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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Well they're not my neighbours, they're my neighbour's neighbour; the house beside our neighbour.
They are SO loud and I'm trying to sleep but I can hear yelling (and they're family is just a normal family and the oldest kids are in high school) and it's driving me nuts! it's summer and I love the earth so I'm using my window but it’s SO loud. And when I shut it I can still hear them, which doesn’t help because it's suffocating in my room if the window isn't open.
They have loud music BLARING, it's almost 12 right now and I should have been asleep a long time ago but I can’t sleep and frankly, I'm getting bags under my eyes. My sister and I just have the urge to scream "SHUT UP!" out the window and duck but we'd be sinking to their level and disrupting the rest of their neighbourhood.
I am seriously thinking of walking to their place in my pajamas right now and yelling at them. What do I do? Oh, and ear plugs DON'T work! Like I get it's summer, but you got to think of everyone else around you when you're living in a NIEGHBOURHOOD.
The Answer
Call the cops.
It's that simple.
Anything else is dangerous and rude. There is no reason to approach them personally. That's just asking for trouble.
The next time this happens, pick of the phone and call the police.The police can talk to them about an anonymous noise complaint, and if it keeps happening, they can be fined. Keep a document of when this happens, and keep calling the police each time.
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The Question
Here's how I see it; humans are evil. (I know vampires do not exist, but I like them anyway) Vampires kill humans to eat. Humans kill cows, goats, sheep, pigs to eat. If vampires are evil, then so are humans. And wolves because they ate that wild boar (or whatever they eat). And snakes for eating that mouse. And sharks for eating that fish.
Humans are a lot more evil because you don't see vampires (in ANY book {besides Nightworld, no not even that...}) raising humans for food, but you see HUMANS raising COWS and PIGS for food.
Yes, I do like animals, but humans also kill each other. Humans are destroying the pl anent. We aren't going to have any more vegetation in the future, however near that may be.
Sure, there are some evil vampys in books and movies who want to take over the world or destroy it, but there are also humans who are evil too.
So, are vampires evil?
The Answer
You are missing a few key points in this philosophical debate:
What is 'evil'? Can it every be truly evil to do what comes naturally to us an animals? Does 'evil' even exist? Or is it simply a subjective label created by humans and applied to different things based on the culture we grew up in?
What about sentience? Most people, even most vegetarians I've spoken too, believe there is a difference between killing a human being, who can think and reason and understand, then killing a mosquito or even rat. Most people agree that a human life is inherently more valuable then an animals, so where do we draw the line? Could the same arguments be used to argue that a vampires life is inherently more valuable then a humans? Or that a girls life is inherently more valuable then a boys?
Why is a what a vampire does any different then what a human being does? There is far more in common between a vampire and a human being then even a human being and a chimp. Why would vampires and humans be held to different standards of morality?
Does it really matter who is 'more evil' or 'more good' as a group? Shouldn't we judge all intelligent creatures as individuals, not as ethnic groups?
These are interesting questions with real life applications. Frankly, I'd encourage you to do some thinking and reading on the subject of Good and Evil and Consciousness, but leave the vampires out of it. The real world provides plenty of fascinating cases for how we relate to the universe and why. Fictional creatures like vampires can be used to over-simplify these issues (like saying vampires aren't destroying the planet, well, neither are unicorns or dragons, that is a pretty meaningless idea) and it doesn't make the world a better place to try and deny the fact these things are deeply complex and deal with the issues as they really exist.
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The Question
hey my ex is trying to give me this crap about sex not being good for her when we had it and that she faked orgasms and stuff.. isnt there a way to tell like while fingering her when she would say she was cumming i could feel it contracting inside and the fact cum was coming out like isnt there physical things that happen that cant be faked?
The Answer
Sure there are physical things that can't be faked, but as the guy outside of her body, it's unlikely you'll notice them.
Contracting the muscles can be done by choice, and women are can stay lubricated through the entire act. Only very few, rare women, get suddenly more wet when they reach orgasm.
So basically, no. You can't tell. You can make a few educated guesses, but you can't tell for certain.
Just stop talking to her now.
If this girl feels the need to be this catty and obnoxious after the breakup, then you two should simply not speak any longer. You aren't doing anyone any favors by allowing this childish bullying to continue. You'll never see eye to eye, and you'll never know the whole truth, so please just let this stupid arguments die.
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The Question
do you think people who call themselves bi are more than likely to just be trying to ease into the "coming out of the closet" bit? like, they are actually gay/lesbian but are not ready to tell the world so just say bisexual?
i know some people are actually bi but just wondering what your opinions/experiences are.
The Answer
A person's sexuality is evolving and fluid.
When a person calls themselves a bisexual, it is only respectful to believe that they honesty believe that they are attracted to either gender.
It's disrespectful and a little cruel to assume that a bisexual is:
On their path to gay.
Or just experimenting for a little while.
Either of those things MIGHT be true, but the person calling themselves a bisexual might not be ready to deal with either of those possibilities (and obviously, they might never even come up), and what they decide to call themselves in 5 years, or even next Thursday is none of your business.
Out of a respect for an individual, believe what they tell you. Ask for clarification of what a word means to them if you need it, but don't go around making these assumptions. They might be true of some people, but there are no statistics like 25% of gay 40 year old called themselves bisexuals when they were 16. Even if those stats existed, they'd be bullshit and basic human respect would still demand you listen to what a person tells you about themselves, and not try to turn them into a stat.
Lastly, and this is just my personal opinion, but I think it's actually a bit harder in this day in age to explain bisexuality to people then homosexuality. It's not a safe haven if you are worried about people's perception, so you don't really gain anything by making it a pit stop between gay and straight. You just end up with more people, making more judgements of you and with more questions. I believe that if you think you are gay, you say so, same goes for bi or straight. If you find out you might have been wrong, that's cool, and no one should give you flack for it.
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The Question
13/m
is there a kind of a set of stages type thing of what a girl will do when their angry at you because i was going out with this girl for about a week but then she got angry and dumped me because she said i was ignoring her and not paying enough attention and not making her feel special like i should and that is somewhat true but i was always afraid if she would get too creeped out by me telling her that she was beautiful and stuff like that so i hardly ever did now its been about a week and shes still angry at me
but for the first few days she was angry and telling me what i should of done to/for her that would make her feel special and stuff now shes starting to ignore me because i saw her at the movies as i was walking past it to go into the shops and i waved at her and her friend who was with her who is my friend also and she turned around and saw me then just looked away and that completely ruined my day so is there like stuff that she will keep doing for a certain amount of time until she forgives me and ive told her im sorry but she told her friend to tell me that she said im a dick head so im like getting unhappy cause she means alot but i cant keep going on with her being like this
sorry its so long
thanks
The Answer
I don't think 'demanding bitch' is a stage.
Look, this girl isn't simple angry with you, unless you cheated on her with her best friend, or killed her cat, or something awful like that, then she is just completely needy, demanding and trying to walk all over you.
You dated for a week! And for some reason she expected you to be all over her, worshiping the ground she walked on? She expected you to be suddenly comfortable with that, and to pay constant attention to her? She expected you, a 13 year old guy, to know exactly how to make her feel fantastic, in a week?!
That's completely unfair of her and sort of insane. And now she is staying angry at you to punish you, and too keep you paying attention to her because she enjoys your attention. She doesn't care if you are miserable, as long as you are paying attention to her.
Please, don't continue to let this girl punish and demand things from you. She will stay angry with you for as long as it entertains her to do so. She's doing it for the attention and the drama, not because she has any right.
You've apologized for what you felt you did wrong, now try and let it go. Ignore her abuse, her behavior at this point is childish and silly, and the best way to stop her anger, is to stop paying attention to her.
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The Question
Hey ,
So would you think Montreal,Quebec or Toronto, Ontario would be better for jobs? because i love the montreal culture but then im goign to miss my home town toronto.. which would you prefer for better job searches?
and also i was wondering about how to get in contact with immigration officer jobs.. or what are some good government paying jobs or any job?
thank you :)
The Answer
More then anything else, your job prospects in those cities depend on the language you speak.
If you speak and write fluent English and French, you could work in any of those cities. If you speak only English, you could work easily in Toronto, and with a bit of effort you could find work in Montreal.
For almost any government job you'll need to be bilingual.
The economy is not good in any of those cities right now, so your job prospects depend a lot on what field you'd like to work in. However, if you speak only English, Toronto is your safest bet.
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The Question
I'll keep this short lol
I like this guy, and I like flirting with him, but he constantly tells me he's interested in having a "forever" relationship with me once I turn 18 (in less than a year).
I'm NOT looking for anything like that! He's WAY TOO OLD FOR ME, I'm talking 10+ older than I am. I'm not sure how to handle the situation, I stopped flirting already.
Basically what I want (not sure if this can happen) is for him to give up the idea of living with me for the rest of his life and go back to the way it was (FRIENDS)
Can anyone give me some suggestions on how to deal and come across? Anything is appreciated!
The Answer
Be firm, direct and so clear it's almost cruel when you tell him you aren't interested.
I'm dead serious.
Please, take this from a girl with a few more years of experience with guys:
If this is an older guy talking like this to you, a teenage girl, he's fucked up.
Seriously fucked up. One of the reasons you are becoming a target of his fucked-up-ness is because a girl his own age wouldn't put up with it. Most girls his own age would have little alarm bells going off in their head that are much louder then then the little ones you've got in yours.
The only chance you have at a normal, respectful and healthy relationship with an older guy who is not taking the damn hint, is to be very, very clear. Anything else will just have this same pattern continuing, with him backing off for a bit, and then coming right back at your with the 'forever' talk.
Try this:
"I enjoy our friendship, and part of that is the harmless flirting, but that's all it is. We are only friends. I never want to be more then friends with you, and when talk about a relationship with me when I'm eighteen, it upsets me. I just want to be honest with you about that: It's not going to happen and I don't want to talk about it."
He might not want to be your friend after you are this clear with him, but anything less then that clear is not going to solve your problem AND it's even a bit dangerous to allow him to continue like this. I know you like the attention, any girl would, but please nip this in the bud before it becomes a problem.
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The Question
Here's the story in a nutshell. I have a sister, brother-in-law and niece (8)/nephew (11). I have a husband and two sons, 4 and 8. My sister has had trouble with her oldest son. He was diagnosed with a learning disability and OCD, and is on low-dose med and moved into a special school system for more one-on-one teaching. I have had a couple occurences with him, when he has been visiting, one of children has been injured. Few months ago, my older son was on a trampoline with him. They were throwing balls on the trampoline (soft squishy balloon-type balls) and my son had hit him with one. My nephew has taken Mixed Martial Arts classes and put my son in a "lock" where he twisted his arm behind his back. My son's arm was swollen. We let that go and figured his parents would deal with him. My brother-in-law merely told him to apologize and stated that he did it because my son hit him with the ball. Next occurence, at my home. Children are all playing downstairs. My youngest son (4) comes up crying with a bleeding lip. I was told by the others that my nephew was wrestling with my 4 year old and threw him into the couch and he hurt his lip. Last occurence, all children are playing video games, my sons vs. my niece,nephew. My sons beat them and my nephew stated he would "kick the crap out of him". He gave a kick to my older son's shoulder, then my little guy charged at my nephew to stop him, but my nephew threw him into the wall. He then got my older son in a "headlock" where he lifted him up off the ground choking him. When his sister ran upstairs, he let him go and came up screaming, "he did nothing wrong". My husband, then BLEW UP!!! He kicked my kitchen garbage can and started screaming, "This kid is an F---ing animal, and he's gonna kill someone some day!" My sister and brother-in-law were immediately offended by my husband's outburst and have turned on us. They somehow twisted the story around to my other two sisters and painted a picture that my husband is an "out of control maniac" and a danger to be in the house with??? She told my other family members that my son was taunting her son and called him a "loser" for losing the game, and that's when he went after him. I know this isn't the story, as my older son, as well as my niece gave me the story as it happened, and their stories matched. I originally was made at my husband, once I made sure my son was ok, and could breathe, but as the day went on I became irate over the stories I was hearing about how my husband was so wrong. My family does not believe that my nephew would ever truly harm my son. I think otherwise. I know my son did not tease him, it's totally out of his character, my little one may have, but does that still justify trying to choke my older boy??? My family thinks I am completely over-reacting, and my husband is the wrong one for blowing up on a child. Please advise!
The Answer
Your husband reacted very badly and he's the adult. So he needs to take responsibility for that. He should apologize to all involved for loosing his temper, especially if it was in front of small children. Think of this way: Your husband's example could easily encourage your nephew, and your own children, to think of yelling and kicking as okay ways to deal with anger. As a responsible adult, he owes it to his kids to set the difficult example and to apologize to everyone and admit that Daddy made a mistake.
As for your nephew: If you feel he is not to be trusted with your children, that's on you. You don't have to convince your sister or brother-in-law, all you have to do is:
One. Tell them what you believe. (You have already done this. You don't need to again.)
Two. Keep your children safe.
If keeping your children safe means that their cousins are not invited over as often, that's fine. If it means that you need have them play some place where there is constant supervision, that's fine too. If it means they aren't welcome in your home at all, that's a bit extreme and should be a last option, but if that's what you need to do, do it.
Your children's safety is up to you and your husband. So you two can sit down together and decide what you need to do to ensure it. Then, without blaming or arguing, set out your new rules for dealing with your nephew and his family. Take responsibility for these new rules, don't blame it on the nephew's behavior just say “As parents, we feel like this is the best arrangement for OUR kids.”
Those are the two things you need to do, to be respectful adults, to set a good example for all the kids, and too keep peace in the family. I know it doesn't sound easy, or fun, but it would be the right way to respond.
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The Question
So here's the thing. I just graduated high school.I'am only seventeen years old and I'am honestly fed up with my friends. Not to be mean,but i really have outgrown them.I just feel like I'am more mature then them and therefore I need mature friends.All of them "claim" that they are grown now because they are 18 and i just feel like thats bull.To me everybody's in a competion with one another.And I hate to say this but I feel like I dont have strong friends at all.One friend just cant let a boy she dated go.He cheated and he has TWO,yes..TWO kids.I mean,come on!! What will it take.I also have one friend who is so lazy and isnt committed to anything.They are very smart girls but for some odd reason I cant help but to think they have no back-bone.I'am a strong girl and i need strong people around me for support when i cant be.I feel like I'am forever Baby-sitting and i'am the youngest out the group.I forgot to mention that they are all bad influences.They are forever sprung off guys and that cant be good.They only bother with some dudes just to have sex with them and thats not my thing.But they never forget to make me feel like a baby because i dont have sex.My life means everything to me and i dont want to waste it being around negative people.I have hopes and dreams and very important goals and I just feel that they will slow down my purpose.Am I wrong for wanting to hang with a new crowd or Am I a sell out? Fake? Please help me in this situation Becuase I dont feel guilty but Am I being harsh? Thanks for listening,~ladypink
~
The Answer
Two things:
One: It's perfectly fine to decide that your priorities and interests have shifted, and the people whose company you once enjoyed, you no longer like. It's actually a really, really good thing to be able to do that. It's keeps you striving forward and investing in new people.
Two: Yes. You are being harsh and a bit unkind. You'll be a happier and more successful person if you can separate the fact that you don't really like someone's company any longer from them being a terrible person.
It's not uncommon for us to exaggerate how bad or silly someone is in our minds to help justify the fact we don't want to be friends anymore, but it's not mature or polite or gracious.
It's also really, really common for us to get angry with our 'old friends' during big transitions in our life: Like when we graduate.
But these people don't need to be weak, or immature or lazy for you not to want to be their friends. I know many strong, intelligent and lovely people who I don't really want to be friends with either for some reason or another.
People don't need to be lousy for you to not want to be friends. You don't need 'good' reasons to not want to continue a friendship. You just need your own reasons. So you don't need to judge them or call them names to justify not liking them so much.
So stop ripping these people down, and calling them names in your own mind (or out-loud). Even though there is likely an element of truth to your claims about them, stop such nasty judgments. It's harsh, and unattractive behavior that will not make you happier or more likable.
I bet you find that when you stop belittling them in your own mind, and reminding yourself how beneath you they are, you might find you can still enjoy their company on some level. Since you've graduated now, you can exercise a lot more control about when, and how, and for how long you see them as individuals. Even more importantly, you'll be able to express your own view, goals and values to them, with more respect and confidence when you stop writing them off. I hate to be so frank about it, but here it is: If you feel you are being negatively influenced by these people, or belittled and made a baby by them, maybe you aren't quite as strong and confident in your dealings with them as you think you are. Maybe it's worth it to consider, rather then dumping their friendships all together, changing the way your friendships work, and standing up for yourself in very clear, but kind ways, rather then letting their opinions and values weigh you down and piss you off.
Or, you can of course, decide to cool off the friendships, but if you do choose that, do it with grace, respect and an appreciation for the good times you had together, not with harsh judgments and nasty names.
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The Question
My bf of 4 years told me to take a break about three days ago...i dont understand why he would ask me that bcoz he was the one who messed up..we constanly aruged becoz his girl friends from school kept texting him, and it really bothered me alot..i even cried and told him that i dont appreciate them texting you and he seemed to not do anything about it...so we got into this really deep arugement about the girls texting him....n now he wants a break..i dont understand why he would want to take a break instead of trying to change and work things out for me....He thinks that since we been together for long and wanna get married in the future that its ok for him to take advantage of me and do wat he wants bcoz imma always be with him..idk what to do.....im just really mad that he taking a break with me...
The Answer
He wants to break because he doesn't intend to change his way of dealing with text messages from his friends, and since the two of you can't seem to work out a compromise on that issue that works for both of you, he decided he needed to stop arguing about it and just take a break.
He's not necessarily the one who 'messed up'. He's just the one who decided 'Nope. I'm not going to change this.' So he was wise to speak up and get some distance.
I have two things for you to think about:
One. If you truly think this guy is taking advantage of you by speaking to other girls, then maybe this relationship has run it's course. Obviously, you don't want to be with someone who takes advantage of you, and it's clear he doesn't want to be with someone who tries to stop him from communicating with his females friends in this way.
Two. If you really want to be with him, maybe you can find a way to live with the fact he has female friends. When we are young teenagers it's pretty normal for the girlfriend or boyfriend to be our only really close friend of the opposite sex, but as we get older and mature, we collect more friends of the opposite sex. There is nothing wrong with that. It's completely natural and part of growing up. So, unless any of his female friends have behaved inappropriately, either by heavily flirting with him or pawing at him, maybe it's time for you to accept that part of being adult is being 'just friends' with members of the opposite sex, and to have some faith in your boyfriend.
The simplest truth in the universe is this: If someone wants to cheat, they are going to cheat.
Even if you can manage to demand that girls not text your boyfriend, he could still cheat if he wanted too.
If he doesn't want to cheat, he never will, no matter how much texting he does.
You aren't defending your relationship by demanding he stop communicating with all other girls, you are dooming it. Unless there is a specific girl who you are concerned about for real reasons, then your boyfriend deserves your trust. Anything less then that will kill your relationship.
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The Question
Ok making a really long story short. I found out that my boyfriend was getting deployed and we ended up having sex without a condom because we did not have one on hand. I know not the best idea, and please do not harass me about the dangers of no-condom sex. Just answer my question.
Anyway, I am on birth control and as of this month switched to the generic brand. It is pretty much almost the exact same thing as what I was taking but the estrogen and progesterone are just a hair different. (Was on ortho tri cyclene, now on Tri lo sprintec)
Anyway, does this increase my chances of pregnancy? Because we had the condomless sex the first week I was on the new pill.
Thanks!
The Answer
It might increase the risk, but not drastically. Nothing to loose too much sleep over.
Of course, you still should use a condom anyways. It's amazing how quickly 'not having one on hand' can turn into a permentant situation.
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The Question
I'm 17/female and it may seem mildly out of the ordinary for a site like this, anyway, I have been struggling with falling in love with this guy who is probably gay that I see maybe two or three times a year. I think about him on a daily basis and creep on his facebook and twitter. He's 25.
I know it's probably my naivety shining through, but it has been two years since I first met him and I have had feelings for him every single day.
I haven't had a real relationship - ever, not counting the stupid things I did back in junior high. Guys don't particularly like me, I never make moves at all, and I always end up being friends.
Help!! :\
The Answer
He's gay. And 25.
If at all possible, block his pages and ignore his posts. You are feeding into an unhealthy substitute crush.
You know it's impossible, so it's safe.
It can never happen, so you can never be rejected.
You hardly even know him, so you'll never need to take any of the real risks involved in actual relationships.
The first step to stopping the obsession is to stop the online stalking.
The second step is to take a deep breath, and start working on any problems you think you've got.
He is nothing but a convenient distraction that keeps you occupied and away from dealing with your own shit. So long as you are clinging to an impossibility, there is no reason at all for you to change and grow and take a few romantic risks with other people.
And you are seventeen, if you aren't changing, growing and taking some risks now, you might never get around too it.
At seventeen, you've had maybethree years of your life so far where you were even sort of capable of being in a 'real relationship'. (That's a big part of what everyone does stupid things in junior high. Those relationships are just elaborate dress rehearsals.) So this is far from a drought or a serious personal problem: Maybe you aren't quite ready. Maybe you just haven't met anyone who really appeals to you yet.
Whatever the reason, if you need a 'distraction' from the fact you don't currently have a love-life, learn to bake, or knit. Take a class after school or join a club. It's a much healthier way to deal then swooning over someone you barely know (especially when you don't even have the equipment they are interested in), and things like that turn you into a more interesting and confident person when you do met someone who is actually available.
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The Question
My science teacher has a classroom bunny which I agreed to take care of for him. He said he would be gone the entire summer and to just bring him back when school begins. I went on summer vacation on the 16th of June and we don't go back until the 9th of August.
I'm afraid that I'm watching this bunny free of charge. I could understand maybe watching it for a week as a favor, but the ENTIRE summer? I have to clean its cage every week because he gets his bedding everywhere and sometimes I can't sleep at night because he scratches the bottom of his cage and its so loud. And no, I didn't take this job not knowing what I was getting into. I have 6 cats and 2 dogs and know how hard it is to take care of animals. So it would be understandable for me to want him to pay me something right? Even if he was my teacher, he can't just expect me to do all this work as a 'favor'? Even $75 would be fine with me. At a normal animal boarding place, it would cost him around $10-$15 per day just for his bunny.
My question is what should I do if he doesn't pay me when I get back to school/am I wrong in wanting money for this?
The Answer
You are not wrong for *wanting* money, but you might be shit out of luck, because it would be very wrong to change the agreement after it's already begun.
The agreeent when you left last week did NOT include any money. Without asking, you have no idea what he 'expects', all you know is that you agreed to this arrangment without asking for payment, so he's not obligated to pay you anything.
When he gets back, you could certainly ask for money if you think it's worth possibly upsetting your teacher OR you can not ask, and see what happens. If he doesn't offer to pay you anything, I think it would be best to chalk this one up as a learning experience. In the future you'll be more careful about doing favors like this without knowing what you were getting into, and saying upfront you'd like to be paid.
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The Question
hi, i am years old and i have been dating this guy for almost 2 yrs. i am his 1st girlfriend and he is my 1st boyfriend.well lately he has been acting preety wierd.
first, he gets these random texts any time of the night/morning from girls from his job. well on one particualr day, some girl text him "where you at?" and his reponse was "waiting for my friend" then i told him,how come you couldnt tell her you at my house. then his excuse was "jake called me 5 min ago, and he is coming over so i can bring him somewhere"he finally seen how frustrated i was, and told her he at his girls house. at that point, i didnt car.
then again, like 9 days after, i was playing on his cell phone. thats when i spotted a picture of a girl. i asked him who is this girl and i get no reponse. then i proceeded to delete her picture, and all hell break loose. he gets mad screaming at me. telling me that she is his step-dad's niece, and she is a cousin to him. yells at me some more, and tells me to never touch his F***ing phone anymore.
again that night, i come from work, we eat dinner and everything seems ok. he gets on the computer,and i watch over his shoulder. i cough (since i do have a cold) he tells me to stop coughing on him. after a few minutes, i cough again, he rants and raves and storms out.
what is up with him? i believe something is up with him and he may be cheating, attracted to another woman, etc.
the facts are:
he isnt so good looking
isnt so good in bed
and has low self esteem
(no, i dont tell him that b/c it would crush him, not trying to sound mean, just laying it out there so i can get good advice)
The Answer
Okay, scratch the 'What's wrong with him?' questions for a moment, because you can't really know without asking him.
The Facts Are:
He's temperamental and rages at you.
You don't trust him.
You don't think he's good looking, or good in bed.
You don't respect him.
So, since I can't ask him what's wrong, I'm going to ask you.
What is wrong with you?!
Why would you stay with someone you don't think is attractive or loyal? Who you don't trust or respect? Why are you with this guy?
Even if he isn't cheating, and it certainly sounds like you think he is, but even if he isn't, you aren't happy with him. You sound like you are ready to dump him. Don't wait for him to cheat before you make up your mind. You can leave this relationship whenever you choose, and now sounds like a good time to me.
You don't need a 'good reason' to dump someone, you only need your own reasons. You don't need to wait for a guy to cheat on you before you decide the relationship isn't working anymore. If it's not working, and you aren't happy, it doesn't matter if he's screwing around or not, you're still not happy.
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The Question
Um .. here is the thing, I just want people to tell me what they think and such, just help out really, I'll rate as much as you want, I don't care ...
Look my father is christine and mother is jewish, sister just doesn't give a f****
Look I'm just like you, I was born and raised in Australia (moved to egypt 5 years ago), so I know how you feel towards muslim people because I used to feel the same but i just want people to tell me what they know about islam or how they feel or do you think it's stupid and for losers or you just don't care or you think it's for strict idiots ... If you haven't guessed I'm a very very open minded person, seriously you have no idea, but I believe in islam more than anything and I can't even speak arabic well ...
You see I studied Jewish and Christianity, I read the bible a lot ...
I want whoever is interested to contact me but before you decide I'm going to list some facts:
-Do you think it's fair that muslims believe that christens and Jewish are real religion from god, but christens and jewish don't believe in muslims?
-Have you ever brought a bible from China and then Africa, then discovered some words aren't the same?
-Do you know in the Quern (Muslim's book) was written that it's more likely to sleep on the right side than the left, and then after years doctors discovered it's actually dangerous to sleep on your left because the heart is on the left?
-Do you know that whatever is written in the Quern that I read years ago is actually happening now?
-Do you know that all good comes from god and all evil comes from ourselves?
-Do you know that god allows evil to exist as a test of our free-will, and he can destroy the source of it at any time?
-Do you know that evil is an attitude of viciousness and malice, which both mean intending harm and injury to others, or even wishing upon them disasters and calamities, for unjust and iniquitous reasons? It also means vice, or sin, or what is forbidden, and these are what lead to harm to our souls, which can become evil, and this can also lead to the worst disaster, an eternity of torture in Hell (Please don't tell me you don't believe in god or hell or heaven because this planet didn't just magically appear, and no human beings until the 20 century came to discover how, seriously)
-Do you know that God created Satan also called ‘Iblis’, and ‘The Evil One’ a powerful jinn who, after serving God, became angry at the creation of the first human - Adam. This was because he did not want to accept that God had honoured humans above him, purely because Adam was created from clay and he from fire. He therefore considered himself superior to humans for an arbitrary reason, even though God in His infinite knowledge and wisdom did not consider him so, which indicates his level of pride despite being in front of God. He then openly declared his arrogant defiance and disobedience of God, and his enmity to human beings. He said that he would surely bring the descendents of Adam under his influence, making them follow him instead of serving and pleasing God? (Do you understand that this jinn exists and plays with our mind and heart every single day just because he was jealous of adam (first human being ever) does this make sense to you?)
-Do you know that our FATE is written for us but we can change it?
There is more and more, if you just try and study it, natural it all will make sense to you, and trust me you won't loose anything but you might gain a place in heaven... And if you ever see me you would never guess I'm actually religious .. Thank you for reading !
The Answer
One: Almost every Christian and Jew I have spoken too basically believes that it is 'All the same God' when it comes to Christianity, Judaism and Islam. But, just like Muslims, each person believes that their religion is the 'most right'. It's nice that the Qur'an says nice things about Christians and Jews (it also makes a lot of sense, especially since the Christians were getting pretty powerful at the time when the Qur'an was written down.)
When you say 'christens and jewish don't believe in muslims' you are committing the same crime most people commit when they think of Islam: You are listening to only the fringe and hateful members, rather then to the thousands, if not millions of moderates, who would not try to deny that Islam is a religion or take away anyone's right to believe what they wanted too, but would only say what any good Muslim would: That THIER personal religion, is the right one.
You actually say the EXACT same thing at the end of your question here: You suggest that people should read the Qur'an to gain a spot in heaven.
How is your belief that the Qur'an will help a person enter heaven different then a Christian's belief that reading the Bible will help them enter heaven? What makes one belief better then the other? Why not tell people to read the Bible, or the Torah?
Two: Did you know there were many different versions of the Arabic Qur'an in the beginning, some of which are still in existence today? Did you read in the Qur'an that Uthman is said to have burned all other versions to keep unity in the Muslim army? Did you know there is historical evidence that many of the people who actually knew Muhammad when he was alive disagreed with Uthman, and thought he choose the wrong version and refused to destroy their own? Did you know that the Qur'an had no codified punctuation in it until over 200 years after Muhammad died? There were no vowel markings to tell the reader how each vowel should sound, and because of the way Arabic is designed, changing vowel sounds can change the whole meaning of a word, so it could be interpreted in very different ways depending on what vowel sounds you selected. Different people added in the punctuation they thought was best, and created new transmissions or readings of the Qur'an.
In fact, the idea that you shouldn't translate the Qur'an into other languages didn't even arise until almost 400 years after Muhammad had died. So there were many, many different translations of the Qur'an made in the first few hundred years it existed. Obviously, those translations would result in some differences and interpretations.
That is rather similar to what happened with the Bible, and the Torah. People got together and decided what belonged, and what the best interpretation was. After a little while, Islam made a strict rule against this kind of thing, but it started off just the same way as the other holy books: Human beings wrote it down, argued about it, and changed it.
Three: Almost all doctors agree that the very safest and healthiest way to sleep is on your back, with a small pillow supporting your neck and keeping the spine straight. If you do sleep on your side, you are supposed to roll over regularly, to keep your circulation going, but that doesn't have to do with where your heart is, that's just gravity.
Four to Nine:
How can you prove that these are facts?
Facts require proof.
Without proof, these are not facts.
That two hydrogen and one oxygen molecule can come together to create H20 (water), is a fact.
Gravity is a Fact, even though we don't understand it completely yet, we can prove how it works.
Germs are a Fact, we prove that with every new medicine we make.
What you listed here are beliefs that cannot be proven, or tested. We can't take 'God' out of a person, and see if they can still be good. You can't prove that these stories are right and the others are all wrong. You can't show me where God signed his name on every good thing about me or where these demons added all the bad. You can't tell me why the world couldn't magically just exists, but that God must have magically just made it. You can't tell me what my fate is, so how could you prove that I can change it?
I have read the Qur'an, like you I have not read an Arabic version, but I have read a translation. I've also read the Bible. I understand them just fine, but I do not believe either to be the direct truth from God.
If God sees fit to punish me eternally, because after searching the depths of my mind, after study and prayer, my own conscience and reason and free-will demand that I not lie and say I believe something that I do not, then I simply have to accept that possibility.
However, I will give you some advice, although you didn't ask for it, this is an advice site, so here it goes:
Do more research and more study. More knowledge should never be treated as an enemy to faith. If you would like to be a Muslim, that's great, but don't let people mislead you. Don't believe everything you are told. From what you have written here, I know that some of what you are being told right now, is not true. I'm sure your teachers mean well, but they are simply repeating what they believe, and no amount of their belief can change the facts, or the truth about the goodness and love in other human beings. Don't put total faith in any human being, not even yourself. We can always be wrong, and we often are. Give yourself permission to read the criticism and do a real search and examination of all sides. Read the history. Demand proof of things, and don't go around assuming the worst of people who believe differently then you do.
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The Question
Okay so basicly my problem is sometimes I cant stop thinking and practicly torturing myself over things that have happend in the past,I
never used to be like this so I dont know why its come on all of a sudden.
For example id be lying in bed and I would think of something embarassing that happend and just beat myself up about it.
or id be thinking why did I do that,about a certain time.
this is driving me crazy,and it makes me super paronied about stuff that has more then likely been forgotten.
like last night i was thinking about this one time i was making out with this guy,and I convinced myself i did something wrong (because after that we stopped hooking up (it wasnt sex related btw) but I kept coming up with possible conclusions as to why that happend,telling myself it must have been this or that,then id feel embarassed about it.
I know what your probably thinking im mental!,I am do like seriously am I going crazy? whats wrong with me and how do I stop myself from doing this,it only really happens at night before i go to bed. has this ever happend to anyone else?
any help will be aprciated thank you.
The Answer
Like biting your nails, or picking your nose, you've got a bad habit.
You aren't crazy or going insane. You've just picked up a bad thought habit. Happens to the best of us. Like all bad habits, it can be really hard to break, but it's entirely possible.
My mother used to call those pre-bedtime bad thoughts the 'Attack of the What-ifs'. I think there is funny poem about it some place, and it's really quite common. It will probably happen to you a few times in your life, but you'll want to make sure you can control it and it isn't happening all the time.
A few things to do:
Find a thought-killer. For me it was Tetris. I can't think about things that stress me out and play Tetris at the same time. You might have a book, or a CD or something like that that just stops you from thinking for a little while too.
Exercise. A skip-rope was a God send for me because it's simple to own and use, and really tiring. Often these sorts of thoughts sneak up on us when we can't sleep. So, go and wear yourself out so you just fall into bed exhausted.
Turn the thoughts around. All brains like to think about the worse thing that could happen. We are just wired that way. Trying to think about the BEST thing that could happen is hard work. Sometimes this approach works, other times it doesn't really apply, 'cause you don't have enough information (like with your hook up scenario) to know what the best or worst situation could possibly be. But often dreaming up the best possible scenario, or dreaming up the scenario 'that has nothing to do with me' will keep your mind busy AND will end up seeming a lot more reasonable the paranoid thoughts.
Don't worry too much about it though. It's just a habit you need to do some work to break.
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The Question
So everyone has heard of the whole, "u never forget your first" thing when talking about losing their virginity, and how one can get emotionally attached or make the feelings grow even more. Can anyone who really knows exactly what I'm talking about tell me if that's only true with girls, or if guys can feel the same thing? Me and my boyfriend for six months just had sex for the first time and i find myself thinking about him a lot more and my feelings for him have grown so much. I know i can just ask him, but is it just as possible for him to feel the same way, or is that just a female hormonal thing?
The Answer
It's a human thing.
Some girls wont experience it. Some girls will.
Some guys wont, and some will.
I know a guy who is still really emotionally invested in his first.
Me, I couldn't care less. I have other partners who remain very much on my mind, but not my first.
It all depends on the person.
The only thing you can say for sure, without asking the guy directly, is that in our society it's more acceptable for women to express their emotions about sex in that way, and tell each other stories that romanticize the 'first time'. Our culture doesn't give men the same stories and emphasis on the first time, but that doesn't change how they feel about it, it just changes the words they have available to talk about it.
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The Question
heey guys.
so i had sex and something happend , so i took the plan b pill. about 5 days later i bleed for about 3 days , but i found out it is a normal side effect. But what i was wondering is does anyone know if that counts as my period? so should i get one next month? because when i started to bleed i already got my period beforethat. can my period be delayed next month?
The Answer
Your period might be delayed, or very, very light.
Either would be totally normal.
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The Question
13/f i have this major problem and i don't kno what to do..............i have to do this stupid dear before i turn 14(with i will be next month)i hav to have sex with a with a 18 yr old guy and im scared to.he is so cute were not in a relationship he likes me and i like him,im prety shore he would like to have sex with me.i see him a lot we hang out a lot were like friends in a way.I DONT KNOW IF I SHOULD please tell me what to do.thank you
The Answer
Don't.
In most places it would be illegal. That's reason number 1. An eighteen year old who sleeps with a thirteen year old is likely looking at some jail time.
A stupid dare is not worth this boy being sent to jail, or you screwing yourself over and doing something you know you'd rather not.
Obviously don't do it. Whoever 'dared' you too is an immature scum bag. Ignore them.
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The Question
So here goes...
I asked a guy out and he said no because he had a girlfriend, and he said he would hit me up when he was single, so he did thatt and we hung outt....long story short...we hung outt for a lil bit and he suggested sex, and I said no for an hour and a half, and then we had sexx. now I don't know what to doo...should I leave it alone until he talkes to me...and do guys lose respect for a girl after he sleeps with him....or whatt? Whats your take on itttt!?!?
The Answer
Do guys have much respect for a girl who they tell her "Sorry, I have a girlfriend now, but I'll totally bone you when I'm single..." in the first place?
Your problem is not the sex. Many guys still have an abundance of respect and admiration for a woman they have slept with.
This guy doesn't appear to have respected you much in the first place, he also doesn't seem to have respected his girlfriend much line you up before he was even single... and then he didn't take no for an answer when it came to sex the very first time you hung out...
He doesn't respect you. Doesn't matter if you slept with him or not. He never respected you in the first place.
If I were you, and you never hear from him again, I'd call it a win.
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