foreplay tho, in the form of how he shows his desire in intimate ways and makes you look forward to the time set aside for lovemaking in private. Does he pat your butt as you walk by, how about lots of hugs and caresses daily along with kisses and nibbles on a daily basis. Or how about playing with your hair, massaging your scalp or shoulders, telling you often how beautiful you are, giving you admiring looks and trying to peek down your shirt often and say I love you alot. Women are like irons for clothes. We take a long time to finally get hot, but once hot, it also takes us a long time to cool back down and be done. For men, its different, like flicking a light switch, instantly hot and just as instantly done. If he doesnt spend enough time on you giving you several orgasms by hand, toy or intercourse before he allows himself to come, then he's not doing his job of satisfying you and it's not your libido but a fact that he has no idea what you need. Tell him if this is the case. If he is too lazy to do this with you every time, then kick his sorry ass out the door cus he doesn't really care enough about you. If he did, he'd make sure your sexual needs were met first before allowing himself to enjoy as well.
hey i an from Limpopo.im in a new relationship.me n my bf we a naw datin for 1month n 3days.i love my bf so much n i try to make him happy but dat doesnt hide de fact dat my bf is still inlove wth his ex who has died.wen he need me i go n be wth him.on saturday it was his bdae n i made a suprise party for him n i invited his friends n ada gals.he was very happy n i was happy to see him happy.but dat dae at nyt he said i shuld not leave i shuld sleep ova n i did so.he started talking abt his ex who died n his ex was buried on saturday on his bdae.he told me dat he is over her n he dnt luv her anymore but his actions was telling me another story.he evn cried for his ex infront of me n didnt wt tu du or wat to say.my heart was heavy wen he was kissing me he suddenly stopped n he said he cant.yesterdae he removed de status on watsap he wrote abt me n write dat he love his ex n he change a profile pic n put his ex.i cried alone n my hurt was heavy realising dat im truly,madly n deeply inlove wth him.what do i have to do?
grief will do strange things to people and all have their own way of grieving. Perhaps, even though she was his ex and they'd already split and decided to go their own ways, there still was some kind of caring for her. If it was not a mutual decision to split up and she left him, then he's likely never got over her. If he is the one that wanted out and broke up with her, he may have cared about her but there were too many differences where they coudnt make a good team so he left. I don't know how long ago his ex died, but if he left her, he may be feeling guilt as well that she is dead, like he could have prevented it somehow if he was still there which is most likely not true at all. Whos to know how his mind is working. Allow him to have his time to grieve. It takes most people varying lengths of time to go through the grief process but after a certain point in time, if they got stuck in that processs and are still not over it, it prevents them from going on with their own life.
Here's a link that might help you understand what he's going through.
http://www.washington.edu/counseling/resources/resources-for-students/healthy-grieving/
The next link will show you the difference between healthy and unhealthy grief. You may not know him that well, but you might be able to talk to friends or family of his who know him much better to know whether he is going through healthy grief or not. Otherwise, hang in there. But if after a year there is no change, you may not want to hang around longer, considering the two of you are on hold still and he never really got to know you enough to really be drawn to you.
http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/779/healthy-grief-unhealthy-grief.html
Hi! I am girl and I think I am a procrastinator.
I always do my school stuff on the last minute! I always do my homework early in the morning while in class. I also do my assignments the night before and I don't study at home. I always do useless stuff like surfing the web, watching TV or listen to music instead of doing my assignments and homework.
I don't know why but I can't seem to stop this. Right now as I am typing this I have this assignment that is due tomorrow but I didn't even start writing it.
Am I a procrastinator?
Btw this started last year.
You're the only one who has a chance of knowing what holds you back. We can't really know why you procrastinate.
If you suddenly switched personality a year ago and weren't like this before, then you need to think back to what was going on a year ago, something that you might not equate to starting you down this path but that which might affect your subconscious and make you choose this behavior, most likely occurred a year ago.
So don't even try to make the connection. Just make a list of anything that happened in your life or the lives of those real close to you, a change from how things have always been. That might be enough to explain away why you procrastinate now. I'd be interested to know what those changes are from a year ago. But I still couldn't help you deal with how those changes made you choose procrastination. Since procrastination is not a very productive thing and is more along the lines of a self sabotaging manuever, there has to be a psychological reason why...something that happened a year ago and a professionl counselor is going to be better equipped to help or able to pass you on to someone that can help if you want to be able to stop doing this.
My dream has always been to go to the ocean and etcc. My family has never gone for two main reasons my dad hates them, and my mom hates flying.
I told my boyfriend (whom I've been with 3 years) that I have always wanted to go there since I was little. Next month is my 23 birthday, and he surprised me by booking a trip to take me there! I am so excited!
However, I am worried my mom is going to be very angry. I told her how I wanted to visit a friend who moved to Texas for a job and she said "oh no I would be too nervous you flying there" she has always done stuff like this. I didn't go to the college of my choice, because it was 2 hours away and that was too far away from her.
I am worried about her reaction when I tell her. Should I feel bad? What should I say? I'm not wrong, am I?
Your parents job with parenting is done. They no longer have a say in what you do with your life. As a parent of 3 daughters from your age on up, I can say though, that we never stop worrying or even being concerned about our childrens choices in life. However its their life, not mine. I have no right to tell them what to do. I am now in the advisor role. But...and its a big BUT...I can not advise them what to do, share my opinion unless they are asking me for it. Thats my role now as parent, as someone who knows them well, their sounding board. I may at times have a point, but their mistakes, if any are theirs to make too.
Your mom has a fear. That is not asked for advise. If you choose not to fly out to the ocean to make her feel better...guess what you are doing? The truth is...you are enabling her to remain stuck with a fear. If this is her only fear, thats one thing but she may have other fears too. Fact is more people die in car accidents than plane accidents. Is she worried everytime you drive somewhere? I would say its not just personal fears like flying she's dealing with, but she is unable to release you to be an adult, she is clinging onto the parenting role, unable to make the natural move most parents do, to support their children through early adulthood.
You already are in a mode of catering to moms fears and moms suggestions to make her happy and not worry. This does not help her move on but you are supporting her in remaining stuck. And as much as you would like to think it, what you are doing has nothing to do with the Bibles admonition to Honor your parents. You can honor them as parents but not follow their bidding when it comes to living your life. You can consider and listen to what input they have to give...that is being honorful of your parents but YOU have to weigh their input in any big life decisions and then still decide for yourself which really hold any valid concern, which are flimsy or just plain fears of the parent. A parent can actually be wrong too at times. Imagine never in your life going to the ocean, never marrying the guy you wanted to, never taking the job you wanted to and when mom finally passes one day, you will realize you don't really know who you are anymore as you have lived your life for mom, allowing her to life her life through you. You don;t have the life you'd have wanted for yourself and at mid life may consider it too late to start so you are angry and miserable for the rest of yours feeling cheated. But I have to point out, it would be ALL your own fault. You made the choice to give the control of your life over to Mom. That is not what it takes to truly Love and honor a parent. So don't allow her to place any guilt trip on you if you choose and do contrary to what she likes. SHe can say you don't love her or care about her and that would be false, unfair and also manipulative and also a fact that with that manipulation, she has some very real issues with negative thought patterns and require counseling to learn how to not let negative thoughts control her life, and also how to not manipulate and control people. These are possibly very real issues she battles and you standing up to her, not caving in to her fears and wishes are only going to help her come to the point sooner where she hopefully realizes SHE is the one with issues and that it might be best for her to go see a counselor.
Go enjoy your trip to the ocean. I'd say you've found yourself you've found the most wonderful boyfriend is he cares this much about you to make one of your dreams come true. Hold onto that guy. He sounds like a keeper so far.
By the way, since you have caved in to her wishes before, you've spoiled her so expect a really big fight, basically...her totally throwing a fit like a spoiled bratty child. Yes, parents are capable of doing that. It isn't right and means she needs professional help. But be prepared, mom won't let this pass without making a big stink and trying everything she can to make you so miserable that you cave in again. Stay strong. Have a talk with her. Tell her you value her opinions and advice if you ask for it. But you were not asking for advice here, you are an adult now and its time she realized that. You realize you've allowed her to control and run your life and choices including college and she needs to let go. You are ready to live your own life and so are merely informing her of where you are going for your birthday next month just to be thoughtful so she doesnt wonder where you've disapppeared to...especially if you live at home still. If you have your own place, but mom might want to invite you over for your birthday, she'd need to know you'll be gone and have to see you before you leave to celebrate or after your return. You TELL her how its going to be, you don't ASK her if it will be okay with her, You don't ASK for her blessing, because you know in her current mental state, she is unable to give it. I am not saying she has a mental illness, but she's going to need help for a a short while with a counselor if she's going to be able to continue in life without having a fear of releasing you to live your own life.
HOpe this helps dear.
I am a 14 year old girl and I really want to wear diapers and use them. Like pee them. I know I am weird but I can't help it! Should I start wetting the bed on purpose? What happens when they take me to the doctor? Even if I only wear them to bed that's fine. I don't really NEED to wear them 24/7.
I can go to the store by myself but my dad won't allow me to because of the crime rate here.
Please help me out.
I am from South Africa.
I have heard of quite a few teens having issues with bed wetting into their late teens, and it was confirmed by family dr to be more likely passed down as a condition in the family. Maybe not the parents but the grandparents did when younger. I know a gal married into my family who did so until she was 18 and her two sons are both bed wetters.
Teens are usually very self conscious and tend to have low self confidence, and something like this only makes things worse. Its usually a matter of waiting to outgrow it when your bladder learns to become stronger. But a Dr. can confirm that. In the meanwhile, waking to a wet bed is very smelly, messy, disruptive of sleep and humiliating. I believe that it is the best idea to purchase adult diapers for teens to wear for this purpose. Actually I wish I had thought of it during the years I had a period, now in menopause. I messed clothes or the mattress at night so often I wish as an adult I had thought to just skip the pads that didnt cover well enough on heavier days and just wear an adult diouch in their sleep to be able to count on one of those flat absorbant pads you lay under you likes ones used in the hospital. those move too easily to remain where most needed.
So hon, my opinion is that this is not weird at all but actually a very acceptable interim solution until your bladder matures and no longer needs the diapers. I do not believe that use of diapers will make you become dependant on them, especially if a Dr. is involved and monitoring your progress. Show them my response to you here and hopefully they will realize that it is a good thing to do for you. I would still try to not automatically pee in them and see if you can wake to go some times middle of night to bathroom. Of course follow Dr instructions also regarding what is the lastest time you can drink fluids and how much before going to bed. good luck.
so I was with my bff then i was walking with her and then I wanted to use her phone but then I texted her aunt by accident It was meant to go to my other friend because we always did that kind of thing. I wrote some unacceptable things to her by accident and then my bffs aunt called her and then my bff was in trouble. Her aunt said she might not tell my bffs mum but my bffs other friend over heard and told my bffs mum. now she hates me and doesnt let me and my bff see eachother... i cried all the time i still do its been 1 day since it happened i dont know what to do!
Well, I hope you learned something, to really think twice before you ever say anything in person to someone, or put it in print in texts, emails or handwriting. Words can't be taken back once shared. Whatever you shared likely is due to you being very young, your brain not being at a mature adult state yet which wont happen until it finishes growing at your mid 20's or later. If you are already older, somewhere along the line, you failed to be serious about growing up and maturing and are going to really have to focus on it. Not saying you are a bad person. Heck when I was your age, I did stupid things, didn't think of the consequences and just made a snap decision or action but I didn't make many. I learned pretty quickly to watch my words and actions because what we do affects others.
All you can do is apologize to your friend, to her aunt and to her Mum, and say that you are very sorry, feel really bad about what you did, and realize that is was in bad taste, or rude or mean (whatever it was) and that you have no good reason for doing it other than you were hasty and immature and just not thinking. Own up to your mistakes. It might smooth things over with all or one, or perhaps none of them. But you can at least not go on in guilt for leaving this mess behind without trying to at least apologize. It still may not change the attitudes of any of the people towards you. Or it may take a very very long time for them to trust you with your friend again. thats what happens when trust is broken. Parents wants their kids to hang with friends who are good examples and influences to be around and depending on what you wrote, they may now beleive you to be a bad influence. And i cant fault any adult for feeling that way. I would react the same way when any so called friends did questionable or in bad taste things that involved my daughters. I even had to meet the parents first before allowing my kids to just go to a friends house. I was careful. So I will say, the feelings of the adults is a perfectly natural one. If you say nothing, you'll probably confirm even more to them that you are a bad example if you aren't sorry for what you did.
Yeah, I know, embarrassing and horribly uncomfortable and awkward to have to do this, but i highly suggest you do.
20/f, he is 22.
I started seeing this guy about two weeks ago. We work together. He used to be a supervisor of mine until he moved departments. Long story short: My brother's girlfriend told him one night how cute I thought he was and he told her that he thought I was cute as well but for a while, we were just way too shy to talk to each other since we both found that out. Which brings me to yes, I am the girl that wrote the question about writing a note and putting it on his car one day with my number on it. He actually did call me and he even stopped me at my register to finally talk to me for real and we made plans, well he made the plans, to go out to dinner. He paid and got my car door every time, told me how nice I looked in clothes other than our usual work uniform, he was a perfect gentlemen.
A few hours after our date, I texted him that I had a great time and I thanked him again since he paid and was so sweet all night. He said he had a really good time as well and would like to do something again. To which I agreed; and that is set for this Thursday since he's done work early and I'm off.
Now, stick with me. I'm a cashier and he's the supervisor over grocery. But my supervisor (the one over the cashiers) is one of his good friends. My supervisor and I aren't best friends, we don't hang out outside of work or anything but we talk all the time when we both work the same shifts, we have a very jokey relationship. Before I even started seeing this guy, my supervisor knew I thought he was cute and he always said that he'd make it his goal to get his friend to never ask me out. So the other night he told me he wasn't a fan of this guy and I hanging out because he doesn't want me to take him away from him. So I texted him last night that my favorite frozen yogurt place was giving away free frozen yogurt on Friday and he said he would but he had already made plans and Thursday would be best for he and I to go out. I wasn't even necessarily texting him that for us to go together, as I had already had plans to go with other work friends but he took it that way and I understand how but I don't want him to think that I'm one of those girls that has to see the guy they're "dating" every day. Anyway, I joked back with him that it's good to know he sticks to plans so my supervisor can stop sassing me that I'm stealing him from him and he just never answered back but he smiled and said hi to me today at work - I was nervous that text would weird him out but I guess if he said hi to me first then it didn't, I'm told that he just doesn't really like texting.
Moving on, I have another supervisor at work that is above my supervisor but below my manager and she is very strict and stern, I hardly ever see her smile but after our date, she asked him so many questions (his friend - my supervisor) was telling me this and she had asked him "so what, are you guys dating now?" and he answered: "yeah, I guess we kind of are if we keep going out together." So I know that he wants to go out and I know that he likes me.
I guess my question is, after our second date this Thursday, I want to take it upon myself to see what else we can do. He's made plans for both of the dates we had gone on and I want him to know that I'm in this too and that I care to make him happy as well. But if I really don't have any cool plans coming up or anything, I can't really invite him somewhere and I don't want to pull the exact same maneuver as before "hey, I had a really great time, we should do this again" --- no, already done. So, I'm not sure how to go about this. Also, I want to get personal opinions from you guys on: how many dates do you think a couple goes on before they make it official? I want him to ask me and I want it to be known that he and I are boyfriend and girlfriend, I don't want his answer to always be "yeah, I guess we kinda are" so how many times do you believe a couple should go out before it's made official? And how does a girl make the move to ask the guy on their third date? Do guys like when girls make a move? It seems as though that since he's able to speak and not be so shy anymore, he's very dominant in this which I do admire-he always says hi first and always makes the plans, always asks me first when I'm free from work, always leads the conversations, always asks what kind of things I like first. But I want this to keep going so if he doesn't ask for a third date since he feels like he is already doing everything (which I do feel kind of bad about), how do I do it if there's really no eventful way for me to do as such?
Thanks!
Whoa...lets not put the cart before the horse here.
Since when is it more important to be able to say you are 'officially a couple and dating' over getting to know the person. Depending on what you do on your dates, like going to a movie or eating dinner, it is not going to be 100% talk and it takes a lot of talk to even begin to have a clue if either of you have enough in common to want to continue to be together. The purpose of dating is actually an investigative one. Mere appearance of a person is not enough to have anything in common. Being attracted to someones looks however might be the only thing needed to indulge in lustful urges and have sex, but its nothing more.
It takes quality time spent talking, doing things together to find out who the person is deep down inside. Most don't show their real personality for the first couple months.
So my advice is to not ask him if you two are now official. No no no!!! You both will become official if both of you are looking for a long term partner and after a few months are pretty sure the other is the best match for you.
Sometimes during the dating or hanging out process, people discover things they don't like enough to be with long term or that they find harmful to a relationship, etc...
So, think of ways to find out if you're the creative sort and like crafts and art if he appreaciates that by an invite to go to an art musuem. Lets say you like antiques. Ask him to go along browsing antique stores just for fun and then having a lunch or dinner after. Do you like dancing? Ask him to go dancing with you. Are you the atheletic type? Share what your favorite activities for staying in shape are and work that into a date, like biking together, jogging together, etc. No, these are not fancy dates but you are more likely to get to know him faster and him you too in these ways.
Heres a good example...when I met my 2nd husband on dating site, our actuall 1st meet in person happened to be parking in a grocery parking lot as he drove a delivery truck and this was his break time and before I started an afternoon shift.
We sat in my car and chatted for a half hour. Each of us brought each other something that was important to us. He brought an astrology book with sticky notes marking the pages that describe my character and those describing his and wanted me to read it. I brought him my favorite Tarot deck and its instruction book. That is a good way we confirmed having interest in each others views and things important to them. He took my interpretation booklet home and fixed it with lamination and binding so it no longer fell apart. I read the pieces he gave me and wrote a note of my comments on what I read.
If we didn't have that and other things in common or at least wanting to support the other in what is important to them, it wouldn't work. So give that some thought and I'm sure you'll come up with ideas of what to do. Do you even know his favorite music genre's after one date? Have him over to listen to some examples of your favorite musics, singers and bring some CDs of his own. Order pizza and sit and enjoy music, maybe even dance to, at least have conversations in between, commenting on a group or style of music. Good luck
so my guy is around girls you know. I wouldntbe THIS jealous if he lived here and I could do something about girls hitting on him, but hes alllllllll the way across the world so I haveno control. every timei tell him about my jealousy, he always tells me about the ways that they couldn't have him that no one is better than me etc. I know hes telling me the truth, for surei do. but I still cant get over that girls are looking at him. again, I wouldn't mind much if he lived here, but what am I suppose dto do with my jealousy until he moves here in a couple of years?
Facts for you to know---
1. LDR's are an impossible way to build trust in a relationship...that can only be done in person.
2. Jealousy is like an indicator light on the cars dashboard that something is wrong. The real issue is a fear and the fear is usually the loss of another person to someone else.
3. Fear of loss of a sweetheart to someone else has its own root cause, and that happens to be a low self image and low self confidence.
4. Jealousy if it goes on too long, is a sure fire way to push a person away from you.
5. Jealousy can exist anywhere and is not affected merely by or caused by distance. A person can be jealous whether a loved one has to travel away for an extended period of time or whether they are at home because the same root issues, fear of loss, of not measuring up and being easily replaced can happen no matter where the other person is.
So hon, it looks like you need to deal with your own self first and that means learn how to become self confident and know what your strengths and good personality and character points are. Know who you are at core and then if you find a man who not only appreaciates your particular look but more important loves you for who you are inside, you'll have no reason to feel you could be replaced or him distracted away by anyone else.
well i was talking to this guy i love and he loves me too but earlier he got mad bc i left the room to spend time with my friends and i didn't really see him today so he wanted to spend time with me but i left. and now he thinks i don't love him or care about him yet i keep saying i do. he doesn't believe me ): and he keeps acting dry and saying yep & mhm. i don't know what to do anymore. then i am like look it looks like you wanna be alone so i should leave you alone and he's like sure do what you want. i don't understand. just bc of that he is really sad and stuff. now he is ignoring me after i said i love u.
I know of something that might help the both of you. From what you say, it seems neither of you know what each others 'love' language is. Though the first link seems geared towards married couples, your own personal love language, what makes you feel truly loved will apply to boyfriend, friends and family members as well.
Please take the time to read about it to even have a clue what I am talking about. Ask your boy boyfriend to read the link after you do too.
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/communication-and-conflict/learn-to-speak-your-spouses-love-language/understanding-the-five-love-languages
Now that you know what the love languages are, what is your top love language and any close followup? Theres a link next to a test to take to discover what yours is. I hadn't taken one in ages but know what my love languages are and took it before posting for you to make sure it is accurate and it is. Please understand that what you require to know you are loved is going to automatically be the thing you are most likely to do to show others you love them . However, if that is not their love language, then they won't necessarily feel the love from you if you arent using what is significant to you and vice versa. So your boyfriend needs this info and test as much as you do. If he is unwilling to take the time to seriously do this test, then he isn't worth your time in a relationship. He may be too immature yet.
Here's the test:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/
My bf has been coughing up blood lately. It only happened for a day. He also said he had bloody stool. I was really worried about him but his stubborn self wouldn't go see a doctor. His cousin is a doctor, however, and she said that it is stress related. (I know he has been under a lot in the past quite lately and he also doesn't eat nor sleep well) All these symptoms lasted a day but he said he's had it happen to him in the past before but it never lasted or turned into something serious. I just want to know if anyone knows anyone else that this happened to and what did they do about it? Did it get more serious?
I've not known of anyone coughing up blood or finding in stools due to stress. Never. Its always good to get a second opinion. His cousin broke a very important cardinal rule of the medical community by making a diagnosis withoute any tests make such a statement. Sooo perhaps this cousin of his is being misquoted and he only heard what he wanted to hear. I can see her saying that there is a possibility of his symptoms being due to stress but that a Dr. would have to check him out to confirm that. This isn't a for sure diagnosis. He is only fearing hearing that it could be something worse. There are many illnesses and diseases with similar symptoms and taking just one and believing his is fine is playing russian roulette with his life. If it is something serious, then its a matter of time until he ends up in the hospital in emergency and fighting for his life over something that just may have been treatable if he went in earlier.
The 'doesnt eat or sleep well' symptoms, I highly doubt lasted for only a day. What he needs to know is that stress is one of the major reasons behind many illness and diseases. Stress slowly has its effect on the body weakening it so it can not function properly. Prolonged stress eventually deteriorates a persons health and they will die much earlier than if they found a way to deal with stress or a major life change to eliminate stress.
I know what I am talking about, the effects of stress on health. I was with an abusive husband for 30 years. It usually takes its toll on ones emotional health or physical health, in my case, physical. I began to have headaches every day of my life. I feared what constant pain killers would do to the pain so I jut lived with it. I also got several migraines a year. I often developed a rash that covered my entire body, itches like crazy, due to the stress, I got stomach ulcers because of it. Although I have high Blood pressure in my family, I developed it much earlier due to the stress, often having days of adrenaline pumping for 24 hrs without stopping,
I cant say my gall bladder stones were due to it but I used natural means to purge my system easily of stones on a regular basis, but over the years as stress increased, the country Dr. recipe for that no longer worked for me and Had gall bladder removed. The worst thing stress can cause is to cause cancer to grow or a heart attack and both often end in death. I had God speak to me one day telling me I had 4 more years to live only if I did not leave my husband because the stress would kill me in one of those ways.
I wanted to live to see all my grown daughters marry and to be there for grandchildren, so I made a big life change and left that which was stressing me. I know many others closely for whom stress played a role in bringing on their illnesses or disease. If I were him, i wouldn't take it lightly. Tell him what I wrote. If he doesnt go to DR, I wouldnt get your heart set on being with him forever.
20/f
My best friend from college recently introduced me to a guy who she thought I would really like. Him and me are in a wonderful relationship now and I truly love him. She has known him since they were kids and nothing ever happened between them. But,recently she broke up with her long term boyfriend and is quite in the dump. My boyfriend and I are her best friends and we're doing our best to console her. And here is where the problem lies: I am jealous. And I feel really guilty because of it. Firstly,because I know he is a great guy and he loves me dearly,he has never given me the slightest reason to be jealous. And secondly,she is my best friend and she was the one who brought us together. I have a few very bad experiences,and as a consequence I find it very difficult to fully trust him,despite the fact that he's proven he loves me so many times. And I know how slimy some girls can be after a break-up,to even go as far as stealing someone else's boyfriend. I am very troubled by my jealousy since I feel I don't have a valid reason. I don't know what to do. I don't want to get in the way of their friendship,but I feel hurt when they text. I have already talked to my boyfriend,he says they are just friends and that he never even thought of her as a girlfriend. My friend says they are just good friends and that he's not even her type. I don't think they are really lying,I'm just afraid and paranoid.
It takes time to build trust in a new relationship. I don't know how long you've been dating him but I'm going to guess a couple of months which isn't long enough to know enough of his character beyond a shadow of a doubt. So for one thing, it takes time. But also, it takes a certain intimacy, a bond, the guy saying and doing certain things that will help build that trust in you. Let me give you an example with my 2nd husband. His ex really has no one. She was an orphan so him, his dad and their one daughter now married and moved away are all she has. His is her only emotional support system and in our 6 yrs she has called any time she has something bad happen or she is really depressed. He calls her Honey, because she is dear to him, but not as a mate or even an ex wife, she is to him what he would call any person he has had a close connection to in his life, and considered family, like his best friend and his best friends older sister. She is like another sister to him. He has several facebook old female friends too. He has proven to be a man of his word. He is what one calls a man who feels it is the males role to support and uphold women and treat them with respect and as equals. If he were to treat only me that way and not be available to help encourage or do an odd errand for a female neighbor, then he wouldn't be that kind of man. that is something that can't be selective, choosing to be that way with wife, girlfriend, mom sis and aunt but no one else. He though not a professional counselor is good at listening and helping people. He actually will do that for men too in his life if they ask for help. But too many females don't have a man in their life they can depend on. There is a limit though to his help and reaching out to women, I am his first priority and if he were to spend too much time helping out others, his time placement would be out of balance. So as long as your boyfriend is a good kind hearted soul who wishes to help an old friend, but keeps things in perspective and puts you and your needs first, then all is good.
If you feel jealous, jealousy is a fear, usually of loss, or being replaced. This would mean that you do not feel reassured that you are the one his heart beats for, that you are his one and only. In relationships, when someone moves on to their next, it should be an improvement which for my husband, according to what he's shared, I am a great improvement in many many areas over his ex. things that were lacking or he never got to experience in a marriage cus she wasnt capable or had many issues. So he praises me all the time for the qualities I have in my personality, my looks, how I show him love, etc. etc. and he never stops. I hear something like this on a daily basis and never tire of it. This is why I am so sure of my position with him and my importance and know that truly no other woman can interest him because he doesnt just love my looks but really who I am on the inside.
A younger man may not realize how important this is. If you;re just starting to date, it's probably too early for him to be that sure that you are the only one he wants to be with for the rest of his life. that will take time, but he has shown his interest in you and told you she means nothing to him. You will have to trust him. You are not going to lose him unless you push him away by being jealous. Lack of trust when there is no reason not to trust if he hasn't cheated is a sure fire way to kill a guys love for you. So you need to work on yourself to become more self confident. If you think it will help, have a night where you both agree to write a list of all the things you appreciate about the other, things about him that makes him so unique, you could never replace him with finding another guy if you lost him for example in an accident. He would need to take the time to write a list like that for you. If it is hard to do for you both, it may be too early in your dating relationship and you both need time to get to know each other better. But good and constant reminders from both of you to each other will be a sure way to feel confident about your importance to each other. I hope you can find that with him.
I recently left my Uni house, and I was picked on by two girls in the house however the rest of the house treated me nicely.
When I left my mum chose to blast loud music through the house while we were packing up (because a complaint of mine was that my housemates kept me up till like 2am most nights being noisy next door)
It didn't stop there. My mum spilt oil all over the kitchen top (the oil I think was one of the nice housemates) and all over the plates.
She then as we left shouted 'slag' and 'bitches' up the stairs. Needless to say I was angry at my mum because her actions caused one of the housemates who I dislike to have a go at me online about the oil.
I just deleted the conversation-well my mum took my phone and did that.
What do I do? Shall I say sorry to the 'nice' housemates about the oil and say good luck for the future stay in touch. Or should I just leave it all together.
I wanted a peaceful exit but because of my mums actions I'm worried I have now lost what were good friends :(
Wow! She may have given birth to you and have an adult body but is acting like anything but an adult. this is grade school stuff!
So your Mom also has access to your phone and let me guess, you're going to live with her. I wouldn't say angry friends and whether to patch up is the problem. Your problem is much bigger than that. If you allow her to do things like this without sayinhg anything to her about how improper it is, she'll continue to make trouble for you down the road. Possibilities include dictating where you live once you are on your own, what car you purchase, what job you get, calling your boss and ruining your position in a company with her theatrics, dictating who you can date, choosing a guy for you and running off all the rest, giving you no choice in the planning of your own wedding, so on and so forth.
You are an adult and as such, you can make your own choices. If Mom is a maniac and unpredictable like this, you will have to be the adult. This doesn't mean you don't love her as your mom , you just don't allow that kind of behavior of hers to affect your life. So you'd need to sit down and have a good talk. Tell her you did not appreciate her behavior, that it made things worse for you. that you would appreciate her not interfering in that way in the future and allow you to choose your own battles let alone choose anything else regarding your life and future. You know she may feel she was doing you a favor, (twisted thinking, probably needs to see a mental health counselor for this but you can't tell her that part) but you do not see this as a favor nor helpful. If she can't agree to watch herself in the future in regards to you and your life, then you need to make plans to shut her out of your life until she does change. It means also putting a passcode on your phone immediately so she cant use it or add or delete anything on there. It also probably will end up meaning you need to find somewhere to live other than home. If you already have a place, make sure she does not have a key. If she becomes a pest calling you alll the time, Block her number. If that doesnt help, get a new number and dont give it to her. If she wants to be in your life from here on out, she needs to play by your rules for your life because parent or not, every person needs to give you respect and not go against your wishes or try to run your life for you. If they do, they do not deserve to be in your life. Sometimes it takes something that drastic to make a person wake up and change their ways. Make sure other relatives know what you are doing so they don't thwart your efforts to keep Mom out of your life if it comes to that. I know finding a job is one important step to becoming self sufficient, but a place to live is another. Check with all relatives even distant ones blood wise to see if they can take you in and as soon as you can, you pay them to rent a bedroom or space from them. If no relatives, perhaps friends or their parents, and lastly, if you attend a church, have a talk with the pastor and tell him of your situation and need to find a place to be away from Mom's erratic and controlling behavior. If you search hard enough and long enough, you will find something. My oldest had it good at home but was desperate to be out on her own and asked at her church once she turned 18, and an older woman there, rented to her for about a year, which helped her to get started on her own. So it is possible to find someone with a kind heart and the space who will take you in. You just have to swallow your pride and be willing to talk to everyone and tell all what your need is.
I wish you the best. I know its not what you wanted to hear but its my best advice to a young adult just starting their life because at 20 I ended up getting married to a man who was much like your mother and the stress of that made me slowly get physically ill over the years. I finally wised up and left him but I can say, a person like that usually is normal enough to get along in society without people realizing they need counseling but are messed up enough to make the lives of family and loved ones miserable and actually harmful to their mental, emotional and physical health, not to mention controlling your life. They are the type not willing to get help and always will point the finger at others and say that someone else is the problem. Theres no compromise and no winning with such a person and even at the end of our marriage when a friend talked him into seeing a counselor, the counselor told me that most people with these sorts of behavioral issues are unlikely to change quickly if at all and can go a whole lifetime never improving, unless deep down they are ready to admit they have a problem and truly want to change and improve. So when I learned he was only pretending to be interested in seeing the counselor and with little likelihood of improving I left him and divorced. You can't divorce a Mom but you can set your standards and boundaries and ask her to abide by them. It will be her choice to decide to do so or not and essentially it will be her making the choice to not be in your life. All of society has rules to follow, you must obey laws too. Mom can not be kept exempt from laws of the land or peoples personal rules regarding their lives. Same thing. I hope you find a solution and that Mom comes around to changing.