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My advice motto is LISTEN-CARE-RESPOND! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF - we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for!
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I don't know where else to go to ask. I'm going to warn you now that this is probably going to be very long, but I would really and truly appreciate any advice, even if it's not what you think I want to hear.
First of all, I have a weird relationship/set-up with my dad. I'm going to try to simplify it as much as I possibly can.. My mom left when I was a baby and I have lived with my grandmother ever since. My dad has almost always been a part of my life. He's a great guy, he's my best friend, he makes me laugh more than anyone I know, he does things that a dad is supposed to do. The thing is, his presence is my life is very coming and going. Once, I didn't hear from him for a year.
He reappeared when I was fourteen. I just turned eighteen and he has been around for about four years. He's still married to the same woman he was when he left. I love her very much. She's generous and sweet, but sometimes I feel like she is forcing herself to like me. We go places together (without my dad) like the movies, the hair salon, etc. She takes me to work with her. Everything like that.
I see both of them every day. They're probably both my closest friends, and not by default. I love seeing them. I want to stress how close of a relationship I have with them.
The thing is, I'm not really open with anybody about my feelings. I usually bottle them up and then cry about them later, and then I get over it. So I have a hard time telling my stepmom when I feel like she doesn't really love me, and an even harder time telling my dad that I worry he's going to leave me again.
Next month, they're going to London without me. It's not an intimate trip, believe me. My stepmom is going for her job and she wants my dad to go with her. My dad and I share of a love of anything British. The three of us do things together all the time. I don't understand why I wasn't invited. It's not a money issue, either.
I don't want to sound bratty or selfish, so I really hope that I don't. I can't help it that my feelings are hurt. Not only am I being excluded from something that I really, really, REALLY want to do, I'm also going to miss them if they leave me behind for a week. But I'm afraid to talk with them about it.
Please give me any advice, any at all. Thank you so much if you actually took the time to read this, I know it was probably really boring.
Please know that I'm not doubting or questioning your love for your Father/Step-Mother or their love for you, however, in the situation you described, there is no doubt that you have some underlying abandonment fears that run very deep. Your response to the England trip may seem like an overreaction to you, but to me it highlights this deeper issue.
Your inability to easily share your feelings with others, to me, is also an indicator of a protection you have in place and a fear of driving people away. I bring all of this up, because I think it's important that you realize there are two separate issues here. One, is the trip to England and your feelings about wanting to go. The second is all of the underlying "baggage" you are carrying due to your past.
I think sharing with both your Dad and your Step-Mom your feelings of disappointment over not going with them is a great place to start, realizing, however that this might not change the fact that you're not going on the trip. It will, however, be a terrific first step in being honest about your true feelings with the people you love and proving to your inner self that doing so, will not drive them away.
You don't have to be perfect. You are aloud to have your own feelings even if they aren't always pretty. You are aloud to feel fear, just don't let it rule you or your relationships.
Perhaps, once they have returned from the trip (with or without you) you can start to open up to them a little about your fears. You can find ways to make them understand without placing blame or making them feel guilty. You might even want to find a counselor to talk with who can help you find ways to replace your fear based patterns with healthy strategies for ongoing positive relationships with your Dad and your Step-Mom. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Hello, I am dealing with a woman who is crazy!! She is my Kid's stepmom. The kids are 2 girls 9 and 11 and one boy age 8.
Problem is she is way overly sexual toward my kids verbally. And now sexually. I found out from my daughter today that the stepmom and her father went on a camping trip with their combined 7 kids all in one tent. They had loud motion filled sex in front of the kids while they were supposed to be sleeping!!! My two daughters described it all to my horror. Is this illegal? They have sex with their bedroom door open. Her rules are always open doors, because bad things happen when doors are closed. She told my daughter all animals go to hell when they die.She told them a man may rape you and rape is when they have sex with you , and are sick of raping you and kill you when they are done with you. She talks about their sex life while driving in the car. Her oldest daughter talks openly about blow jobs and oral sex on women and she is 12. They go down the road having open sex talks!!! What happened to singing or talking about the disney channel?The list goes on and on. The woman is a 2 time convicted felon for child endangering and robbery and a 3 time misdemeanor for shoplifting. Their father is now brainwashed by her and hasnt seen his kids in 2 months. I live in a nice home with a wonderful fiance and a perfect home life filled with love. I am afraid that a judge is going to make me send the kids to him eventually . I have custody, he has visitation. Any legal advice? Any pschological input on crazy?? Thanks!!
A woman with her criminal record and current behavior has no business being in any kind of parental role with your children. Your children are not old enough to understand how to differentiate between "crazy" and normal parenting styles. They are impressionable. They are sponges.
From what you've described, this doesn't seem to be a questionable situation - it sounds like an emergency situation. Seek legal counsel. Request an injunction of some sort. If the children have already been away from their Dad and Stepmom for two months, this might be the perfect time to seek an adjustment to his visitation rights based on the exposure of your children to inappropriate behavior and a potentially unsafe step-parent. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
I'm 18; my parents got divorced when I was 11, and I started having unsupervised visits to my dad's apartment when I was 13. I worry about my father - he takes his drugs and sees his psychologist and doctor, but the fact remains that he has bipolar disorder and very high blood pressure, and he refuses to try and help himself. He lives in a tiny, roach-infested apartment that smells horrendous, and he never cleans it. He eats red meat all the time, and never eats fresh vegetables. I've tried to talk to him about his diet and his living conditions many times, but he'll never listen, and if I ever try to help clean up the apartment he stops me, saying that there's no need for me to spend our limited time together doing chores. . . but our time together usually consists of watching TV, because he never goes anywhere. Do you have any idea how I can get through to him?
I know that it must be hard to see your father living the way he is, but the truth is that you can not be responsible for him. He is an adult and an adult with a major mental illness which makes the situation even more complex and even moreso, not your responsibility. You are not the parent.
If you are truly miserable with the environment and unhappy with the activities at your Dad's, you could tell him so and inform him that things need to change if you're going to continue to visit him regularly. Be specific and be strong. It sounds harsh, but your feelings and needs are important too. You can make it clear to him that you love him and care about him and explain that the situation simply isn't healthy for you. Keep in mind though, that ultimately, it is up to your Dad to take the steps to bettering his surroundings and his life. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
My sister has been acting really bad lately. She recently has moved in with my aunt and is going to a Private School very close to my own home. I am only 19 and my sister put this idea in her head that she can come stay with me. And I can drive her to school in the morning. This is not going to work out, I told her. She is 14 years old. My mom said it was ok and so my sister asked me. I do not like this at all. I can barely provide for myself let alone try to take care of her. Me and my Boyfriend live together and we are young so we definatly like our privacy. I can not believe my mother wold think that this would be acceptable. Now I am a nervous wreck. It makes me so mad they would try to put that much responsibility on me. I tolded them that. What do I do now?
Your family has certainly put you in a bad spot. The reality of the situation is that you are nineteen years old and barely an adult yourself. You should not be expected to be responsible for a teenager, let alone a teenager with discipline problems.
I'm sure that your sister is VERY excited about this idea as it would provide her with a very lenient living arrangement where there would be no true authority figure to control her actions. What fourteen year old wouldn't jump at that opportunity? Because she is so excited about moving in with you and your boyfriend, you might have some trouble convicning her that it's not the best environment for her and not really fair to you. I suggest that you talk to your mother and your aunt again, relay your concerns to them and ask that they be the ones to inform your sister that she cannot move in with you.
If the adults in your family are not willing to step up and do the right thing by you (and your sister for that matter) then you might be forced to stand up for yourself. As much as it might hurt your sister's feelings, you must set your boundaries and maintain control over your life. You can explain to her that the two of you are at different stages in your lives and that your apartment is not an environment suitable for a young high school girl. You can also point out that having her move in is not necessarily fair to your roommate/boyfriend either.
Certainly, there are times and situtations where circumstances would dictate a true need for you to take your sister in and care for her; however, this does not appear to be such a time. You've been put in a bad situation and unfortunately, fourteen year old girls generally don't understand anybody else's perspectives but their own, but remember that she won't be fourteen forever. She might initially feel betrayed by your unwillingness to allow her to move in, but in time she should come to understand your side of things. As a compromise, you could offer to allow her to spend time at your apartment on the weekends, or every other weekend. Then, you would be showing her that you do care about her happiness and want to help better her situation even if not in the way that she currently expects you to.
Regardless of how it is handled, don't feel bad about standing up for yourself in this situation as it seems that you are the only one looking out for you. Best of luck.
Kind wishes,
Didn't know how to E-mail you so This will work.
I worry about my problem only when something bad happens Because I can tell I search myself looking for pain or sadness but I come up empty I think maybe that this was the way I was built so I could be my familys "emotinal Rock"
again thank you for your advice and if you every need any feel free to ask me
Respectfully
Jimi. A.K.A Dimitris.
Hello Jimi, I am happy to have the chance to follow-up with you on this issue. Keep in mind, that you might have been "built this way" (as you put it) or you may have recognized a need in your family for an emotional rock and internally that is what you have become, a void you have filled, so to speak.
Being an emotional rock for you family is a huge undertaking. It's commendable and no doubt, has been appreciated by your loved ones, however, please be sure that you find outlets for yourself. Your stoicism has created a safe place for everyone else to release their grief, but you must take care of yourself as well.
Perhaps you would feel better about things if you focused on honoring your lost loved ones in your memory. I know this might sound crazy, but before you go to bed each night, you could have a conversation with your Dad and/or Brother about how things are going for you. Allow them to be there for you (in your mind) even if they can't be here for you in body. It's just a suggestion and if it seems to whacky to you then feel free to disregard it, but I feel strongly that you should find a private way to address these losses.
Being an emotional rock is a noble effort, but if it becomes a sacrifice for you and a detriment to your own emotional health then there is no shame in hanging up your superhero cape. Simply recognizing and being aware of this role you have taken on in your family is a good start in being able to watch out for indicators that it's gotten out of hand for you.
No matter what, your desire to understand yourself and your willingness to look inside are both great indicators of your emotional depth. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
:/ well..ive been going through a lot lately. Im still not exactly sure whay happened...but one day after school my mom told me that dad went to the hospitol cuz hes depressed.A day later he got transferred to this phychiatric hospitol. (nothing like the padded walls where ppl are extremely crazy) but its a place for ppl who are depressed and stay there and see phychiatrists and stuff. I viisited him once but i acted coldly towards him...things were awkward plus i was scared. What can i do to make him feel better? I dont want to slip into depression also...how long could he be there for? Also..my Math A regents is coming up in jan. and i seriously need help in that...its jus so much goin on right now..
First, please DO NOT waste any energy feeling guilty about your reaction while visiting your father in the psychiatric ward. These facilities are extremely intimidating and scary and dealing with a hospitalized parent is a lot for a young person to process and handle.
I do, however, think it might be helpful for you (and for your father) to send him cards or letters while he is hosptialized. Initially, you can let him know that you love him and want him to get well and simply be honest that you acted coldly when visiting because you were nervous and uncomfortable about being in that setting. After that, you can just keep him informed about how you and the rest of the family are doing and that you are thinking of him and wishing him well.
Our society, as a whole, generally holds a lot of misconceptions about mental health diseases and seeking help can be pretty scary for an individual facing a mental health crisis. So, letting your Dad know that you care and are happy that he is getting help, even if it does scare you a bit, should make getting through this tough experience a little easier for him.
Also, it is common for children of parents with major mental health problems to struggle with mild forms of depression themselves. But, I don't tell you this to scare you, just to inform you. Being aware that you need to watch for patterns of depression in yourself can give you the edge that you need to get out in front of any depression problems that might start to surface. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you start to feel like you need it. And if you do begin to have problems with depression, know that you are not alone and it does not make you deficient in any way.
Your family is dealing with a disease and my advice would be to educate yourself as much as possible. If you know your father's specific diagnosis, then you can start learning about it over the internet or from a library. If you are not sure of his diagnosis, you could ask your mother if your father would be okay with her sharing that information with you so that you can educate yourself in an attempt to be more understanding of what your father and your family is facing.
I wish that I could tell you how long your father will be hospitalized, but I couldn't possibly know for sure. It really depends on his treatment plan and his progress. Please don't panic though. You can be supportive of your father and still focus on yourself. I'm sure that your father would want you to do well with your upcoming Math event and getting help with that will give you something to focus on besides what's going on with your family.
I know from experience that it can seem extremely unfair to have to deal with these kinds of issues at a young age when all you should have to worry about is being a teenager, but I promise you can get through this. Ultimately, the entire experience is likely to give you strength and understanding that you can't possibly imagine at the moment.
Be a loving child to your parents, be the best student you can "realistically" be and most importantly, be good to yourself and stay aware of what you need to keep yourself physically and mentally healthy. Focus on these things and try not to be too overwhelmed. My thoughts are with you and I wish you the best of luck in this difficult time.
Kind wishes,
My husband and I are in our mid-40's with no children and have just completed building a second home (our dream home) on a lake near the mountains. It is a one bedroom house that took almost 4 years of our lives to build and every penny we could scrape together.
My husband has friends from out of the area that want to "freeload" on us...and he thinks it is great! The more the merrier and the bigger the party!
His friends are all married and all have many children. They want to come up in groups and stay with us. This past weekend several families camped at a campground a few miles away, but "stayed" at our place the entire weekend...the only thing they did at the campground was sleep (and thank goodness for that).
When they entere the house to use the bathroom, or whatever, they would go through drawers and look behind closet doors.
I do not want these people in our house, much less there when we are not there.
Please give me advise on how to get my husband to understand my position.
These folks are nice I suppose, but they all drink a lot (even in front of children) and influence my husband to do the same, to miss church and to ignore business calls when they are around. We are professionals, they all have 8 to 5 jobs with little to no responsibilities and not a lot of income.
My husband wants to give them a key and the code to the burgular alarm system.
We are headed straight for a divorce, I am afraid without help...and he refuses to see a counselor, although I did spend several months last year in counseling alone.
Thank you for any advise you can share with me.
First of all, in the "it always feels good to know that someone agrees with your point of view" department, let me say that I feel you are totally justified in your frustrations and disgust with this situation.
Clearly, you and your husband have different ideas of how your second home should be used - you wanting a quiet place to enjoy time with your mate and your husband wanting a party house that he can share with his friends. His willingness to offer up your home when you are not around seems to be either a reckless sense of generosity or a misguided attempt to gain the respect and admiration of his peers through an overt display of his assets.
However, since in a marriage there is always more than one point of view, I feel that your only productive course of action involves compromise. Perhaps you could agree to divide your total number of visits to the cabin into halves, with half of the visits spent sharing the space with family and friends and an equal number of visist spent alone, just the two of you together enjoying the solitude.
Additionally, for liability reasons alone, not to mention protection of a monetarily and sentimentally valuable investment property, you need to make your husband agree that an invitation for others to use your second home should only occur at times when you will be present to supervise. As far as how your invited guests act while in your home, the bottom line is - IT IS YOUR HOME. You should not be shy or feel guilty about verbalizing your disapproval of others' invasive and inappropriate actions.
I am sorry to hear that your husband has been unwilling, thus far, to participate in counselling, but I applaud your effort to seek assistance on your own. It seems that you have a lot of boundary issues to concentrate on in your marriage and, although I am advocating compromise, I urge you not to resolve this conflict by completely giving in to your husband's disregard for your concerns. Either way, it seems that you have a difficult road ahead of you and I wish you the best of luck in finding a solution that works for you and your marriage.
Kind wishes,
OK I'm a 15/f and I'm white.. and my boyfriend's black. It makes no diffrence to me .. I dont care at all but I think my dad does. Eventually he's going to meet my Dad and I'm so afraid of what my Dad's going to say. He doesn't know about my boyfriend yet. My dad's a little bit intimidating and I dont want him to scare my boyfriend or anything because I really like him a lot. I think we're going to last a long time, but I'm so scared of what my Dad's going to do or say. What should I do to make this easier ?
Dealing with racism is tough and it's even harder when it's coming from someone in your family whom you love and trust. It doesn't sound like you are completely sure what your Dad's thoughts are on the subject, but if you have any inkling that he might have a racist mentality, then I suggest you talk to him before he finds out or before he meets your boyfriend in person for the first time.
If your Dad does get upset and act irrationally about your interracial relationship, it's better not to put your boyfriend in his line of fire. It could be very unpleasant and hurtful for your boyfriend and it would be a negative experience that nobody should have to endure.
Perhaps you could start a conversation with your Dad where you tell him all of the great things about your boyfriend and how well he treats you (hopefully that's the truth) and then comment on how you think some people have a problem with your boyfriend simply because of the color of his skin and that you think it's just sad. No matter how your Dad feels about the situation, this would be a good jumping off point for further conversation. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
I'm 13. I have 5 pairs of shorts, 2 pairs of pants, 5 shirts and 2 sets of pJ's.
I keep asking and asking my mom to take me out shopping, but she always keeps saying no. I get in trouble at school a lot because my shorts are to short and my pants are too tight, but I can't help it if my mom never takes me shopping!
How do I get her to take me out shopping?
I don't know if your Mom not taking you shopping is related in any way to not having enough money, but if that is the case, here is one idea. You could do some research (ask around, look in the phone book, etc.) to see if there are any decent second-hand clothing stores in your area. Yes, some of them are full of crap, but there are a couple stores in my area that are pretty cool and I have found some great deals on good quality, popular label clothing.
Once you find a good store in your area, then you could bring it to the attention of your Mom. She might be willing to take you shopping more often (or at all) if it's not going to be super expensive for her. I hope this helps. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
my parents don't like my boyfriend..because i went out with him before and he treated me pretty bad..but i really think he has changed but i don't know if my parents think that or not! what can i do to make them gain trust back in him? because if they don't trust him that means i don't get to see him as often?
i rate super high!
Unfortunately, there is nothing that YOU can do for him to regain your parents' trust. Only your boyfriend can do that.
I don't know your parents, so I can't tell you specifically what it would take for them to cut him some slack, but if he treated you badly in the past then, as your parents, they are right to mistrust him a little and to be leary of your continued relationship.
However, that doesn't mean that he isn't a good guy, who made some bad judgments in the past and has learned from his mistakes and wants to do right by you now. If this is the case (which I sincerely hope it is), then over time as he treats you with the kindness and respect that you deserve and shows respect to your parents as well, they will most likely see the positive changes in him and start to believe in his "new leaf".
Your parents want what is best for you and if it turns out that your boyfriend hasn't changed and he starts to mistreat you again, they are going to feel guilty and probably a little responsible for allowing you to see him at all. So, ultimately, they are trying to do what they think is right for you because they care.
Your parents' lack of trust is a direct consequence of his past mistreatment of you. Both you and your boyfriend need to understand that it will take time and patience from everyone in this situation to get back to where you were before. The bottom line: if he is the good guy that you believe him to be, in time, your parents will recognize that. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
this is going to be long...
I have this gut feeling that my brother is gay. I really believe that he is. I don't have a problem with it or anything because I love gay people. His best friend is bisexual even though he won't admit it. He's kissed guys in the back of school and I've seen him and he also kisses girls. So I pretty much know he's bi. So getting back to my brother, I just really think that he's gay! I swear it's like i have gay-dar or something like that, he's always staring at my boyfriend when he comes over, when he has his friends over, they are in his room for like 2 freakin hours WITH THE DOOR LOCKED and if he hears me walking up to the door he yells at me. I mean come on, he's never had a girlfriend and he always says he doesn't want one and that he'd never get married. He says, and I will quote, "Girls are a waste of my time." When I told some of my friends that I thought he was gay, they all responded with "I always knew something was up with your brother." Or something along those lines. Even guys that barely know my brother say that he's gay. My only worry is that my dad is homophobic, and my mom said that she'd be really upset if she found out that he was gay even though she has gay friends. How do I tell my mom of my suspicions? If it's true how would my dad react in the future when he comes out? How can I deal with this??
My suggestion is to not worry about your Mom and your Dad's reactions for now and just concentrate on your own. It's sounds like you are supportive of your brother whether he is gay or straight and for that I say "right on".
If and when your brother decides to come out about his homosexuality to you, your parents, or the whole world, the best thing you can do is make sure that he knows how much you love and support him. If he doesn't have the support of the rest of the family, that will make your support all the more important and precious to him.
For now, I say leave the whole issue alone. Your brother's sexuality is his business and his business alone. Don't force the issue. If you want him to know that you would be supportive of his homosexuality, perhaps you could just make general statements when he is around that show that you are open and not judgmental of people's sexuality and that you think everyone should be allowed to be who they are. This way your brother will know where you stand without being forced to talk about himself if he's not ready to share it with you yet. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
My semi formal is the same night as my Dad's dinner for winning employee of the year. I didnt go to my semi formal last year and a boy that I really like might ask me to the semi.. What do you guys think I should do? ( They're at the same times too!!)
Explain to the guy that asked you to the semi formal the importance of the evening for your Dad and then ask the guy if he would be okay with attending both events with you. Your Dad should be very pleased that you understand the need to be there for him and show him your support. Besides, who cares if you get to the semi late. Nothing that you can't miss hardly ever happens at the beginning of an event.
So, you make an appearance with your family at your Dad's dinner and maybe you eat there too (which saves your date some $$) and then you head off to the dance from there. I hope it works out for you. Best of luck.
Kind wishes,
Recently, i found my dad constantly going to chatrooms and talking to random ppl like he likes them better than my mom. every day he would be doing this but once my mom got home, he would close out of them. i dont know what to do. my brother knows about it too, but i dont know if i should tell my mom. please help....:(
Well, you are certainly in a tough spot. My suggestion is to talk with your Dad directly. Tell him that you know that he is spending lots of time in the chat rooms and that it makes you uncomfortable and you feel it's disrespectful to your Mom. Perhaps this is just the wake up call that your Dad needs to see that what he is doing is having a negative effect on his family whether he meant it to or not.
As far as whether to tell your Mom, I suggest you tell your Dad that you don't feel right knowing something about your Dad that your Mom doesn't know. Ask him to be honest with her about it so that you don't have to be put in the position to be truthful with one parent and feel like you're betraying the other.
Remember, however, that parents are people too and he might first react defensively and try to pull an "I'm the parent here, not you. You don't tell me what I can and cannot do." If this is his reaction, just reiterate to him that you wanted him to know how it makes you feel and that you are worried about your family. Then, let him have some time to sort through how he should handle things on his own.
Hopefully, your Dad will step up and do the right thing. Helping your Dad realize that his actions are having a negative impact on you and the rest of the family is, in my opinion, your best option. Good luck to you.
Kind wishes,
I just got kicked out of my moms house and i am starting off fresh at my dads. He doesnt trust me and neither does my grandma. I can t talk on the phone without them listening or i cant get on the computer with out them reading my stuff. I cant go anywhere without them spying on me. They dont let me go any where to begin with. I have to sneak on the phoen and the com at night. I ask if they can just ftrust me and they are like no. They dont even know me. My grandma thinks buying me things is going to keep me out of trouble and my dad thinks keeping me from the world is going to keep me out of trouble as well. I need some advice .
I understand your frustration with not being trusted in your new living situation. It's no fun to be treated like it's a given that you are planning to do something wrong. However, don't forget that trust is something that is earned. You mentioned that you were kicked out of your Mom's recently and I am wondering if the events surrounding your removal from your Mom's could be leading your Dad and Grandma to worry about your trustworthiness. If you feel that their distrust is unfounded, then take some time to prove them wrong. Once you have established a pattern of good behavior, hopefully they will recognize your efforts and start to give you a bit more freedom. If they don't recognize your efforts on their own, you could have a calm and rational conversation with them detailing all that you have done to gain their trust and respect and ask them to cut you some slack and give you some space. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Ok - my uncle hits on me at almost every family gathering. It really bothers me! I told my mom and she said she'd try to help me, but I still feel so uncomfortable around him. He's always staring at me and winking, and saying that I'm hot!
I'm just so uncomfortable ..
It is NEVER okay for your uncle to make you feel uncomfortable in this way. He could be harmless (but just incredibly stupid) or he could be a very dangerous man. I believe that we each have an internal ("gut") knowingness about when we are in danger and it sounds like your gut is telling you to be careful. Even if he is just a creepy (but harmless) guy, it is clear that he has no sense of acceptable boundaries or behaviors. My suggestion is not to allow yourself to be in a situation where you are alone with him and to continue to voice your uneasiness with his behavior to your Mother and possibly to other relatives as well. If, on the other hand, he is a dangerous man and you feel that you yourself are in physical danger or that anyone else is in physical danger because of him and your Mother is not taking it seriously, you may want to talk to someone you trust outside of your family. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
ok well i cut and stuff but i really want to tell my mom about it because i meen i want to get help but i just was wondering like how could i like talk to her about it? me and my mom are like really close and stuff but i think it would like kill her! should i tell her or no?
Your Mom is likely to be freaked and upset, but ultimately, she will be SO thankful that you were able to come to her. Asking for help is sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do and I say you should tell her for sure. Two suggestions: Timing is important. Don't wait for the "perfect" time because there will never be a "perfect" time, but try to find a time when your Mom is not preoccupied with other things and when you know that she has the time to listen. (For example, on her way out the door to work - not a great time). My second suggestion is not to feel totally deflated by her initial reaction if it's not what you were expecting. Remember, you've had time to think about this conversation and choose your words. Your Mom will be hearing this for the first time and could possibly react in an illogical way. Telling her that you love her and trust her and that you are coming to her because you need help should be a good way to start your discussion. Best of luck to you!
Kind wihes,
this is long but i'll give u the highest rateing just plz answer..ok i lived w/ my grandparents my
whole life untill my grandfather died and so now i'm liven w/ my aunt uncle and cousin.well i had to move in a diff house and go to a diff school where i didnt kno n e one. and this was just a few monthes ago.well my aunt and i have always had a really good relationship till i moved in here but a few things happened and she didnt trust me n e more.i have never had to do and house work in my life till i moved in here.now she exspects me to do chores every day..its really hard for me to do this and her daughter has done then her whole life and my aunt is always sayin how she does her chores and i dont and i feel really left out..u no i dont feel like part of the family.she knos this and that i fell that she treats her daughter better i tell her that all the time.she is always sayin how my cousin gets good grades and is a really good kid...i have no clue wat to say to her that will make her understand how i feel...plz help me..
Before you can expect your Aunt to show you the respect you are obviously expecting (rightfully so), I think it is important that you work to show her that you can reciprocate that respect. My suggestion is to spend some set amount of time (i.e. 2 weeks) working very hard to complete all of the behaviors that your Aunt is expecting of you (chores, homework, good attitude). Then, you should sit down with your Aunt and calmly point out that you have been making a real effort to meet her expectations of you, that you want to be a part of this family and that you want to work toward regaining a good relationship with her. Then, you can tell her what she could do for you (within reason) that would help you feel like you are respected and that you belong. This is clearly a tough adjustment period for you, but don't forget that it is an adjustment for everyone and it's going to take effort and understanding from all to make this new situation successful.
Kind wishes,
my neighbor was pregnant with twins, not even 5 months in the the pregnancy her water broke and the babies were born, sadly, ian passed away because he wasn't strong enough to breath on his own. it's a closed ceromnoy so only my family and two others are invited. do you think i should go, the atmosphere of wakes just scare me peroid. honestly, i want to go, i'm just iffy about it. do you think she'd understand.. x3
RE: Wakes...
Grief and loss are very complex animals. Forget etiquette. If attending the wake will make you uncomfortable, and you know that others will be there to lend support, then don't attend. You can find your own way of showing your support, through a kind note or a thoughtful gesture. Your neighbor is going to carry this loss indefinitely and will learn to deal with it in her own way and time. There will be plenty of opportunities to be there for her and her family apart from the wake.
Kind wishes,