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pregnant and not wanting the baby
i recently learned i am pregnant. so far, im thinkin its prolly a month and a half along. im 16, and there is NOOOOOOO way in the world i can have this baby. theres no way in the world i can tell anyone my boyfriend of over a year got me pregnant. my family's real good friends with his, and things just wouldnt be pretty. also, both our families are real religious and would drown us in all the 'sex before marriage is a sin' stuff. well, fact of the matter is, since we havent told anyone about it yet- i havent gone to a doctor. i know youre supposed to get prenatal care the second you find out youre pregnant- but i cant bring myself to tell anyone, and truthfully- i really dont want to have this baby. i will NOT have an abortion, but i think i might be having a miscarriage, or about to be having one. i have all of the symptoms. i guess my questions are;
1. how do i tell people?
2. how do i know for sure if im having a miscarriage?
and 3. am i a horrible person?
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Health?
1) By bearing in mind that if you don't say something now they'll find out in a few months anyway by which time your options are severely limited. If it's too hard to talk to your parents together try talking to yur mum on her own first. She will be upset, maybe angry, but her main priority is looking after you and that'll soon take over. You could start by talking to your doctor or Planned Parenthood before you tell your family to talk over your options with them and make up your own mind what you want to do before you have the pressure of your family's expectations put on you.
2)Generally you'd feel cramps and bleed. But at this stage I'd suggest you need a doctor to be sure yuo've actually miscarried. Asking this seems to suggest it's your preference but bear in mind that with a self-induced abortion your parents would pretty much definately find out(notice the bleeding and so on) and you'd be putting yourself in a lot of danger as you'd have no medical treatment usually available after an abortion. If you don't want the baby that much, have it done by professionals.
3) No, accidents unfortunately can happen when you're having sex and you're facing the pretty scary choices that come from that. I assume you were using birth control (if not then next time DO)and if so it's pretty much a case of bad luck. Personally I'd have to disagree with most advice on here and say I don't think sex before marriageis in itself a bad thing but you need to be able to deal with potential consequences like this. Considering all the confusion and lack of support maybe you want to think about whether you're actually ready before sleeping with your boyfriend again or at least have a discussion with him about "what would happen if...". If you can't have that talk with him then you definately shouldn't be having sex with him. x
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For your first question... Just tell them. Gather them together, take a deep breath, and tell them. Yes, there will be drama. Yes, they will probably be upset at first. But these are the consequences you have to face. You have made the decision to become an adult before your time, now it's time to face the adult world... And in the adult world there is a lot of drama and upset and worry and sacrifice and responsibility. Welcome! Aren't you glad you hurried up to get here?
You chose this path. You knew the risks, you took them anyway because you thought you knew best. Sex is an adult activity. You decided you were adult enough to participate in this adult activity. Now you need to grow up and accept the consequences like an adult.
When you tell your parents, let them know you are ready to accept responsibility for your actions. That should go a long way in helping them with the news. Who knows, after the initial shock, they might even like the idea of having a grandchild.
As far as them "drowning" you in the "sex before marriage" stuff... Why do you think they are against sex before marriage? Could one of the reasons be because you might get pregnant!? It's too late now, so the whole "sex before marriage" speech isn't one that would do them any good to give you, since you obviously already made your own decision about that.
Don't add another bad decision on top of the one you already made. Adults tell you things for your own good, not to "spoil your fun" or be "mean". Adults have been through crap and learned things the hard way, they are trying to spare you the pain of making the same damn mistakes!
For your question #2, I have the benefit of being able to see other questions that you have asked, and I see that you have asked how to MAKE yourself have a miscarriage, in more than one question. (those questions were rightfully deleted, of course, since doing that could kill you, along with the baby.) But that puts this question in a whole different light and urgency. You MUST tell your parents. Do NOT try to make yourself have a miscarriage. If you don't care about the baby, you should at least care about yourself. You could die if you try to force a miscarriage.
If you and your family are not in a position to take care of your child, there are adoption agencies all over the place. There are 1,000's of couples who can't have children of their own, and would give anything to adopt a little baby.
As far as, are you a horrible person? I think you are a horribly confused person. You messed up. People mess up. All of us mess up. It's what we do after we mess up that decides what kind of person we really are. Do we try to ignore our mistakes? Cover up our mistakes by making bigger mistakes? Or face responsibility and deal with the choices we made?
Remember, there is a tiny life growing inside of you now. Your choices don't just impact yourself, but your baby's as well. I hope you will pull yourself together and behave in a mature, responsible manner. More than your own life depends on it.
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1. Well first i think you should go to the doctors or planetparenthood even if you dont want the baby at least until you descided what to do youll be helping it. And if your going to have a miscarriage anyways at least the doctor can tell you first dont use your insurance though if you dont want your parents to find out. And no your not a horrible person just think over your steps but dont take to long and it gets to late. I think your parents will care more about you then how there relationship with your boyfriends family is going to be affected
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If you are having symptoms of a miscarriage the only way to know for sure is to go to the Dr. Do you know that there is such a thing as an incomplete miscarriage where parts of the fetus are left inside the uterus? This can cause complications and an infection that you could get very sick from. After you go to the Dr, you will then know what steps to take next. Discuss your concerns with the nurse or the Dr and they will guide you in the right direction. You are not a horrible person..and in your parents minds they have already prepared for the what ifs. So even if they appear angry and shocked, they will most likely come around with some time.
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This is a tough position to find yourself in. I do wish I had the magic wand that could make it all better. First and foremost you must never think that you are a horrible person due to the fact that you find yourself in a precarious position. That's ridiculous. Believe me you are still beautiful in the sight of the Lord. What I would suggest you do is go to a family planning clinic of your choosing. There are people there that can help guide you in the direction that is best for YOU. If you don't agree w/what one says than go to another. There are plenty of them out there. Find the one that you feel a comfortable with. They are bound not to tell anyone anything that goes on between you and them. It is all confidential. They will guide you towards the procedures that would best fit your needs. As far as miscarriage symptoms there are so many different symptoms that I can’t list them all here , but a few of the common ones are, a lot of blood, you may see a small sack like object/you may not, you could feel light headed or faint, or you could experience abdominal pains. The best way to find out what is going on is to get yourself to a clinic. There are even free clinics, the Health Department in your area for one. Again, with regards to your personal health issues, they are obligated to be confidential if you request it. You have nothing to loose but your health. Good luck to you!
Namaste!
LULABELLE
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No, you are not a horrible person. Your are facing one of the hardest things a teen shouldn't ever have to face. You should tell your families sooner rather then later, they love you and yes, you probably will get the "talk" but that is just how parents are. In the long run they will most likely be your strongest support. I would suggest telling them with your boyfriend and getting that part done. The hardest will still be to come. If you are miscarring you need to go to the doctor, you need to go regardless, but it can be dangerous not to have medical care after or during a miscarriage. In answer to what should you do. Wait untill you are a couple more months along to contact adoption agency's and make sure to discuss the different approaches to adoption with the father and with both of your parents. There are many forms of adoption and you want to make sure yo chose the best one for your child and yourself. Giving up a child is a hard thing to do and many people opt to have an open adoption where their information is available to their child once he/she turns 18 if they want to find their birth parents or you could go with closed adoption which keeps your information confidential. There are some other forms and in the long run the choice is you and the fathers. Good luck hunny.
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No your not but why did you have sex with your boyfriend if you didn't want a baby???
I think thats the sensible question you should ask yourself. And you know what, I think you should take care of that baby cause its a human being. It has a heart and a mind. what would it say when its old enough to understand that its mom wasn't ready????
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sweety,
you are not a horrible person! even though you did do this to yourself. the truth of the matter is that you need to tell your's and your boyfrinds parnets TOGETHER because then you both can get it all out in the open. have them all over for dinner. then after dinner you can all sit down and talk about it before they see you are pregnant and stat to wonder and become upset. this is a serious situation and you need to tell them. check your simptoms every other day or so and for the love of the baby go to a doctor. and an adoption agency so you can have your baby go to a nice home. but wait until your 7 months pregnant so you can know whether you are going to have a miscarriage. you need to talk to someone and NOW or SOON is the right time. you cant wait. You need the help from everybody. and their support!
i hope i helped <3 Kay
AIM: babygirllie87 if you need to talk or send me a private message
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You're not a horrible person. Far from it! I personally believe that sex should be saved for marriage, but sex in itself and being pregnant is not a horrible thing. I'm a guy, but I would think that being pregnant is wonderful, though you might not be ready for it.
If you can't keep the baby, then the best thing to do is give it up for addoption, there are many MANY couples out there who cannot have children and would be more than happy to have your healthy baby. Perhaps once you have the baby, you might realize that you don't want to give him (or her) up. But be strong, and try not to stress about it. Stress will greatly increase the chances of a miscarriage, and that will cause horrible trauma to your mind and body.
First find out if your pregnant. If you are, THEN tell your parents and bf. No need for a false alarm. Once you do know if you're pregnant, you can easily get support from different groups and members of your family. I do suppose they might be upset, BUT... if they do truely love you, and I suspect that they do, they'll accept it and will probably be happy for you eventually.
The best thing you can do about information on miscarriages is to go to the doctor and find out. Don't be affraid to ask because they deal with things like this often. You can get a checkup for yourself, and if you're far enough along, for your baby as well.
Best of luck! It's going to be difficult, but this is really not a bad thing at all! ^_^ And to tell the truth, I'm happy for you!
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First of all, do not jump to the conclusion that you are pregnant. Trust me, I know plenty of girls who have been there and freak out about it.
Number one, you need to take a pregnancy test if you have not taken one already.
If you feel that you may have had, or could have a miscarriage you need to still take another pregnancy test.
Wait it out, if you get your period you probably are not pregnant. But also keep in mind that women CAN get a period while they are pregnant. Just because you get your period, does not mean that you automatically are not pregnant.
Again, you need to wait it out. Wait about a week and if you do not get your period take a pregnancy test and see what happens. At this point if you truely are pregnant you should be getting a much more accurate reading on a home pregnancy test. You cannot know for sure if you've had a miscarriage this far along.
Once you have found out FOR A FACT that you are pregnant you might want to start with the father of your future child. Let him know that there is something you need to tell him and you don't want him to be angry or freak out, but that you are pregnant. He won't take it well, I can tell you that much right now. He'll either get A) Mad or B) Really upset/ nervous. Once you've done that, tell HIS parents together that you are. After that, tell yours. Tell your parents that you were sorry you were so stupid (if you insult yourself it makes it sound better) for making such a huge mistake.
But also keep in mind-- When you have sex NO MATTER WHAT THERE IS ALWAYS A CHANCE OF PREGNANCY! My friend could be known as an "accident". He was concieved while his mother was on birth control and his father used a condom. So, no matter what there is always a chance. But not to sound like a bitch, it is YOUR fault that you may be pregnant. YOU made the decision to have sex so YOU have to deal with the consequenses. Having sex was meant for reproduction, not just the pleasure of teenagers. It's harsh, but the truth.
I agree with you on not getting an abortion. It's wrong. However, giving it up for adoption is not. There are so many couples in this world incapable of having children and you were able to have one so why not give them something they can't have?
But for right now PLEASE do not stress yourself out, the more stressed you are, the more likely you are to have a miscarriage. And once again, WAIT IT OUT! Take another test in a week and see what happens. If you get your period within the next week, when you've finished your period take a test. Whatever the outcome of the test, it's probably correct.
Best of luck to you and I hope all goes well for you and telling your parents if you are pregnant.
Keep me updated if you wish
-Emily
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You aren't horrible at all. If you don't want to have an abortion then your only option is adoption. If you have a miscarriage, you'll know. If that doesn't happen, then you really need to decide what you are going to do. I would advise making an appointment at planned parenthoof first, just to go over your options with a counselor who won't push anything on you, and won't tell anyone. They can inform you best about prenatal care, adoption options, telling your parents, and other questions you might have.
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Question 1. My boyfriend and I were having sex and he got me pregnant. Question 2. See your doctor Question 3. No you aren't a horrible person, but you made a mistake. Now you have to own up to it. Give it up for adoption. You're being selfish by getting pregnant and not doing the proper things to care for your kid. Face the music and take responsibility for your actions.
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In an effort to give advice on your current choice, I will use your story to provide a lesson in "Rational Choice".
First, determine the objective data of your situation. For instance,
1. Sex generally leads to pregnancy.
2. You don't want to get pregnant.
3. Your parents are religious and will not approve of premarital sex.
At this point, the facts seem to indicate that having sex is not a rational choice. Doing so leads to a significant chance in, well, permanently messing up your life! Just being honest.
Now, you face a new choice with data. By learning from the past, lets try to make a rational choice.
1. You should have prenatal care for your baby.
2. There is "NOOOO way you can have this baby"
3. You are a minor, and a dependent.
All this data seems to point towards one rational choice: tell your parents. The only real reason not to tell them is fear, and that's not a very good reason when compared to the fact that there's a tiny 'person' now growing inside of you.
I think you should spend less time worrying about the possibility of being a horrible person and more time on acting to make yourself the best person you can be.
Like all good advice, this will probably be of absolutely no help! Good luck!
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1. Don't lie about it. Just talk to your parents and his parents all together or seperately. That's up to you.
2. YOU SEE A DOCTOR. Did you take a pregnancy test with one of those "sticks"? They aren't always accurate. You need to get an actual pregnancy test from a doctor. Most doctors will not treat you unless you have parental consent.
3. No you are NOT a horrible person. Many teens are having sex and that doesn't make them a bad person.
Hope it works out for you!
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your not a horrible person... I was adopted, because my real mother was 16 when she had me...she said that she had a hard time telling her mom. So she went up to her and told her...It was hard and it most likely took her mom a little bit to get over the whole baby thing...You just have to sit down with them and tell them. If yout hink your having a miscarriage then go to the docter and have then tell you if you are... it'll be fine..
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no, you are not a horrible person, and people make mistakes in life that sometimes end up being bigger then you imagined that it had been going to.
Even though your parents are really religious and all, well, they should be able to understand after time goes by that even though you have sinned, you can always ask God for forgiveness, and he will take that sin and put it behind him.
Try telling somebody, anybody that you trust, like an adult, and have them come with you, when you tell your parents.
Also, if you want to do it the hard way, you can carry the baby the whole way through, and wear baggy clothes, and then have the baby, and give it to one of the hospitals, or a fire station, if you dont have a hospital near you, and they will take the baby with no questions ased, and you have two weeks to decide weather or not it is that you want to keep it or not. you can always pick it up during that time.
Well, i hope that i have helped you at least a little bit.
Hev
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You just tell people. Calmly. And one at a time if that will make it easier. You could wait forever for the right moment, so don't wait any longer, just get your parents sitting down and tell them.
Oh yes your parents are going to be pissed off like you have never seen them before! You are going to get screamed at and lectured for hours, and most of what they say will be right and you will probably deserve it. But you tell them anyways because you are in trouble, you made a mistake and they are the only people in this world who care enough about you to try and help. Nobody else will support you like they will and without them, you are all alone in this.
You don't know if you've had a miscarriage. You can't be sure until you speak to a doctor. Miscarriages can happen many different ways and have many different symptoms for different women. Vaginal bleeding and constant pain are signs of a miscarriage, but can take place in a normal pregnancy as well. Sorry dear, you'll need to see a doctor to be certain.
You aren't a horrible person for getting pregnant but I think we both know you aren't handling this as well as you could be. You haven't done the responsible thing and told your parents or seen a doctor. You also seem to think that having a miscarriage is okay but abortion isn't, so what you are really wishing is that the baby would just go away without you having to DO anything about it and this whole problem will just disappear.
That is being cowardly hun, and it probably isn't going to happen that way no matter how much you wish it would.
You had sex; you took this risk. Now you are stuck with the hard decisions and consequences of that action. Yeah it's stressful as all hell and it's going to be damn hard on you and the people you love. But you are going to have to face this sometime. Better for everyone, you, your families and even possibly your child, if you suck it up and start doing the right thing sooner rather then later.
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Firstly u are not a horrible person..it can happen to the best of us. Secondly you should tlk to a doctor before assuming you're having a miscarriage and ask questions to the doctor. And thirdly at least tell an aunt or a sister yu can't handle all that stress...and if not tell you mum but let her understand you're very soorry and scared.
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hi
Im sorry this has happend you you but you dont have very many choices
Sit your family and his down and just calmley tell them. they might freek out thats to be expected.But thats the only logical thing to do.
The most sign is bleading go to a docter and find out it can be dangerous if its somthing else
No your not a horrable person theas things happen
*~tori~*
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ok well first off, you are definetly NOT a horrible person. everyone makes mistakes that's life.
some symptoms of miscarriage are blood clots, or a sac-like structure is seen. their are others but i don't really know them. if you want to know more about miscarriages then you can go to google and type in "miscarriages" or "symptoms of miscarriages"
lastily, how to tell people that you're pregnant. you said your family is good friends with his. if their that good of friends they would help you both with the baby, if you had it. you should just tell your parents that you're really sorry and regret doing this. tell your parents everything you said here because you're going to have to tell them sooner or later. hiding your pregnancy is NOT good for your health at all!
good luck!
if you need any other help let me know
ill be glad to help! ♥
(edit)
well there are many hospitals. im not sure their is a specific one because i don't really know where you live and what's around you. try asking like a friend that lives where you that you trust. if you can drive (you said you were 16 but i dont know if you have a license) then you can drive to the main hospital and ask them, they will probably know something.
hope i helped!
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It's your fault for getting pregnant.
And quite honestly. Your going to HAVE to tell both families this happened and work it out from there. While I applaud you for not wanting an abortion, I think your only real feasible option if the baby is born to put it up for adoption, since you "can't" have this baby.
Well if you can't have it, then you should have thought of that before you got pregnant.
You need to tell your family the truth and work it out with them. See a doctor about possibly troubles and then find a way to put it up for adoption or raise it as your own.
And most of all, think next time before you have sex. You say you absolutely cannot have the baby, so next time remember that.
I'm being honest with you. Good luck.
-Ryan
*edit*I did answer your questions. I told you that you needed to tell your family and to go to the doctor to check for a miscarriage. And if you were horrible, I would have made a mention to it.
Read my answer and realize what I said.
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