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She really hurt me but now she is hurt
Okay, first. I am 17/f. Last October my best friend,lets call her Katie, stated dating this boy, lets call him Mike. Mike is the biggest jerk in the history of the world and he completely hates me for no reason at all. Since she fell head over heels for him we stopped hanging out and talking since then pretty much, not including the fights every once in awhile. Okay well, so. Supposedly they’re completely in love, although he calls her a slut, treats her horribly, and breaks up with her every other week. Last weekend she found out he is moving this weekend halfway across the country. Messed up, right? So, I really want to talk to her and make sure she is okay because supposedly she hasn’t eaten in days and is like totally depressed. I still love her and im really worried about her but she really hurt me when she started ditching me for mike. I want to forgive her and all and help her through this but at the same time I want her to apologize before I forgive her. I am afraid she wont apologize for awhile and when she does it will be too late for me to help her. I don’t know what to do.
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Ok what they're telling you is not wrong but I want to add something to it. She probably thought she needed his love to complete herself and yes, he is a bitch for treating her that way, but you shouldn't wait for her to say she's sorry. The reason is what if she thinks that you're through with her and decides that she doesn't have any purpose on this earth. If she takes it to far you will NEVER get a chance to tell her how you felt about it. So I wish you the best of luck hun and just try to make ya'lls friendship work. :)
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tell her that if she helps you then you will help her. wow she is .. well im trying not to be rude but thats like staying in an abusive relationship. when you talk to her say if i forgive you will you say im sorry. then tell her that you stil love her and 'mike' was full or it! tell her that hes just a bitch who doesnt matter especailly after treating her so low. make sure that she KNOWs that she deserves better. if that doesnt work give it 2 more tries at the most. and maybe get friends together to help. make her feel welcomed again. theres not much else. except to talk to her parents. then maybe they can get proffesional help [hopefully she wnt go that far]
but on the bright side be thankful that 'mike' is gone for her sake and yours
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When people fall in love, they are very oblivious to what is going on outside of their relationship. Love is a very powerful thing, and I don't know if Katie stayed in this abusive relationship for love, or because Mike forced her. Your friend is subconsciously crying out for help, and she really needs you there. I just want you to realize that she might not apologize at first, it will definitely take her awhile because she's been through a lot. Imagine yourself in her place. Normally, if a person was having trouble, they'd go to their friends for advice. People have many different ways of dealing with heartbreak.
Call her up, and ask her if she wants to hang out. If she rejects, don't keep nagging and pushing her. You might push her over the edge.
Give it time.
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You know, I dont know if I will come across as a jerk here, but I certainly would not call her. First let me just say that I totally empathise with your situation. I have no doubt she feels terrible.
Normally I try to give advice that encourages people to help each other. The reason why I am doing the exact opposite here is twofold:
- She seemed not to empathise with you when she ditched you for her new guy.
- The message you are sending her is quite clear. You are telling her you will run back to her every time she needs you. Next time she likes a guy that hates you, where do you think her loyalty is going to be knowing how you will come running back?
Sometimes one has to feel the consequences of ones actions. Friends dont ditch friends, I dont care what the reason is. A friend that has acted this way needs to do more than just apologise in my opinion. They need to regain all the lost trust.
I know how hard it is when one misses a friend. I have had to cut a lot of ties with very close friends in my life. Now, I am not saying your relationship cant be repaired, but I would urge you to take the long term approach to this. Think about the future and dont just run back because you miss her. At least that's my opinion, and admittedly I do place very high standards on my friends.
Good luck.
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I think that, for the sake of being a better person, you should reach out and help her in her time of need. Even if she doesn't apologize, I'm sure that deep down she loves you just the same and is sorry she hurt you. Go and help her feel better. Hopefully, she'll realize what a great friend you've been all along and will appreciate you much more in the future.
You don't necessarily have to forgive her for the things she's done, but you can still be there for her and remind her why you are there for her more than this Mike character.
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