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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
hi all
The Answer
He's just not that into you.
He might 'really like you', but he doesn't 'really like you' enough to change his mind, take the risk or try something differrent and scarry. He likes you enough to kiss you, but not enough to be with you. That's just where he is at right now.
The only thing you can really do is just be his friend. Whatever he is worried about might change, or it might not, but you can't control that at all. You could talk to him about what he is specifically worried about, and see if you can address some of his concerns, but that might not help. The only thing you really can do is be yourself, try to relax, and be his friend.
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The Question
14/f
My exboyfriend/friend told me he loved me and got me single and commited only to him for two months. Then we fooled around (no sex) and he's not been the same. Tonight He just went off on me for asking him if he lied to me.
"Yea I lied to you. I felt bad for you and your lonely ass. I felt bad for you this whole year. you'be always been beneath me (he's a foot taller and literally means it. He feels bad cuz he's even told me he feels like he's got more authority just by being bigger) and youre mad because I never flet the same way about you. I'm not even trippin right now so you can say whatever you want and get lost."
He told everyone he knew that he scored...
I'm really trusting and wanted to believe everything he'd tell me because I really thought he cared. But apparently not.
He begged me to stay with him. He cried after randomly blowing up multiple times at me and apologizing. He did everything to make me believe he cared.
I'm naive and believed him.
Can guys really lie like this, this easily??? Should I not trust guys anymore??? because honestly, I'm scared....I know just saying straight out that I'm scared may seem a bit irrational but...really. I don't want to go through this ever again.
any advice will be greatly appreciated. really any, you have no idea.
The Answer
Some people can lie this easily. Guys and Girls. Teens and Adults and even the elderly ;)
And yes, you should keep trusting guys, and other people too. Because not trusting a whole group of people, like guys, or Asians, or people who like cats, or even the elderly, is wrong. More importantly: Not trusting people automatically makes you miserable, lonely, and cuts you off from other human beings.
You should be careful, and keep your eyes open (and you will!) You should learn from this, and keep your eyes open for similar manipulates: People who cry and name call and blow up. People who drag you back to them with threats and tears and then push you away again. These people *might* care about you, but it's far more likely that they are just WAY too into themselves and all about what they feel and want.
I can't promise you this will never happen again. I can promise you this though:
It's worth it.
I've been burned and betrayed by people, and it was worth it. I did my best to avoid it, but in the end, I'd rather let someone in and be hurt, then never let anyone in at all.
And maybe this will be some small comfort to you: This guy, isn't just a liar. He's royally fucked up, and it's not about you.
Really, it isn't. A guy who throws tantrums, and then nasty letters like this, isn't dealing with you. He's dealing with his own lunacy, his own fears and his own selfish, obsessive worries. He's a basket case. He would have probably done just as bad to anyone, you just had the bad luck to fall into his line of fire. It wasn't your fault, and it has nothing to do with the person you are.
It's okay to be scarred. Relationships are scarry things. It's okay to be scarred now, and it's okay to turn to the next guy in your life and say “I'm scarred.” In many ways it's a good thing, because people who are scarred take things seriously and slow. So go ahead and be upset and frightened, but also decide in your mind that you WILL take the risk on a new guy some day.
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The Question
16/f
so i'm dating this guy who i pretty much know just wants sex. i brought it up to him and he was all like "no i promise, i'm not i'll prove it to you" and stuff like that. so then i was okay, you know maybe he does want what i want which is a relationship because ive had a strong, good relationship before and thats what i want again. well the next day he comes to my house to hang out and we started fooling around, i went along with it i mean i have hormones to but then he asked me to have sex with him..right after he told me thats not what he wants. i really like him but i'm not about to just have sex with a guy i've known for a couple months and have been dating like a week and he hasnt even tried to get to know me. but hes my manager at my work (he's 18). its just an awkward situation. i know i should break it off (this is the second time we've dated and i broke up with him the first time too) but i don't know how or what to do. some advice pleaseee? :) thank you
The Answer
You just aren't feeling it with this guy.
You aren't that into him. You don't trust him. I'd bet you don't even want to get to know him any better then you already do.
So, yep, you need to break up with him.
You don't need to say 'You only want sex!', because that might not be true, and you aren't a mind reader so it's definately rude to say. However you can certainly say "Dude, I just don't think we're compatiable, and I'm not as interested in you as I should be to be in a relationship."
You don't need to have a 'good' reason, to not want to be with someone, so it doesn't matter if he just wants sex or not. Even if he might want more then sex, you still aren't all that interested. So end it.
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The Question
[I apologize if in wrong category]
I have been dating this guy for nearly a month. We really love each other, and feel we're right for each other. I know it's too soon to tell (some may say), but it's like we suddenly connected our first date.
Now he wants to get an apartment, and asked me to live with him. I thought I could get some money in, and help out. He wants to get it around the fall, giving me time to save up some money [from my job].
I know it's a quick move, but this is why I really wanna move out: My parents abuse me, they yell at me, blame me for everything, and put me down. I am tired of babysitting my alcoholic mom until 5 am while my dad is working the graveyard shift at a lame job (because he got laid off from his real job). I was diagnosed with depression when I was 16, when I felt I had it since I was 12. Being here, at home, is dreadful. I am always feeling sad, depressed, and sometimes suicidal. Because I try to make my parents proud, but I feel as if I am not good enough.
I can't stay up late [for my mom] when I have work, I can't do it when I have school, because I attend college as well. He [boyfriend] even will help me with my loans, and we agreed to help each other out. Finances are no big deal because we have decent jobs to get a small apartment.
I really want to move in with my boyfriend, because he makes me happy, and I feel no need to take my antidepressants (When I know I have to regardless so I still do). I am loving life now, and cherishing all the small things. But the second I get in the door at home, hell arises.
You think I should move in with him? Or stay at home? I hope you'd agree with my choice, but I'd like everyone's opinion.
Thanks
The Answer
EDIT:
There are two comments I'd like to make in regards to your feedback:
First, if you didn't want to hear someone say it was a bad idea, please, in the future mention that. I wouldn't bothered to answer if I knew you weren't actually interested in advice that disagreed with your choice. I don't go out of my way to offend. In the vast majority of cases, I give what I feel is requested.
Secondly, and far more importantly: You didn't mention getting beaten in your question. If you are suffering physical abuse. Call the cops, and connect with a woman's shelter. PLEASE. They are SOOOOOOO much better equiped to help you, and give you guidance then anyone here (or your boyfriend) is. Even if you do move in with him, PLEASE find a resource, a group for abused children or women, some support as a child of an alcoholic like Al-Anon.
You are suffering. Of course you want that suffering to stop. You should.
Just because I don't think you should do that by moving in with someone you've only just begun to see, doesn't mean I want you keep on suffering!
There are so many roads available to you. They are difficult, but they are there. Please don't think just because this is the first guy who offered you a way out, that it's the best offer out there for you. It's probably not.
/EDIT
Nearly a month is too early to decide move in with a partner.
After less then a month, your brain is still on fire with fantastic 'new love' feelings. Those fade. The first month of knowing someone isn't a good time to even plan to go on a vacation togeather in month three. It's not just sensible to wait, it's the best thing for the health of the relationship.
It will still be too early in the fall. It would be too early if you were 40 years old. It would be too early even if you had been good friends for 10 years already.
I'm sorry. There really isn't much else to say. Living with him might work out. You might be amazingly happy together and live together the rest of your lives. But that would be pure dumb luck! After less then a month it's just not likely that such a plan wouldn't end in disaster and it's already huge risk moving in with a boyfriend, even if you've dated for ages.
By ALL means look for another roommate. A friend or somewhere else to stay.
If you need to get out of where you are, do it in a safe, and serious way. Shacking up with your boyfriend of less then a month is neither safe nor seriously thought out. It's a tremendous risk that will justifiably scare everyone around you AND it puts a whole bunch of pressure on your young relationship.
For your own sake, for his, and for the future of this relationship PLEASE find another way to leave home.
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The Question
Right well, im 15 and im a girl, but see, im really small. Like short, little, skinny, i dont know, just small. I get "awwh!"s its SO annoying but whatever, thats not my question. I wasnt really sure where to put this, but i guess since my crush does this too, i put it here. So i guess since im little, the guys i know think its okay to just man-handle me or something, i dont know. Its wierd. When they want to get me to move, like out of a doorway for instance, instead of just saying "excuse me" like they would for any other girl, they literally pick me up and place me out of the way. Its soooooo aggrivating. I give the whole firm "no" thing and im serious about it, and I ask them to stop but it doesnt. And its not just a few guys, its all of them. They just pick me up and do whatever they want with me. Hello?? Im not a toy, just say excuse me. And its not like my reaction eggs them on. As i said, i firmly (but calmly) say no, and ive asked ALL of them to stop countless times (even though i dont mind TOO much when my crush does it... hehe) but it doesnt. One time, a guy (hes not really my friend) picked me up and put me on the top of a fridge... like really?? what the heck? Most of the time, its just the harmless picking me up and moving me but even that drives me crazy. Why does it bother me so much? How can i get it to stop? Am i doing something that provokes it? Am i just going to have to live with this?
And please, dont tell me to like kick them in the balls or be really mean or something like that. I love these guys, theyre my friends (and my crush, i dont want to be a jerk to him) and i love them to death, but this has got to stop.
Oh and sorry this is so long, i like to rant... haha.
The Answer
I'm NOT a small girl really, but because of how many large, athletic guys I grew up around. I also had this problem. And you aren't over-reacting. In fact, when someone physically assaults you (and yes, this definitely is assault) you are under-reacting. For the sake of their own safety and sanity when they move out in the rest of the world, these guys need to learn just how 'not okay' this is.
Stop being calm.
Stop being nice.
That's for EVERYBODY (including your crush, your brothers, your female friends and your father).
The next time it happens, try saying this:
"STOP! Put me down now. You're assaulting me."
If that doesn't work. move on to:
"You are assaulting me and I'm going to hit you if you don't put me down now."
Normally, I would not encourage any young lady to use physical violence. But when your feet have left the ground, you aren't just being disrespected, you are being assaulted and violated! If one these guys did this to some girl he just met in a bar and thought he'd hit it off with, he's liable to get beaten up by the men around him AND the bouncers. It's not okay behavoir. If guys are confused about how not okay that is: Slap them. That should clarify the matter, and much more gentle then what will happen to them if they keep behaving that way in their twenties.
Now, out of respect to these guys, if they in fact your friends. You should give them fair warning that this is what's going to happen from now on. My suggestion would be to have a chat with them or send them an e-mail with this message in it:
"Something has been really bothering me for a while now. A lot of people seem to think it's okay to pick me up and physically move me. This needs to stop. I'm not okay with it. It's not funny or cute. It's very disrespectful to me and I'm not comfortable with it. So today I'm asking you guys from now on to not physically pick me up and move me. If you do, from now on I'm not going to ask you to stop, or say 'No.' I've been really clear about this not being okay, so from now on I'm going to scream bloody murder, or hit you, if that's what it takes to make you put me down.
You know that I care about you guys, and I don't mind playing around with you. If you want to pick me up, please ask. But I need you to completely stop doing it without my permission.”
The good news is guys tend to get over this by their twenties! But the reason they get over it, it because some strong, intelligent young teenage woman turned to them and said 'No way in hell! That behavior will get into big trouble.' So please, don't be afraid to be brutally clear and draw a really firm line on this. Children get picked up. Adult women do NOT get picked up against their will. In the big wide world we live in, picking up an adult woman against her will is going to get them slapped, kicked in the balls, beat up by other guys, or having an uncomfortable talk with the police. Better they learn this from you, then from a night in jail for physically assaulting some girl.
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The Question
Okay so I'm a 16 year old girl, and my boyfriend (17) and I have been going out for like a year now. I'm crazy about him, but theres one problem. He really wants to have sex and I don't. He knows that I want to wait for marriage but he can't understand why... I've tried to explain that its what I believe, and that its what I want, and also that I think I'm too young and not ready, but he just doesn't get it. Its not like hes pressuring me or anything, but I really want to know how I can make him understand how I feel. Thanks!
The Answer
Stop trying to explain.
If I think that chocolate chip mint is the best ice cream flavour, and you think it's strawberry, no amount of talking is going to make you prefectly understand my perference. You might awknowledge it. You might respect it. But you'll never totally understand why I don't see it your way.
The exact same thing is happening here.
Instead of trying to make him understand (and by understanding, we are always implying that we want the other person to feel the same as us too!) just say this:
"I've explained myself as best as I can. I think you are just going to have to respect that this is my choice, even if you don't quite understand it."
When someone makes a personal decision, for reasons that are purely thier own, it will never be possible to make someone else understand, or feel the same way they feel.
It's not important he 'understand' or 'feel the same'. It's important he respects it and realizes you've made a decision that will not be changing.
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The Question
Im 21 and female. I broke up with a guy about 2 years ago and ive had feelings for him ever since. I basically broke up with him because of another guy and regreted it after. Weve kept in touch and im pretty sure im in love with him and have been even since we broke up. I recently found out he is going to propose to his girlfriend. This really upset me and i dont want him to marry her. I guess my question is, is it wrong for me to tell him how i feel about him since hes planning on marrying this other girl? Should i tell him or should i just leave it alone and try to move on?
thanks!
The Answer
In my opinion, it would be wrong to tell him.
Telling him now puts him in a difficult and unfair position. It places a burden on him I don't think it's right for you to do so. After two years, neither of your are the same people you were when you were togeather. I believe you should leave him in peace.
However, if you really feel you need to tell him, tell him, BUT, also make it perfectly clear that it is OK if he doesn't respond to your feelings at all. That means it's okay if he NEVER talks to you about them agian. If you tell him your feelings it should ONLY be a confession. Don't expect anything at all back from him. If he chooses to respond somehow, that's good, but make your peace beforehand that he might never address the issue with you. Make it clear to him that you are telling him because you feel that you need too, not because you expect him to do anything about your feelings.
DON'T expect him to do anything about your feelings.
Even before you tell him, try to move on. Try to move on even after you tell him. Telling him must not be about getting anything from him. That ship has sailed. The only reason to tell him, is if you feel it's something you must. As I said before though, I don't believe telling him is the ethical thing to do.
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The Question
Hi there,
I am a young woman who is best friends with a young man. We have been really close for about 6 years now, and i have had a crush on him for the majority of that time.
Recently, he admitted to me that he has feelings for me. Normally, I would be thrilled, however, he has a girlfriend, and it doesn't look like they will be breaking up any time soon.
Him and I have done more physical things that leads me to believe he really cares about me, but still he doesn't leave her even though he tells me he wants to. She treats him terribly and controls him. She hates me because I am so close with him. We even finish each others sentences. But i cant stop thinking about him. It hurts when I am with him, but even more when I am not.
So my question is this:
Do I have a chance with him? and if I do, then what should I do to be with him?
Thank you for any help you can give me.
-Bubbles
The Answer
Do you really want to have a chance with someone who would admit feelings for someone else, and do 'physical things' with that someone else? Who doesn't leave his girlfriend despite saying that he will? Who doesn't defend his friendship with you to her?
OF COURSE she dislikes you. He talks about romantic feelings with you and does 'physical things'. You might not choose to call that cheating, but you'd be kidding yourself: It's dishonest and unfaithful behavior. He's acting in bad faith. He shouldn't be doing that. It's not respectful to either of you.
If you have a chance with this guy, it's currently not a very good one. It's like having a chance with cancer. Sure, ya might beat it and it could turn into a great, life-affirming experience for you with some sort of novel-deal and a spot on Oprah, or it could kill you.
At the moment, this guy is a cancer on your life. Currently, the outlook is grim.
If you truly can't get him off your mind
AND he talks to you about leaving his girlfriend, but doesn't.
AND you both behave physically inappropriate (if the 'physical things' lead you to believe he has feelings for you then you ARE behaving physically inappropriately).
then the only rational, respectful, honest and decent thing you can do is take a HUGE step back from this friendship. Even end it completely, at least for a while.
You are way too emotionally invested to be 'just friends' right now. You AREN'T being just friends, you are being friends who are just not quite crossing the line to completely wrong behavoir. You are tiptoeing along the ethical line. To let this continue would be to root whatever your future relationship might be in the betrayal of someone else.
It doesn't matter how horrible she is. No one deserves to be betrayed and no one should enable that behavior in people their consider friends.
Cut down your contact with this guy. Even cut it off completely. Be honest with him why: Tell him your feelings run too deep and you need to get over them, without him around. Until he is single, there is no reason to have any further conversation about 'feelings'. This isn't about his choice: he's made his choice. He keeps making it everyday he stays with her. She IS his choice.
Your choice has to be about making you okay. The current 'friendship' is not making you okay. Take a nice long break from it.
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The Question
In a long distance relationship, basically we talk everyday & last night it was silent & I had to leave, when I left he sounded kinda mad. All day today I had the feeling he didn't want to talk to me, but I knew if I didn't call him, he'd be more mad.
So I called, wanting to fix the situation/ask whats up, and his brother answered. I talked to his brother for 2 1/2 hours, then it was time for my track practice again. My bf was there next to him the entire time, on xbox, and talked to me for basically 30 seconds said hey how are you, then left. Haha, so I left. I was furious, I've cooled down now.
But I dunno, should I just have no contact w/ him for the next couple days? He's told me before his biggest fear is me just 'disappearing' since we are long distance, so I dunno if that'd make him mad. I don't think I want to break up with him..and I do already miss him, but I feel like I need time to think. It's like my intuition was right, he didn't want to talk to me today for some reason. Ugh, please any advice would help.
The Answer
If you want to continue in this relationship, call him and talk out the negativity of the last few days.
If he felt neglected, and then neglected you for Xbox the next day, that's an important thing to acknowledge and talk about. If you just start playing those games with one another, you'll both just get angry and resentful. It will become a game of one-upmanship where you are both trying to prove that you can neglect the other more than they can neglect you.
That would suck. And if you stop calling him and change your normal contact behaviour, that's the game you'll be starting. Don't do it. Call him like you normally would and say 'Dude, yesterday you did something totally different from normal. Why did that happen? How are you feeling about it?’
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The Question
okay, me n my boyfriend were at the movies and i gave him a hand job and he came. then after he came, he went to the bathroom and washed off his hands and dried them, then he came back, it must've been about 4/5 minutes. then when he came back, he fingered me. is there a possibility that i could be pregnant?
The Answer
Once sperm is dry, it's dead.
Washing with water is also pretty effective at killing sperm. After a good scrub, there is gennerally nothing to worry about it.
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The Question
here is this guy who has had a crush on me for two years minimum. He got up the nerve to ask me to dance (at my Bat Mitzvah) and, as I was having a mental breakdown at the time, I said no. Even if I weren't having the mental breakdown, I would have said no, but without the snarl at the end. As I am thirteen, I think that relationships are stupid at this age. Most ages, really, since guys seem to be lacking in the intellectual department. Anyway, this guy is friends with my friends, and they have been nagging me ever since. That is a LONG TIME!!!! So how do I get them to shut up?
The Answer
Tell them you don't want to hear about it anymore. Firmly, and with a snarl at the end.
I'm going to assume, that if this has been going on for a while, that you've already told them that you simply are not interested in him.
What would be absolutely the BEST is if you also had told him at some point: "Look dude, I'm not interested in you. I'm sorry if I was rude at my Bat Mitzvah, but I'm still just not into you."
That sentence above would be the best, and kindest thing to say to him (even though he is a teenage boy lacking in the intellect department, consider your show of respect and honesty a learning opportunity for him if you'd like. You have a chance to show him what honest and respectful rejection looks like).
But for your friends, just state once that you are STILL not interested in him, and then simply tell them to shut up. It's not funny, and it's not interesting. You don't have to be polite to meddlers and drama-seekers. Be firm. Snarl if need be.
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The Question
I had sex with my boyfriend last night and i had an orgasm from just the intercourse alone. That has never happened to me before. Is there any specific reason why this happened? I was in complete shock.
Thanks.
The Answer
The clitoris is the organ that needs to be stimulated in order for a woman to reach an orgasm, but it's not just a little nub at the top of the labia, it's actually a shaft, much like a version of the penis that is several inches long and buried inside your body, vaguely along the 'roof' of the vagina. Some women find penetration can stimulate the internal parts of the clitoris, and they can reach orgasm that way.
Really, the only thing to do now is try and duplicate it, and to enjoy.
Pat on the back for you and your boyfriend ;)
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The Question
17/f
my little brother,who is 11, keeps going through my phone! and like reading my texts and stuff, and he tells my mom any little thing it says, i don't know why he's doing this, because he's not mad at me or anything.. how do i make him stop???
The Answer
He's eleven. There is only one way to make it stop: Make it boring.
The only thing an eleven year old boy is going to stop doing, is something that isn't fun.
Many phones can be locked with a code. Find out if your phone has one, and lock it EVERYTIME. After a few weeks, he'll stop bothering to check.
Delete all your texts.
I know, you are going to whine at that one, but it's still the perfect solution to your problem.
You could try to keep your phone on you at all times, or hide it, but really that is just making the game even more fun for him. Whatever you do, the end result must be 0 Fun for your little brother. Nothing less then that will solve this problem.
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The Question
I am a 22 year old woman dating a 39 year old man. We've been together for almost 2 years now. I love him very much and he loves me.
Can our relationship last despite our age difference?
The Answer
Depends on what you want.
Witty has a very good point: If you want children, the age difference is a big problem.
If you want to be a stay-at-home wife or mother, you have a problem. He'll be ready too, and might need to retire.
If the two of you have compatiable goals and plans, maybe you've got a chance. After two years togeather however, don't you know you should the answer to this question yourself?
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The Question
I already asked this question publicly..but I was wondering if you could just help me out with understanding this?
Okay last year I was in 10th grade. This guy started talking to me randomly, he recently turned 18, and I just turned 15 (this was october 2008). Soo, one day..I was sitting out from gym because I just hate sportss, and he sat out too because he was unprepared. He started talking to me about school, gym, and how old we each are. After that, he talked to me often, and he also stared at me a lot. I even heard him tell his friend, who is a girl, that he thought I was pretty. So, I kind of thought he liked me. And, I liked him too of course. But, after several months of flirting off/on, he just stopped talking to me. Basically, school ended in June, and I haven't talked to him in like..maybe, 6 months? But, all the sudden, starting 2 days ago, I keep having dreams about him! They're weird too..the first one was in school, and he was sitting their with this girl I know (the girl who he told that he thinks im pretty) and he looked sad or something. The dream wasn't even long. That's what it consisted of. Then last night, the dream was that I was with my friends, and all the sudden he appeared and was with some girl (who ive never seen in my life) and they were holding hands and stuff. In both dreams I didn't talk to him or anything. It's weird! Why am I suddenly having dreams about him? I haven't talked to him in soo long, and I THOUGHT I was over him since he started to ignore me. Please help? Any advice? Thankyou.
The Answer
I generally don't answer dream questions, and this is why:
I don't believe dreams 'mean' anything at all.
Sigmund Freud's theory of dreams said dreams were a reflection of the unconscious mind, it's concerns and preoccupations. This confirmed what hundred of religions and spiritualists thought: That dreams MEANT something.
As brilliant as Freud was, and as much credit as he deserves for beginning psychiatry, he was actually dead wrong about a hell of a lot. It didn't take long for people to start debunking the idea dreams had a deep meaning left and right as we learned more about the human brain, for the more boring, and more scientific idea, that they are simply our brains doing their best to make coherent sense of a noisy, busy brain stem while you sleep. I know that doesn't answer WHY we dream, but science does give us that good idea about HOW we dream. It's not completely random but it's not mystical or ripe with purpose either.
Also, we have about 40 dreams a night! We don't even remember most of them. For some reason, we like to apply meaning to the ones we happen too remember, which are almost always the ones that take place closest to waking up.
A Harvard University professor named Robert Stickgold at Harvard Medical School's Center for Sleep and Cognition (I'll link you to the Times article below) said this about dreams and dream analysis, and I think it sums it up really, really well:
� �I have no doubt that dreams can be enjoyable, informative, even revelatory to the dreamer, but dream analysis is a more tricky question. The more dogmatic and doctrinaire the beliefs of the analyst, the less useful and potentially more destructive the analysis process becomes." People should understand, he adds, that dreams aren't constructed with the goal of delivering a message; they don't have an inherent meaning. �
So why do I think you dreamed about this guy? If I had to make a guess (and this is a guess, not an analysis) I would guess that you are getting ready to go back to school in a few weeks, and that your brain is playing around with those images, people and familiar occurrences and then shoved em all together to create these these interesting little stories while you slept.
Whether or not you are over him, is up to you, not your dreams.
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1606872,00.html
Oh! And here is another great artical from the New York Times:
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/sleep-dreams-insomnia/16365-what-do-dreams-mean-whatever-your-bias-says.html
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The Question
if you've seen the TV shows project runway, the fashion show, or what not to wear, you'll probably know what i'm talking about
there's those mannequins/models people use to make dresses on, i was wondering if anybody knew where to buy one?? I'm trying to make a dress to fit myself and I've searched a few websites like target and walmart and neither of them have them...
any help please?
THANK YOU!
16/f
The Answer
They are called either Dressforms, or Judys. ('Judy' seems to be a Canadian term, 'cause Americans never seem to know what I'm talking about!) Geting an actual, fashion designers dressform like they use on Project Runway is VERY expensive. They are worth thousands of dollars and last for decades.
However, you can get dressforms for home use too! You can usually buy cheeper, adjustable ones at good sewing supply stores, but even still, be prepared to pay over $100.
Check out the website below for a selection of dressforms:
http://www.allbrands.com/products/abc0130.html
If money is no object for you, I think the BEST dressform is the Uniquely You Dressform. The site above sells them, or you can google that.
You could also look at vintage stores and antique stores. Dressforms tend to be hovering around for a bit less then buying one new.
The last opition is to make one yourself (with the help of a friend). There are lots of instructions online on how to do this, but my favorite methods are linked below:
This one uses ducttape:
http://www.threadsmagazine.com/item/3631/duct-tape-dress-form-2
This one uses paper tape, which is way eaiser to pin too and fabric works better over it in my experience, but it's also more difficult to make and maintain:
http://www.threadsmagazine.com/item/3633/paper-tape-dress-form
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The Question
firstly, I am 15/f.
I get alot of headaches. This is probably because I have to wear glasses, and when I forget to put them on or take them off for a sec my head starts to hurt. It could also be because I hit my head a couple weeks ago and it has been hurting sinse then (but thats kinda unlikely).
But it could also be because I have been feeling sad lately and its been making me feel physically down as well (this could be it, I'm not sure)
But either way I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions or techniques to make head aches go away. I am away from school today because my head is killing me and I don't like missing school so any suggestions would really help.
PS. I know some of u will say to talk about what is making me sad so that my pains will go away, but I am doing that already x]
and all I really need to know is remedies or techniques to make head pains and eye pains go away.
Thank you in advance and any suggestions are appreciated :)
The Answer
I have at least one suggestion for you:
It might not be a bad idea to have your glasses perscription checked out. Your eyes may have changed and that would make your current lenses a huge strain on your eyes. Glasses come and on and off a lot can make you a bit sick, but if it's constant and immediate for you, you should get your eyes checked, and the fit of your glasses should be checked too.
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The Question
ok, im 15 an female and in a stage where im trying to find myself in life. I know most teens say they arent sure if their bi sexual, im way past that stage. I love females. Everything about them. But im confused about being a straight up lesbian. Im still attracted to the male gender. But anything intimate with them i am not down with. Ive been with males sexually and hate it. Just the thought of it disgusts me. Bu with a female i love it. What does it mean if im still attracted to males but cant get intimate? To be honest, i dont want to be a full lesbian. I dont know why but it scares me. Everyone supports my being bisexual, and would continue to support me no matter what, but im still scared to think of myself as lesbian. Someone please help me out. Im so confused.
The Answer
You are 15 hun. I didn't even know my bra size correctly at 15, and I didn't know my sexual orientation either! I was well into my 20s before I learned either of those things with any certainty at all.
If you are scarred or uncomfortable with the label lesbian, then don't use it. Nobody says you have too. There isn't some perfect, scientific, set criteria for being a bi-sexual. Many people consider themselves bi-sexual even though they only really date one gender. Many people consider themselves bisexual because they enjoy both genders sexually but they only want a romantic relationship with one of them. That's perfectly fine.
At 15 you've had maybe 2 or 3 years to really starting thinking about this. That's not a lot of time and it's okay not to have a perfect answer yet. Like I said, I didn't have a perfect answer then either. Even now, I know that the way I label my sexuality might change in the future. I might change. And that's okay.
It's an important thing to think about, but not an important thing to be stressed or unhappy about. Just do what you feel is right for you, and get into relationship and partnerships that you enjoy. Let your comfort with labels come second, and in it's own good time.
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The Question
hey neighbor! so yah my parentals are really trying to make me do football but they arent actually MAKING me. they just keep talkin bout it and saying like if i dont wanna do it, i have to call the coach! ugh! i dont know how to convince them that i dont like football :(. i just wanna do music and stuff so i dont know please if you have any ideas, tell me!
♥
Kyle
The Answer
Call the coach and tell him you don't want too.
It sounds like your parents don't mind you not doing football too much, they just want you to be responsible and respectful and let the coach know what your decision is.
Call the coach and telling him no will give your paernts a pretty clear message about how much you dislike football ;)
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The Question
OK, so im a 20 f.
I have been absolutely fine, and then all of a sudden, yesterday, i started feeling nauseated.
it wasnt in the morning, so i dont think im pregnant, and have no other pregnancy symptoms.
i also have this feeling in my throat (right behind my tongue) that something is there and I feel like I could gag any moment and vomit. (srry for the cringing details)
my mom suggested this could be acid reflux? i dont think so because it hasnt stopped in 24 hours. also, sometimes my heart rate goes up unexpectedly with no reason. (sitting down)
does this sound like anything to you all?
can anyone tell me what this sounds like?
I plan on going to the doctor, but until I go, I would like some incite.
thanks.
The Answer
I don't know when you are planning to see a doctor, but if I were you these are things I wouldn't just leave to wait and see.
No one here, so far as I know, is a medical professional, and when you start to talk about troubles with your heart rate and any restriction on your airway then its time to see a medical professional.
I don't mean to frighten you, since it's obvious not bad enough to be scaring you too much right now, but when you are having abnormalities with your throat and heart rate you are past the 'could be' and 'wait and see' points. Those are two really serious parts of your body. It would be irresponsible for me to throw out random theories about what it 'sounds like', but you shouldn't take too many chances with your airway or heart. It might just be acid reflux, or even a flu but the obstructions to the throat and an odd heart rate are worthy of immediate attention. Please see a doctor.
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