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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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I've heard about Wicca and Paganism and I think it's the right path for me. They worship nature, believe in the soul, etc. I am a little confused though. They have these rituals and I don't understand, and I've heard about a God and Godess within the religion (Wicca in particular). I've heard so many things, I only really have the basic idea. There's this pagan account on Instagram who talks about so many things and it all seems wonderful I just need a good explanation. Can someone explain the religions to me?
I come from a Christian background and that is a big part of helping to explain what Paganism is. In christianity, I had grown spiritually beyond the confines of their beliefs, too many things labels evil and satanic that God himself had other ideas about revealing to me. One thing I never understood is if we were made in Gods image, and the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are all He's, then where's the part of God that has the female aspects that mortal females have??
I had other questions as well that church leaders couldn't answer. Eventually I met some pagan people after God told me that Reincarnation is for real, not a fairy tale as the church teaches. That began my exploration guided of course of God.
I and ex hubby got in with a group of people who met often at peoples homes or for picnics during nice weather for pot lucks to just have the fellowship. What I heard prompted me to check out a book somebody suggested I read. I cant remember the title but it was about the similarities of paganism vs christianity. It goes over how the Christian churches were being established in areas where there was no teaching of Christianity yet, the people of the land never having heard of Christ or christianity before. To make their beliefs more palatable they adppted some of the practices, rituals of pagans to make it more comfortable for them to convert. The word Pagan back then actually meant 'the unchurched people' so this would be everyone, the farmers, those who lived in little villages, from kids to elderly, etc.
Heres another important to me piece of info I discovered in that book.
In 325, Constantine who was now converted from roman to Christian started the Council of Nicea, which was the first general conference of the Christian church. The Council of Nicea took it upon themselves to decide what went into the Bible,what didn't, and what changes they might make to it to support the way they wanted beliefs to go.
Remember it was a mans society even more then than it still is now. Women had even less rights and were considered property. Still it came as a shock to me to hear that before the council of Nicea messed with it, the Holy Spirit used to be called a 'She' not a He. That put a different twist on everything I knew. I always felt I could connect with Jesus, but not so much his Father. But the Holy Spirit is what worked with me closest to nurture and help me grow in my beliefs, the same nurturing and other qualities of an earthly Mother. So when I was finally invited by these people to attend rituals, one being the festival of Lughnassad and later a simple weekly held Druid meeting in someones backyard, I saw so many familiarities with what I knew from my church background. I also heard them refer to God and Goddess or Lord and Lady for the deity. And it finally made sense to me. Jesus and the Holy Spirit are the Lord and Lady, at least in my mind they are. And the Goddess that one hears many pagans refer to, is actually the Holy Spirit by another name to me, it is the same entity that did that close walk with me during my church years, training me to trust and grow spiritually. I also used to be on a prayer team at church. Now I saw pagans, some of them Wiccan, some druid or solitary practitioners, all getting real answers to their versions of prayers. It still including laying on of hands for some as with the pentecostals, but one difference, is that they believe that God/Goddess does is not an angry vengeful God who sometimes wants his children to suffer from disease for example. So their prayers did not include, 'if it be Gods will to heal this person." Nope. Any spellwork was only the use of common articles they use in a ritual while focusing their intent for what they sak to have happen. AS long as it doesnt involve the free will of others, there would be answers to prayers/spells. I know of more healed now in pagan circles than in all my years at church. During the time I was attending both church and pagan events, I was again shocked when the church was asked to gather outdoors one SUnday to pray over the property we rented from the school district to hold our church servicses. The pastor and elders wanted to buy but the school board didn't want to sell. So it ends up they began a prayer like, "God, make terrible things happen to the school board until they decide to sell this property to us." That is not Godly. That is not the prayer and spells of White magick , but Black Magick. Wishing evil on someone because you aren't getting your way? That is Black magick and that sealed it for me. I no longer felt I belonged among the Christians. My personal faith had grown beyond where they were at.
I myself am more of a solitary practitioner. I know Wiccans and though I feel I am a witch, I am also a daughter of the Goddess and God, or Holy Spirit and Jesus. Since I acknowledge God the Father and Jesus, I suppose one could say I have some Christian beliefs in me, but lets just say its enlightened beliefs. I am growing spiritually even more in the time since I left the church 13 years ago. I didn't make this change as a young person or on a whim but as a person in my 40s with a lot of questioning of god and asking for confirmations that I was going the right way for me.
Instead of writing a longer explanation, I went looking for a good one already on the net to give you a link. Found an essay a high schooler wrote back in 2002 and other than some typos, it well covers much of what you want to know. Here it is:
http://spiritsofthelight.tripod.com/id17.html
I don't know who you have been hearing the pieces you know so far but it would be good to question each little bit and go slowly. Only do what seems right to you. Spirituality is meant to be a personal walk and relationship with our creator in a way where we are able to connect for where we are at level wise in our growth. One can't expect a kindergartner to know what a college grad does. And then there are so many different schools and ways to teach some subjects like the new math vs what I was taught. Its the same for the constructs of different religious beliefs. I personally don't rely as heavily upon the scaffolding and constructs, or doctrines and beliefs, rituals of even paganism now, as my goal is to have just that one on one relationship with Goddess and God, learning straight from them, asking what I can do for them and following thru.
If you'd like to ask any more questions of me, I'd be glad to try to answer them. But I suggest you do a web search for pagan groups in your city and at least begin chatting on line with them and seeing if there are any open circles to attend and sometimes its even more informal, just gathering at coffee shops to make friends with those of similar beliefs and of all levels of experience from just starting to many years or a life time of it. A good place to try to find such a group might be Meetup.com where the different meetups listed are based on your city or close to your zip code area. Explore the site, each major tab will lead to many other tabs labeled things like New Age, New Mommies groups, Board games, meditation, etc. You might find pagan groups listed under New Age or under coffee shop talk groups...you never know, so explore it fully.
Does warehouses hire skinny women?
If you are meaning that you lack muscular strength and the job requires being able to life 25 to 50 lbs, or perhaps more like 75 to 100 lbs with only your muscles, no aid of forklift, then yes, you may not be hired. I applied for a job where I was asked if I could life boxes, at a thrift store. Yes I could. Then they told me I'd need to be able to move furniture donations like sofas from outside into the store without aid of another person or any lifts...What!? I couldn't believe that and they claimed the other women there had that same job as a starting position. Well, I wanted a job but not bad enough to risk injuring myself. On the other hand, I worked thru a temp agency once long ago hiring extra's to help stand on a production line packing the windows 98 upgrade with brochures and that took only the ability to move your hands fast and stand on your feet a long time in one place and not being able to take potty breaks when you want or need to but only when scheduled unless emergency and your boss stepped into your place for the 5 mins. This was a warehouse setting also.
So it depends on the job dear.
I'm 16 years old 36 weeks pregnant and I can't come up with a good baby girl name! My top 3 were Melody, Bethany, Isabella. My family loved Isabella and my boyfriend did too! Unfortunately I've been on and off with him for 5 years but together without any break ups for 2 years and 3 months. In the past he's cheated on me and just talked to several girls to make me jealous. There was a girl named Isabel that was his best friend and he called her Izzy and it irritated the living hell out of me. They stopped talking when I asked him to about 3 Yeats ago but I still can't get over it. Should I just pick the name Isabella either way? Am I crazy :(
Things irritate much easier when we are younger, meaning teens and early twenties. The frontal part of our brains isn't complete and done growing until at least mid 20's if not a bit longer. So I wouldn't base your being irritated because of a past girlfriend of his and his nickname as a good enough reason to not name the child Isabella. If any nicknames came up, they could easily be Belle or Bella. I do however understand even older people having a reaction to a name subconsciously if they had a bad experience in the past. An example, could be myself. Having an abusive ex which I will call William for my example (not real name) When I was dating to meet new people after a divorce, I did indeed meet 2 people with his same name. My first reaction on the inside was to feel a pang of anxiety and alarm at hearing their name as I associated it with someone bad. But being older and mature, I told myself that I shouldn't judge a book by its cover or a person by their name based on my past experiences. Not everyone named Adolf is going to turn out to be like Hitler.
One of my guys turned out to be a real loser, the other a nice guy but we didn't have enough chemistry.
At 16, the boy isn't able to step in and financially be responsible for the child and due to your ages, theres little likelihood of the two of you becoming sweethearts til death do you part.
First love can be very intense and feel like it has the ability to stand up to the test of time. But from our teen years til we graduate college, we go through a tremendous lot of personal character changes so that looking back, we see we really no longer are the same person we were back in our teens. This is part growing up and maturing and part having certain chances at life experiences that help change our path and choices. Even up until age 30, we are still defining who we are. ANd relationships change too. So don't base your choice of your daughters name on the biological father of the child. Your parents at first will help raising the child and as you get older and find a great guy who loves her and will be her step father, that man will have the more significant impression in her life. Not saying she doesnt need to know who her birth dad is, but often kids having kids can turn out bad.
If you want something unique and different, start doing searches for baby girl names in different countries. I've done that for stories I've written and found it a good way to come up with great names. You just may come up with one all of you like even better.
Guys i am 17. Today i hav been mastubating 4 a week or two now. Me n my bf r waiting 4 me to turn 18 n hav sex. Now today while i was masturbating suddenly my vagina everythin inside strted hurting like hell. I almost felt like i might die. When i took my finger out i saw some blood on it. I am due on my period so i thought it might b d period blood. It bleeded for about a min or two n it stopped. My pelvoc area is still hurting. Is it possible for me to mess up wid my hymen?
Its possible to either stretch out, or tear your hymen. It is also possible for women whose hymen has stretched out or been torn to get a scratch or tear elsewhere inside of her that bleeds and hurts too. But it shouldn't amount to much blood. Our bodies are well able to heal themselves and a female will see these kind of minor injuries at times throughout her sexual life time. My hymen was stretched out by toys before my wedding night so there was no ripping, no blood ever. I had only either been too rough on myself, or the husband in the midst of sexual excitement. Also, not having enough lube can cause the tearing injury, both to the gal as well as the guy on his penis. Some tears are too fine to see, like a scratch on the eye, another very sensitive area. And if you've ever had pollen or an eyelash scratch your eyes, then you know how it can irritate and hurt like hell until it finally heals on its own. If you are planning on having sex when you turn 18, then its best to see a Dr. before hand. I was a virgin before marriage and no sex til wedding night but I saw a Dr. for an exam before hand and to obtain a contraceptive. I highly recommend studyin on line the various sorts of contraceptives both hormonal and non hormonal ones. Most Drs. start out with recommending the pill so if you have a preferance, you can ask for something that the Dr. did not bring up. Also, in rare cases, a female could have a septate hymen, in which case instead of the extra skin around the inner circumferance of the vagina, its a strip of flesh going down the center creates two smaller entrances. This could depending on the two smaller openings be big enough for fingers and a tampon but not a penis, and sometimes, girls couldnt even get a tampon in or back out without a lot of pain. And then, everyone has a different level of pain tolerance and what they consider to be painful. So it could be minor and heal on own or an exam by Dr. be best...and I vote for the Dr. since you are going to require birth control. Don't count on condoms for birth control, its best more for STD prevention. Plus there are plenty of times the guy isn't wearing one during sex play, everything other than penis in vagina sex and live sperm can be transfered by either partners fingers to her vagina or precum from his tip being at the entrance even though not inside, If shes really wet enough, the sperm can live long enough in the combo of both her and his fluids to get inside her. Then its a matter if she's ovualating or not to become pregnant. If you dont want to become pregnant during your 1th year, then get on contraceptives dear.
I am 24 and a virgin and every time I go on a date with a guy, he tries to make the moves on me within an hour of knowing each other. I want to have sex, I truly, truly do, but I want it to be with someone who I've established trust with. I can't establish trust with someone within an hour of knowing them. Why does EVERY guy I go out with seem to only want to have sex with me? I am really losing hope that that "right guy" doesn't exist, that I'm not going to fall in love or establish a relationship with someone. I just don't see how it's possible. Maybe this idea of "the right person" is a construct of society? Maybe I'm not the good girl I think I am, and am actually the promiscuous type but don't realize it. Maybe I need to just lose my virginity to someone I don't know and get it over with. Why do I attract this type of energy? I'm actually somewhat awkward and weird/unique, so I really don't understand why every dating situation is so sexually powered. Am I too closed off emotionally? Maybe I don't actually want love or a relationship and just want sex? If this is the case should I just get rid of the virgin burden? I just feel like every dating situation is the same and always based on sex and I just want to understand what is happening and why, instead of just letting the same situation occur over and over and over again. Advice?
I'll pick up where adice man left off. There are plenty of dating sites out there. Some are still free, but the one he mentioned is one of the best...match.com is a site where you answer what seems like hundreds of questions about yourself that help them have a clue as to who you are and what person would be a good fit to a point. We will all still have our differences and the small stuff we can change and compromise on like whether one leaves the toilet seat up or down. But there are other parts of what makes a person who they are, their character and personality that won't change because changing these major things about you that are not who you are, which are not bad things in themselves at all, will irritate the one who changes to the point they begin to resent the one they changed to be totally right for. I'll try to explain my experience with dating sites. I had no spare money for match.com which my husband I found says is the best. He found it after putting out his profile on a free site where he found me. I was divorced from an almost 30 yr marriage. I put out a paragraph of black & white honesty about who I am, what makes me tick, my strengths and weaknesses, kind of much like a job interview only different and way more important as this will be a partner hopefully for life, not a job for a period of time.
I also made a list of what were deal breakers for me in a guy. I am allergic to cigarette smoke and couldn't be with a guy who was a smoker and would not require him to change for me, no matter how healthy it is, knowing that many who quit, can't stay that way and go back to smoking sooner or later. I could imagine that happening after we'd already become a couple and fallen in love and that would be something that took part in hurting the relationship or causing resentment that eventually causes the drifting apart and break up of a relationship or life long unhappiness if staying together...I'd already had the unhappiness for 30 yrs in first marriage so my list had criteria for a man to meet. Some basics that are important to you. Lets say you want kids and the guy does not ever! That would be a deal breaker for you if you met a guy like that.
Also, often guys who will pay for a dating/match making site are more important interested in finding someone to be their partner for the rest of their life, married or not. So using such a site is a bit faster than just hoping to bump into a good guy out in society or worse, trying to find one at bars or dance spots. So since you feel like you are hunting for a needle in a haystack and all you're finding is strands of hay or maybe a twig or two, the internet can help. It may not be instant and a lot of losers, the type you've already run into, will answer your ad but thats a given, even with my list, I still got smokers, liars, those trying to cheat on wife, guys with anger problem..yes they got angry with mme right at the start, and so on. What you need is to learn how to recognize the warning signs, or traits of guys you want to avoid earlier on so you dont waste too much time with them or get your hopes up with them.
Now I will talk about sex as far as finding a guy. My ex had a low libido and tried to convince me I was the problem, frigid. Hah, as soon as I started dating and having sex with others, I discovered not only did I have a high sex drive but men found me to be a great sex partner and certainly frigid didn't apply at all. So girl, its not promiscuous to want to know if a guy you seem to enjoy as a friend, companion, whom you connect to on an emotional level, might be able to be a good connect on a sexual level and at my older age, I still would see how the first date or two went and then have sex only if he seemed promising, and if that was a fail, then I wouldnt see him anymore. But then, I'd already been married. I do understand your wish to connect with him first and be able to trust before going to that step of becoming sex partners. Its one thing to have sex with a guy just wanting to date but not make a life long commitment and having sex the first time with someone you know is seriously looking for a wife or life long partner. While it is fine if a person wants to remain a virgin until marriage, the virgin story only came about during a time when there was no such thing as birth control or paternity tests and remaining a virgin til marriage was the next best thing males could come up with. In todays society however, virginity for marriage is not required. But being in love to marry should be required. So it comes down to finding a male with whom having sex for the first time is a good experience, even if he isn't in love with you, its possible but at your age range, guys are either getting married or not into commitment and love and just wanting a social companion for dating and sex.
Rest assured you're very normal, not a bad girl or closed off or promiscuous, etc.
BUT...on the other hand, men are very normal for being as sexually charged as they are and it never stops no matter how old they are. Maybe their abilities slow down but all in all, they are still like young teen boys on the inside, wanting to catch a glimpse down your shirt, enjoying your looks and wondering how you look with the clothes off, etc. My own husband I met online admitted after we got together that the day we first met in person, he was trying to catch glimpses down my top without being obvious or noticed. I hadn't noticed, he was good. But that was normal. I did put in profile that I was very sexual, high libido and looking for someone who would match me there as my ex hadn't. Of course, this got me lots of messages from guys whose opening line was about how hot looking I was and how they could satisfy me sexually. I wrote back "not interested' to all of those. My husband didnt refer to my looks in his first message until 2/3s the way thru his page long letter where he stated, "don't get me wrong, you are fair on the eyes, but I am sensing that there is so much more to you on the inside than what men see on the outside and it is who you are on the inside that is catching my attention."
That certainly got my attention. He didn't boast of his sexual prowess either but could simply state that indeed he did have a high libido, desire to have sex. What adviceman mentioned, the meat market mentality is out there, even if not in the bars, but when your' out in the park, on the beach or even the grocery. I married at 20 and wasn't really aware if other men looked at me sexually but after leaving the bad marriage, even tho approaching 50, I discovered that I was the type of female who even without trying, just seemed to ooze out naturally a sexual allure to men that would cause them to look at me, smile, wink, anywhere and everywhere in public. I also by this time in life had gained self confidence and was not afraid to tell a guy right up front what my rules were, what I wanted and if they felt they had to change to fit or didn't want to or werent able to be that man for me, then they could just walk away.
Peoples subconscious mind will pick up on self confidence and so I had much less of guys aggressively trying to come on to me sexually, no matter the age. Without going into it, I even met a much younger guy looking for his 'cougar' and because he did the right thing with me and only flirted but never said a word about sex , I just saw the desire in his eyes, you've seen it in movies, horsing around innocently but then both people freeze cus they are both seeing something in each others eyes and then kiss. Due to my experience of years, I was able to see his desire for sex and I brought it up right away, telling him what I felt I saw, asking if that was so cus I wasn't sure I was ready or able to at all due to the age difference. He admitted but promised to be a gentleman and continue to be just friends as he also valued that very much and would leave it up to me to say something if I ever wanted to go further. I eventually did as it had been too long for me without sex and I had a willing person, and hon, he wasnt but a handful of years older than you. So there are guys at your age range who can be gentlemen and take the time to get to know you even if they may be desiring you sexually all along.
I usually waited until during or after the first date or meet up to give a guy my list of what I will be okay with and what not, basically your boundaries. You truly do hold the power dear. But in your case, it sounds like you need to have this talk with a guy before the first date, at the moment he actually asks you out. But how you do it will determine how successful you are in not hurting feeling of the truly good guy out there. If a guy you know asks you out or a stranger in public starts chatting and then asks for a date, thats the time to say something. So make a list first and you will update it to take off a few things but add a whole lot of others of what boundaries, rules a guy must agree to first.
I would say it is best to give each guy the benefit of the doubt, that he is a gentleman (even tho he's never acted like one in his life) its called using tact. "Derek, I need to tell you something before going on a date. It will be more actually you deciding on whether you still want to after you hear my story. Basically, I know I want to have sex, but with a guy I trust and both of us have some kind of feelings and attraction for each other. The attraction part is easiest and I have plenty of guys wanting sex with me but I am looking for the whole relationship and the only way I know will work for me is to take the time to get to know the guy, being honest about how we feel, if we feel the sexual attraction even though not engaging in it early on. I want to take the time to get to know the guy, long enough where a guy only wanting sex wouldnt be willing to wait. I can't give you a time how long a wait that would be, be it depends alot on who the guy is, how he interacts with me. I am so tired of beating off the guys who just want a one night stand, and you may not be one of them, and if so, I hope you understand but its important to me."
If a guy if upset by you openly sharing and not being able to put himself in your shoes and feel empathy for your situation, then the guy was wrong for you and congratulations, you just crossed another loser off the list. People who get angry or take things too personally may change at some point in their life but you cant wait and suffer though dealing with someone who doesn't have those qualities now of patience, slow to anger, understanding and caring, and has self confidence. So don't be afraid to say something when asked out. It might sound like overkill and may scare away a lot of guys. I went to several hundreds, not meeting all LOL, but reading their messages on my dating site and my responses back.
I will share now my belief that the best of long term relationships are built on a two part foundation of being each others best friend and also both being sexually compatible. The sexual part, if it comes first in younger people or older immature ones, will take center stage and rule out a chance for the friendship part to grow properly if at all. It is most wonderful if the friendship and the sexual parts could grow at equal rates at the same time without the sex taking over but that is rare tho I've experienced that with 2nd husband. Some get stuck in the friendship zone and never make it to the other part. All I can say is that honest communication often enough can help avert lots of pain and problems. Even just your thoughts, or something that comes up in your mind if instead of just wondering what prompted the guys actions or him to say certain words, ASK. If not for sharing what was on my mind, something I felt or experienced lets say during sex, I would never have known my husband experienced the same, a certain feeling or sensation that even at this age, we'd never experienced before. Don't be too shy to just speak out cus in doing so, you may draw even closer together which is what you are looking for. I can send you more on making your lists of how to honestly describe yourself to help you know what your needs and must haves would be, and how those help in making the list of what you are looking for in a guy and its best put in positive phrases, the positive things you are looking for rather than stating the negative, like a patient person vs no impatient guys please.
Let me know if I can help you out anymore dear. I have daughters your age struggling with the same. I know its hard, but with patience and trying some specific things, you can likely increase your chances of finding some decent guys.
Ive been using the pill for about a year and 3months now but i decided to go off and get my body back to normal i have been off the triphasil birthcontrol pill for 14 days..This past weekend on friday and sunday i had unprotected sex and he came in me we are not trying to have a baby..my period usually comes around the end of the month the last week but im getting cramps and things which means my period is almost due..am i pregnant now and if i am can i stl use the morning after pill
I am assuming that the reason you got off birth control, especially if still sexually active, is because you didn't like what the hormones were doing to you, have read about the side effects and decided to stop. ON the other hand, you also do not know what non hormonal contraception is out there.
As you've been told, if you have a period or are starting one, then you can not be pregnant.
The morning after pill also called Plan B can be taken within 72 hours after you've had unprotected sex, Plan B One-Step can reduce the risk of pregnancy by up to 89%. If you take Plan B One-Step within 24 hours, it is about 95% effective. this last sentence is straight from a website on Plan B and I am listing the link for you to read through, it is important info dear.
http://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/plan-b
Women have gotten pregnant at times close to or during period. Lots has to do with how long a viable sperm can live inside you until you ovulate. So if you are counting the 72 hr limit, thats up to 3 days after. So if sperm from Friday were to meet with a fertile egg of yours if your egg was still not too old, yes, you could be pregnant and from Friday night to Monday night is already 3 days so taking Plan B anytime today or after is going to have little effect to preventing a pregnancy. Also if you are trying to avoid hormones, Plan B is a larger dose of hormones and can produce side effects in a gal even if the regular pill didn't. So you are more at the point of having to wait long enough for the pregnancy hormones in your body to show if you took a pregnancy test. Over-the-counter home pregnancy kits can detect pregnancy as early as six days after conception, or one day after a missed menstrual period. So if sperm from Sunday did the trick, then you'd have to wait until 6 days after which could be late Saturday or this coming Sunday. Heres the website about pregnancy tests
http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/pregnancy/a/pregnancytests.htm
If you are going to continue having sex hon, you are going to need to be on some kind of contraceptive. If you'd like to hear of gentler methods on the female body that I am familiar with, let me know. But that would be a good discussion to have with your Dr. the non hormonal options if thats important to you.
So me and my boyfriend were trying things for my first time. If he only puts the tip in and doesn't pop my cherry can I get pregnant?
Yes but only if you are fertile and ovulating at the time, and even if not, sperm can live inside you for a few days and still be hanging around to get you pregnant if you ovulate a few days later.
The 'cherry' as you call it is actually a hymen and for almost all women, it is a ring of extra tissue, making the entrance to vagina a bit smaller but it stretches if given care and taking time.If a guy e nters too fast or you're too rough with a toy, you may tear the hymen or any flesh inside the vagina but it heals on its own with no supportive action. The reason you are able to lose period blood every month is because the hymen doesnt cover the entire vagina. If it did, nothing could come out. So, the hymen dear, is NOT a birth controll contraceptive. You need to see a Dr. and get on birthcontrol asap.
I find it much more comfortable to sit in a squat position at my desk. I sit with my feet on my chair, my knees level with my chest, my bum actually touching the chair and my back leaning against the backrest. Is this going to damage me at all? My legs tend to ache a bit but when that happens, I get up and wander around for a bit every so often. I just wondered if this position long term will have a negative effect on my body.
I don't know if you will find anyone on here who does that all day and can give you their story. I've not heard of anyone who does this so much. Sitting with feet planted on a chair or sofa and hugging arms around ones knees, i think is something everyone has done every once in a while but not as a substitute for sitting normally. You might want to ask your family doctors office about this. If you are very uncomfortable sitting normally, perhaps there are some extreemely tight muscles that need stretching out or a back problem. If its just a personal preference but you can sit the normal way without pain, then I would do so only if it doesnt disrupt the general setting in which you are, whether in school room, at work or if you find yourself out to dinner at a restaurant, etc. Out of respect for those in charge, I would sit normal if it wasnt a medical concern, but if it was, see a Dr. and it what ails you cant be fixed, get a note that gives you permission to sit like that.
I (17 F) have a great group of 4 best friends. They are my only friends, and the only friends I need because they are so loving and supportive. Except for one thing: we never talk seriously about boys. We have a couple of times, but only in a hypothetical manner, like what do you think is cute, or what qualities do you like.
The problem is, I have a crush on this guy. I've had this crush for a few years. I told my friends once near the beginning, and they laughed and told me we would make an awkward couple. (They actually had some logical reasoning...I'm 5'8 and at the time he was only 5'3 ish and super skinny....but he's grown!)
Since then, every time we have a sleepover, we ask "does anyone have anything new they have to tell us?" (meaning in the context of boys), but no one ever says anything. I have told myself that i'm not lying to them by being quiet because I told them when my crush was a new thing, and its not new anymore
The problem is, now I want to tell them because I want advice from them, but I don't know how, because I've been hiding this crush from them for 3 years.
I'm just scared that they're going to make fun of me or be mad at me or something. Even though I would trust these girls with my life, I can't seem to trust them with this bit of information...
The best way to beat fear is to face it. That means doing the thing you are so afraid of doing. Fear is a big bully in appearance but when you face it, will go running away never to come back again.
I am not sharing that to tell you that you have to tell them, only if you want to. A friend should be someone you can trust to understand and give encouraging words rather than tease, make insignificant or tear you down. This one event years ago is still holding you in fear of their laughter. Think on it. You said he's changed and grown over time, its likely that your girlfriends have also grown, maturing in personality and more. This same fear you have of them is going to hold you back from approaching and talking to this guy to invite him to hang out with you with a specific date and some activities mentioned. It is also fear that keeps many guys from noticing a girl and vice versa. The shy, quiet ones with lack of self confidence just don't stand out in a crowd. I know, cus I used to be like that.
Self confidence goes a long way to getting noticed but you'd still need to make some move to talk to him. If he's not dating anyone officially then he's free game, go for it.
If you want to boost your self confidence, let me know and I'll give you a trick that worked for me.
Good luck.
So...what did you do Specifically to get your boyfriend hard (particular moves while grinding)? Was it easy to tell? And what did you to "help him out" afterwards? ;) (handjob, bj, etc...)
Hopefully it's not a medical problem he has with getting hard. You didn't mention age so by the question I can only imagine that you are young and just starting out on the path to discovering sexuality and sex. So if you are older, sorry but this is geared for beginners. If an older man, he should see his doctor. Some men even in late 20-30's can have a problem and its due to his testosterone levels being way too low and he'd have to take meds rest of his life.
So for the young female, there are several things you need to know that do not include grinding. Any kind of grinding will make a partner hard. Its what you didn't ask but need to know that I will share. Men are visually stimulated first, thats what starts the attraction process that might lead to sex. Lets talk about visual attraction and sexual desire in a male. He can be aroused and have desire and not be hard. Do not ever in your life assume a man is not desiring you because he is not hard yet. Here are a few reasons why it happens: An older man just doesn't get hard and stay hard as easily as before, the situation my husband has, but the desire is still there, so its Viagra to the rescue. A young man may have low testosterone as I already said, he had too much alcohol to drink and alcohol will often cause a man to have trouble getting hard or staying hard.
In my experiences, I've found sometimes it is performance fear, sometimes cus its the first time or being with a new partner and once comfortable they will do fine. Or some men who may love and desire the lady and want to pleasure her need to build up a trust and emotional bond in their subconscious first before they have more ease getting hard.
Young boys can get hard just thinking about or looking at a girl and have many hard ons during the day and probably masturbate what seems an enormous amount of times daily. This is all normal and does not even require the presense or touch of a female, so grinding is nice but overkill as he will have been hard already long before you started grinding unless one of the reasons above apply to him.
I will not be giving you a step by step instructional how to grind or do hand jobs and oral sex as it can be different with each partner and different on some days for him. What you do need is to ask him what he likes and have him show you exactly what to do. This doesnt mean you are dumb cus you have to learn all new for each new sex partner you will have over your lifetime. Yes, some of the tricks you learned may work on the next guy but you have to ask him to let you know if its working for him. A lot can depend on how hard, or soft your touch, how slow or fast and often the changes from one to the other are what will bring on orgasm, the same as it is for many females. So get used to talking as in "do you want me to go slower, faster? Tell me what you want me to try next or should I keep doing the same? Don't be disappointed if he doesnt cum the first couple times, it takes time to get used to a person. I will share my husbands story. Most past girlfriends didn't like oral sex. Of the few who did do it, he didn't have that emotional bond to her so he never orgasmed from oral sex with them and told me that he couldn't do so. Well, after a period of time of getting used to me as his girlfriend and then wife, and no orgasms from oral sex, at last, the emotional bond was really strong in him to me, and now its no problem at all. Heck, I sometimes don't have to do anything to get him hard cus just the act of him running his fingers through my hair will do the trick. Hope this helps you out a bit.
I want to get ready for crop top season. And my belly hasn't been as flat as it used to (even thought it wasn't super flat before). But in order to do that I need to excersie and eat healthy. But it is hard to eat healthy when my parents bring unhealthy foods into the ALL THE TIME. And I don't want to tell them because they will think I'm trying to lose weight and stuff. Any advice?
How do you know they will think you are trying to lose weight? Are you predicting they won't approve? If so, I can only guess that you are anorexic and they are trying to watch out for your best interests.
As for food, healthy intake is good, but in the short time you have, abdominal exercises will do more to help strengthen the muscles and flatten the stomach. Do those crunches. You might ask the gym teacher if there is anything else besides stomach crunches they recommend to help tighten up your tummy. You are doing a wise thing to think of that now rather than wait until a little bit before school is out.
You can mention what you like to have in groceries, but if the parents don't like to eat that way, you can't change them. You could go for a job, earn your own money to buy healthier meals for yourself, at least healthy snacks and maybe healthy alternatives for your sack lunch.
gOOD Luck
Hello. So by my calculations and estimations, I have a 65% chance of dying within the next 8 months. Not by cancer or any type of disease, however that's possible as well. The situation is hard to explain, but it's inevitable. I've fully accepted it as well. Now. I want some reasonable things to do before I die. Keep in mind, I'm only 13. This isn't your typical hipster bucket list full of things like "go bungee jumping" and "be friends with a celebrity" because I don't have much time first of all, and second, bungee jumping is f*ckin terrifying (I had to put the * in because I don't know their policy). Anyway, I want fun reasonable things to enjoy in this world. And don't waste your time typing nonsense about the inevitability of my death. I fully understand and accept it. Answer my question, and nothing more. Thank you.
Sofetio gave a good answer I'd have to agree on. Another way to look at it is even tho the time line being short, having the same motto many of us have, to be a better person than the day before...that way you aren't going to feel like you've failed to reach some great goal. Just baby steps, being more patient than the day before, smiling and greeting people, trying to make their day a little more special by complimenting them. Wear a sign that says free hugs and then give out hugs to all who want one. I know these sound like little things but our souls are here on earth to learn and experience. When not having a large amount of time to learn, the best thing is to focus on being just a little better of a person than the day before.
I see no problem with focusing on what brings you joy in the time you have left. How ever if that doesnt pique your interest or you just can't get into it, then how about focus on leaving a legacy behind, something new you've started or called attention to that will help the others you leave behind.
Perhaps you'd like to focus on teens. Here's one: With todays economy, its hard for many families to afford a girls Prom gown let alone nice party dresses for other dances. My kids elementary had a "Clothes for kids" shop for those of low income. A site off campus was rented. All the donated clothes were free. Only brand new items were underwear and socks. It helped our family lots. They even had a room of clothing just for parents. Many of us shop 2nd hand and sales but its much harder to find things like prom dresses and tuxes. All the clothes we got were free, since donated.
All it takes is you organizing something on this scale. Talk to your school officials, letting them know that you would like to start a donation room of prom gowns and dresses for girls, tuxs and suits for boys to have for dances if they qualify as low income family. Perhaps the school has a small spare room for this and flyers could go out with each student asking for donations of used prom gowns and tuxes. Perhaps stores near the high school would be okay with a flyer on their door/window advertising the need for donations of prom gowns to be dropped off at the school office. There may be a local paper that will run the story once you have a space to set up in. Donations of clothing racks will be needed or perhaps several of the fathers from the school will make some basic clothing racks, and obtain donated hangers. This would be a lovely thing to leave behind, something that keeps on giving to others in a small but important way, long after you're gone. If an off site location is needed near the school, you could ask adults to keep their eyes out for a small retail shop location for rent. Find out the cost and then talk to other business owners near the school, getting a team of owners to agree to donate whatever amount split among them to fund the monthly rent on this place. If they need to step out of the agreement to help, they must find their own replacement to get set up with the school records on this place. Business owners usually know other business owners or perhaps asking for help in funding in the local paper doing a free article, will do the trick. This is but one example. You likely can come up with something, a need to be filled, it is needs people have that create new possibilities, like parents of ill children wanting to be close to their kids in a childrens hospital but living far away so the Ronald McDonald house was created to give parents a place to stay while their child was in the hospital. Hope this gives you some ideas.
Hey. So I'm Lea, and I'm a 14 year old girl, and I'm gay. I've recently started going out with this girl (she's 13). So we met online, but we've Skyped and frequently text. I've known her for a couple of months and we've been going out for just under a week (she asked me out). She lives about 30 mins away and we've scheduled a day to meet up soon. We've never met in real life so this'll be our first date. I don't have much experience dating, so would it be appropriate to kiss her on our first date? I know she's done sexual stuff before, but I'm still a virgin and haven't kissed anyone before so I'm really inexperienced. I'm also quite awkward so how can I tell that she also wants to kiss, without being too direct about it? I could really use some advice about it. Thanks, Lea x
I can't say whether its any different for gays vs heterosexuals as I am not gay. But I would think some things in general are the same no matter what the sex or the age.
A must for wanting to kiss when meeting someone the first time, is being able to feel chemistry.To explain what I mean, if you kiss and it feels like kissing your mother, then its not romantic, but if you kiss and it feels like tummy somersaults and heart beats faster, then it is chemistry. You can't force chemistry to happen. You can meet and have lots in common and find her to be cute,, sexy even but then again this is young love and dating.
I have shared what adults will sense. As young as you are, you may not yet be able to sense and recognize this, probably one reason why lots of teen relationships don't last long.
Just see how it goes, if it feels like you have known each other all your life when you meet, then its a good sign that a kiss will be good, not bad. Adults usually end a date with a kiss.
I find it important from the start to know if I feel that chemistry. On a coffee date, we'd talk, even out to dinner and once dinner was over, before I got into my car the guy and I would give each other a kiss to thank each other for the time and it ended there if the kiss was bad. I had enjoyed some dates very much but when it came to the kiss, I decided against dating the guy. Of the kiss was really good feeling, it wasn't a short thing over, but would go on for a bit. hope this helps a bit.
How can you show him you love him besides kissing and no sex ? What other way ?
Glad you asked. Most people have one way that they strongly will sense they are loved with a lesser secondary way that also works. What most of us do however is to show love the way that we like to be shown love which may differ from ones partner.
So there is a test you can take. I recommend you both sit down by computer, each with your own pen and sheet of paper.
The test is about the 5 Love languages, written by Gary CHapman. He has a test online. At the top of link i will give, is a box if you click on will take you to a test. Read below first the basics of the different love languages.
http://keepthefaith.com/page/gary-chapman
So even if lets say, he feels loved strongest by quality time together and you feel loved if recieving gifts, you may be tempted to shower him with gifts cus it feels comfortable and familiar to you but he may not feel really loved unless he is recieving quality time with you.
Just to avoid confusion, you already mentioned sex and kissing, and Physical touch as a love language is about more than just what happens in the bedroom. This is the touchy feely person who will feel loved when getting hugs, pats on shoulder, hand holding, etc.
Hope you enjoy it. Both of you need to take turns doing the test. I suggest you tell him you'd like for both of you to do this and hopefully he'll want to. If only you take the test, then you'll only confirm how you like being shown love. SHow him your results and then ask if he'd take the test to see how accurate it is, as it will help you to show him love in the ways that are most meaningful besides sex.
i saw him in my mind and i heard him. i true feel hes my spirit guide. hes very beautiful and has the most comforting voice ever. how can i talk to him easier???? any tips from people who ACTUALLY know about spiritual thigns?
I believe in spirit guides only after having my experience of meeting mine. My experience however starts with being in the church and told we can communicate with God back and forth. Prayers to me are a laundry list of what I need and want. I just began directing everyday regular conversations towards God who is also spirit like angels and guides. So whatever I tell you about my experiences with God first, applies also to angels and guides. First, it starts with God or spirits who work for God that do not interfere in your life. They do not approach you to talk to you first. Its a very rare situation if they do, more likely that you'd be in dire trouble if they didn't. So depending on the situation, any new spirit that comes to me first to speak without my inviting them to do so, I am always watchful and careful, lest they be pretending to be on Gods side when they are really not looking out for my best interests and to eventually lead me astray.
So, when taught to talk to God, it took lots of me doing the talking and hearing nothing back. While some people hear with their actual ears, for most, like me, its with our internal ears and the voice you will hear in return is most often in your mind and sounds much like your own. Its possible to hear a different sounding voice if its necessary such as a medium trying to convey to a person things about the spirit who wants her to refer on a message and verifying by sound of voice, looks, and facts that only the two could know are then important. I have never heard my guides sound like a separate voice. Not saying that its impossible though.
If you have ever listened to convo's done with psychics about themselves, many will say spirit guides are not angels, but souls who have lived past mortal lives before and most likely were related to you or friends in some lifetimes way long ago but you won;t recognize them as such until you pass over and all memories come flooding back. This all I believe too before I heard it from others.
When my first guide appeared to me, he just stood there, in my mind not saying a thing. It wasn't until I realized he wasn't going away that I started asking myself what I should do and the idea "Talk to him" came to mind. So, I did talk, the same way I do with God, internally, or like telepathy, just speaking the conversation in my head. Once I asked "Who are you and what do you want?" my guide barely could stop talking. He had a lot to say, also telling me that he worked as a team with another spirit guide for me whom I'd meet later.
The only reason I could ask my guide a question and hear an instant reply in my head was because of the years I'd spent talking to God. We are like a radio unable to pick up stations at all, or once we start learning how to connect, we bring in the stations kind of fuzzy with static. This meant for me, that I tended to question whether I was hearing right from God or not and so God tested me over and over again in many ways such as "Go to so and so and tell them God sent you to pray for their headache to go away" My instant question was, "What if they dont have a headache and I heard you wrong. I'll look stupid and be very embarrassed?" I did my share of arguing with God first, but doing as he said after, as I knew it was all part of what was best for me to learn. And I did get better and better.
So years later, when meeting my spirit guides, it wasn't hard to talk to them. Once I had initiated the contact, they could come talk to me anytime they needed to but most of the time waited for me to tune in to them first. So I hope you can see that there isn't really anything you can do right now to instantly be able to have good conversation with him.
One thing psychics and mediums do caution is that you protect yourself spiritually using pure white light energy from God, and this means they all believe in and have a relationship with God. You may find a few out there who dont and you cant rely on them, mediums or spirits because they are not connected to the source of all that is good and right. So my first thought is that if you do not have any relationship with God, that you establish that too. Practice talking with God becuase God loves you and won't lead you astray and you can ask God to verify if anything an angel or guide says is okay.
Beautiful looking is not important in a guide and to me actually gives me concern as I know Lucifer as a fallen angel was once the most beautiful angel in heaven. Now that He's working against God, he will use a mask of beauty to lure the attention of unsuspecting humans to lead them astray. Not to say we dont know right from wrong, but the changes if made slowly, can eventually bring a person to accept little things that dont seem to matter until after years of it when it all adds up to finding ourselves haunted by some entity that has attached itself to us. My first guide looked like a hermit in the woods. Tall, beady eyes, long scraggly hair and scraggly beard, plaid shirt under overalls. Thats it. Nothing you'd find in a model magazine.
I have mentioned a few different things here. Don't know how helpful it may be to you so if you have anything else you'd like to ask, just write to my column.
Younger sibling has graduation this year and her teacher wants some ideas for something for the students to keep. Any iideas? BTW I am from Australia
Not sure if you are talking about the teacher purchasing some sort of momento that captures the year of graduation or if its to be a project where the students make something useful.
I know lots of party supply or card shops, even costume stores in my area will carry themed event items for any holidays or special days like graduation. If the teacher wants to get something, an item that will be used is best, like a mug with the year on it or some such thing.
If its to be a craft all make on their own, its fairly easy to make refrigerator magnets, or key ring decor, or any small thing that could carry the words "Class of 2016" or a mini replica of graduation hat with the right school colors. I think the teachers own variations of a craft or gift might come simply from her gathering ideas by going to such shops, or she could look online at do it yourself, DIY graduation items/crafts/gifts.
Well i am 20 years old from India in my final year of Engineering. I hav been facing lots of criticism at home by dad who happens to be too much of a perfectionist.I somehow manage to get all his criticism for no fault of mine.i just happened to be seeing A cartoon on tv which led to one thing and then another. The last thing i knew was my dad telling me i have no aim in life and stuff..i agree i m not totally pumped up. I love to take things in my pace..it isnt so that i am not in the field i love. Or i do not study. I give in my 100%. Till now, i have given everything my best shot. I have failed and been disappointed..but i do not take everything too harshly. I try to learn from my mistakes. Analyze myself. But i do not show it or tell any1. Just bcz i did nt get marks the way my dad or for the matter even others expected..dad says i have been fooling them and nt studyng which i havent at all.I do not compete with any1 except myself. I do not mind others going ahead of me or staying behind me.its just i do not rush heavily into things, i love takin my time with things. I have huge aspirations in life and ready to face any failure bt you just cant criticize every step i take and call it "constructive criticism". I tried telling him my point of view but he just doesnt seem to understand my side. I may be wrong sumtyms i accept it..same way he cant be right all the time. I end up gettin criticized if i speak up..if i dont i neways get criticized. I ignore but this frustrates me.he has been jobless for some 8 years now and doing some small business which gets our family but my mother is the only one who is earning..i m really. Frustrated..please advice needed
You sound like a level headed young man. I do not think the problem lies with you as much as it does with Dad and that the root cause of his being hard on you is a financial one.
When finances are tight, a parent can have expectations of an adult child at home helping pitch in with the income. Since, you are going to school, I do not know how much time you have to work and give them money and that still may not help him feel at ease.
I also don't know if your mother is aware of how he is being so negative with you but if not, then I would tell her and ask her to have a talk with him.
Now as for yourself, I can only go by the words you choose and you did write: Till now, i have given everything my best shot. I have failed and been disappointed..but i do not take everything too harshly.
So, this sounds to me as if everything you have tried so far has failed and not for lack of putting in lots of effort. Perhaps there is some kind of learning disorder that is contributing to this so it will take you longer and harder.
Since your family doesnt have the money, talk to school counselors if you feel this might be the case and ask where to turn for free help to get tested for learning disorders. You may be at the end of schooling but knowing how to work around it in your career is also going to be crucial. Sorry, but thats all I have to share.
I'm turning 27 and honestly hadn't been in a relationship without disappointment,, the last one it was something different i really was into it .i even had big hopes that he could be the one because of the fact that his friend was in love with me and he was helping him to win my heart but at the same time he was in love with me too,i dont want to get in to the details long story,but my heart beat for him and the things lead to another they fought and i dont know what happened but suddenly we were together, we dated for two month it was amazing we had really good time together but he started to care less he started to act differently i mean he literally changed i know he loved me ,relationships are like that i know passion will be gone sooner or later but 2 months is really small period of time i mean i wanted that back i did everything but no use,so i told him and he was like "maybe because of the fact that you're mine im comfortable i dont have any fears to lose you" so maybe he was right but he kept that way and i wanted a break up and the fact that he was gonna travel for 2 month he didnt say anything and after 2 weeks he texts me and said it was really hard for me to say anything because i was in shock didnt know what to say but we're gonna talk about it when i come back and now he's here and we talked he said i can't do anything if you took your decision for break up,you dont want me to ran after you don't you,, i mean if he really thinks we shouldnt break up at least he tries to convince me the otherwise ,,although i think he doesnt care anymore ,after all he did to win me after he fought with his friend i dont know the real reason why he acts like this im losing it that i started to think it might be someone else..
Honey, you have some beliefs about relationships that aren't 100% true. And thats just the few you've listed. I am sure that may be more. Not picking on you hun but dating and relationships and knowing how to find the right one to be your life mate is a very serious thing in life and yet there aren't required classes to learn that as there are for math, reading, e tc...
My suggestion is that you start with reading some books about relationships. I even have an author, also a psychologist to recommend. I checked out one of her books from my library and was so impressed that I now recommend her alot. Its easy to read and she does write with humor too but to the point. This is the best way to gain the knowledge you seek and I am sure there won't be any confusion anymore. I am posting a link to her books offered at Barnes and Nobles so you can see all her books of which I read 'What Men say, What Women hear'. There are others that look real good as well. If your library doesnt have the book to check out, then I would suggest purchasing the one I mentioned and also another like 'The Man Manual: Everything You've Ever Wanted to Know about Your Man'. I wish you well dear in relationships and love.
First off, we're both adults and we attend the same college where we both dorm. We've only been dating for a month, but unlike the usual "one date a week" relationship we've been seeing each other almost every day and have stayed the night together multiple times so we know one another better than most couples at this point. I've been in a serious long term relationship before so I'm also not new to dating and I know the differences between infatuation and love and when you're just in the honeymoon phase.
Anyways, everything was going really well with us, we were both incredibly happy and I was really starting to believe maybe I found the right one because it was just that amazing (compared to my previous relationships).
Then we got into what I thought was a small argument a few days back. I backed down really quickly and apologized for something I shouldn't have because I wanted to salvage the rest of our night and then we went on about our relationship like nothing happened. He's gone back to being as happy as he was before and I've been trying to act like it too, but I'm not okay. I had let down a lot of my walls with him which I'd never done so quickly with anybody else and I really truly trusted him. During the argument though he made a comment about how if anybody was going to end the relationship it would be him. Maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but something about that hit me really hard. I know at the time he said it that he was upset, but it still hurt a lot. Since then, he's been his usual sweet and loving self, constantly telling me sweet little things, doing things for me, ect...but I can't get what he said out of my mind.
Another issue is that when we get romantic he talks about how much he cares about me and how he can't wait until we're actually intimate (we're waiting until I get on BC and for the moment to be right) and has even begged me once or twice to engage in the act. I took that as obvious signs he wanted to be intimate and the other night I asked him about how he felt about planning a special night for it not too far in the distance (because the way things were going in bed I didn't think he wanted to wait much longer to have sex and neither did I especially being that neither of us are virgins). To my shock, he wound up telling me that he wasn't ready to have sex with me yet and was afraid he'd regret it if we did it this soon. It made me feel incredibly naive and stupid and I can't understand why he kept saying he wanted to if he didn't or why he wanted me to get on birth control. I didn't let how much it hurt me show and told him I'd wait for him however long it took.
Today he pulled up a picture on my computer that said "I love you" but I totally blew it off because I didn't believe it. He's never said it out loud and didn't verify if he meant it or not so I'm assuming that he was just trying to be cute and didn't mean it, but that's just one more thing that confused me.
It seems like he's giving me mixed signals and I'm starting to rapidly build my walls back up and find myself reprimanding myself for trusting him and letting my emotions get in the way of my common sense.
I feel really stuck right now and don't know what to do. I don't want to go on feeling like this, but I also can't bring up how hurt I am because I don't want to put any stress on the relationship. I'm constantly scared that he's going to break up with me at any given moment and that I'm going to have done things with him that I shouldn't have. I'm afraid I'm going to be the stupid naive girl that he's going to talk bad about if we break up and I'm scared that he doesn't care as much for me as I do for him. I don't know what to do. I don't mean to make him sound like a bad person at all either, because other than these instances he's absolutely wonderful. The best guy you can think of which is why I do care so much.
Please help?
First you mention you know you did the wrong thing in apologizing for something you didnt feel was your fault. Since i don't know what the argument was about, I can't say it was him only in error or that both of you had some fault. Theres the fault of committing the error or omitting dealing with one thats been committed and that was my error in a past marriage that failed. It was going to fail either way but I would have ended up leaving him a heck of a lot sooner than waiting to raise all our kids and then leave.
YOU are not okay inside, emotionally with the things you did, backing down to keep the peace...I am so familiar with that myself.
I think your womans intuition is working well dear when you mentioned this next part:
During the argument though he made a comment about how if anybody was going to end the relationship it would be him....something about that hit me really hard.
Darned tooting right it should hit you hard! When a person in a relationship wants to be the first to break up, it means that they are afraid of rejection,or abandonment, even if there is no reason at all in the world to have that fear. In my ex's case, mental illness influenced him to fear all women would leave him at some point or another and so he'd treat them all terribly until the point they could no longer take it and they left him. So in your boyfriends mind, its better that he rejects you for whatever his reasons, rather than you rejecting him. That is not a good sign for a relationship.
Next: when we get romantic he talks about how much he cares about me.
This may be good or maybe not. For some, caring and loving is the same thing. Some don't talk much and find it hard to say but they prove it in many ways other than verbally so you can be sure he really loves you. I will list that test at the end, called...How to know if He really loves me.
Next, about him saying he's eager to be intimate with you, has even begged on occasion brought up questions on both sides. I understand it's only been one month and some people like to wait longer before becoming intimate, usually its the gal. If he's back paddling now and not seeming as eager now that you are talking about plans for the special night really soon, it could mean that he doesn't want you taking the lead in the relationship in any way shape or form. He wants everything to always be his idea, him making the first move.
Next, "I didn't let how much it hurt me show and told him I'd wait for him however long it took."
That wasn't the best move dear. When you are hurt in the future, he is going to be surprised when you finally say something after a handful of months or couple of years and say, "But it never bothered you before?" What you are afraid of is rocking the boat, or making mountains out of mole hills. All I can say is when it comes to relationships, its best that each person feels that they can be intimate with their feelings and concerns, able to fully trust their partner to listen to, hear their concerns, take them seriously and be willing to work toward some kind of resolution or compromise between each other. If you can't do that, you are either not ready to be in a serious relationship or something about your partner isn't quite right for you, no matter how nice they are.
Also, saying you'd wait for him to be ready for all long as it would take are nice words, but seriously, I wouldn't say something I might not be willing to back up later. How long is 'long' to you? Another month? What if in 3 more months, he's still holding off, while your vow to wait as long as it takes still be a vow you can keep? How about a year goes by and he's made no move to have sex with you and is still not ready? Do not make promises like that. It makes you looks too desperate for him which in turns lets him at least subconsciously feel like that puts him in the drivers seat of this relationship, he's the one in control and you will not ever have any say cus you are willing to do whatever it takes to keep him. If you think I don't know what I am talking about...I did have to walk away from someone I was in love with but due to circumstances he wouldn't bend on, wouldn't consider to meet me halfway and then to top it all, he in the end decided to go back to someone else, I was not willing to be his sometime friend with benefits on the side after being in a relationship with him.
Next about the pic on the computer saying I love you, I would say its, incredibly interesting, the timing on it, the same day you were upset enough to write to us. So I suspect he's already sensing something is wrong but doesnt want to know or he'd be asking you to share it all with him so he can reassure you and all. He just may be a guy who has a hard time sharing the words if hes a man of few words. If he's extrovert and very talkative, then it shouldnt be so hard. Or, it could be a really 'chicken' way of trying to brush stuff under the rug, not stir things up and just post the words hoping that will fix whatever is bugging you. Guys rarely do things to be cute or things they dont mean to do....thats a female trait, so unless he's gay, thats not what he was doing.
You say you;re building your walls back up. we do that to avoid getting hurt. You're already close to feeling that. But so far, he's said some things that definitely can be taken wrong. Maybe he's a klutz at expressing himself with words or using the right words. I've read so far of several times where he said something but no story from you about asking him for clarification.
Do you think that if two people a each other, re together, they;ll always understand perfectly and never have to question each other? Heck no! I have the most wonderful guy in the world for a husband...the 2nd one. And we still have to ask each other what we meant when we said blah blah blah, whatever the words are. You are afraid that asking him to rephrase what he said, or explain would upset him. Honey, if he were to get upset for you wanting clear communication when he's rather prefer you remain ignorant and just follow him along like a puppy dog, then maybe he's not exactly the most wonderful guy as you believe and you're just looking through rose colored glasses. I think all these things that are bothering you, need to be written down in the order they occured, how you took their meaning, and ask if that is what he meant. If what he wants and what you want is vastly different and he isn't willing to compromise, then there is no hope for the relationship and you can continue to put your walls back up. bUT it would be a mistake to wall up your heart if you've only misunderstood him in everything he's said and done, even if he's really bad with words and expressing himself badly being his only crime.
Lastly theres lots of fear and no self confidence in this last piece:
I don't want to put any stress on the relationship. I'm constantly scared that he's going to break up with me at any given moment and that I'm going to have done things with him that I shouldn't have. I'm afraid I'm going to be the stupid naive girl that he's going to talk bad about if we break up and I'm scared that he doesn't care as much for me as I do for him.
You mention afraid, scared and afraid and then go on to predict what you think he'll be doing and saying about you as in: breaking up with you, he'll talk bad about you, that you were naive and stupid, that he doesn't care about you as much as you do for him...
That is all examples of distorted thinking, imagining the worst. Either that or your have great intuition and some psychic skills and are able to see what is coming in the future.
right now, I believe you don't have enough to go on to make any asumptions on the relationship. What you need is to lose your fear of speaking up. If a guy can leave you so easily for voicing your concerns or asking to clarifications, then he's not a nice guy, he's a jerk and he may not have mucyh interest in you. If expecting him to be in love this early on, well yes...its possible but not all fall in love this quick. However a mature stable person doesnt act in the ways you fear that he may do. Its more fear in you that is the issue here. If you wish to get anywhere in this or future relationships, you'll need to get some help with the distorted thinking...something all people do, however we do it in different amounts, seldom up to very often. When its very often, it begins to interfere with how one progresses with their life and in relationships. If you agree this may in part be an issue for you, let me know and i'll share about a therapy for that. I may be wrong, but it seems theres low self confidence on your part and that will cause you to do the things you are doing, afraid to have equal say and be an equal partner in the relationship, maybe due to seeing the parents have a rocky relationship or other people you know close enough to know these details. You fear being alone. If you believe that having a partner makes you whole, its going to be nothing but trouble your life until you learn how it takes two complete whole people who don't need to lean on each other but choose to be together because they have more joy experiencing life together. That is how it is for my 2nd husband and I. That is what i wish for you but you aren't anywhere near it right now.
Dating is for learning what you like and don't like in a person, dating isn't for being in a serious relationship cus you Need the other person. Once a couple has really gotten to know each other well enough thru dating, then its time to either break up or make commitments to be a couple forever with or without a marriage license. Dating and established relationships do not equal the same thing. Dating is only the exploring phase for two people. So if you have trouble navigating the exploring phase, you need to get some books and start studying about all aspects of a male/female relationship so you can be ready at some point to go about dating with confidence to seek out the one who will become your life mate.
Okay so I'm a girl in Grade 12. I've had a crush on the same guy (let's call him K) since the middle of my first semester of high school. It is now my last semester of high school, and I haven't done anything about my crush on K. This is also the first semester in all of high school that I don't have a single class with K.
Any time K talks to me, it basically makes my day. However, most of those talks happened in classes we had together. When I don't talk to him for like a week, I start to feel sad, like I need to talk to him again. It's not like K is the only thing that will make me happy, it's just that when I think about him, I am much happier if I have talked to him recently. What I'm asking for here is ways to get more conversations with him and maybe extend our relationship past short conversations in class....
The following information is just some background/situational stuff that might be helpful...
I only know one class that he has.
I am in the school choir with him (I might possibly have time to talk to him before/after practice, but definitely not during...)
I have a spare period, and during that period K has a class that often involves sitting in the hallway talking in groups. I often walk around the hallway loop of our school during that period, and sometimes he sees me and smiles. Once or twice he has said hi or started a conversation.
My friends don’t know about my crush, but they do know K, and we are all sort of casual acquaintances with him
I am sort of friends with some of the people he hangs around with
I don’t have a phone or Facebook or any social media for casual electronic contact
I’m really shy, and I tend to get super awkward around K
You are the age I was when I finally got sick and tired of being so shy and what I did cured me and I became more outgoing and found I could easily talk to strangers let alone classmates I knew. So I changed midway through my last year of High school.
Its up to you Hon. It all depends on how much you want to change in general and not only to be able to talk to your crush but to improve your life in general. You are soon to become 18 and legally an adult. No matter whether going off to college or starting to work, you can use the skills of being able to converse and communicate well with all sorts of people, not take things seriously, not let negative scenerios playing out in your mind stop you from even trying, etc etc.....
We all get a bit nervous at first when the person we'd like to talk to is so important to us that it goes well, and they respond positively.
If this guy already likes talking to you, thats a good start. Guys don't bother with chatting with girls that they aren't interested in at all. So theres at least a friend interest or a romantic one and you won't find out if you can not ask if he'd like to hang out together sometime and thens your chance to tell him there's only the home phone to get a hold of you by, just like when I was young and that didnt prevent anyone from getting a hold of me. Trade numbers and of course you'd have to talk cus there'd be no texting and hon, thats a plus for possible relationships cus more of communication is made up of the sound of the voice, facial expressions and body language. The spoken words is the smallest part and most kids today have trouble with talking to anyone because due to relying only on texting, they have never learned or lost that skill if they had it. So you are ahead of others in that are, just needing to get past your shyness. I wish you well.