adviceman49's advice column | Page 149

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Male

Member Since:

June 18, 2009

Answers:

8136

Last Update:

May 26, 2019

Visitors:

140830

Favorite Columnists

storageanddisposal

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

Abusive Relationships

about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

13/m
I did MANY stupid things on the internet, especially with my email..some on facebook but nothing important. But stupid stuff with email and asking sites like yahoo answers. If i make an email and keep that clean and use it for everything else will future jobs find out i did the other stuff?

Once you put something out in cyberspace if someone looks hard enough it can be found. That's the bad news. The better news is given your age I doubt a future employer by the time you finish college will look at anything that has occurred this far back in you cyber history.

If your future job requires a security clearance and something is found for this date in time and before. You will most likely be given a chance to explain the why of it. Here again unless you were hacking or breaking the law to a point that can’t be seen as a child being a child it will be overlooked.

From here on out remember how you are feeling today about your future. What has happened in the past is in essence Childs play. You are now seen as a young adult. Whatever you put on the web stays in cyberspace. The best rule to follow is if it something you would not want you mom to see, don't put it out there.

One other thing; anything you write on the web, send by email or to social media, make sure to use proper English. Make sure everything is spelled correctly. Use proper paragraphs and punctuation. These are the things people will look at. If need be pretend everything you write is going to be graded by your English teacher.

I applied to graduate programs- and all require applicants to report all colleges they've attended, even if only one class was taken.

The issue is that at one community college, due to a mistake on my part, I was given an F in a class I never attended, because I did not realize I never dropped it. I never received credit, it was an extra class I never needed in the first place.

I have reported all colleges and universities I've attended and received credit at or have had transfer courses from. I did not report the college I had that "F" at because I never received transfer credit from that school and it would be a waste of time to explain away an F for a class I never attended.

Do universities and/or application service sites see this and thus not process the application? I would hate to be automatically rejected for such a pointless thing.

I agree with Razhie on this. Call the Dean of admissions office and try to get them to expunge your record. If a phone call does not work make an appointment to meet with the Dean and appeal directly to the Dean and not the admissions staff who follow procedures.

Based on what you have written I see no reason why the college should not accommodate your request. If you were asking for you course fee back as well they would have reason to turn a deaf ear to you. What you are asking for seems to be a very small and reasonable accommodation to make.

So my school has organized a campaign to promote thinking before you act to avoid hurting someone, yourself etc. We have some ideas so far but I was wondering if there are any campaign ideas we could do. It doesn't have to be oriented towards collecting money, but has to relate to essentially bullying and creating a positive environment. We need something that will not only bring students together but make people aware of the issue and promote our campaign well. Thanks!

You have had a period so you are not pregnant. Remember your period is the cleansing of your womb. What this means is that what the womb does to prepare for a fertilized egg to be embedded is all, in a sense, washed down the drain with your period and the process begins again. You cannot be pregnant at once that occurs.

Bullying has become a national crisis. Legislatures in every state are struggling to pass laws to deal with problem. The problem is laws are meant to be preventative they are more punitive and reactionary to the problem they are not preventative.

I do not have one idea for a campaign to promote civility, which is what you are asking for. What I have is an idea to help you get your message out once you do settle on a campaign idea.

As I said to begin with bullying and sexual harassment has become a national crisis that you hear almost nightly on the news. What you are trying to do is important enough that you should be able to enlist the help and support of one of the local network television stations.

Enlisting the help of a local TV station will lend the professional help you need to make your campaign a success. They will also get the word out in a manner you will not be able to. What they won't do is do the work for you. They will support you with the professional help of the stations graphics departments if needed. They will help you professionalize you campaign. Then they will step in and help you promote it.

Call your local TV stations(s) and ask to speak to the community affairs assignment editor.

Me and my bf had unprotected sex and the next day I took the Plan B pill and decided to get on birth control pills. The doctor said to not have sex for a week because that's how long it takes for the pills so really work, so I didn't. I had a really, really heavy period a couple of weeks after taking Plan B. I have been having sex but im on the pill now and I still always make him pull out. I'm almost 2 weeks late. I don't know if it's because of plan B or because my last period was so heavy? What are my chances of being pregnant?

As to why your next period is late could be many reasons. Your body is adjusting to the birth control pills. If you have finished the first 26 pills you should during the next 5 pills get a period. You may not this first time because of the period you had and your body is adjusting to the pills.

Stress is another factor that will delay a woman's period. Stress is the number 2 cause of a woman missing her period behind being pregnant. You are probably stressed out over the unprotected sex. You can stop worrying about that.

Now as to having your boyfriend pull out before ejaculating. This is the worse form of birth control and has the highest rate of failure. During intercourse the male emits fluid as a lubricant we sometimes call this precum. This fluid has enough semen in it to make you pregnant. The male cannot control this emission nor does he feel it emitting from him.

I would suggest rather than have him pull out you have him wear a condom. A condom, worn correctly together with your birth control medication is almost 100% effective in preventing pregnancy. It is much more effective than having him pull out. Next a condom protects you and him from and STS and the HIV/AIDS virus. Remember anytime you have unprotected sex with someone you are having sex with anyone else they have had unprotected sex with. Last for him using a condom does not mean he has to pull out and he can enjoy a more natural release when he ejaculates and you too will have a better finis

I work full time raising two children on my own. My husband walked out on us July last year. He took everything. I ended up moving north with some family. I live in a home with family. Space is limited but we manage. I want my own place like any adult would I also do not have a car due to my husband taking it. I have a newer boyfriend. He is willing to give me his blazer placed in my name. Many miles older blazer but runs good no problems and I could get a place. I am not one to take hand outs. I work for what I am which isnt much any more. So i Have been going back and forth with his offer or just getting a car of my own right now and then working on the home part. Just looking for some advice.

I hope you have seen a lawyer and had formal separation papers drawn up and served on your husband. As the father of your children the law provides that he must be financially responsible for them until they reach their 18th birthday. That means he must pay child support each week or month to the courts that will send the money to you.

If you have not had the proper papers filed with the court and are not receiving proper child support or any child support. Seeing a lawyer and having the proper papers filed and having you husband live up to his financial responsibility will go a long way to solving you money problems.

I understand how you feel about accepting help. It feels like charity. Don't let pride get in your way. If you need the car take it. It will help you get a better job than one that may be accessible only by public transportation. When you have the funds to purchase a car of your own choosing; Offer to return the Blazer to the person who gave it to you before using it as a trade-in. What I am saying is you can accept it as a lone if it makes you feel better, one you will return when and if you no longer need it. If it provides a means to an end then take it.

Hi. I am married for more than 15 years. I love my wife. We are having a fantastic life. The one thing missing is physical relationship.For the last couple of years there is none. It is my lack of interest on her physically created this problem. I feel like getting physical with someone else. I know the hurt it will cause her if she comes to know. I don't want to walk away from her for this silly reason. At the same time it hurts me living this way. Any suggestion? Meeting a marriage counselor is ut of question. I don't even want her to know that I feel this way.

Razhie and I often agree on questions and once again I agree with what she has written.

You have in essence said you have fallen out of sexual attraction with your wife's body though you haven't said why. Not every woman after 15 years of marriage and bearing several children has the same body that she had when she first met and married her husband. My wife certainly doesn't.

Over the years though I have learned that it is not my wife's body I make love to. I make love to my wife the person in the body. Her body is just the vehicle with which I can sexually express that love.

You say you love your wife bit cannot bring yourself to make love to your wife. To me that is a contradiction in terms. To me there are two types of sex; Recreational sex and making love. Recreational sex is the type we had before we married there was only the physical attraction or just a willing partner who would allow us to use her for our own purpose. Making love is entirely it is not just sex it is far more pleasing than that. There is more emotional involvement a way of showing your love for one another.

IF your wife's physical appearance is such a turn off that you cannot bring yourself to make love to her. Then you need to look inside yourself to see if maybe you are partly to blame.

I'm going to guess that your wife's physical changes are not just the result of child bearing. That maybe she has let herself go and gained a lot of weight to the point she may be obese. If there is no medical reason for her weight gain such as a thyroid problem; then one cause of obesity, over eating, is depression. Lack of intimacy could be the underlying cause of any depression she may be suffering.

What you need to do is get your wife to a doctor and have her screened for depression. IF she is diagnosed for depression she can be treated medically and with counseling get to the root cause. Once she is treated she can lose the weight. But you have to help her and that includes being intimate with her and attending therapy sessions with her when asked.

Sure cheating will solve your needs but it won't help your wife.

I constantly think, day dream, fantasy, have urges, & desires to kill people. One day I was so overwhelmed by my urge that I couldn't ignore it anymore. So i drowned my pet & I didn't feel guilt or remorse. All I felt was happiness & satisfaction. So ever since I did that my urges to kill have become to much to handle & it's becoming more difficult to ignore my urges. I don't know what to do? My mom says I am doing it for attention but I am doing it because I desire to kill things. She won't let me get help & she won't let me tell anybody so I can get help. So does anybody have ideas on how I can get help without my mom knowing?

Thank you for writing to us for help you have done the right thing.

You have two choices as to how to get help. The first and fastest way is to pick up a phone and dial 911. You do not need parental permission to call 911. Tell the call taker what you have told us. The call taker will probably stay on the phone with you while help is sent to you.

Help will be in the form of a Police Officer and the Fire Department along with an ambulance. The Police Officer is there to see to it that you get the help you need. That neither mom nor dad turn the firefighters or paramedics away who are there to care for you and take you to a hospital emergency room where you will be seen by a doctor.

Once at the hospital you can expect to be kept in the hospital for a bit while the doctors talk to you and come up with a proper treatment plan.

The second way is for you to go to any hospital emergency room yourself. At 14 that you are old enough to go to the hospital without parental permission for this problem. Tell the admitting clerk and nurse what you have written to us. They will admit you to the hospital and have you seen by the appropriate doctor.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You did something you should not have done and you realize it. You are doing the right thing by seeking help even though you mom is not willing to help you.

Don't be too hard on mom either. As a parent I can tell you that no parent is prepared to hear from their children what you told her. While most parents might feel as she does, most parents would also take their child to the appropriate doctor for an examination. Without knowing the why behind your mothers’ decision not to seek a doctor’s examination I cannot say she is right or wrong.

I will say you are doing what you feel you need to do by seeking the proper help before you hurt someone. That is a decision I will support you in as best I can from where I am.

We go to the same university (both sophomores). We've known each other for a while, but I was in a failing relationship at the time that we met, so he didn't "try" anything.

He asked me out after my previous relationship ended. We went out for drinks and then I came over to his place. We ended up making out the entire time. He tried to go further, but I stopped him.

Last week, we went out again. He asked me to come over but I declined.

He wanted to see me again, and we made plans to hang out at his apartment for a few hours this weekend(we have pretty cramped schedules and it was the only time that worked for both of us).

Should I be concerned that he's just asked me to come over? How do I prevent things from escalating too fast when I do come over? Does it sound like he's only interested in sex?

Thanks :)

Okay let’s look at the facts. By the way what I'm about to share with you will get me kicked out of the men's club for sure.

Fact 1: He is a young Guy

Fact 2: Young Guys are always looking for sex.

Fact 3:Most all young guys are looking to get laid. (Sorry for being coarse).

I cannot say with 100% certainty that his only interest in you is for sex though I will say the percentage is probably as high as 90%. While I don't know this young man there are some men out there that pray on young lady's coming from broken relationships. They think they are easy targets for a quick romp in bed as they are looking for the intimacy that sex brings them even if it is not in the relationship.

My answer to your question; “Does he only want sex?" The chances are very high that this is what he is looking for.

How do you prevent things from escalating further than you want them to go. Simple; Tell him up front you have no intentions of having sex with him or being naked with him. If you might be willing to relieve his sexual tension with oral sex or masturbating him, then say so. If your intentions are that your clothing stays on and in place say so.

Explaining your sexual ground rules in the beginning will tell what his interest in you are. Once you have told him what your ground rules for sex with him maybe. Any attempt to push you beyond you limits becomes sexual assault or sexual harassment. Both of which are crimes of a felony nature.

Im 15 going on 16 soon, I had dry sex with my boyfriend. I was wondering if there was any way I could get pregnant?
Notes:
1. I got off of my period 3 days before so chances are I wasn't fertile.
2. He hasn't ejaculated in a week previous and I heard urination could take care of extra sperm.
3. We were sort of naked but he didn't go in he sort of just rubbed against the clit.
4. He didn't cum but he was pre-cumming a lot.
5. I wiped right after, when I got back to the house, then AGAIN when I took a shower. Then I used a homemade spermicide with aloe and lemon juice.

You can get pregnant from precum if any of it enter your vagina. Wiping the exterior of your vagina hours after would be too late as the semen could have already entered your vagina if any got on your clit and was able to get down and into you. Homemade spermicides are a Myth most all of them don't work, especially after the fact.

The good news is you are correct in thinking you were probably not fertile. The best thing to do is go to the store and by a test kit. Find one that allows there earliest testing after possible conception and take the test just to confirm you’re not pregnant.

In the future if you’re going to mess around like that have your boyfriend wear a condom. Yes, even while dry humping. If sperm can't get in no baby will come out or as when I was your age the girls said. "No rubber no lover."

I'm still a virgin we only touched and last time when he ejaculated it was after a blowjob so he didn't ever put his penis inside me.. Could by any chance I may be pregnant now, knowing that semin was covering my whole hands. I know it seems stupid but I need an answe urgently.

No you are not pregnant. In order to be pregnant semen has to enter your vagina. Unless you fingered yourself while your hand was covered in semen you cannot be pregnant.

So I was playing guitar and I get a random call from a number I don't know. It's some lady that I've never met, telling me that she's 6 months pregnant and that I left her. She knew my name, but not my last name. She wouldn't tell me who she was either. It would be impossible for me to be involved in that. I have a girlfriend who I've been with for almost a year. I'm a virgin and I barely even leave my house. Last, I don't go out partying and getting drunk etc. So it's either a prank, or a coincidental wrong number with the same name as me. I was also wondering if they might be trying to scam me or use me as some type of scapegoat for something. Has anyone ever had this happen to them?

It's hard to say what is happening. It could be a coincidence, it could be a prank call or it could be a scam. If you still have the number on your phone write it down and put it in a safe place. If it was just a prank call or a wrong number they probably won't call back.

If they do call back it is either a prank call or a scam they are setting you up for. If you live at home and are under age I would advise you tell your parents what is happening and then call the police.

While you may not be able to trace the phone number the police will be able to. From that trace they will be able to identify who called and handle the matter from there. It is unlawful to make prank calls. IF it is a scam or the police believe it is a scam they may ask you help in seeing the scam through to a point they can make an arrest.

what would you do if your underage daughter got pregnant after having consensual sex with a boy?

Considering the liberal views my wife and I have on sex and what we would have told her about birth control and would have provided for her. I would at first be very upset that she allowed herself to get pregnant in the first place. The one thing we would have emphasized is that the boy always wear a condom for her own protection against disease. After calming down we would then sit down and discuss with her who the father of the child is and bring him and his family into the conversation though emphasizing any decision was strictly my daughters.

If she were 14 years of age or older my wife and I by law would have no say as to what she decides. At 14 years of age and older a Federal Law called HIPPA gives her medical confidentiality over her reproductive system. This would include what to do if she got pregnant. All my wife and I could do is support and counsel her as to what to do. In the end it would be her decision. Should she chose to keep the baby I would have my lawyer execute the proper paperwork with the courts to see to it that the father and his parents, until he is 18, provide the financial responsibility the father of the child is required to under the law.

I believe any parents would be upset to find that their underage daughter is pregnant. That news is probably the second worst news a parent can receive. I also believe that most parents will calm down and come to terms with the reality of the situation and do what is best for their daughter. Many parents may not like the fact that there is a law that limits what demands they can place on their daughter. It is the law and they will have to live with it as no court will overturn it.

If you are writing because you are pregnant and under age? Please tell your parents now so you can start making the decisions you need to make and getting the health care you need should you decide to keep the child or at least see the pregnancy through to the birth of the child and then give the child up for adoption, then you want to have a healthy baby. A healthy baby starts with proper medical care during pregnancy.

Be prepared for a full range of emotions from your parents. The one thing that won't happen is you will not lose your parents love because you are pregnant.

So I'm 12 year old girl and I hate how I look. I am the ugliest person in the world. I want to look prettier. What can I do with out getting in trouble with my parents?

Okay time for a little grandfatherly advice. Since I am of that age I will offer some. Right now you and just about every young lady your age feels as you do. You are not ugly; you are a young lady who is just starting through puberty or about to enter puberty. Over the next few years everything about you will change and not just the shape of your body.

The shape of your face will change, the texture of their hair will change even the texture of their skin will become softer. In some girls even the color of their eyes take on a new hue. This is all part of becoming a woman.

For girls puberty brings on some drastic changes. Fortunately most of the changes happen slowly. Guys on the other hand puberty causes few changes. Their facial hair comes in along with other body hair. They start shaving. Their voice changes and they hit a growth spurt.

For girls their boy takes on a more womanly shape and this can continue well into their early twenties when the final body form is reached. Your face softens as does the skin. You will learn to use makeup to highlight and soften different areas.

No you’re not ugly that I can assure you. You are prepubescent and that time will fix. Until then do not use any make up for it will do more harm than good. Fix your hair to highlight you face and a little lip gloss is all you need for now. Trust me I've been there with my nieces helping my sister as a single parent raise them. At 12 they felt just like you and today they are very lovely young ladies.

I am a selfish jerk and a cheat. i have no skill sets to get a job. everybody around me is very judegemental so i cant tell truth about what is going on in my life. i just want to end it. please suggest me ways to kill myself. Dont try to talk me out of it.

No one on this site is going to tell you how to kill yourself that is not what we do. We are also strangers to you and therefore we are never judgmental. We try to help fix whatever is wrong making you feel as you do.

All you have told us is you fell you are a selfish Jerk and a cheat. That does not tell us much.

If you like you can write back to anyone of us in a private message as to what is bothering you and we will try and help you. Another way you can get help is with the following help lines.

The kids help phone for kids up to age 20. The number is 1-800-668-6868. What is Kids Help Phone?
• Phone counseling
• Web counseling
• For ages 20 & under
• Free, 24/7
• Anonymous & Confidential
• Non-judgmental

There is also the National Suicide Prevention hot line; 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

No matter what problems you are dealing with, they want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7. Your call is Anonymous & Confidential.

As you can see there are people you can turn to who are not judgmental and who want to help you. You say you have no skill sets to find work with. That is not a reason to kill yourself. These same people I have referred you to call and talk to can referrer you to job training programs.

What you really need is someone to talk to who can help you. There is no problem so large that a fresh set of eyes cannot find a resolution to. Give these people a call and let them help you. I promise you better days will be ahead of you if you let them help you.

Let me start by saying that I have never liked any part of my name. My first name sounds strange/foreign to me and I have never truly identified with it. None of its nicknames are appealing to me either (many are much worse). A lot of people in this situation turn to their middle name as an option. I have two middle names, neither were possibilities for a new moniker. The first middle name is more of a sound and not a real name, and the second poses an annoying issue because it is my first cousin's (who is 2 months older than me and I grew up closely with) first name. My surname fairs no better. I actually pronounce it incorrectly on purpose when introducing myself to people, because the pronunciation my family uses sounds awful with any first name (and, ironically, is ALSO incorrect if you consider the proper Croatian spelling). Even still, I have never identified with this name. I have felt this way since as long as I can remember (even in early elementary when practicing penmanship I remember always grimacing at the letterforms of my full name--I felt (and sometimes still feel) it looked "gross").

Over the years (I am 23) I have sort of become numb to this annoyance with a first name that I feel doesn't suit me. It doesn't really bother me anymore that people call me by it, and anyway I would never change my first name at this point since I feel like it would give a rebirth hippie vibe to say I chose my own name.

However, I have been considering the thought of changing my surname for professional (and potentially personal) use. Instead of outright choosing a name at random, I thought it would be nice to honor my great-grandmother and use her maiden name. This is my father's father's mother, so she married into my current surname, and still uses it (my great-grandfather passed in 1994). Her maiden name (Nara) sounds much nicer and more professional (I think) with my first name, and it feels more writerly to me which matters on some insignificant level.

I am about to graduate from my four year university in May, and will be pursuing my master's degree in the fall, followed directly by my post-professional and (a bit later) my Ph.D. I plan in this time to hopefully discover research worth publishing, pursue a university teaching career, and get my professional license (in architecture, if it matters). I also am an avid fiction writer and fine-artist, and I hope at some point to publish some of that work as well. I guess my point is--I have my entire career ahead of me, and I feel like it will be just starting out when I go off to graduate school for the first time this fall.

If I'm going to do this, to me it makes the most sense to do so before I get the ball rolling on my career. Am I correct here or does that feel rushed? Is it too strange a notion to change my surname at all? I mean--people do it all the time when they marry/re-marry, but is this an acceptable reason to pursue it? (As a side note, I would keep the professional name if I ever did marry, so no worries of changing it only to have it change again.)

How do I go about this change? Should I change it legally, or just socially? I feel like if it were just a social change that would be very confusing, but I won't have the money to change it legally before grad school starts in the fall. Also, I am likely attending school in CA, so wouldn't that cause issues trying to change a name right after an interstate move?

Also, not that I care much what people think of the name itself because of the personal meaning, but out of curiosity--how do you feel about Nara as a surname? Does anyone know where it originates from? My great-grandmother isn't sure either, but her family was from Finland. The only information I found related to Indian and Japanese origins but neither of those apply to our heritage.

There are a great many reasons for a person to change their name. Some like my father did so because he never liked his first name so he changed it by swapping with his second name, though he never made it legal. This did cause problems in later years for us his children as we never knew he had swapped the two.

You have solid reasons for changing your name. I would suggest you do so as soon as possible so that your future degrees and your name are the same. Leaves less explaining for you to do.

You may be able to file the paperwork with the courts on your own, without the expense of a lawyer. The paperwork is fairly straight forward, sort to fill in the blanks.

Try going to one of the legal websites like legalzoom.com and see if they have forms you can download to complete for a name change in the state you presently reside in. They have a reasonable charge for the forms and they come with instructions to complete.

Once you complete the forms you go to the appropriate court clerk and file them with the clerk. The clerk will give you a hearing date. At the hearing you explain to the judge why you want to change your name. This is where having a lawyer helps as the lawyer speaks for you and puts your reason to the judge in the best possible light.

In your situation I would simply tell the judge that given the direction of your studies and career choice. Your present name does not allow for the professional name recognition you believe you will need. The name you have chosen is that of your great, great grandmothers and provides the ease of recall and name recognition you seek.

The judge may then ask what your career choice is. If so tell the judge that you are seeking your PHD in ______ and that you plan on teaching as well as writing and hope to be a published writer. If you feel the need you can offer what this name offers you as a personal meaning.

Then it is up to the judge. If someone can change her name to "Sexy" and have it approved by the judge because she feels sexy. I see no reason why a judge would turn you down.

I do believe that having you College degrees all in the name you are going to seek employment in be in the same name. You can even request you undergraduate Degree be reissued in you new name if need be and your records reflect you new name.

how to kiss

Kissing is something that is both natural and a learned experience. We all know how to kiss we have been doing so since we were infants and is the natural part of kissing.

The learned experience part is the part you are asking about. That comes from falling in love with someone. You're in the 6th grade and will have many lovers between this grade and finishing college. You and different partners will learn to kiss as you get older and get more experience at kissing each other. You will learn from each other.

Kissing on the lips is not much different than kissing someone on the cheek. The difference is learning what is called French kissing; this when you and your partner allow your tongues to explore each other’s mouth. It may sound kind of gross at the moment, though when the moment is right it is a very intimate experience. It will also come very naturally and will get better with practice with your lover at the time.

My advice is relax enjoy being a pre-teen and the kissing will come just as naturally as anything else you have learned to do as you have gotten older and needed.

Hi I'm just looking for a girlfriend. My name is Kenny I'm a 13 year old boy who is interested in a 13-14 year old Japanese girl. Please help me!

Kenney this is not a dating site. On this site we answer questions on almost any subject. One such subject would be how to find a girl friend.

If you are looking for a girlfriend I suggest you look at dating sites or social meeting sites.

One of my friends is competitive with me and it drives me nuts. Don't get me wrong, she and I have similar interests and senses of humor, and we often have deep, meaningful conversations. But her personality is stifling. dShe ALWAYS has to best me academically, even though we are on the same intellectual level. She constantly brags about her advanced english courses (she and I are both English majors, and very intelligent). She ALWAYS has to be right in every situation, and so she is constantly arguing with me about the dumbest things. I tend to have a very chill personality and like to see the humor in everything, but it's difficult because she turns situations back and me, making me out to be the argumentative one.

Everything I do she will try and "one up" me. This has gotten quite bad and petty. Mutual friends have told me that she talks bad about me but she acts totally different to my face. We are housemates so I have to see her everyday. She always makes snarky comments on my clothes and hair and appearance things, and then she will completely copy them! She dyes her hair to look like mine and buys the same clothes as me right after I get them. When we go out she'll try to wear similar clothing as me & sometimes when we go out and someone shows interest in me, the moment I turn around she starts throwing herself at him.. now I'm not the jealous type, but I told her that this needs to stop doing that but she said "its not like the two of you are dating, you barely know each other plus we're in a club so all is fair."

She always disses my outfit, hair, makeup, even saying that my parents come from a third world country, the aren't from the US. Like she tries to make fun of where my parents are from and making snide remarks. Whenever my friends ask me about my accomplishments and such, she gets this jealous expression on her face and tries to argue about what I've done and how "amateur" it is.

At the gym she'll ALWAYS do the exact workouts as me, and keeps looking at my monitor to see how fast I'm going or how many calories I've burned. If I burn more she ask if my machine is broken, but if she burns more she will rub it in my face. What ever adjustment I make she will copy. I did ignore her for a while

Why is she being like this?

What I see and for reason only she can explain. I don't see someone that is jealous of you. I see someone who is trying to emulate you. Why this is so is hard to say.

It could be she is using you as a goal. You say that in many ways you are equals;if I take that to mean both intellectually and academically. Then using you as someone she has to exceed is a goal point for her. It's wrong to use someone else as a personal goal though you will not convince her of this.

If I am correct then everything you see her doing is just her way of trying to insure she meets her goal. The snide remarks, talking about you behind your back and copying the way you dress. It is understandable that all of this can be unnerving.

In another sense you should be flattered that she holds you in such high esteem that she is trying to impersonate you in every way. You may have heard that the sincerest form of flattery is impersonation. From what you write she is definitely trying to be you.

What to do about this. There is not much you can do to change her for she probably won't admit to it. Next semester you can ask her to find another housemate if your other housemates agree she is bothersome. Or you can find other people to share a house with. Doing so should send a message, I'm just not sure she will receive and understand the message you send.

13/m
So i am taller than most people in my grade but my best freind is taller than me. He always says im short for my age and my moms boyfreinds son says the same thing. So i want your opinion. Im roughly 5'8 and like i said 13. Thanks for you response

While you may be shorter than your friends you are about average for your age whereas they may be above average for their age. Depending on when you enter or entered puberty will depend on when you hit your growth spurt.

When I was your age I was about your height. By the time I was 18 I was 6' 2" tall. I hit my growth spurt when I was 16 and actually added the last 2 inches while I was in basic training with the Air Force.

Nothing says you will be 6' 2" inches tall. There is no way to accurately predict you height. Height is somewhat hereditary. Look at the other men in your family both on moms and dads side. It is conceivable if all the men in the family are tall you will be too. It is also possible that somewhere in the past someone was shorter than the rest of the family and you inherited those genes. There is no way to tell.

Only your doctor using an x-ray of your growth plates can tell when you have stopped growing. By the way 5'8" is not all that short. It is the low end of average for an American adult male. Some very famous people have been shorter than average. This would include astronauts, NASCAR drivers and some NFL running backs.

I really want my period but I know nothing about it cause no one ever had the talk with me. I took some online quizzes and they said any day now but I need info about it. I don't know if this helps but I'm already wearing a real bra!
Btw I'm 11

At your present age the start of Puberty is possible and a girl's period generally starts with puberty. Given that your breasts have already started to grow puberty for you has already started; which is why the quizzes you took said any day now.

Mom may be waiting for you to come to her as she may have when you needed a bra. If that is how she told you of the needs to wear a bra then I would expect she is waiting until you have signs of a period coming before she tells you what she thinks you need to know about your period.

I suggest since you are questioning your need to know that you go to your mother for the answers. Once mom has explained things to you. IF you still have questions or you have questions mom will not answer write any of us back and we will be more than willing to answer. For now it is not right for any of us to usurp your parents in this manner.

My advice is to ask mom first, then come back to us with specific questions.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>