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moving in with friend = possible problem
My boyfriend and I wanna move in with our friend Bob. Only problem is, bob has four dogs. This makes things complicated for moving because not a lot of places will accept that many dogs.
Also, we don't really wanna live with that many dogs. They're not the most potty trained and even if they were, someone would still have to clean up after them, and our friend bob is disabled so he'd probably ask one of us to do it, which we don't wanna do/don't think we should have too. Also obviously, 4 dougs=a lot of noise.
he's VERY attached to his dogs and doesn't wanna get rid of any of them. We don't want to give ultimatums but we feel like something needs to be said/done. We just don't know how to approach the problem without tons of drama or something worse.
Any advice on how to deal with this would be much appreciated...thanks! :)
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I have four dogs, as it happens. If someone tried to get me to get rid of any of them, I would no longer speak to that person.
I tell you this, because you need to realize you can't do that to Bob. His dogs are his family and he will choose them over you any day of the week.
Just don't move in with him, if you have so many qualms about it. Three people living together is kind of hard, anyway... You'd be better off with you and your boyfriend living together in an apartment somewhere. You get privacy, only the pets you want, and there's no roomie to wake up with loud sex... or to bring home irritating girls... or eat all your food... etc.
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Don't move in with him.
You need to face the bare facts: You can't live with someone whose needs and desires are drastically different than yours. You can't live with someone whose needs (ie, a place that will allow for four dogs) prevent you from finding a place to live.
And as much as he may love his dogs, and consider them part of his family, they are not part of YOUR family, and if you don't want to take on the care of these dogs, then you can't live with him. If you move in with him, this problem will get worse, not better, and you end up feeling responsible (perhaps even being finically responsible) for damage the dogs to do the rental.
I have had roommates with dogs - very well behaved, probably trained dogs - and I've enjoyed it, but honestly I still end up doing a bit of dogs care and responsibility for them, just by virtue of living in the same place. It would have been unbearable if those roommate hadn't cared for their dog probably.
There is no ultimatum to offer. The situation he desires is not a good one for you and your boyfriend. You need to tell him that as much as you might enjoy living with him, you just don't want the same thing out of your living situation. Break out on your own.
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To most (good) dog owners, the dog is a member of the family. I mean this quite literally.
That being said, I fully agree that it is not your responsibility to take care of them, any more than it would be your responsibility to take care of someone's child.
What you need to do is to talk about this with Bob well before you jump into anything. Lay your cards on the table so that he knows that, for the most part at least, he has to figure out a solution for his dogs. I don't think there is anything else you can do, but I do think drama can be avoided if you approach this openly and with understanding for his relationship with the dogs. Emotions usually flare up when non-dog owners approach the matter without understanding this bond and treating the dog as though it was unimportant (or even worse, as though it was a "thing").
Try also to think in terms of possible solutions. E.g. Could some of the dogs stay with another family member that they are comfortable with? Could someone else be brought in to take some of the workload (e.g. walking them or what not)? If you are moving into a house, is there some way to set something up so the dogs have access to the garden? Could you perhaps make some areas (i.e. your areas) off limits to the dogs?
Hopefully more options might present themselves when you consider your specific situation.
Good luck.
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