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Twenty-Six & been single/lonely for 4 yrs
Hi, I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I'm 26 and i've been single since college. I've been on about 100 dates and have met no compatible guys to date. *The ones whom I thought were attractive enough turned out to just want sex on the 1st or 2nd date and then that's it.
Life in ny is hard as the single woman. All my female friends are coupled. I met their boyfriend's guy friends and didn't like them.
My workplace is almost 100% female and the few men there are either way older or gay.
I'm a size 4, facially attractive, and have a nice body. I'm well-educated and have a good career. I'm a nice person, but i don't have a lot of opportunity to meet men.
I go to bars, but all the men i meet just want to hook up with me and that's it. I would like a boyfriend since i have been lonely for the past 4 years. I'm not looking for a brad pitt, just an above-average-looking nice guy who is college-educated.
Any suggestions on how to meet men?
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Thanks for all the responses. I just came back from a gay bar where I felt very comfortable since there were no men talking to me just to get into my pants there-lol.
Well, dude, I don’t sleep with the guys. In fact, a lot of men find that I’m too prissy for them. I have been essentially celibate since my college boyfriend and I broke up. But, literally, I’m told or (it’s implied) that guys just want to sleep with me after the first or second date 90% of the time.
Ideally, I would be interested in meeting a traditional guy, who doesn’t want to sleep with a woman until a month of knowing her, or a little bit after that.
I have tried New York Sports Club and also, I’m not religious. My (last) bf was Catholic, and I actually met him in a library in undergrad. (FYI: He proposed to me, I broke up with him after his mother was mean to me because I am both not white and not Catholic.)
My grad program (and my field, social work), unfortunately, is 100% female and gay guys. Trust me—aren’t too many men in it.
I go to bars with my friends, and trust me, I have never had a guy come up to me that remotely resembled my type. Probably, my type of guy that I would actually go for would be with his _girlfriend_ having a nice candlelit dinner downtown instead of hanging out in a loud bar.
I tried a grad school class that was full of men. I dropped out of the class after befriending the one guy I thought was attractive, and being tapped on the shoulder by his girlfriend one day before class.
I don’t think that I am too picky. Physically, I’m told by everyone I know that I have a beautiful face and a nice slender body. I have good skin and nice hair too. I may be drunk, but a cute gay guy just told me that he would kill to look like me. I don’t know whether to be flattered or not—just kidding.
I have joined meetup groups in an effort to make platonic friends with women. I joined a book club, dining out club, and even an Italian language meetup. It was ridiculous. Everyone was over 40.
I have been on over 100 dates in the past three years. I tried online dating sites—both an unpaid site and a paid site (match.com). The results were daunting. I went on something like 55 first dates in the past fourteen months, actually.
I have pretty much tried everything you can think of. I’m not super picky—Although I would give myself an A- or a 9 out of 10 lookswise, I’m a 10 in terms of niceness and at least a 9 in terms of intelligence. Right now, it would be really nice to meet a guy who is still above-average looking yet not a model, and very nice. Kind of nerdy and sweet. That is all I’m asking for. In other words, if Ben Stein were 29, I think I would go out on a date with him. I’m not kidding.
Any advice on where to meet nice guys? I’ve pretty much tried everything. Wine tasting. Speed dating. Setups. A class. Even forgetting about men and focusing on my career for the past six months. But I’m kind of lonely. I’ve been single for almost four years. It would be nice to get a nice, nerdy boyfriend.
All my female friends are taken. I skipped three weddings this summer because I have nothing going for me right now. I am unemployed, I got kicked out of a prestigious ph.d. program, and I don’t have a boyfriend right now.
I have a lot of problems going on in my life right now—I got out of a ph.d. program after getting a C+ in a class. I am unemployed. I have problems meeting single female friends (to go out with) that I have interests in common with. Maybe because I’m not a huge clubber, and also because I’m not that wealthy/well-dressed, so I sort of stand out in a crowd because I’m not trendy or the cool type. I’m not looking for Brad Pitt here. I’m looking for Ben Stein. And in new york city, finding a nice, nerdy, non-obese, normal guy to date is fucking impossible.
I pretty much have decided to just focus on my career for the past six months, and even that is not going well. I got kicked out of my graduate program after getting a C+. What I could really use right now is a boyfriend, but that’s like f’ing impossible to find in new york city, since I’m not tall and blond. Although I am petite and cute.
Anyway, any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks, all.
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I think you might be catching the wrong kinds of fish because you're in the wrong pond.
Good looking guys in bars probably are there to get laid. As a guy in my 20's, I can't imagine going to a bar to discuss Sartre, though, that would be nice. And, while men are mostly shallow horny pigs, it's also the fault of easy to score bimbos who create the marketplace for them. Dem's da berries!
Maybe you could try taking a grad school class in the evenings? An MBA course would probably be full of intelligent 20-somethings.
Good luck -
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OK first of all you need to stop focusing on the physical, I am not saying date someone who you don't find attractive but keep an open mind, I have dated ugly guys who got better looking through time by getting to know their personality and really hot guys that get ugly with time because they are ugly human beings.
Secondly meeting men in bars rarely works, when there is alcohol involved both men and women are not using their full brain power or common sense. Try other options that you would normally think were odd or out there, for example dating services, or if you don't want to outlay the money try online sites, may sound weird but develop a system to weed out the freaks, always meet in a public place and go for it. Its how I met my husband...There is also things like join a softball league or bowling league. Take up a new hobby that involves not meeting only women and new things outside of your normal circle of friends.
If you need some good websites or more help please feel free to ask, and it really is true what they say its not whats on the outside that counts...well at least not totally!!
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They have dating services that match you with someone who has some of the same qualities as you. There are chatrooms you could go into just to talk to people to get to know them. I know exactly what you are going through. I haven't dated anyone since I graduated from high school. So that I wouldn't feel so lonely all the time while I am on my search for the perfect match I got a pet. My cat isn't perfect but it definitely helps me feel better about dating. Maybe getting involved in other activities will help you meet new and exciting people especially guys.
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