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i need a boy friend
Ok so I'm a girl, 12, and I've known I'm lesbain since i was in pre k. I am not really sure how, i just DID. So I used to be pretty lax about showing it until about 1st grade when i realized it wasn't natural, and it was abnormal. Then i was careful to hide it and made sure i was in a relationship/ crushing on a guy so no one would suspect everything. But i always dated a guy for two days and freaked out when things got serious because i know i didn't want this. But I want to want this because I have heard homosexuality is a mental disorder and it can be fixed, so i am trying to fix it and i think a friend is catching on because she notices that I'm acting lesbian and i need to get a boy friend because then she'll just think i was messing with her so i need a boy friend to make everyone think I'm not lesbian while i try to heal. So how can i get a boy friend really quick?
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Ok, being lesbian is not a disorder. its the way you are. You are beautiful and perfect and no different from anyone else. denying yourself the same amount of happiness from a relationship as you think a straight couple may have is just silly. you are only depriving yourself and you'll never be truly happy. as long as you know this deep down then thats ok. i understand that at this point it is easier for you to have a 'boyfriend' to get people off your back.
my suggestion is hanging out with boys, finding common interests and genuinely having a laugh with them, however you don't want to hurt their feelings by leading them on. and you also don't want to hurt yourself in the process.
the best thing to do if this is what you really want is to hang with some boys but also be completely open with yourself and in time close friends/ family. its difficult but will be worth it as you will finally be able to be yourself. remember; those who matter don't care and those who care don't matter.
good luck and look after yourself. everyone deserves to love truly
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Yes, I know that people can be born already with the genetic makeup to become lesbian or gay or bi sexual later on when they reach puberty.
Puberty is the time when we begin to develop sexually and hormones start flowing and it is at this time when those already predetermined sexual preferances are going to make theirself known. Before reaching puberty, a child has no way of personally referencing and processing a "sexual"
orientation.
You mention having your particular feelings since being in pre K. This signals to me that possibly you are experiencing something totally different than a sexual way of being. This sounds more to me like being transgender. Sexual orientation does not necessarily have anything to do with a person's gender identity or expression.
A transgender child like in your case, will have a female body but be drawn to everything boy likes, wanting boy toys, short hair and this is something their brain tells them. Its how they feel about themselves without sex being thrown in. You feel like you are born into the wrong body gender wise. Gender and sexuality are two different things. the same goes for having a male body but feeling inside at a very young age that you are a girl.I think it may be helpful to you to check out a Transgender teen chat room to talk to others who know they are transgender to see if what they feel and have experienced is the same for you. If you are, a support group like this or talking to professionals is helpful because the most stressful crisis time for any transgender is their puberty years. There is more understanding, talk about and support found easily among peers if gay. Being Transgender doesnt seem to be as common and so is less understood. A transgender in a female gender body is going to want to have facial hair, hate the fact their breasts are forming...not want them and hate it when they get a period and begin to wish they had a penis, and hate dating boys, be disgusted by the thought and be attracted to females not because you are a female, but a male trapped in a female body. I hope it makes sense.
I have a couple of you tube video's to look at to get a better idea of what life is like for a transgender child and teen.
This first is a UK papers story with photos and a video on two transgender teens who met in a support group and underwent the 'gender reassignment surgery.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
the next is the story of Jazz, a transgender born with the female brain in a male body who is a spokesperson for transgenders
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
If after all this, you believe you definitely still identify gender wise as a girl and your sexual orientation is lesbian as you are attracted sexually to females, then you are gay. But i doubt it since you mentioned feeling this way since pre school years.
Gay teens have an easier time with peer acceptance. Transgenders however are much more misundertood, not accepted and bullied to the point may take their life. If you are transgender, you will find it harder to find acceptance but that is also growing. There is much hate and bullying of transgender teens. YOu can find more acceptance thru other transgender teens.
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First let’s correct one misconception you have. Being Gay or Lesbian is not a mental disorder and it is how you were born. It is in your DNA form birth. This is now what scientists and doctors believe about people who are homosexuals. This is not a disease that can be fixed.
Normally for a 12 year old to write and say they feel they are Gay or Lesbian I would not agree with them. You just don't wake up one morning and say I'm gay. You though have said the magic words, “I’ve known I'm lesbain since i was in pre k." This is about the time when someone who has been born as a Lesbian or Gay person starts to notice they are different then the others. There is nothing wrong with being Gay or Lesbian other than the fact that many people do not understand and as you felt they feel it is a disease or a choosing. It is neither it as I said the way you were born.
What you have to do is stop denying it to yourself but you do have to, for the time being hide it from your family and friends as they will not understand. As for dating boys for right now at your present age you simply can say you’re not into dating or the truth without the mention of being a lesbian, that no one you know excites you enough to date.
At some point in the future you will, as the saying goes, have to come out of the closet and declare your sexuality. Most likely to your parents first; just how to do so we can discuss in a few years. For now it is far safer that you keep your sexuality to yourself as kids your age especially will not understand and could physically hurt you.
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You dont "need" a boyfriend just to trick people into thinking that your not gay. What you can do is simply just say that you dont really fancy anyone at your school, and that the guys are OK but not your type whats wrong with that??
believe it or not it DOES happen. sometimes you just dont meet anyone in your school that you lock hearts with or crush over even with straight people. So them saying that your "acting gay" is just mean and unfair even if your really are or not. their basically just trying to control you because your not going along with the crowd like a bunch of sheep. dont fall for that.
just tell them "just because i dont have a boyfriend doesnt mean im gay thats kind of fucked up of you to say something like that to me and maybe all of us ARENT boy crazy like you" and that should suffice. let them say whatever they want after that, if youve given no evidence otherwise then they have no proof weather you really are or not and people will believe whatever they want to believe in high school because those days are all about rumors and secrets and lies teens tell each other. None of it really means a damn thing once your graduated and outta there. focus on your school, being successful in life and everything else will fall into place.
; ) good luck
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