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How do I make friends I can actually hang out with?
So I'm in my first year of college. I've met lots of new people. The only friends I've made consist of my roommate and suite mates. I have met plenty of acquaintances around campus that I chat with occasionally, but that's it. My question is, how can I find people to actually hang out with instead of just people to talk to? How do you know when it's okay to ask someone if they want to get together and hang out for the first time?
I have no problem talking to new people, I just have issues finding people I can actually hang out with (i.e. go to the movies, go out to dinner, go bowling, etc.).
My main problem is that I don't drink. It seems like all the people at my college like to do is drink drink drink. And I'm not like that. Sure, I've been to a couple parties, but all I do is stand in the corner while everyone gets wasted and plays beer pong.
I went and got an office job on campus in hopes that I would get to know a few of my co-workers as friends, but since my job involves being on the phone all the time, I cannot get to know any of them as much as I would have hoped. I joined a couple academic clubs, but I can never attend the meetings because they conflict with my classes. I always go to the library or the campus cafe to do homework so I can be in public and maybe meet someone there, but it never happens.
I seriously don't know what to do anymore. I end up going home nearly every other weekend because I have NOTHING to do at school. How do I make some friends? I thought it would be easy, but I seriously can't. It's starting to make me depressed because I end up just sitting around in my room.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Well, first off let me tell you, I know what it is like. I have been in some rather similar situations, though mainly at a younger age than you are now.
First off, do you play any sports? The academic club idea is along the same line, but I find people tend to bond better in sports (and particularly team sports). If you do, see if you can join a team. Maybe its not just sports, perhaps its competition in general (I remember I made a few close friends on the chess team of all things), but its amazing how that can bring people together. It probably goes back to our caveman days :)
Now, in regards to when to ask someone to hang out. I agree with the columnist below, there is no set time. You just have to ask. Make sure that you guys have some common interest though. It makes asking a lot easier. "Want to meet up this weekend, get some pizza and...", or "Want to take a game of whatever on Saturday" sounds a lot better than "hey, lets hang out". Whether its movies or sports or games, common interests are often the start of friendships.
In light of the last advice, I would really try to find some clubs that you are interested in, and that you are also able to attend. Find something you really like though, nothing shines through more than genuine enthusiasm and passion.
Now, a note on drunk people and parties, something I can definately talk about from experience :) The thing they stay away most from is someone who is uptight. By no means am I saying you, or anyone should drink. However, if you do go, take on a loose carefree attitude. Join in the fun as much as possible, and leave as many of your not so important inhibitions at home. Make jokes, even if they are a bit daft. Parties are a time to say what the heck. Drunk guys dont mind socialising with sober guys if they feel you have energy and enthusiasm. Thats my opinion anyway.
Well, thats all I can think of. Hope this is of some use to you. Best of luck in finding some friends :)
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There's never really signs like "Okay, now it's an appropriate time to ask someone to hangout" just go with your gut instinct. I would make acquaintances with some people in one of your classes. Then I would ask like "Hey want to do the homework together at the library tonight" or something. Also, I'm not sure you would make friends at the library most people are there to do work, not make friends. Try going to some parties, and talk to someone. Don't stand there, it's a two way street. You're going to have to approach someone and I'm sure their not going to be like "YOU DON'T DRINK?! BYE!" Just be yourself. Talk to people. Its difficult, no one said it would be easy, and if they did they said it to make you feel better. As for your current acquaintances ask them if they want to go out for pizza, or something. Also, go to your colleges football games, basketball, hockey, all that.
Just remember to be yourself, and don't act like your still in High School, your in college I'm not saying you do, just a reminder.
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