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i keep getting man-handled
Right well, im 15 and im a girl, but see, im really small. Like short, little, skinny, i dont know, just small. I get "awwh!"s its SO annoying but whatever, thats not my question. I wasnt really sure where to put this, but i guess since my crush does this too, i put it here. So i guess since im little, the guys i know think its okay to just man-handle me or something, i dont know. Its wierd. When they want to get me to move, like out of a doorway for instance, instead of just saying "excuse me" like they would for any other girl, they literally pick me up and place me out of the way. Its soooooo aggrivating. I give the whole firm "no" thing and im serious about it, and I ask them to stop but it doesnt. And its not just a few guys, its all of them. They just pick me up and do whatever they want with me. Hello?? Im not a toy, just say excuse me. And its not like my reaction eggs them on. As i said, i firmly (but calmly) say no, and ive asked ALL of them to stop countless times (even though i dont mind TOO much when my crush does it... hehe) but it doesnt. One time, a guy (hes not really my friend) picked me up and put me on the top of a fridge... like really?? what the heck? Most of the time, its just the harmless picking me up and moving me but even that drives me crazy. Why does it bother me so much? How can i get it to stop? Am i doing something that provokes it? Am i just going to have to live with this?
And please, dont tell me to like kick them in the balls or be really mean or something like that. I love these guys, theyre my friends (and my crush, i dont want to be a jerk to him) and i love them to death, but this has got to stop.
Oh and sorry this is so long, i like to rant... haha.
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If they dont listen to you then I would kick them. I can guess it will make them stop because being nice about it.
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They're just fooling with you. They probably think you're cute. I used to get stuff like that when I was younger and now I get it from my family. My husband is 6'4" and my 3 sons are all big guys. Wait till they start throwing you over their shoulder and running around the yard with you in front of company when you're 50!
It goes with the territory. When your petite, you're fair game. Blow it off and laugh along. It will taper off as you get older.
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I'm NOT a small girl really, but because of how many large, athletic guys I grew up around. I also had this problem. And you aren't over-reacting. In fact, when someone physically assaults you (and yes, this definitely is assault) you are under-reacting. For the sake of their own safety and sanity when they move out in the rest of the world, these guys need to learn just how 'not okay' this is.
Stop being calm.
Stop being nice.
That's for EVERYBODY (including your crush, your brothers, your female friends and your father).
The next time it happens, try saying this:
"STOP! Put me down now. You're assaulting me."
If that doesn't work. move on to:
"You are assaulting me and I'm going to hit you if you don't put me down now."
Normally, I would not encourage any young lady to use physical violence. But when your feet have left the ground, you aren't just being disrespected, you are being assaulted and violated! If one these guys did this to some girl he just met in a bar and thought he'd hit it off with, he's liable to get beaten up by the men around him AND the bouncers. It's not okay behavoir. If guys are confused about how not okay that is: Slap them. That should clarify the matter, and much more gentle then what will happen to them if they keep behaving that way in their twenties.
Now, out of respect to these guys, if they in fact your friends. You should give them fair warning that this is what's going to happen from now on. My suggestion would be to have a chat with them or send them an e-mail with this message in it:
"Something has been really bothering me for a while now. A lot of people seem to think it's okay to pick me up and physically move me. This needs to stop. I'm not okay with it. It's not funny or cute. It's very disrespectful to me and I'm not comfortable with it. So today I'm asking you guys from now on to not physically pick me up and move me. If you do, from now on I'm not going to ask you to stop, or say 'No.' I've been really clear about this not being okay, so from now on I'm going to scream bloody murder, or hit you, if that's what it takes to make you put me down.
You know that I care about you guys, and I don't mind playing around with you. If you want to pick me up, please ask. But I need you to completely stop doing it without my permission.”
The good news is guys tend to get over this by their twenties! But the reason they get over it, it because some strong, intelligent young teenage woman turned to them and said 'No way in hell! That behavior will get into big trouble.' So please, don't be afraid to be brutally clear and draw a really firm line on this. Children get picked up. Adult women do NOT get picked up against their will. In the big wide world we live in, picking up an adult woman against her will is going to get them slapped, kicked in the balls, beat up by other guys, or having an uncomfortable talk with the police. Better they learn this from you, then from a night in jail for physically assaulting some girl.
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