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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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its it possible for a woman to get pregnant a day to her period? pls I need an advise
Yes, it is a slight possibility to become pregnant. (Of course I am assuming no condoms or other birth control was used) It depends on when she is/was ovuIating. Most don't watch for signs of when they ovulate, only watching their periods. So using a calendar date of when a period is predicted to take place isn't the best way to stay clear of accidental pregnancies. If no protection was used and it is still a couple days after the fact, she could still take the morning after pill, Plan B, found at pharmacies. Or take a pregnancy test to know for sure.
Periods times can vary and change due to illness or stress, coming later. Also periods are not on a predictable schedule yet for younger females barely out of puberty because the body is still getting used to the new changes and it will become regular over time. However it can occur twice a month or once every couple of months and be shorter or longer in duration. I experienced that as a teen. Then also on the other end, at menopause, ones body goes through the same thing as the hormone levels drop and the period becomes unpredictable until the day it finally stops for good.
Lastly, another reason not to count on periods to avoid pregnancies is that the female body when around other females with periods will change by beginning earlier or later to be in sync, occuring at the same time as the females one spends most their time around. This is something we have no control over and will happen a females entire life, whether its Mom and sis, school mates or co workers. Most women dont go talking about their periods with others but in all my years at work, women brought a stash of pads to work to have just in case for a period starting earleir than expected and someone would be asking to have a couple for the day and all of a sudden, every single gal in our dept. was stating, wow...I'm on my period too.
Hey there
Me: 20/F
Boyfriend: 22/M
My boyfriend and I have been publicly and officially "together" for about six months, and have been "exclusive" for much longer (God I hate our generation). Though I have had three boyfriends in the past and my current boyfriend is the third man that I have slept with, my current boyfriend is my first love. I thought I was in love with the ones before him but what I have learned this year is there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. I never understood "butterflies" or that overwhelming "I think I'm gonna explode with emotion" feeling you get when you're with your significant other. I always thought I just wasn't wired that way, until him. I have never cared so deeply for a person. Truly cared. Wanted to know everything about them and understand them on the most intimate level. Intimacy, passion, I have never experienced that before.
I have also never experienced fear like this. Finally finding a person who makes me feel this way scares the living hell out of me. I am constantly terrified that I will lose it. And I know I shouldn't be. But my boyfriend has a past (I know, I know, don't we all). He has never been with a girl like he is with me. Never committed completely. His longest relationship prior was two months and he also told me that I am the first girl he has loved. His friends all told me when we got together that they have never seen him so happy and so into a girl. He's a college frat boy, he had his wild phase and I wouldn't change anything about his past because it made him who he and I love him. And he has done nothing to make me feel insecure in our relationship. Being the heartbreaker that he was there are more than a few women that still carry a flame for him. And he's shown me the midnight calls and the drunk texts they send, he told me he doesn't want to hide anything from me and that he wants me to see that they all go unanswered or, that he's set them straight (explained that he is in a relationship). And he talks about the future with me. How he wants to marry me and that he has prayed to find a girl like me. So what is wrong with me that I still don't trust him?
I know I've had my fair share of being played, cheated, and lied to. But I hate when people pull the "trust issues" card. We all have trust issues. Everyone on this planet has been screwed over at least once. He deserves my trust but I somehow can't give it to him. I have this constant fear deep in my belly that he will leave me. That one day my annoying quirks will be too annoying. He will have had too much. And I take my insecurity out on him. I accuse him of things that I know he hasn't done. I become clingy. I hate myself when I act like that. And I know that its awful behavior and that if I keep it up he SHOULD leave me. I just don't know what to do. We've had many conversations about my inability to trust and he knows how I feel he just doesn't know what else he can do. And I don't think there is anything he CAN do. He is a great guy and has been nothing but incredible to me.
I feel like a crazy person. I want it stop. Help.
From what you describe him as, sounds like my current and 2nd husband. And I know the difference too of being in love, and yes he has a past too and like your guy, hides nothing from me. If the girl is in love but the man just loves and isn't in love, that depth of intimacy with her, then yes, there is a possibility for her to feel a lack of trust...not because he's done anything wrong, but because you are worried that someone better may come along in the future and replace you. I know about that feeling. I think all woman at some point will feel it. Its what you do with it that should make the difference for you. Right now, it sounds like when such a thought comes, you dwell on it and won't let it go. That only feeds and strengthens that thought, a distorted one albeit and so your situation gets worse. I used to have severe anxiety and recently have come across info that talks about distorted thoughts, they are at the bottom of all our anxieties, fears and inabilities to trust, and more. Yet a good many humans engage in distorted thinking at times. And yes, I still catch myself doing it, and guess what? Distorted thinking has never been positive in my experience, its always very negative thinking. Lots of us do not dwell on the thoughts, ignore them and I suppose that works to some extent cus lots of people get by without it interfering with their life.
The best way to cure it if you find you can't on your own is to see a counselor who is trained in CBT cognitive behavioral therapy. They can help you get at the root of what caused this insecurity, something in your past, parents relationship or other couples woes you've witnessed.??
To work on it first yourself, everytime you have a negative thought, feeling jealous, worried he could find someone better, attack that thought back with positive ones.
This is what I still do. Hon... I am getting older, silver hairs mixed in and more and more wrinkles...and to be truthful, there will always be a gal in society I can point to and think, she looks better than me. But the way I offset those thoughts is by counteracting by dwelling on the truths I know from experience. What I share now that I use, I want you to think upon too. Even when I am not dressed up, or looking my best, have I caught my man looking at me with passion in his eyes? Maybe not to make love right then cus its not convenient or theres chores or appts. but its that look that says, I can hardly wait to get you out of your clothes. Does my man like the way I look as I get older? I dont have to fish for compliments, he is consistantly telling me what he likes about me and it ranges from looks to character traits. So I hear him say, Honey, you know I love your hair right? So many women your age color theirs. Please don't ever do that cus I love the silver and it actually looks good on you and you still look sexy. Or, Honey I am so glad I met you. I still wonder what I did to deserve you. Just watching your nurturing strengths come out while visiting the kids or grandkids makes me feel like I am falling in love with you all over again.
Its not every day but theres no week that doesnt go by where I've not seen or heard something encouraging from him a couple times.
Is it possible that you need to hear more from your guy? It could be. He sounds willing to do whatever he can. You may be young and pretty now but I guarantee you'll need to hear the compliments even more after having kids and also as you grow older. So if he's willing to do this, its a lifetime commitment of complimenting, being open and sharing what he appreciates about you, the way he looks at you, holds you or even his slight touches in public that convey how much he is in love with you. But you
ecome consciously aware of them cus you'll need to use them to replace your feelings of distrust or jealousy which as you already know is a fear of loss, of losing him to some other woman.
Lets get real honest here...we don't like the idea of our man going elsewhere for love and sex.
Lets takes sex first: all women have breasts and a vagina, the needed equipment for sex. SO what have you got that is better than another? Nothing, cus theres really no such thing as better on this subject, only different. Different body types, differing shapes and sizes of boobs and nipples and same for vagina's and penis's. So if size doesnt make sex better, what is it you have that he likes so much better than any other woman? Its probably a matter of personal preference as far as the looks of your nude body. I've heard plenty from my guy that as a teen already, in his mind was an image of exactly as I look. And though he's called himself the male slut-puppy in his younger days, and he's had many relationships with women, none of them ever looked like the image in his mind that was his ultimate ideal according to his tastes, until he met me and was delighted to find I had the body type he'd always dreamed of.
but certain personality qualities. He was always drawn to older women for things like maturity,their maternal and nurturing instincts, self confidence and such and spirituality and being intelligent, etc. not that younger women cant have some of those qualities but to his tatstles it was more often found and more special to him in females older than him. I'm only older by one year.. LOL but its a combo of my having the looks that he personally as a male craves and finds sexy at any age, and whom I am on the inside and that is hard to duplicate.
Too many females focus only on who they are on the outside and yeah, lots of young men do too. At some point, most will wise up, after playing around for a while. YOur guy is still young so he learned what is important to him much sooner than a good majority of young men of the current generation. Have a talk with him and get him talking about what it is about you that makes you so special that he can't even dream of ever enjoying another woman. Get him to feel free to update you as he sees something he likes in you, compliments, being supportive in this way and you do your part replacing your distorted feelings of fears of loss with stating the true situation in your head or out loud to yourself each time and soon you should be fine. If not, seek out a psychologist who treats with the CBT method.
My mother is a bipolar just like the subject says and I'm actually tired of her shouting at us whenever she feels like it then calm down like nothing happened like she don't mind us getting hurt emotionally because of what she does to us.
We told her that she may have bipolar disorder and it's probably better if she consults a specialist but she says no because it's like telling her she's crazy and won't listen to us and she gets mad us again and calm down then get mad at us it'd a tiring cycle and I'm starting to hate her...... sometimes I'm so sick of her getting angry randomly I sometimes think of killing her for peace sake... and shenever she gets angry at me furiously for petty reasons like the delivery man takes too long and she's hungry and she takes it out on me like I'm the delivery man... yells at me and tells me that she can kill me because she raised me... I really love to see her dying face when she does that to me. I bear a super big grudge on her i don't wanna call her my mother. I'm still studying I don't know what to do... I have a sister who is younger than me there's only the three of us.. I tried to understand her but I'm breaking down.. help me
Tell me what i should do... . I'm from the philippines
In the US there is an agency who acts as advocates for children who may be abused by parents. The idea is not to get the parents in trouble but to protect the children and get the help for the adults that the parent needs. A parent wont listen to their own kids but it usually takes more incentive. In the case of CPS, child protection services, if they remove children from a home where they have documented proof of neglect or abuse, they will put the kids in foster care and let the parent know they can get the kids back if they go through treatment successfully. Thats usually the incentive for a parent to willingly want to get help. I don't know what agencys there are in your country. If your school has counselors or at least a school nurse, I'd start asking there. Or you could probably ask the leader/pastor of what ever religious group your family goes to, or even talk to your friends Moms asking if they could help you find out who/what agency to turn to for help.
If the verbal abuse is affecting your life, your studies, that should be enough to get someone to look into it on your behalf. the trick is to finding out who that contact person(s) is.
OK so we decided to go to the movies would dressing up be a give away or should I go casual so mom doesn't suspect anything?
I guess it depends on what dressing up is for you. If you always wear tee and jeans and all of a sudden want to wear heels, stockings and a Sunday dress, yeah it would be an obvious difference from usual and would snag Moms attention, at least wanting to know why. And without a plausible explanation. THE more uncomfortable or guilty you act, the more suspicious she'd be the something is up even tho I don't see her guessing what.
Now if you recently got something pretty and new to your wardrobe, its natural for females to want to have somewhere to go to wear a new top or dress or shoes.
Although, let me tell you that teens your age tend to like to dress up, especially in ways to show off their new found curves. My girls all did it by raiding my closet (with permission) cus I had lots of cute dresses as I went out dancing often. Most girls go to stores and take lots of stuff into the dressing room where they and friends pose and take photos of themselves. So if you haven't done that sort of thing yet, its actually quite common, in case you were to start doing that.
It might work to get Mom in on the dressing up to go out part, 'as something teen girls do'. I can't see how your mother would put two and two together and equate dressing up with the two of you dating each other. Dress in an outfit and go ask Mom how you look. It'll work even better having your friend there too trying on some of your stuff. ANd both asking your Mom how you look. And let her know you're trying to decide what you both will wear when you go to the movies. Lots of girls dress up when away from school and you don't want to be caught out wearing just your regular clothes. Maybe just ask to borrow a necklace of hers or a pair of shoes if you like them and they might fit, you have to like it or dont ask to borrow sommething.
To be honest, the more often your Mom gets to see your girlfriend doing regular activities teens do, it'll be more believeable that you both are just friends.
So, I'm in 7th grade and my crush is always staring at me but he's popular so he talks to other girls but lately he hasn't been flirting with them. Does that mean he likes me?
ONe indication of interest is staring at the person whom one has interest in. He must find you attractive or he wouldn't be looking. Do you find yourself staring often at the guys you do not find cute or hot? Guys wont waste their time that way for same reason.
So he's interested. Its easier to talk to or flirt with people who really don't matter cus they arent the one you have interest in. So just because he has talked to others in the past means nothing.
He is most likely shy and nervouse about approaching you and messing things up, his mind going blank or stuttering or something wild and out of the blue like that. Yes, that happens, even with adults especially when you've found someone you really don't want to do something stupid and say the wrong thing or scare them away. So I would encourage you to smile at him and say hi if you arent already doing that. After a few days of that, walk up to him and ask him a question that he can't answer yes or no to or due to shyness, the convo may end there. You could ask him how he's doing in a certain class, what he thinks of a certain teacher and if it starts to feel awkward, to save this attempt to reach out to him, the best thing you can do is let him know you're just as nervous. And tell him you're having trouble thinking of things to say. You have stared at him probably as much as he's started at you so you figured it was time to talk and see if you both had any things in common.
If you admit to being nervous or scared, it makes you more human, just like him and he's more likely to begin to feel more comfortable and enjoy talking. At the end, let him know you enjoyed your little convo and would like to do so more often. Trade phone numbers, but please dont make texting your only way of communicating with him or the budding friendship can quickly go stale. Good luck!
Do I need to talk to my friend before hand?
If this is about the homophobic Mom, I'd say yes....cus your friend needs to know to play the part of just a girl friend, not your date. Just be honest and let her know how your Mom feels and you dont want to rock the boat and cause troubles. Its not that you are embarassed about her but as a teen under 18, you only have the leeway of rights and decisions that your parents allow as they attempt to raise you to the best of their knowledge. Once 18, thats another story of how to deal with family and coming out if you still feel the same.
There's this boy in my class that I used to date, I broke up with him, but I think I might still love him. Its been a few months, so I thought he would pass, but he didn't. I want to date him, but I don't at the same time, and I dont know what to think anymore. I thought about talking to him about it, but I can't talk to people, somebody had to help me break up with him, because I had a panic attack when I was trying to tell him. It kind of seems selfisj to be that I want to date him, but I don't at the same time. Should I try to forget about him, or something else? I'm just so confused!
I do not know why you broke up and that would be another subject...whether he is good for you or not and whether you are good for him or not.
I will just assume that you broke up for good reasons and do not want at all to get back together. If this is the case, I want you to know its not weird but very common to have feelings and emotions with him. Your feeling love when the relationship is over and you do not under any circumstance want to get back together is caused often by something called a cord of attachment.
A cord of attachment is formed when you become interested in another person. You have some energetic investment or interest in the relationship, whether that’s positive or negative. The relationships in which cords of attachment form tend to have energy behind them. This energy is easily formed when you have feelings while in the relationship and so, the feeling of love can remain and its also hard to forget thinking about someone you once used to be with if this 'invisible' cord is still there. I know it may sound like something from fairy tales, and not make sense, but what have you to lose by closing your eyes and imagining a cord attached to you with the other end attached to him. If you really want to get over him and there isn't anything redeemable about the relationship, then imagine cutting that cord with a pair of scissors knowing that when you honestly do that, wanting to really cut the connection, what you imagine with the mind will happen in reality...thats how powerful the imagination is.
If this isn't about getting over him but being sure that it was a healthy relationship and how to get back into it, well hon, thats another very specific question you'd have to ask of us. Good luck.
I asked my guy friend to buy me a candy bar and he says " oh, ill buy you a candy bar alright" and smirked at me.....
It likely didn't mean anything at all and he was only hoping you'd think so. I'll bet if you asked him what he meant by that, either he wouldn't have an explanation or his explanation would be pretty hokey. Guys like to have fun with innuendo's, turning lots of ordinary sayings or words into sexual meanings and the closest I can think of guys refering to their penis as a sweet is 'lollipop' but I havent heard of candy bar so it could be a very new slang just from your generation.
I was given a very large bouquet of flowers in a pot with floral foam. How do I maintain these flowers? How do I water them? Do I replace the foam with soil?
Flowers in a bouquet with the foam block won't have roots so planting them in soil won't help them last. There are only certain plants if treated with a rooting promoter and a fresh cut at the end, can sprout roots if placed in soil but it can take a long time. There is a flower food powder you c an add to water either in the container it came in or another to help cut flowers last as long as possible. Keep them cool and out of direct sunlight. The foam is more for the artistic help, so heavier flowers don't droop off edge of container but will stay where artfully placed. The foam has nothing to do with helping cut flowers live. But if the cut ends don't go all the way to end of foam or the foam doesnt absorb water well, they can wilt sooner without ease of getting to the water.
Female 14
I have a date Friday night but my problem is that my date is with another girl and my mom is very homophobic and this is my first date with someone of the same sex. How do I go about asking my mom for permission to go on the date without her flipping out?
Should I just act like the girl is just a friend?
Knowing what you do about Mom, its best to play it as this girl is just a friend. Her own Mom grew up in a time when girls had girlfriends and no one wondered if the two were gay so if you let her know that you really want to go out and do something with your girlfriend, it should be fine. I went bowling or to movies with girl friends. My daughter went to dances with their female friends, all who were straight but had no guy ask them to the school dances. So it is common still for two girls to go out together. To cement in that she is a friend, have her come visit, but do not attempt to show any signs of affection that could be taken wrong if Mom should see. Once you are 18, you can do as you like and it will no longer matter if Mom approves or not.
Hi I'm 15 and I want to wear makeup just so I can have fun with the lip colors but my parents won't let me wear makeup. So I was thinking since all I want to wear is lip colors maybe my parents would let me just wear lip colors. But I've never seen anyone just wear a bold lip without putting on everything else. What do you think? Is that normal? Or would it be a cute new trend?
I have not seen any females wearing lipcolor without doing the eyes. But there are plenty who will wear eye makeup without doing the lips.
The art of wearing makeup should be to help make your features more noticeable, pop out so to speak but not to make the makeup more noticeable than your features. Perhaps thats what the parents are concerned about or perhapas they feel it might attract the wrong attention from males which you're gonna get, makeup or not, its just the way males are.
What I think might be fun is for you and Mom to arrange to have makeup done professionally with asking yours be minimal and see how Mom reacts to the look of you with makeup.
I have found that having older skin, eye shadow just doesnt look good anymore and my husband likes the natural look. However my brows have thinned and are fading and I wanted to have some eyebrows. SO I tried just that and mascara and nothing else. It makes my eyes pop without me looking like a painted clown as some older women do and enough of the young gals too. SO just have a good talk with the parents and act adult like not whiney. If its still no, they may allow you to wear makeup sooner than they had in their minds simply because you prove yourself to be honest, trustworth, not sneak behind their back to wear it, and may grant you permission to wear it sooner if you're acting mature about it. Good luck.
Hi there,and thank you again for the advice!Yes,me and my guy have seen each other about 6 times since I moved here over 2 months ago,and live abut 25 minutes away...
Anyways,as I mentioned,one thing that peeves me,is his weekly visits to his favorite porn stars' page,I know this because her photos show up on my feed and it states he liked her photos,Im trying to understand this fascination he has with her,always leaving her comments,I mean,give me a break,he is not in touch with reality.But he wont stop.
On top is him looking at other women,most of them are models,so you get the idea what type of photos they are,of course,they are al beautiful,and have the most perfect bodies,and hair and smile.and using Tinder,that dating APP.He doesnt know that I know he has Tinder,because I found out on a few comments he left some girls,that he found them on Tinder.To me going around,and calling girls damn sexy,cute,wow,good lord help me,doesnt seem okay,yes,he can call them call them pretty,men will look,I understand,but he has crossed some borders,and a few times,his comments have been deleted. Commenting here and their or their big buts,side boobs,watever.With all this going on you wouldnt think he is involved at all with anyone you know? And then another bottom thing,is he has to like every single photo his ex girlfriend posts,they still follow each other,shes getting married first week of June.I have no idea why he is still lingering around.Ridiculous. This guy,I mentioned to you,was the guy I met when I was 12 at church,and I moved about 10 years ago to Idaho and moved back,partly was for him.I actually used to live where I am living now,so it wasnt a new place,or state I was moving too,so I know my way around,and have family and friends here.
I'm very unhappy and dissapointed with all this,he doesnt mind taking me to bed(We have not had sex,but still intimate)but whoa.....No,no comittment,or asked to be the girlfriend,after he promised,and especially because he kept pressing he needed to have me there with him.
Cant say I'm dissapointed,cant say much.
Obviously,he has a 'problem' that he has some type of dysfuntion with life if he cant ''look around'' everyday. T be honest,it hurts me,it hurts me alot,they will be at least 3 or 4 days we dont talk,but the are photos of his porn star showing up on my feed. For awhile,about 6 weeks,we didnt see each other once,because the cost of gas of him was too much,but told me,if you wanna come on over(Take bart or bus) then come,he threw it oneHe throws whatever he can to excuse myself.It seems to me that he is still imatare and wants the woman to do it all,it wasnt enough to move 3 states away from my family to be here,not even,give me a break.I know it sounds like Im almost giving myself this advice,but I want to cut my ties with him,and walk out.Part of me knows he is waiting for someone just a little better,he is dreaming if he thinks a woman better than me will put up his bulshit. On top of that,any man is dreaming if she allows this crap to happen and look the other way,thats being a rug,and shows excuses and shows that his behavoior is acceptable.I dont find it okay,nor acceptable to be anyways. Thank you again for the advice,I apreciate it so much!!
His interest in females in skin deep and as shallow as seeing them as no more than sex objects.
I understand you met a few times AFTER you moved, but I guess I didnt know if you knew him back from where you came from, like he lived there and moved for a job? If so, I would think there'd have been some signs already then that he is this way. Its really hard for a guy to hide this if this is the way he is.
The site i gave in last email may sound silly but the visualization of cuttng the cords, ties to such a person is more important than you would think.
See, with my school of hard knocks learning of how to tell when a person is sincere and be able to read them well and see any warning signs, if I had been a fly on the wall, listening in on your communications with him, watching body language, facial expressions, tone of voice maybe, certain actions, I may have a better idea of why you didn't see this problem until you moved. Not having been there, all I can say is that life is a hard teacher, almost feels like a mean teacher with a vendetta against me at times, but the knowledge I have gained from going thru hard things has helped me to avoid a similar situation the next time. So learn to go with your gut feeling. If something or someone sounds too good to be true, then it likely isn't true, listen to your womans intuition, when bombarded with pressure to make a decision quickly or on the spot, its likely cus its not going to be in your best interest...thus him saying he needed to have you there with him was a constant buzz in your ear. Also learn to not take words at face value or how you would interpret them or what you hope they mean. That can get you in hot water faster than anything. My ex, when dating me, said and did things that were all sorts of red flags, even some friends laughed but told him he better not say or do those things any more cus its not right. But I was too naive and didn't see the problems looming. It wasn't until I got married to him at 20, in a handful of months, he stopped treating me nicely the honeymoon was over and I was being treated worse than he treated his friends, and verbally abused.
Life is a learning experience hon, and you need to learn from yours or else the next guy will be the same as this one or even worse. I wish you the best.
Hi, I want to write on wattpad. But my writing skills are not the best. Also, I have so many book ideas but when I try to write them my first chapter is always super short. Then after that chapter I don't know where to go with the story and it just stays in my drafts. I have so many ideas but I have no idea what to do with them. Can someone help me!?
I started writing as a kid but back then, I too had short chapters because I couldn't wait to get to the drama and action parts of the story line. I didn't have the patience to take time to put in all the supportive descriptive parts of what the character looked like, was thinking, saying, or descriptions of how they felt, or the settings.
To get a better idea of the kind of writing that is descriptive, carry a notepad with you for a day, of whatever you want to use to record all you see, think, feel and do. Like if riding the bus and some homeless person sits next to you, the experience ...write it down. How does it make you feel? Does it ruin your morning or make you wonder what other nasty surprises are in store for your day? These kinds of thoughts make a story character become more like a real life person. Describe how the person was dressed. And did they smell bad. You must have some thoughts or reactions to that too. If it was really offensive, did you shrink against the window away form the person, did you contemplate covering your nose with some cloth due to the smell, did you feel prompted to give them a little money to brighten their day? All of this fills in a story well and what your character says can be nice and pleasant, to mean and sarcastic, or it can be funny like when there is double meaning to the words depending on the current situation. I read a couple of paragraphs of one of my stories to a retired school English teacher. I was surprised when she actually began laughing and stopped reading to look up and find what she was laughing at and asked. She said the story so far was funny but very interesting too.
When you have a day full of thoughts, and descriptions of what you saw from the state of the carpet at school or the office to what your friend was wearing and how it made them look, then you have a good example of how to write to beef out your chapters. At least, it works for me.
Hi Dragonfly,thank you in advance for your advice and wisdom as you have answered me before,God Bless.
Alot to say here,but will start with this,I have a somewhat sweetheart and for as long as I have know,has an obsession with a porn star,I feel.He's always visiting her Instagram,always leaving her comments,always trying to make her feel better,something he has never done for me,yet with this one,it seems frequent,he'll go back and like photos from 2 years ago,etc.likes her Facebook,its goes on and on,is he obsessed? or this normal? My complaint is that his ideas of this woman are unrealistic,and obviously he wont go to bed with her,but he doesnt care.He also watches porn quite heavily
He also leaves comments all the time for other girls,calling them sexy,beautiful,wow this,wow that,it goes on and on
Ive been dissapointed with him for quite some time,as I moved out of state to be with with him,Im very let down,because he still hasnt asked me to be girlfriend,I've seen him for a 5 times in the last 2 months,even though he's just 25 minutes away. He also when I got here though it was a good idea,to go on a date with some woman just a few days after moving here,as he recorded this on his Snapchat,and on top of that he admitted he did go on a date after I confronted him. We have of course talked and kept in touch.
To top this all off,he uses the dating APP Tinder,and what he does is look at profiles and looks them up on Instagram and follows them,I could go on about him.
I dont want to make it sound like I'm complaining,but is this is NOT OKAY with me.Not okay to accept this behavior from someone who is making life plans with you. I think maybe he does have a problem,I know that men will look at women,I get them,but he goes a little above and beyond.Its not my place to judge whether he watches porn or not,I myself,am against it,as it teaches nothing about love,and looses touch with what sex truly means,as I feel is the ultimate expression of love and affection for someone else,not because people do it on camera for money and never see each other again.Anyways,back to him,its quite obvious he wont change,and he'll only get worse.... So how do I stop all this from bothering me,and then let him go,I men honestly,does he really sound like man anyone would want to spend the rest of their lives with?
I worked so hard to move here,I got a job,getting another job and am trying so hard to make ends me,whil he jacks off to porn,plays video games,lives with his parents,and as of current has no car...it goes on.Im more mature and established,and I try to make value of m life. I feel we are just so opposite,and I cant tel you how much Ive cried or how his obsession of his whore has hurt me,how he is always looking around behind my back,Im hurting,and want to know what to do,it isnt fair,and if I say anything,its my fault,Im the one who has the problem and is jealous.It's not my fault he lusts after other women? Thats my problem? No it isnt!
What do I do? How do I handle this? Please,thank you!
Hi Hon.
It warms my heart to know I've been able to help you before. Hopefully I can again.
I am sorry to hear about the situation you find yourself in. I might have something that will help you come free of thoughts and any other ties to him and heal and I'll share that at the end. I don't know enough details like whether you knew him in person before it became an LDR or how long but it is too easy for people with things to hide to do so when in an LDR. Unfortunately, it is one of those things that is hard to listen to others about to avoid what you're going through, you just have to experience and learn and grow from it. Here's something a person could learn from this.
Be extremely cautious when comtemplating a major life decision like where to live, what job you take and whom you get into relationship with. You did all 3 at once which is a big ball of wax which is dangerous enough in itself if it doesn't work out and you might be wondering about your ability to make good decisions. Even wise people can be fooled but not for long. thats why its important for a person to be able to prove themselves to you face to face as long as you need, before making the kind of decisions you did. Some things like researching a city online to see what the general pay is housing cost/rent average, climate averages, etc... is important and researching a company before taking a job there. But there are unforeseen things like what the coworkers or boss treats you like that can make, what size place you can afford to live in and the condition of the place that are hard to know ahead of time. If it doesnt work out, we can switch jobs and find another place to live. Thats a whole lot easier and you can easily forget about nasty co-workers or a dingy old place once you've moved on, because you have something better. The part about seeking 'someone' better is good too, but its hard to forget the person who didn't turn out. It's important to learn from each choice we make that didn't turn out good so that we can easily avoid falling into the same trap again in the future, not settling for less with the next guy.
And that is a big thing....I can't warn you on all the things to look for but you are a wise young woman so you have that on your side. However even the smart strong women can for a while be fooled by someone with an agenda /or who lives to enjoy life for what gratification they can get, without considering how to give back to the earth, to society or to a partner. What I learned is that it takes great energy to keep up a false facade for long so eventually a persons true self begins to show through the cracks. I am glad you saw it now. Usually the fastest you see the true self show is after the date or 5, 6 months. And that even is extreme. If one sees the another many times a week rather than once or twice a month (in person) then its much sooner you see their true self and can decide if thats for you or not.
The things you say dear of how you look at a sexual relationship, or at mens tendency to look at women show you are very intelligent. I dont have to share much, just that you're on the right track. Yes, men can look at other women, and though personal taste comes into it, it is to me the same as looking at a beautiful scenic vista, we all have our own sense of what is beautiful to us. And since men are visually oriented, they look. But I can tell you this, since finding my second husband, I know that when a man is 'in love' with you, that changes everything so much. They may look at other women, but it is not with a feeling of sexual desire for them because, the guy has you and you both fulfill each others needs quite well. The only difference between two people might be their libido's not matching. I made sure that this time, My having a high libido, that I found a man with one as well...this is all about how often one wants and desires and engages in sexual pleasure of some sort, with a partner or masturbation. My ex didn't require it often. This is a major issue for couples and one to discuss at the beginning of a dating relationship as I did the 2nd time around. Yes, I put it all out there and discussed with men interested in me at first face to face meetup what my boundaries were, what I was looking for and how I wouldn't settle for less. It is quite important to know if someone is thinking of dating
just for having a partner for social events, or to find a friend with benefits but no commitments, or whether one is obsessed with sex and gathering a harem for themselves, or looking for one woman to be his mate, his Goddess...meaning he had great respect for females and their abilities and seeks an equal partnership or defers to her wishes when there is a need to compromise, unlike many couples were the male takes the lead. I have run across a few examples of men who refer to all females as Goddesses, since finding my guy, so I know they are out there.
Okay, to stop this tie between you and him which is why you wrote, heres what a blogger has to say about it, its called A cord of attachment and is formed when you become interested in another person. You have some energetic investment or interest in the relationship, whether that’s positive or negative. The relationships in which cords of attachment form tend to have energy behind them. And this energy is what can connect the two. I believe its stronger when there is a sexual side to the relationship as women form these ties quickly then due to the emotions and feelings of sex. Heres a link to her blog that will explain what must be done. So...did I ever do this with my ex? Yes, and it was 5 months before I left him, during a meditation where an Angel appeared to me and told me I needed to decide now whether I would cut my tie to him and I saw scissors and a cord that went from my solar plexus/stomach area to the husbands. I was told, once I cut it, there was no going back because for me, I needed to move on in life and a cord like this can be reestablished if the energy is put into it. Last time with him in public, at daughters wedding, he sought me out during reception to stand by me and try to put his arm around me and appear to be the happy couple to others, but since the ties were cut, I felt nothing of love, romance or hope for him anymore, in fact it felt creepy, him touching me, just like if any stranger on the street put their arm around you uninvited. So heres the link to her blog:
http://annasayce.com/cord-cutting-a-spiritual-technology-that-changed-my-life/
Let me know how it works for you. SO if you like the city and you like the job, stay, just don't stay with him. He doesnt know how nor seem to want to commit. He's playing with women. They are his sex toys. and YOu don't want that kind of man. If you want to talk more about what steps to go through on finding the right kind of guys to choose from, I have more to share on just that.
Question Posted Tuesday October 4 2011, 1:28 pm
i do not know how to start this but appology for this long statement. i couldn't analyze these things anymore... let me start it this way, i am married for almost two years now and i love my husband. recently, i work with this lady and i find her very attractive. the thing is i don't know if she's gay or not and sending me mixed signals. i find her going on her way just to be around me or something, used to flirt with me before (i've seen her before i worked with her), stares at me when am not looking, used to stare at me when i was talking (before) and seems to be jealous when i talk to another men (like in a friendly way, not flirty). MOST IMPORTANTLY, i wonder so much why does our coworkers watches us whenever we are around together. they look at us, literally! it seems to me that they are listening to our body language or something. i don't understand... i really don't. since i started working with her i don't remember doing any flirtatious act on her. i never have. the only thing that happened was before i worked with her. like i say 2-3 times. well anyways, all of these happened before until last night... she worked with me directly and asked me bunches of personal questions like how is my husband, where did we met, etc and etc... do i have plans going back home to my country. i said yes i do. but am looking for someone to fly with me so i won't be by myself. she said she would go, she'd love to. then later when i asked her to go out with me and my friends because my other friend is bringing another person ( i don't wanna be out of place) she said yes if i wanted her to go (said yeah i do) and asked if we go to a bar and i said nope we don't do that. we just go out shopping. she said that's cool. i just thought you want me to WORK FOR YOU (what in the world does that mean???). that really got me. i laughed it out though. i asked her number and she gave it to me. later i asked her if she wanna go out watch movie, she said it's up to us. i can see she seemed to be starting in doubt, so when i got off from work i told her she don't have to go if she don't want to and that if something would come up. i even said i really like her and she said oh really? (she said it in a deep low voice) but i didn't told her that in a romantic way. she said she'll let us know and that she's saving her money because she's going to college soon. well anyways the fact is nobody knows am bisexual but i can see that she can sense that (that am bi). well, an hour after i texted her and she seems to be not interested or something...? i asked her questions and she answers it but she's not reciprocating my point on texting her and asking her out. i just wanna know her and be friends. she's very nice in every way. gracious i must say. am attracted to her, i admit that. however, i know where i stand on my ground and i cannot act on it. did she found everything weird? is she losing interest on me or did she even have an interest with me at all?
i honestly don't know what is going on so please please please i need everybody's help here analyzing these situation. am not even understanding my own self. i wanna know what is going on with her and what does she want from me.i
Its a strange world we have when two women can no longer be innocent friends and everyone assumes that overtures of friendship mean someone is gay or bi. The only help for that is to be open and honest early on and speak up. Heres what you might say....
"I may be interpreting this wrong, but when I asked you to hang out with me, it felt like you might have read more into it. So let me clear the air and tell you that though I am married, I am bi but as far as I can tell right now, My interest in you is just as a friend." Then see how she responds to that.
AS for her comment about working for you...I've not heard that as a slang for sex or gay/bi relationships so if you want to know what she means by something she says, you have to ask, right at the time its said. That is a number one reason of people writing for advice here, what did someone mean when they said....... and we dont know them or you, we werent there, so its up to you to learn to ask to clarification.
So basically my sister went to a hair salon and 5 minutes into the hair styling the lady was criticizing my sisters hair and giving her hair tips on how to improve it. My sister didnt take offense to that cause it was just hair tips. then all of a sudden they lady asked my sister how many times a day she showers, she said once but twice if shes out the whole day, the lady said shes a women she needs to be showering twice a day and that starting now as homework she must shower twice a day. So a couple days later the lady calls my dad to speak to my sister my dad was kind of weirded out by it but gave the phone to my sister, the lady asked my sister if shes done the homework she has asked her to do my sister compeletly forgot what it was so the lady reminded her that the homework was to shower twice a day. My sister said she does when shes out the whole day and the women got mad and said no you must shower twice a day. So my mom found out and was pissed she said that, that women was using code to say my sister smelled bad, my dad was denying it saying no she was just giving my sister womanly advice and then my mom got even more mad and said how dare she tell my daughter to shower twice a day and then call her to make sure she is doing that, shes basically telling her she smells!!!. Anyways i was wondering if someone said that to you do you think its code for them telling you that you smell or do they just genuinely feel like giving advice, also if you are a mother or a father how would you feel if a hairstylist said this to your child and then called a couple days later to make sure your child was doing what they said?
I tried following Razhies logic and it made sense until I reread what you said about the woman specifically "the lady said your a women you need to be showering twice a day". That to me is not about hair. If she works with hair and knows her stuff, then the hairdresser would know that washing hair too often can strip the hair of it's natural oils and leave it dry and open to damage. So I don't think it was about hair. That lady had no manners and definately no tact. You don't tell a customer that they need to shower. I can guarantee if it were an adult female, that customer would have called in a complaint to the salon owner, argued with her, cancelled the payment to the salon thru bank, or got up and left the moment that was said. That lady is nosy and controlling. Don't ever go there and tell all your f riends to avoid her.
So she was refering to odor from your sister. Let me say what I think it was about. Your sister if she gets her period now, (you didn't mention age)
could have been on her period or the time just after when there are lingering odors and the bodys natural cleansing system is working to clean itself out. So at any point in time, there can be the odor of period. If you're female, you know what I'm talking about, it can smell like rotting fish, and thats because the moment air hits blood, that makes the blood smell. It can even be so if you shower and change pads often.
No worry about odors if you are in a crowd and people are standing around you because the period odors don't tend to go out from you horizontally.
Because of body heat in contact with the period emissions, heat rises and will take that odor straight up. Thats why when seated, I could smell myself and think, good God, I reek awful, how embarassing. But once I asked Mom or sis if they could detect an odor and they assured me they couldn't, i relaxed.
Think about it. The salon customer sits in a chair and the hair d resser is working right over her, right at head level so she is directly over her so any body heated scents, even of just the bodys cleansing fluids that leave yellowish stuff on panties or liners can have some odor. I am thinking this women may have smelled something that was related to a female thing, not a male so it couldn't be about sweat as both sweat. SHe actually said, you're a woman.... so i am sure it pertained to female scents.
If someone said this to me, I would explain to her what I just told you, that likely she picks up body odors much stronger than most people would because she's directly above the person whose body heat is carrying the odor with it. Its not that a person is dirtier or doesnt wash enough. Sure I would be irritated, most people get angry but I tend to like to teach people, especially if they open their mouth and fumble first. I usually don't give advice unless its asked for but in a circumstance like that, I would say, hey let me give you some advice, and also remind her that she won't have repeat customers if she keeps that up, or if she finds over time shes too sensitive to body odors, then she might want to get into another profession.
If my daughter came back with that report, I would go in person to the salon with daughter if she's comfortable, and ask to speak to the owner as they need to know if someone is not treating customers well as that will kill business for them. If she is the owner, then I would tell her everything I would have said if she's done it to me. The fact that the stylist called your home is going way too far beyond what is appropriate for that kind of business/customer relation and is actually intrusive and rude and not in her job responsibilities. The stylist was clearly out of line. Its not too late for your Mom to go back there and determine if thats an owner or not. If the owner doesnt seem to care, then get on any sites online where you can review a business and also t he Better Business Bureau and write down warnings for other potential future customers.
Your dad, not being female is going to be out of the loop on how such comments can affect females. If lets say the male penis tended to smell like dog poop at least one week each month, then He would have been equally upset if the hair stylist said, "I have to ask, is there anything wrong with your hands, cus you need to shower and clean yourself better, cus frankly, you smell like shit."
My friend told my crush that I like him. What should i do?
Are you afraid of him acting on this info and approaching you? And what do you do then?
If so, you need to decide what you want to do. If you have a crush on him, and he approaches to ask if its true, there's likely a chance he's extremely curious or a little interested in getting to know you better to see if he feels the same romance towards you. If a guy wasn't interested, he probably wouldn't approach to talk about it because that might encourage the girl to think he does like her when he is not interested. So either you admit you have admired him but were too shy to ask him out or you deny it and remain lonely. Let him think it was all a prank your friend played on you by saying that to him when it wasn't true.
Or you could say, I don't know where she got that idea but now that we're talking, I realize that I do have enough interest to want to spend more time hangin out with you to see if we have lots in common. That might be best. You won't feel as embarrassed, not having to admit to a crush and by saying you'd like to hang out with him, thats a sign to him that you are at least a little interested in him and it exudes a trait called confidence which males find attractive in females. If he doesn't approach you at all, then there is nothing you need to do but just act the same as you always have when around him. By acting embarrassed and not being able to meet his eyes or smiling if thats what you always did, then you attract attention for acting different right after she told him and that could confirm to him that it was the truth.
In the long run, I don't think you'd be happy with the story ending of 'never finding out if he might have made a good boyfriend'. You'll wonder the rest of your life, be sad, mad at yourself, feeling like you are your own worst enemy by restricting yourself so much with fear. I know I was self conscious, shy and lacked self confidence as a teen, more so than my peers who struggled with the same. I just had it worse. So I know how scary it is. But when you face your fears, they tend to run away, disappear right as you get into the middle of doing that which you used to fear. Truth be told, lots of guys even if they seem confident on the outside, are really scared to ask a girl out or flirt or show they are interested especially when young, in teens or college. They fear being rejected and sometimes think the girl is so pretty and that they aren't handsome enough so that girl is out of his league and they won't even try. These days, its normal for females to make the first move. I rather prefer that myself as a female. After a divorce, I set my boundaries and met guys and let them know upfront what I was looking for, what was acceptable and the guys seemed to become even more interested in me, cus this comes across as self confidence. If anything comes up later as a repercussion of your friends action and you want to talk about it, let me know. But i can only help better if you can recall pretty acurately what actions were done and what you or your friend or this guy said. Good luck.
I really don't see the point in existing, I'm not suicidal or anything it's just that what is the point of doing anything if eventually the world and universe will somehow not be anything. If I become a doctor I'm helping people but then they die and I die and nobody in the world really cares. Why do I need to be happy if I am going to die in 70 years? This toes into my biggest fear, freedom/ openness. The thought and realisation that I can literally kill somebody or walk out of my house and never come back is terrifying. Can anybody be trusted with this kind of freedom? Any large open space where I can see the horizon freaks the h*** out of me, I will start shaking and get sick. I have no idea what to do besides just keep performing basic human necessities and living up to the expectations society has set.
Well, for one thing, the fear in any large space is a real fear created by your subconscious and it is an anxiety. Anxiety can be treated two ways, one being medicine, the other a counseling and active treatment plan you follow from a Psychologist trained in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy.
I see that as separate from the other part which sounds to me like questioning your existance, as in why do I exist and what is the purpose of life on earth if its so fleeting.
I see things from a spiritual viewpoint so I will share my views. I had these same questions as a teen but I now after enough reading and studying, I have come across info that feels right and true to me, because I feel it inside of me, like my soul saying yes, this is true instead of thats hogwash, I'm not believing it. You have the right to believe what you wish also, as long as it helps you to grow and mature as a soul and not harm others.
So, I bellieve that souls are born into their mortal meat suits which are the vehicle for our experience on this planet. I do believe in reincarnation too but whether you do or not, you can believe you're here for this one chance or many. Earth is the school for souls. And like school students, souls go through different levels of learning and that explains to me why there are people who are so vicious and hurtful and picking fights and doing wrong, and those oblivious or not bothering to think about anything, just muddling thru one day after another and lastly, the people who seem to have found joy, and contentment and purpose in life and are living it with purpose. If GOd is our Father, then all souls are his children. What do earth parents teach their children? Manners, to share, love and care, and often they get that chance with siblings, cousins and eventually in school with classmates and friends. We forget that concept when we become adults and get busy with our jobs, making ends meet in a harsh world with wars, social instability and economic woes. Our focus is drawn away from the very simple truth, that we are Gods children, and we only have two things to get right in life, to learn to acknowledge and love our parents/parent back, and spiritually this equates to a relationship with our Creator, what ever it is we call Him/Her. The other is to love and get along with and help take care of , look after and help teach our siblings, the younger ones too. Spiritually that equates to how we treat every human being whose path we come across...the store clerk, coworkers/boss or classmates/teacher, the homeless person....
Yes God could wave a magic wand and make this harsh world a Garden of Eden again where all our needs are taken care of but then we are done a disservice, not learning for ourselves in that kind of environment. Souls are born on earth for the reason to grow as souls to become more like God, in preparation for living someday on the spiritual plane. Because of what God is like in pureness, its been said no soul can look upon him and live let alone survive in his presense. ITs like expecting an air breathing human to live without aid forever under water or on the sun. In one, we drown, the other, we are burnt to a crisp. Something about the makeup of our souls needs lots of changing and fine tuning to be able to be ready to stay in heaven with God. It is that simple and that complicated. Hope this helps.
I am a student of a renowned university. my first year to be precise.. after a short period, I met a guy in his 3rd year.. to cut the long story short, we started dating..
Later I noticed that he comes to my hostel only on Friday nights, or Saturday.. Anytime we see each other in public, he does like he doesn't know me.. I don't know wat to do because I feel like he is just using me. anytime he comes to my hostel, late at night, he wakes me up while kissing me allover, we make our till dawn at times.. i
he has never acknowledged me as his girlfriend. we do talk at times, but lately it has been about us making out and I don't like it... what can I do to stop all this.. because I don't want my emotions to be toyed with
You need to communicate. if there are things you wont tolerate, like played with, then write down your boundaries and get it clear in your head before you start talking. Any answer he gives that you don't understand, ask him to answer in another way as you dont understand or paraphrase back to him, Is this what you meant. Its not a good sign that he is afraid to acknowledge you. If a guy was really in love with a female, he would want to be showing her off to his family, friends, coworkers, simply cus he feels so special that you would have a guy like him. Making out isn't the only part of a relationship but half.
I'll explain. A good foundation in a healthy relationship is made up in two parts, one being that there is the chemistry for being each others best friend and second the romance and sex chemistry. Some marriages have only one or the other and those relationships suffer or split up eventually. You have to find out whats up with him. If he worries more about what others will think since you are younger, then its your choice to allow him to s tay in your life in whatever way he is willing to be a part of it, or if he isn't in love and thats what you want, then you are settling for less by staying with him.
In the start of our relationship he seemed to be perfect but then i told him about something wrong i did because i felt hidding things will be wrong. I had a boy best friend who was my boyfriend before him but i dated him for one month and was friends with him since two years. One day i was at my best friends house and we got drunk and he kissed me i told him i love my biyfriend and i cant do this. He said i am sorry for everything it is my fault such thing wont happen again. I forgave him. I told my boyfriend about everything and that time he supported me and said its okay but then later on problems started more and he started getting pissed he told me that he hates that i still talk to him and i told him he is my best friend and you wers altight before then later on he forced me to throw him out of my life by beating me and abusing me. I did the same. Later on he started doubting me with every guy and then he started verbally abusing me first called me slut and then hit me again. When i argue with hin that i am not doing anything wrong now he hits me and says you are wrong. He has hit me 20 to 25 times in the 6 month relationship. He is very contolling. I dont talk to any of my friends. I dont go out. I am not allowed to argue. I am taunted always, abused and then beaten up if i share what i feel. He has some major temper issues and he blames me for everything that is happening. He used to beat his ex gfs also as he said they cheated on him and broke his heart. What should i do?
Razhie told you all the right things. But I know from life experience of being in the same kind of situation, being abused by ex husband, that tho the answer is Simple...and you already deep down know it, it just isn't Easy...to carry out.
I think what you may really need is to view your situation from another viewpoint, where you still come to the same conclusion and leave him. But it's to help your mind understand how to follow thru and take the steps to get help and leave him.
In my situation, I can say I was in the abusive situation for the extreme pressure it brought into my life. Most likely you are too. It may sound crazy but looking back, I didn't do my major leaps and jumps in personal growth and maturing and learning until the pressure kept increasing. Its much like a diamond is formed...the most sought after and hardest stone out there. But it didn't become a diamond until some carbon underwent extreme pressure under the earths crust to become that diamond. Life on earth is not easy, there are challenges a plenty. So there is lots of opportunity for growth but not all of us see it that way. I didn't until I got older and realized that tho I loved myself, I didn't love myself fully for I had given control of my life over to the husband and I wasn't truly loving myself best I could if I still allowed myself to be treated like that by him.
I don't know if the reason you haven't left yet is due to conflicting thoughts and issues in your head but it was for me. Or perhaps you havent given it a thought so I will share mine in case they help you realize that only you can make the first step and how to deal with thoughts so you can.
I heard all sorts of things like it was being selfish to want to leave. But GOd said to me, "When I said to love your neighbor as yourself, I didnt mean to love your neighbor first and maybe love yourself later. If you can't love yourself fully, then you won't be able to really do much loving others, like a garden hose with kinks in it that holds back the flow of water or love in your case.
I thought, being loyal, and forgiving, etc are all Godly traits. If I leave him, then I am saying I don't really believe and stand for those traits and I am just a false person.
Gods answer to me was, Hon, I gave everyone a free will and I will not interfere and take it away from them like in your husbands case to force him to treat you well and lovingly. I also gave you a free will to stay or go. You have stayed longer than needed for him to have chances to come around and change for the better. He doesnt want to right now and may never change. In the meanwhile, the stress on your physical body you've taken all these years has taken its toll. If you stay instead of leaving, then in 4 yrs you'll be dead from the stress either by cancer or heart attack.
I stayed only one more yr for a daughter to graduate HS and then I left him.
The treatment you're getting right now, you seem to be able to handle on a day to day basis, even week by week. But it gets harder if you look at it
this way: Can I put up with this for another year, yeah. maybe. Can I stay for this treatment another 5 years...ouch...thats hard but I think I can muddle through. Can I do this for many decades more, even to the end of my life? When I asked myself that question, I began to cry because deep down inside, I realized I had been only fooling myself into accepting another day, another month, another year. Truly, I did not want to have to live that kind of life anymore and I know neither do you. You need to understand you cant save him or do anything that makes him a better person. Change comes from a desire within to do so, not from outside influences like from you on him. It may be as simple as learning to recognize the signs of other people in your future life who are controlling by being able to recognize the signs cus forall you know, you may be asked to go into partnership with someone in a business but you see all the controlling signs in her or him and decide not to, saving yourself a lot of headache. Maybe this is the first step to you becomeing a stronger person, the kind of woman who won't put up with BS from any person, especially not any man who wants to be dating you or married to you. And sometimes, it takes being brought down to the bottom, to rise up, like the Phoenix bird from the ashes to be a better stronger person than before...still kind and loving to others, and handling conflict without fighting in any way. I hope all of this gives you some 'reason' to take those steps to doing what is best for you. But trust me, you will be Tested. I was. I had to know that I had truly learned my lesson after leaving him. I met two more guys who ended up showing lots of controlling traits, one after the 3rd date when he let his guard down finally. YOu've heard women say, Why do I keep finding all the jerks for men out there? Because they didn't learn the first time, it was a fluke and so they will keep running into controlling guys until they meet one and at first sign of bad behavior they stop dating him. That means you've learned the lesson dear! ANd then you get to graduate to finding a really loving supportive guy, just as I did with my 2nd husband.