Good day everyone.
I am a nursing student. My ultimate goal is to be a travel nurse.
I am happily married for over 12 years and have 3 children: ages 6, 4, and 2. Family is the most important thing in the world and I want to help families work out problems so they do not have to be torn apart.
If your family is as important to you as mine is to me, get the help you need. If you do not like my advice, I respect that but look for someone that works for your needs.
Your family is worth it!
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio
Occupation: Home maker/ nursing student
Age: 31
Member Since: October 26, 2007
Answers: 223
Last Update: September 27, 2011
Visitors: 32453
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In the summer i sent a pic i should have not...to one guy cause he begged ..but im not that way..i have not even kissed anyone..anyways i just now have had about 6 guys to tell me...the have seen it so what do i do please help me and if u ever been in this position please tell me so
i wont feel bad..thanx bye (link)
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This is a tough one that could have some tough consequences! I don't know how old you are but I presume you are a minor.
What you should do (this is going to be hard!!) is actually go over to his house... unannounced would be best so he doesn't have a chance to hid it or get rid of it, and demand it back. Go when his parents are home so if he does not cooperate... you need to get the parents involved.
I also presume you sent this via e-mail or somehow electronically (fax or IM or something). You need to tell him he has to delete it and get completely rid of it from his computer. If he choses not to, (again, this will be hard but you MUST follow through) you will have your parents get involved and the two sets of parents will discuss how to handle the matter.
The fact is, you should NOT have sent that picture. BUT, if he is exploiting it and showing it around, he could possibly get into trouble for sharing child porn with others. Child porn is a HUGE lawsuit waiting to happen and this is your reputation he is holding for ransom.
If you aren't comfortable going this alone... you may need to tell your parents up front before even confronting him. You will undoubtedly be in trouble. You may likely loose your computer priviledges (as well as others) but how long will you be punished versus what can happen if this boy keeps access to this photograph? As angry as your parents may be to find this out though, I would assume their first instinct (after wanting to send you off to Switzerland) is going to be to protect you.
Hopefully you have learned a lesson here and you should explain that to your parents, along with being open that you are still innocent. You may be feeling that it is "none of their business" but this fact alone may help you get into less trouble than you would if your parents had the idea that you were a tart.
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so im going to homecoming with one of my friends, as friends. only he's not one of my really good friends but hes a friend. the only problem is he likes me and i dont like him. im afraid of the awkwardness. I wanna have the time of my life at homecoming but idk i think it'll be weird, especially if he follows me around. I do understand that since were going together i have to slow dance with him. but i dont really want to slow dance every dance with him. so im thinking maybe once or twice? but what do i say if he asks me again after that? Or what if he expects were together if i keep slow dancing with him? I also feel that it will be an awkward drive on the way to the dance. we havent really coordinated that stuff yet but we are going to a party and then after the party everybodys hitching their own rides. so im not sure how thats gunna go.
so im basically just looking for advice on what to do or except that night.
thanks and im a freshman girl. (link)
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It is important to make the line clear, that you are only friends. You can do that by making an off handed comment like, "I'm glad I am going to this dance with a friend. It takes the pressure off knowing this isn't a date, just two friends have a good time at Homecoming."(Or what ever you might feel comfortable saying).
Something you need to realize though is that you ARE going together. That means that realistically, you should spend most of your time together. If you two were adults and going to a social event together, even just as friends, it would be socially expected that you two are there together, even if there is nothing romantic going on. It is... well... I guess a social rule of ettiquette. That is not to say you can't dance with anyone else at all! There are two types of social gatherings; one where it is a social group doing sociable things (you don't go with a specific person, maybe a group of people and you dance with whomever, whether fast or slow songs, etc.) and the second is a couples type of gathering. Homecoming CAN be a sociable dance but is typically a dance you go to with a date. When you go with a specific date... it is most appropriate to be with that person most of the time.
The one thing that can help here is if you are open and clear BEFORE the evening takes place. A few days before make it clear that you would like to dance with him, a few dances, but you want each of you to be able to dance and socialize with other people as well. This clears the air and makes it more appropriate.
Most importantly, before anyone's evening gets ruined (yours OR his) and before he gets his emotions crushed (especially pubically) be sure you open your line of communication BEFORE you go to the dance so he knows exactly what to expect. Then you can both maximise your enjoyment.
Hope you have a great time!
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ok so there is this girl and we have been friends for like a year and half. We are so close that i invited her on vacation with me(big mistake).. any way the whole time she was there i felt like she is using me. she "barrowed" all this money and never paid back. Then in the fall we both joined this field hockey team and she started to get annoying from there. She would make plans with these other girls and then send me pictures of all them. I feel like i am bieng left out. she always seems to be doing something yet can never involve me. Then when i would ask her to do something she would say ok and then cancel.. and the first time i believed her.. but now this happens all the time.. What should i do ? (link)
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Sounds like you have the perfect case of "bad weather friendship". She will likely continue to count on you if something is going wrong or bad in her life. If she is bored. If someone hurts her. She will probably NOT, however, call you to go out with other friends, to the movies, etc. These types of friends are better just left to go off on their own. It is best to just quietly let your friendship die. Continue to be nice/friendly to her at school or in public but on the off chance that she wants to hang out with you because she is bored, politely refuse. Always being polite makes you the better person. I read one of your other answers that suggests you should question why she sends you pictures of other friends or outtings. This is not a good idea. Just erase them without looking at them and make no comment to her about receiving them. Eventually the two of you will drift apart.
This sounds drastic, I know but I have a "friend" exactly like this. We met in 8th grade. We hung out ALL the time and were friends even out of high school and into college. I have now been married for nearly 10 years and never hear from her unless her most current boyfriend breaks up with her or she gets into an arguement with her mom or something. I have invited her to come to my house for Christmas parties, etc. and she has agreed, unless one of her more "exciting" friends has plans and then she cancels. We were extremely close for more than 10 years but she clearly has no interest in me, unless she has nothing better to do.
You should value yourself more and find friends who desire to be with you. Who look forward to your company and can't wait for you to come over or go out, etc. That is what friendship is all about.
If she owes you money that you really need back, pursue it. Tell her, for example, on the first of the month that you need the money by the end of the month. Set an exact date. Then on that date approach her. "Remember that $50 I lent you over the summer for vacation? We I really need that back now. I will meet you by your locker after school on November 19th to collect it." That kind of thing. Otherwise, if it is something you can forget about... do.
Should all of this be a huge misunderstanding on her part; she didn't realize she was leaving you out, etc. Give her a second chance. This is always best as you would want a second chance if it was you we were discussing. She may actually not realize what she is doing. But she will never know if you don't have a talk with her. Talk with her about how you are feeling but if she does turn out to be an "as needed" friend, I would go with what I said previously.
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I have a sister whose about..young.. when she was younger her and her friends were sorta idiots..They were a bit sextually active,. she told me about it.. but shes the kind of gurl who likes to feel sad and cry about her past alot worrying baout her future. she regrets what she did, and i tell her taht she should forget it and move on, but shes sort of bothering me wth her problems eery day by Crying ALL THE TIMEEE!! shes afraid she prolly lost her virginity.or popped something. I keep telling her that she didnt. But shes still crying and saying what if this, what if that. Ugh i dont know what to do. shes a good person and now shes smart and is religious., But shes still worrying about it.
shes going through sort of a depression phase, and even thinks about suicide...I KNOW!! Anywyas.. wats ur advice?
(link)
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First of all, if she is crying all of the time and concerned about her past and future and really regreting things she has done, she needs someone to lean on. She needs you, her big sister to be there for her. Don't look at it as she is "bothering you" with her problems but rather an opportunity to help the little sister you love who is going through a difficult emotional/mental ordeal.
Secondly, a few things you may be able to tell her are these: Based on the idea that you said she is religious, I will say the following: God loves sinners. Do perfect people belong in church? No. They don't need it. Church is for sinners to go and learn about God and repent their sins, etc. Remember Jesus spent all of his time with adulterers, tax collectors, sinners, etc. God loves your sister so much he "knows every hair on her head". She is his daughter and as many times as she goes to him for forgiveness, he will accept her.
If she feels THAT guilty about her sexual nature when she was younger, perhaps she can put that to use? Volunteer at a program through church or the Red Cross or something on teaching abstinence to sort of "repent". As far as "popping" something, that is not anything to worry about. The membrane that "pops during sex" can pop with LOADS of other things as well. Sometimes it can pop with tampons, dushing, bike riding, horseback riding, simply age, etc. There is NO concern there. Even a virgin can have a "popped membrane". If she is worried about no longer being a virgin, have her pledge abstinence until she gets married. This is not popular (for some terrible reason) this day in age but still lots of people do it. (I did and I have a wonderful married life with kids!)
If none of this helps, encourage her to get help. Either professional therapy or someone at church she trusts. She clearly is upset about things and just telling her to forget about it is the last thing she needs to hear. She needs to feel loved again. She needs to feel she can love herself, trust herself. I am sure your sister is a great person. The fact that she is so remorseful about things she has done proves this. She needs a big hug. Give her one for me too while you're at it. Even a total stranger can see the good in her!
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14/f. I've been single for nearly a year, which I don't have a problem with, but me and this guy have sort of started talking. I've never kissed anyone, though a guy came close to kissing me at homecoming, then the song ended and he walked away. I'm not very assertive, in the whole relationship field, so if me and the guy I'm talking to, or another one for that matter, in the future, started dating me, and we were going to kiss each other, how exactly do I kiss? And I don't want to make the first move for my first kiss, but later, if I did want to kiss someone, how would I make the first move on him? I'm sort of clueless and just trying to be prepared. My friends have already had their first kisses, so I'm the oddball, they say it comes naturally, but the guy that was gonna kiss me at homecoming was starting to lean in and I had no idea what to do! So, help is appreciated greatly :) Sorry for the length. (link)
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Well I think it's nice you haven't had a first kiss yet. Too many girls rush into things with guys and that is a shame.
Hopefully you are a girl with strong morals and a strong self image. You can kiss without going any further. If this is the case, I don't mind telling you... your first kiss is going to be the most terrifying, terriffic thing to happen to you in your early teens! I think you are right NOT to initiate it. This keeps you a lady. If you initiate it, the boy can get the wrong idea that you are much more forward than you are.
As far as "how to kiss"... since the boy is going to initiate it, you should probably just softly close your eyes as he comes near you and makes contact. After that, go with the flow. You will know if you are comfortable parting your lips or not. Possibly for your first time you may not want to do this. But be ABSOLUTELY sure this is what you want with and WHOM you want it. I am pushing 30 and still remember EVERY detail about my first kiss. You don't want it to be with the frog faced little monster down the road who eats worms (for example). Make sure he is worth the memory of a lifetime!
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OK, im kinda in love. well he asked me out and he was already my friend. i had just gotten out of a relationship. i said yes. but before that i said i dont know about a gazillion times. Ok the way i ack around guys comes of as flirting. well i think he might of thought i was flirting with this guy. well now he wont talk to me and im depressed. what should i do. 13/f (link)
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I hear a lot of kids your age with this problem!
What should you do? Have fun. Be friends with tons of guys and girls. Go out as a small group and watch movies, go to a playground and be totally silly pretending your kids again, have pizza parties. Have a great time! Don't worry so much about being in a relationship. At 13, it seems like only yesterday you were just getting over the idea of boys having cooties! There is no reason for you to be getting into intense relationships at 13. What if you are going out with a boy and someone you REALLY like comes along? Now you have to break up with the first guy causing a lot of resentment and heartache. If I were you, I would just be friends with EVERYONE for a few more years until you decide what it is you find most appealing in a boy and THEN see what happens. That way you can flirt with all the boys you want (for a little while) and not have to worry about boys getting jealous because you aren't "tied down". Flirting is fun anyway, don't you think? You can't really be flirting with anyone if you have a steady boyfriend and that takes some of the fun out of it. Don't rush. Have fun. Have LOTS of fun!!! There is no need to get too serious with one person for a few more years yet.
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i always feel like i am approaching death. like im 15 years old i dont have any real friends anymore. everything i try at, i can't succeed. ive never gotten along with my family at all. it might sound liek im complaining but honestly nohting can go right in my life no matter how hard i try. it just doesnt seem liek there is a place for me in the world at all, or like i dont know i dont feel like the purpose of me being alive is doing good for anyone or myself. i get very very depressed most of the time and i honestly just want to kill myself, liek there really isnt a point ofme staying alive. ive gone to a therapist for over a year but nothing really seems to help.
i guess i dont know what im asking but please help meee, and dont just reply with something like "hang in there it will get better" i want actual advice (link)
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I don't want to give you too much here as I read several answers people have already given you. You got some pretty good advice!
I agree with most of them saying this is common for teens to go through (as a teen I myself ended up having to see a therapist for having "passive thoughts of suicide") Someone mentioned finding something you are good at and go for it for all the strength you have. Art? Music? Building model cars? Fixing electronics? Interior decorating? I dont know but find something. Pray for the strength to keep it up.
If nothing else works... there is always a chance you could have an actual chemical imbalance in your brain that could be helped by getting put on an anti-depressant. The negative stigma of this is going by the wayside and I feel anyone who gets the mental help they need should be hugely proud of themselves. You took the first step. You admitted in the spirituality section of an advice column that you are depressed and need help. Good for you for recognizing it!!! Now try the next step. You are worth it. In a few years you can talk to a 15 year old going through the same thing and help them. Just remember, you are an extremely important person... God knows.
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I need help... Today I went to my religion classes so I could get prepared for my confirmation. Today was my first day but I noticed something about myself. My knowledge of religion is weak. I don't know why. I went to a catholic school for 6 years straight and that helped me become a Catholic. After that I got into a good public school and that's when I learned a lot of things. So really science interfered with my religion but I didn't get offended I was actually amazed maybe there couldn't be like a God who started life but science did. But I decided to become Agnostic so I could search for proof of a God or proof of no God. But then my weekly church going seemed to stop not because I didn't want to go it just that things are changing and going there seems timely impossible. So my belief in God began to diminish. So right now I am like half Agnostic and half Atheist. So really my first class just made me realize that my knowledge of religion is weak and I don't know what's this feeling I am feeling. It feels like disbeleif or disappointment in myself and there's a little fear because what if there is truly a God and there's a saying that the lord see's everything so what if my thoughts are offending Him? I just don't know anymore because I also get the feeling that religion doesn't really seem to interest me anymore or matter. I just like want to be a normal person and I heard that people can do that, just live out their lives and not believe in anything. But the thing is my family is like all catholic and they all believe in God but I seem to not to or not know if there is one. I don't wanna tell them my situation because they might not accept my changed path or I might feak them out. I think I know they won't accept my changed path because they already won't accept me for who I am (Goth/Emo. Ugh... this is just too much and maybe too much for you advice givers to read. Sorry. I just need some advice... (link)
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Before you decide to go athiest, you really should discuss your feelings with someone of faith that you trust to give you good, concrete advice.
Something that my Wednesday evening bible study has been going over is "Serious Answers to Hard Questions". This class covers a variety of issues including evil, other religions, and the issue of science versus religion. I was excited to learn that science and religion are not in turmoil with each other but in harmony!!! Science answers the questions of HOW things happen. Religion answers the questions of WHY. For example, science says the earth was started by the Big Bang. Someone I respect HIGHLY in my church belives that this is true... but is it possible that God created/caused the big bang? If planets, stars, galaxies, etc. are constantly evolving into bigger/smaller/differently shaped entities, why couldn't we have evolved from apes? That is not what Christianity teaches but why couldn't it have happened?
What I am trying to say is the Bible is a tricky book. Humans got lots of things wrong or misunderstood in the Old Testament. Therefore God sent Jesus to the earth to straighten people out and explain some things. It is also important to remember the translations. The bible was passed down verbally for a long time and then written in aramic, then translated in to three other primary languages, and finally into english which, by the way, english itself has changed dramatically over the last 1000 or so years. It takes a person who is deeply educated and has studied the deep history of religion to explain things appropriately.
I just don't want you to walk away from religion unless you have a strong reason to. It sounds like you just got a little confused because of new science education. The fact is, science can actually help strengthen your beliefs, you just need to get a deeper education.
It has been my experience over the last decade that I have met people who were non-believers. I am thinking of 5 people specifically. The decided to learn more about Christianity so they would be able to explain their reasons better about why they cannot possibly believe in Christianity. It didn't work out the way the planned. The more all 5 of them learned... the more believers they became and one has even decided to go to seminary!
Religion is full of important ideas and morals. Please don't walk away because of confusion. Give it a chance and talk to people you can trust.
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What part of the Bible tells you that you shouldn't cus? I mean I've been looking for it but i can't find it. Can someone give me the exact line/lines in which it says. Then maybe explain it to me so I will understand better? Thanks... (link)
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The truth is... the Bible doesn't tell you about cussing. The Bible asks you to be respectful to to your neighbors, family, and God. Cussing is a local thing. Most of the curse words we have today didn't even exist in biblical times. The real issue is socially, several words are unacceptable and show ignorance and low class. If you have a strong enough vocabulary you shouldn't need to resort to a 4-letter word. And you should certainly respect God, your neighbors, and your family but the reality is, cursing is a socially unacceptable thing... not a biblical thing. So rest assured, the occasional 4-letter word does not necessarily mean you are doomed to an eternity in hell!
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how do you stop being jealous from my boyfriend being close friend with his ex? because when me and his friend went to his house his friend saw the bunny from his ex(he has it in his room) and when his friend was touching it my bf was like"dont touch it" and i kinda got jealous and next day at lunch when me and my bf and my friends were hanging out one of his friend said "jen(his ex) is waiting" and he went to her. and when they were on the phone i asked him about the teddy bear and he was keep asking if i was jealous and i didnt admit it. and finally i told him that i was and i asked him about the bunny and but he was like" even though your telling me this im not gonna take it off because its my favorite stuff toy" and he told me not to get jealous i could accept that they are close friends but im jealous =/ what should i do make myself not to get jealous?
(link)
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I don't think you have an issue here of how to make yourself stop being jealous but rather why is your boyfriend continuing behaviors that would make any girlfriend jealous? They may just be close friends but I am not sure he is completely over her. It sounds as though he is rather immature. He needs to respect that these things are hurting you, especially since you actually told him. He is not respecting your feelings.
A more mature person would probably have given anything the previous lady gave him-back to the previous lady. He is keeping the stuffed toy as a momento... why else does a grown man keep a stuffed bunny?
He may not be ready for a relationship yet and if he is hurting you emotionally by keeping close to his ex... you deserve better and should move on to someone who only has eyes (and a heart) for you.
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when i was around 5 my mother died from cancer. Now i have a step mother and 2 step sisters. My step mother is every loving, but doesnt like help me with girl stuff. I always have to learn things on my own. And for like clothes, what matches? i cant ask my dad anything like that because hes a guy and doesnt really know. Like for my school pictures, i was wearing a pink and grey top and my dad picked a purple background, she didnt really help me she just helped my 2 step sisters. (I know i can ask her, but shouldnt she realize that i need help with it?) And i ended up crying for a while, cuz like i felt like i was alone and didnt have anyone to help. the next morning i ended up asking her to chance it cuz pink and purple dont go. I mean dont get me wrong, she great, but i just want a little more from her. SOO my question is what should i do? Should i tell my dad or aunt or something? Should i confront her? please help.
(sorry if its long) (link)
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You should certainly explain to your stepmother how you feel. Do it in a way that is not accusing her of not being there but rather tell her you know how lucky you are to have such a great stepmother. The problem here may be that being a stepmother... she may not be completely clear on what her boundaries are! She may love you like a daughter but not be comfortable behaving as such. She may be afraid of having you resent her for "trying to take your mother's place".
Its never a bad thing to initiate the questions either. "Does this pink shirt look good with this purple background?" It may actually not occur to her to say anything, especially if she could possibly think that you and your dad have already agreed on it! (Just an example)
This is definitely a situation where being open and honest with her could easily turn a stressed situation into a great mother/daughter relationship and have everyone involved happier.
I didn't have a mom either. My grandma became my mom when I was 10. I feel for your situation here and really hope you are able to develope a closer relationship with your stepmother. Best of luck!
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first off i would like to say that i really only want the older teens to adults to answer this please.
I went out with this guy for about 2 months and i broke up with him the beginning of june because my parents never allowed me to see him because he was a "bad kid" he was on probation,dropped out of school and was in a detention center for like 3 weeks and did weed,but he said that was all in the past but my parents forbidded me to see him or even talk to him.But after i broke up with him for about 2 weeks he said how much he missed me and that he wished my parents would change their minds.(while we were going out btw he claimed he "loved" me)so after about 2 weeks of us being broken up he goes out with another girl (even though like 2 days before he was texting me he missed me and called me,it got me so p.o'd) so i havent talked to him since june so thats like 4 almost 5 months and out of the blue i get a text message 11:00 at night saying "hey its boys name long time no see" and i said hey how are you and he said "im good,guess what im... engaged!" and i was just shocked he's only 17 and has been with the girl for only 4 months! then i said "omg are you serious?" and he said "yeah i got the ring and got down on one knee and everything" i said um oh uh wow i dont know what to say" he said"you dont have to say anything..so you...seeing anyone....your parents approve of? lol" and i said no and he "said oh you have plenty of time" and i asked him what sparked him to text me? and he said" i just wanted to see how you were doing :)" and that was it.I thought i was dreaming because i was half asleep when he text me lol this happened last night,and i just want some advice on what this means like why after 5 months does he decide to talk to me? i asked some of my friends and they said that he probably got the girl pregnant, he tried to make me jealous,and he wants me back.But like i just really want to know what ya'll think of this why would he tell me? and did i say the right things to him?(i thought i shouldve said more but i was like asleeps and i didnt want to argue with him) i dont want to talk to him anymore so i deleted his phone numbers and i didnt really want to go into detail about the engagement.
16/f
thank you very much :) (link)
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Your parents have your best interest in mind. It is always hard for a teenager to be told they can or cannot do something. Your not a kid anymore! But, believe it or not… your brain doesn’t actually hit maturity until 25 for girls… closer to 30 for boys!!!
So did you do the right thing? I think deleting his phone number and not wanting to be involved is the best thing you could have done. He may very well have been trying to make you jealous. He may have even been crying out to get someone sensible to tell him he is doing the wrong thing and he wanted someone he could lean on to get out of a mess. What ever his situation, you are only 16 and he is not your responsibility. That is a lot to take on; a troubled 17 year old who has a history of incarceration and drug abuse. He has a lot of growing up and maturing to do. Hopefully he will come across someone who can handle his situation and can get some sense into him.
He needs professional help. Anyone who feels they need to break the rules and drown themselves in chemicals is hurting. But they can also be dangerous. He may need someone to “be there for him” but that is not your responsibility and without knowing more of the situation… HIS situation… I can say good for you to want to stay away and avoid contact. After all, you could be the 16 year old girl pregnant with a baby who will have potential birth defects from a drug abusing father! No one deserves that.
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thanks for your feekback.
it was really great.
Now could you explaing more about the whole legal thing going on?
I do take care of a lot of kids, but what I didn't clarify that it wwas a small group in a home, rather than at the church.
It is folks from the church though...
does that make it any different?
Thanks- (link)
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Hello again! I am glad you are requesting more information. That shows you are concerned and responsible.
I want to first state that I cannot begin to give deep legal advice. I am a mother, a church goer/volunteer, and a psychologist in training... but I am not a lawyer.
That being said, I can say a few things. If you are babysitting 17 kids- but 5 on Monday night, 3 on Tuesday night, 4 on Wednesday, etc... this changes things a bit. It still puts a tremendous amount of pressure on you as it is not easy to take care of that many kids. But 13-17 for one person (of any age!!) is dangerous. I have 2 kids of my own and I am pregnant with my third. My 4 year old can be in the bathroom playing in the sink. I go in to tell him to stop making a mess and when I get back out to the living room, my 1 1/2 year old is sucking on a penny. This happens to ME and I only have 2 kids (for now).
You said many of them are 6 or 8 years old. That helps because you shouldn't have to worry about them eating pennies and such.
I did a little research for you. Remember, these numbers are general... may not apply to your state AND they are for adults, not teens. But here's the overview.
Age Number of adults Number of kids
Infants 1 4
Toddlers (up to 2) 1 4
2-year-olds 1 6
2-1/2-year-olds 1 7
3-year-olds 1 10
4 and 5-year-olds 1 10
6 years and older 1 15
(this came from: http://www.thebeehive.org/Templates/Family/Level3Image.aspx?PageId=1.528.681.716.717)
There are also a couple of facilities you can contact. The American Red Cross offers a babysitting class that may help better prepare you should you ever need to know a rescue type action either by choking, fire, poisoning, etc. And don't forget your local library. Just let your reference librarian know your concern and he/she can probably direct you to a great website/book/pamphlet.
I am sorry I couldn't necessarily give you all the answers you need. I simply do not have the right to be giving you legal advice. I just want to make sure that not only YOU are safe and covered so you don't get into trouble... but the kids are safe as well.
You should be proud of yourself though for taking time out of your schedule to help busy parents get a deeper understanding of God. Thank God for you *smile*
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Hi, I'm 17 and think I may be pregnant. I'm not sure yet so I am scheduling an appointment soon for the doctors. I was with my boyfriend for two years and September 2nd was the last time we had sex. I had my period September 11th and it was a regular flow-no 'spotting'. Now I'm not even sure if it was my period because I feel sick liked I've caught something, have gained a little weight-but that could be diet related, and my stomache feels chubby even when I flex it-its like jiggly and mushy feeling(so wierd).
Me and my ex are no longer together and live 300 miles away from eachother, and don't speak much but still love eachother deep down- yet I have no intention of being back with him. I'm scared I may be pregnant but am not sure and although I'm waiting to see a doctor I'm still freaking out! I should be graduating my last year of highschool this year early and moving on with my life... But does that include a child?
What I want to know is if that stomache jiggly/fat thing is a pregnancy symptom or if it is... Should I be seeing this now? I've only noticed it THIS last week.
& If I find out I AM pregnant do you have any suggestions on what I should do...(Keep it, abortion,adopt..ETC.)???
I don't care much if it's constructive criticism, as long as its a true opinion. All I'm asking for is your suggestion because I am still young, but yet could regret this for the rest of my life and have a guilty concious.
Please answer HONESTLY.
-Thanks-
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Your mushy/jiggly thing is not a baby. Your belly actually does not start to change size until around 12 weeks and even then, even though it is getting larger, it gets harder! Not mushy and jiggly. The reason is it is your uterus that is pushing up against your abdominal wall and your abdomen gradually gets tighter and tighter as it grows.
I definitely agree with your other answers that you need to take a test. They are over 99% accurate and only take 5 minutes!
As far as what you should do if you are pregnant... that is something you need to discuss with your parents. This can be hard... EXTREMELY hard because of what you are admitting to them. 1. You are not a virgin. 2. You were not as careful as you should have been. 3. Pregnancy is only one of many concerns. You could have an STD that have no symptoms.
I do not believe in abortion as a form of birth control. That is why we have pills and condoms and abstinence. But adoption would be a beautiful gift for a couple who cannot have a child.
Last but not least... use this scare as a lesson. This is an incredibly unpopular viewpoint but it is what I was taught and it is what I teach my own kids... Respect yourself enough to wait until you are ABSOLUTELY ready... meaning out of high school, out of college... engaged... possibly married before you have sex. The truth is sex was designed a LONG time ago for the soul purupose of reproduction and therefore... women get pregnant when they have sex. If you dont like the side affects you should avoid it.
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My dad`s been saying since he decided he was going to divorce my mom as soon as I graduated that we are poor. First of all, we live in one of the most expensive neighborhood to live in out of the whole county so that`s not true. Plus, my dad`s job has an extremely high payment. Half of the time, he`s yelling about money or cussing at us or telling us how stupid we are. The other half of the time, he`s not even home or is off with something with his work somewhere. He won`t EVER buy me ANYTHING rather I really need it or not. Anytime I want something, I have to take money out of MY savings account to get it. I was thinking earlier and I finally understand why he`s freaking out about how we supposedly have no money. In one year, the place where my dad works is moving to Indiana or Louisiana or something. Apparently, he thinks it`s an easy way for him & my mom to separate? Anyways, knowing how selfish he is, he`s not going to even bother looking for a closer job & he has his mind set on leaving us to go live in Indiana. Well, obviously he would need a house, so he`s been putting thousands away each month that my family needs for things & cutting us short on everything, which is extremely unfair to all of us. He won`t admit it, but I know that`s he`s putting all of that money away so that he can afford a house when he leaves. I don`t understand it though. He told us all a few months ago that he`s leaving us & we`ll have to sell the house & while he`s off in Indiana somewhere, we`ll have to live in a tent here. But, how can someone do that? I mean, how can he lie about it & how can he just treat us like this? My mom has no job because she`s been devoted to us all these years, so I don`t know what`s going to happen. Is there some legal thing that says he HAS to send us money or something to take care of us when he leaves? (link)
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I am a divorce counselor at church and I am becoming increasingly irritated with (primarily) men who just walk out on their families without looking back.
More than likely, your parents did not sign a prenuptual agreement. A prenuptual basically says that what was his when they got married stays his and what was hers stays hers. This is a fairly rare thing. If there is no prenup. then your dad, being the provider will be required to provide your mom with alimony and child support. This is NOT to say you will continue to have the standard of life you may used to... but it can really help! Kudos (great job!) to your mom who decided to be a mom to you kids. That is a decision that every mom should be proud to make.
If your mom decides she needs to get a job or that you may need to downsize your house or any other number of things to survive... it is important for you to support her. I realize you are a kid and it is not your responsibility to take care of issues surrounding the divorce. I only mean that if you see your mom getting emotional because she may have to give you a key to the house and she won't be home when you get home from school, reassure her. Let her know that whatever she decides to do for the family, you love her and respect her. That coming from a child can ge the greatest reward.
I wish you the best of luck with this. Divorce tears the family apart and no matter what ANYONE says... you will not just bounce back from this. You have every right to be angry, sad, hurt, or, believe it or not, happy and relieved! Whatever you feel is normal. Talk to mom about it. She has devoted her life to you and would love to have opportunities to bond with you. Strenghthen your bond with your mom and siblings. You are going to need each other over the coming months/years.
Best of luck... really!!!
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Over all, my om and dad are pretty cool with letting me do things, but there is one that that really gets under my skin and bugs me!
They dont allow me to go to the mall by myself, i mean, sometimes they do, if im lucky, i just asked them for freedom and they said they'd allow me to do more things on my own. Which is good, but i know they wont let me go. In the past theyve let me go with my friend, but they know her and her mom real well. But i just got invited to go to the mall with a bunch of friends, and they said no! How the heck am i supposed to make friends, im a freshmanin high school, and made tons of new friends, theyve all asked me to go places with them, but i feel embarrassed telling them that im not allowed. They also said that I cant go to the mall with these kids they dont know (AKA: new friends) how will i ever have friends if they dont allow me to get together with them??!!
So my questions are:
How do i prove to my parents that ill be okay by myslef?
And how do i send the message that my new friends are really good kids, and that they have nothing to worry about?
Im really cought in a pickle and need you guys! (link)
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As a parent, I know the horrible thoughts that may be going through your parent's minds. However, I see your point too. Here is my advice.
It seems there is a common theme here. Your parents don't want you going out with a group of people they really don't know. They let you go occasionally with one friend they DO know. So, why don't you try giving your parents the opportunity to get to know your new friends. You know, meet your parents 1/2 way. It's October. Have a hot dog and marshmallow roast at your house, invite your friends over for hot dogs, marshmallows, chips, and pop and just hang out with your friends and your parents for a few hours. Then maybe have a pizza and movie night with these same friends and your parents. Perhaps after one, two, or three nights of this your parents may feel more comfortable letting you go out. This will also show your parents you are mature enough and responsible enough to understand where they are coming from and they may give you more freedom.
This is an age where bad things happen all to easily to kids and teens. Your parents sound like smart enough people to know that they are not excluded from this. Some people think "that will never happen to me". This gets you into trouble. Your parents love you. If you cut them some slack and meet them 1/2 way, they may cut you some slack too!!!
Good luck :)
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I babysitt for a small group at our church. What I do is, the parents, have the bible study upstairs, and I watch the kids downstairs. I do not have any help. I usually babysitt 13-17 kids each time. The age ranges from about 18 months two 8 yrs. Most of the kids are in the 3-5 ranges, with a few 6-8 yr olds, and two babies.
I babysitt for usually an hour and a half to two hours. I get paid around $30-$35. Is that too much? Too little? (link)
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I think given that you are babysitting for a church group to allow parents to take bible study, that is an adequate amount. I get paid to do the same thing at my church but not nearly that amount and I am an adult with 2, almost 3 kids of my own!! Many churches do not even pay... it is on a volunteer basis.
However, you may want to request... possibly get aggressive about getting more help. In most states it is illegal to have one adult for more than 5 or 6 kids and I am assuming that you are a teenager. You may just want to "cover" yourself. I would hate for you to get into trouble if something were to happen. You are completely responsible for up to 17 kids for up to two hours!!! That is literally TOO MUCH for any one person to handle. Could cause a bit of legal trouble.
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Two questions. Will using hair gel cause your hair to fall out at a later time like when your older? I've noticed that a few strands of hair have been coming off. I'm fifteen if that helps. And second what hair gel brand is the best for making hair stay stand up straight and spikey for like almost the whole day? I'm looking for hair gel that can do that so I can make my hairspikey and what store(s) might I find them at? I live near CVS, Shaws, and Walgreens and wondering if anyone knows if there's a chance I might find them there. (link)
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The first part of your question is does hair gel cause your hair to fall out? The short answer is no. There are some conditions to this though. Hair gel contains a lot of alcohol that causes the hair to become dry and brittle. What you may be noticing is not hair falling out, but breaking off. Washing it out and going a time without using gel, and using a moisturizing conditioner or hot oil treatment should get your hair healthy again.
As far as the best product to use for making spikey hair stand straight up... I can only tell you what my research has shown as I do not have spikey hair. I did, however, find a website that might be helpful. Feel free to check it out. It might help you for future styles as well. Good luck. The link is pasted below.
http://www.geocities.com/RodeoDrive/3696/Products.html
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how many times should one urinate in one day (link)
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The average person urinates about every 3-4 hours or around 7 times per day. If you are able to go more than 8 hours without urinating you are at risk of dehydration and really need to drink more water. If you need to go and are holding it in, you could end up with a urinary tract infection. When you go, take the time to completely empty your bladder. But always err on the healthy side... drink lots and pee lots.
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I have a neice who lives with me, only seven years old. Im fourteen, and you know, we fight alot. This really aggravtes my parents, and Rays (Neices name) mom. But they dont believe me when i say that she starts most of the fights. Anyways, getting to the point. I really dont want to tell my parents or my friends this but- sometimes she really gets under my skin, and hurts my feelings. I know, it sound so stupid, but we used to be really close when she was little, i dont know what happened. I really dont. When i pass by her in the family room, shes watching tv, and VERY INNAPPROPRIATE THINGS! She watches mtv, and shes only seven! Shes clearly (in our family) not allowed to watch anything pg-13. Fair enough, so SHE DOES. She has full control of the remote, and knows where all the channels are. I just caught her watching jerry springer! Ive tried telling my mom and dad, but they wont listen to me. They say shes just an 'innocent little girl' and how the heck could she watch something like that?
WRONG
seriously, i think this is getting to her head, she just said her first curse word yesterday, i curse alot, lol, but i mean shes only SEVEN! I really dont want her to grow up badly.
HELP! (link)
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You have a 7-year-old niece living in your household. That right there poses two problems in my mind. One is that your niece clearly has something going on in her life for the simple fact she doesn't live at home with her own parents. The second is, being only 14, you are a kid too... a bigger, more mature kid, but a kid.
The suggestions I have to offer are 1. You do not need to discipline her. That is up to the adults. If you are truly concerned about her, tell her. Sit down with her sometime when she's having a calm moment and seems willing and able to chat with you. Be open with her. Tell her you care about her. Perhaps offer to spend more time with her so you two can continue to be close. She may really need that given her home situation is likely causing her stress. 2. Given that you are 14 over her 7... you need to be the more mature one. I think you will find if you are more respectful to her, spend more time with her, chit chat with her about things, (you may even have to stoop to Barbie's once in a while!!)etc... she will be less likely to "want" to see you in trouble and you may find you have quite a nice little sister in your little niece. Sing and dance in front of a mirror with her, play with make up with her, do her hair. Bond. I think she may not know how to tell everyone she needs someone (likely YOU) because she is lonely and maybe even a little scared or confused.
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