about

Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Why won t he text me?
I met this guy about a month ago at work, when I first started my job. We began hanging out outside of work and I thought it went really well. This has been going on for about a week. There was one point we hung out FOUR days in a row. Not pushed by me... It just happened. He would text me all day, even at work, sending me sweet texts. We went on our first official date Friday. He planned everything. We went to a really nice restaurant and held hands at dinner. Went back to his house and cuddled and watched a movie and told me how pretty I was. Toward the end of the night he started acting weird. I tried to come on to him, and he just gave me a few kisses then I left. He's been MIA since. I gave in and texted him first Saturday and he seemed so disinterested. I didn't want to appear desperate so if he didn't reply, I didn't text him. It's now Sunday and I haven't heard from him. I'm just confused how he could act so interested and then drop off after a seemingly great date. And we have sooo much in common, so I'm confused. Maybe it's because we work together? Should I reach out to him and ask what's up?

Theres no way to know why he was first pursuing you and now wont make contact. You did say he acted different towards the end of your official date.
You noticed him start acting weird after you came on to him?
Possibilities depend on whether he is straight, bi or other.
If he is straight but a virgin (you didnt mention ages) he may be too embarrassed to venture in that direction, panics, and doesnt make a move other than a chaste kiss. To discover if this is the issue, you need to get him to open up and really share whats up and then reassure him that it doesnt matter.
If he is bi sexual, perhaps he fears that telling you he like males too, or has a male lover is going to scare you off and so out of fear, he keeps delaying saying anything. the more time that goes by, the more he talks himself out of contacting you and spilling the truth.

Perhaps he is Asexual and has a need for the emotional closeness but not the sexual one. Perhaps he talked himself into believing he could do both but found it scared him.

Men are most concerned first about anything related to sex regarding them and second, their career, vocation, how they earn a living and how much they earn.
He just might fear for the future, the point at which (since you both are doing great together) that sex comes into the picture and he fears he is too small. Many average size guys all believe they are too small. (Yep, I heard the same from my 2nd husband and he's perfect for me.)

How much they earn or what they do worries them. They may believe a girl won't be interested in him if the only work he does is general labor or maybe he's a custodian/janitor, or a trash collector or some other such job.
Give him a few more days and if no response from him instead of a text in which he can hide a lot more easily in his response, try a phone call instead. Let him know you were enjoying his company and it seemed he was enjoying yours. You want to discuss something you sensed, call it womens intuition. It may be nothing but you feel him acting differently toward the end of your date and you don't sense the same kind of enthusiasm and interest in you since then. You're wondering if he is distracted by something stressful in his life at work or elsewhere that has nothing to do with you.
He can tell you here if there is some stress or theres nothing.
Reassure him that because you are seriously looking for a guy to date, you don't want to keep hanging around waiting for him if he has changed his mind. You are asking him to be open and share because you'd rather hear that than wait around always wondering. You can mention too that you won't pry but if there are personal reasons why he is uncomfortable or nervous about contineuing the relationship and taking it to the next step, then you are asking for the kindness of being level with you and letting you know what his concerns are. LEt him know you are openminded and understanding or whatever good characteristics you have that would sound reassuring, and wait to see what he says. If he will not offer anything in explanation, then tell him that a relationship can't be successful without good communication. In the beginning you understand there isn't trust built up yet, but it has to start somewhere. If he feels he can't trust to share with you or communicate, then perhaps a relationship with him won't work and you will look elsewhere to date.

[view]

Will you get pregnant if you take your pill constantly at 5 oclock everyday but then you almost forgot to take it and you took it at 10oclock as soon as possible and then had unprotected sex..is there mayb a chance of pregnancy

the way the pill works is that it takes days on end of taking the pill for the hormones that protect you from getting pregnant to build up in your body. That is why you are told when first getting on it that the pill won't be able to protect you for a week or so after starting.
So there is always the residual buildup of the hormones inside of you to protect if you forget and take it a bit late. So don't worry, you're covered.

[view]

HI! I am a Boy, whose doesn't have any Girl friend. I am from India. My age is 18+ . Our household is only 3 people with me, Includes my Parent and Me. I can't stay along. I want a best Girl friend or Life partner, who may help me to stay without along. I doesn't like these type of Life. I am felling a boring Life that is too bad. If anyone help me, You are Welcome. Thanks.

I understand you not wanting to be alone and your desire to find the person who will become your life partner. But these things take time. Its not as easy as going to the market and picking out vegetables for tonights dinner. By what you say, it sounds like you live with your parents. You may find a girlfriend but keep in mind, unless a girl doesnt mind living with her inlaws, a woman who marries usually wants to have a place of her own unless that is not the way it works in India. If you are planning on attending college or other form of further schooling and getting a good job, those are just as important to focus on. Do not be too eager at this stage to marry if you find a girl willing to date you. You need the experience of dating, usually several different people over a period of time so you can begin to learn what you are looking for in a girl. Beauty is all well and fine, but it takes more than beauty skin deep to keep a person interested in their sweetheart long term. So you need to figure out from dating what you do and do not like in a persons character, personality, their beliefs, etc.
As to where to find a girl, think about some things you like to do, then focus on joining clubs regarding those hobbies. take dance classes and see if there are any girls there needing a dance partner, Pretty much, there are women every where in your world, you just need to gain some confidence in how to approach and talk to a female. There are certain behaviors that can be scary to a female if observed in the guy. Lots of staring at without talking can make her feel creeped out. So it is better to attempt to start conversation. Try to avoid your first sentence being about how pretty she is. Its a given knowledge that a person will not approach a person to attempt to become friends if they are not attracted to the looks. Make conversation relevant to where you both are at the time, or perhaps what she is doing. If she is choosing fruit at the market, you could ask if thats her favorite and then mention yours. Ask if she can explain how to tell when the fruit is at its best. then say, I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself, mY name is....and then ask for her name. If she is a socialable person she will respond. If she is too quiet, untrusting or suspicious she may not respond. But you want someone you can have conversation with. Keep practicing. Ask your mother for help on how to talk to girls. thats where it all starts.

[view]

About 2 weeks ago I had a job interview it seemed to well. I got a tour of the place we talked about scheduling and benefits and what would work for me etc. Since the interview he has called me twice to see if I was still interested and if I was contacted by the hr department to be fingerprinted. When I told him I wasn't contacted and seemed upset that I wasn't contacted so soon after I was and I have my appointment coming up in a couple of days. He says he also wants me to meet the director of the company also. Everytime we talk he asks if I'm still interested. Everyone says I got the job already as long as I pass the background check which I know I will. But I don't want to take it for granted either. He also he told me he interview a lot of other people but I don't know if that's just to throw me off. What do you think?

Perhaps he doesnt trust the HR dept of his company all that well for a good reason if they haven't called you back yet or set an appt. to meet with you. If HR needs to see each person applying for position by setting appts, I'd say he's afraid you will get another job offer elsewhere long before you get in for your appointment with HR. And that is a strong sign that he really wants you in his department.

[view]

I'm 20/f
My mother is very controlling. She trusts me and loves me and even likes my boyfriend.
But a few weeks ago when I wanted to go to my boyfriends house for a few hours she took offence. This was because she works all the time and was angry at me making plans on a weekend. I explained it was because I wanted to see my boyfriend but she said 'what about me'-me and my bf only see each other once a week (been together for two years)
So yes I've got another trip to see my boyfriend on a weekend due-been invited to a wedding. How do I make sure she doesn't get upset again? My boyfriend has said he's sick of not seeing enough of me and its because Im keeping my mum happy. She's nasty when she's upset. She'll leave me totally out of family conversations, make me feel guilty all the time and butters up my sister. Thanks

Everything Razhie plainly stated about your moms behavior and your choices are true.

I will say shortly that some parents have a hard time transitioning from the parent of a child to a parent of another adult when the child turns 18. This doesn't sound like it.Your 1st statement was of mom being controlling and that my dear is one of many mental illnesses. There is medical treatment for many such illnesses which helps such peoples behavior to be modified to something better with the use of prescription drugs but as far as I know, other than a person having negative thought patterns due to it just being a bad habit instead of something wrong mentally, there is no cure for mental illness and controlling behavior more often than not is mental illness with no hope of the individual ever getting better. In fact people with such illness are known to destroy any relationship they are in, wirh no hope of having a close relationship of any kind, with family, friend or a sweetheart that lasts long term.
So to have hopes that Mom could improve in the future are pretty much non existant as you've already been told.
So Mom isn't going to change her stance. What needs to happen then to change the situation? Well, for one, realizing that the only person you have the real ability to control and change is yourself. And what changes could you make that would involve your way of thinking?

1. Your life is yours to live, not for someone else to live through you.
2. Others can not control you unless you have given in and given control of your life over to someone else at some point.
3. Caving in to the controlling behavior of another, their fits and tantrums, using their emotional outbursts to get what they want, is not helping them to realize they have a problem. It enables them to continue to remain stuck.
4. Choosing to take back control of your life has nothing to do with not respecting, loving or honoring a parent. The Biblical verse of Honor your Parent does not mean you have to give up living your life for yourself or even making your own choices and judgements in life. for example is Mom got so far behind in bills she decided to start robbing banks or convenience stores and told you that you need to help her do this or she threw a fit that you weren't honoring her wants and demands, then would you?....choose to rob along with her? Of course not!!! You know its not right!. Well neither is a parent using theatrics to prey on the emotions of their child to control their behavior. You need to see this for what it is. She is doing something wrong. Joining in, giving her control by not spending the little time you have with boyfriend is the second mistake, the one on your part. You know that saying, that 2 wrongs don't make a right. Its true. You can't prevent her making bad choices, but you can change yours.
5. To bring in a bible verse again, the Bible also states that at some point when a person is full grown, they will leave mother and father and cleave unto their mate. In todays time, many do not marry, but the choice to be with someone, dating only or living with is much like the same commitment. It takes leaving the parents to the empty nest syndrome and starting your own life. So don't feel guilty. Thats EXACTLY what mom is hoping to achieve and has done so well in with you, getting your emotional reaction to hers as in your statement "How do I make sure she doesn't get upset again? Do you not realize that she has trained you like a lab rat by the conditions and responses she gives when you do something she wants and what she doesnt want?
Part of why its hard for you is that you live at home still. Being there still, you are unable to see or feel any real difference to when you became an adult at 18, things haven't changed at all in your life.
You may just need to make the break away from living with mom to Really be able to start your own adult life. YOu haven't yet. You may be afraid to also. But unless you want to end up 50 yrs old, still single and catering to all your moms wishes, still living with her and not having a life of your own, then you need to make the break now because she is not going to give up the controlling behavior. You need to stand up to her. THIS doesnt mean you reject her, just her controlling behavior. You can still love her but not allow her to continue to raise you and make ALL your decisions for you. She can train you to think you have a choice still, after all, with something like choosing which dinner she cooked one night or some other such small thing that has nothing to do in the long run with you taking control and making the big decisions for your own life. I hope my spelling it out, helps you even better to see what Razhie was saying.
GOOD LUCK!

[view]

Since I remember myself I was afraid of balloons. I can't stand the sound they do when they pop. I totally freak out and start sweating and shaking when something like that happens.(The same happens with fireworks, too) I'm not afraid of the balloon as an object but I can't be near them because I think they will pop anytime. This ruins my life. I can't go at parties etc. I need your advice about how to overcome it. I tried doing it myself but after a balloon popped in my face I don't want to blow them up again. I went to a pshygologist,too. It didn't help, cause i didn't like her way. Please help!! (PS I'm from Greece)

I can completely understand what you are feeling. As a mom who threw big birthday themed parties for my daughters, I had plenty of balloon blowing to do. And after a couple blowing up in my face, I tended to become quite anxious feeling myself when blowing them up and would never fill them quite to tightly full anymore. As an adult, I realized it was my subconscious mind reacting to it. Our subconscious mind is what runs in the background, always concerned with what would be the utmost best for us. It keeps us taking our next breath and blinking our eyes without having to give it a conscious thought. So on the subconscious level it is looking for things you find unpleasant and trying to steer you away from anything that brought up negative emotions of being scared, angry, sad, all in wanting to protect you. Your sub con. mind will continue to act this way until you take the steps that rainhorse mentioned.

My opinion is that some sounds are just too loud for my ears and when certain sounds set my ears ringing or give me a headache. It is natural and actually quite a smart thing to do ones best to avoid extremely loud noisesin some cases so that over a prolonged amount of time there is no hearing damage to the ears. These is why those training in target practice with firearms wear protective ear covers because the loud report of the guns are way more loud than balloons and also close to the ears.

What you could try to do is something I did with the kids after a party to get rid of all the balloons, stomp on them til they burst. You know they will break but the noise is away from your head and ears, still loud but won't hurt. Also, you are doing it on purpose, anticipating the popping, not being caught by surprise.
If I wanted to pop a balloon with a pin, I still had trouble purposely doing that after a couple pops that had my ears ringing and I resorted to using a needle or pin to poke a tine hole into the stem of balloon near where it was knotted or tied with string, enough to let air leak slowly out. After a while of handling balloons like this, I grew less afraid of them popping. I was even able to buy the packages of the long skinny ones that could be twisted into shapes like animals and got them for the kids as a fun summer thing to do and had to show them how, and found it didn't worry me if they popped any longer.

Good luck.

[view]

Hi again! So I had the chance to ask my nephew some of those questions today. I just brought up the movie from last week, and said "so you think the girl on that movie could really beat up you and your dad easy?" he said "oh yeah for sure" and I asked " "you think that would be cool eh?" He said "yup" he didn't seem to nervous so I asked him "what about your friend next door would it be just as cool if he beat you up?" He said "no" with a sour sort of look. Then I asked the "so its better and means more if a girl beats you up?" he made a comment like " yeah if Melanie did then yeah" (his friends sister)

Then I asked him the question "is there a reason why you like the idea of girls being able to beat up you or other boys?" He got a little shy then and shrugged his shoulders and said " I just think it's neat" so I probed a little more and asked "is it because you find them interesting or pretty or think they're better" he kept nodding his head for a few seconds and said something like" I just think they're cooler too" I went on asking if he had any friends at school who are girls, he said he
has some, but mainly the ones who play sports. I went and asked if it would be cool if they or other girls in school beat him up? He just starting smiling and said "Yeah I guess" I could tell he was getting a little bit shy again so I ended it there. Lol He went outside shortly after, but yes it sounds like it could be one of the reasons you have stated for this behavior and thinking. What would be your opinion? Is something common? Thanks again!

Just think back to when you were that age or even older. Remember how boys seemed to pick on girls they liked...mean prank stuff like putting gum in the girls hair,putting a worm in their hand or worse. Young boys who are just starting to notice girls and half their friends still think girls are icky. They will therefore be embarassed or feel awkward that anyone might have a clue that they don't find girls quite so yucky anymore, like for him, Melanie. He probably doesnt even realize that his line of thinking of having a girl beat him up is just a subconscious desire to have some sort of contact with a girl...it really doesnt matter to him whether others see it as a positive contact or negative contact, the contact in any form is what is desired.

In psychology, it has been explained often that when a parent has a child who normally has always been a good kid, start acting up, not always but most often the child is feeling they arent' getting enough love and attention and quality time with a parent no matter how good they do, great grades, but their achievements never acknowledged, never complimented, etc.
So what the kids do at the age, the only rational conclusion they can come to is to attempt to draw attention by negative behavior. They see the attention and focus the bad kids at school get so they do it too and it works. They get the attention they've been craving and dont care that it is a negative angry response from parents rather than a loving nurturing one.
For where his brain and reasoning abilities are currently at, this fantasy may seem the perfect solution to him, getting any kind of close contact with girls.

The fact the female friends at school are the ones into sports may or may not mean something...but if I were a young boy, I'd feel like I had something more in common with a girl who played sports which is a thing guys like to do. That one thing would make it so much easier to have something already in common and easier to have things to talk about with them. Give him a few years and his fantasies of having a girl beat him up will likely change to fantasies of her hugging him or kissing him.
So is it common? Lets spell it out for what it is, Is it common for young boys just beginning to notice girls to be at a lack for how to interact with them and go to extreme strange antics to get their attention or how they dream of getting their attention? Yes. And this is what I believe he is doing.

[view]

16/f Canada
I've been looking for a summer job since March break (starting March 13th)and I still haven't found anything! I handed in a few applications to 3 stores with my resume and a cover letter and I haven't heard anything back. I also applied to many stores online as well. My family (especially my mom and grandfather) have been harassing me to get a job and that I need to "sell myself" and I just feel really overwhelmed because I'm only 16 and it's my first job ever and I don't know what to do. I feel like there's nothing that sets me apart from anyone else applying for a job because all I have is my work experience on a farm and me being on the honor roll for 3 years!!!! So how can I learn to sell myself and possibly attain a job this summer???

Razhies absolutely right. Just another vote due to my own experiences that most teens get hired thru connections...a friend mentions them and they get the job or a parent, other relative or neighbor mentions you and vouches for you. The office I worked at got really busy every summer due to the type of business and needed extra helped. they hired 3 teens just for the summer only.
My own daughters all got their first jobs thru connections, friends who were teens also working at places. So though it may not sound right, it works, especially when you don't have any previous experience yet to speak for you. An employer who has a trustworthy teen already working for them who is always on time, dependable and good with co workers or customers is going to be trusted when they say they have a friend with just as good morals and trustworthiness who is looking for a job.
In the future once you have a history of past jobs, degrees and such, then a resume comes in very handy.

[view]

The week after my last period, I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend and he didn't necessarily "finish" in me but just as procaution, I took the Plan B Pill in less than 24 hours.. After taking the pill I experienced spotting as if I was getting my period again but it was light flow. Now I'm almost 2 months late on my period. I took a pregnancy test (at home) when I was a week late, then another when I was two weeks late and then another a month and a half late on my period.. THEY ALL CAME OUT "NOT PREGNANT." Do you think I'm pregnant or could it be that the pill is affecting my cycle?

I would like to add that if this was the first time you two had sex and were unprepared, that's understandable, you weren't expecting to need to plan contraception, but you did the right thing with using Plan B.
It can mess up your cycle a bit, throw it off but it works well if taken that early so you're not pregnant.
However, if now that you've had sex, the two of you are planning to continue to do so regularly, or have been doing so for a while, its time to think of getting on a contraception that is right for you. Plan B can be a bit harsher on you than just taking your daily pill. But these and others are hormonal based contraceptives and some people can get side effects to it, such as the same signs a woman experiences if pregnant are some.

It might be best for you to talk to your Dr. about all your options and based on your lifestyle, decide which seems the better choice to try. Follow Drs. instructions to the letter if you want the proper protection. If you don't want hormonal ones, or dont want to have to fuss with remembering to take daily, or whatever the issue, let Dr. know and they can make better suggestions for you.\

[view]

Hi, I've always been kind of shy. I never really talked much even as a kid, so I wouldnt talk to people I'd just smile (if I liked that perons). But now I'm a lot less socially awkward. I have less friends. And when i try to make new friends I never know what to say, I always start with asking them basic questions but then I get stuck. Today I even went to hug my grandma before I left and I felt awkward because I hugged her, said hi and just left. I feel like if someone else did that it would've run smoother but I feel like it was awkward. So my question is: how do I become less socially awkward?

If you can approach and hug or smile at people and attempt to make new friends or start a conversation, I wouldn't really classify it as being shy or having social anxiety, you just simply have your mind go blank and can't think of how to have a conversation.

It just may be that your personality type doesn't do well in this way but conversation is needed to interact in your world so you need to be able to converse on matters that are an issue at the moment.
Such as talking to teacher after class /talking to boss if an assignment given isn't understood and you need clarification. You need to be able to do those basics of communication.
I don't think that is your problem. My instincts say you are only concerned about how to make social conversation for feel like you have to become a coversational pro, just find a balance with what you are comfortable with.

A couple good clues to making conversation is to thank a person for something they did for you, or to compliment them on something.
Lets take grandma for example. With the hug you could say a simple "Grandma, you give the best hugs." She'll say thankyou and it ends there. Or if you wish to push yourself further, compliment her on something else you really like about her, maybe what she's wearing looks good on her. Dont say it does if you think she looks so outdated, only if you like the way she styled her hair that day, the jewelry she's wearing looks cool or she always wears colors that look good on her. You can also compliment her on something from the past, like "Grandman, another like I like best about you is your cookies. I like home made better than store cookies. She'll say thankyou or that its something she likes to do that gives her pleasure. Next you could add something more along the lines of the same subject such as letting her know of any specific favorites. Always find something in the last thing you or the other person said to latch on to as an excuse for the next thing you say. So here you could be saying, "Your snickerdoodles are my favorite, I could eat them every day. then if you want to add in a bit of easy humor, you simply end that last sentence with 'hint, hint.'
I myself love to tell stories and use that to fill in spaces, My own experiences or those of others told to me. But you might want to learn to ask people first, questions about themselves. People love to talk about themselves so in effect, you'll not be doing much talking once you get them started but only nod, smile and add comments along the way.
Once you get comfortable with that, you add in a story to something they mentioned.
Example: A friend was asked what they did last weekend and said they helped their Dad work on rebuilding a deck or helped Mom painting the living room. Think of a time you helped a parent with a task. And you could then mention it too. Maybe they mentioned the color of the paint and you ask if Mom liked it still after it was all done. then you share of a friend you know who thought the paint sample they decided with was a light color but once the entire bedroom was done, they remarked the room felt more like a tomb or dark cell now. The word, tomb, dungeon or cell gets your friend thinking about a movie they just watched with that word in it and they ask if you've seen it. YOu say no, but then scary movies aren't your type, you like comedy instead like...and give an example. I hope you see how each person listens close and when a word or something they said reminds you of something you can share, do so. Its easier to say, "When you said, such and such, that reminded me of ......, would you like to hear the story?
Write me any time even if you had trouble and give the setting, the person you tried to talk to, what was said and how it didn't go well and I can feed you ideas of other ways it could've been handled. Even after the fact, you will get used to seeing a pattern here of how to make conversation and it should help in the future.

[view]

Sorry about the category. Wouldn't fit any. So, I need a name to be I guess my "nickname". Something pretty that I can go by, that people will remember because of its uniqueness. But it also has to be somewhat easy to pronounce. Unlike my name, Aislin (ā•z lin). But I'll use it to sign my art, and for social media usernames. Occasionally if I don't feel like explaining to new people how to pronounce Aislin, I'll just use this. I don't know if you've heard of the artist Viria, but that's her "nickname". Anyway, I need a pretty, somewhat simple, but unique name. Thx in advance. ☺️


If you are looking for just one word name and want it to be a respelling of your name so people can pronounce it right, then I would suggest Ay rather then just Az to get the A pronounced as long A. like in Days rather than as in Dazzle.
So choices then are Ayslin or Ayzlin. Or you could just change the last I also to have 2 y's in it for the looks, Ayslyn altho spelled that way, to me at first glance it conjures up the image of the word Asylum.
If you want something rhymings somewhat but different from you birth name, then perhaps DaisyLynn, 2 girl names written together.

If you want to get real creative, go by the heritage and meaning of your name for ideas on an artist name. Or you might want to decide how to sign your name but also have a different name for your company on a web page if selling the art on line for example.
In that case, heres the meanings in this link:

http://www.babynames.com/name/AISLIN

According to that, you might want to incorporate the idea of Irish with the meaning. That is simple here with many possibilities to name a few:

Irish Dreams or Irish Visions of Art, Visions of Art, Dream Vision Art by Ayslin .

[view]

Ok so I'm a girl, 12, and I've known I'm lesbain since i was in pre k. I am not really sure how, i just DID. So I used to be pretty lax about showing it until about 1st grade when i realized it wasn't natural, and it was abnormal. Then i was careful to hide it and made sure i was in a relationship/ crushing on a guy so no one would suspect everything. But i always dated a guy for two days and freaked out when things got serious because i know i didn't want this. But I want to want this because I have heard homosexuality is a mental disorder and it can be fixed, so i am trying to fix it and i think a friend is catching on because she notices that I'm acting lesbian and i need to get a boy friend because then she'll just think i was messing with her so i need a boy friend to make everyone think I'm not lesbian while i try to heal. So how can i get a boy friend really quick?

Yes, I know that people can be born already with the genetic makeup to become lesbian or gay or bi sexual later on when they reach puberty.
Puberty is the time when we begin to develop sexually and hormones start flowing and it is at this time when those already predetermined sexual preferances are going to make theirself known. Before reaching puberty, a child has no way of personally referencing and processing a "sexual"
orientation.
You mention having your particular feelings since being in pre K. This signals to me that possibly you are experiencing something totally different than a sexual way of being. This sounds more to me like being transgender. Sexual orientation does not necessarily have anything to do with a person's gender identity or expression.


A transgender child like in your case, will have a female body but be drawn to everything boy likes, wanting boy toys, short hair and this is something their brain tells them. Its how they feel about themselves without sex being thrown in. You feel like you are born into the wrong body gender wise. Gender and sexuality are two different things. the same goes for having a male body but feeling inside at a very young age that you are a girl.I think it may be helpful to you to check out a Transgender teen chat room to talk to others who know they are transgender to see if what they feel and have experienced is the same for you. If you are, a support group like this or talking to professionals is helpful because the most stressful crisis time for any transgender is their puberty years. There is more understanding, talk about and support found easily among peers if gay. Being Transgender doesnt seem to be as common and so is less understood. A transgender in a female gender body is going to want to have facial hair, hate the fact their breasts are forming...not want them and hate it when they get a period and begin to wish they had a penis, and hate dating boys, be disgusted by the thought and be attracted to females not because you are a female, but a male trapped in a female body. I hope it makes sense.

I have a couple of you tube video's to look at to get a better idea of what life is like for a transgender child and teen.

This first is a UK papers story with photos and a video on two transgender teens who met in a support group and underwent the 'gender reassignment surgery.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2374296/Transgender-teen-lovebirds-pose-swimsuit-shoot-having-gender-reassignment-surgery.html

the next is the story of Jazz, a transgender born with the female brain in a male body who is a spokesperson for transgenders

https://search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?p=transgender+child+interviews+you+tube&ei=UTF-8&hspart=mozilla&hsimp=yhs-004

If after all this, you believe you definitely still identify gender wise as a girl and your sexual orientation is lesbian as you are attracted sexually to females, then you are gay. But i doubt it since you mentioned feeling this way since pre school years.
Gay teens have an easier time with peer acceptance. Transgenders however are much more misundertood, not accepted and bullied to the point may take their life. If you are transgender, you will find it harder to find acceptance but that is also growing. There is much hate and bullying of transgender teens. YOu can find more acceptance thru other transgender teens.

[view]


I have not HEARD from him since 28 of June wtf.?i asked u ever liked me and he said duh yea. we can try . next day he ask me you wanna come see me I got mad cause we 38 miles away and he should of asked it nicer and my RESPONSE was na no. he said playing games is gay and stop texting me and I was like no more.
I miss and I ain't texting him
what is happening
I wish so bad he could text me does he have any idea

Danicus answered truthfully.

I will say that I am positive that your intent was NOT to play games or do anything wrong or hurtful to the relationship. Its just that people of today who grew up with cell, pc's and texting are finding they have even less ability and common ability to do the right things in a relationship. We relate to many, not just sweethearts, but an error such as the words you shared, would hurt a family member, or friend as well. A relationship between a male and female if they bond closely can be the strongest and most fulfilling relationship in your life, but it takes work, hard work and determination and effort on both parts, to make it work. Its not just love and cuddly feeling all the time. It actually takes good communication skills, some very basics of understanding human personality types, some very basic psychology and the ability to place yourself (in your imagination) in the other persons shoes to be able to understand why a person reacts a certain way, why they do or don't do certain things.
One more thing I'd like to point out is that it is very important to not let things done or said to you be taken personally. Its not about you as often as its something about the other person, maybe inexperience in communicating well and thus angering other or being misunderstood often.
So you allowed yourself to react in anger. Anger never solves things, only makes situations worse. I know from experience. I am a Scorpio. We're known to have tempers. I learned quickly how to control mine when repeatedly things fell apart if I reacted in anger. So hon, I am not judging you. All you need to do is study on male-female relationships, and better communication for couples or with anyone. It would take forever for me to just share the actual helping advice in those areas. You can get a better more thorough teaching through books on the subject. Ask at your local library what relationship help books they might have. A librarian can find it faster than you can. Or look for these kinds of books in bookstores. You could also do searches for basic dating advice on youtube. There are some really good video's out there. Dating do's and don't for women, Better communication between partners, etc... I wish you the best dear.

[view]

"Jane Doe" keeps asking me for help and advice but I don't know how to help her. Her boyfriend...well now husband, is abusive. He isn't physically abusive (yet) but he is definitely mentally/emotionally abusive! She is only 21 and he is 24 or so. We have been friends since high school and ever since they got together it's been a whirlwind. My boyfriend, family members, and other friends say I should give up. They have been together for four years give or take a few months. She is not allowed to see her family, her friends, he checks her phone an computer like clockwork everyday. He has to know where she is at all times. It's like she's in a prison, and he was actually a prison guard a few years ago but got fired. She has 'tried' to leave him many times, but he talks her out of it, or she changes her mind at the last minute. I know the statistics are that you have to leave at least 6 times before it sticks? I'm not sure.
She isn't supposed to talk to me but we do talk sometimes, through email. That's the only thing he doesn't think of checking.
She feels so bad about herself. She has said he is the best she could ever get. She was raped when she was 15 by a 50 year old man in her church. The case was overturned and he was never charged. It happened for months and she blames this on herself. She says her current marriage is because of her 'affair' with the old man. I think him sexually abusing her has deeply messed her up. She has never been to counseling or anything. Her husband forced her to marry him because I guess that gives him even more control.
When she decides to talk to me she says she wants to kill herself, she's so sad, and other things like that. Then she'll turn around and act like she's happy and tell me to leave her alone. What is some good advice? I've tried everything I'm about to give up. I don't want her to die, or for it to get even worse and get to a physically abusive level. She won't leave him so I don't know what she wants me to do? Her familyk nows about this and aren't really doing anything. It's even worse now that she's married because they are super religious and don't believe in divorce. He has messaged me before I blocked him on facebook and told me I will pay if I don't get out of their relationship. But she comes to me begging for help and to talk to her.

I lived 30 yrs with emotional/mental abuse from husband. My own family saw things were very wrong early on in their interactions with him and advised me to leave him. I stayed because of religious reasons, not because I was mentally incapable of breaking out of the cycle. My reasons being the same, both of us attended church and were taught that divorce is not an option, that we must trust God to heal our marriage. I had to have a good enough reason to leave that over-rode that belief, which is faulty.

For her, there isn't a good enough reason. Combined with her traumatic experiences in the past, her mind is not working at a reasoning level that is able to really comprehend and see her situation for what it is, HOPELESS. An abusive person can't be forced to seek counseling and must want to go but preceeding that, must be willing to acknowledge they have a problem.

What she is currently going thru is called the cycle. She suffers the abuse, he apologizes, trieds to make up to her and then comes the 'honeymoon period' during which all seems fine and happy again in how she is treated. But the pressures in him that compell him to be this way, build again until he explodes and becomes abusive again. And so the cycle repeats. This explains why she asks for help at one point and then tells you to mind your own business the next.

Now, I will share what happened to me to break away from that faulty belief that God will heal our marriage.
I was always close to God and learned to be able to hear back from him in prayer. It wasnt until I reached my forties that God was really able to achieve some major spiritual growth in me because the fact was...I was ready. Once ready to really listen to and trust God, He finally spoke and explained why my belief that He would heal my marriage is 'faulty'.
He said that He created each one of us to have a personal will, with which we could make our own decisions to do positive or negative. He would never force a person who was doing negative against their own will because that would mean taking away their choice of will. He would never pick and choose like that, leaving alone those who made the right choice and stepping in to change by force those who didnt want to change or weren't willing to admit there was something wrong with them. Therefore, the only way I could be free of this abuse was for me to leave because the husband would not change. A psychiatrist told me that few people with the extent of mental illness that was behind my husbands condition of getting worse and worse would likely not change in an entire lifetime or would change only slightly for the better in a lifetime.
What i meant by worse and worse, is that the even balance at first that your friend experiences between the bad times and the good times with him can easily change slowly over the years until the bad times grow longer and the period of good times grows shorter until eventually it is bad 24/7. Unfortunately, the pressure had to reach that point before I left.
It took hearing from my husbands counselor that there was little chance of his improving that got me thinking the following which is something you could present to your girlfriend everytime she contacts you for help.
Tell her this: Ask yourself is you can handle another month of him treating you like this. The answer will be, yeah, but I wont like it, but yeah I can handle it. Then ask, can you picture yourself putting up with this for another whole year. Oh, thats tougher, a feeling of dread but a person can still with determination do it. Next ask, can you handle it if its the same with no improvement for the next 10 year, 20, or til the day you die? This progression in thinking is what I talked myself through and when I finally comtemplated what it would be like after 30 yrs of abuse, enduring another 30 just the same, I broke down and cried, and something snapped inside me, changed.

Now God could get through to me.He told me at one point in the end that If I didn't leave husband soon, I would be dead in 4 years from heart attach or cancer, which ever came first. I could doubt that or take it to heart. I believed it. I could not imaginie not being around to see all my grown daughters marry, have kids and become a grandmother. I wanted to stay alive for that part of my life experience, and that made my leave and divorce him.
Change like this must come from a want within her and won't until she hears the explanation I shared of how the belief in God healing marriages is faulty, combined with her imagining if she can see herself putting up with the same til the day she dies, is the best thing you can share in her particular circumstance with those beliefs.

There are professional counciling centers for abused women and they might go about what they say a little differently, but without the religious understanding and viewpoint, of choosing to belief in something so faulty and narrow minded while thinking it solid perfect sound advice, they will not likely be able to really reach her with what she needs to hear.

You repeat the same every time she emails you. I'd write it out, and copy and paste every time.
The only other thing you can do is pray for her daily that her guardian angels or God himself are eventually able to get her mind to become ready to accept and believe differently, until then, there is no good compelling reason for her to leave him.

Good luck dear. Patience...it's a long process and I am glad my family never gave up praying. It hurt them as it hurts friends to see someone suffer so but like I said, until one can break through and they take your words to heart and it breaks down her belief, she won't be able to make such a drastic decision and change in her life.
And it won't be until she is away from him that she can get help, counciling for both her past rape and also for the emotional abuse from husband. I needed counciling too as a person with such experiences puts up certain coping mechanisms that help during that period but are detrimental to moving on with life once away from the abuse. ANd there are other reasons but that was the biggest for me.


[view]

20 y/o female: soon to be junior in college

This all started about six months ago when my boyfriend of two and a half years and I broke up. I was devastated to say the least. He had been my rock since middle school, my best friend, and then my boyfriend. I trusted him more than I trusted myself but things had gotten toxic and neither one of us was happy anymore. That's not to say that I didn't miss him like crazy or the support system I had from him and his family being away at college. We had both grown up near the college town but my parents moved across the country when I started my freshman year. I relied on him so much. When things broke off, it was ugly for me. I couldn't eat. When I could eat, I would vomit it all back up. I wouldn't even want to vomit but the anxiety and stress would not let my body hold food, I couldn't control it. I never gagged myself. Immediately after I vomited I would feel this calm. The ever present knot in my stomach would lift for just a moment and I felt almost normal again. But I knew it wasn't normal. I was losing weight I didn't have to lose and my friends were noticing and getting increasingly concerned. So about two months after the break up I finally saw a doctor at my friends' requests. I didn't want to take medication but my doctor told me I absolutely needed to start keeping food down. I was started on something to ease the nausea and prozac to ease my anxiety and apparently, depression. I didn't feel depressed but I tried it anyway. After a month I felt incredible. I could eat, make it through classes without puking and was going out with my friends again.

However something is still tugging at me. I find myself wanting to vomit. Before it was involuntary. But now I want to do it. I guess I have started to gain my weight back and I'm not liking where its falling but I don't think that's why I'm doing it. I still never feel as calm or at peace as I do in that twenty minutes after I puke. It’s a feeling even the prozac cannot give me. I know the health risks associated with this behavior. They are real and severe but I cannot make myself stop. I'm scared to go to my doctor because while I like the prozac, I really don't want to be forced on to anymore medication and I really cannot afford any more visits. Can someone please help me?

I agree with Missundersmock, there isn't anything one of us could say that you could implement to help yourself over this, it takes the professional experience of a councilor or psychologist.

Yes there are psychiatrists too, but my preferance is a psychologist who can refer you on to a psychiatrist who is the only licensed to dispense medical prescriptions. I am always for finding non medical ways to discover why something is happening and then determining if there is anything that can be done that won't involve prescription meds.
I know you said you can't afford more Dr. visits but you need to check with your insurance if they cover seeing a psychologist, or even if thru work, some visits are covered by employer. If not covered by insurance or you don't have any ins. perhaps its time to get on Obamacare or change your insurance provider to one who will cover, if any do. Its worth looking into.

What I can say is that the body can get used to something that happens often until it becomes a habit which could be happening with you.
Then also, there's your subconscious mind to consider. You know how sometimes there can be an unknown program running in the background on your computer that takes up all its energy so everything else doesnt' work right? Well, sometimes the subconscious mind is like that to your conscious, logical, awake mind. It then interferes with the normal functioning in your life.
So this tug, desire to vomit means it needs to be discovered what hidden needs or faulty thoughts are the programs running in your subconscious that fuel this want to purge.
What I would like to suggest you consider is someone in counseling or psychology who not only understands the role of the subconscious in sometimes causing issues like this but how to determine why and then how to treat that. The easiest way to deal with the subconscious sometimes is hypnotherapy which some psychologist are licensed to do. I know a couple treatments can often solve issues where something has become a habit. A friend went to see one after she became jumpy and easily spooked by habit after a coworker consistently would try to unexpectedly scare her so she spilled or dropped things. After seeing a hypnotist, this reaction went away and she could no longer be spooked by her mean coworker.

[view]

23/ F
I am going to start with I think I have always been depressed in some way my whole life. I never told anyone I was constantly feeling sad for no reason. I thought being sad was normal and that's what people should feel too. My depression goes in spurts...signs of me thinking I have depression is constantly telling myself I'm not worth living on this earth, that people are better off without me, I would pinch myself hit myself in the face things like that. I think I have aniexty also. these episodes I have of hurting myself affect more when I am working and put under stress. About 3 weeks ago my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me. I had never been so sad in my whole life. He said that things weren't the same and he said that he was feeling depressed and didn't want to be with me anymore. I thought my whole world was falling apart. Over the weekend 4th of July I felt so sad no one was around me my parents were gone my friends were all away I felt so depressed I wanted to take pills and die. I looked at my medicine cabinet and was going to take something and I scared myself, I called my older sister and told her how I was feeling. She was worried for me and spent the night with me. I went to my doctors yesterday and told her how I was feeling. She prescribed me on a low dosage of Zoloft. I only have taken 2 days first the side affects are awful. But I want to get better. I hessisted on telling my mom about my prescription we are really close but she doesn't understand. When I told her she kind of freaked out and told me nothing is wrong with me and I'm not depressed. Some of my friends tell me I'm not depressed and I just have a little aniexty . Is it normal for me to be on Zoloft? How long are people on it for. I feel like something is wrong with me because I am on medication. I wonder to myself if this is wrong and nothing is wrong with me. My mom told me my depression is temporary because of my breakup and thinks its redicilous to be on medication. My sister told me to ignore her thoughts because she thinks this is going to help me. I understand it takes a while to kick in but will the side affects go away? What will I feel after normal?

Any time a person suffers the terrible side effects of any medication prescribed, even contraceptives, its time to tell the Dr. and get on a different medication. I just did that with my BP meds.

As for Mom, yes...its hard as a mother to be able to admit to oneself that your child is having problems. She's lying to herself because she is afraid, afraid of what she doesn't understand or know anything about. I as a Mom saw a daughter go thru post partum depression, but then she admitted she's felt depressed since her teen years. Now she is showing all the signs of having a mental illness as well. I love her just the same, no matter what she is suffering from. Mom is right in that there is such a thing as temporary depression due to a stressful or unexpected event in life. I've had that too. Me, I am in that state 3 days tops before I use my willpower to do the things that help me back out of it.

Some people don't have that choice of a recipe for overcoming depression because theirs, like my daughters, is clinical depression. Here's a link that describes it:
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/clinical-depression/FAQ-20057770

You need to understand clinical depression to know that it isn't your fault or something you do or fail to do that causes it, you were born this way, just like another person doesn't choose to be gay, they are born that way.

YOur doctor may have explained all this but I find they talk in terms that the common non medical person can't understand well or grasp.
So I am taking the time here to explain what you most likely do not yet know.
Here's what I know of the hows and why some people have clinical (major/severe/long term) depression.

It is when the levels of neural transmitters are too low (depressed levels) or non existant, that we call a person depressed.
So what are Neural-transmitters? They are a brain chemical like dopamine or serotonin, that a body is meant to create, by which a nerve cell communicates with another nerve cell.
For your use, I am putting in links to deficiency signs of those two particular NT's.

http://www.ehow.com/about_5561783_dopamine-deficiency-symptoms.html

http://www.naturalhealthadvisory.com/daily/depression-and-anxiety/7-serotonin-deficiency-symptoms-that-you-can-identify-yourself/

Nt's get used up by your brain to help you deal with the pressures and stresses of life, the hurts and disappointments. Once used up, a normal functioning brain creates it's own NT's again but needs help from the person, to give a little prod to the production of these NT's. There are certain things and actions that help release a new supply of these brain chemicals in you, like getting long hugs, laughing at comedy, exercise like dancing, running, singing helps as well as listening to ones most fav. uplifting melodies. For me, an example that helps boost my NT production is listening to Clocks by Coldplay. ITs different for each person. As stated, this works well is the parts of your brain that create these chemicals are in working order to begin with. If not, and born with non functioning parts in the brain to create these NT's, then a person is considered Clinically depressed and a man made version of those NT's must be taken as a prescribed medicine to supply the amounts you need. With man made meds, there is always the chances of side effects until a person trys a type that their body doesn't react to in a negative way.

Now you know its a condition you were born with and that taking man made replacements for what your own body can not and never will be able to create, is a very much needed step. You might ask your Dr. if there is a brochure that can explain clinical depression easily for you to pass on to Mom, or share with Mom my explanation of it if you want to gain her understanding and support. Your sister is wonderful to support you and yes, meds will help when you have the right ones, but it wouldn't hurt to do the things I mentioned for short term, temp. depression to work along with your meds.
As for the breakup with boyfriend, it depends on the persons condition as to how their body will handle it. If temp depression due to that event, a person can eventually in time get over it.
A person without meds for clinical depression will not be able to work thru the grief and heal, not until they are on meds, and then with time, eventually they get over it.

When your boyfriend said he was depressed, if the temp kind, and he has in 5 yrs time been able to handle you having depression ALL the time, then it isn't due to anything you did, just his own issues, a stress at work that came up or some such thing.

Perhaps he has clinical depression, has not gone to a doctor for it. A clinically depressed person is not going to be able to handle well a relationship with another depressed person, its like sharing a dark dreary dungeon cell with another person.
A normally upbeat person who doesnt suffer depression at all, can after an amount of time be finally worn down and tired to the point of being susceptible to temp depression themselves from dealing with a depressed partner day in and day out, 24/7, Especially if they are not on meds or the meds aren't working. I was married 30 yrs to a man who didn't get diagnosed until a couple years before I left him, with mental illness. That is something else that can wear down a partner either emotionally or physically. For me it was mostly physically.

All I can say is no matter why he left, you will better your odds for a healthier, stable relationship with the next guy if you get on meds where you are consistantly in better health as far as dealing with stress. I wish you the best.
I've never been on Zoloft, as I dont have depression but I do know its the number one favorite being prescribed today by Drs. That doesnt mean it is best for you. The original popular BP med I was put on had its side effects show up after a few months. I was told some people react badly to it, some don't, depends on the person's body.
Check with your Dr. They may want you to take it for longer than just a couple days to be sure. But if you can't handle it now and it isn't a delayed build up of reaction like I had with something else, I'd say its best to push for a change in meds.

[view]

I need help! My favourite teacher is leaving and I have known her since 6th Grade!!(my school is high school and primary school) she used to teach my sister in 3rd grade, but she swapped classes( to my Class) I really like her because I can tell her everything. She is like a sister to me, and she makes me laugh. A few weeks ago she told my class she was leaving to another school, at first I didn't care, but when she said another town I got emotional. It is 7 days left of the year! How can I make her stay? I really need help! Yours sincerely-Chole 12

Hi Chloe,

I had someone like this in HS, it was the school nurse. She was such a sweet easy to talk to supportive person, that it wasn't just me but 4 other girls that felt the same about her. She was like a having a combo 'best friend" mixed with Mother or Auntie...a person with more maturity and life experience. She wasn't leaving, we were graduating but didn't want to lose contact with her. this was the age before pc's and internet so we traded phone numbers and addresses to keep in touch. I invited her to my wedding and the couple first years of marriage had reunion parties for just our small group which she was happy to attend.

So I do understand. I always did wonder if this adult woman would want to even keep in touch with us, no matter how nice she was or if it would somehow interfere with her life. But there never seemed a problem as we didn't daily or weekly try to keep in touch, more of a couple times a month or so. With social media its so much easier to keep in touch so trading contact on facebook or such helps to stay in contact without constantly being demanding of her attention or personal responses to you, in exactly the same way as you have had in school. Be mindful she still has her own life to live and a new job and town to get situated in. She may not write or chat with you as often as you like. But the fact is, if she is willing to remain in touch and sets the pace of how often she is free to chat, be grateful for that, it could be less, or no contact at all. You will in time be busier also with college, dating, marriage, etc... and not able to give her the same amount of time yourself, no matter how much you want to, it just won't be practical...so keep that in mind dear. The relationship most certainly will evolve and change some but it certainly does not need to end.
It is a possibility this can happen and I don't want you to feel disappointed or depressed if it does happen, is it just a part of what happens in life.

[view]

Me - 24/F
Boyfriend - 26 this month/M

My boyfriend and I recently decided that we will start trying to have a child within the next few years. I want the experience of carrying a life inside of me that we will both love unconditionally, and will hopefully love us back. The two of us have basically agreed that the only reason why we haven't started trying yet is because we are both still students, and, unfortunately, while we are both looking for employment, none of us are working, so it would be really bad.

I have debated on discussing this with my aunt, since it was really weird but I don't know if I'm comfortable telling her that her niece who she hasn't seen in over 2 years is sexually active. She has a daughter whose only a little over 2 and a half years older than me, who has been pregnant before, but I feel like she's more used to seeing me as a child then an adult. The other thing is that she is my dad's sister and I'm terrified of her telling him. I, also, don't want to detract the attention away from my other cousin whose girlfriend is due in September.

I had sex with my boyfriend on Wednesday, and I had something like a period like a few hours after. It was red and splotchy, almost like spotting.

I was on birth control at the time (I have since allowed it to lapse, but will be going to the gynecologist shortly), and there's a very low failure rate even though I have been forgetting to set an alarm to take it at the same time everyday. Other times since I have been on birth control my period has been very normal.

I have had sex the day before my period, but it was normal.

Although I bled for a few days I was able to use a single pad and I was fine. I definitely did not have normal bleeding. At first, I had little red dots of blood, then it turned light brown. A little bit into it, it was black and then it just turned extremely light. It was more like an extended period of spotting that lasted for about five days, as opposed to my usual seven. While I thought it was really weird, I told myself that it was a normal period after it didn't disappear like 2-3 days into it. To put it simply, it was more like my body was trying to have a period but it was unsuccessful.

Now I have cramping and my breasts slightly hurt. I'm bleeding a little bit, but barely.

I have decided not to tell my boyfriend that there is a possibility that I am pregnant, because I am trying to rationalize things. The problem is that I have a history of freaking out about being pregnant. So, truthfully, if I am I would rather tell him after I find out then have him freak out just like I am right now.

I think that it is a good idea to sit down and discuss this with my gynecologist during my appointment.Is this a normal thing with birth control? Should I have a normal period next month?

Missundersmock indeed covered reasons why you could bleed after sex and those are very possible and likely. I often experienced through out my life what you mention: your real period hadn't come yet and the progression of light spotting of blood dots which could have come with sex, but then the brown to black spotting which is the color of older dried blood, which is a sign that her period is delayed and then spots of pinkish to red which signals a period is finally about to start. I am now in menopause but I have a long life time of period experiences to be able to tell you that this can happen thru out your life, no matter how many normal periods you have. This can happen whether you are on hormonal birth control, other means of birth control, or on non at all.
It is something that happens from time to time. One thing that delays a period is stress. Another, illness. Yet another, being in the presence of other women on a daily basis where your body picks up on their hormones emitted and starts to delay or speed up the start of your cycle to match theirs...why the body does this...I dont know but its a proven fact. I found when I worked in a small office with five other women, that if I had my period they had theirs, or were just starting or ending theirs as we often had need of menstrual pads and were asking each other.
I have also discovered that if I was at the beginning or end of a period and decided to have sex anyway as my mate didnt mind, that the flow of blood tended to stop, be delayed for the period of time I was having sex. So to my thinking, it is possible that this activity could even delay a period starting a little bit as each of us are a bit different. I wouldn't consider this abnormal either.

Now, as for what looks to be the normal signs of pregnancy...if a woman is taking Hormonal based contraceptives such as the pill, the way that these hormones work is to trick the body into believing it is already pregnant so you don't ovulate but you will still get a period. When the body is under the false impression that it is constantly pregnant, it is not uncommon for women to experience the side effects that come along with pregnancy, weight gain, loss of desire for sex, tender breasts and so on. So you really can't in this case rely on these experiences as 100% proof that you are pregnant, only a pregnancy test can confirm that.
If you had a history of menstruation problems such as severe pains, constant irregular periods or too heavy flows each time, you would know it and so would your doctor and you would have had to go see them for these issues by now. So I do not beleive this to be your problem either.

This leaves only a couple things, implantation bleeding which to my knowledge is pink to red spotting as a close girlfriend who experienced this every time told me, not anything brown or black like a delayed period.

Or the only other possible reason for bleeding and severe pains can be if already pregnant for some time and the fertilized egg is stuck growing in fallopian tube and has burst the tube which is called an ectopic pregnancy, which can be life threatening without medical intervention. Heres a link with info on that but dont get scared, your symptoms do not match so far the ones listed here from what you have shared. Just go see your Dr. tell them of your concerns and ask what is normal and what isn't.
http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/pregnancy-ectopic-pregnancy

I understand wanting someone close, a family member with whom to share any period related, sex related or pregnancy related issues. What you need to realize is that any normal adult will expect that any healthy person, including blood relatives who are adults of 18 or older, (and even younger apply too,) are for sure going to be engaging in sex or at least masturbate alot to take care of their needs if they have no partner.
This is a given. I have 3 daughters in your age range. I remember when they were little, when they went thru puberty, and also knew that they had sexual urges back then, its a given. Therefore, I know in my mind that they would soon be as young adults engaged in sex. Of course, I have always be open in talk with them about sexual matters so they have felt comfortable approaching me with all sort of details, infections, their first orgasm, etc...
Perhaps your own mother is too close minded, shies away from sex talk or too cl

But if you feel your aunt is open minded and approachable and one to give support readily, then don't worry about talking to her. My daughters have talked to their aunt from childhood on regarding some things they felt better approaching her first about. She encouraged them to talk to me also and then told me they had talked to her about something and that she encourage them to share with me, without sharing details, so I had a heads up and could ask them if they wanted to talk to me about this unknown subject that they talked to their aunt about, that she felt as mother they should share with me. SHe understood the bond we had.
I don't know your family but if as close as you say, this kind of talk should be a comfortable easy confidential thing between the women folk.

To feel on more equal ground, perhaps you could start by saying you want to share things of a sexual nature to your aunt but want to hear her experiences first regarding your concerns, then ask her the things you are concerned about. Did she ever take hormonal contraceptives, did she ever experience late periods, did she ever get brown to black spotting> No matter our age, that is one thing women will never forget as its something we lived with, our monthly cycle, our sexuality for all our life.

[view]

So you answered my first question I posted when I hadent talked to my friend in over a month I don't know if you remember or not but I was curious about one other thing that came to mind. There's this girl that I used the friends with until she started bullying me in high school and then I ended the friendship. Anyway one of the things she would do when she started bullying me was if I would make a new friend she would say something to them I never knew or found out what but whatever she said would make them just stop talking to me and I would never talk to them again. There was only one girl, I'm still friends with her to this day, that either just didn't listen to her or she didn't get to her and she stayed my friend. Anyway she knows this guy that I haven't talked to in about two months now and she tried to ruin things with him back then too. So about probably a month ago she sent me a message on Facebook basically trying to like talk to me again and maybe be friends again idk (I didn't respond) but anyway that made me realize that there's a possibility that she could have messaged him on there too and said something to him and he got scared off or something. I have no idea if that's the case obviously but like I said it's a possibility. I'm thinking him and his wife may just have new phones and don't have my number since obviously he hasn't responded and before I got your first answer I decided to text his wife but she never responded either. The only weird thing about that theory is that they still have the same phone number on Facebook. So I don't know should I just still wait like you said before or do I like sent a note in the mail just to check?

Sorry that I missed something in what you previously wrote, hey we're all human and prone to overlook or make errors.
It is a good thing you intend to avoid getting back together with or even answering this girl who says things to others behind your back that get them to cut off any friendship with you.

I will say though that even in 5th grade as I had to start at a new school, I experienced this sort of stuff. All the girls who approached to befriend me bad mouthed a chubby gal named Twila and told me to not befriend her as she was....and here told all sorts or terrible and unflattering stories about her as to why I wouldn't want to waste my time with her.
You would think when the majority of people told the same story, one would think there must be some truth to it. However, something in my character did not want to take someone elses word for it, no matter how convincing. I rather wanted to discover it for myself or hear the facts from the actual person of concern. I do the same with celebs, not heeding what magazines have to say, digging up dirt that might not be true. I prefer to hear it from the horses mouth instead, which means, directly from the celeb themselves such as in a personal interview with someone really good at it like Barbara Walters.

What I am saying is, that no matter for what reason a person paints you bad, that's only one small issue, your bigger problem is that all your 'so-called' friends would choose to believe her, both those who know you well and should know better to know its not in your character to say or do such things...

or those who don't know you well enough yet and are so weak in character themselves that they would believe anything told to them, meaning they are too gullible or total idiots, don't know how to use their own brains and yes, perhaps this guy was told something too. These are the types of people would believe as fact some headline on the National Enquirer, popular magazines or on the nightly news that shares something outrageous. All those venues are into making money and they know that dirt and lies and outrageous stories sells more issues and TV prime time than good, heroic, loving, caring stories about people. It's human nature.

However, we're talking about young adults here I assume with the one friend being married and as adults, this simpleton behavior of believing whatever bad gossip you are told about a friend or yours is middle school and HS behavior.

It usually not until our mid twenties or sometimes later that the frontal lobe of the human brain completes growing to its mature adult reasoning capacity. Before this, people are apt to make errors in judgement too often, make bad decisions, etc.... so this may come into play here but I can't say.

What I think could be a reason for this one girl going around turning everyone against you is that for some reason she is very jealous of your life and wishes she was more like you, for some reason hates her own life so far and envies yours. She may or may not have tried to duplicate your life in her own and not been able to feel satisfied, so if she can't have the same, the only way she can feel better is to lower you to her standards. This means, if she is bound to be miserable in life, she wants you to be too as thats the only way she won't feel she has to compete with you as you are now just as miserable as her. She may not show any signs of being unhappy but it could be there, just saying its a possibility.
This could mean at the very least she has low self confidence deep at core which she may not let others see, have issues with negative thought patterns, all which are best treated with professional counseling or...
this could be the signs or beginnings of a mental illness she has. So many people today do have various issues like that or depression or anxiety, all which involve the brain.
You can't help her. But if this is the case, you can at least be proactive, with the people you know and the new people you meet. She may have a skill of being very believeable like a con artist but you can...
Plant a seed of doubt in them where she is concerned.

SO here's what I would try in case any of these friendships are retrieveable. I would find a way to communicate with them either face to face as top choice so you know for sure they heard you, or a web based message, or write a postal letter.

I had the same problem with trying to get in contact with son in law and his new wife to arrange seeing my granddaughter for 6 mos. All my calls went unanswered. I had other relatives contact them on my behalf and was told that their phones were the same and they just hadn't heard from me. I dont know what their issues were but for some reason, other relatives knowing they weren't answering me, make them decide to pick up communication with me again and answer my calls. People can have grievances and cut off communication for the smallest of imagined things on their part. Why, I don't know but it sure as heck isn't mature adult behavior. We have a bunch of adult children raising children these days.

As to what you say in contact, you can go to the heart of it, saying you do not understand why as your friend, they are avoiding you. you are asking for their honesty, no matter how bad it is, you want to at least set things straight. If someone else has shared anything bad about you, you want to know too. YOu can now mention that you know of a gal from HS who would approach every friend you personally made, say something to them, (you don't know what) and after that, no one wanted to continue being friends with you. You are finding this is still continueing to happen today after HS and want to know from him if anyone has approached him to share something bad about you that could have caused him to begin avoiding contact with you? You don't have to name her. Its better you don't, let him name her. You could try the same with others.
As for new friends, every new person you meet, I would tell your story soon after meeting them if it seems they are enjoying the friendship. Again without sharing a name, let them know of a female bully in HS who approaches every new friend you make to turn them against you. You are letting them know she most likely is very jealous of your life, wanted to be like you, can't and therefore has made it her mission to make you as miserable as her. And this is how she attempts to do it. You ask only for them to evaluate you as a friend by their own experience rather than believe the words of an outside person. And you would like to know from them if they are approached by a person about you and who that person is as you suspect it is this particular girl.
It may sound cheesy and and odd or terrible thing to do, but so many people today ARE very gullible and preparing them ahead for something like this just may make them think twice before believing them. I am sure its possible she follows your life still and watches to see who you interact with to attempt to poison things for you with others. For this to go on for years in this manner speaks to me of mental illness and she can't be forced to seek help so you can only do your best to be prepared for the worst in this way.
Also, I don't know why you never asked, but the one person who remained a friend and never turned against you, I would ask her if anyone ever told her bad things about you in an attempt to turn her against you as it seems to happen often in your life since a bully in HS starting pestering you, again, no mention of names as you don't have the kind of proof that would be acceptable in a court of law as damning evidence, not until other people, many all provide her name to you as the one who started this all.

So send your letter in the mail, also talk to your one friend , see what you can find out, and warn other new friends without sharing the name of the person who seems to have something against you whom you suspect is going around sharing some convincing bad false stuff about you.

[view]

I have a friend who i've known for a couple of years. He has been a great help to me when I needed it the most and when I needed someone to talk to. Unfortunately, he's also crossed boundaries with me many times. Coming onto me sexually, asking me lots of questions as if he's keeping tabs on me, etc. In the past i've told him how I felt and he's backed off a bit but before long the questions come again. I feel like I can't get rid of him because he knows intimate details about my past. I'm worried that even if I attempt to end our friendship directly by telling him, that he will try to use something against me. This person no longer feels like a friend. It feels like someone who just wants to intrude upon my life by asking me about my whereabouts and just other personal things. He wants to hang out but i'm not really interested. I've done away with my text messaging and he no longer has my number but he does have my email. He still pops up at least once a week and when I get a message from him, I feel honestly sick to my stomach.

I've done my best to distance myself from him without being mean or telling him directly to leave me alone. I just wish I could word an email somehow that let him know that I care for him but that I just think we both need to go our separate ways. I'm scared though.

For the info, i'm a gay male and he is too.

Any advice would be helpful. At this rate, the only safe thing I feel I can do is just be very slow to reply to his emails and make it short n sweet.

Please help.

~B

Hi B !

People who are friends can over time change and become very different and drift apart. So its not unheard of or odd for you to no longer want to be his friend. I dont believe you own him any more explanations as you've already spoken to him and given him boundaries he was unable to keep for long. there may be something not working quite right in his mind with his ability to process such information, so explaining to him why you no longer want to stay in contact or be friends is going to go in one ear and out the other, he just wont get it...he won't understand.
You did the right thing of no longer texting and changing your number.
I understand that sinking feeling in the stomach everytime you see an email from anyone you'd rather avoid, especially a person who doesnt treat you well, or give you respect. I got emails from my ex after I left him, hateful ones and on other occasion from a guy I dated after the ex who ended up being a controller and after a couple months I saw it and broke it off with him. He would write from time to time and I in the beginning would open and read even if not meaning to answer but the hateful words and such took that sinkin feeling in my stomach and made me feel really emotionally sick. All you can do is not open his emails and delete them or better yet mark as spam and empty spam folder regularly.
I think you're doing the right thing from how you described him. You cant help or fix him. I tried to hang in there 30 yrs with an abusive ex. It turned out at the end we discovered he has mental illness and he didn't want Dr.s help. Staying with him wasn't going to fix him. The stress of bad relationships can effect your physical health, it did mine, and I realized the only one to save me from this mess was myself.

If by chance he begins showing up at your door uninvited, its time to report to the police. If he isn't making threats, he is at least being a nuisance and that should be in written form in case he tries to take things further. Hopefully not.

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
humorist-workshop
eXTReMe Tracker