So I feel that I am losing my bestfriend to her boyfriend. She spends most of her time with him & we are only 14. Is this wrong? Like everytime I try to hangout with her, she's always with him or has plans or the next busy with him. I feel that she is way too involved with him at this age. Like 14 years old you should be having fun with your friends, not making your boyfriend your life & priority. At this age is it wrong to be hanging out with your boyfriend more then your friends?
I experience the same thing with my best friend about a year ago. We would even make plans and she would suddenly cancel because her boyfriend wanted to do something. Of course I was hurt, just like you are. Feeling rejected in any situation sucks. After awhile I got used to it. I hate to tell you that there is really nothing you can do about it.
Your friendship will continue like this until one of two things happen:
A) She breaks up with him or vise versa. In which case she will need your support like never before.
B) You get a boyfriend and realize that it's normal.
You see, I thought my friend just didn't want to spend time with me anymore and that she was wrapped to tightly around her boyfriend. Until about 7 months into their relationship I got a boyfriend. All of a sudden I understood and I asked her for advice.
Whenever you get a boyfriend things change in your friendships. No matter how much you try to avoid it, it WILL happen.
Now I do see that your friend is young, which is why I feel that the relationship will NOT last forever. Or at the very least she will develop a schedule with him. (Takes about 4-5 months) before she starts making time for you again.
In any case, I suggest passing the time with other friends and family. Know that one day you will understand. Even though it's a terrible feeling, she really doesn't mean to hurt you. She just doesn't know she's hurting you- and if you tell her she won't know how to fix it.
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hi CD, i'm the girl in trouble with my male best friend. I tried to talk to him yesterday but he seems to be avoiding me. This sucks because I almost told him now he seems to flee when ever I'm coming. I don't know what to think, we're so awkward.plus now i'm second guessing myself. do i give him up and move on or risk it and lose him completely?
This happened to me and my boyfriend as well. Only it was the opposite when he started to mention that he liked me I freaked out and ignored him... for me it was simply because I thought that he wasn't serious and I REALLY did like him.
I'm not sure what you told him to make things awkward... but I wouldn't stop now. I mean your gonna have to talk about it the sooner the better. Fine a good time and privacy. Tell him that you like him... LIKE him LIKE him.. however you choose to word it. Be frinedly not flirty and tell him that your sorry. You clearly weren't planning on it.. it just happens. I'd tell him that its alright if doesn't feel the same and that you understand (which is a lie of course it will crush any girls feelings but we live) then see what his response is. Make sure to say that you value this friendship and don't wanna lose it. Maybe give him a couple days and see what happens. Ugh I don't know why guys have to be so complicated sometimes... In my opinion they have as much drama as girls do. I hope he comes to his senses, I'm not promising that you won't be let down.. I've learned to expect nothing and hope for the best. Let me know what happens if you want.
CD
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hi, i'm a twenty year old who is afraid to fall in love. I'm asian and live in a conservative catholic environment. I once lost the guy I loved to the calling of being a priest, i was soo catatonic then that when I finally recovered my friend asked me not to enter a relationship till I at least finish collage. That was back when I was a junior in high school now I'm a senior in collage and i think i'm falling for my best guy friend. the same guy whom i promised I won't fall for. I'm afraid that if i tell him it'll put a dent in our friendship and i value him too much to risk alienating him for he is too important to lose.
Well that is a tough situation. I guess If I was in your position I would have to weigh my options. A) Telling him which could either result in a new relationship with the amazing guy I think I am falling in love with OR it could make things awkward B) Not telling him and living the rest of my life wondering what could have been if I had and watching him possibly falling for some other girl knowing how much I like him
Now to me I would tell him. Love is all about putting your self out there and making your self completely vaulrable. Plus if he is a great friend then it wouldn't put a dent in your friendship. Love is amazing and completely worth it to me.
Now Speaking from personal experience I am dating my best friend going on 8 months now. We talking for a year and we both REALLY liked each other but we wouldn't say anything, too afraid of losing the other. In the end he got brave and told me that he liked me and that he didn't want things to be weird but he had to tell me... and look at us now. SO it can work--- trust me, Good luck inbox me if you need anything else,
CD
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It's not that I'm always online or anything, but I've had very very few close friends in my life. I moved to a new town a year ago and I still don't feel like I have any genuine friends.. though I'm a good friend to anyone, even people I don't really know. As long as they aren't mean to me.
It just seems like its easier to find people online with common interests. Its annoying. Where are cool people like this IRL? I'd love to actually have a best friend I'd be totally on the same page with, who doesn't live in a different state, much less a different country.
HOW DO I FIX THIS. I'm a 16 (almost 17) year old girl. I can't change myself to be like other people.. I won't enjoy that. But I'd like to think I'm not that weird, even though my interests don't often fall into the mainstream I guess. But online theres far more people who share my interests. But I don't want my whole social life to be online you know? I suck at the friend thing in general, and being in a new-ish town doesn't help. I had to transition from the North to the South and people are very different.
I know I shouldn't give much focus to friends and all right now but.. I just feel so lonely and I've already missed out on all the friend perks of high school and junior high so Idk.. I'd like some fun to look back on, and not just reflect on these years as the worst time in my life? cause everything was good until 5th grade. But it would help school be a lot funner, you know
Online everyone finds it easier to "put them selves out there". Where as at school most of your peers are just trying to go with the crowd and fit in. Online its easier to be yourself, and if your not careful someone else.
If you have a facebook I would ( and no this isn't stalking) check the profiles of the people at the new school. Just see if any interest or classes are similar to yours. Then from there I'd add them as a friend. Try talking to them at school and if you see that they would be a good friend you can talk to them online too.
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I am 15, girl. I am having my birthday this month and I had a few plans with certain friends that weekend before my party and it was all set, we knew exactly what we were gonna do.. and my best friend (boy) bailed. So, I asked if he would be able to come to my party still and he said yea why not and then he said he doesn't know when he is going to come home from where he was going to be that weekend and I got so mad. Naturally, when I get mad at someone, I freeze them out. I am a happy person who is nice all the time but when you do something to me, you could die of frost bite. So, I told him that it was funny because everyone said he wasn't going to come and I was just saying all of this stuff to him, I don't regret it but I just really want him to come. So my question is, if he comes, what should I do and say? If he doesn't show up, what should I say to him and how should I handle it?
Thanks!
haha, I would just like to say I was also once a master of freezing people who hurt me out. From my experiences with that I would like to conclude "DO NOT... EVER DO THAT" It's the worst thing possible because it'll end up hurting you. You will miss this guy because as you said he was/ is your best friend. Do you know how hard it is to get someone back after freezing them out? Very hard, and you don't want that. In this life you need to have friends.. and I know it feels like he is being a complete JERK. But I agree. Maybe you could arrange a movie or somehting small after he gets back.. or just be like "if you wanna come, come I would love for you to be there" and if he shows great be happy its YOUR b-day don't let him ruin it. If he Doesn't show.. well that's bad, lol there isn't any other way around it and it'll hurt your feelings. You can tell him you wished he was there, he missed out. But don't freeze him out. Losing someone is one of the worst things, and you realize that a little bit as your doing it but a couple years from now you will REALLY notice-- promise.
CD
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hello advicenators.
first of all i havent been on this site in 3 years. and must i say its great to be back.
so i wont get into details because i'm just wondering this in general, what happens when someone you love, as in a best friend, hurts you. they didnt mean to, and you understand that, but what they did hurt you and you start to realize they werent the person you thought they were. i want things to go back to normal but i can't forget what she did to me.
any experiences with a simliar situation? advice?
If they arn't who you thought they were, they can't go back to normal. Because that was never there normal. Look into the future, can you picture your life better, or worse with out that person?
Worse- Forgive them but move on without them
better- Stay friends, forgive and forget, we all have to.
I have had a simular situation! My bff turns out to be hatfull, and judgmental of others. I hate that about her but I can't change it really! I have told her that I am sorry but I can't be friends with a jerk.
She quit. Now though I can always tell when she is judging someone. I hate that! But I live with it beause I don't want to loose her.
:)
C.D.
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17/f. My one friend has been kind of mean to me lately and it's pissing me off she always puts me down and she does this to other people to. I'm not sure if she is joking or what
I have a friend like that too! Pain in the... butt.
Well I have desided that she just wants attention/ is self consious. I am not sure about your friend, but mine will find somthing, a flaw, wrong with another person and then make a snotty comment about it! Yet she "sees" herself as perfect.
Well she isn't and I finially told her to stop acting like a pathetic jerk! I am not going to hang out with someone who can only see the week points in others but not herself!
She was pissed. She got over it though and apologized to me. Can you believe it! I relize now I shoulda did it sooner! Other wise you WILL go crazy.
Just tell her.
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Hey I'm 15 years old... my bff started to be like bff with my ex boyfriend...but that was normal and she talked with me about everything he did with her ex girlfriend (the one after me)... but lately she's been acting really weird... like texting with him (I know it's him cuz I saw once a message), and in her b.day they were acting like bf and gf!! I told her abour that and she said to me that he wasn't her type at all and that she would never date her bff ex boyfriend... but yesterday I found a conversation of them in my computer and they said to each other I love You too much for my likeness... and this week like two days she's been I don't know where because she doesn't want to tell anyone... and the other they she called ME to go to her house URGENTLY... and when I arrived there with another friend he was with her in her house totally alone...I didn't like it at all... and today she ditched us because she was somewhere she didn't tell us (my friends and I and a friend that came from England who is friens with her since preschool!!) all of us are soo pissed with her... but I don't know if I'm more pissed with her because of her dating him even when she told me she would never date her best friend's (me) boyfriend or because she hadn't tell me and it's hiding it from me... :S I'm so confused...xoxo Claire
Your probley feeling really pissed for being left out of the loop, She is your friend for pete's sakes she is supposed to tell YOU everything!
But I've had a situation like your before! My BEST friend dated my ex boy friend less then a week after we had broken up. ( we broken up because he was interested in someone else, i soon learned it was her )
Me and her are, lets just say, no longer on speaking terms! Which is horrible and I don't want your guys relationship to end up like that!
Obviously she is hiding something, and obviously it is the fact she is dating your ex! Which has to hurt a little for you, exspeccially after she promised she wouldn't.
I say that you need to confront her by yourself, since it is YOUR ex she is dating! Just tell her that if your friendship was true she wouldn't hide things like this, and that you want to know if they are in any kind of relationship! Tell her to spare you the details but to be truthfull from now on because your friends, and that is what your supposed to do!
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13/m
is there a kind of a set of stages type thing of what a girl will do when their angry at you because i was going out with this girl for about a week but then she got angry and dumped me because she said i was ignoring her and not paying enough attention and not making her feel special like i should and that is somewhat true but i was always afraid if she would get too creeped out by me telling her that she was beautiful and stuff like that so i hardly ever did now its been about a week and shes still angry at me
but for the first few days she was angry and telling me what i should of done to/for her that would make her feel special and stuff now shes starting to ignore me because i saw her at the movies as i was walking past it to go into the shops and i waved at her and her friend who was with her who is my friend also and she turned around and saw me then just looked away and that completely ruined my day so is there like stuff that she will keep doing for a certain amount of time until she forgives me and ive told her im sorry but she told her friend to tell me that she said im a dick head so im like getting unhappy cause she means alot but i cant keep going on with her being like this
sorry its so long
thanks
Your 13, your not anything she has called you! You shouldn't have to be her slave.
And chances are if you had everything you felt on instinct she would have gotten creaped out. BECAUSE she isn't your sole mate, one true love, or whatever! Find a girl who your comfortable with, and vise versa, then show her how you feel. She won't be creaped out and you won't be a ****
C. D
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So here's the thing. I just graduated high school.I'am only seventeen years old and I'am honestly fed up with my friends. Not to be mean,but i really have outgrown them.I just feel like I'am more mature then them and therefore I need mature friends.All of them "claim" that they are grown now because they are 18 and i just feel like thats bull.To me everybody's in a competion with one another.And I hate to say this but I feel like I dont have strong friends at all.One friend just cant let a boy she dated go.He cheated and he has TWO,yes..TWO kids.I mean,come on!! What will it take.I also have one friend who is so lazy and isnt committed to anything.They are very smart girls but for some odd reason I cant help but to think they have no back-bone.I'am a strong girl and i need strong people around me for support when i cant be.I feel like I'am forever Baby-sitting and i'am the youngest out the group.I forgot to mention that they are all bad influences.They are forever sprung off guys and that cant be good.They only bother with some dudes just to have sex with them and thats not my thing.But they never forget to make me feel like a baby because i dont have sex.My life means everything to me and i dont want to waste it being around negative people.I have hopes and dreams and very important goals and I just feel that they will slow down my purpose.Am I wrong for wanting to hang with a new crowd or Am I a sell out? Fake? Please help me in this situation Becuase I dont feel guilty but Am I being harsh? Thanks for listening,~ladypink
~
I know how you feel! I have a similar situtation only one of my friends is and guy and the other is a girl. And in my case they're both perverted, and in love with each other.
You probley feel like a third wheel part of the time. Like they think they are better then you, and treat you like crap! You want to go to college and further your self in a career! You unlike your friends arn't into the whole hoping from one guys bed to the next, right?
Well it is perfectly fine to want new friends! More mature and grown up!
If your old friends ask whats up with you and your new crowd you just tell them that you are grown up and when they descide to be to call you . But till then your going to hang out with people who are going some where with their life, and appreciate you for you who you are, and not your love life!
Stand up for yourself, everyone deserves to,
C. D
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OK my friend asked who I think she is going out with?And I told her the person who I think she is!And she wont answer me and I like this boy alot and I have for a long time and she knows that!!! and I dont know if she is lieing or not and if this boy even cares about me?
Once upon a time I was dating a scum bag who dumped be for my BEST friend. In the end and to this day I lost both of them!
This isn't your situation but it is an example of how men can walkin and take everything from you if you let them. SO. You have a few options:
Opt #1: Choose the Boy over your friend. This means you fight for him. Confront him ask him out, ect. Just so you can have him and not your friend.
Opt #2: Ignore your feelings and watch painfully as your friend dates the guy of your dreams
Opt #3: My personal choice: Tell your friend somthing along the lines of " I like him too, and I know that sounds awfull but I do. However I wouldn't give up our friendship for a guy. So... Lets make a pack whoever he likes best can have him no questions. Because guys will come and go but friens are there forever!
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kay so theres this girl, i thought she was my bff.........but then i think she kinda changed over the summer. and then she tells me stuff, and i believed her, and then she says shes lieing. but now i dont know if its true or not and im scared about her now
From the little to info to work with what I can best see is that your friend is confused, and in that she is confusing the people she loves, you.
I know from personal experience people drift apart and change through just a few months. I lost my best friend, we still don't speak! I still miss her. And even though I don't agree or understand some of the things she does or has done I know that I wish I just could've been there for her, maybey if I had done somethings differently, things would be different. But that is in the fast and now I need to focuse on the future.
You have that chance! This is your present and you can change the current out come of this situation that will be similar to mine! Tell her you love her for what is on the inside no matter how corny it sounds! That you don't understand exactly what is changed but that you still want to be there for her and want her to be there for you! Things don't have to be like old times because we all change. But if you can salvage this friendship it is worth it! Tell her you don't like lies, and you wish that your could start a clean slate, no lies, no uncept promises!
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okay. So my friend doesn't really seem like my friend too much anymore. Ever since middle school started my friend has just kind of dumped me. I wasn't in her class at the begining of the year, then i was through the rest of the year. She made a new friend at the begining of 7th grade, and introduced me to her when i got moved to her class. Now they always do everything together and always leave me out. I really do not know what to do. I miss hanging out with her like we did in 6th grade. Just help me please ! I don't know if i should say something to them or just keep getting left out of things until they notice. Then there's times that I do try to say something to them, but they get mad at me and leave me out of more things. Help !
Here is something that anyone out of middle school can tell you that your friendship status changes! Your growning up and growing apart. If I look back at 5th grade and pictured who I would be friends with in the next 3 years I am pretty sure none of my friends would have came to mind.
That is because you have more classes now! You have more responsibility and these are the years you really learn who people are! SO... YOU have to choose if you wanna either put up with the crap or not. IF i was you not only would i get your friend alone, but I would tell her how you feel and ALSO make new friends. You should feel wanted and if they arn't doing it then find someone who will
-c.d
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ok im 15/f and i live in florida and i just wanted to know: is it weird that after a few relationships i don't want to really date anymore? and i have this one friend that i really like and i might want to date him but i like being single and i don't know if i should date him or not, and i don't know if he still likes me or not considering he's asked me out twice already. and my mom doesn't really like the guy but she didn't really meet him, and my friends say i should but then i don't know because he can lie occasionally
Okay, so you like being single for a little while thats great! Enjoy it, and stay in that period of your life for a while I say a few weeks or longer depending on what ever you feel like! Don't listen to your friends they arn't you clearly!
Here is what I think you should do:
1st- stay single for a while
2nd-while single JUST stay friends with your guy friend, and make sure you tell him your just want to be friends for now anyways so he isn't confused
3rd-then invite him over along with your other friends for a casual movie night or something where your mom can get get to know you guy friend as your friend first.
***4th*** Once your mom is comfortable around him and you decided he is a nice guy that you want to date. DATE hime :D.
By giving time your will get your thoughts clear and your mom will learn to love him. OR worst case scenerio if he is a bad guy then you will learn that with time.
win win either way though. GOOD LUCK
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Ok there is this friend were ONE minute...they are so nice...and next they are mean and snotty...i also hear from other people that they are talking bad about me and making fun of me...idk what to do...should i just never talk to them again?..HELP
Hi, I know what boat your in.
Infact at my high school theres many different "clicks" and one of them uses nice people like you.
They will act all nice and everything when they need something but the minute you say something that isn't in their vocab. they make sure you feel different. For example. The people at my school used this one girl and they told her to hang out with them they had to be skinny, so she basically starved her self!
***So I say dump them, even if their negetivaty isn't to that extreme! Chances are they probabley are talking trash about you! So stand up tell they are rude jerks and find someone people who might apreciate your presence in their lifes!!!
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my best friends hate me and say all i do is see my boyfriend and never spend time with them. i do spend alot of time with my boyfriend (obviously we love eachother) who ive been going out with for almost 8 months. but thought i was still finding time with them. they started making up things about mine and my bf's relationship, wich is not true. i dont understand why friends whould do this, and everytime i try to talk to them they wont listen and start abusing me and making it seem like its all my fault. what can i do?
-Sara 16
Hi, I don't mean to trash other advice, but in my opinion your friends don't dislike your boyfriend, they are just protective and jelous in some sense! For example imagine if you 3 were all single and one of the other two friends suddenly starts dating this guy that you and the other friend dont know or hang out with! You and your friend would of course want the best for the other persons relationship but, in another sense your protective and scared of loosing them, or them getting hurt!
In conclusions your friends probabley miss you, and are afraid that your relationship is going to far! They just need some special time away from the relationship just to hang. So Here is is my advise
...
Sara stop taking this crap your friends are giving you about you and your special guy! Stand up for your friendship. Tell them that this is crap and that they know it! Tell them to try and view it from your shoes like you have done and tell them and that your sorry! Because you probabley could have canceled one date a week just to hang with them.
When your friends and you reconsile plan a few days to shop and go to the theatre, or whatever you guys do and do and do it! Then when they are comforatable you may be able to combine your bf life with your your friendship life.
Meaning if they get to know better they may learn to like. Now I am not saying take them on every date, but just the oposite sorta! Take your boyfriend to SOME of your shopping trips or movie days with your friends! That way all is happy!
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