Question Posted Thursday December 23 2004, 10:43 pm
ok so, what do you do if you're stuck in this situation:
your dad had an affair for 3 years .. without telling your mom or you or your brothers
sounds bad enough, right?
well .. he's still with the whore and expects me and my brothers to warm up to her... be nice to her .. accept her into the family and what not. oh right, and to add to that: she has a 2 1/2 year old son who is annoying as hell.
she comes with us on vacations, and i know my dad spends the money ...that he needs to 'save' before we're able to buy a BASKETBALL HOOP? ... on her
thats not right.. and i've tried having those long serious chats with him. he thinks i'm just doing what my mother does ... hating her for no reason. she screwed over my whole life, why shouldn't i hate her? ...what should i do? and don't say i should try to like her .. cause thats not happening .. other than that i'm up for any ideas
PerkyPeacock answered Friday December 24 2004, 10:32 pm: just a thought, the annoying twirp could be your brother.
try not to hate her, it's got to be hard, but i think it's possible. try talking to her about the need for a basketball hoop, maybe your dad's just being over protective of her because he's afraid you'll never like her. [ PerkyPeacock's advice column | Ask PerkyPeacock A Question ]
QBillion answered Friday December 24 2004, 3:35 pm: I think you should hate her, after what she's done to your family. Your dad should be ashamed (no offense). That's horrible... I would make her leave by doing bad stuff to her secretly and stuff, but I don't think your mom and dad would get back together even if she did leave, sorry to say. She's a total bitch, agreeing to be with your dad when she knew he had a wife, if she did, I don't know. I would yell at her, or try making them break up, or keep having long chats, I mean, sometimes after a while it gets through to some people.
Happy Holidays - QBillion [ QBillion's advice column | Ask QBillion A Question ]
hailebop answered Friday December 24 2004, 12:19 pm: I know it's incredibly difficult, but you need to stop blaming this woman, and though you may never get along, you need to learn to live with her without causing further hurt to yourself and the rest of your family.<p>
It takes two people to form a relationship. Although it's absolutely normal and natural to want to point the finger at the outsider who contributed towards the end of the marriage, in reality it takes two to tango, and your father wasn't an innocent victim of a seductress - he has made a choice, and he has chosen to have a new life involving this woman. I know it's hard to see objectively, but it sounds to me that despite his bad behaviour (which I am not denying), he still wants to keep you in his life, as he is still taking you on holidays and trying to have you involved in his new family with this new woman and her son. Instead of focussing on what you dislike about this woman and her child, concentrate on what's important to you and your dad - your relationship.<p>
You don't have to befriend this new woman, but you do have to learn to quietly tolerate her if you want to be in your dads life. You are entitled to talk to your dad if you feel you've been badly treated (as in the case of the basket ball hoop), but it's worth realising that you are much more likely to be listened to if you've shown that you are making an effort to tolerate her and aren't just complaining about everything (which, of course, you aren't, but that is hard for your dad to see if it feels like everyone is just complaining about what he's done). Once your father realises that you are being realy mature and sensible about everything, he's more likely to stop and listen to what your saying and treat you and your brothers better. I hope things improve for you. Have a good Christmas! [ hailebop's advice column | Ask hailebop A Question ]
xXxpinky615xXx answered Friday December 24 2004, 11:45 am: I totaly agree with you. You have EVERY reason not to like her. She fucked up your family. And as for your dad saying that you have no reason NOT to like her, that's bullshit. You have every reason not to. And your mother has every reason not to like her too! She fucked up your parent's marriage and family. Do you live with your dad? I think you should move in with your mother instead of your father because that is messed up that he is making you be near that woman. Tell your brothers to rebel against them. If they want to go on vacation and he wants to bring the whore and her son, don't go. He can't force you to do anything you don't want to do. Sorry if this offends you but you're dad is an asshole. You need to talk to your mom and see if you could possibly live with her instead. That is messed up that you have to deal with that woman. [ xXxpinky615xXx's advice column | Ask xXxpinky615xXx A Question ]
SweetStarx89 answered Friday December 24 2004, 11:09 am: hey. i agree with yoU! because if i was you i get on her nerves and everything. my way will be to just annoying the crap out of them and not listen to whatever. but if you hate them both so much just be independent from now on and take care of your own brother. unless you really need something then you can go to your dad but that whore you refer to is stupid because why would you want to ruin a perfect good family? try to go live with your mom if they are no longer together instead so you dont have to deal with her. i mean i kno i will be taking her crap and swing it out the door but thats not the best way. just stay away and get her to stay away from you is the best way. hope i helped! take care. x3 SweetStar. [ SweetStarx89's advice column | Ask SweetStarx89 A Question ]
msjb answered Friday December 24 2004, 10:50 am: i totoally agree with you. Im not saying this is the "right" thing to do, but i woudl stop talking to my dad, and be a bitch to that whore and prolly just ignore the son (but if he got annoying i would be mean to him too). Since talking to your dad doesnt help, just talk to your brothers and you and your brothers can be exteremly mean to your dad and his whore. If your dad tells you to stop or w/e just tell him how its rediculous that he expects your to like her and accept her and that he loves her more than you! But i would just be so incredibly bitchy and do stuff to piss him off all the time, and also i would always get in the way and make sure his whore had the worst time ever when she was around me and then maybe shell leave but ur dad is absolutely rediculous for thinking that you should accept her.. anyway hope it helped! [ msjb's advice column | Ask msjb A Question ]
Shortie8959 answered Friday December 24 2004, 10:23 am: I agree with you 100%! Your dad has NO right to do this. He cares more about his new gf than his own KIDS?! You should definitely tell your mom. She'll be more than happy to let you live with her. Good luck to you and your brothers!
Hope I helped!
~*Erin*~ [ Shortie8959's advice column | Ask Shortie8959 A Question ]
xxxxxx answered Friday December 24 2004, 8:48 am: i totally agree with you. your dad does NOT have his priorities straight. he has his own KIDS and he cares about his girlfriend more than you. it's sick and pathetic. if that was my dad, i wouldn't even WANT to see him. i'd talk to my mom about this and see if theres anything you could do to avoid him. and you SHOULDN'T like your dads girlfriend, she cheated on your dad when he was married with kids. oh yeah, shes a real good person. i think you need to do something serious about this. talk to your mom and brothers. i don't mean to say bad things about your dad, but i just feel so sorry that you have to go through this. i'll keep you in my prayers. [ xxxxxx's advice column | Ask xxxxxx A Question ]
Erinn_the_bamf answered Friday December 24 2004, 8:14 am: If your parents are split up live with your mom. I'm guessing their not from your question but if they are then do that. Anyway if they're not then talk to your dad how this is bothering you and if she tried to be a little nicer it would help. Say it changed your life and if you're as young as you sound in the question that's a BIG change. Explain to your dad your not hating her for no reason- tell him that you hate her because he betrayed your family with her. It may not be the best advice but I hope I helped! [ Erinn_the_bamf's advice column | Ask Erinn_the_bamf A Question ]
maria3654 answered Friday December 24 2004, 12:19 am: hmmmmm tough.well you could try to stay with your dad no matter what never leave his side then he wont have any alone time with her. and you can leave an anonymous note in his car or his bed room saying like "i know what you're doing with this woman, thats why i hate her" but type it, then he wont know your hand writing.hope i helped! [ maria3654's advice column | Ask maria3654 A Question ]
DevilChild answered Thursday December 23 2004, 11:49 pm: i wouldnt say try to like her, far from it. i would be as mean as you can be no matter the conseqenses. i would do everything in my power to scare her off. be mean to her son everything you can do call her a whore anything just do the oppasite your dad says to do [ DevilChild's advice column | Ask DevilChild A Question ]
cutebrunette answered Thursday December 23 2004, 11:29 pm: I think you should talk to your dad. i mean really talk to him. Just tell him how you feel. And if your mom doesn`t know about this other lady i think you should tell her. I think your mom is the first person who needs to know. If she know she can fix it.
icey0990 answered Thursday December 23 2004, 11:22 pm: I think your dad is getting too tied up in HIMSELF. He needs to see that this isnt working for you. If he really loves you (im sure he does) he`ll listen to what you have to say. Write him a letter,email,talk to him..anything! Get your feelings out..this isnt fair to you and i completely understand that you hate this lady. I would too...but always remember it wasnt only her who ruined your life..your dad played a big part too. He messed up. Make him listen to your feelings..its crazy that your dad expects you to warm up to her..he needs to realize that. If communicating to your dad doesnt work..talk to a school counselor..guidance counselor. They will listen to you and its confidential! Get out your feelings and you`ll feel so much better trust me. Hopfully your dad will see how distressed you are..and hopefully he`ll DO something..but its all up to him...hes the one who messed up..and hes the one who needs to make things right. Tell him to go to marriage counseling maybe. Whatever you do..dont keep your feelings bottled up! Best of luck and i hope he listens to you! [ icey0990's advice column | Ask icey0990 A Question ]
xokristabelle answered Thursday December 23 2004, 11:16 pm: Ooh, I know exactly how you feel. I'm in almost the same situation.
I had to be really rude to my dad for him to realize what he'd done. I'd send him a letter letting him know how you really feel. Don't swear or anything, just tell him what you told me. Tell him he's really hurt you and you're not ready to forgive that. You need your brothers' support on this one. Make sure to mention that this has nothing to do with your mom- my dad tried the same thing.
You're never going to like or respect this woman, and that's all right. But your dad needs to respect you a little more.
lyDia_LoU answered Thursday December 23 2004, 11:11 pm: She didn't really ruin it.. it takes two. It's even possible that she didn't know he was married. But your dad shouldn't really expect you to warm up to her. They might really be in love. You don't know what happened before the divorce, or why they waited. Basically, you can't be expected to like her. And if you ever should it'd take awhile. But don't put all the blame on her, i hate to say it but your dad had a part in it as well. [ lyDia_LoU's advice column | Ask lyDia_LoU A Question ]
2bornot2b answered Thursday December 23 2004, 11:08 pm: shun him, talk 2 her about how she RUINED ur life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm very sorry and tell your dad that the 9th commandment is(in my own words) DO NOT ENVEY OTHER PEOPLES WIVES, BE TRUE TO YOUR OWN WIFE
no offense, but your dad has no respect 4 ur family, and he soul pull his face out of his @$$. sry, but he must change what he has tangled UP.im very sorry about everything. hope i help. accept my simpathy. [ 2bornot2b's advice column | Ask 2bornot2b A Question ]
Courtney answered Thursday December 23 2004, 10:54 pm: Tell your father explicitly or verbally how you truly feel about him . Say " this is affecting me and I don't care what you think . You're going to know how I really feel about her ." Don't be nice because you've already taken it that way . Don't have a little chat because this shouldn't be a little chat at all . Tell him how you truly feel about the whole situation . Make him feel ridiculed and be vindictive . Get his attention . Start off calm at first to see how he reacts though . If he dusts it off as nothing then it's time for the show . [ Courtney's advice column | Ask Courtney A Question ]
darkruler31 answered Thursday December 23 2004, 10:53 pm: i dont blame you for not warming up to her i know how u feel because my mom did the same thing to my dad so when she comes over and that just make her and her sons lives miserable sooner or laer she will eather leave you alone or your dad will start talkin to you about it and then he will half to listen so just get his atention ok
hope i helped
bye [ darkruler31's advice column | Ask darkruler31 A Question ]
tish answered Thursday December 23 2004, 10:52 pm: hey i think you should tell your father or the woman how you feel get your feelings out in the open you know.its not fear that you have to suffer for your fathers mistakes.-tish [ tish's advice column | Ask tish A Question ]
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