I'm 22 years old, just graduated from college, moved, and started a new job.
I'm dealing with a lot of self doubt and lack of direction, so I guess Freud would say I'm using this site to deal with these feelings.
I hope to use my interests in philosophy, psychology, and economics to give a holistic advice column and help someone out.
Gender: Male
Location: Omaha
Occupation: Intern
Age: 22
Member Since: May 28, 2006
Answers: 22
Last Update: September 14, 2006
Visitors: 4099
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Hi, I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I'm 26 and i've been single since college. I've been on about 100 dates and have met no compatible guys to date. *The ones whom I thought were attractive enough turned out to just want sex on the 1st or 2nd date and then that's it.
Life in ny is hard as the single woman. All my female friends are coupled. I met their boyfriend's guy friends and didn't like them.
My workplace is almost 100% female and the few men there are either way older or gay.
I'm a size 4, facially attractive, and have a nice body. I'm well-educated and have a good career. I'm a nice person, but i don't have a lot of opportunity to meet men.
I go to bars, but all the men i meet just want to hook up with me and that's it. I would like a boyfriend since i have been lonely for the past 4 years. I'm not looking for a brad pitt, just an above-average-looking nice guy who is college-educated.
Any suggestions on how to meet men? (link)
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I think you might be catching the wrong kinds of fish because you're in the wrong pond.
Good looking guys in bars probably are there to get laid. As a guy in my 20's, I can't imagine going to a bar to discuss Sartre, though, that would be nice. And, while men are mostly shallow horny pigs, it's also the fault of easy to score bimbos who create the marketplace for them. Dem's da berries!
Maybe you could try taking a grad school class in the evenings? An MBA course would probably be full of intelligent 20-somethings.
Good luck -
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what does opiate of the masses mean? (link)
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That probably comes from the quote "Religion is the opiate of the masses."
It means that religion sedates, or zombifies, the common people.
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I am an athelete and am physically exhausted most of the time after practice. I told my mom this and she says I need more protein so I should eat more meat. However, I'm not a big meat eater. Does anyone have any ideas for easy ways to get more protein into my diet? Like a supplement or something? Thanks. (link)
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I recommend a protein shake as a supplement - but they're kind of expensive and not very tasty. You should intake a bulk of protein after practice, as the protein is what rebuilds your muscles. Personally, I mixed ice cream with my shake to make it more of a treat.
If you eat breakfast, a few eggs are a good way to get some protein as well. Make sure to stay hydrated too.
And ultimately, if practice drains you, then you're giving it 100% effort, so keep it up yo.
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17/m alright this is about a friend of mine...who is a bit wierd i guess. you see, she moved into my town a while ago and automatically people wouldnt accept her (and now i am beginning to see why) buti accepted her. NOW all she talks about is what she would do if she had a penis. she was over my house one time and out of no where she said "if i had a penis i would stick a needle and uncooked pasta into the hole of it" SHE WAS NOT JOKING. she even asked me if she could see mine to stick sometihing in mine and I FREAKED. is she like a transvestite wanna-be???? i am so wierded out..i want to end our friendship...ugh...what do i do? Please Help!! (link)
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My guess is she acts strange to get attention - in this case it seems obvious she wants attention from you, amigo!
My advice is - unless you think she's just too weird to handle - that you should help her understand she doesn't need to act like a freakazoid to be your friend. If you are negative toward her, it could catapult her farther into bizzaro world. So just casually ignore her antics and positively reinforce the cool traits that make her your friend.
(And remember, the great psychologist Sigmund Freud theorized that women are born with "penis envy". As in, they subconciously believe they were born with a penis but that it was somehow removed. Wild, eh!)
Good luck.
P.S. You might explain to her that, uh, it's not possible to stick things in there....
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ive been eating a 90 calorie granola bar, and half of a 100 calorie weight watchers yogurt (half of it is 3 oz)for breakfast. im 15/f 130 pounds, on a diet. is this a nutritionally sound breakfast for someone of my age on a diet? thank you :) (link)
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I agree with sass. Also it might be wise to get into an excercise routine, the benefits will last you a lifetime.
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Okay me and my boyfriend have been having sex and i thought i was preggo. hes taking me to the clinic to get tested but i dont think i am. but anyways if i am then im most deff. keeping it.
I was wondering if any of you have any cute Boy names.. and the middle has to be Howard cuz its like a tridition in his family..
if it was a girl he wants Arrora (sp) Le .. and i like Aubree michelle.
Thnxzz :] (link)
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I feel compelled to point out that if you don't know how to spell a child's name, I question whether you ought to take on the ultimate responsibility on the planet.
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Okay, there is this new guy at school. He just moved here. He isn't cute at all, and is weird. I talked to him once because he was just sitrting there, and I felt bad. Now, he always stares at me. How do I get him to stop? (link)
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Maybe you could try to introduce him to some other people? He probably stares at you because you're one of the few people considerate enough to talk to him, and he doesn't know anyone else. Or casually suggest he join a club or something, and try to make it implicitly clear that you hope he can fit in at school, though not necessarily with you / your friends.
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Upon reading so many other questions and having some of my own I decided to ask the guys out there specifically, (ladies you may answer as well) whether or not you can love more than one person at once. I guess you can substitute like for love as well but I am interested to see what you guys have to say about this. Obviously you can be interested in more than one person, but can you really have equal feelings for two people at the same time? So basically for you guys out there who have girlfriends and ladies who have boyfriends as well, can you love that person and still have equally strong feelings for another person who is not your current partner or is it merely a random attraction? What do you all have to say about this I am curious to find out. :) Cheers! (link)
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Scientists have explored human inclinations towards monogomy. Check it out in Economist magazine - www.economist.com
Essentially, some scientists believe there are 3 chemicals in the brain related to love: romantic desires, lust, and monogomy. Of course, different people have different brain cocktails flowing through them. Some may be primarily lust driven, others amore, etc. etc.
Sure, it's nerdy science stuff, but it might give you a different perspective on your question.
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Can someone help explain what each of these studies/majors are, like what you do and learn? Can someone also rate from 1-10 how hard each one is?
-accounting
-word processing specialist
-marketing management
-business office technology
-administrative office technology
-business studies
Thank you! (link)
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I will try to give a general outline of the subjects you requested. For the record, I just graduated with a degree in Business Administration / Economics.
Accounting
Detail work - managing the inflows and outflows of money in an organization. It requires basic math skills, attention to detail, and computer skills. Is McDonalds a financially healthy company? Did Mr. Smith pay his taxes correctly? You'll learn to tell a story through numbers. This is a highly employable field of study, but it will take work to memorize the rules.
Word Processing Specialist
This is basically typing for a living. You'll input data into computers, be dictated documents to be typed, etc. Anyone can do this.
Marketing Management
Marketing is commonly mistaken for advertising, but the two are related. Take products, and take consumers: the thing that brings them together is marketing. You learn what makes people buy things, and how you can make things more desirable.
I don't know what the others are, they sound menial, like secretary work. Business studies sounds like a generic business degree, learning a little accounting, marketing, management, etc.
I hope this helps.
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I'm 19 years old and I started dating a 25 year old man. When we had sex for the first time, he suddenly said he had to go to pee. When he came back he didn't feel like having sex anymore.
Is it really possible that a man can feel an urge to urinate while making love? I'm afraid it was just an exuse because something was not ok. Please help me.
(link)
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Well, I can't say I have any expertise in this category, but I'll try my best.
First, it seems entirely possible that your boyfriend could indeed lose his sex drive to a full bladder. Men are naturally set to "urinate mode", obviously; stimulation causes the penis to shift into "ejaculate" mode. I'm speaking from a very basic medical understanding here, but from what I've read that's about how it works.
So, if your boyfriend happened to have a full bladder at the time, he would have gone back to "urinate" mode when he went to the john.
However - I think it's a safe bet that most sane men would happily plan ahead and take care of such things beforehand. Maybe he was going to prematurely ejaculate and wanted to save face, maybe he didn't feel well, who knows?
Regardless, I think you should give this guy the benefit of the doubt for now; assume he had a good, personal reason for his actions. But if he pulls something like that again, I'd say you have the right to find out why.
Good luck-
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I've been at my job for several months now, and I just got switched to a new position within the job. I'm 21 and female, if that helps.
My problem is that I can't get along with the person who is training me (I'll call her Kim). Kim likes to micromanage, be in control of everything I do, and waste my time.
For example, I asked her how to edit the books and she said for me to do it myself. So I told her exactly what I was going to do and she said to go ahead and do it. So I finished up, put the book away, and started working on something else. She stopped me, told me I had done it wrong, and had me do it all over again.
I've caught her in mistakes and she'll never admit she's wrong. She always find a way to turn it back on me. We have keys organized by letters and numbers, and I asked her where the SVC keys were. So she told me wrong and I let her know. She said I asked her where the LFE keys were and that I was wrong and shouldn't "make mistakes when I'm asking questions".
It's not any one big thing. It's just a bunch of little things that go on all day. I'm pregnant and hormonal, and I end up crying in the bathroom several times a day because sometimes she is just flat out mean to me.
How do I deal with this problem? I really need it to stop. I'm afraid to tell the supervisors because Kim is the only black person in the office, and I'm afraid they'll oversimplify the problem as racism and miss the point completely (they do that a lot). Please help before I quit or go insame. Thanks. (link)
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I think your best alternative to quitting is to reverse the situation, using a little psychology. Try to make her an ally! (I know it sounds impossible, but be strong!)
Her conception of you now is apparently that of "punching bag". We want her to think of you instead as "ally". This way, she'll empathize with you - and want you to be a productive, happy subordinate instead of an outlet for her crap.
Of course, be friendly and try to develop common interests. Also, try to empathize with your boss as much as possible. Wave the white flag if you're on bad terms now, "apologize" when you make mistakes and promise you'll try harder. Might I suggest a stress ball for those moments?
Try to figure out why she is such a power freak, and satisfy that need in other ways. Develop a common enemy (the stupid computer, the ugly carpet, the lazy intern, whatever).
And lastly, keep a journal at work. When she chews you out for no good reason, write all about it. Did she make a mistake? Get it on record. A journal will let you vent the emotional strife, but also perhaps show others what a poor manager she is......
Good luck-
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ok so here's my problem, I can't stop thinking about like death and when the world is going to end. Like, I always thinnk about what happens when you die..I mean like, do you become a ghost and stay a ghost forever and ever and ever, is your spirit just gone and like what happens? your just gone away and never return?!! and like the world ending. because like of the tsunami and then 9/11 and hurricane katrina. All those things were in the bible, and they happened!!I HATE IT! I always get scared when I think about it but I can't stop! Please someone tell me how to stop thinking like this!! Is it normal? Does it mean I'm crazy?! I want to stop!! (link)
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You must discipline your mind.
Clear your thoughts when you lose control. Focus on an object in the room, or your breathing, or count sheep.
It will probably take practice, but I think it will give you a healthy peace of mind.
Once you discipline yourself, I think you'll find that there is no point in worrying about such events; they're outside of your control. In fact, most of human drama is the same way.
Good luck-
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Well, I'm currently working on a novel, and I need a name. I have a few to choose from, but I don't think that any of them are right. I need a male name that means 'water' or 'ocean' or 'sea'. I've already visited tons of websites, so if you could just give me a list instead of a website, I would be very grateful. I rate fives for good answers! (link)
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Could you use an actual name of a body of water?
For instance, "Duncan Idaho" conveys a kind of hearty, mountainous vibe, and sounds good even though it uses a 'normal' name.
Baikal, Caspian, Eire, Seine... just open up a map. How about Ahab, from Moby Dick? For that matter, how about Moby? I'm not sure how fictional or wacky you're aiming for, but I hope this helps.
Otherwise, I've used www.behindthename.com in the past.
Good luck -
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Does anyone know of any good break up songs? (link)
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Seal the Deal - 311
(Not on a CD, download it free on their site. www.311.com)
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I just got a job as a Hostess at my Aunts Restaurant and I was just curious as to what exactly I would do. Do I greet people? I'm a really friendly person, I just don't know what to say.. I'm sure my Aunt will tell me, but I don't want to say the same thing, all the time, to everyone, I'd like to change it up a bit. (link)
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When I was a cashier I felt the same way with greeting customers, but it eventually became automatic.
Just try to be as friendly as possible - if someone's wearing an interetsing shirt or something, or says something funny, try to get a little conversation going. Use the job as an opportunity to develop your social skills, wit, congeniality, etc.!
I think you'll find later jobs much easier when you've mastered those social skills. Good luck -
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I am 15 year old female. I am worried about my future. i go to a top private school. I dont really know what i want to do when i grow up and i dont really have any special talents. i take dance but i'm not especially good, and i'm not very smart (i usually get b's and a's). I feel like i wont get into college b/c there really isnt anything special about me. (link)
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I'm 22 and got A's and B's in school and I can totally relate to your strife.
First, you should have no difficulty getting into college with anything above a 3.0. (However, don't underestimate the power of GPA when getting scholarships!)
It sounds like you're asking way too much of yourself - most of us are not brilliant students or masterful dancers, actors, musicians, etc. Try to focus on what gifts you have, and make the most of those. If you end up having an "average" career or get married to an "average" guy - then congratulations, you're normal!
And, it's normal to stress about your future too. I've been stressing about it for the past 3 years, essentially. All I've found is that finding your "sweet spot" in life doesn't come easy - just do your best, and opportunities will follow. Opportunities that will reveal who you are, bit by bit. Good luck -
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i recently learned i am pregnant. so far, im thinkin its prolly a month and a half along. im 16, and there is NOOOOOOO way in the world i can have this baby. theres no way in the world i can tell anyone my boyfriend of over a year got me pregnant. my family's real good friends with his, and things just wouldnt be pretty. also, both our families are real religious and would drown us in all the 'sex before marriage is a sin' stuff. well, fact of the matter is, since we havent told anyone about it yet- i havent gone to a doctor. i know youre supposed to get prenatal care the second you find out youre pregnant- but i cant bring myself to tell anyone, and truthfully- i really dont want to have this baby. i will NOT have an abortion, but i think i might be having a miscarriage, or about to be having one. i have all of the symptoms. i guess my questions are;
1. how do i tell people?
2. how do i know for sure if im having a miscarriage?
and 3. am i a horrible person? (link)
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In an effort to give advice on your current choice, I will use your story to provide a lesson in "Rational Choice".
First, determine the objective data of your situation. For instance,
1. Sex generally leads to pregnancy.
2. You don't want to get pregnant.
3. Your parents are religious and will not approve of premarital sex.
At this point, the facts seem to indicate that having sex is not a rational choice. Doing so leads to a significant chance in, well, permanently messing up your life! Just being honest.
Now, you face a new choice with data. By learning from the past, lets try to make a rational choice.
1. You should have prenatal care for your baby.
2. There is "NOOOO way you can have this baby"
3. You are a minor, and a dependent.
All this data seems to point towards one rational choice: tell your parents. The only real reason not to tell them is fear, and that's not a very good reason when compared to the fact that there's a tiny 'person' now growing inside of you.
I think you should spend less time worrying about the possibility of being a horrible person and more time on acting to make yourself the best person you can be.
Like all good advice, this will probably be of absolutely no help! Good luck!
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Ever since the guy that I liked told me that he likes me back, it has been really awkard between us. The thing is that we liked each other since 7th grade but we never really said anything til this year. When we see each other in the hallways in school we just look at each other and we don't say anything. I'm told that I should be the one to talk to him first but I'm just scared and I don't really know what I can say besides hi. When I see him or when we look at each other itz like I just freeze up and I get these butterflies in my stomach. What should I do? (link)
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Try to figure out the cause of your fear - only then can you face it. Maybe you're afraid of rejection, or commitment, or whatever. And try not to think of talking to him as such a daunting task - he's probably dealing with the same fears you are.
While I hope things work out for you, I think you should also use this as an opportunity for self reflection and growth.
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I know this questions get annoying, however I really want to loose 10 pounds before the summer ends. I don't like my body and I want every inch of fat of it gone. I just hate it. Please help me. I need a specific plan, not just a eat plenty of fruits and vegetables and do crunches kind of thing. I kind of want a day my day scheduale of exercises and fitness I can do. Also, how to eat heathly and stop emotional eating tips would be greatly appreciated. Please help. First 5 answers that follow my guidelines are automatic 5s with feedback. (link)
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I encourage your efforts to become the person you want to be, while I also stress that you examine the ultimate reasons *why* you think you'd be happier with less body fat.
In other words, if you mentally improve your lifestyle (i.e. objective introspection, optimism, educating yourself on nutrition, etc.) then the physical benefits will be the effect, instead of the cause.
I think the best way would be to take up a sport, whether at school or a local gym. Fun activities with positive peer pressure will make your lifestyle changes much easier. Plan your diet and take pride in following it; when you get discouraged, remember how you felt when you started the plan. In short, use your emotions to help you, rather than detract from your goals.
Personally, I enjoy cycling, and it's a great way to burn calories if you live in an area where it will work. I cycled across Nebraska several times, and there's no better way to lose weight than cycling 6 hours a day with no junk food :). Good luck -
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Is there a move you can teach me in able to make a guy bring out his true feelings for a girl without looking too forward? The guy is too uptight and too confused to know what he wants because he has too much going on in his life right now. We were too comfortable with each other before as bestbuds but apparently he overstepped the boundaries and everything went haywire from that point. He's avoiding me now because its too awkward for both of us, but I know there's definitely some heavy feelings that's kept in there. . . (link)
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He might be afraid of commitment if he is a busy guy, as you indicated.
If you want him to resolve his feelings, try to help him see the issue as a matter he can choose. Don't let him hide from his feelings until opportunity passes him by - tell him you want to know what he's thinking about, and be honest.
You can lead him to the curtain, but he has to look inside. Good luck -
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