Keep writing. We all need outlets for emotional and mental clarity to evolve past our troubling circumstances in life. No one is guaranteed happiness or fairness in this life, most people are lucky to have a meal and shelter. Love is an even higher idealistic word that means different things to different people. Giving and receiving love looks and feels different depending on who you are, what you know, what you expect etc. You are not alone, but you can feel alone...even or especially in a crowd, when you are not connected with someone else who is getting you, understanding without judgement.

We all yearn for this kind of acceptance and respect, it is a validation that is vital to our sense of self-worth. Romantic love and sex cannot fill the void, materialism cannot fill it, and education cannot. You have heard that the truth will set you free. It can bind you forever and torture you if the truth you believe is false and negative. What are you accepting as truth right now? Whose opinions are you accepting as true about life, the world, values and most of all who you are and can be? This is a growing time in your life. Spring is growth...it begins after Winter, which is a cold death of sorts. You feel like ending this life you know, but you also have the strength to begin anew...put away your old self, old beliefs, old truths.

Bury those ideas that no longer fit you and your dreams. Let nothing hold you back from your renewal. This is your Spring. We all go through seasons in life and in relationships, even within ourselves. There is nothing wrong with it, it is good to feel and reflect and change. You do have control over your own mind and spirit. It may be a little while before you can realize how to save yourself, forgive yourself for not being perfect and love yourself. We all come from dirt and will return to dirt. None of us are perfect, it is our today that counts. No one can take that away from you.

Whatever you have survived and endured has not taken you down, but merely nipped at your tender and trusting youth. You will grow twice as strong and remarkable for your courage and be your own inspiration. From the wastelands of childhood dreams we can cultivate a garden of our own choosing. Till the soil under, let the old rot away beneath your feet, plant some new ideas, tend your self and be your own guardian, some weaker ideas will not take root and wither away...let them. The ones that last through the storms and seasons will multiply and give you back more than you originally planted.

Did you lose your virginity to this guy? If not, I am not sure what he is having an issue with. The vagina is a remarkable muscular organ and will stretch to accommodate a baby's head in birth and then return to normal in a short time. Even after childbirth a woman can regain much of the tightness she desires and then some through simple Kegel exercises. Kegels are useful for toning the vagina, preventing incontinence, and improving orgasm in both male and female. These exercises should not be done during urination because they can cause a urinary tract infection (u.t.i.) Here is one of many websites that provide general instruction.
http://www.kegel-exercises.com/

It is easier to be for or against anything when one has no personal experience with it. This could be about abortion, war, homosexuality, drug use, anything really that divides people, most of whom have limited knowledge or experience with what they have judged good or bad for humanity as individuals or as society as a whole. We are barely equiped as humans to make personal choices that affect mostly ourselves, let alone try to make the inappropriate leaps we do everyday in assuming judgement over others and their personal decisions. "Rick" is by no means out of the ordinary in his reaction. He had no emotional attachment to other women's fetuses. Maybe he had some sense of responsibility or feeling for the one he helped create in his girlfriend's body. This would certainly be likely, but it is also possible that through this experience he realized that his male opinion on abortion has no importance in a woman's right over her own body and that he was entirely powerless and unneeded in making her decision. Whether or not the male wants the woman to "keep the baby," the male ego most always wants to have at least some part in that decision.

You do not have to put up with any of that crap and they are threatening to be violent, so you need to report it. Tell your parents, teachers, their parents or the police. Someone...an adult, needs to have a serious talk with them. Your boyfriend's comment about them not having "the balls" to commit rape is obscene and very offensive! Rape is a cowardly act of violence to begin with and does not require balls. Furthermore, your boyfriend should be defending YOU and not his lewd friends, and if your boyfriend had balls, he would not let anyone ever disrespect you. I would demand respect from your boyfriend in this matter and the harassment must cease immediately. You are worthy of respect and I want you to know that there is never a moment that you should not be treated with dignity as a young woman and human being.

If you are asking in reference to the biblical God, then punishment is something reserved for evildoers who are eternally damning themselves in choosing to be continually against all that God stands for. God is love, there is no fear in love, and punishment is about fear and not love. If you choose to walk away from love, then you place yourself in fear of punishment. Get it? God did not create you for punishment. However, your free will can take you away from the rules of love, and out of the protective boundaries those rules impose. There are consequences in life for everything. The fact that gravity exists will cause water to run out of your cup, should you hold it upside-down. It is not a punishment that gravity exists, it is a scientific law. There are moral laws in this world, also. Stray from them and you take your chances. God tests us, but does not tempt us to do evil. You literally are being tested to see how much you know on a school subject. A grade is a mark that has meaning only if it is accurately representative of what you know. Getting a false mark by cheating, is taking something you did not earn, it is telling a lie about what you know. God is not wishing you to live in guilt. Guilt is remorse over what one has done. Better to avoid doing that thing and feel good about oneself. You are punishing yourself by telling yourself that the only way you can make the grade is to lie or cheat. This is cheating yourself of the power to actually believe that you can earn a good grade honestly. God knows that you are able to do good. Do you?

So the problem here is that you have little self-control, not that you like sex a lot. Part of the excitement between a couple is the build-up beforehand, the emotional and psychological chemistry, the challenge, the game, the chase etc. A clever woman or man knows that the easiest things are hardly ever the most rewarding. In a relationship in particular, the individual needs to be tending not to one's own needs, but their partner's needs. This is what makes a great lover...not how much or how fast you take, but how much and how long you GIVE. Does your partner enjoy it as much as you? Afterwards you should both feel better and never worse for the experience. My advice is to mature in your sexual awareness and take the time and effort to become the lover you have yet to be, one who is not only passionate, but playful. You will not only gain the ability to entice your man to seduce you, but you will see that better things come to those who wait.

Why can't you have two lovers? Why not twelve? You can have as many as you want if you are honest about it and accept that your lovers have other lovers. Don't like that scenario? Me neither. It is the hypocracy of human nature to want more from others than we are willing to give of ourselves. If you are with someone whom you expect to be faithful, then it needs to be a mutual commitment. If you are not ready to commit to one guy, that is okay...as long as you are honest about it and open to the guys having no commitment to you either. We can't have it both ways without someone or everyone getting hurt. Those amazing feelings come and go in any and every relationship. The sparks you feel while cheating may be as much or more from the cheating itself, than the guy you are unfaithful with. If you started going out with only Chris, you would probably lose that thrill and want Kyle back. What do you think?

We can have multiple "soul-mates" in life...those people we connect with deeply and profoundly without much effort. These people are precious to us, as they come in and out of our lives, and can be both male and female friends. You can see Noah as a brother and Sam as a lover and keep both in your heart. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and will require sacrifices on both your parts. Discuss all things that even remotely enter your head or heart as potential things that could hurt your marriage and talk about what marriage means to both of you. Do a lot of listening as well, because most people have very different expectations of one another and marriage. If you are both of the same mind and dreams, proceed and be happy.

For someone with very high standards, you have very low standards. Let me explain. You are extremely disappointed with life, which is why suicide seems appealing...a way to control your life by controlling your death. However, your standards about guys, sex, relationships and your own worth are very low. The higher we set something upon a pedestal the harder it falls. Disappointments are a part of life, everyone experiences these lows. You feel alone, but you are not. Your pain is personal, but not unique. Who has let you down? I am going to guess...almost every human you have ever known? Do yourself this favor...let them off the hook. Let yourself off the hook. Don't let your estimation of someone control you or to put it another way, don't let someone's estimation of you, control your happiness. I want you to let your high expectations die. This is the only suicide that will please you in the end. Everyone in life is fallible, even deplorable at certain moments. Those same people are also capable of wondrous manifestations of glory and miraculous transformation. Do not condemn the world so fast and be rid of us yet. Suicide is not just about you. It is about killing the opportunities that others might witness of your creativity, and determination. It is about killing the possibilities of a thousand friendships, lovers, and soul-mates to find themselves better just for knowing you. The world can be a wicked place, and a wonderful place. What you seek you will find. If you look for perfection you will find it. If you look for hypocrisy you will find it. The reason is this. By seeking something, you are accepting the possibility of its existence. If it exists in your mind, you will then seek to verify it in your experiences. Opportunities to experience other than what you expect to happen may be overlooked and underestimated in your pursuit to confirm your suspicions. Suspect less of others but more of yourself. It is no ones job to make you happy, not even your own. Happiness is a bi-product of purposeful existence. Find a purpose. You were born of the universe's intent and purpose to be and know yourself not as others define you, but as you are determined to be known. Let your death be the end of a real life, one you have led with abandon, passion, and joy. When you are one-hundred and three go swim with the sharks or jump off a cliff if you must, but by then you can say with integrity and pride, that you really took charge of your own existence.

Bored with masterbation at only 15? Pity. Maybe it is because you are not having orgasm. It is not necessary to have a vibrator and misuse or overuse at your age may incur infection or injury. I suggest waiting until you are 18 to purchase one. Do not play around with anything unsanitary or that could break off. Female orgasm rarely necessitates the use of a penis, or phallic object. Clitoral stimulation is all you need and maybe a great imagination. Orgasm is never dull.

Totally committed at 15 and 16? That is admirable, but be careful in assuming that it will not change. Committments are about meeting obligations that surpass feelings and many times this means that you are under a kind of self-imposed law to do what you feel is right to honor that committment and not do what you really want to do. Does not sound so fun, does it? It isn't and this is why when relationships are tested, most of them fail. Promises are broken and hearts as well. Knowing you are ready for sex is difficult to assess, and it is more likely to discover that you were not ready only afterwards. Girls in general attach more emotions to sex and are vulnerable to being hurt. Guys can be quite detached and have sex with multiple strangers with little thought or feeling. Scary, eh? Would your boyfriend be as committed to staying with you if there were no possiblility of sexual activities? Could he go six months with you with no promise of sex? This would help you know the truth about his committment to you. If you decide to have sex with this guy regardless, make sure you are at least prepared with condoms, spermicide and the knowledge of how to use them correctly and perfectly everytime. Waiting to have sex will make the experience more meaningful and enjoyable for both of you. It is your body and your choice, but the only good and honest advise I can give you is to wait. Holding out until you are at least an adult woman will leave you with fewer regrets and more control over your own sexual life.

The axe and broken mug sound dangerous. Draw her portrait, write her a poem, make your own personal coupons on paper for little things you can do for her like chores, cooking, massaging her neck, some nice things she would enjoy that you can do. Make her a card expressing how much you appreciate her. This never can be done enough and is always appreciated no matter how young or old the child. She just wants to know you love her. Have fun that day with her and spend time together. You could make her breakfast, go on a walk together, just hang out and talk about her experiences as a mom. You might learn a thing or two about her you never knew.

There is no reason to rush into relationships, dating, physical touching, or anything you are not totally wanting to pursue. This will come in time and has nothing to do with gender preference. A lot of people, even some guys, are not into physical affection and serious relationships until they are much older. It is perfectly normal. Unless you are thirty years old and unable to connect emotionally with anyone, I would not come to any rash conclusions or worry about this one bit.

Updated***
I'm a little psychic...are you 14? ;) Kidding.
You did not get any soap? Use an antibacterial liquid soap and wash the area last in the shower. Soap up both hands well and squirt some soap on the navel ring moving it around gently to get the soap in the piercing. Rinse completely, and several times. Don't touch the area outside the shower. Don't put anything on it and keep it clean. It is suseptable to infection for about a year, so take cleaning seriously. Good luck.
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Did you follow the instructions and clean with the specific soap given by the piercer? It takes a whole year for the navel piercing to heal. You are still growing and very young to have such a procedure. I find it hard to believe your mom allowed it. Anyway, don't put anything on it like ointments, alcohol or hydrogen peroxide, because it will prevent natural healing. There are sites that recommend soaking the area with an upside down cup of sea-salt water. Although not recommended, Bactine used to be what piercers advised for healing and preventing infection. I have known one person who used it and it worked. Also, don't touch it, except when washing as directed with the liquid soap provided at the piercers. Hands are very dirty.

Well, the best revenge is to be happy without them ruining your life. You made the bad choice to play dumb and they took you up on it. It became their game and you willingly played along. Maybe you thought they would become friends if you gave in. Now that you realize you are making a fool of yourself, you stopped. Good. The next step is to take responsibility for your part in this game and not shift all the anger onto these silly girls. You are a bit angry at yourself, right? Now take a deep breath and forgive yourself. You have learned a valuable lesson and you won't be anyone's fool again. The way to control your anger is to control your perception of who is really in control. If you perceive them as a threat and decide they are powerful enough to keep putting you down, then you will remain the angry victim. If you remain still in your very core of being and center yourself in the knowledge that they cannot harm you unless you give them permission to, then you will have the power and not the anger. Anger is not power. Anger will weaken the one who holds onto it. You are above it. Tell them that you are bored with the silly games and that you can't take them seriously as long as they continue with the immaturity, but that you would be okay with having a normal conversation with them when they feel up to it.

Unless you happen to also be very close to his girlfriend, this is not really your business. You can tell him what you know and how you feel, but be careful about thinking that you can threaten to tell her. It is not your place to interfere in their relationship. That being said...I have to admit that it would be very difficult to sit by and do nothing myself. It could be that their relationship is more complex than it appears and interferring could bite you in the butt. I believe in telling the truth, but the problem of whose truth to tell becomes the tricky part. Sometimes we think we know the whole situation, but we don't. This may have been an old friend or someone who is not a threat to the relationship or the girlfriend may have cheated on him. I can't instruct you on what to do in this situation, so go with your gut, but very cautiously and without being judgemental.

I don't know you, your height, sex, health condition or bone mass, so the fact that you are about 123lbs or 56kg does not give me information that I need to tell you what to do. Make certain that there are no carbon dioxide poisons in the home and that you are getting fresh air during the day and night. Many reasons for fatigue are possible, including dehydration, illness, stress, improper food intake, lack of sleep. However, if you feel abnormally fatigued for no reason known to you, then you may be sick or need to see a physician. Make sure you get enough rest at night, eat enough healthy calories during the day and drink plenty of water. If you are not physically unwell and the doctor says you are an okay weight, then you and the doctor can proceed from there to eliminate other causes.

If your eyes have not returned to normal by the time you read this I want you to see a physician. Your vision could become compromised if you allow an infection or other condition to continue or worsen. Only a doctor can tell you for certain about the health of your eyes. Don't risk letting this go one a day longer. Hopefully it is nothing, but you have to know for sure.

You have taken him for granted one too many times and he is gunshy so to speak. Why would he want to endure anymore torture from you? You are going to have to give him time and space and stop playing games. A week is not enough time to react and get pissed at him. He probably is starting to think you are either psycho or not worth the trouble, so back off. This is the only chance you have at gaining back his trust. Be available to him and talk to him when he pursues, but don't chase after him or demand anything or make another ultimatum. Guys don't like being manipulated, so show him some respect.

Call him...what are you waiting for and why would you worrying about it? Does hooking up include sex? Are you a one-night stand kind of girl? Do you want a relationship with him? Don't just be a booty call. If you agree to see him again, then let him take you on an actual date. You are worth the effort, so demand respect from the guys you attract. Tell him you would love to get to know him better as more than a friend, but don't think you need to rush into anything. Keep it simple, but on your terms. He will appreciate your honesty and clarity. Guys hate to be confused as much as we do, so be upfront with your desires and thoughts.

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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