Hey, I’m usually the one giving advice. I don’t need advice. I just have a question and I want to know your opinion. This question is for deep thinkers. Long answers are encouraged as well as comical ones.
I’ve seen quite a lot of “love” questions, asked by adolescences. What would you call "true love"? Many people have been saying “I have a boyfriend and I REALY love him” and “she said that he loves me” or things like that. I’ve seen these questions being asked by 13 year olds! Teens DO have deep affections for people, but I really don’t think that they are capable of TRUE love. How can there be love if teen relationships only last 2 months or even 2 years! 2 years is quite long for a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, but shouldn’t love last a LIFETIME? I agree that teens think that they are in love (I’ve been there) but I wouldn’t call that love. I would call it more like, “deep affection”. After all, if love between teens is really “love” then they shouldn’t break up, right? I think that teens are too young and “unexposed” to have TRUE LOVE. Even adults. They mistakenly call their relationships “love”. If it was actually love, then shouldn’t there be less or no divorces?
GrannyNell answered Monday August 22 2005, 12:13 am: oh dearie your right.
True love has seemed to be something you read about.
I said for the children, let them "fall in love" they are still kids, so let them be kids. I think we all sometimes wish we were kids again,love is less work then.
You can fall in love just as easy as you can fall out of it.
Right? [ GrannyNell's advice column | Ask GrannyNell A Question ]
brunettecutie answered Saturday August 20 2005, 2:48 am: i think you have a point there. i am 13/f and my last boyfriend, i said i loved him, but when i think back on it, it wasn't really love, it was more a crush then love. but i did have this one boyfriend where i loved him ( i know thats not what you want to hear but im sorry) he felt the same. yes we did break up. it just wans't working bc we did not really see each other alot and we kinda lost intrest so we broke up. i think you "can" be in "love" and still break up. i totally agree love should last a "lifetime" but sometimes in a relationship, something goes wrong and they grow apart, sometimes it just happens. im not disagreeing with you bc i think you are right, but at the same time, you know?
you have a really good point there. some teens dont even know what love is.
leave a message in my INBOX
babiigirl answered Saturday August 20 2005, 1:45 am: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
I agree with you about the middle school 13 year olds walking around with their boyfriends saying that they love eachother. its puppy love and they just dont relize it.
But i mean maybe you are 16-17 and you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and you do love eachother. when you get to highschool its usually always said you have a highschool sweetheart and usually marry them if it works out.
What if the break up between to teenagers that love eachother are because of parents i know most teenagers cant date cause of parents, what if one has to move and yea if they loved eachother it should work out but being so close to one another then having to leave could cause you to split.
but what im saying is that i pretty much disagree with your look on love.
twynelyne answered Saturday August 20 2005, 1:14 am: The reason there are divorces is because 1, people think a divorce will solve all their probelms, and 2, they are way too easy to get and not looked down upon as much anymore.
I think true love can exist between 2 teenagers. But the thing is, I think it can only exist between 2 mature, responsible teenagers. I can homestly say that I am one of those teenagers, and I have the same boyfriend for 2 years.
There was only one time when we broke up and that was because we were both scared since being in love at such a young age, and din't understand where the relatinship was going. We took time apart, and reevaluated our lives, but the feelings didn't fade. The love still stood there and our relationship feels just like it was when we first starting going out. We rarely fight because we know eachother so well that we understand why one of us is reacting to eachother or what we've said in such a bad way.
I just wanted to give some insight into the question from a teenager's point of view.
I do agree with you though, 13 is pushing it. When your 13 its called "puppy love." Its where you really really like someone and you probably spend too much time together for your age. I also don't understand why girls in middle school now are walking around pregnant. I used to think that was only a high school thing. [ twynelyne's advice column | Ask twynelyne A Question ]
Leigh answered Friday August 19 2005, 8:20 pm: I completly agree with you there. I ask myslef the same question over and over all the time. When I hear people at school or at the mall wherever..young people and teens etc..saying I love you or even asking for advice about it on here I just don't understand it. Now im not saying anything against people who say it, but it makes no sense to me how people who are so young can actually say and mean I love you. To me love is such a powerful emotional thing and to say that to someone who you go out with for a short period of time or even "2 years" doesnt make much sense.People say it so lightly and take it lightly when really saying I love you is so powerful and meaningful. Thats my take on it. But I wanted to say that I definitly understand what you are saying.
~Leigh [ Leigh's advice column | Ask Leigh A Question ]
ncblondie answered Friday August 19 2005, 6:17 pm: I agree, with most of that anyway. It seems to me that too many times, people call their emotion "love" when it's actually "like", "lust", "friendship" and companionship" that they are experiencing. I'm not saying that someone can't love simply because they are 13. I feel that love can come at any age.
I also don't believe that there is a specific amount of time in which to fall in love. I've saw people that were together several years before they felt love. On the other hand, I met my husband in December and we married in April.
I think we're all seeking that one "true love", the love that lasts forever. I think the problem is that most people get impatient and settle for what they believe is "true love" rather than wait for the real thing. [ ncblondie's advice column | Ask ncblondie A Question ]
ScratchesOnTheWall answered Friday August 19 2005, 5:32 pm: I think that the term "true love" is ridiculous. There's just too many types of love to have such an umbrella phrase for. Too often "true love" is used as some elitist term by people who believe their feelings for someone are more pure, deep or important than someone else's.
The fact is, every relationship is different and incredibly difficult to judgaccurately from the outside. Not to mention the fact that in todays world sometimes there are practical reasons that make it impossible to stay together. Which would you say was a better example of "True Love"?: A couple who sort of fall into their lives, get married, have kids, bowl along fairly happily until they die or a couple who realised that although they adored one another, practical things (i.e.:one wants children and the other does not) means they could never make each other happy and so lets the other go even though it hurts them, to give them a chance to be truly happy.
S_C answered Friday August 19 2005, 3:40 pm: EDIT ANSWER!! haha, didn't mean to give you a headache, I'm glad you liked the answer though and thanks for the deep thinker, I'm taking that as a compliment. This is probably the most I've thought all summer and I like! You've made me feel smart, and I'm not a very smart person, I'm what some would call a dumb blonde, though I'm not blonde haha. Anyway, thanks for the good rating and the feedback!!
Here's a quote about love, and I really do believe it!!
Cinderella walked on broken glass
Sleeping Beauty let a whole lifetime pass
Belle fell in love with a hideous beast
Pocahantas risked her life for a feast
Jasmine could have had anyone
but instead choose a poor man
And Arial walked on land
all for love and all for life it was all about
Blood, Sweat , and Tears
love's about facing your biggest fears
Okay I'm not going to have much of an answer because I'm only 14 (soon to be 15 though) anyway, I really just wanted to say for 17 this is pretty deep. I once thought I was in love (and to think, I'm young) but even when being with someone for a little over a year, I still didn't really know him, I used the term love lightly. Looking back I honestly don't think I would have died for him. I mean thats really what love is. You would die for the person you care about, you would do whatever you had to. Like in this story...
Girl: Slow down. I'm scared.
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, It's to scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
*Girl hugs him*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off and
put it on yourself? It's bugging me.
(In the paper the next day)
A motorcycle had crashed into a
building because of a break failure.
Two people were on it, but only one
survived. The truth was that halfway
down the road, the guy realized that
his breaks broke, but he didn't want
to let the girl know. Instead, he had
her say she loved him and felt her hug
one last time, then had her wear his
helmet so that she would live even
though it meant that he would die.
I would consider that true love! I know it's just a story, but to think that a guy would die just so this girl would live, that is what true love is all about. I don't think age has anything to do with love. I know people that got married the second they were both 18, not all the relationships worked out, but some are still going strong. Just because you find mr right early doesn't mean that it's not mr right (or like mrs right) Love is a strong word, and it shouldn't be used lightly. If you've ever seen/read "The Notebook" or "A Walk to Remember" (I'm a HUGE Nicholas Sparks fan) well even though they're just books/movies, they're still about younger people finding love and doing all they can to hold onto it. I mean the guy from the notebook wrote her 1 letter everyday for a year, he was young and in love!
Beacuse I'm not as experienced in love as others I can't answer this "question" with much knowledge, but love is when you would go to the end of the world and back for someone. When you would risk your life to protect someone else. When you would do anything you can for the person you care about. These are some quotes I found that I strongly believe in that have to do with love!
Do you ever just put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin? Well, that's what love is like; everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall, but for some reason you just keep going -practical magic
Poets often describe love as an emotion that we can't control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense. That's what it was like for me. I didn't plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt if you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has happened only once, and that's why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it.
Summer romances end for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They are shooting stars---a spectacular moment of light in the heavens-- fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone
That is what most people consider teen love, just summer romances, here for a while and then just gone. I guess I can agree with that, because that is how most teen romances are, but still it's nice to think that you're in love. (yeah, thats me saying that haha, not a quote)
*Hard to breathe,
feels like floating.
So full of love,
my hearts exploding.
Mouth is dry,
hands are shaking.
My heart is yours for the taking.
Acting weird, not myself.
like the Keebler Elf.
Finally time for this poor schlub,
to know what its like to fall in love.*
Okay, I know this is probably more quotes than what I actually have to say, but I believe in things such as love at first sight, and that everyone has a soul mate and stuff like that, you just have to find that perfect person, and if you make a few screw ups (like divorce, break ups) well everybody makes mistakes!
BeMyPrInCe22 answered Friday August 19 2005, 2:21 pm: Love is when your willing to give everything youve worked for up. When your willing to go with them, when they are willing to wait. They light up your darkest days. They think your beatuiful all the time.
Saying I love you is crap I think. How can you be sure they mean it? I think It's better when they show you.
I think that marriages don't last because people dont realize what they have til it's gone.
Teen dating/love is just like pointless because chances of you spending your life with that person are so small. I date as teen but I mean I think it's just for the experience.
zapreth answered Friday August 19 2005, 1:41 pm: I think the main problem with the term Love, is that people expect it to be easy. There is NOTHING easy about a relationship. Another thing I think effects the young ones who think they are in love is that they are going through a hormonal change that floods their bodies with new and powerful feelings. These new sexual feelings combined with actually liking someone can be easily mistaken for love. It's all new and wonderful and romantic. Life doesn't run that way though. I believe that sexual and emotional love should go hand in hand and that it should last a lifetime. I believe that true love is accepting a person for all of their faults and fears and mistakes as well as all of the good things about them. You can't truely love someone you want to change, because you have not accepted them unconditionally. This is one of the things that make a relationship so hard. Small things can drive you crazy, and you need to keep communication open between you and trust your love to do the best thing even if it's not what you agree with. You need to be able to stand up for yourself and to back down in equal measure. This takes TONS of work and requires both people to work at it. Modern couples don't seem to stay together because divorce is so much more socially acceptable than it used to be. Before people were socially rejected for divorce, now it's just a normal fact of life. Couples didn't stay together though love but through social pressure. Regardless of emotions envolved marriage takes work. I know from experience that love can be distroyed if both people don't work to nurture it. I am divorced. I blame the lack of mutual willingness to put as much effort into the marriage as working at your job. [ zapreth's advice column | Ask zapreth A Question ]
cheerleader4evr answered Friday August 19 2005, 1:31 pm: if they say that they love them and then the person they love hurts them they wouldnt break up with them but they forgive them and work it out , so yes & no teens can love but it really depends on the person, but sometime 1 person really loves another but ther other doesnt love them back and that really hurts, i know, but it happens, im 14/f and i know most people think im imature and i dont know what im talking about but i just wish some1 would listen to me, but anyway.... i wrote this about 3 months ago hope it says something to you!........
love is a word with a lot of responsibility. if you don't use it properly, it leads to broken hearts, lying, misunderstanment, & chaos. if all this is avoided, then we'd all be happier, but that's not the way the earth spins. we always will have broken hearts, lying, misunderstandment, & chaos. there's NO way around it. so why don't we live in the moment and do just what are minds tell us? we could, but we wouldn't be truthful with ourselfs. we need to listen to our hearts and what we feel is right. if you feel it's right to live in the moment go right ahead, just remember this, that when you do, other's hearts & minds are in your hands<3*<3*<3*<3 [ cheerleader4evr's advice column | Ask cheerleader4evr A Question ]
sunnyville answered Friday August 19 2005, 1:24 pm: What I think is that if the relationship lasted very short than it couldn't just be a crush or obession.True love between people are true support,when a person would do almost anything for the other person,and to save it.Even distance can't take away the feelings the other person has for the other.If a person keeps marrying different people than they don't what love is about. [ sunnyville's advice column | Ask sunnyville A Question ]
star-crossed answered Friday August 19 2005, 1:20 pm: ok i hear what your saying. I think its like this..
As far as teens, the guys say "i love you" to the girl because it sounds romantic and if he says it enough he thinks he'll get laid. The girl says it because its more romantic and secretly she wants to get laid too. What they are actually experiencing is attraction and raging hormones. My solution to this is to let teenagers just have a huge orgy and let everyone get screwed(safely of course). It is not true love they want. Its sex. I conclude that teens are just horney and only feel an attraction towards the other.
I believe "love" nowadays is a mutual agreement. The girl agrees to give the guy sex and the guy agrees to lose half his stuff....
Love SHOULD last a lifetime...and so should sex with a hot girl but it doesnt.
You dont see true love anymore. Not like it used to be. 2 weeks isnt enough to say your in love. Love is the brutalist of all emotions because until you experience it "truely" you only have disillusions of what you think it is.
As for the divorces, is it true that you have to be limited to one love. Also most ppl now adays just marry for sex and money, but mostly money.
I tried for a comical thing and it turned out serious. all well.
now mmy brain hurts from thinking because i was doing summer reading all day and now this. [ star-crossed's advice column | Ask star-crossed A Question ]
LoveNJstyle answered Friday August 19 2005, 1:12 pm: i agree with the fact that its not love. its something they would like to call love because "like" seems like too simple of a word to express themselves. i have more on this but i must go, ill edit it later b/c i like this type of question <3 [ LoveNJstyle's advice column | Ask LoveNJstyle A Question ]
Dakmor answered Friday August 19 2005, 1:11 pm: Listen, man. I'm 13 and I'm in love. As for describing love, it's just an undescribable feeling, something that you just know, and you've never felt it before but right off the bat once you experience it you can tell that it's love as right as 2+2 is 4. Love is true happiness. Love has nothing to do with "Is he hot?" Love is just the best feeling a guy could ever have, and I want the world to know that it's a deep emotion, a true feeling like no other, not just a word. [ Dakmor's advice column | Ask Dakmor A Question ]
TheOldOne answered Friday August 19 2005, 12:54 pm: Love is just a word. A label. To assume that it describes something that objectively exists is probably a mistake.
Billions of people throughout the history of the world have felt an emotion that they called "love" (in whatever language), and NO TWO of them were the same. Most "loves" are almost certainly related, of course, in a broad spectrum of emotion, but there's no way to take those emotions out of the minds that are feeling them and place them side by side.
Each of us is ultimately alone inside our heads. Barring telepathy, there's no way to compare love. It's unique for every person, and every person must decide for themselves what "love" means to them.
In my own experience, though, I can say this one thing with certainty: No love compares with the feeling that most people have for their children. When you KNOW that you'd be willing to die for someone...as far as I'm concerned, *that's* love.
And it's the one love, apart from self-love, that I believe almost always lasts a lifetime. Relationship love can last that long too, of course, but it's always a matter of *choice* on some level. Whereas love for your offspring is profoundly genetic, tying into the most basic drive of all - that of survival.
Of course there have been studies of the biochemistry of being "in love" which indicate (as I recall) that it lasts about two years or so, and exists purely for the evolutionary purpose of keeping a father around long enough to help protect and ensure the survival of offspring. But even an old rationalist like me won't fall into that trap. :D
We're more than just chemicals and automatic responses.
I wouldn't take it on myself to tell ANYONE if their love was or wasn't "real". I'll admit that when it comes to teens, given the state of total chaos that most of them are in - the storm of hormones and confusion - I suspect that it's impossible to separate out love and horniness (or agape and eros, if you prefer).
But if they want to tell me that they're in love, who am I to tell them that they're wrong? Even if I did, they'd just ignore me - and rightfully so.
CallMeQt97 answered Friday August 19 2005, 12:53 pm: I think everyone is capable of love if teens are and adults are kids can be too and not every ones relationship ends in divorce or break-up i know people who have been dating since 8th grade and got married. i believe true love can happen to anyone any age any time. [ CallMeQt97's advice column | Ask CallMeQt97 A Question ]
cailoisa answered Friday August 19 2005, 12:45 pm: I think I'm going to get a lot of people mad at me for this. I mostly agree with you. I think that teens are capable of "true love," but I don't think that they are ready or able to recognize it and truly express it. I feel that your term "deep affection" is far more appropriate that love. I also think that "infatuation" describes it pretty well, too.
I belive that true love is more than deep feelings. I think it's an ability to aruge about things and still love each other not just before and after the argument, but also during it. It also is made up of trust. I think you can tell your true love ANYTHING that you have done, that you want to do, or that you think and feel, without being afraid of what they will think. I belive that for it to be "true" love, the feeling normally has to be shared by the person.
I don't think a 13 year old can "REALLY love" his/her boyfriend that they've been with for just a few months. I don't think that can really know a person in such a short amount of time, and I think you need to know a little more about a person than that to really develop mature feelings of love for them.
I completely agree with you on your last few points. Yes, love should last a lifetime, and I believe for some people that it does. I think that maybe some adults never outgrow the relationship habits that they form in early teenage years, and therefore aren't able to recognize/develop true love. [ cailoisa's advice column | Ask cailoisa A Question ]
selectopaque answered Friday August 19 2005, 12:41 pm: First, I want to mention that I'm a 22 year old female, I thought I was in love when I was 17 for a few years, but after we broke up, I realized that I was just dreaming about the first month, and was denying the truth.
Anyway... I believe that it's possible for someone to be in love, yet the two people break up.
There seems to be so much divorce right now because people do not want to try.
People are lazy, if there is a problem, then they dont' try to fix it, they just throw it away and get a new one.
People need to realize that nothing comes easy, not even love. Two people may love each other, but that doesn't mean that everything will be perfect for their entire lives.
I also think that many people say they are in love, when they really aren't. Perhaps they are settling, or, as is the answer with most teens... they just don't know enough to realize that it isn't love. Most teens fall in love with one of their first relationships because it's the best thing they have AT THIS POINT. That doesn't always say a lot. I thought I was in love before because the guy seemed perfect, he had his quirks, but he SEEMED perfect for me.
I know now that he was far from it, but I had to get some more experiences in life in order to realize that.
Some people may find someone to love when they are teens, but they are usually too immature to know how to deal with it. Like I said, everything takes time, and effort to keep forever. You can't expect to be able to know how to deal with that kind of thing when your a teen.
Some people are lucky. I know people who have been together since teen years, now in their fifty's, and they still cuddle and flirt with each other.
But, that doesn't often happen.
Scribble answered Friday August 19 2005, 12:28 pm: I think that yes, you are in correct in stating that many teens/ young adults mistake the first dizzy rush of affectionate feelings for someone as 'true love.' Nearly everyone will have that first special someone (usually someone you blew it spectacularly with) who's attentions were worth more than gold to us- a puppy dog obsession. That said, I think that once people become truly self-aware and self-possessed they can experience love at any age. However I truly believe that love can whither in the same way it can grow. As you said, even adults who claim to be 'in love' may break up which hints that maybe they are putting the wrong term to their feelings. I feel that a teenage relationship can remain forever sweet because it end in love- you part because your life demands it, but you do not forget. People always claim that you 'never forget your first' and I think that is certainly true. But I also think that once a person is in love, if they fail to work hard at it, or give the relationship the time it needs, then love can slowly dissolve. i think that the majority of people who fall in love truly mean it, but love doesnt necessarily last forever (unfortunately). [ Scribble's advice column | Ask Scribble A Question ]
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