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My boyfriend and I wanna move in with our friend Bob. Only problem is, bob has four dogs. This makes things complicated for moving because not a lot of places will accept that many dogs.

Also, we don't really wanna live with that many dogs. They're not the most potty trained and even if they were, someone would still have to clean up after them, and our friend bob is disabled so he'd probably ask one of us to do it, which we don't wanna do/don't think we should have too. Also obviously, 4 dougs=a lot of noise.

he's VERY attached to his dogs and doesn't wanna get rid of any of them. We don't want to give ultimatums but we feel like something needs to be said/done. We just don't know how to approach the problem without tons of drama or something worse.

Any advice on how to deal with this would be much appreciated...thanks! :)

To most (good) dog owners, the dog is a member of the family. I mean this quite literally.

That being said, I fully agree that it is not your responsibility to take care of them, any more than it would be your responsibility to take care of someone's child.

What you need to do is to talk about this with Bob well before you jump into anything. Lay your cards on the table so that he knows that, for the most part at least, he has to figure out a solution for his dogs. I don't think there is anything else you can do, but I do think drama can be avoided if you approach this openly and with understanding for his relationship with the dogs. Emotions usually flare up when non-dog owners approach the matter without understanding this bond and treating the dog as though it was unimportant (or even worse, as though it was a "thing").

Try also to think in terms of possible solutions. E.g. Could some of the dogs stay with another family member that they are comfortable with? Could someone else be brought in to take some of the workload (e.g. walking them or what not)? If you are moving into a house, is there some way to set something up so the dogs have access to the garden? Could you perhaps make some areas (i.e. your areas) off limits to the dogs?

Hopefully more options might present themselves when you consider your specific situation.

Good luck.

How t0 stop a woman from lesbian

You mean how to stop a woman from being a lesbian?

There is absolutely no way to do that. Homosexuality is not a choice, it is something you are or you are not. Think about it this way, is there anything anyone could do to make you stop being straight? I would wager you answered no. Same goes for the woman in your question.

So I have posted on here so many questions about my so called "best friend" of 6 years. Well I haven't hung out with her since last week. And I really am getting tired of her. For those of you who i don't know, it's because she's rude, puts me down a lot, and tries to control everything I say and do. And when I try to stand up for myself she gets mad. And honestly I am sick of it, so I've decided to just stop talking to her, because anytime I try to tell her she does something that hurts me she doesn't seem to care, and gets defensive, and try to blame it on me, which is really immature. She'll always blow my phone with calls/text. And she still does, now that I am ignoring her. She'll keep texting me saying things like i miss you which i know isn't true because she only misses being able to control me. And today she texted me and was like I don't understand why you're ignoring me. I didn't say anything because like I said before she gets defensive, and never takes for responsibility for what she does. And whenever we get into a fight she'll act nice for a little while and then go back to her old ways. She has no respect for me and just shows up at my door whenever she comes home on the weekends without calling, even though I have to do homework. I let her in just to be nice. But my parents get mad at me because I get distracted. And i try telling her that I need to do my homework, and can't focus, but of course miss selfish says oh well i also have homework, we can just do it later. She doesn't seem to care much about school. My parents think she's soo great, other than the fact that she comes over uninvited, but they always defend her and tell me oh she's your only friend which is true. I guess that's why I still hung out with her even though she's a bitch. Well anyways I am getting annoyed with her constantly calling/texting me every few days. I can't block her number (well i could but it costs money and my mom pays the phone bill) And knowing her she'll come to my house if she decides to come home today and bug me, and start asking me why I've been ignoring her, and want to hangout. What should I do? Please help!!

In cases like this I would always go for the full-on confrontational approach. In the end, it is the only way to get your message across without any ambiguity.

So, when she asks you why you are ignoring her, pull her aside and explain it. Do it calmly and rationally, and under no circumstances get agitated or lose your temper - even if she does. Be polite but firm in your position.

Also, don't let her pull you into an argument; let her know this is you providing information not inviting a debate. Every time she gets defensive, just tell her she is entitled to disagree but this is how you see things and there is nothing she can say to change your mind. If she persists tell her that she is the one who asked why you are ignoring her, and now you are providing the answer. If she doesn't want to hear it, she can go away.

The bottom line should be that you have no interest in pursuing a friendship from now on - not that you want to be on bad terms or that you are scolding her. Simply put, you are done. Then ask her to please stop calling and texting you.

Make sure you are well organised mentally and that you have all your facts and examples ready. Prepare by writing them down if you have to (not to read out to her, but just so your thoughts and reasons will be readily available and well organised). It may sound a bit nuts, but what works for me is to actually role play the situation in my mind many times before I engage. If you know her well, you can probably predict most of her reactions.

Anyway, I think this is the way to go. In general, the confrontational approach tends to be far better in the long run because it sends a clear and honest message, and neither side is confused about what is going on. This applies to almost any situation in life not just this.

Good luck.

what is a boner

An erection...

What do guys your age do for fun when they hang out together? (that doesn't involve alcohol)

Well, I am perhaps not the most typical guy, since my friends and I have not really "grown up" much in this respect - thankfully :) Not certain what other guys do since you tend to surround yourself with people with similar interests, but I can tell you what we spend our free time on. Not sure this all qualifies as just "hanging out" but here goes:

- Playing soccer (or other sports). Or watching if there is an important game
- Poker: this is probably the one that has the highest inclusion rate i.e. that almost everyone likes to do
- Roleplaying: you know, D&D and that kind of stuff
- Video games
- Watching movies
- Cooking: of all masculine things :D

Plus when weather permits (which over here is basically June-August):
- Spearfishing/snorkelling
- Fishing
- Camping

Apart from this I have my weight lifting buddies, but thats more of a chore than hanging out.

Well, thats about that.

Hey,
I am in school and I am having trouble's with my friends. I don't know if they're trully my BEST friends or just friends or not even friends. ( I will give some examples)
1 - One friend tell's me when I am doing somethin wrong and she counts all of my mistakes)
2- My other friend says were besties but never hangs with me at school..
Those were some examples.
Please HELP!

This depends on your criteria for friendship. How do you classify a friend? How is that different from an acquaintance or a best friend?

For me, the most important issues are loyalty and dependability. The rest come second, though I will grant you that if someone is really annoying (for example), then it can make friendship very hard.

Now, your definitions might be different, but I would ask questions like:

Whose there when you need help?
Who backs you up even when they have something to lose? Maybe a lot to lose?
Basically, who is willing to pay a price (of a greater or lesser degree) in order to help you out?

For me, anyone else can never be more than an acquaintance - because that is how I define friendship.

The rest I would handle by either accepting it or talking to them and slowly redefining the relationship. Things do change this way... sometimes very very slowly, but believe me they can change.

I have a friend I have known for about 28 years and we had all sorts of trouble. When we were kids he was "in charge" being 2 years older, but when we hit our late teens things got very difficult. But, we both considered each to be "real" friends so we worked it out... with a ton of fights over a period of maybe 6 or 7 years... but we did it and he is one of my closest friends today (and we dont fight at all any more).

Ok, I rambled a bit. What I am saying is that although its hard, it is often possible to change things (if you are patient), providing you think that its worth it. Determining that is based on what you value in a friend.

im 17 f my friend is 15f and he acts like he owns me i was only friends to be nice cause everyone makes fun of him but he always cusses meoout if i dont wanna hang ooutof my ffriends or guuy s over i dont no what to do im sick of how he trys to run my life!

I'm sorry if this is a silly question, but why can't you just tell him to hit the road?

Or alternatively tell him to stop acting like this (and explain calmly what it is you don't like) or else you will cut ties with him.

I don't think this situation is more complicated than that. He sounds selfish and immature, and there isn't all the much more you can do.

Good luck.

I'm a 14-year-old girl. As I was leaving school the other day, I was walking with a casual male friend. As we were talking, he developed a
very large, very obvious erection. I was so embarrassed for him! I pretended not to notice, and didn't say anything, but he seemed
mortified, and left in a hurry. What should I have done?

You did the right thing. There really is nothing you could have said that would have made matters better.

Though I must admit that would have been perfect timing for a "is that a flashlight in your pocket..." type of comment :) Just kidding at his age it might just have scarred him for life.

No, you did well. When you see him again just act totally normally and it will pass.

my friend is the biggest liar ever!!!! she lies about really small stuff that is easy stuff to look over, to huge giant stuff that its shocking someone would even make up these stories. she makes up these huge stories. & she even just told one to me, and i'm her best friend. she told one girl in one of her classes her older brother was fixing her tv one day, and she doesn't have a brother or any brotherly figure. i keep having nightmares about this & i keep dreaming that she'll be really mad and won't talk to me. i don't really trust her with anything, and don't tell her any secrets anymore. i'm not good with talking about feelings and i don't like too. i don't know what to do. :(

When I was young I used to have a friend that was very similar. He would lie about everything under the sun. One of his classic things would be to top your story... if you had an unusual story, he would listen and then tell you a similar one that just happened to be more dramatic.

Check out this article, it is about compulsive liars and it seems to describe your friend (and mine) quite well...

http://www.ehow.com/how_2086429_spot-compulsive-liar.html?ref=fuel&utm_source=yahoo&utm_medium=ssp&utm_campaign=yssp_art

Personally I do not believe that a person is much of a friend if you cannot trust them. Lying in general is pretty lousy, but lying to a friend is simply unacceptable (in my opinion).

I have been reading up a bit on compulsive lying on the net. The problem is that it is very, very hard to get a liar to admit he/ she has a problem. The general gist of what I read was that in most cases the best you can do is walk away.

Well, if I were you, I would make one effort to let her know that you wonâ��t accept it. It's just that, even as I type this, I am 95% sure it will have no long term effect. But, itâ��s worth a shot maybe. If not, then it might be time to abandon the friendship.

I am part of a group of people who read our local newspaper online and comment on the news of the day in the public forums provided. It's great fun and offers an excellent place to interact with others.

Some of us have become close, exchanging e-mails and chat messages. One of the women has suggested we all get together at a local watering hole and meet each other, and the gang has agreed.

I would love to join in, but the problem is that the persona I built online is that of a hunky, handsome young man -- including a pilfered photo I posted as "me" on my profile. Needless to say, he is NOT me. I am a 54-year-old, chubby, graying man who wears glasses.

I would love to meet these people, but I'm embarrassed about the lies I have told them. Some of the women have flirted with me, thinking I am this sexy guy. How can I fix this so we can all be friends? I am afraid they'll be angry at my ruse.

First off, I am not too sure who it is I am talking to right now. Your profile age says 17 and your previous questions set your age at anything from 13 to quite old. Very peculiar don't you think?

Anyway, assuming for a second that I actually am talking to a 54 year old, there is no easy way around your problem. You outright lied to these people, so it is going to be hard to gain their trust- particularly since you seem to confirm the old belief that you cant trust anyone online.

The only thing you can do, in my opinion, is to talk to these people first. Just come out asap and admit what you did. Explain that you regret it, that it was only done in good fun etc, and that you enjoyed talking to them. What happens next is really up to them.

Alin 34/m

My friend (used to be best friend) that i've known since 6th grade, (in 11th now) just picked up smoking weed and thinks shes the coolest person in the world, but really she has no idea what shes doing.

and shes doing some pretty stupid crap. like driving while high, doing donuts and getting flat tires-- going to class high, growing it, and trying to get her friends who are starting to really dislike her into it. not to mention she doesnt know what kind shes smoking. what if its laced with iono salvia?

Shes hurting herself and her family and her friends. She got kicked out of the band program (which was her favorite but now weed is) and shes just going downhill. i wouldnt get so worried if it was someone who could control it, or do it socially once in a while- not smoking up every day by yourself like she does now.

I've been thinking about anonymously reporting her to the police. something needs to happen to let her know shes doing something thats just plain stupid- and dangerous, mentally and physically.normally i would never rat anyone out for this kind of stuff, but shes my friend and i worry about her.

should i report her to the police or not?

Well I agree that this girl is definately on the wrong track. I am not sure if the police is the right choice though. If I were in your shoes I would sooner let her parents know, then they can make the decision of what is the best next step.

Okay, first. I am 17/f. Last October my best friend,lets call her Katie, stated dating this boy, lets call him Mike. Mike is the biggest jerk in the history of the world and he completely hates me for no reason at all. Since she fell head over heels for him we stopped hanging out and talking since then pretty much, not including the fights every once in awhile. Okay well, so. Supposedly they’re completely in love, although he calls her a slut, treats her horribly, and breaks up with her every other week. Last weekend she found out he is moving this weekend halfway across the country. Messed up, right? So, I really want to talk to her and make sure she is okay because supposedly she hasn’t eaten in days and is like totally depressed. I still love her and im really worried about her but she really hurt me when she started ditching me for mike. I want to forgive her and all and help her through this but at the same time I want her to apologize before I forgive her. I am afraid she wont apologize for awhile and when she does it will be too late for me to help her. I don’t know what to do.

You know, I dont know if I will come across as a jerk here, but I certainly would not call her. First let me just say that I totally empathise with your situation. I have no doubt she feels terrible.

Normally I try to give advice that encourages people to help each other. The reason why I am doing the exact opposite here is twofold:
- She seemed not to empathise with you when she ditched you for her new guy.
- The message you are sending her is quite clear. You are telling her you will run back to her every time she needs you. Next time she likes a guy that hates you, where do you think her loyalty is going to be knowing how you will come running back?

Sometimes one has to feel the consequences of ones actions. Friends dont ditch friends, I dont care what the reason is. A friend that has acted this way needs to do more than just apologise in my opinion. They need to regain all the lost trust.

I know how hard it is when one misses a friend. I have had to cut a lot of ties with very close friends in my life. Now, I am not saying your relationship cant be repaired, but I would urge you to take the long term approach to this. Think about the future and dont just run back because you miss her. At least that's my opinion, and admittedly I do place very high standards on my friends.

Good luck.

So I'm in my first year of college. I've met lots of new people. The only friends I've made consist of my roommate and suite mates. I have met plenty of acquaintances around campus that I chat with occasionally, but that's it. My question is, how can I find people to actually hang out with instead of just people to talk to? How do you know when it's okay to ask someone if they want to get together and hang out for the first time?

I have no problem talking to new people, I just have issues finding people I can actually hang out with (i.e. go to the movies, go out to dinner, go bowling, etc.).

My main problem is that I don't drink. It seems like all the people at my college like to do is drink drink drink. And I'm not like that. Sure, I've been to a couple parties, but all I do is stand in the corner while everyone gets wasted and plays beer pong.

I went and got an office job on campus in hopes that I would get to know a few of my co-workers as friends, but since my job involves being on the phone all the time, I cannot get to know any of them as much as I would have hoped. I joined a couple academic clubs, but I can never attend the meetings because they conflict with my classes. I always go to the library or the campus cafe to do homework so I can be in public and maybe meet someone there, but it never happens.

I seriously don't know what to do anymore. I end up going home nearly every other weekend because I have NOTHING to do at school. How do I make some friends? I thought it would be easy, but I seriously can't. It's starting to make me depressed because I end up just sitting around in my room.

Well, first off let me tell you, I know what it is like. I have been in some rather similar situations, though mainly at a younger age than you are now.

First off, do you play any sports? The academic club idea is along the same line, but I find people tend to bond better in sports (and particularly team sports). If you do, see if you can join a team. Maybe its not just sports, perhaps its competition in general (I remember I made a few close friends on the chess team of all things), but its amazing how that can bring people together. It probably goes back to our caveman days :)

Now, in regards to when to ask someone to hang out. I agree with the columnist below, there is no set time. You just have to ask. Make sure that you guys have some common interest though. It makes asking a lot easier. "Want to meet up this weekend, get some pizza and...", or "Want to take a game of whatever on Saturday" sounds a lot better than "hey, lets hang out". Whether its movies or sports or games, common interests are often the start of friendships.

In light of the last advice, I would really try to find some clubs that you are interested in, and that you are also able to attend. Find something you really like though, nothing shines through more than genuine enthusiasm and passion.

Now, a note on drunk people and parties, something I can definately talk about from experience :) The thing they stay away most from is someone who is uptight. By no means am I saying you, or anyone should drink. However, if you do go, take on a loose carefree attitude. Join in the fun as much as possible, and leave as many of your not so important inhibitions at home. Make jokes, even if they are a bit daft. Parties are a time to say what the heck. Drunk guys dont mind socialising with sober guys if they feel you have energy and enthusiasm. Thats my opinion anyway.

Well, thats all I can think of. Hope this is of some use to you. Best of luck in finding some friends :)

how come when you finally get close to your friends they ended up leaving our in lives? because it happens to me all the time when i get attach to them they always have to move and stuff it makes me feel like i dont wanna get close to anyone what do you guys think? =/

Well this I can really relate to. During my childhood I moved around between three different countries. Also I went to international schools, so that meant everyone else moved around just as much. It was impossible not to lose your friends. Oh and thats in an age before messenger and email, so keeping touch was difficult to say the least.

Its really hard I know. However, hang in there, there are two bright spots. The first, and most obvious, is that eventually you will make friends with some people that wont have to leave. It will happen.

Second, keep in touch with the ones that have left. It might really surprise you how old friendships have a way of coming back to life. I recently got together with a guy who was my best friend when I lived in the US (thats back in 1990). Funny thing was that it was just like old times.

Of course it wont always be this way, but I have managed to keep some friendships from ages ago, despite the long distance. In a way its kind of nice to know I have friends scattered all over Europe and the US. Of course I would rather have them here, but at least its not all that bad.

One thing you might consider is widening your circle of friends just a bit. Theres nothing wrong with keeping a handful of good friends, and that way one can be there for each other when one leaves. There are enough good people out there to make it work :)

Good luck.

What do you do when your best friend is a lesbian?!?!?!?!

thanks in advance!

You dont do all that much. You continue to be her friend without concerning yourself too much with her sexuality.

The only time it should really be of any concern to you is if she begins to act inapropriately towards you. If she is a good friend, who knows you are straight, this should not happen (though if it does you need to make her understand what is and is not acceptable).

In the end it should be no different than being just friends with a guy. The real problem is getting accustomed to the change. It will take some getting used to, but you will probably come out ok.

okay so i am finally over this guy that i have liked/loved for almost two years. Now there is this other guy that i am getting close to and we might be going out. But for some reason none of my friends are supporting me... and the reason they arent supporting me is because they want me to go out with my bff who is a girl!!! I have no clue what to do and i really need your guys help. I REALLY lie this new guy and all my friends to is talk shit about him to me. And right now my "BFF" tells me that she thinks this guy is using me because hes depperate. I dnt want to believe what she is teling me but idk. Should i ask the guy or just forge5t aboutit.....

Ok this is way too much "he said that she said that I thought that they said" sort of stuff:). Your friends have to support you on this, or in the very least they have to keep quiet. You are perfectly in your right to ask them to back off. Even if this guy is bad news (which I am not saying he is), your friend's role is to support and guide you, no more. The final descision is up to you.

So, yes, you should ask the guy. I have no idea if he is desperate or whatever, but I do know that you should beware the rumours you hear down the grapevine. Stay sharp, keep in mind what your friends said, but ask the guy out and judge the situation for yourself.

Good luck.

Me and my friends used to hang out all the time. Every weekend we would do stuff.In the beggining of the school year everything was fine. Now its April and the last time i hung out with some were on new years eve. I hung out with another friend at the movies for like 10 min about a month ago. and thats it. Lately theyve been hanging out with other people and havent been asking me to hang out. I ask them to hang out but now theyre always hanging out with other people or they cant. Now they hardley talk to me in school. Every weekend im at home doing nothing. Sometimes it seems that they think theyre too good for me. but we allused to do so much together. now that summers coming soon i dont wanna be sitting at home watching tv.

what should i do?

are these people really my friends ?

any advice at all?

thanks

No these people are not really your friends in my opinion. Friends need to find time for one another. They also need to consider the needs of the people they are friends with. A real friend would feel bad that you are sitting at home in the weekend all by yourself. A real friend would also want to hang with you.

What you need to do is to go out and find new friends. This can be very hard, I know, but its crucial that you try. You cannot be dependant upon people who clearly dont seem to care about you as much as you care about them.

So, go out there and meet new people. Start with your interests (then you know you have something in common). Figure out what you like to do and join a club or a team. If nothing else, that will give you something to do in the weekend, but I reckon you will have new friends before you know it.

Good luck.

Edit: I may have come across a bit harsh there. It is also possible that your friends may eventually realise they miss you as a friend. It could be a phase of some sort they are going through. However, you will be in a much better position if you make new friends. It may even make them realise that they shouldnt take you for granted.

My best friend ever is anorexic.. shes 5'3 and has to weigh like 105 noww, she didnt eat for like 3 dayss.. she has absolutely no ass now, and she's had this problem when she was 12, now she is almost 15... I feel as if i tell her parents, she'll get depressed. me and her are going on a cruise for spring break in 25 dayss..i dont want her to get sick, depressed. she is soo skinny. shes always complaining how cold she is, she cant sleep... shes always light headed. my mom knows she iss, butrecently shes been claiming to be eatingg.. but ive been with her and shes been lying to her mom about like eating in school. ive tried talkin to her, and i think that gettin her real help will make things worse. but idk.. she may be depressedd

any advicee? thankss

Normally I dont answer a question that already has so many responses. However, in this case, I think it merrits to add my voice to the choir so to speak.

Tell this girls parents asap. You are NOT betraying her friendship, even if she might think that you are. This person is ill, she cannot be treated as a regular healthy human being. This is clearly something that you cannot help her with. What she needs is professional help (they have medicine for depression amongst other things).

Just remember, she is very seriously endangering her life and her future health. As a friend I think it is your duty to do something, and you should probably act fast too.

Good luck.

should you always stick up for a friend even when you know they're wrong?

I tend to agree with the people that wrote "no", or "not always". I just wanted to add one thing. The most important thing here, the thing that differentiates you as a friend from a random person, is how you handle it. Dont go against your friend in public, dont put him/her in a difficult situation, etc. Instead, pull them aside and explain why you are unable to support them in this matter.

But certainly I dont think friendship implies that you are obliged to stick up for someone when they are wrong. In most cases I think the best thing is just to stay out of it.

What does exactly good listener means? example please? and how do you know if you're friend is a good listener? thank you =]

A good listener is essentially someone who pays attention to what you are saying. Basically someone who is a good listener should have the following qualities:
- They should not think about other things while you are talking
- They should not consider how to respond to what you are saying before you are done saying it
- They should have some level of genuine interest/ concern in regards to what you are telling the person
- When you are done speaking, they should respond to the best of their ability

Most people are pretty bad listeners actually. With some its really easy to spot. A few typical mistakes that give them away include:
- Starting to speak when you make a lengthier pause (even though you werent done)
- Changing the subject all of a sudden
- Interupting you (only exception here is if they interupted you to get something you said clarified)
- When you are done they respond poorely. e.g. only to part of what you said, or turning the subject to themselves in some way, etc.

Amongst my friends I have learned which ones can listen well and which cant. Usually the ones that cant begin thinking about something else while you are speaking. Without exception their facial expression changes, as does the way they are responding (with more monotonous "yes...yes...aha"). Be mindful of these things and you will soon be able to discern when someone is really paying attention.

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