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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
So, there is this boy.
And he is known to be a bit of a player and can't settle down with a girlfriend.
He has recently told Me he likes Me.
When I try to mention his reputation to him he just says I'm annoying him and closes up and gets moody.
I really like this boy and he likes Me.
ANY ideas whatsoever on how i can get him to settle down will be welcomed.
He is nearly 18-male
I am 17-female.
The Answer
If a boy really likes you UNTIL you mention a totally reasonable concern you have, then he only likes you when you are making him happy, which isn't really all that much.
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The Question
I think that we as a nation should pass legislation requiring people to love their country. My problem is that few other people think this way. Can you help?
The Answer
No.
You cannot legislate thoughts or emotions.
Not only would any legislation requiring people to 'love' their country be completely ambiguous, arbitrary, and impossible to enforce without physic detectives; it would unconstitutional.
If there is only one thing worth loving about the United States of America, it is the constitution. The First Amendment to that Constitution PROHIBTS the government from making any law that infringes on freedom of speech, infringes the freedom of the press, limit the right to peaceably assemble, or limit the right to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
That means, the RIGHT to criticize your country and your government, is a fundamental right of all American citizens.
Countries where you don't have the right to criticize your leaders, your countrymen, your politicians or other leaders are horrible places to live. They are places where you can be fired, beaten or killed, just because you disagree with the group or person who is currently in charge.
No law requiring citizens to 'love' their country will ever pass in the United States as long as sanity prevails. Defend your country? Yep. Respect your country and its laws and fellow citizens? Sure. But NEVER will you be required to agree with everything your country has or will do and NEVER will you be required by law to ‘love’ your country.
Loving a country can, and should, mean always striving to make it the best country you think it can be. In that struggle for improvement, people will disagree. You don't get to throw someone into jail for disagreeing what kind of country it is they want to ‘love’.
Frankly, as more and more details of the torture and human right violations of the past few years surface, honest and decent Americans are going to have to come to terms with a kind of shame few nations have had to face. Those who do love their country will find that love has been disappointed by the behaviour of their leaders. I’m afraid the worst is yet to come from America’s self-image and laws about how American’s must feel will not be the solution. Transparency, accountability and laws limiting the government’s ability to break its own laws will be.
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The Question
i'm bringing my ex with me on vacation in july. we broke up in april, but we both decided that we were still gonna stay good friends and see where things go from there. i'm still in love with him. he broke it with me because he said his feelings changed, but he said he still wanted me in his life, and i know he means it too. we're going to myrtle beach together and do you think theres a chance of him falling back in love if we're like on the beach at night flirting and hanging out? what do you think of this situation? and what things can i do to make it as romantic as possible. i would do absolutely anything to get back with this guy.
17/f, 17/m
thanks so much for your time.
oh and we were together for about 9 months, if that helps. and we met in the summer and starting dating in the summer.
The Answer
I think you are probably going to be disappointed.
Love doesn't happen over romantic candle-light dinners, or long walks on the beach.
Love, real sustainable love, happens when two people CHOOSE to be together, despite disagreements and trials, and to respect and adore one another, even when it is tough.
Your EX made the EXACT OPPISITE choice when he broke up with you. He decided that although he might have cared for you, he wasn’t willing to choose you over everyone else in the world.
If he does change his mind while you are on the beach flirting it up, I would bet my life's saving you will not be together 6 months after that. I’d be shocked by 3 months. He will have changed his mind based on a few little romantic moments while on vacation, and those moments are illusions. It won't be a permanent change.
Enjoy his company as a friend. Behave as a friend. If, when you are behaving completely and only as his friend, he expresses he might like the person you are as more than a friend, then MAYBE you have a shot. But if you throw yourself all over him well on vacation, you’ll never have a chance, even if he does take you back, it’ll be over again before you know it, because it won’t be based on who either of you truly are as a person anyways.
Make some peace with this and behave as his friend, or else you will torture yourself all vacation long, probably look really foolish, and worst of all, you might fall back into a doomed relationship.
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The Question
I am engaged to marry a great guy next year. i love him very much. but i resently started having conversations with him about children. he got really distant about it. and the other day he came right out and said he doesn't like children and doesn't want them. I don't think its his real answer. he never had a dad( his dad ran off when he was 3) and his mother consantly tells him he isn't dad material. but one of our friends has a 4 year old and he always plays with her. people keep telling me that if he does't want children i should find someone else, but i love him so much i'm stuck i don't know what to do please help i need some outside perspective.
ann
The Answer
I think you are mistaking how difficult it is for him to tell you something he feels will disappoint you, for him being unsure about his decision.
He says he doesn't want children. He SAID it to you point blank: That IS his REAL answer.
Disbelieving him would be disrespecting him.
If you love and respect him, you need to love and respect enough to take him seriously when he says he doesn't want kids.
Ask about it again if you need too, but don’t go off and try to hear what you want instead of what he saying. If you want kids to be part of your life, and he doesn’t, then this great guy is not the right guy for you.
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The Question
How do you move on when your ex-girlfriend who cheated on you after a five year relationship, text you messages telling you how she misses you, how she misses your touch, your kiss and that we shouldn't loose contant cause she still has interest at heart for me and that she doesn't see herself sleeping with her current boyfriend because she is afraid that he won't do it like i did?
The Answer
Block her number.
She's a selfish, attention seeking, brat.
It's not enough for her that she cheated on you, and has a new boyfriend, she also needs to do everything in her power to make sure you are still obessively thinking about her.
Her only interest in you, is how much she can keep you interested in her. It's not about you. It's all about her, what she wants, what she feels, what she is going to do. She's doesn't care about you, she only cares about how you make her feel, and clearly, you aren't even the only person who she wants to get those feelings from.
You wont be able to move on until you get angry with her and end contact with her.
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The Question
First off, I am a 22 year old male. I was in a 5 year relationship with the love of my life. We have two children together, which in hindsight was way too early, but hey. She left me two months ago, for which she said I didn't pay enough attention to her, which was valid. However, since then, she has continued to speak to me, and every day is different. One day, she says she just needs a little time but I am the most important man in her life. The next, she says she is completely done. What the heck!? She tells me to treat her with respect and show her that I can give her some attention, and she'll come home. However, she is out living the life of a single 20 year old. Clubs, talking to guys, the whole 9, and it's difficult to give her the respect she truly deserves. She was a great mom and a great girlfriend. Should I just leave her alone for a few weeks, or what? FYI, there has been no previous infidelity, and just today she bounced from "I'd love to come home tonight and watch a movie with you", to "I might talk to you tomorrow when I pick up the kids, maybe." (!) Help!
The Answer
Find a good relationship counselor. If you can't afford one on your own, ask your parents, or hers, for support with this. Because regardless of whether this relationship is over or not, you and her need to come to some understandings about the way you are going to parent, and that is very difficult to do without a moderator.
Maybe, while you are there, you can deal with your relationship as well, but the more important thing, by far, is to make sure you two on are on the same page when it comes to the communicating about the kids. That means both of you being consistant and relaible.
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The Question
i went to a house party where i met this lad that i thought was hot.well we started getting with each other&we are now always with each other.he calls me his girlfriend&we class each other as going out&i really like him.but he already has a girlfriend.she dont know about me&that he is cheating on her with me.she is 3 months pregnant& he tells me he isn't going to leave her cause he dont want to lose the baby.i dont know what to do.he says he loves me&doesnt want to lose me but he also doesnt want to lose his girlfriend.am i doing the right thing staying with him being his affair?
The Answer
Nope. You are doing the wrong thing.
You are being a second-class partner when you allow him to keep you secret.
You are helping him betray his girlfriend, which in the end will only hurt her more, and even worse, will hurt his child.
You are giving him a childish distraction from a NOT childish problem: The problem of how he is going to live as a father and what relationship he wants with the child's mother.
You are somehow buying into his weak lie about 'loosing' the kid. There is a thing called rights, and as the Dad, he has them. She can't take them away just 'cause they aren't togeather anymore. He's just being a chicken shit.
What you are doing is absolutely wrong and what's worse, everyone in this situation stands to get hurt, a lot. Cut him loose to deal with the adult issues he needs to face, and you can get back to being the person you are free to be.
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The Question
How do I tell my mom that I am a furry?
The Answer
Do you need too?
Seriously, ask yourself that.
Do you need to tell your Mom that you are furry? Is it imporant that she knows this? Is it going to effect your relationship or who you bring home?
I don't tell my mother that I keep handcuffs and nylon rope beneath my bed... She doesn't need to know that! It doesn't change who I am and she doesn't WANT to know that.
Seriously consider if this is the sort of thing you really need to go public with. Unless you plan on bringing your boyfriend over for dinner whilst he is dressed as a raccoon, it really isn't.
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The Question
I want to start using "sexy" talk on my boyfriend. As he is going away for the weekend i hope to send him a few texts just to show what he is missing HAHA!
However, i want to just speak "sexy" not dirty, i don't want to send dirty messages because there is always a chance of someone reading the messages. So i personally feel that sexy messages are much more acceptable than dirty message, Just my personal preference.
Me and him have this personal 'joke' that I am going to turn gay and go with girls, so maybe i could build that in to the texts? (because i know he definitely likes the idea of me and another girl haha)
Have any of you got any ideas on how i could tease him through texts?
thanks! xo
The Answer
I have to second Witty, especially AS a woman who HAS been with other women.
It's just not a great joke to make. It can come back to bite you in the ass.
It's not just mean to a guy, it confuses them, permanently.
Many guys, especially the younger ones, struggle to understand fluid sexuality. I am now at the point that when I begin to talk about sex with a guy I'm seeing and I feel I need to be honest about having dated girls, I always say “Yes, I've been with women. NO, I am NOT having a threesome with you. Ever.”
Some of them have been a bit offended by this, but ALL of them have had the sense to admit after the fact that it was good I said it. Some of the ones who were 'offended' by the strength of this statement, also needed to be REMINDED of it later. So, it's important that its out there front and center and honestly.
Think about that: I'm an adult dating other adults and even THEY get confused about this issue. You really should be very careful about how you use this 'idea' to amuse your boyfriend. If you plan on making this 'joke' anyways, do yourself a favor and before you do it, TELL HIM YOU ARE GOING TO AND THAT IT IS JUST A JOKE, before you make even the first tiniest joke about it.
Tell him firmly. Remind him if he ever seems to be confused about that.
I don't want to imply that ALL guys want a threesome, I'm sure there are some out there who don't like the idea at all, but I haven't met one yet who didn't get intrigued by the idea.
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The Question
I recently posted a question about me mom, (link: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=563722) and recently, it has gotten worse. Today, I heard her talking to my dad about driving somewhere and leaving me there. I really don't like her. And she got my sister to go on her side, has my dad like a puppet, and is working on my brother. My brother is like my best friend, and she is trying SO hard to get him on her side, but he is on my side. He thinks shes over-reacting as well. Well, yesterday we got into a fight, and I said I wouldn't talk to her, and she say Fine, it's like a blessing on me. So I said, You know what, for once your wish is my command. And I havn't spoken to her since.
I'm not going to talk to her, I hate her, and I want nothing to do with her. So back to this question, if I wanted to run away, and I couldn't go to a friends or familys house, 1 would they find me? 2 Could I survive?
I understand that this is a weird question, and to be honest, I don't want to leave because I have no where to go, but I can't take it anymore, I'm going to go insane unless I get out of here. All I here 24/7 is whats wrong with me and how I have a poblem, and I'm sick of it.
The Answer
There is no new, fantastic, magical option available to you hun. The options you were given in your last question are still the best ones.
Get CPS involved, or a school counselor or other social work network in your community. The situation warrants their involvement. You are being physically threatened. It's not likely you'll be thrown straight into foster care, foster care is expensive and difficult to manage for teenagers. It IS likely that your parents will forced to talk to a social worker and get some education on parenting and dealing with anger. YOU will probably get some help dealing with your anger as well, because it's almost impossible for thier bad habits to not have rubbed off on you.
This is still your best option for change. If you wont do it, then you need to accept your situation. Unfortunately, you are now old enough that if you don't try to save yourself and improve your situation, it's very unlikely that someone is going to step in and do it for you. You must take the first step and face whatever consequences it might bring on, even though the changes might be scarry and out of your control. If you don't want to do that, then things will just go on as exactly as they are, and you will have chossen them.
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The Question
okay so this is kind of an embaressing question but in my swimsuite you can like see the lining of my vaginal lips. like you can see the line! does this happen to anybody else?! and how do i make it not noticeable!?
The Answer
I second that: Your bathing suit doesn't fit you properly if this is happening. Get a different one.
Not all clothing will suit you, or fit you propperly, even if it is your size. Shop around till you find something you like AND fits you correctly.
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The Question
My friend is twelve and she wants to have sex without a condum .She does not have her period and is a virgin.Can she still get pregnant?
The Answer
Yes, she certainly could get pregnant.
She could also get ever STD known to human beings, and could very easily get her partner arrested.
Tell her not to be an idiot. Then tell the adult who is responsible for her to make her not be an idiot.
A girl who does kind of stupid things at 12, does fantasticly dangerous things at 16. Do her a favor and make her stop.
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The Question
So my boyfriend brought up an interesting topic last night and i just wanted to know some oppinions. If you commit suicide and youre a good person do you really go to hell? and why?
The Answer
'm going to assume you really want a Christian answer... but I'll give you a few other as well.
However, there is no definite answer to this question. Even if you look to the Bible; Some suicides were said to be damned, others weren't.
If you are looking for a definite, complete answer, you are shit out of luck. If there was one, we'd all agree and get it. We don't, and there isn't.
Most Jewish groups would say suicide is forbidden to a Jew, but there isn't really an official statement on whether or not it's a one-way-ticket to hell. The concept of hell embraced by most Jews is very different from the 'eternal damnation' idea of Christians. 'Hell' is generally not seen as a permanent situation.
Of the three major semantic religions, it's actually only Islam that flat-out commands you may NOT commit suicide. (You might not think it, but there it is.)
"And do not kill yourselves, surely Allah is most Merciful to you."
Pretty much all mainstream Muslim scholars consider suicide completely forbidden under any circumstances by Islam.
As for the Christians: According to many Christian sects, suicide is a mortal sin, so suicides go to hell. Suicide in these faiths is considered self-murder, and an unrepentant murderer is damned. The Catholic Church, the Anglican and Orthodox sects all officially take this view. Suicide is a rejection of God's plan for you and an unconfessed mortal sin. You go to hell for that.
Other sects, like most kinds of Protestants and the United Church, think that anyone who is 'saved' and has given themselves over to Jesus is still saved, regardless of anything that they do.
You can easily find verses from the Bible to support either view. Some talk of having to have a steadfast endurance of suffering in order to truly achieve eternal life and that the murderer is always damned... others imply once you are saved you are always saved.
As with most things, you are just going to have to go do some reading and make up your own mind on this one.
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The Question
My best friend started smoking weed about a year and a half ago. At first she just did it on the weekends every now and again. She invited me to join her at the parties but I didn't want to so I never did go and join in. All of this time has gone by and with everything going on it sounds like she is doing something else (drugs) but I KNOW she isn't. I KNOW she isn't doing any other drugs besides the pot.
Well, anyway, she now smokes pot a lot. She smokes probably every day, usually after school (when she actually goes to school). We still talk on the phone but it's becoming clear that the weed is doing something scary to her.
My best friend has become increasingly paranoid over the littlest things. Her behaviors have changed to where it's almost impossible to be around her and not go insane!
She will only eat something if it's cut into 3 pieces or if there is only 3 pieces of it. At first I thought she was kidding around but it's become obsessive and when you ask her about it she says it's "safer" to eat in 3s but can't explain why. She is sick a lot, A WHOLE LOT, and so I thought maybe the smaller portions helps her or something but when I asked her if that was it, she got really confused and I dropped it.
She won't go out of her house after 8:27 at night. I don't know why! Like, if I ask her to spend the night she always says no and says she HAS to be home before 8:27pm. She never has any plans or anything though. It's really weird and because of that, we don't hang out so much anymore. I mean, we can't go out to movies at night, can't double date, can't go to a football game, can't spend the night at my house--because she's weird! I thought maybe that's when she wants to be high at night but I don't know. It's confusing.
Then, when Twilight came out, we were going to miss school and see it together. We totally had plans to see Twilight in the theatre that day and so I went and waited for her. She never showed up! I felt so stupid because I was waiting for her at the theater and everybody that was going to see Twilight had people to watch it with but me so I just walked out. I went and called her and she was all, "Twilight? Oh. I forgot that was today." It was a big deal to us though! I'm still mad at her over that though, but it wasn't just one time...time and time again she has not showed up for things or not been ready when I came to pick her up. She always "forgets" about the plans even if we just talked about them the day before!!!
It's just gotten to the point that she's crazy, constantly sick with something, and, well, smells bad. She always smells like pot and has met up with me without washing for a few days. It's just...disgusting. I don't want to lose my best friend but it's like I already have. She can't even tell me secrets now without making me jump through hoops for the information because she's afraid I will tell somebody. We can't do anything together because of her time restriction and her forgetfulness.
Can I save my friend and our friendship or is it not worth it any more? I'm so confused at what is happening to her but she doesn't seem to notice anything has changed. We've been best friends for a lot of years now and she wasn't like this before. What do I do?
The Answer
This is far more than pot. Pot can't be responsible for everything you are describing, it just doesn't have that kind of power.
One: You DON'T know she isn't doing anything besides pot. Looking at her behavoir, it wouldn't surpise many people reading this if she was.
Two: Regardless of any drugs she is or isn't putting in her system, she needs help, of the proffesional and medical kind.
Tell an adult you can trust. Speak to a parent, to a teacher or someone at your school who can give you pointers. Speak to her parents.
She SHOULD be afriad you will tell someone. That kind of fear in a person is a way a mental illness protects itself. You need to blow it's cover. Do some thinking and asking around to find the most effective way to get her help, and then do the best you can to moviate the adults around her to intervene. She may never forgive you for it, but it will still be the right thing.
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The Question
Male, 20's.
No matter how long it goes between incidents where I end up seeing her, I'm still scared of my ex girlfriend, who has this nasty habit of trying to make me out to be a psycho stalker.
I'm tired of feeling like I'm running away, but at the same time, I don't want a stupid confrontation that solves nothing.
How do I stop being afraid of her, or should I just not go to the things I like because she may be there?
The Answer
Here is a trick to help you decide what to do: Do some Worse Case Scenario brainstorming to help you figure out if your fear is justifiable or just silly.
What you do, is grab a piece of paper or open a new document and start to imagine running into your ex. Write down the WORST possible thing you think could happen. Then the next worst and so on... Imagine different confrontations in different environments and how they might play out. Keeping writing down the horrible things that could happen, wrack your brain from them, until you finally get to the completely ridiculous. Writing them out is the important element here, so don’t just sit and stew about it, write it down.
For instance, I might start my list with:
She could yell and scream lies about me in front of my friends and co-workers, then hit me, I defend myself and she calls the cops and everyone blames me and I have an assault charge on my record for the rest of my life and everyone thinks I’m a violent guy and my employers think less of me and I don’t get a promotion.
And I'd end with:
She could turn into a vicious female praying mantis and rip my head off...
Some of the things on your list might be reasonable and things that might actually happen, but most of the time, when we start writing down our fears in SPECIFICS, we begin to realize most of our deepest and most frightening fears are based on FEELINGS, and not based on things that are actually likely to happen.
If the worst thing that could happen, is her hitting you for example, you have to ask yourself how likely that is to actually happen, and in asking yourself that and considering these SPECIFIC worst case scenarios, you can come up with ideas and manoeuvres before things get that out of hand to help deal with and avoid the situations.
I would never advise someone to avoid an ex forever unless they were extremely dangerous. I think that approach could seriously cheapen your life, not to mention it gives a crazy ex way too much power over your life and choices. It is important to steal yourself against REAL risks and confrontations, and not be dragged down by vague, non-specific fears.
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The Question
I'm a 15 year old female girl and I'm fed up being patient with my father. For the past few years, my dad has been developing this product. He hates working for a boss or anything, so instead since I can remember, he really enjoys trying to be self employed. The problem is, it has been years and this product is going nowhere. He keeps insisting that he's making progress and a ton of connections and that eventually one day we will be millionaires. The thing is, he's using up all our money.
My mother works a steady job and brings in a steady income. My dad however, isnt, and he keeps continuing to spend thousands of dollars. He keeps saying you need to spend money to earn money, and whenever I confront him about spending too much, he says I don't know anything and that im being ignorant and stupid.
The worst thing is, everytime any of the kids try and talk to dad about us being worried about our family's finances, he always blames this on us. He always tells us we are spending way too much money, way too quickly. I'll admit, I am a regular teenage girl, I do want new clothes each school year and money for school trips and such, but other families are easily able to do the same. I don't even get alot of the major brand name clothes. My birthday is coming up next week, and it is my sweet 16. When I joked around to my dad asking what I wanted for my birthday, he got very angry with me and said I was being selfish and expected money grew on trees.
I guess my main problem is, I dont know what to do about this. I do all his online contacting and such, and because of this im fully aware of how much money he is spending, and I am also aware that none of the people supposed to be helping him finance this product are. I mentioned today Im worried about our money, and he told me not to be because we have none, and that I should stop complainning because the future of our family relies on if this business will work. Honestly, I dont think its a good product and neither do anyone I know that has talked to him about it.
Im sick of my mother having to bring in all the income and dad spending it, yet saying we have to rely on him.
I don't know what to do anymore... any ideas?
The Answer
Stop talking to your Dad.
Talk to your Mom.
Although it might be true that other families can spend more money on their kids, that's a choice those parents made. YOUR parents, are allowed to make a different choice and spend less on you.
So DON'T use that argument. It's unreasonable and it selfish, but most importantly, it's not going to help you get anywhere.
Talk to your Mom.
And when I say talk, I mostly mean listen.
Tell her you are scarred, ask her if she is too.
Tell her you don't entirely trust your father or his business scheme, ask her if she has doubts.
Ask her how she deals with those doubts.
Tell her you are scarred there is no back up plan if this goes wrong, ask her if there is one.
Ask her what she would do if the product thing never works out.
Tell her you don't like it, not because you can't have what you want, but because it scares you and you don't what to do to make it less scary.
If someone tries to tell you that you are too young to worry about these things you can admit that yeah, you are young, but you are also WORRIED anyways and you really need some help from you parents to deal with your fears.
The truth is there is little you can actually DO. You are a minor living in the household and the money is theirs. Financial decisions about the family are between your mom and dad. If you don't trust them with financial decisions, the best thing you can do is get a job and start making the best money choices you can for yourself. The good news is that you are young, and whatever money whole they sink you in you can pretty easily dig yourself out of. It's always nicer when our parents give us a firm financial footing in the world, but they don't have to. Just accept that, and start looking for ways get to what you want from life regardless of them, you're old enough to begin making some of your own choices, and money.
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The Question
do you think it's wrong to break up with a guy using the message board on his online journal....which everyone can see and knows you broke up with him....before him does...?
The Answer
Yep. That would be cruel and completely wrong.
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The Question
Okay, so I'm pregnant. 2 months. And everyone knows, family wise. My boyfriends mom just decided that we are not allowed to hangout anymore and he can't hangout with friends anymore. She's being a total bitch! I need all the support I can get, she signed us up for therapy but I think it's sort of counteracting the whole thing if she wont even let us hangout anymore and she's signed us up for therapy to try and keep us together.
I am so pissed. I just want to slap her. And now my boyfriend wants to runaway, frankly, I want him to runaway from her too.
The Answer
She's scarred shitless, and she deserves your sympathy.
Having a teenager who is about to have a child doesn't just change the teens lives, it changes hers, forever. It probably wasn't in her life plan to have a grandchild and two teenage parents to support.
Have a little bit of sympathy. The world doesn't revolve around you and you are not the only one whose feeling count. If you are allowed to make a mistake as huge as having a child as a minor, dependent teenager, then she is certainly allowed to make the mistake of cracking down on her teenage son.
And sure, she is making a mistake, but running away isn't going to change that. She needs all the support she can get right now too. Give her some of the support and respect that she needs and loop her into your therapy sessions with her son so she can be part of the solutions, instead of part of the problems. Reach out to her and try to apperciate her fear and disappointment, and respect her rules even if you openly disagree with them. If you expect ANY support at all from her, then she deserves that much respect from you both.
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The Question
Me and my boyfriend have recently been fooling around,but not actually "making love". About one month ago,he cummed ON my vigina,but not IN it..could i be pregnant?
The Answer
YES. IT IS POSSIBLE.
Pregnancy is possible WHENEVER sperm makes contact with a female's vaginal fluids. It's likely those fluids made contact based on what you described.
Sperm DOES NOT die when it's hits air, and it can certainly live for more then 5 seconds. Sperm can actually remain viable for UP TO four hours outside of the human body if it's left alone. Hot or cold water kills it pretty quickly, but without that, it is possible for it to survive.
It's not terribly likely that you'd become pregnant this way, but YES, it is possible. If you have missed your period, you should take a home pregnancy test to be certain.
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The Question
This is kinda long but really important and relatively easy, so please read through! I promise to rate.
So I have this friend who I've known since I was in 2nd grade, been friends with since 4th and been best friends with since 7th.
Basically her and my bestbestwickedbest friend became closer a few months ago and I felt really left out. My defense mechanism to that is to separate from them, and eventually they'll realize that they miss me and will willingly accept me back into the friendship. Its always worked in this past for me. This time, it didnt. For nearly two months I felt bitter and alone. I began avoiding them when I felt like they were giving me pity conversations and began hanging out with my other friends more who I felt really wanted me there. However, these two friends took it as separation and bitchiness and began using my normal character traits against me, like how I supposedly talk about people. I won't lie. Yes, I do gossipper. But barely any of it is negative and I am never, ever mean. I'm in high school, everyone gossips, including those girls, and to deny that would be a lie. So they bitched me out brutally and I felt like I was on rock bottom, I had nobody to lean on - I don't have a good home situation and am very emotionally isolated/independent (however you want to look at it). I broke down.
That was just over two months ago. Things have kinda gotten back to normal with my bestbest friend-- she's kinda changed a bit herself (she got a boyfriend and I feel like she's not herself around him, in a bad way, and doesn't want to hang out with me as much anymore, but that's another issue) but I'm not bitching about it.
The other one, though, told me today, again, that I changed. By Facebook bumper stickers, nonetheless. NOT KIDDING. The message that went along with it said something like, "Just a heads up, I want the old you back!" then the bumper sticker said some shit like "I miss you... the old you." Like WTF?
I haven't been extremely friendly with this girl since the fall-out a few months ago because I don't think that she's trustworthy. She instigated the bitch-out back then- the other friend would never have brought it up. And I know that if I say anything to support her claims of talking about people, even if its just neutral statements (I've stopped a lot since then, realizing none of it can lead to good), she'll spread it around or wave it in my face.
Also we just don't have anything in common anymore. We dress differently (I'm girly, she has dirty greasy hair and lives in sweats - I used to not care when I was younger, but I think its disgusting now) have different music tastes (I like modern, she likes country). I like to go to the mall. She doesn't like to do anything but go see horror movies / crime show tv shows. Its hard to find any common ground with her- even our sense of humor.
And where I used to find her completely hilarious in years passed (she's the "funny" one), I just find her completely obnoxious now. I can't stand her, although I haven't told anyone or said anything to hint at it. I just don't really laugh anymore, just smile. I'm not mean to her at all, I'm civil, to say the least. She's just annoying and untrustworthy - to me.
Why the hell do yuo think she would send me a freakin bumper sticker of all things (like, really?!?) instead of talking to me? And do you think its worth trying to repair the friendship? Any views whatsoever on the matter would help me greatly.
Thanks SO much!
...16/f btw:)
The Answer
Why did, a few months ago, you stop talking to her and try to manipulate her and your best friend into chasing you through silence and withdrawal instead of talking to them about the problem?
Yep, her facebook message was a silly idea, but honestly, that whole 'make them chase me' idea you had a few months ago comes from a similar place of insecurity and was just as silly.
I'm not trying to come down on you here, but you need to realize that her response (through a stupid facebook message) is totally in-keeping with the communication style you used when you first got upset with her and your best friend. Being civil to her is great, but it's still a kind of 'silence' which she is interpreting as negative character trait because she is a human being! Your silence on the problems between you is always going to be interpreted as a negative thing.
People don't assume the best of others. Even if it's wrong, when we don't have enough information to understand a change of plan, we assume the worst. Disastrous thinking is just programed into our little mammalian brains. When a teen misses curfew the parents don't think they must have lost track of the time, they imagine they are dead in the ditch. It's pretty much the same with friends; we are quick to assume the worst of each other.
Although the way she brought up the disagreements between you was childish, she isn't the only one in your peer group who using childish approaches. This is a style you, and I'm sure other of your friends, have used and accepted in the past.
It's good that realize how silly these sorts of ploys are now. You can start to change the way you deal with one another.
It's completely up to you if you'd like to continue your friendship or not, but either way, you have two basic paths:
You can address your unhappiness and anger over the past with her AND forgive her.
OR you can let her know simply and respectfully that YES you have changed, you've all changed, and though you are sorry she is upset by this, you like the new you and are certain the new you can go on being friendly with her, even if you aren't as close as you once where.
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