|
Do I have a chance with him?
Hi there,
I am a young woman who is best friends with a young man. We have been really close for about 6 years now, and i have had a crush on him for the majority of that time.
Recently, he admitted to me that he has feelings for me. Normally, I would be thrilled, however, he has a girlfriend, and it doesn't look like they will be breaking up any time soon.
Him and I have done more physical things that leads me to believe he really cares about me, but still he doesn't leave her even though he tells me he wants to. She treats him terribly and controls him. She hates me because I am so close with him. We even finish each others sentences. But i cant stop thinking about him. It hurts when I am with him, but even more when I am not.
So my question is this:
Do I have a chance with him? and if I do, then what should I do to be with him?
Thank you for any help you can give me.
-Bubbles
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Just because he hasn't left his girlfriend yet doesn't mean he will never do it. Now, on the other hand, maybe he is in love with his girlfriend and doesn't want to leave her? You need to talk with him and ask him why he hasn't left her and when he plans on doing it.
I know from your point of view (and many other women's) it doesn't make sense why he'd want a girl like that who treats him bad and controls him. Well, some men do. Or, maybe in his case, he just doesn't want to hurt her and he doesn't know how to end it.
I think you do have a chance. So, talk to him! Ask him questions. tell him whats on your mind.
Don't try and force him to be with you. Just keep doing what you're doing..he obviously likes you the way you are.
Hope I helped
Good luck ! :)
]
Do you really want to have a chance with someone who would admit feelings for someone else, and do 'physical things' with that someone else? Who doesn't leave his girlfriend despite saying that he will? Who doesn't defend his friendship with you to her?
OF COURSE she dislikes you. He talks about romantic feelings with you and does 'physical things'. You might not choose to call that cheating, but you'd be kidding yourself: It's dishonest and unfaithful behavior. He's acting in bad faith. He shouldn't be doing that. It's not respectful to either of you.
If you have a chance with this guy, it's currently not a very good one. It's like having a chance with cancer. Sure, ya might beat it and it could turn into a great, life-affirming experience for you with some sort of novel-deal and a spot on Oprah, or it could kill you.
At the moment, this guy is a cancer on your life. Currently, the outlook is grim.
If you truly can't get him off your mind
AND he talks to you about leaving his girlfriend, but doesn't.
AND you both behave physically inappropriate (if the 'physical things' lead you to believe he has feelings for you then you ARE behaving physically inappropriately).
then the only rational, respectful, honest and decent thing you can do is take a HUGE step back from this friendship. Even end it completely, at least for a while.
You are way too emotionally invested to be 'just friends' right now. You AREN'T being just friends, you are being friends who are just not quite crossing the line to completely wrong behavoir. You are tiptoeing along the ethical line. To let this continue would be to root whatever your future relationship might be in the betrayal of someone else.
It doesn't matter how horrible she is. No one deserves to be betrayed and no one should enable that behavior in people their consider friends.
Cut down your contact with this guy. Even cut it off completely. Be honest with him why: Tell him your feelings run too deep and you need to get over them, without him around. Until he is single, there is no reason to have any further conversation about 'feelings'. This isn't about his choice: he's made his choice. He keeps making it everyday he stays with her. She IS his choice.
Your choice has to be about making you okay. The current 'friendship' is not making you okay. Take a nice long break from it.
]
More Questions: |