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My BF can't deal that I beat him at wrestling
Hi, I really hope you can help; i've gotten mixed responses from others...
Basically, my BF discovered that in my senior year of college (I graduated last year) I had taken two semesters worth of judo classes and he thought this was really funny b/c I don't look like, I guess, a "typical" jock chick--that is i'm not muscular or buff or whatever...i'm your stereotypical "girly girl" in appearance--tall, skinny, blond hair, blah blah blah and I'm like 125 lbs....so he's laughing at me, calling me "judogirl", etc., and I was fine w/all that, if a little annoyed, but then he made a mistake: he challenged me to a wrestling match...and I beat him.
He outweighs me by like 40 lbs. and is pretty strong but he didn't understand that my judo skills would use his strength against him and he just couldn't believe I won. I figured it was a one-time deal, but he was so bent out of shape that he's challenged me several times since then, and I've defeated him every time. It would be OK if he didn't take it so seriously, but he just becomes this mean pouty jerk when he loses and keeps challenging me and now i've refused to wrestle him b/c it's no fun and I hate his sexist attitude as well. But refusing to wrestle just makes him angrier and he says stuff like "you're just afraid i'll figure out your 'tricks' and win...it's so annoying!
I've considered just faking it and letting him win but I don't REALLY want to do that b/c I'm proud of my skills, and just wish he would be too...plus when he baits me w/all this "you're just a girl" crap, it gets my goat and i'm more than happy to throw him to the floor and pin him when he gets too tired to fight me off...
Have you ever beaten a boy at something athletic--whether martial arts or sports--or know a girl who has? B/c maybe if I can tell him he's not the only one he won't feel so bad...
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I am fourteen years old and weigh only 85 pounds. My boyfriend is 16 and weighs quite a deal more. Out of the many many times we have wrestled he has only beat me once. I am just a whole deal stronger than him. I never thought of myself as strong until I started wrestling with him. Oh well I guess he is just really weak....
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First off, thank you!
Well your boyfriend needs to realize that even though he's bigger and that he's a male, it's okay lose to a girl. Times are changing, and both sexes are equal now, EVEN physically (sometimes). Girls can be athletic, strong, do judo, wrestle, etc. Why is it such a big deal when you beat him!? Maybe you should remind him that you have experience in judo, so you know how to kick pretty much anyone's butt.. not just his. Maybe go further to remind him that he's better at baseball then you are, or that he kicks ass in card games (these are just examples). Remind him you may be better at this, but he is still better than you at other things.
And yes- I've beaten guys in a few things.. maybe not wrestling, not gonna lie.. my boyfriend is way bigger than me, and he pins me like it's not even a lift of his finger. But I've beaten guys at sports.. football, volleyball, etc. They get peeved, but they really need to learn- girls CAN win too!!
Hope this helps hun!
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well thanks :)
and i have!
ive played SEVERAL guys at my school at arm wrestling and most guys cant beat me :)
i play volleyball and challenged my brother and totally whooped him
i think if you sit down with him and talk to him about how what he says hurts your feelings than he should understand.... if he doesnt than im not sure if hes such a good match, sorry :/
hope it works out for you
if you need anymore help keep asking :)
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I can't admit that I've beaten someone in a real wrestling match or arm wrestling, but once my guy friend said he could easily take me down from behind and he came at me and all I simply did was grab both his arms and flip him completly over me. Lets just say his back was sore and his ego a little bruised haha. Guys are so stuck up about being macho, I hate it. My friend who is also really pretty beats my other guy friend in wrestling all the time and he just never gives up! It's like relax, beating a girl isn't going to help you or make you feel better haha. Hope I helped you out :)
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Actually, a lot of girls have beaten a lot of boys at fighting... (Go to FlutterbyMe's page for one example.) And a lot of other things too...
I've never beaten my fiance at wrestling or a fight. But... There have been several instances in our relationship when he felt like his masculinity was threatened. Once upon a time, he quit his job and his new job wasn't as great as he thought it was going to be. He ended up not having a job for a while... I ended up supporting us financially... Which was hard for him and was just as hard for probably many other men who have been in the same situation. Because even since the sexual revolution, since women started going to college and afterwards to work... A lot of men still feel responsible for providing for their families-even if they have a two income family.
The sexual revolution has taken a lot away from men. Many things that were once a sort of masculine confidence for men... Just aren't anymore. Just as women are struggling to find their place in the world, men are struggling too-just in a different way.
This situation is obviously the source of a lot of insecurity for your boyfriend. Probably doubly so because (and here I assume you are both in your teens, sorry if I'm wrong) he's currently in the middle of defining his own identity... And there aren't factors like current earning potential or ownership to tip the scales in his favor.
Bottom line: he's feeling insecure. That's why he keeps saying everything that he's saying. That's why he keeps challenging you. It's okay for him to feel insecure... But I suspect his behavior causes you to feel like he is disrespecting you in some way... And that isn't okay.
The most important tool in any relationship is communication. Whenever my fiance or I are feeling insecure about our relationship, or just ourselves in general, we try to talk about it. The other shoulders the responsibility of helping to reassure and validate.
So... Naturally, I would talk to my boyfriend about this situation if I were you. Since he doesn't want to admit that he's feeling insecure... You'll have to bring it up. I suggest you try to sound casual about it instead of confrontational. You also might want to start with the way that YOU feel when he says these things to you, in a non-accusatory way, instead of blatantly pointing out his own insecurity. For example, I might say, 'I know you're just teasing me, and you don't mean to hurt my feelings... But sometimes, when you say '.....' I feel disrespected. I'm also frustrated that you and I can't seem to move past something that I consider trivial.'
You may also want to point out, and I don't know if this is true-I'm just venturing a guess, that you may not necessarily be stronger than he is-but you have received martial arts training while he hasn't. He may have previously thought Judo was silly, but _it is_ a recognized method of self-defense. Also point out that you've worked really hard and are proud of your accomplishment and while he may only be 'teasing' sometimes the things he says make you feel like he doesn't recognize this accomplishment as being valid.
Whether he shares with you his reason for feeling insecure or not... Point out that just because you defeated him in a fight... Doesn't make him less of a man. A REAL man is defined by his actions and attitude in everyday life... By his fairness, how he treats the people he encounters, how he responds in situations, etc.
And close with the request that the subject be dropped completely. No more teasing about Judo or your yellow belt... No more saying that you only won because of luck. No more trying to put you down simply because he has a penis and you have a vagina.
I will tell you right now that this situation can go several ways. He'll either respond like a mature and rational adult and two of you will get past this... He could pretend that he isn't taking you seriously and the issue could pop up again... He could get really defensive and this could turn into a full blown fight. (And I hope that isn't the case.)
And while I'm sure the prospect of fighting is unpleasant and that you care for him... Pay close attention to his response. Because his response is going to tell you a lot about him and whether or not your relationship has a chance at success. If he can't admit how he's feeling, if he can't stop trying to put you down, if he can't HANDLE this situation... Well, that's a big red flag. I suggest, in that case, that you re-evalute your relationship and your feelings for him. Because, I hate to say it, it might be time for you to kick him to the curb and find someone _strong_ enough that will fully APPRECIATE YOU and share with you the same sense of pride at your recent accomplishment.
In any case, best of wishes. Sorry this was so long. ;)
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i've beat alot of guys in things before haha. like plenty of sports, yeah they get really mad about it but im like i don't care haha (: my ex-boyfriend had a problem with me like being tough. im not like TOUGH but if a guy wants to say stuff to me like there better than me, yeah imma do something. ya know? i think your boyfriend might just be in shock because he thinks hes suppose to like protect you and if you can always like fight for yourself about things then..idk maybe he thinks he cant help you. idk haha im sorry. im not really good with advide :P but i tried. ♥ haha
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Oh yeah I def have dealt with guys like that before. I'm actually a blue belt in Karate and when I first started, I signed up with my bf and he wasn't really a jerk about getting beat sometimes. He knew what we were trained to do and he knew that he wasn't invincible and anyone who can take the fall is a true athlete. But I dealt with a lot of people who would under estimate me big time and thought I was this skinny little girl that was ditsy and couldn't take anyone down. Your bf sounds like he is a sore loser and if he can't take the fall once in a while, then he needs to grow some balls. I think it's awesome how you showed him! And I def want to try Judo sometime as well as Brazilian jujitsu. He's just in denial and saying you just got "lucky" is bs. If he was a good wrestler than he wouldn't have been struggling with taking you down. He sounds really immature and hopefully you can find someone in your judo class that respects the fact that your a women and that you can kick some ass!
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haha thanks. well ive taken tae kwon do lessons and can and have wooped a guy in a fight... mayb not wrestling tho. and ive beaten guys at arm wresting... and basketball... and pool haha. but anyways ya mayb tell him something like stop being sexist and to respect you and stop it with the re-matches.
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Well, I'm kinda weak, so I don't exactly beat guys at arm wrestling and such. No upper body strength :].
But, I have beaten guys at sports such as field hockey, soccer, dodgeball, basketball, and a few others. No, I may not have been the best example for this question, but girls can be just as competitive as guys!
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Dear challenger,
Yes I have actually! I am a skinny person ( i get it from my dads side) and everyone thinks that im weak until I arm wrestle them. I beat my own dad and one of my best guy friends too. At first they were kind of upset but after a while they laughed it off. I dont get why girls can never beat the guys with out the guys freaking out. There all for competition and when two competetive people collide you better stand back because it can get pretty ugly lol. Tell your bf that girls can do anything guys can do..and maybe even better :) GOOD LUCK!
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Ha, well thank you for the compliments. :) Actually, I have beaten several guys at a number of different athletic, sporty-type things. It's difficult for a guy to grasp the concept that sometimes girls happen to be better at certain things than guys are. But, you're definitely right. It shouldn't make him mad. He should be proud he has such an athletic girlfriend and deal with the fact that it is possible for cute girls come out on top when it comes to certain things. :) Hope I helped! xxo Hannah :)
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well thanks for thinking i'm pretty=)
But no, I have never beaten a guy like that .. haha .. i`m not very athletic ...
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Wow, I know exactly how you feel. I'm a competitive swimmer, and I hate to brag but I am pretty fast. At swim meets, the faster heats (races) go last, and usually the girls there are massive; huge arms, muscular legs, super tall. I'm really skinny, pretty short (I'm at least a head shorter than the other girls). They always kind of look at me like why the heck am I there. I kind of find motivation to swim my fastest when they do that. I'm like, I'll show them what I'm doing here, I'm here to swim faster than you.
At practice, some of the slower guys ask to race me. And by reading your question, I realized why. They can't believe a tiny girl can be better than them. (hehe, that feels so good to say).
I have beaten about 25% of the guys that challenged me to arm wrestle them. (We had this whole thing at my school, like we had an arm wrestling competition), but that was back in 6th grade.
So as I understand it, your boyfriend doesn't do Judo with you, but challenges you to see if he can beat you? Well if that's right, I think if you want this relationship to last, leave the competition out of it. If he wants to see if he can beat you in something, just say flat out no. You guys should be a team, one that supports each other, not one who tries to see who's best at something, because that will go beyond strength and sports, it'll soon turn into who's smarter, better looking, etc. If he still insists, explain that to him.
If he still says that you got lucky, let him think that. I think he is saying that to cover up his hurt and to convince himself that you really did get lucky to make himself feel better.
So good luck, and congrats on your yellow belt, my brother just got one too so I know its a pretty big deal!
~Maria, 16
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Thank you for calling me pretty :)
It's funny because I'm actually really athletic too. I don't play sports anymore because I don't have time in high school because of my job, but I've always been really good at basketball and football. No boys ever believed me when I would say that I could throw and catch better than at least half the guys in the school. The thing is, it's true. But they would never give me the chance to prove it. They're way too scared. They think they have to be all macho and bigger and better than girls. So if a big girl beats them, they'd say something like "Oh well she's not your normal girl". But if a girl like you and me at 125 pounds beats them, they get all upset haha.
But yeah, I've beaten a guy at basketball. Also arm wrestling a couple of times. I dunno why they get so worked up, it's just a thing guys have. He probably won't stop bothering you which sucks :/
And good for you for beating him :)
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Hiya,
Sorry this took so long, my computer's been down.
Of course I've beaten someone in arm-wrestling. Your looks or size have nothing to do with YOU.
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OK, let me start off by saying thanks for posting a question in my inbox.....
Every guy is the same. They all think girls are just there to look pretty, and most of them think they are there to protect the common female.
Your answer....no, i have never beaten a guy at anything like that...I am a very small girl and my parents babied me so i don't really know any self-defense. Be glad you know enough self-defense to make it out there on your own. What he needs to realize is that many girls out there can take care of themselves, even if it takes challenging them all to do so. You should invite him to one of your classes, so he can see that other girls, like ones in your class, can fight and stand up for themself. You can't just sit there and let him think every female needs constant protection, and you don't need a bodyguard. If he feels he needs to be a bodyguard to someone, you don't cut the credit. Just sit him down and tell him, I don't need a bodyguard, I can take care of myself. If he can't deal with that, then he needs to find someone else he can baby and protect.
Hope I helped.
~countriebabe08
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well first of all, thank you! =]
have i ever beatin a guy? probably. ha. im fairly athletic, used to be really athletic and im competitive too. i think i have beaten guys before, but not alot, maybe just a couple times so i cant think of anything right off the bat.
dont worry about him. guys are just sore losers especially when they lose to girls. its just a big hit to their pride and they cant STAND it because they have to be the top dogs in everything. its just a guy thing. either you can beat him over and over and over and let him go on and on and pray he eventually gives us, or just ignore it and tell him he's making an idiot of himself and to let it go.
congrats on the wins though! hehehe =]
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hahaa i see your boyfriend is pretty competitive and jealous of you. but it wouldnt just be him tho, you see, guys dont like their girls to be tougher then them. so i wouldnt really blame him, and its not your fault your pretty and is better at sports. lol maybe you should talk to him and let him know that you care about him and that you dont want the both of you to not be together anymore because you're both always competing to see whose better at wrestling and stuff. hope i helped! :]
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First off, thanks for the compliment! lol Second...my bf and I wrestle all the time, and I have won PLENTY of times! My legs are very strong, and I am way more flexible, those two combined have helped me win a lot. Who says girls can't be more athletic than guys? Just because we are girls, doesn't mean we can't beat a guys but every once and a while, no matter how big or small we are!
<3
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You're boyfriend is just being a little...well, bitch lol. I haven't personally beaten a guy at a wrestling or arm wrestling unless the guy let me win. I have though won at sports and such. Guys are usually bigger and stronger so they do usually have the advantage but that doesn't mean a girl can't beat them. Specially if she's had the training you've had. Just ask him to stop being such a baby about it because getting that belt was important to you and he should be proud of what you've accomplished. He shouldn't sit there and tell you that you got lucky when you beat him. You didn't get lucky, you knew what you were doing because you learned it.
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Haha, thats rather cute. Most guys are afarid to admit that they can be defeated by a chick. And the best part is, most chicks really can kick a guys ass with no problem if they really tried.
I know for a fact you can take him down. If you've taken a judo class, they teach you specialized moves to protect yourself. I was in Takewando for a year when I was 13 and I could take my dad down!
Yes I have taken many men down. Im somewhat of a bitch to people if they have something to say about my friends, so if one of my friends or myself is being hit on by a guy and we tell him were not intrested, they normally through a fit and start pathetic name calling. Im like a steam roller when it comes to come backs, so noramlly my come backs will piss them off to the extent that they wanna fight. And Ive taken alot of men in my life.
I also took an army combat trainging coarse while I was living in Germany with my ex husband. Im 155 lbs and he was 225 lbs. One day when he threw me up agaisnt a wall and made me mad, I ended up breaking his nose while I flipped him right over my head.
All in all, ya just gotta know the right moves. And if your man wants to challenge me to a match bring him on! Guys dont scare me! haha!
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haha well im pretty weak so i usually dont win at things like that but i have fun trying anyway haha, but i remember one time me and guy were trying to push eachother off a dock in the water and he was twice the size of me and i got him off fisrt, we just laughed it off and he didnt really care (plus he got me back later)but that wasnt as competitive as you were being.
But you know guys they NEVER want to be second best especially against a girl because were so under estimated. Hes probably just being insecure about it.
if you need anything else feel free to ask :)
Jess<3
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Hey,
First off, congratz on beating your Bf in 2 wrestling matches! I give you props!=] And I would have done the same- challenging him..
Ok, so obviously, you beat him fair and square, twice, so there is NOTHING left for you to prove, you have already made the point clear to him, that girls CAN beat boys at most anything. And you were a better wrestler.
Since (most) guys have HUGE mojos-or whatever you want to call them-, he is probably still in awe that you beat him. And he will probably keep pestering you. I know it sucks. But thats guys for ya, they believe that guys were made to wrestle, and beat girls, especially pretty, blonde girls. In a guys mind, we girls are made for showing off, not competing against them, and especially not beating them.
Im not saying that all guys are like that, dont get me wrong, but my ex, and your bf have a lot in common.
I beat my ex in a one -on- one volleyball match and he cried about it for weeks, trying to get me at a re-match. Whether I was lucky or not, I had beaten him, and that day was done and over with. Sadly, the only way I have found for peace to be restored is to compete with him again, or hope with all your heart that this passes over. I wouldnt challenge him to wrestling, or a martial arts type thing, but something that you and he can both be good at like ping-pong, video-games, something small. Try your hardest. Im not saying that you should lose, but guys need their label to say 'Im a big strong guy, who can beat a girl', so he will need something to prove to himself that he is that label. I wouldnt start off by challenging him to a 'small' match yet, try and see if this can pass buy. Tell him that you beat him fair and square. You might have been lucky, or you might not have been lucky, but you proved to be better than him already, and you dont need to prove it again. That might not be necessarily the best advice, but its something that I know works.
Ok, so answering your question, yes, I have beaten a few guys in arm wrestling. I have beaten plenty of guys in one- on -one volleyball, soccer, swimming, and basketball. Im not the martial arts kind of girl, and I dont typically enjoy wrestling, so I havent beaten a boy in wrestling before. I do have friends who go all out martial arts, and can beat almost any guy that challenges them, but outside of the ring they are the cover of an Abercrombie and Fitch commercial.
Guys dont run the world, although they sometimes think they do. On the big picture, you see men doing a lot of things, and barley any women are alongside with them, but if you open up the world, you'll see women working behind the scenes. Women keep the world spinning, and at any point in time, one could jump out and run amongst the guys. Its not the most common thing, but it does happen, all the time. When a girl beats a guy, I guess you could say it scares them. It goes against all they believe, about girls being pretty and sweet- and not rough.
Guys- cant live with them cant live without them! And thanks for the comment about me being pretty.
Hope all works out, and thanks for the question!
And I apologize about having to wait so long for my answer.. Sorry!=]
♥ April
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There is a guy i know that was in jail on a regular basis. He would always rough house with me because when he made me mad i would punch him in the arm as a joke. One day he decided to try to play fight me. He got me down on the ground but i was able to not just move but flip him and reverse the position. This is a man filled with scars and such from jail. Who fought regularly and was good at it. He stopped and was like "Holy crap i just got whooped by a 5ft chick." But he accepted it. Tell your man to get over it. Sounds like he is a little insecure. ;) Good for you though I think thats great.
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Yeah I understand how you are feeling I grew up with guy and I took tae kwon do for about 4 years I got all the way up to my red belt. (Which is almost black) but then I just got really bored so i quit. well most of the guys there said they could beat and thought that they could at sparing but none of them did I always kick there asses. Yeah i never dated any of them but still they had pretty brusie egos that this "litter girl" beat them. I have also beaten guys in many sports taht they seemed to think they were so amazing at i said pff and proved them all wrong like me most recent boyfriend we joked about beating eachother up and the first time i pinned himm! I was so happy but he was really hurt and i saw that so we went agian and I let him win just beucase I saw how much he ego was hurt. I think its a guy thing. They have to prove that they are macho and what not. Im not saying that he should be acting the way he is he needs to be proud of you. And thanx for the compliment : )!!!! Hope he comes around and see this isnt the 1800's anymore! just kidding(about the 1800's)!
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okay...it sounds like his ego needs a little boosting. i quit arm-wrestling the guys solely because some cant handle a loss to a girl. its normal. i know this sounds bad but seriously..try really hard but let him win a few.
and in answer to your question...yes ive beat many guys. they think just becase i like to dress preppy and make myself look nice means im weak. i am not weak and most guys know it. but in regards to your boyfriend...just take it easy and my suggestion is just dont wrestle him at all but if he insists then win one and then let him win one. or something to that effect.
if you have anymore questions just write to my inbox again. im not sure if i answered like you wanted.
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hey
wow that's funny i got the same question on my old advice colum so im just gonna copy and past what i said before.
Have you ever heard the expression guys will be guys? Well Most guys act a certain way just in order to hide there true feelings. Why? I simply dont know. But I do know this you beating him in a simply game of wrestling brought his ego down. He feels as though you control the power in the relationship. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
Its just that guys are a little bit sexists. I know its wrong but theres nothing us girls can do about it. All through out history the women was a housewife figure type and the man went out got the money, and was the leader of the household. But times have changed.
But still guys believe they should be the ones to protect there ladies. Now that you have defeated him he now thinks that you dont need him as much as he thought!
A man wants to feel that his girl needs him even if we dont always do. Its just something we have to do in order to make the relationship work. As I see it now the only reason hes acting this way is because he doesnt want you to see his true feelings.
He doesnt want you to think hes upset. Most guys are like that so dont stress.
Even though I agree with you 100% I think you should make him feel more of a man.
Ask him for a rematch game and let him win. I know it may be wrong but trust me its the best thing. Who cares if he thinks hes stronger. You know you are and thats all that matters. So this way you both win. Think of it this way if an idiot fights with you
Are you going to fight back or just let him win. I mean you could fight back but no matter how much you fight the idiot will never understand! Just think of your man as your little idiot! Also you really have to think to yourself whats more important this man that I love or my own ego. Its up to you! I myself have beaten boys many times. I was the fastest runner in my school. Not only did I beat all the girls I beat all the boys. Of course the boys were mad but they got over it so if you dont agree with my advice maybe you should just wait until he gets over it or talk to him tell him if he really cared about you he wouldnt see you as just a girl that beat him but as a good athlete.
Well I hope I helped and if you ever need to talk just im me anytime
♥ maria ♥
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ahh that sucks. guys are dumb at times. haha i've kicked my ex-boyfriends ASS at volleyball. and i've beaten a few of my guy friends when i was playin bball with them. they're cool with it, and your boyfriend should be cool with u winning too. you're good at things and so is he.
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Well, I don't remember beating a guy at sports or anything. Your boyfriend is too macho. Try bribing him or threatening ((in a nice way)) him. Like.. tell him no kisses for a day each time he challenges you, or something like that. It's hard to change guys that think girls are just there to look pretty + can't fight, but if you say like "no more [whatever he likes] if you keep challenging me.." might work. But don't forget to follow through if he does challenge you! =) Good luck; I hope I helped!
..xo* Jess
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I'm so NOT athletic that it borders on hilarity. But I think it's great that you've excelled at something like judo which requires not only physical agility and strength, but mental skill and dicipline. Seriously, good for you!
I'm assuming that you're about 23 and that he's probably your same age...which probably means that he hasn't fully matured yet. Nothing against your boyfriend, but that's just how most guys are. I'm actually surprised that he keeps challenging you, normally one humiliating experinence is enough to keep someone away unless it really meant something to that person.
It seems you've tried talking to him. Make sure you've REALLY talked to him though. Sit him down with no tv, music, distractions, and explain to him what you've expressed here.
Personally? I'd accept his next challenge and let him win. He'll probably gloat, let him. Now, don't get mad at me. Just let it go. If his attitude regarding this situation is an example of deeper chauvanistic or egotisitical, it'll come out and you'll be more prepared for seeing it.
You don't need to beat him every time to continue being proud of your talent. You know you're good. Girl, HE knows you're good (that's why he's so upset, even if it's unnecessarily so).
Good luck and I suggest you challenge his friends to a match...and win!
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