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How do I know or find my true friends?
Hey,
I am in school and I am having trouble's with my friends. I don't know if they're trully my BEST friends or just friends or not even friends. ( I will give some examples)
1 - One friend tell's me when I am doing somethin wrong and she counts all of my mistakes)
2- My other friend says were besties but never hangs with me at school..
Those were some examples.
Please HELP!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
There is no real true definition of friendship, it varies and changes based on the type of person you are and what you want. If a friend is counting your mistakes, point it out to her you don't appreciate it. She shouldn't be pointing out your mistakes while she is not perfect either. It goes by the saying "Before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean." Which means no one is perfect and should not be pointing out others imperfections. And for the second friend, how about you really try to make a big effort and call he up and plan something on the weekend. Take the intiative and if she fails to meet you and keeps holding off, then start to evaluate your friendship. I hope this helped, and I'm always here if you need any more advice! (:
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This depends on your criteria for friendship. How do you classify a friend? How is that different from an acquaintance or a best friend?
For me, the most important issues are loyalty and dependability. The rest come second, though I will grant you that if someone is really annoying (for example), then it can make friendship very hard.
Now, your definitions might be different, but I would ask questions like:
Whose there when you need help?
Who backs you up even when they have something to lose? Maybe a lot to lose?
Basically, who is willing to pay a price (of a greater or lesser degree) in order to help you out?
For me, anyone else can never be more than an acquaintance - because that is how I define friendship.
The rest I would handle by either accepting it or talking to them and slowly redefining the relationship. Things do change this way... sometimes very very slowly, but believe me they can change.
I have a friend I have known for about 28 years and we had all sorts of trouble. When we were kids he was "in charge" being 2 years older, but when we hit our late teens things got very difficult. But, we both considered each to be "real" friends so we worked it out... with a ton of fights over a period of maybe 6 or 7 years... but we did it and he is one of my closest friends today (and we dont fight at all any more).
Ok, I rambled a bit. What I am saying is that although its hard, it is often possible to change things (if you are patient), providing you think that its worth it. Determining that is based on what you value in a friend.
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Even best friends, are still just flawed, screwed up people.
It's not quite fair to say "Because you aren't perfect, you must not TRULY be my friend!" You probably aren't 100% perfect either, but that doesn't make you NOT a friend.
If you aren't happy, speak up or spend time with others, but let this 'best friend' myth go. I have a best friend, she forgets to pay me back and dates really stupid guys. She would say that I forget to call her back and make fun of her boyfriends! Neither of us is perfect, but we are still best friends, because we choose to be best friends.
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