Gender:
FemaleAge:
21Member Since:
May 14, 2012Answers:
176Last Update:
May 23, 2015Visitors:
16225Favorite Columnists
Dragonflymagic
karenR
adviceman49
Razhie
Xenolan
NinjaNeer
Drewb13
flare
luckymadon
Rumely
JustJessOx
more...
Main Categories:
Abusive Relationships
Mental health
Love Life
View All
about
Love. Laugh. Love harder. Laugh harder.
advice
Okay, so I'm nearly 16. I know you're going to say that it's too early for me to worry about this, but I GENUINELY believe that I'm going to be alone forever. I'm a guy, and I'm pretty much asexual unless it's Lana Del Rey or Beyoncé or someone like that. I'm fat so I can't have someone like that. I see my friends taking their girlfriends on dates that they complain aren't expensive enough. I am seriously going to be alone until I become a dentist and have a ton of money and have someone marry me for money. I'm going to be miserable. I would really love to do something with houses, or design, because that's what I'm genuinely good at and enjoy doing. But I can't do that because I want to be rich and they make peanuts. It's unrealistic. I'm just so sad right now.
Hey there!
In the last sentence of your question, you say "I'm just so sad right now." Right now. You won't be alone forever. You won't be sad forever. This is right now. It's ok to feel sad, and be scared that you will be alone forever; there are so many people your age that feel like that. Seriously, I cant even count how many people have said that to me. I have a friend that told me he will surely always be alone, and now he is in a great relationship. So that's just despair, not reality.
You don't really want a real, meaningful relationship with a girl that will only date the version of you you wish to be. It won't be meaningful, nor real. It will be sad. Personally, when it comes to relationships, looks don't matter too much; I look for other qualities such as respect, kindness, confidence, honesty, reliability, and a sense of humor. A lot of people like me for my looks, and it doesn't feel nice, so what matters the most is that someone likes me for me, and I too will like them for who they are. I have had situations of boys trying to impress me, but I dont like superficiality, and trying too hard, and I found it kinda pathetic and cheesy. I do have to feel attraction to the person, but I'm mostly attracted to intelligent, happy people with genuine smiles, who are fun to be around and make me laugh. I think there are a lot of attractive people in my life, but I'm not necessarily attracted to them. I care about personality, and the way they treat me. One of the most unattractive things in a person, is someone with low self esteem. That's what is unappealing to many girls (and guys). Not whether the person is fat, or a big ole meathead.
At sixteen, you can't really know your sexuality. There were times I would honestly be convinced I was asexual, a couple years later, I realized I'm probably bisexual! So adolescence is a confusing time; don't label yourself as anything just yet.
The real, quality girls out there, look for guys with qualities that matter in a person, and not for how much they're worth, or how amazing they look. Doing what you love, and being happy and confident is what will attract people to you.
About having a job that makes peanuts, I went through very difficult training to earn certification for a job where the pay is very very low. But I wouldn't trade it for the world, because I love it, and it makes me happy. So follow your dreams; don't do something you won't absolutely love. A quality girl worth dating will support your dreams.
When it comes to the superficial things in life, such as how much you weigh, or how much money you have, it is important to remember this quote:
Those who mind, don't matter.
Those who matter, don't mind.
~Dr. Seuss
Turn that frown upside down! You'll be fine! :)
Hope you feel better soon.
Good luck!
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
So I set up a date with a lady yesterday i said Starbucks 8.30 pm waiting for the counteroffer waiting waiting she then goes I am going to work out tomorrow if I dont I will feel bad put my shoes into her I use to workout a lot and say if I dont work out I'd fell bad too I use to fell that way her action seems to be telli the trueth then she goes that's a good time to go ill text you tomorrow my guts tells me she's not going bc there was no counteroffer rigth now she texted me back around 710pm I quote Hey!its Laura.i won't be able to make it to Starbucks today.I forgot that after work I needed to stay for meeting hmmmmm say if she texted me around 8.15 or 830 that would be a different story but she gave me an hour to think about her action I am gonna make her wait and text back no worry Starbucks or teavana 9 oclock Tuesday you pick a place
Hey there!
My sincere advice would be to give her the benefit of the doubt. It's an annoying situation, but you're only gonna hurt yourself by jumping to conclusions this quickly.
I hate when people cancel plans last minute, but I do it too sometimes, and I realize that I hate doing it to people, but stuff comes up sometimes, and it's not up to me.
At least she was nice enough to let you know she couldn't make it. The only time I'd get pissed is if someone makes plans and simply never shows up.
For your own good, give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm the type of person to judge people too quickly, and I see more and more how it is only hurting me. Once you get to know her better, and she does continuously bail on you, that's when it becomes a problem.
I'm not going to say that your frustration is not legitimate, because yes, this is a very frustrating situation.
Good luck!
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
It's gross, especially when it's overt and/or persistant. I thought a relationship was meant to be between 2 people? Why do some couples try to get other people's attention? I noticed yesterday at the mall. There was this interracial couple all over each other, as we stood in line at this food place, and i'd focus on other things but they'd sometimes look back with this look on their face line they want their relationship to interest people, incite anger or jealousy, etc. it was awkward for me, directly behind them, and others in line. I have no problem with any couple, interracial, gay, lesbian, transgender, one young and one old, etc. I'm happy others can find love and be in relationships. I'm not jealous either, it's just uncomfortable to essentially be viewing foreplay without consent. There were children in line, too. Some people seem to get a sexual thrill out of people seeing their pda and that just seems sick and self centered. It makes me understand why there are countries that ban it.
Hey there!
I am extremely uncomfortable showing any signs of affection towards a human being in public other than hugging. I don't know why people do it, but the world is full of interesting, and also downright weird people. Some people like to show off their affection for their partner to the world; a quick peck on the lips is one thing. That could be sweet.
Having a whole butt grabbing, smushed faces, and tongue situation going on, is something else entirely. That's rude. If I saw someone doing something like that in front of children, I would tell them it's rude and inappropriate. I guess it's just the type of person I am. Most of us have felt the awkwardness when couples go crazy with the PDA. I still remember watching a couple making out when I was little when I went on a trip to Niagara Falls, and feeling grossed out.
I don't think any country has the right to ban all PDA. If it gets super inappropriate I WILL speak up, but I really don't think countries have the right to ban it.
Most of us have been in the shoes of you and all the people in that line. I find it repulsive. I'm not going to attempt to fully understand why there are people that act like that. A big reason I can think of, is maybe they don't realize they are making everyone uncomfortable.
If they do know they make others uncomfortable, and they're just trying to get other people's attention, it might be because they feel insecure with their relationship, and feel they need to prove their love. I have seen that sometimes; but that's not why people show PDA in general. I dont think they realize how awkward it is for the rest of us. They might be a new couple, and can't get enough of their partner. Is it fair? No. Get a room!
What a loving world we live in!
(Sometimes I use sarcasm for awkward situations.)
Unfortunately, this loving world is not a very private one.
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
Good morning all,
I am a 24 year old female and I live with my mother, who has narcissistic personality disorder. Due to this disorder, she is obsessed with me in a way that is not healthy. She believes that I am her doll. I have endured psychological and emotional abuse beyond what I can explain in 2000 characters. If you are not familiar with the disorder, feel free to look it up. Also, look up narcissistic victim syndrome. This is what I am suffering from. I don't have enough money to move to a place of my own. My mom has also stolen my identity and completely ruined my credit, so I cannot afford to lease an apartment or anything like that. I am currently trying to find a roommate, at church or something, who may offer me a place that I can rent for cheap. I have my degree in education, but I am currently working on my master's and I don't make very much money. I would take out loans to pay for rent, but like I said, with the credit, no one will rent to me. One of the most horrible things that my mom has done is threaten me to break up with my boyfriend. I don't want to get into this whole ordeal as to why or what happened. Because honestly it's more about keeping up her appearance. She wants me to be with someone that she finds handsome, someone rich, so that he can provide for her and provide her with a lifestyle that she wants. And even if he doesn't extend that offer to her, she can show off her "rich daughter." The problem is that I am in love. We have been together for three years and we love each other very much. We are best friends. And after three years, we still get butterflies every time we are going to see each other. We often talk about getting married and how great it will be. I am very worried that my family and my mom will not come to the wedding and I guess I will just cross that bridge when I get there. But... in the meantime, I have a serious problem. I have been seeing him in secret for almost a year now. It has been a bad problem because we can barely see each other. And when we do, it has to be super secret. I am so afraid of my mom. In all honestly, I am not exaggerating when I say that I fear for my life. I am afraid that she is going to kill me in my sleep, or kill him. Or, at least hire someone to do it. Right now, they invited another family member to live with us and I don't even have my own bedroom, so I have to sleep with her. Tonight, I need to go to an important event with my boyfriend, and I don't know how I am going to get around her. I don't know where or how I can tell her that I'm going somewhere, and be at peace knowing that she is not around spying on me. The thought of her finding out makes me want to throw up. I am starting to get serious physical illnesses. I have been hospitalized 5 times because it has gone to my stomach... vomiting, diarrhea. I suffer from irritable bowl syndrome and terrible panic attacks. I have started to get very depressed and to be completely honest, I don't feel like living anymore. I would never do anything to myself because I am very religious and I consider that to be a terrible choice, and honestly, would be very selfish of me. I have people who need me, and I don't think that my mom needs to ruin their lives too. By 5:00pm today, I need to be there. It will be over by 7:30. I just need to get past today to worry about next week. Next week is his graduation from graduate school and I need to be there. My mom does not work on Saturdays or anything like that, so I need to keep her busy. Please, I beg for someone to help me with this. I will get help for my mom and for myself and I will come out of this. But, I need someone to help me with a precise plan as to how I can lie to her about tonight and make sure she doesn't see me. She has no friends, so it's not as if I can call up a friend and tell them to keep her busy. She has no one. She is only obsessed with me and I am her entire world. Someone please give me an alternative for tonight. I think that at 24, and all I've been through, I'm entitled to a nice evening with the person I love.
Please!
Hey there!
I'm not sure of how much help I can be because I don't know your mom, I don't know what your house looks like, but I will try, and it's past 2 pm now, so I guess I am making the 3 pm deadline... :)
Yes, you are entitled to a nice evening with your boyfriend. I don't know your mom, nor your situation, but you are an adult, and you have the right to see your boyfriend. If you sneak out and she catches you, that will be bad. She probably won't trust you or believe you again. You don't want that. The smart thing to do is take some deep breaths, and sit down with your mom, and have a frank mother to daughter talk, how this is not about her, but about you. You want to spend a nice evening out with a friend. Tell your mom you love her very much, but you are an adult, and you deserve to have a social life. You can decide if you are brave enough to say boyfriend, or simply say a "friend"...
So I don't know how messed up she is, or if being honest in a firm way is even an option. One tip I can give you is: don't be so so so anxious. Relax! Take some deep breaths. Maybe you can ask one of YOUR friends to hang out with your mom? Judging from what you said about how crazy your mom is, I don't know if you would want to do that, but I know I would bend over backwards for a friend in trouble. Just make sure your mom won't get any secrets out of her. Also if you refer to your boyfriend as a "friend", she might get suspicious why the other friend isn't going...
Maybe you should ask your boyfriend for some tips, see if he has any good ideas. One important thing is to come up with a whole lot of excuses in advance, in case she catches you to explain it away. If you are going to sneak out, find the best route and beware of creaking staircases and floorboards!! Don't wear shoes, just go ever so slowly.
REMEMBER THAT SNEAKING OUT, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THE WAY YOUR MOM IS, IS REALLY REALLY RISKY!!
You have every single damn right to go out. Maybe just sit down with her like I said. You can give her a nice tight hug before you leave.
In most cases, honesty is the best policy. This is your life.
I honestly don't know the situation. You should relax though. Ask a friend or your boyfriend for help. Most importantly, HAVE FUN GIRL!!
Sincerely wishing you good luck. If you use any of my advice do so at your own risk. I hope it doesn't blow up in your face, but relax!
I hope you two have a fantastic, peaceful evening!
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
so ive been suffering depression for over seven years. im just about at the point where i CAN NOT stand it anymore. the emotional pain has gotten so bad throughout the years where it is now physical pain as well. and this is every fucking day. nothing makes me happy. not one single thing. i fake smiles and laughs everyday so no one will worry about me, but inside im depressed, broken, miserable, pained, etc all the damn time. ive done EVERYTHING to try to help myself: mental hospitals, residentials, psychiatrists, counselors, mentors, different medications, getting out of the house... NOTHING will fix me. like i am not happy, and i am so fucking suicidal. everyday i want to kill myself. and im so close to overdosing, and i know a kind of pill that WILL kill me if i take enough. i cant take this sharp pain anymore. i cant take wanting to die each day anymore. dont i have the right to end my own life now?
and please dont tell me to get help, ive been getting help constantly for over 7 years. it has never worked and will never work.
Hey there!
Your question actually made me tear up a bit, and I don't remember that happening while reading a question before, because I have been in that dark place many, many times, so it kinda hit close to home I guess. You start off saying that you have been suffering depression for over seven years. So you've made it this far! That's amazing. Why did you hold on so long? There must've been a reason. Whatever that reason is, think about it. The reason I held on so long is because I have a lot of dreams I want to pursue in life, and it's not fair to myself to end it when times get tough. There's a reason you held on, so keep holding on. Things get better, I swear.
You don't want to get help, that makes me think that you feel like nothing will help anymore, so it's useless. We can't do it alone, but at the same time, we can't rely on other people to fix us, we can't rely on medication to fix us. A lot of people do, and then they are disappointed. Help starts with you. You have to want the help. You have to want to get better, and you have to believe that things will get better if you give it the chance. If you don't, nothing will ever help. You have to want to live, you have to want to kick this depression's ass, and not let it break you. You have to find out what helps you. I highly suggest you look into Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), that is something that truly helps. You can google it for more information, since I don't know how to send links on here. I don't believe in medication unless it is absolutely crucial. I have been on many a medication and I developed a neurological disorder as a result of it called tardive dyskinesia. So medication is no longer an option for me. That's scary. Mental hospitals keep you safe, so if you feel like you are a danger to yourself, call 911. They don't necessarily help in the long run, but they do teach DBT. I have done a lot of things to help myself, and when it didn't, I also felt like you.
Some of the things that I found have helped me are:
* Laughing. Making other people laugh. There's this quote I love: "You have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy." ~Ken Kesey
* A sense of humor.
* Surrounding myself with friends. Making friends.
* Distracting myself.
* Taking some deep breaths. Looking in the mirror and telling myself tomorrow will be better. I'm doing the best I can.
* Hugs. Ask someone for a hug! First hug is from me *cyber hug*. Physical touch is so healing.
* Reach out for help, and I know you said not to tell you that, but even reaching out to a friend for help is also good. We cannot do it alone, even though we wish we could. I fake smiles a lot too. A lot of my friends can see through the fake smiles, and I love them for that. People want to help. There is help out there. So many people don't want to worry others with their depression, so they pretend to be fine and happy. You're not doing anyone any favors by pretending to be fine. I'm sure they want to help. I'm sure they wouldn't want you to be in this kind of pain. If you already feel like you are about to commit suicide, imagine the kind of worry they will be in if they find you unconscious, and didn't have the slightest clue that you were going through hell. People care.
* Writing in a journal helps a lot. Spill your heart out, just like you did here. Write down your pain.
* Cry. A good cry is all we need sometimes.
* Funny YouTube videos
* Going for a walk or a run. Enjoying nature's beauty. Working out has also been proven to help with depression in many, many cases.
* Music. Some songs that have been helpful for me are:
"Nobody's Home" by: Avril Lavigne
"Bring on the rain" by: Jo Dee Messina
"Beauty in the broken" by: Hyland (I'm not a Christian, but there is beauty in the broken, and it's an amazing, amazing song. Let someone hold you through it.)
"Born to be somebody" by: Justin Bieber
Your question: don't you have the right to end your life right now? I have asked this many times in the past, and I have heard people asking this. The answer to that has always been a scared face not knowing what to say. A very scared face from a loved one. The answer is no. You don't. I heard that once, and it actually helped so much. You have to fight. You don't have a choice. Keep telling yourself that. I'm not a person that has the greatest life and doesn't understand depression and suicidal feelings and sits there behind a screen telling you to live with this pain. I have battled depression for years and I'm bipolar so it always comes back, but guess what, it passes again... You don't have the right, first of all, because you don't want to kill yourself, the depression wants to kill you. You don't deserve to die. So no. Mr. Depression doesn't have the right to end YOUR life. The question should be, don't you have the right to live right now? Yes. You're not alive right now. You deserve to live. You don't deserve to die. You don't deserve to hurt. You deserve to be happy. The kind of pain your loved ones will be in if you end it here, is something you do not want to put them through. I always thought it was kind of selfish for them to expect me to live in pain, but you really do not want to put them through it. But mostly, if you end it, that is the end to your existence. You don't exist anymore. That is not fair to YOU. Things cannot get better for you anymore. You will never experience true joy, true love, nothing. It's over. Right now, you might think that is exactly what you want, for it to be over, but I think you just want the pain to be over.
You are NEVER too lost to be saved. Tell yourself that a million times a day. You are very precious, and there's a reason you are here. There is. Going through the unimaginable torture that you are going through right now, will make you a very strong, kind, understanding person once you come out of this state, and you will be able to help and heal other people. I know it's a cliche, but what doesn't kill you, really truly does make you stronger. Take it one hour at a time. One day at a time is sometimes too overwhelming to think about. So one minute at a time, one hour at a time. Just make it through the hour. Stay alive. Then make it through another hour.
I have seen this post on Facebook recently.
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day. Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet. It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
Remember this quote too: "Deep inside of you is more strength than you've ever known."
You should know this is true since you have battled depression for seven years and you're still here.
You've got one life. No one can replace you.
Again, I will reiterate what I said before: we can't always do it alone. Start by reaching out to a friend or family member.
Good luck! Hang in there!
Hopefully I have distracted you for a bit with my very long answer :)
Have a day!
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
I've become friends with someone in Japan and have been talking to him for the past four-five months. The thing is that I'm 18 and he's 33. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. He started calling me "sister" and telling me that he loved me. I thought it was more of a sibling kind of love since he called me "sister." It began to get awkward when he started talking about seeing me and us living together. When I asked him how he really felt about me he said that he wanted to "make a love" with me. I explained that I didn't feel the same way and he shouldn't have referred to me as his sibling if felt that way. I told him that I was already in a relationship and thought it would end from there. The only thing that DID end was my title as "sister." After a while he began, again, telling me how much he loves me and wants to see me.
I will admit that it's partially my fault for not giving a stronger "no", and I do enjoy only some of the attention he gives me, but I can't stand hurting other people's feelings. The last time I dealt with something like this someone threatened their own life. He's also my friend and I don't know if he'd stop talking to me because of how I feel. What exactly am I suppose to do?
Hey there!
No good person likes to hurt other people's feelings. It sucks. But you need to take care of yourself here, you need to say a strong "no". If he is a friend of yours, he will understand and respect your wishes... As for people threatening taking their life because of you, that happens sometimes and it's not because of you. Some people might say that to manipulate someone or make them feel guilty, which it worked on you, since you now feel guilty to face this Japanese guy and say what you feel, or actually what you don't feel. Someone threatening to take their life can often be because they are very, very unstable or depressed and need to get help, and this has nothing to do with you. If possible, try to make sure that the person gets the help they need if that happens again, but remember, this is not on you!
I really, truly don't like songs that talk about how "I would die without you." Or "I can't live without you." Etc... You can't live without oxygen. You can live without a former crush or lover... No one should ever depend on another person to make them happy or "save their life." Relationships can often be a fantastic part of life, and something that enhances your life, but they should never BE your life, but a lot of people depend on other people to make them happy or save them, so unfortunately things like that happen, and lots of actual suicides happen too.
For him to talk about living together and making love after only knowing you for a couple of months, plus considering the age gap... I find it very very suspicious and weird, it happens a lot, a lot, a lot though. I don't think you can really love a person without seeing their darkest of sides and still loving them... I honestly doubt he loves you.
You need to protect yourself and say what you have to say to him. A friend will always understand and respect your feelings or lack of feelings, and if he threatens suicide, that is NOT YOUR FAULT! You always come first. Everyone should put themselves and their own feelings first.
What do you really know about this guy? Think about it. It would kinda freak me out a little if this happened to me. He should respect the fact that you are in a relationship. Tell him exactly what you wish that you could if it didn't hurt his feelings. Don't think about hurting his feelings. It is important that you are honest in a nice, but firm way. I would even talk to my boyfriend about it if I was in your situation.
It's always nice to get attention from someone and to hear nice things someone says they feel for us.
I understand that, but if he does care for you he will understand that you don't feel the same.
Remember, take your feelings only into consideration when you give him the strong "no" you didn't last time. Remember also that sometimes we meet super weird and crazy people on the internet. Just make sure you take care of yourself.
It's about you and your wishes. If he is a true friend of yours he will respect that even if it would hurt him and never make you feel guilty about it. It's only gonna get more and more uncomfortable for you if you don't tell him you see him as a friend only.
Good luck!
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
My life has simply gone from bad to worse. Not in a dramatic sort of way, but gradually. I'm a freshman college girl with no idea as to what she is going to do with her future; this has me stressing over what to do - you see I change my mind about nearly everything from one day, to the next. Today I want to be a vet, but tomorrow I want to be a writer, then the next day I want to be a marine biologist, etc, etc. My parents owe a restaurant to which I am supposed to be “comitted" to, but I don't want to. This makes me feel selfish and irresponsible, plus lazy. I don't like being a waitress and the emotional stress one goes through sometimes is not a joke. My sleeping pattern is f***d up, seeing as how I go to sleep super late (think 3-5am) and wake up at 6:00am to go to class at 7:30, then sleep during the day. I don't go out much which isolates me slightly. I get extremely jealous of my roommate who has been friends with me since 7th grade - she's organized, smart, pretty, funny, social, kind, has a lot of experience in traveling, has worked for important people and attracts guys much better than me. Everything I'm not. The reason why I get hostile feelings towards her is because she reminds me of this everytime I see her. I'm shy, not good at much, get distracted easily, never finish things I start, I forget things easily, I can be dependable, I have the body of a thirteen year old boy, and seem to fail at nearly everything I do. Im fed up with my life and sometimes feel trapped. But these feelings are temporary - they come and go. Sometimes, I get so fed up, that thoughts of not continuing do pass my mind. I feel like nobody needs me and that I'm worthless in more ways than one. I mean I do nothing of importance, I don't help people, so why stay? I just... feel like I'm falling in a hole and I only seem to sink further in, not crawl out.
Hey there!
A lot of people your age face issues of not knowing what they want to do with their lives, but you need to realize that you don't have to have it all figured out right now. You are starting to think about the future, and you should, but just take some deep breaths and relax. You still have time to figure it out. I'm around your age too, and I do know what I want to do with my life, but a lot of my friends don't. It's ok! Just focus on college right now, because if you have an education and college diploma that will be looked at very favorably in the eyes of future employers. Having a college degree doesn't necessarily guarantee a future, but it's the best you can do. Education is what you should focus on right now.
Adequate sleep is tremendously important!! I know when I get too little sleep, I am irritable and in a bad mood, and everything just seems overwhelming. So part of your feelings like you're falling in a hole and being so fed up is probably lack of sleep. You need enough sleep!
I can relate to a lot of your feelings; I used to feel like that A LOT. It's pretty much about attitude. Attitude is everything. Try to maintain a positive attitude and self image. It is something that needs to be learned and constantly practiced and even I struggle with it all the time. When things get too stressful, just take some deep breaths, relax, tell yourself that it's gonna be ok. You'll be ok. It will pass. The difficult times always pass.
As a college freshman, you are just starting your life. Adult life. Life is very hard sometimes and very unfair, and some people seem to have it all, and some people feel worthless and all alone in the world. But you're not alone. You will always have yourself, and that is the one person you can always count on. So now is the time to become the person you would like to live with for the rest of your life.
You are not worthless.
One of my favorite quotes is:
Remember that everyone you encounter was created by divine intelligence, and has an important role to play in the universe. Treat them as such. ~Tara Sophia Mohr.
I'm sure you have met your beautiful self many times in the mirror. You have an important role to play in the universe, so treat yourself as such. No one likes when people treat them bad, or say bad stuff about them, or say they are worthless, but most people are their own worst enemy and say those things to themselves. So don't be mean to yourself! Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is telling myself that the world needs me, and right now I may constantly be knocked down by life and some of the people in my life I must put up with, but one day I will play my important role in the universe. I believe it. So I can never give up, and I don't. So you have to believe you're precious, and you have to learn to love yourself.
I think you should talk to someone. Whether it's a therapist, a close friend, a family member, write in a journal, whatever you think will make you feel better. It helps to just let it all out.
Life is very difficult sometimes, and sometimes literally only for a little bit, and then it gets better. You know things get better. Life has its ups and downs and we all have it. I know what it's like to be shy, I used to be painfully shy. I felt like I was in a prison and isolated from everyone. It didn't help that no one ever took any interest in me or started a conversation. Once you become an adult, you automatically get less shy because you have to. I pulled a full 180 on that one, but I very strongly urge you to go out, and try to meet new people and make new friends, and not let the gloomy feelings get the best of you. You deserve the best life you can have. You deserve to be treated right. Especially you should treat yourself right.
We all feel like completely giving up sometimes and just feeling fed up, and just being like "screw it! I've had enough!" So you're not alone in that. Just take it one day at a time. Tomorrow is another day. Don't think about tomorrow when you feel like it's too much. Just focus on today, make it through today. Get some beauty rest, and then wake up tomorrow and again, take it one day at a time...
One quote also that has been very true for me with my shyness and feeling so incredibly isolated is:
And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
(Anais Nin)
Also, you are an adult, so you don't NEED to work for your parents. Sit down with them and have a calm, frank talk about this. About what you said on here. That's their life; if you want a different life for yourself, you get to choose what you want to do with your life. It's your life. Tell them how you feel.
Good luck!
I wish you all the best always, but only you yourself can give yourself the best life. Try to work on all the negative feelings you have for yourself and please talk to someone. We can't always do it alone.
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
(see how much I talk now? Ha! Seriously, good luck!)
P.S. About what you said, one the reasons you are jealous of your friend is that she attracts guys more than you, well if I know one thing from my guy friends (and I have a lot), a confident girl who is herself and confident in who she is, is the sexiest kind of girl.
Hi guys! So For a really long time (at least three years) I've been crazy worried about my weight. I'm female, 5'9, and weigh 136lbs. I almost never eat over 950 calories unless I'm out of town for the day, and I go to the gym and work off around 150-200 calories. On days I don't go to the gym, I eat around 700. Today I ate 644 calories. My mom thinks I may be giving myself low blood sugar, and my dad thinks Ive put myself into starvation mode, and I think it may be an eating disorder. The thing about this is, I have another condition that makes me pass out more often than normal, and when I eat too few calories I black out and sometimes pass out. What will happen if I continue eating like this? And is low calorie intake the same thing as under eating? I know calories is what you need to live, so does anyone have an answer? And by the way, I honestly don't think I can stop this eating habit, just in case some say eat food with higher calories. Thank you in advance!
Hey there!
You appear to weigh very little for your height, and I kinda understand what you're going through a little bit, because I eat around 700-900 calories a day, because I've been very sick and it's physically hard for me to eat. Nothing about starvation. Too much food just doesn't fit in my body, and people tell me I don't eat enough, but I can't eat more. I'm really tiny. So what I try to make sure is that I eat healthy when I do eat, and when I'm hungry, I eat! No excuses!
In general, most people that starve themselves end up gaining weight... If you black out or pass out, that is truly unhealthy, so when you feel faint, make sure to eat something! Again, when you're hungry, EAT! But try to make sure you eat enough before you start feeling faint.
A low calorie "obsession" sounds like an eating disorder. You'll have to see someone who specializes in eating disorders to know if you have one. People get seriously ill not only from overeating, but also from under eating. You know you are under eating when you black out or pass out from hunger...
What will happen if you continue eating like this? I don't think you can go on like that forever and again, people end up gaining weight. You could become anorexic and I have friends who have been hospitalized for that. It's not fun. At all.
For me, it's physically hard to eat, but I know that when I do eat in moderation I feel better instantly and have more energy. Under eating has been linked to depression and anxiety, and low blood sugar like your mom said, and other unpleasant, difficult illnesses.
I saw a pretty funny post recently:
Remember a time before Facebook when no one cared what you had for breakfast? They still don't.
And it had a picture of a very lavish breakfast.
I think you should get help, because it's not healthy at all.
The way you look really doesn't matter to anyone.
Those who mind, don't matter.
Those who matter, don't mind.
~Dr. Suess
Just remember that. In life in general.
Good luck!
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
ive been pretty depressed for a while... i got my first bf in feb. 2014 and we broke up last week. also my frinds started fighting and hating eachother. i lost my only 5 frinds that i had made since 1rst grade. i started getting bad grades on my report cards and im getting made fun of for it. im just 10 years old but i cut myself and hav suicidal thoughts... please give me advice.
Hey there!
First of all, boys can cause a great deal of pain to a girl. A ten year old should not have a boyfriend, it's way too young, as you can see the effect it's having on you. That's my opinion. I know one thing, ever since I have started being involved with boys, life has been full of drama and breakups and terrible heartbreak. A ten year old is not strong enough to deal with this. Most relationships end. Even while they last, relationships have huge fights. Part of the reason you are depressed and suicidal is because you say your friends hate each other and fight, well in boyfriend/girlfriend relationships it's not all roses, and there is a lot of fighting, sometimes more brutal fighting than platonic fighting. A ten year old does not need drama like that in her life.
As you go through life, and at ten years old you have your whole life ahead of you, you will find these situations of breakups, and friends fighting, and bad grades keep repeating themselves again and again and again. It's very, truly depressing and painful, but life goes on and the bad situations do pass and get better. Life is very hard sometimes, and very fantastic sometimes. Life is beautiful, but life is not a bowl of cherries, but we learn to deal with the hard parts, because it only makes us stronger.
I think you have learnt from an early age how life is very, very unfair sometimes. At ten years old, I had no friends. When I got older, I made great friends, and then I lost them ALL. It has torn me apart and also made me very depressed. My predicaments of my youngers years have turned me into an amazing, kind, understanding person and friend today and my friends are crazy about me.
You NEED to talk to your parents about how you feel, because you need someone to help you. When we feel depressed like this, it's really very hard to believe that things will get better. But they will. I still remember being ten, and that was almost ten years ago, and now I am so much stronger and content with who I am because of my very difficult past.
So remember:
When we get depressed we need to reach out for help. Talk to your parents or school counselor about how you feel. You can also keep a journal and write down your feelings. I really don't think you are ready to date at ten years old. Boys at that age are just horny. Surround yourself with good friends, and work hard for good grades, and never give up! Life gets better and the pain always passes. Now is the time to learn what you will do when life gives you lemons. I used to squeeze the lemons in people's eyes, but a very dear friend has taught me to make wine and say "magic!"
And magic will happen once you get help and focus on yourself and getting better, because you do not deserve to be in the kind of unimaginable pain people that hurts themselves are in. Nobody deserves that.
I wish you all the best always!
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
Try to imagine a woman like this and tell me if you think she's an absolutely abysmal mother. She has a whole mess of children including eight sons and a daughter. She was prone to multiple births and was going to quit after she finally had a girl, but was surprised with triplet sons.
She loves all of her so, so very much that she can hardly stand it. She loves EACH of them so much that she would die for any one of them without thinking about it. She loves them equally, but she's having trouble understanding a particular emotion she's having.
Not all of the kids have the same father. Her third son, Luke had a father who was murdered 17 years ago. Because of this, Luke's mother has always been terribly protective of him, more so than the other kids, and doesn't know why. She doesn't love him more that the other kids and his father's murderer is dead, so it's not like she can come after him, but she's still so crippled by the fear of losing him as she is about losing one of the other kids, but in a different way. It's not like it'd be worse than losing one of the other kids as she does not value his life any more than theirs, which makes this feeling so much more confusing.
She had a dream on night that two of her sons, Luke and Shane (one of the triplets) were in an accident recently. They were hit by a truck driven by a man that was having a heart attack at the time. It wasn't as bad of an accident as it sounds like as the truck wasn't moving very fast.
Luke suffered a few broken ribs and two bruised lungs, but was never in danger. Shane wasn't as lucky, but wasn't terribly unlucky either. He had broken ribs, bruised and punctured lungs, a crushed lower right leg, a broken wrist, and a cracked elbow. Both boys were basically guaranteed to survive, but Shane's situation was scarier, or should have been anyway. He had to have surgery to repair some bleeding in his chest and abdomen and got out of surgery right about the time mom got to the hospital.
She got to see Luke first and although she felt like she was in Hell when she heard about the accident, she was in Heaven when she saw Luke sitting up, looking at her, and talking to her. She had to be careful of his chest, but being able to hug his neck and head was one of if not THE greatest feeling she's ever had in her life.
Then she went to Shane's room. He was still unconscious from have been anesthetized, he was on a ventilator until the anesthesia wore off, and he was just heartbreaking to look at. It was definitely not the good feeling she got when she went into Luke's room.
Shane started breathing on his own the next morning and woke up a few hours later (they had him pretty sedated). Seeing this was an unbelievable delight for his mother. She was so happy, but it was a different kind of happy than when she saw that Luke was okay. Not less happy, just different happy.
When she woke up from this dream, she felt like a terrible, terrible mother and is wondering why she's feeling this way. She can't help but assume it's related to what happened to Luke's father. She has a few theories about why this could be happening including that she associates Luke with feelings of loss more than the other kids because she lost his father. Perhaps The thought of him becoming the victim of an act of violence angers hers terribly because of what happened to his dad. Or perhaps she just couldn't wait for him to become a man and reach the age his father was at the time of his death. She wanted to see how much he was like his dad and didn't want anything to happen to him before that could happen.
Why do YOU think this happens and do you think this woman is an absolutely terrible, pathetic mother?
Hey there!
I will start off by saying that I am NOT a mother! But this much I can tell you, you are not a terrible mother. Trust your theories, because while I was reading it, those exact theories were running through my mind, so I think those theories definitely have truth to them.
Those feelings sound so natural in a situation like this. I don't find them surprising. I cannot imagine it, but you basically figured out some potential theories yourself.
I think you will do the best thing for yourself, and Luke, and Shane, and all your other beautiful kids by seeing a therapist to discuss the tragedy with Luke's father, and the tremendous effect it has had on your mental health. I would say the trauma was really bad for you to even feel like a terrible mother because of how protective you are of Luke now. Discuss the dream. Talking to someone helps a lot, and it doesn't always have to be a therapist, because I know a lot of people don't want to see one, but also venting to a friend helps TREMENDOUSLY. But if you want to understand your dream better, and have the answer to your theories, and hear from a trained professional that you are not a terrible mother, and why you are even feeling like that, and how to deal with all of it, I am seriously hoping you go see a mental health professional, as well as talking to friends!!
There seems to be so much raw trauma.
So many conflicting, painful feelings.
So much guilt where there should be none.
This is genuinely one of most heartbreaking stories I have heard on here.
I'm sorry :(
Look into the mirror and tell yourself: I am a good mother!
When you hug your kids, whisper to yourself: I am a good mother!
When you make them dinner, or pack their lunches before they are off to school say to yourself: I am a good mother!
Hug each one of your kids, spend time with each one of your kids, and say to yourself: I am a good mother!
You are a good mother. You need help. You will be an even better, stronger mother and person if you get help.
One more thing I can tell you: You are amazingly brave.
Good luck!
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
I apologize in advance, my ordering of events and questions is far cry from perfect. But I try to get necessary information in with the question in proximity. I hope that is an understandable action.
I "met" this girl roughly a year and a half ago, and in the beginning it was a generally good chatting, maybe mild flirting ( I still deny being a flirt, or a good one.) She would send me images of herself(With clothing, always), all the random emoticon, usually pertaining to affection, and similar things. ( Which also occurs now) I had gained feelings for her, but not anything too serious. Then at some point, a lull occurred, and we didn't talk for 5 months.
( This would be a fair time to point out, She is in Romania, and I in America. So this has never been anything physical, solely words and emotion. That sounds cheesy..)
Now, fast forwarding to say the past few weeks, we talk daily most of the time. usually it is me to initiate it, but whenever we start to talk she engages. Now, sometimes she will read what I say, but never reply. This can vary from a serious question to how are you. And after about a day(or less) I will ask what happened and she always gives me a reason, and she is never upset with me saying something again. Is this normal for someone to repeatedly not answer a message for so long?
Now, to focus on the subject a bit more, very recently she had a realization of how much I had grown to care for her. And how she never knew how much I really meant it.(She went through the brief "oh my I didn't know" stage.) In the time since we began speaking again, I had grown a much greater affinity for her, despite the not answering, and the interlacing moments of where she barely replied when she did. Does this seem logical to happen?
Now, the thing that sort of takes the cake, is she made this realization, 5 days after having a new boyfriend.(I was unaware prior.) so, all this time before, she still would show affection, or say some of the ridiculous pet names we'd give another. This raises a question: Does this mean she'd be flirtatious with other guys had we kinda gotten together?(Emotional/status manner, since the distance.) Would this be a girl I should stay interested in? - While in a not so great moment of disagreement, I had asked if she would like me to go, stop talking with her, and she had answered no, that I am special and she doesn't want to lose touch again. I like to believe there is sincerity in that, and to take comfort in it. But not all of her stories have added up. But any of those have mostly been trivial. And I suppose not every single little thing should be answered. I wonder if I am fooling myself to look past those or not.
So, after this extremely long description, I'd like to know your input. Should I keep caring and talking with this girl? Should I let so many things bother me?(Knowing the person you care for has a boyfriend that can and is probably actively putting his hands on her, among other things, is somewhat unsettling. As an example.) Or maybe should I move on?
Simultaneously, I don't want to actively be a bar in her new relationship, as much as that could potentially please me. I don't want to be that type of guy. Things like I see her more active on the social media we talk on, but whenever I say something, it's isn't quickly acknowledged, so I can make the assumption she is talking with him. So I don't want to butt in and become an annoyance while she is talking with him.(Only an assumption)
I feel overall this may be too far, or maybe I am just willing to admit it really does bother me.
Thanks in advance for input! And hopefully not excessive insult with profanity. I am sincere in my questions, and sincerely unsure what to do.
Brian 19/M
Her 17/F
Hey Brian!
I seriously don't curse much on here, but the situation is f***ed up. I have been in situations like this so many times and it's always heartbreak. Not only ends in it, but the whole relationship is just heartbreak too. You seem to have strong feelings for her, and you are letting her treat you like a nothing.
I can tell you are not happy with this relationship at all with every ? you type.
I don't think she feels the same things you feel for her. In fact, I'm fairly certain she doesn't. And that is a brutal pill to have to swallow. If someone truly matters to you, you respond to their texts!! No excuses! Don't ever make excuses for other people. It's so hurtful when they don't reply! I know that!
I have a close friend with big texting issues, and one day I had enough and said "you will have to get better because there are some things I do not put up with."
I got tons of emails from him the next day. Sometimes people have issues like that and those issues can literally get UNBEARABLE. So tell it to her to her face that you cannot put up with this behavior and hot and cold situation, because I think Brian, that you know you can't put up with it forever.
My friend's issue is just bad communication. So when it gets too much I tell it to his face, and he always tries to get better.
Is she worth your time? No! Your emotions? HELL NO!! You are already hurt by this.
All your questions, is this normal? Is this logical? I mean her not telling you about the new boyfriend. I say RUN BRIAN RUNN!!
Do not invest any time or effort or anything at all. I honestly don't think she feels the same way, and it'll just keep getting worse.
And hearing about your situation is very sad, because my closest friend has similar long distance issues with his online crushes.
If I know one thing from my guy friends is how they really want and need a woman's love. She is giving you no love, Brian. You deserve to be loved, you deserve someone who appreciates you and both your feelings are mutual, and to her, you will be her hero. That's the woman that will love you.
Honestly this girl is not worth another minute of your time. If we start making excuses for other people, thats when we know it's bad. Unsure of what to do? Cut her out of your life. I would. You could totally be right in everything you suspected might even be happening back in Romania.
This is sad. Get the hell out of her life. Run!
Best of luck, remember to never settle, ever! Find someone who really wants to be with you and hang out with you, and someone that is crazy about you and you are her Prince Charming.
Good luck! Let her go, sweetie! I'm sorry this sucks. :(
Wishing you all the best, just dont settle for people that treat you like you weren't a priority to them at all.
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
hey, so I met this girl a few months ago, and we've been dating. the only problem is, we live about 2 hours away. I love making her happy, so I was wondering something I could text her to make her day, that would make us love each other even more (kind of impossible though) I'm 14 and I'm a guy, so i would mind a girl around my age's advice please :)
Hey there!
Dragonflymagic is a favorite columnist of mine. She answered your question in detail. She rocks pretty much!
I am 19, is that still "around your age?" Haha. Well, I can tell you this, waking up to a text from a favorite person, whether it's a close friend, especially a boyfriend/girlfriend, well to wake up and see that text will literally make your whole day sometimes. So try texting her at a time that she will get it when she wakes up. You can just say "good morning! I hope you have a fantastic day. Thinking of you..."
Also, this goes out to ALL guys "texting your girl is important!" Girls like when you are texting them first.
When we aren't with people we love, it's always nice to get a text from that person that says "I miss you!"
One of my closest friends just moved away which is super hard for me, but I still remember him texting me "I MISS YOUUU!!!!" the first time we texted after he left. It was in all caps and I still remember it.
Also, when we aren't with people we love, well texting is great, a text first thing in the morning... um... amazing!! but I think Skype is ten million times better most of the time. Texts too! I just know that Skype helps immensely.
I like when you added (kind of impossible though) about loving each other more. You can always make her happier though! Love always grows deeper even when we think that is not possible to love a person more than we already do.
To make her day? Pretty much this will do it:
* Texts in the morning.
* Unexpected texts that say I miss you at random times when you really really miss her.
That's what I know totally makes my day, or makes a bad day better and it makes me smile for a long time.
Also, everything that Dragonflymagic said.
You also seem like a very nice boyfriend and you love to make her happy, so tell her that you love to make her happy, tell her all the good things you feel for her, and what you admire in her. And I know that some people think that saying "I love you" too many times will make it less special. But if we love someone, we should tell it to them, and it's nice to end a conversation like that too. When has a person saying I love you not made you feel fantastic, ya know?
BUT NEVER EVER SAY I LOVE YOU TO SOMEONE IF YOU DONT TRULY TRULY TRULY MEAN IT!!
So only say it if you know that you really love her. You said you love each other, so if you know you love her, always let her know she is loved, and you don't always necessarily have to say it, but also find ways to show it.
Good luck!
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
hi! im 19 years of age and i am a girl.I truly love my boyfriend more than anything else in this world.i love spending time with him.i spend most of my time everyday with him.we are always together.is it healthy to spend too much time with your boyfriend making love and etc? should I give him some space?
Hey there!
I very much agree with the two previous answers. But also, you should have a life outside of the relationship. It sounds like this is a new relationship, so it's normal for two new lovers to always want to spend time together. But I honestly don't think it's healthy to always be together. For now, it's fine, but it doesn't last. Eventually you will both need to spend some hours of the day apart, living your own lives. Make sure to surround yourself with friends! Friends are important. To me they are actually more important than romantic relationships. That's just me. It's also cool to be able to talk about your relationship with your friends. Girlfriends are important. So if you have girlfriends, make sure to hang out with them! Have a girls night out and talk about your guys. You can brag and have fun! Make sure you surround yourselves with friends. I'm also 19. I'm an adult and I have a lot of responsibilities now like school and my career. If you have an amazing relationship, that is the best addition to your life. But it shouldn't be your entire life. You need space too. Your need your own life too, just like he needs his. From what I've gathered, he is the BEST thing that has happened to you. He enhances your life. But he shouldn't BE YOUR LIFE.
I know from experience that after a while, even if it's not right now, and it might really be months and months, but you might start feeling suffocated. So I don't think it's healthy in the long run to spend all your time together AT ALL!
Should you give him some space? Talk to him about it. How much space he needs, and also how he feels about you two always being together.
To sum it up: you really need to have a life outside of the relationship if it's gonna last. If this is a new relationship, it's completely normal to ALWAYS wanna be together. You two should definitely talk about it! I think you'll feel better and have your answers.
Good luck! I wish you all the best always!
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
Im the one who asked earlier.. and no he wasn't wearing a condom although he didn't go in too deep.
Hey there!
Take a pregnancy test, sweetie!
Remember to always make him wear a condom. I know when things get heated it's not always the first thing on people's minds. I have heard of people getting pregnant by their lovers being inside for 60 seconds, even if it was their first time.
You could be pregnant, you could not be pregnant. Try to find out ASAP. Remember for next time, better safe than sorry.
Wishing you all the best!
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
So my boyfriend recently put his penis inside me but did not cum inside me neither did we have sex.. and I had just finished my period..I am a bit worried whether I maybe pregnant or its just paranoia plz help im desperate
Hey there!
There is one question I really have. Was he wearing a condom? If someone has unprotected penetration, well the guy doesn't need to cum, nor does he need to be inside long, but the girl can still get pregnant. So I don't know if he was wearing a condom, I hope he was! Just take a pregnancy test, because things like that are truly nervewracking.
I am going to say this in case he was not wearing a condom:
You should always have protected sex not only to prevent pregnancy as much as possible, but also to prevent the transmission of STDs.
Please have safe sex if you are, or are starting to be sexually active! Even if you are not pregnant right now, if the guy doesn't wear a condom, sooner or later, you will find yourself pregnant.
Good luck!
I know not one thing I said was pretty, but it's what you need to hear.
I hope it turns out alright!! Taking a pregnancy test is what I would do, honestly.
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
Hy bro my name is honey I live in Pakistan lahore
I have a good relationship with my girlfriend
From 4 year but I can't do sex with her because she
Don't want to sex from for year ago ? She always
Said me that she's not type of that all girls
Who do sex ? But I want to do sex with her
So plz tell me who I forced her to do sex
With me ? Give me some tips ? Take care a lot
I am waiting for ur ans ?
Go adviceman49! He basically spelled it out for you.
I hope you hear me loud and clear!
SEX IS NOT THE ANSWER! SEX IS THE QUESTION, AND YES IS THE ANSWER!
She said NO!
If you really want sex and won't give up, find someone who does want to have sex with you.
Having a good relationship with your girlfriend means NO SEXUAL HARASSMENT!
Respecting her, her body, and her wishes!
The English word "FORCE" is a strong word. To force sex is rape. Rape is a crime. Rape is a terrible trauma.
Here in the US, sexual harassment is also illegal. It makes the victim feel unsafe among other very scary feelings.
She is your girlfriend, respect her, and you can ask her if she is open to any other stuff like lots of kissing, cuddling, etc. if you don't already do that.
My girlfriend wants me to finger her, but I don't know how to transition from kissing to start touching her.
Hey there!
Dragonflymagic basically answered your question, and she is so right and goes into detail.
I just wanna stress that when you are trying to please someone, the best way to accomplish that is to ask them how they like it. They know their bodies. If you wanna have the best chance of giving her great pleasure ask her how and where! And also, you get better with experience.
And in general, when you are with someone, always make it your own. Make it special. Make it you. Please them like you would wanna be pleased yourself and don't be shy to admit that you don't have much or any experience.
Tell her that you would like to learn what she likes.
Good luck! STAY SAFE!!
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
im 18 and his 30. hes married and soon going to be a father too. hes my college teacher. 2 months ago we started talking. and we talk like best best friends. recently he started saying i loveyou. even i say it.but for me its in a best friend manner. i like him. every girl in college does. we flirt too but its just for fun. he has dropped me home twice. yesterday we went for a long drive and while coming he held my hand for about 3-4 mins as he was driving. he dropped me home. and later he texted me saying that "i wanted to hug u". and his next message was im not sure whether its right or not. then later while coming back home we were quiet fr sumtym. so he texted me sayn that "i think we were quiet because we both wanted to come close to each other. i may be wrong also" i replied saying i dnt think that this is the reason for the silence.he then was like im eally sorry for that msg. im feeling bad. im feeling akward and so on. i dont know wether i shud trust him or not.i dont know whats goin on in his head. please help
Hey there!
Well honestly what I would do, and probably the best thing to do is always be up front and honest. Tell him what you wrote on here.
Ask him what's going on in his head. You don't know. We don't know. It's what I do. I confront people in a kind way, and ask them about their actions and words that are confusing me. That way I have answers.
It's hard for a lot of people to do that. But it works and you deserve to know what he meant. I have had similar experiences and I always ask what that person meant, either when they said "I love you," or actions that confuse me. I might feel like I'm being unfair sometimes because they might feel self conscious about explaining this stuff to me, but I know that that is the ONLY way to know, and stop asking myself what they possibly meant. Certain things are just not fair to be left unexplained. Then I hug it out.
Good luck!
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
(oh I sign off that way, if you are confused heehee)
Seriously, good luck!
Let him know why you are asking. It's not to make him self conscious. Then you can give him a hug so he knows that you love him, but also understands very well in what way you love him.
I'm Mckenzie And 11 years old. I asked a question to someone else and sorted it out. But I need help. I own a business and my previous question was bout how to run it. I figured it out. I need to know is it stressful? Using really?
Today I had to
write 3 paragraphs and rewrite 4 .
give 5 45 min English lessons.
Hire 2 employees.
make 3 articles and maintain 3 blogs.
this was a non busy day and also I cannot cut down
is this stressful or m I just paranoid?
Mckenzie, this sounds awfully stressful, but I don't think you should quit, cuz it's something you seem to love.
I don't have enough information about what kind of work you are doing exactly, but I know a typical 11 year old doesn't have a job. I think it's really awesome, but only until it becomes something you absolutely need to do, cuz then it doesn't sound like much fun.
I really don't know the situation. Maybe you should hire someone to help you? I'm sure you have school and other responsibilities, that are actual responsiblities an 11 year old has to have.
This sounds fantastic to do when you have time.
That would be my advice. Again, I'm not sure why you are doing it, what it is, and why you HAVE to do it and can't cut down. That sounds awfully stressful. Being an adult, and holding a job is something adults have to do. But you're 11, sweetie. If someone is forcing you to keep this job and not getting any breaks, well I'm pretty sure that's illegal.
Good luck!
Thanks for asking for my advice.
I always accept any additional questions or questions in general in my advicenators inbox. I will try to answer what I can. :)
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
Lately I've been feeling really gloomy. I've asked lots of people online for advice, and they suggest I might be depressed. I'm kinda swapping back and forth with the idea, and I've taken test online and they say Im depressed. The thing is, even when I feel well, I just about always prefer depressing stories, movies, songs, anything depressing. I' even seem to enjoy it after I experience pain. My mom was even speaking to me a few months ago how that wasn't normal. I know I've had depression in the past for personal reasons, and I know it was severe then, and I know what I'm feeling now isn't nothing like what is was then. I haven't experienced any kind of tragic event, and this has been going on all week. Is there some way I could find out for sure if I have depression without some multiple test or going off to see a professional? I try too keep this kind of thing from my parents too. Anything I can do besides that?
Hey there!
Do you have depression? Only a doctor can diagnose you with that. Are you depressed? Sounds like it. I am impressed that you are recognizing that you don't feel like yourself these days, and you want to get better. Reading depressing stories, watching depressing movies, and listening to depressing songs can actually be really really good for you when you are in a dark mood. It's good to tap into what you are feeling. I really know my music, since I have been depressed for most of my life. I have songs that I can cry along with, and we know that sometimes all we need is a good cry. I can let it out that way. Sometimes a happy song will help immensely.
Taking a test online can be fairly accurate but also inaccurate as hell sometimes. I honestly think you should go see someone, especially if you don't want to talk to your parents about it. You need to talk to someone. Hear me when I say it. I will say it again, you need to talk to someone.
Keep a journal. For the sad, gloomy times, and also the happy times. You can also focus on yourself and do things that make you happy. Maybe take a break from things that you think potentially stress you out. I shut off my internet sometimes, and I just lay in bed and take deep breaths, and listen to the sound of my breathing, and notice my surroundings. For instance, I listen to the sound of the ceiling fan, and watch it, and listen to the sound of my cat purring. Be in the moment. Tomorrow is another day. Sometimes you have to take it one day at a time, sometimes when it gets bad, and it's happened to you, you literally have to take it one hour at a time.
I listen to classical music, soothing songs, or a lot of times sad songs that make me understand what I am feeling. I find that just listening to sounds of nature, like the sound of waves crashing on a stormy beach (there are nature sound albums and online radios have them too), and closing my eyes, and imagining that I am at the beach, and taking deep breaths, helps like you wouldn't believe.
Basically, what I accomplish with the above-mentioned soothing methods is taking some time off for myself whenever possible, not letting my depression get the best of me, and when it does, tap into it, and go to that dark place, and listen to those songs, and cry if it gets bad, and let myself feel, but I always emerge from that place. And I am in the moment! In that very moment I am listening to my breathing, listening to the sound of your own breathing has been known to soothe people, I am listening to great music with relatable lyrics, listening to my cat showing me how much she enjoys being by my side. Or in that moment, I am at the beach, anyone can be there with me in my mind if I want. I think about people that make me happy.
Try to find a hobby, something you are passionate about. Do stuff that makes you happy. Laugh! If you can't laugh, what I do, I make other people laugh, and I laugh with them.
You seem like the type of person that wants to be helped, and therapists will help immensely, but in addition to that, learn ways of coping with gloomy feelings when they are not available to talk. If you don't know how to soothe yourself, tell them! Ask them! They are trained in this stuff! Just make sure you find a good therapist. There are awesome ones, and also very bad ones. You have to be a good match.
Everyone experiences depression at one point in their life. Some people battle it all the time. It is always helpful if you learn what to do when you feel down at any point in your life and know what makes you feel better. It takes time, and you need people to help you. Especially if you have felt severely depressed in the past, it could very possibly get very bad again.
Good luck! You can message me with any additional questions if you want.
I hope you feel awesome soon!
xoxo
~alexisgirlie